Dealing w Judgmentalism - No Excuse for Lust - Mind over Matter - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

okay so we're on page Lama Crest and Tanya and we're beginning today here explains another way of humbling yourself so we are still in the Ambiance of chapter 29 and chapter 29 the balotanya looks for ways to to help us feel have feelings so if you ask someone Which chapter in Tanya which chapters in Tanya are dedicated to develop feelings it's chapter 29 and chapters 30 and chapter 30. these two chapters okay so now in Chapter 30 he's going to continue with another piece of advice in a way it's more practical let's see what he says and of course the point and what's the reason for feeling like I told you what the rabbit told that has it feeling could be a stomachache you know it's it's a bellyache it's your own the wishes who cares what you wish do what God wants the answer is God wants me to feel God during Thriller the whole advice of FILA is is is is to feel Abram if you don't mind viewing yourself appreciated okay another thought even means make your heart be attentive that you should think about and he quotes the khazal and perki office to fulfill the edict of this of the uh of the sages blessed bless them and you shall be modest humble of spirit meaning humble before all men and that's a very tall order Hebrew and we said it every week during the summer months foreign why is it a tall order Menasha because to tell someone you should be modest and humble before uh uh a person who is you know prominent and and refined I can understand but you're telling me to be humble before a low life if the person is what we call a cow shut the column or a simple English a low life why should I be humble for him he he doesn't he's not he doesn't represent what God wants seemingly so why should I be humble before him and yet if you look at the beginning of us pick you up it's one-on-one no commentary no philosophies it says and you know when it says it means you shall be it's imperative it's not moisture if you want to you can you don't want to you don't have to no have they you must be called you might want to say that it's pretending make believe we're gonna go into Fantasyland for a little while good morning valve with Maxima David in other words we're going to say the truth is someone who is a low-life a cow should call him you don't have to be humble for him but in order to keep the peace and keep the party going make believe pretend so the outlet ever right now the next words he obliterates that thought and he says like this when it says in picchiovas and you shall be that look at the Alton Apple's words this is these two words inserts not literally in the parent but in mine dramas is when Pierce says we're not talking about a bluff that you're a bluffer you really don't respect the person you're just pretending picky of us would never ever tell you to do that look at the words for jave is you really should be snake and there's a double there's a double A double-edged idea over here one you the person should be humble for every person including a calcium a low life and number two God Almighty the a booster when he gives this instruction he doesn't mean only that your feeling should be this way he means this is the truth from God's perspective in the Taylor I ye and picky of is he's telling you you have to be humble before every man and this is startling this is a a palace a Wonder ful and he says not just humble for your Rabbi for your teacher for a friend who's nicer and refiner and more refined and all that no anyone because my share if picky obvious meant only certain you should be humble only for certain people it would have delineated who those people are or who those types of people are and it makes a blanket statement that the balatonya says with the Theta and in this case the mission of Peter kieva says it means literally means every single person so this is a question how can you in other words it doesn't seem not just not fair it's not it's not normal since when does one is should one have respect and feel humble for someone who is a sinner someone who is a goof off someone who's you know outrageous that's the regular feeling and then we you know in other words until this chapter and Tanya I would say you're not to blame if you're not you don't have humility for such a person comes to balatanya and says sorry you you're wrong you are to blame because pity oven says you are to play but the question is explain it you're quoting you're quoting 50 of us thank you very much when we quote something Entertainer be it from the scholars the sages etc etc the rabbis did commentaries you have to understand it it's not just shake your head like a goat you you gotta understand but the cup what are we learning but what's the Thought over here the terrorist called we are a wise and bright and and Nation meaning we use our cup excuse me not our behind have used the cup so that's the question what's the cup over here what's the logic that's the question but now when he answers his own question will understand this statement disconnect with another teaching of the of the sages quote and it's awesome picky up foreign never judge your friend until you are in his place we're quick to pass judgment here we are here finished 10 days eight days seven days Yom Kippur and let's see who of us can hold ourselves back from judging someone else in these seven days poison heart pinky up and says don't judge your friend and until you stand in his place when and if you stand in his place in his shoes and you can show better then you can be tugged then you can be judgmental but until you're sure that your Target and guess what Abram can we say we're sure that I that we are standing in the other person's place no way and out to them is not going to tell us why no way foreign it's the place in which the person is at the courses into sin now the other is going to use some very uh basic uh classic uh you know places where we sin but it's really any place let's see what he says this person that you're judging foreign it's to go to the market every day he has to go Menasha to Newark New Jersey every day downtown every day to go into a building to make his live view Village but his job is sitting outside I guess he's selling frankfurters over there Grace or selling newspapers so he's sitting on the corners okay that's the expression from the word Karen corners he's hanging out okay let's use the vernacular he's hanging out yeah you know he's hanging out and it would burn right Yoni you need not relate to that to the wood burn Hangouts there ain't no for oh yes call it tyvis and his eye sees all the girls that come into the play pool Mata Shabbos after Shabbos they barely you know they're waiting for Shoppers to be over and it's party time in the in the back of the pizza store in Woodburn you had a pool table and all the guys and girls would hang out so they're all Frontier eyes and the ICS valet climate and your heart desires your heart less you're only a human being you see a girl pretty girl to you she's pretty maybe someone else she's ugly but the use is pretty and you desire the yesterday boy your inclination your English is burning like a burning oven you're on fire you want this this girl this woman this this town or this this oven is baking it's really hot commission course will be sure as it says in Hosea the prophet says love of a claimer his heart burns like a flame of fire so hey your friend that you're judging his business is that he has to be out there Hashem is able to do his work in his beautiful Studio facing the beautiful mountains if there's nothing built yet on the property right doesn't have a challenge when she has to sit and do art on Venice Beach imagine he had a kiosk or store on Venice Beach wonderful property waterfront property except it faces the water and you see everybody it's like when I was there this pesach and if I told you this I went to the exact location that the previous rep stayed he stayed in two hotels in Tel Aviv in 1929. I went to one of them and you know where it is it's by the water number two uh I forget the the street now by the water the Yar Kong is the street before the archon in Tel Aviv and then comes a Promenade and comes the ocean so right what Gordon no it's not gorgeous no it's another Street I forget now anyway so I went down to the film you know to to get some footage to show that the rabbit what used to be a hotel it was called Hotel Palatine Palatine that was the name in 1929. now of course they they rebuilt the whole property but that's the location according to what we have in our records of where the devil was so the number two is on an ice cream store but in other words there's a bunch of stores and one of the stores is you had for ice cream and it says number two and since I had the address number two whatever was I wanted to get in the film in in the clip the number two you know it's most nostalgic it shows this number two matches the 1929 number two something like that so I asked someone I didn't have my tripod I asked someone to to film me no problem some and if you start taking the film and then a few young girls go behind me into the ice cream store to buy ice cream and I don't have to tell you how they looked okay I said stop stop and erase that because that can't go online so when you're talking about someone let's say a fruit person owns a kosher ice cream store right there it's a kosher he's making business but what you see in front of you at a beachfront store is not sneeze that's it there's nothing to you know philosophize about says here you're judging someone who's sitting on the street corners and again like I told the street corners has many meanings at many times so many different people but it means is you are making a paranosa that schleps you out to places you don't want to be but you have to be because you need mechanosa so therefore the Thai Versa before your eyes and you're judging him and you're saying he's a sinner he's a sinner he looks after the girls he looks after the typhus he's a sinner says the Out the Devil let's continue inside the text my shanking conversely me you who are part of the following you don't wander in the market much you don't go down to the market a lot you don't hang out in those places [Applause] [Music] you sit in your house I sit in my house and I do the work moisture sits in his house and maybe something or some people who are retired or semi-retired so part of Hashem we don't have to see what we're not supposed to then says the outside level more so look hello the gun [Music] let's even if you go all day walking down Fifth Avenue in Manhattan if you're working in Manhattan and you're going up and down thousands of people on the street next page is top of page 76. is you're not so hot blooded there are people that are hot blooded and they see something pretty they go nuts there are people they could look I told them you need that this is what I heard from your your grandfather your wife's grandfather come from Levine he could draw you know nudes and want to show Rabbi Dalton the nudes and I say I can't look at this and I won't look at it and he don't care because he's an artist so to him his Beauty but not to me I'm looking at a new drawings everyone has to know themselves there is husband and wife in relations intimate intimate matters one can be more Muhammad material this is disgusting swarn this isn't my Kiddush and there's a place for that and as a way of dealing with it one is more passionate and what's more called this is Facts of Life this is the way you're born says here the fact that that that you're not turned on when you are in the in the corners hanging out in the corners and the places and someone else says are you blaming them hey fella you're not you're not a hot passionate blooded individual you're cool so you don't get excited therefore you're so great no it's your nature that's what he says because by Nature you're not so passionate and the alteneba gives a rule and we should never forget this rule foreign is not equal by everyone yes yes and I think that this little rule of the outdone says here again I don't know if it's his rule but it's he definitely he mentions it it's a very important for children and grandchildren and the whole culture today you really have to assess the person very well and it's unfair to be judgmental not only available isn't unfair because you shouldn't be judgmental but it's it's it's um it's misassed it's not a correct analysis in other words when you have heal it when you have shove it two people are on the same level and you know that really then you can then you can deal you know be judgmental and deal with it but one to begin with what you think is equal is really not equal why what family they come from how were they raised it's their nature you know everything we learned to remember on education for the previous celebrity that we learned cover over there that ever really articulates this idea how the educator not just the teacher but the educator must be so um must pay attention and understand the students so well that he knows where he's coming from and it's so unfair to blame a student who doesn't with study well or misbehaves on and on and on in other words again doesn't say that there's never a time when you when you can't be judgmental but what he says is don't judge your friend till you reach his place and that's without them ever saying Hey do you do the same work as him are you in the same place be even if you are right even if you are the different types of Surgeons level is one type of surgeon obstetrics is another type of surgeon and a dentist is a third type of surgeon so it's not fair it's not not much fear sorry it's not correct it's a wrong analysis put it comparing they have three different types of surgery but therefore they themselves the three types of three different types of people and their patients are three different types of people and there's and there's certain and their surgeries are three different types of surgeries so to compare one to the app others like comparing to Apples tolerances and therefore if if you judge them you're wrong and therefore you have no business judge them and guess what now we're gonna learn that they can actually be nicer than you being look what he says even someone who's very hot blooded by nature is to sit on the corners all day he to himself has no excuse for his sins whatever they are um and it's called a complete Wicked person because the fear of God is not before his eyes he should have controlled himself and to dominate over the time in his heart Hashem due to the fear of God myself God sees everything you're doing you can think you're sneaking away someone but God's right there watching commercial commissioner could possibly always we learned earlier in Tanya chapter 12 and 17. is talking to the one who's sitting in the corners and he's saying the fact that I'm telling the ones judging you he's wrong for judging you doesn't give you an excuse to because you're hot blood and you're sitting on the corners to do what you want because you can control yourself I can't by yourself if you just Mind Over Matter stop you know I told you years ago T time out of the basketball court t stop stop you know that I shot the Rashad's brother you know he says he says when you're angry you shouldn't talk for 61 minutes don't ask me why 61 that's what he says after 61 minutes the angle will dissipate and you won't feel right you know don't send that email sleep on it after that I'm saying here don't tell me you don't have you can't control yourself look at the words by birth you're given a head and if you use your head and you can use your head to control again like we discussed many times if there's an addiction issue where the heads out of control that's another story so you got to fix the head and boy is that a difficult job the paradigm shift and everything else so what's doubted ever say now and why is he saying this why is he all of a sudden now here in the section of Tanya talking to the one who's sitting in the corners and is you know hot blooded and the reason is because drama doesn't want when we learn this chapter to say oh you're not going to be judgmental and my job and my judgment is is is misplaced and I'm wrong and therefore the person the other person is scot-free you're not scotch free guy yeah you you have your own avoidance and I think that's Dr Lambert just wants you to know that I'm addressing and I'm talking about the person who's being judgmental and this chapter is dedicated to that but at the same time just let's call a spade a spade if you use the excuse I had to go to work to such a such place and therefore the Temptations will before my eyes says doubt to them I understand you have to go to work there that's your partner sir you have the ice cream Street a number two right by the beach find a way to control yourself put on put on tinted glasses look down we will find ways yeah you know and and yes guess what there are times and I'm sure you've heard if a person can't control themselves they have to find another another pen also I mean it's easier said than done but there are situations imagine uh you know music of the musician you know and going and if they're playing in the film on the concerts Shabbos a ballerina there's certain things there's certain things that when you become a from ye then you're a from Yeet you can't do that that's it you know painting it and and trying to dress it up there's certain things you can do a judge Friar the woman who became a she's climbing the ladder look at her look at her with a full shaped sneeze she is such a big kid as Hashem judicial system in America right kosher kosher I'm not talking about you know radical opinions like you know the you know this whole issue I don't want to go into right now but uh the the women's hot solo I don't know how if you have it in bechemist or in other places but in the beginning here it was a taboo you know especially by the hasidim and the right the right wing decorating you know women women maybe it's more sneeze for a woman to take care that of a woman than a man to take care of a woman and it broke through I don't know but by everyone but it it really it really uh made a difference where I see that there's more of an acceptance you know but but but but there are situations there are situations where whether it's a man or a woman and you know whatever you can't do certain things you know you know okay a basketball player remember the Goodman from Baltimore he moved there this road right he didn't play our shoppers he didn't plan Shoppers as far as I know he definitely was yamaka now let's see we're in the yamaka you can get it from yeah wearing the yamaka you can get described yeah the Spartan don't wear yamaka so what's the big deal and he's gonna and you can argue you want to make another argument he's in a basketball court an arena which is it's a rapping so you know what I'm saying and yet he didn't so that that's going with name is that he you know he's going to keep his yamaka on the court he makes making our kids my point is that then there's certain things you can't you can't and this is what rap on them deal with you know Avi you know protects you with the gun right when do you wear the gun when do you not wear the gun you know and all these shylists you know so the point being is by the way all of that is May I wear the gunman not wear the gun when may I wear the gun today I'm a ladder with it you're obligated to wear a gum because of the mum's Adam that are trying to kill us and hurt us you should wear the gun I'm your keeper or the doctor poskin the pulmonary doctor the head of pulmonary if maimonies he said I wear I have a mask for sleep apnea he says you have a heel to wear it a new Dipper and and and and if need be with your hand to turn it on I leave it on before of course and he's one of the biggest in pulmonary right that's why we got it up on them that's why we go to experts that's why we come but the point is that's the mayank process telling this guy who uses sitting on the on the streets hey I was raised a certain way and therefore I can't get it out of my system oh really you don't want to get it out of your system you can if you work hard there's no such a thing as cannot that's what my father taught me growing up a European Jew there's no such a thing as can't you can do everything you just want to have to want to do it if you work hard you're going to do it so this is what we're learning in Tanya and very important lessons very important anybody would like a comment or a thought no you're not I just want to say in the content to this one of the truly one of the true heroes I've met in my practice was a man who was a mechanic for decades and his wife died and uh um he went uh to speak with Israel and he resigned from from Kino and he came to me why because we had a typing for children as long as his wife was alive he wasn't he wasn't concerned that he might you know be tempted to act on it I thought they had a greater mission to protect the children I thought it was that that's really the true people or a true hero in my mind yes yes yes absolutely he he admitted to his weakness and he came to you to seek to leave to hopefully get him over the situation yeah absolutely but the other I don't think he had this situation I think that he you know he he was a recurring because it was a diver that he had and but he uh but but he um uh he wanted to really make sure he never acted on it okay and he came to you to seek help right yes yes you know he's going about it the right way and the Hashem should help that he should he should be you know should have a sister to stay that way anyway the other part that we we learned in the the main part and was still a middle of course that uh not being judgmental this chapter in Tanya this is the chapter for judgmental if any you know and we we Face Judgment judgmentalism Day in day out this is what they should learn when you finish this Captain Tanya if you're still judgmental then something's wrong with you I mean it's easier said you know because it's so natural for us but you see approach is like you know don't do this and if this is going to be punished you know okay now to them it goes about the same issue of not speaking Russian horror and not being judgmental but in a very very uh analytic intellectual way and again for some people this is not going to work and only that's going to work they're very much you know just tell me what to do and I should know what whoa what section and what's gonna happen and am I getting uh Heaven's social Ace you know well you know um which punishment I get them they have it all figured out and that's it it's a whole different approach okay Heather great learning I'm very proud of everybody that you wanted to learn today same to Dalia probably some of fasting and uh we're tired from the Yama table but I want to tell you and conclude with one word that I should have told you before but it's not too late said that everyone should take upon themselves a new minute for the new year not a din a minute so everyone here should think about it you don't have to publicize it you can okay don't have to whatever a minute a minute something something you know and this morning I got a wonderful a wonderful uh email a WhatsApp from my daughter Hindu lives in Tel Aviv she wants to um heighten her muzzle so she's asking the family members and everyone if they don't mind calling her by a full name her name is hinder Freda that's whose name of my grandmother so in until now she's been known by everyone as hinder right you don't use no very few years my wife and I would call our children by both names but people didn't I'm just saying such a thing you know it's not a din a mimic uh something you know something that you you want to add during the year every year something new in that vein that's from the rebara shop so um you got time from now to Yom Kippur to to think about it so I just want to everyone see everyone tomorrow take care bye bye