Gimmel Tammuz prep: Sholom Bayis, Divorce, Spousal Relationships

in continuing preparation for giml I want to talk for a few minutes about the importance of relationships between husband and wife and family the Reb emphasizes throughout his talks his discourses and his letters that shom bias literally meaning Harmony in the home peacefulness in the home Tranquility in the home between husband and wife is absolutely necessary for the development of a Jewish home aidic home aabad laage home we need to do whatever it takes to keep the peace I'll share a story this happened years ago someone came to me and he said he's had enough with his wife's behavior and since she doesn't go to the Mikvah when she's supposed to and they're always qu in and she puts him down he wants me to authoriz him to get a get a divorce bill I told him that I will cannot and will not approve that at that time because in my humble opinion he was part of the problem and if he seeks such permission let him write to the Reb he was a let him write to the Reb and he did and he got an immediate response to his letter and the Reb quoted the teaching of the sages godas great how great is peacefulness Harmony in the home between husband and wife to the point where it's greater than anything else and Thea basically told him like I felt and that is that stay put he got that answer from the re he changed his attitude he's married today and the past is the past my dear friends we talk about giml we talk about doing something to bring mashia we talk about doing something for the Reb preparing ourselves preparing our family start with Shalom Bas look at things that need Improvement husband and wife should get together should spend a few minutes of quiet in private talking about ways they can improve and should improve their relationship Dr Ira Weiss always repeats that the rebba would go home to have a cup of tea with his wife wife and that the rebba told him once it's as important or maybe greater I don't know if he said greater I don't think he said greater but as putting on Fillin it's as important as putting on Fillin yeah you could say it's just a saying that that was being cute wanted to make the doctor feel good no no my friends the Reba said it he meant what he said Shalom bayas a home that doesn't have shalom on bias is aan it's a destructive home and it can be fixed are there times it can't yes and I'll leave that up to the true Rabon who deal with these issues not every Tom Dick and Harry Rabbi and schah and counselor can tell you get M get divorced don't get divorced don't listen to them you're wasting your time really so what practically can be done get a mashia get a confidant get a good friend who knows both husband and wife and will sit with you and hear you both out and come up with a plan and then at the end it's up to husband and wife to say I want to listen I want to follow and if in heart in the heart of your hearts you say oh I don't love this person anymore I want out well you created a family you know that the rebit told people who had legitimate reasons for divorce the rebit told them not to get divorce till the children are grown and out of the house and I know people who lived by that suggestion of the rebba and after the children grew up and were out of the house they divorced so I'm not going to say there is never a time for divorce but I do want to say that that time is not based on anyone's opinion and it's not based on your own feelings where you just want to you know leave and you're going to leave no it's not better on the other side my friends it really isn't look around you look at people who have gone this route and they're miserable totally miserable why because they didn't follow the T they thought it the grass is greener on the other side they thought another man or another woman is going to bring them fulfillment and satisfaction and all of that if you learn a little cabala if you learn a little of the AR's writings he talks about the Basher he talks about the tree of knowledge he talks about the branches of the tree referring to souls what's their connection on the tree of Life did you ever ask yourself a question what's going on in the spiritual Realms with My Soul of my spouse's Soul where is it coming from why are we together there a whole other dimension that many people most people don't know about or don't care because what they care about is just a physical so gim preparing yourself for gimal TBL is to reorient your way of thinking to make the par paradigm shift that R is that spirituality of Torah not just spirituality of Warner aart and all the isms that exist today stay away from those things those are not Torah t as emphasized byus gives us an answer and gives us happiness true happiness Everlasting happiness happy means that you'll be able to communicate and see by your grandchildren and great grandchildren it comes from you and your husband even though the kids sometimes many times they go their own way they're entitled they have free will but at the end of the day you'll see that a happy home a Shalom bayas home a peaceful tranquil harmonious home is Eternal and brings happiness to many generations so I know I'm not talking about learning a mimer learning a giving those are all important ingredients to prepare ourselves for giml tamas I'm talking about some more practical things shom bias so please take these words seriously if I can be helpful let let me know contact me you can email me at info@ Rabbi doind dfn.com or send a text message to 5121 1429 and with God's help I will respond and be as helpful as possible have a great day mashiach now mashiach yesterday mashiach in the future and let us all prepare ourselves for a special awesome holy day of giml camos