Difference between Stringicey & Beautifying a situation - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

um we're in middle of pay to Olive chapter 11 on page test iron I do want to say that um I'd like to hear a little more from you so I've got to give you the ability to speak so I want to talk a little less and have you you know I'm shouting Tanya I don't even speak about you know the baseball game and the french fries I mean about um you know if something is not clear what I'm saying or you have a question you know raise your hand and and and you'll have that opportunity because I really don't know if you're following I assume you are but did anyone have any questions on the shop and Tanya that we learned yesterday that come to mind now and if not now then later you know it's fine okay so in this chapter and Pedic you're out of here you need the balatanya tackles the Russia you know the the villain the villain of the of the Jewish Nation the Russia of of the you of humanity but Jewish Nation as well the Russia and the author ever I feel is very compassionate towards the Russia as we discussed yesterday and we'll might learn later or tomorrow but the way he begins tackling this whole idea is he says until now we've been learning about two types of deacon chapter youth Avi chapter 10 is about the two levels of Sadiq and the other explained that the difference between the two depends on how much of the Sadiq is felt within the Consciousness and reality of exotic is it a complete total sadic environment or is it an incomplete I.E he's Democratic except that's number one and then number two Sade compares to him what do you mean Sadiq and bears to him explained that it's incomplete meaning both in his good approach to Hashem through assay tave is this it's not complete and also his hatred towards evil is not is not a total absolute hatred an example that I that I that I give always for this idea is when someone puts us in a barn with smelly animals and it's terrible and it smells and it's uncomfortable one reaction is you bang on the door or you say let me out of here and you you go nuts right but you still exist you still exist the other attitude is you take you take a knife and you end your life and that's very extreme right but why why is that done because living with animals is not life it's death so what's the difference if it's death this way or that way you're dead now I'm not suggesting anyone do that it's an attitude in other words let's say evil bands something Hashem says I hate I don't want it's despicable one attitude is look I'm not going to do it I'm not going to you know I'm not going to talk about it in a good in a positive way I'm not going to tell my friends about it it's really bad right Hillel if you don't mind uh muting yourself appreciate it thank you the other attitude is the other attitude is not only am I not going to you know share this this foolishness with someone I'm going to obliterate it you know it's the difference Malaysia between being passive and proactive and this is this is very important in our lives and this is and this also is where kanoiim the zealots make a mistake and they and they say it's for the cause of Hashem and I'm a zealot so I'm going to eliminate it and force it on everybody and that's the question so the issue of putting it on everyone else it's not your business if the question is whether you eradicate completely the evil in your life the evil that you can that is in your life that's against Hashem you forget about your friend have you eradicated it that's the question the incomplete Sadiq the incomplete Sadiq doesn't eradicate it completely that's why it's called right because after all avram how do you say he's a Sadiq and he has bad if he's a child because it's not bad if he has bad he's not exotic make up your mind so the answer is in action indeed in behavior is exotic but here we're looking at the heart remember the analysis of the balatanya in Tanya is about the soul where are where are we really not what we do what we do it's it's very nice and we're getting a lot of a lot of shout out bar in the Battle of yayathan will get a big piece a big piece of meat when Michelle comes and and will be put up the front you know miserable thank you very much the question is yes yes so the incomplete solid doesn't get tempted by the West Memphis behind us that's that's right the incomplete static has eradicated as nepheus is only seen as a vehicle for God and not for animalistic desires he doesn't hate the evil it just doesn't it's not affected by it but he doesn't discuss it's disgusted by it no he is he very much is to the point where he eradicates it so so how to still have any piece of the evil in it then he doesn't in practicality no in Behavior he doesn't have any in Behavior both levels of Sonic don't have any Vestige of evil but the difference is that one has a Vestige of bed of taiva still there and the proof is that he doesn't hate it he says I can't stand it I don't want to be with it I'm going to go away from it but not that that is in opposition to God so make up your mind either it's that or it's that choose your pick which is it he's fighting against it doesn't matter if that's right that's right that's right but but but he's come to a point you're talking about the time which one are you talking about Saturday means that he has not yet completely eradicated the the the bad the evil to the point where there's only God and everything else that's against God is a taboo no he doesn't he says it's not nice it doesn't smell nice it doesn't feel nice I don't want it I don't want to be around it but he says this you know it is but it's not for me is it's not just it's not for me it doesn't exist because in his Consciousness he's eliminated it that's why government what does the Gomorrah say he transformed his yet Sahara through fasting okay he did it through fasting but only through transformation do you have a complete Sadiq an incomplete subject has not yet transformed it he's transformed it in practicality and behavior but not in heart yeah yeah sure so this because you you were talking about how you know we're we're not we're not we don't want to be canoeing we don't want to make other people you know Force other people to do what they don't want to do okay um so how would be different than uh this sort of having a hard time with this is what would I want to know what the rebel would say about humorous because we put so many humors on that we're literally losing our kids to the humerus it's monish like every we make it harder and harder for people to keep Yiddish right the answer is on yourself not on anyone else you're myself there's nothing wrong if I want to be mahmir but when you put it on someone else a problem now now but but but here this must be said not putting hormones on others you know it doesn't mean living in chaos and anything goes says right it's just if you don't have government you can have a mad situation and people are going to swallow each other and the same as in family life a parent is a parent a parent needs to give direction giving direction to a child and to children to teenagers means you're putting homeless no you and your wife decide look this is the type of home we want to have this is the type of gither Skype we believe this is this is the standard that's not a humbra once one second one second answer that's not a humra is when you your wife us you know we have certain Hombres and we want our kids to follow those cameras that's humra right so and this is as we say in Hebrew my sin behold every day right I've told you that the story so I'm not ashamed to say it you know I was raised that monster Shabbos you don't come down and you don't go out in your weekday close it's malaba mauka so if you're going out whether it be to a concert whether it be to a boy you know to The Pizza Store you go in your shop yeah people you know you're from Brooklyn you know a lot of people I don't know how was on Flatbush but in here people are going into Mendelson's into amnes with their with their record with their long thing and a buying Pizza it's it's it's it's felt its Shabbos no comes down my daughter and says no I want to wear weekday clothing because my friends that so that that so that is you know is that a humra that I'm opposing on her or is that a standard and that's that's an ongoing discussion I mean you know they're growing already out of the house with moisture let me take insta first and then you because he asked first go ahead yes sir think that the challenge for many of us and and I've tried to learn a lot of malacha over the years there's still still out of nuance and right and we like the mission of [Music] the safer and it's going to say you know about nephesh does this but so that makes it clear so that's about nepis which means that the basic Allah is not that way right but when you're living immunity has a standard that standard is the basic yes you don't you don't adhere to that standard now and you could say listen that's the whole I'm doing the halacha but you've now put yourself outside of the community yes yes you're right you're 100 right you have to know the Noel but but right and the story I've told you the story my son comes back from Camp Kanye's throw a little about your Camp he's 14 or 15 14 years old and he's wearing a t-shirt like they wear in Camp and it's not an outraged t-shirt it's a kosher t-shirt and he comes into the spiritual the squarish people and I'm diving there and they look at me as you know one of the Saints you know what I'm saying and my son comes with the show with a t-shirt he has senses he has wound senses you know he's definitely a Chabad boy but he's wearing a t-shirt and they give him the eyes and I see it I say to him when we come home I say you know I love you and I know you don't mean well but it don't work here in this community you know especially when you go into a squarish table they don't understand and it became a you know a conflict Hashem he he got it because he got it from them not for me because he saw the eyes and more eyes so he understood either I don't go into shoe and he wanted to come to shoot he didn't want to come to school so when it comes to when it comes to are you feeling alienated as Yoni was saying many times it'll come from a perspective of but that's not what the holaka says the halaka says what I'm doing is fine and now you're telling me what I'm doing is not fun and that's no no no because the minute got mocking but you identified is it was very very correct and good Dominican mocking is it's their shoe whether they're outrageous or cuckoo or and they're not but it's their shoe you want to dive into their shoe you have to follow their rules now the same is the same is in a community so if in your community in bed Shemesh you have modern Orthodox and Orthodox and Hasidic and lipstick and this is that choose your community no problem right the Spartan come in with sandals okay you know now if ashkenazine come in with sandals and the mission of brutal the balotanya writes down to them but right you have to wear puss McCoy's and the socks and you're on the babature so someone has a right to say to you hey you're a laborator you follow the alternator you need to wear socks when you're down if you're aspiring you don't even the mission of Bruna doesn't say puss McCoy so we can be mocked and not wearing the socks during the afternoon but you're a Chabad that you should wear socks then then I'll tell you so I don't want to say who one of our former students who wasn't you know raised you know with Orthodoxy and all that and he said to me how do people come into shoe on Shabbos without wearing a jacket and a white shirt like he was coming from Brooklyn and he knows even though he wasn't so you know Orthodox and all that we come to Shoe Shop but she put on a jacket or you know or at least a white shirt you know what I'm saying my point is that America so that's that's cool that's called the humra no it's called The Homer but it's a homra within the realm of of of of a community now listen the Carol box shoe you've got something that happened oh no you know whatever if if they have certain other rules and and you belong to that Community that's your community I'm sorry but I'm going to pushed the point yeah because it's pretty well known it's pretty well known the road kanayaski said it's better to Davin without a minion to go home and garden with your hat at home than to Daven without a hat with a minion now what's the halasa is as far as I know again I don't have to swarm in front of me you don't need to dive with a hat I I think right okay so RAF kanyevsky's coming I would imagine from his insular community of Renee Brock and and that's what they do there hey I was in right in Lakewood one morning this past year last summer yeah I want it went to minion I think I told you the Pleasantburg school it says do not come in here if you plan on diving without a hat jacket on the door you know what I did I didn't have my jacket then I had my hat I went to another show if this is their minic I don't have a right to go and and it's wrong it's wrong of me to do that even though again what do you mean you you can force someone to wear a jacket but that's what that that's their their show they're not the so so so is there if rafkinyeski's Community that's what they believe and follow if you want to belong to that Community that's what you have to follow you don't need to belong to the community it could be a shoe right next door right next door and you can do otherwise yes I'll take your question a second Hillel you want to ask something yeah some samples that um that I was confronted with uh probably 35 years ago I was at the diving in the show and the new neighborhood renewal mail moved into and God came up to me and he said to me he said are you trying to make us look bad and I said what are you talking about he says well if you're wearing a wedding ring and I said yeah I'm wearing a wedding ring what's the problem and he said some men don't wear wedding rings and he was kind of landless and me on this so I'm going to Rabbi a friend of mine said uh just come with me and we went to his house and he pulled out the mission Aurora and um I don't remember exactly where it was but he's probably that Prophet saw him said that when you're washing for saying a mental and Sudan and to do mostly that men don't have to take their rings off right but women do right that's because women would take their rings off when uh regularly for a variety of reasons and that men usually leave them on right so I think that kind of fits I mean you know for somebody to be greater than the show Okay okay right right but but but but he lived with all fairness if you didn't know so it doesn't it didn't apply to you you know but if you knew that this shoe has a minute that they don't want they don't want men to wear rings and you knew about it and you understood it and you still go in then you're wrong and they're right because because you are entering their domain now they could be outrageous don't down there go somewhere else but that's their domain you know so you you know what I'm saying so so you're right that you know the guys and the person showed you to Mr bruter but nevertheless a shul has a right to make that discrimination I'll just share one more thing and then take most of your question many years ago here in Borough Park a rabbi was giving a sheer to some relatives in Tanya and he couldn't make it he calls me up a bad Rabbi from granites can I teach them I said sure we needed a place to learn have a plot down as a shoe a nice bubble of a shoe it was it was new at the time I went in there in the middle of the day place is empty light air conditioned we sat and learned the rabbi calls me over later he says do me a favor don't drink with them Tanya anymore on my show I I couldn't believe it and I was outraged I didn't say anything I went over to a big plastic here and I asked him if the rapper has a right to tell me to stop learning Tanya with a with another yeed in a shoe and you know what he told me because the show belongs to him privately he has a right to tell you that that's what he told me I said okay I accepted it I accepted it it's outrageous what in my case there wasn't a rule of the show oh okay fine there's no rules if if there's no rule of the shoe is different Maisha finally what do you have to say that I was fascinated yesterday when we made the point and I remember we you've you've said this before and sheer yeah previously to this point that in clusive we put General an emphasis on what we think about as opposed to what we stay out of our mouths correct you know I just I remember when I'm sure that I know some time ago yeah that's something I think about a lot that it's such a critical fundamental um points because obviously if a person's thinking like Mr was saying before last yesterday I guess I'm saying this is from where you are where your thoughts are yeah and your thoughts of our conduct and so like why do we what thoughts are and you generally don't have to be you whatever speech comes out of your mouth is your magician is going to be it's going to be good speech it's going to be a nice speech you just want to take that because the reason I'm saying that is because Yoni when you bring up the issue about hummus about kids we got to back up I think how do we view a homework to begin with you know it's interesting in in some communities certainly and some I refer this here I've heard this among certain labhavators here in Arizona we've been hearing this they don't use the they call them yeah right so if you all sudden if you look at like all the pesach well all of a sudden everything comes looks totally different heavy you but you hear the word hither it's like oh you know like I like that I like that's great that's great I never thought of that that's great yeah and if the husband and wife speak about that way and that's the attitude in the house right you know if if it's made to be nice in the house and get a Skype you know and like the he'd do are viewed out in a positive always in a in a in a happy light I think that that's I don't know I I think that that's a big inoculation against let's say what our kids are going to experience out in the street you know um and again I just I just think this issue it's it's I guess the reason I'm just bringing this because I think Yoni when you brought that up yeah there's no question could be an issue but I think yesterday how we think about things to begin with right right and so I I in conjunction right that if the view and Maisha said it beautifully if the view is Hombres we're gonna lose we're losing we're losing they're lost the more and more gonna leave and guess what someone wasn't gonna leave with the white beards is happening today too I've been 40 Years of Columbus enough already again enough I can't handle it anymore I want to enjoy you this guy I wanna I wanna feel good about it but if if not only the spin you know they say it's on the spin my ship not only that the spin is that it's hidorin but it really is enduring it really hidorah means beautification to beautify the Mitzvah to make it nicer to make it more elegant to make it more enjoyable now the question is how being more sneas when it's 90 degrees in the summer in Tel Aviv is how is it more of a Hitler okay that needs a conversation that leads a discussion you know of what a boss Israel is what what a yid is how it's supposed to look as a geek you know and yeah you discuss it Rabbi torskillen would always share this verse and he wrote it and I the first time I read it from then I always repeat it that he was raised by his father in Milwaukee when he did something mischievous or something you know as past knit those words s past knit which in English it's not befitting let's not be fitting now again so there's the the not the negative but but take away the knot in other words it's befitting that that you as a youth coming from such a family is such a community you know you raise the bar people should see you and they say oh I would like to identify with your shoe I would like to identify with your community and I think that this is something that goes a very long way for for the teens today um again they're gonna have their struggles and they're gonna have their challenges and life is life but at the end of the day when when it'll kick in when it's gonna you know it's gonna kick in they're gonna say yeah you know base you throw I'm basis roll I Come From a Certain home I Come From a Certain Community I you know I I I want to you know be better at one of I want to uh you know not just do the Mitzvah to get away with it you know the mystery doing the Mitzvah to get away with it okay but it ends you know because it ends I mean the same story I told you yesterday about the about the guy with the black leather and all that the flip side of that is he's going to shoot but at the same time he walks out saying I'm into punk rock and and leather and all that in other words you can flip it around too you know is you're going to show because my father wants me to go to shoot and I I have this guilt towards my father's I go into a shoe but really really that's not where I am so it depends you know it depends on what's going on on one hand hey he's in a show he he's saying the bracha at the same time he not me and you looking at him but he has to ask himself so why doesn't that change your attitude that you have less leather and less rings and and calm down a little bit and you know and work out your life that you know what I'm saying so that's his husband that's his husband and that's what they're going to experience the youth uh we'll stop here I know I get myself one more thing yeah go ahead this will go back to this point though the only what you were bringing up though I remember 25 years ago my first Southwest teacher he said to us did you know we're talking about humors he said he always noticed that whenever he sees someone who's been extremely like um over dick on something he's super super like as this whole can I in one area he said without fail in somewhere else in his life he's extremely Michael in other words you know it's like it's like he may be great you know crazy you know from in one area his life but in another area he's a complete opposite end of the spectrum may go in a way that we would we would like would like what's this guy doing right I'm just bringing that up because again like what was it to keep things and keep things in perspective you know and and like everything that we always said I'm talking to myself as I'm saying is to one you describe to be enjoyable in one more we want our children to always have a loving they know that the home is such a loving warm place and that the Yiddish rights that we're trying to give them it's coming that we we have their back without any without any preconditions I'm just I mentioned that because we don't want ever you describe to feel like it's like you know like this heavy so that's what he said that's what he said I have to go we'll see everyone tomorrow Zach is bye bye okay