Emotions: When to show & hide them, Rebbe wasn't greeted upon arrival in 1941 for 3 days- RC Dalfin

So we're learning a uh kind of addendum to the Tanya. Section five of Tanya technically essay 8 where we're using the lessons in Tanya now page 3 87 the last paragraph the alterba taught us that that the avoid in post the time of the mission the gamura the emphasis be on prayer not on tal study that's the way it was not that it should be that's the way it was and he explains not so he doesn't explain at length here in this letter but he explains it elsewhere we we have actually learned in different letters in the that over there in the he puts the emphasis also on that the Here he emphasizes the avoid is because over here he's not talking about sodoka. He was talking about Torah and so in that scenario the the virtue and and the way to go during iso when you include saddaka in the in the equation I believe the ultimate is saddaka but again suck seduka is a misa an action prayer here is limot so you have learning praying and giving so there are three different platforms I mean we yes it's true in this it says that the the says I think one of the began with that that part of that verse And the act of sodoka shall be. So the alterbus explained that the word also is associated with the word which is kind of you have to force yourself that there's the element of oil in the act of giving sudoka. You like it, you don't like it, you feel good, you don't feel good, just do the mitzvah of sodaka. So in other words in saddaka the emphasis is the m the m being the the act the kabil in prayer it's not about kabil I'm not talking about now the I'm not talking about the the idea of prayer the idea of prayer is very non it's it's very It's it's it's not you're forced into prayer. If you feel that you need something or want something, you pray, please give me this. So the the underlying theme in in davening is as Kabad calls it from below to above. What does it mean from below to above? It's generated by your situation on the ground. And that's why there are days when you get up and you dive in and you're elated and days you're just so tired or so un uninterested. In other words, there is no equinimity in someone who goes about their with equinimity is not davening. It's not davening. It's being robotic. And you know it's like do this and do that. You know they they they say be at the at the of the stand it says um know before who you're standing. Sometimes it says you know over here you need to do this or do that. So, in general kind of um laughed at that, belittled it. It's like here you need to jump, here you need to pray, here you need to cry. It doesn't work that way. Now, please understand that you know when you're giving instructions whether you know there are people who need instructions. So, you give instructions. It's like I don't know how it's about you guys in shul but in our our bea here I just saw it last night the laws of ka are printed out under the plastic of the of the cover of the beimma so that when the reads the in case he has a shila I guess he could quickly look into the paper that's a technical thing and of course It's but fel is it's it's not robotic. It it don't go together. People make this. It's a mistake. It's such a big mistake. Fila is the the movement and feelings of your heart. I told you I' I've told you that this many times because but it it I I repeat it because it it's it brings it makes it clear. There was this he was called the Schneider the tailor. He came from Russia from Moscow came to America to Crown Heights and in his old age he was already you know half scenile he wasn't you know all there and he was he would wear his going into night because he didn't realize it's day it's night and for whatever so the 770 he said it's already night you need to take your off and he would answer them with with his good thick Russian Yiddish accent. And he would say in English, "If you're diving to the stars and the moon and the sun, you're all right. You're all you are all right. I have to take my trillin off cuz it's not light outside. It's dark." But if you're doubting to Hashem, what's the difference? Now, of course, that doesn't add up. It's wrong. We know that. But in in in concept he is so right. In concept he's so right. So someone's going to tell you you're fetching too much advening. You're crying too much. You're laughing too much. If they're coming from a place and this addresses what Mosha said many years ago and I always bring it back to the table because it's important. If you're crying on Roshana is because you were told you have to cry, then cut it out. Ju just cut it out. You know, you you know, excuse the expression, go take an ex XLax tablet, you know, come on. You know, like what what do you you know, you're such a faker. Like don't be don't be an embarrassment to our religion. But if you cry and if you're because you feel you you know you can't you know I'm saying something inside then there's no there's no uh there's no time there's no limit there's no sheer the shabas I was in long beach of the young Israel I told you I think so I spoke about the rebalich and pretty much more about rabbi salvich so when I spoke and I got really into it the whole place was silent you couldn't hear a pin drop. A pin drop. And and they were all glued and just looking at me. And I was looking at them and and I said to them that the brisk for which Rabbi Shalovich came from and represented not the brisk of Jerusalem which also is brisk and they contend they're the real brisk and salvage and of New York is not the real brisk but anyway so I said that he tells over a story the RV himself tells over a story that's printed in the in in his swarm and the swarm about him that once in this in the town in the town of of Kaslavich where he was raised and where his father was the the RV of the he contends it was a kabad shul but the rv was a litag and this case it was salvik and he would always say the rub would say this was a payback back to the the Salvatics and the and because they didn't sign the excommunication letter against the Balatana and the other sadikim the other so they were rewarded that they would be the raanim in the labaves in c you know in certain labavs and one of them was inlavich where he he he said he would he said that they were they were the raon were always lit fox but the the mispim were lab and I assume it wasn't aashkin which by the way just for the record I know you guys like the history a little bit um we had this even here in America in Brownsville where yro ysro klatkin's grandfather was aikl baltila in a kabad which I went to see but now but it doesn't stand anymore it's because it's now projects and the entire area was turned into like a midraov but when I went out there probably now about 5 to 10 years ago that's the way it was but over there was a very big it used to sh because the browns what was called the yushlay shell America Jerusalem of America so I was writing about something and then documented it so I wanted to see this this prominent Ani Lubavich I think it was called Ani Lupitz Ani Levich whatever they called it you know so so who was the RV the RV of the shul in the 1930s and 40s was a lintfisher ago and he was very good with the previousb but he wasn't a and the was anari So it was the same way in these in some shs. So was there in this sh in who was the baltoa? the bala was and he he he records says that he he remembers one that the bay went up to the beimma go to the beimma to blow the so that everyone can see and hear him and it's the pinnacle moment of and he becomes very emotional and and he and and he can't get himself. He can't calm himself and therefore he's not making the bra yet yet. And the rabbi, the Rabb is standing there and he says, "No, no." And this guy is totally emotional crying. He's it's the yoy he has to builder as the for the entire congregation and he's he's he's basically said stop crying and blow the sha for now I don't know if it was the rav or who said he compared it to to the taking of the of the of the lulaf make your bra is and he based it on a raam like the brisker that there's a the act is what counts not the emotions so there's no place for emotions here that's a very very uh not fish it's a very brisker mahal and I told the people and I I could see they couldn't they didn't believe what I said but I said the r himself said it that his father never kissed him and he never kissed Not because he didn't love him because that was the that was the kind of the minab brisk in the bay harv cold emotions you know. Yes Misha give me some water please. Have you seen are there other communities maybe other different communities groups who have a somewhat of a similar approach? Um I I I I don't want to um I I'll say something maybe controversial but controversial you know um the famous book by um the chosen the chosen by I knew I knew this was coming. So is that based on something that is real the treatment? Yes. Between the Yes. Whether it was exactly the way that paints it. Not necessarily. But overall, yes. The Kutsker, it goes back to that same person we spoke about yesterday, the Kutsker, the Holy Katsker. for for for some reason he g um he gave I think one of his sons in ceremony right um a a they say up to sevenyear silent treatment or something like that again so I don't know if it was seven years may maybe but the idea is true whe you know whether it was seven years five years three years that I don't know but but Moshe a like you said like you said yesterday there's no cuts today and like I expl explained at length that the gear of today is not the Kutska then and the last remnant of that was the basis Ro who passed away in and um amongst groups I don't believe that that's uh the maj the case for most groups that there is um there is a concept of reverence I'll tell you a story. Okay, here here here's two stories. One story is that the rebal had a very good kafus for 30 years. His name was Yakov Morai of Paltova. Bes was his last name. Best pal. His son of came to America. He lived in San Francisco. Aid of full garb lived in San Francisco in the 1940s. You imagine hate Ashberry. It was up 20 years before hate Ashberry. I don't know what he would do then. He probably would go would jump into the grave. But anyway, his father was and he was a a big and he once told the Reb he once told him how wonderful his son the previous Reb is. He he expressed it in an endearing way when he was a little when when the freik was a little boy and the rashab had an urge to give his son a kiss. you know, he heard these beautiful things about him and he held himself back and at his birthday, he he tells him this story that I just told you and he said, "I'm now giving you a kiss." And he set a mimer for him. And he gave it to him. Now, I don't believe, and again, this is conjecture, I can't prove it. I don't believe that he didn't give him a kiss later or before. At that moment, this is the way I explain it. At that moment of endearment where he just heard this special sweet report about his his his only child, his only child. At that moment, he wanted to kiss him out of love. And he he elevates that same kiss to not just a physical kiss of love but the ultimate kiss which is the kiss of and on and and that was what he was substituting at that moment. I don't believe for a moment that he was reenacting the cutscer's approach not to or the brisker approach uh not to kiss your your child because that's not in the um lexicon and mindset of kabat. are for sure not. That's one story. Another story is when the Reb, our Reb came to America 1941 in June of 41, just a few uh weeks ago was the Hebrew date. So now we're in the Zion Tamas a week, week and a half ago. Now you understand that the Reba and his wife miraculously saved from the Nazis. They couldn't get a visa to go along with the previous Reba and his entourage of 11 people in total. And and and the previous tried getting a visa for him, but it didn't work out for whatever reason. So the Reb makes his way to Vishi and then to Marseilles or Marseilles and Vishi, whatever. And he's saved because the the Jews were running there and and and the Nazis hadn't yet gotten there. And then someone got him a visa to go through Portugal and he was saved. Miraculous. So he comes to America pretty much a year after the previous. The previous came in March of 1940. Reb and his wife come May June of 1941. So, and I heard this I'm going to tell you now from someone who was in in the in in in the room in the in 770 in the time that the night before the Reb everyone knew he's he's arriving at the port the previous Reb called in his older Rabbitten Rabbi Saul Jacobson Rabbi Simpson and Rabbi Rifkin, Rabbi Kazanovski, a group of them, the you know the of the Rashab who made it to America and who were like the um the ones who established for the previous rebad in America and from the 1920s on. Okay. Kazunovski came in 1923, Simpson came in 192 um also 23 I think uh Levittton came in 38 and and Jacob came in 26. But these these were they were there way before. So they laid the groundwork anyway and he tells them tomorrow my son-in-law is coming. You should go greet him at the port. He's a ye that knows me with all all the commentaries and he knows all printed. This is I I heard some a few versions of exactly but this is basically he's an a go and learning and he's worth going to to greet. So you would think after surviving the Nazis and escaping. And here is a person who is now be known that he's genius of geniuses. And he comes and the door opens up in the taxi or the car that went to bring him. And he comes to 770. That's where he stayed until he found an they got him an apartment on president in New York in Cran Heights in a building on the third or fourth floor or he got himself the apartment. I'm not sure. But anyway, you would think what's the first thing he does? He goes to see his father-in-law, the Reb. This isn't just a son-in-law, father-in-law. He's a Reb. And the our Reb considered him a Reb. Just look at any. I mean, he considered him a Reba like no one before in history. There's never been a son-in-law that was more dedicated to a father-in-law than this. hour of the Baba. This I this I say and I take full responsibility and I I could document it 100,000 times when the Gmorra speaks about the the the the rabbi tying the shoes of the rebi as as apprenticeship our that's what he did thousands of times not I don't mean literally tying the shoes but take take a look at 1949 of the pictures where there they came to the the dud do the citizenship with the previous Reb. It's online that there pictures of it and and and and and you take a look that it wasn't the older brother-in-law who was in the office. It was the Reb who was with his father-in-law. And look at the way he's holding his hand. You have to look at it. And it's on video. You can see it on video, too. They always have video of it. And you'll see that the endearment is is is superior. Really superior. So after everything everything I said and everything after this is the case the previous gives notice he doesn't want to see his son-in-law today. A day goes by the next day again he's not ready to see him. A third day he's not ready to see him. On the fourth day after the third or the fourth day after he came, he saw his son-in-law and his daughter. Very, very strange, right? Isn't this strange to I think it's strange. And again, I don't know who said it and who asked, but the understanding was that the Fredba said, and remember, he wasn't in great greatest of health. It was too emotional for him and he needed like two or three days of calmness. In other words, you've arrived. You're an you are on American soil. You're here. that is so overwhelming and you know and I know some will some the babes when they'll hear this they'll say well mind over matter control your feelings and greet your greet your son I don't know one daughter who just came was survived that's I I that's his I don't know you know I'm I'm a simple man I I little guy I I don't know fact is the facts are the facts. In other words, it doesn't make sense that he wouldn't see him because he doesn't love him. You understand? But for whatever reason, and this is a possible reason, there needed to be that um two to three day pause. So, this is all a long response, Misha, to your to your question about that there were whether it's by the rashab the story with the rashab the story the previous there were these times when the emotions were put on hold or uh harnessed but not as a shittita do you understand there's no shitta in labavich in kabadis to not display emotion It it it's not a and I know this personally since we're speaking and we're fraing here. I know this because my mash Khan was known as the intellect of the intellect. the genius of the geniuses in in in in especially right and if you ask many students and many people that you you meet in I know some of them will say well yeah he's a genius but you know I couldn't develop a relationship with him you know he he was too too intellectual and I'm not that way or you know he didn't he gave me a cold shoulder and stuff like that and it's I could tell you as an insider, as someone who in a sense spent time in his house, not just in his classroom, it's completely wrong. There's a time for a shir there's a time when a person is totally lost in thought and that's not the time of kissing and hugging. I'm sorry. It's just a you're in a different world. There's the right. It it you know those that are a that are you know that that that that do do 10 things at one time don't do anything right. But so many times he expressed physical um maneuvers and the wrong word physical um aspects of of love and kiru that I felt that shows he's a very warm person. You just need to know how to get in. Do you understand? And and this is important because it comes up today, you know, with the youth. My rebi, my teacher, my father, and my mother. Maybe your father is so busy running around to make parnosa that he's hardly home. You think he doesn't want to be home. He doesn't want to do the homework with you. He doesn't want to cuddle up with you on the couch. Of course, he wants to, but he's overwhelmed. So it's not fair to box someone in into the, you know, the cold emotion emotional style again. Does it exist? Absolutely. So that's my long answer, Moshe. And you got me to fabbrang again today which is important because these these iss these these ideas that we're discussing are very important to to Yiddish and also toidis and also to us as as parents grandparents and and leaders you know in the community you know is a doctor imagine a physician that shows you know so much kiru and love to patients there needs to be a distance he is the physician. Otherwise, they become pow-wow pow with you and they want you to do things that you shouldn't be doing and they and they want to tell you what to do and it it becomes a mishmash. A teacher, a leader, a doctor, a rabbi, a person in a in a author authoritative position needs to to remember that. And like what I always would say to my kids, I am not your friend. I am your father. Doesn't mean I'm cold. I'm far from cold. But you have, you know, I'm a father. A father is a a father. A friend is a friend. I don't know if you guys agree with that, but I think it worked for me, you know, in a in a certain certain sense, you know. I think any comments from the peanut gallery here. I didn't know what Mos was referring to. Having not read The Chosen. You have not read The Chosen in school. They didn't make you read it. Oh, I read a lot in school, but not The Chosen. Wow. So, did you Okay, whatever. But you've heard you've heard about it, right? or not. I've certain I certainly have heard of it and I I I've heard that the author and I think they made a movie about it. Of course. Yeah. I interviewed the author in Marian Station in Philadelphia for my book conversations with novel. No, it's it's it's a it's not a historical it's a novel. No, it's a novel novel. And and and uh the person he wrote the book My Name is Usher Lev as well, right? Kim Potech and there he depicts aid and it was an artist they say it's my wife's great uncle the brother of Rab Mendel Futafas his name was Hendel Lieberman one of the first kidic artists or the first kasidic artist Hendel Lieberman so Rabbi Shtov may be well from Philadelphia was you know Kim Pot lived right you know right there Marian station so they knew each other and his conflict I think to the rebba was although his wife Potc's wife was from Crown Heights. So he would come to Crown Heights when he was dating her. So, you know, he knew the the scene, you know, a little bit. Um, so Shtov introduced him. This is what they say to to Hendle Liberman, Hendle Futafas, the artist, and then he based on that he wrote his novel, My Name is Usher Lev. That's that's what they say. Um, since we mentioned that and he he's nam you know how you know how I got to interview him was uh I'll say it very shortly the story this was at the height of the Msiah controversy in Kabad and when I called him he said I don't want to have anything to do with with Kabad now you guys have your internal issues and just leave me out of it. It it was like too much you know and and and I needed his interview you know the book was called conversations with the rebba I interviewed 14 leaders reform conservative orthodox different who had connection with the rebba shamir I I went down I was in Tel Aviv and I interview I interviewed Shamir for example now from Turski so I I really but PC was another you know because he was like the conservative he was very he was considered he considered himself conservative. So I wanted that was important. And he was also a prominent writer and very well known on and on. So so he says he's not giving me the interview. So I'm thinking to myself, what could I do to get him to give me the interview? So he happened to mention in one in the first call that he's busy now call him back in two weeks cuz his brother Shimman is ill. He's sick. He's not well and he's occupied. So after the second time I called him when he rejected and he said I'm not giving you the interview. I don't want to be part of you guys, right? You know, I'm just want to distance myself. I said I wrote back I faxed back to him. I think I said, you know, send send me your brother's name. I want to d him for him at the Reb's Oel for Abraa. Immediately immediately I got a fax back with his name. the next phone call he gave in the interview, you know. Is that is is is there a video of that interview or No. Did I what? Uh um is there a video of of the interview? No, cuz I only I only recorded them on tape. It was It was before the It's a big kaval. Rabbi Lipsker from Florida, Olivitzk Shamir. So I said to him, Rabbi Lipker, the book is verbatim. And you see in the English, I I I didn't correct. I I I like I, you know, even someone spoke a little not proper English and whatever. I left it. I wanted it to be authentic. So I said, you have the entire interview with Shamir there. He says, I have to hear his words. I have to hear his voice. I never found it. I must have thrown it out, you know, once when we went when when tapes went obsolete. I didn't or maybe I still have it downstairs in boxes. Who knows where they are. But um um so much it wasn't it wasn't on video. It if I would have had those 14 those 14 interviews on video would be in it would be great today, you know. It would be it would be viewed by thousands of people. But it was um so I'm saying with you know in hindsight like you know I feel like you know I helped this nishama you know to to connect to you know to connect to who he really was in his in his youth. He was a he was an orthodox boy. Kimotech was not considered he was orthodox till he went you know I think to JTS and you know he okayra have a great chabas and we will see everyone on Monday mashem and hopefully we will learn tata okay thank you very much chabas good chabas bye-bye good chabas everyone regards bye Hey.