Rambam Mishneh Torah: Hilchos De'os Chapter 2 - When Extremes Are Good for You

the yeshiva.net [Music] welcome everybody we are about to begin the second chapter of the rambam's days the laws of ethics or character development the first chapter dealt with the various dispositions and temperament of different people who live on our planet and the rambam discussed the various extremes and the right path to go in middle of the road the intermediate path which he called the derek hashem or the midi benin is the derekham zayus representing the qualities of hashem a person becoming an embodiment of that path which avramavinu taught his children chapter two the rambam continues on this theme of character and personality development and also discusses and that's how he immediately begins when people face the great challenge of finding their character traits to be quite lacking let's begin hilka's day is perig bayes says the rambam he begins with a metaphor of physical illness one of the illnesses of a body is tayamim hamar are people who actually that which is bitter they taste as sweet and that which is sweet from the perspective of their taste buds it's bitter the yeshmin there are those who are ill misha mis people who actually crave and desire foods that are inedible that aren't unworthy for human consumption could go and you have it sometimes in an extreme people who have an illness their taste buds are so damaged or other parts are so damaged that they actually desire earth or charcoal for sonia mahalo and somebody might hate food that's actually edible and good for the body could go in ha ha bread or meat a coil of fruit river highly this all depends upon how great the sickness is this is a metaphor just as it's true in the body that sometimes because of a certain dysfunction that which is bitter i perceive as sweet that which is sweet i perceive as bitter that which is productive i perceive as constructive and conversely that which is destructive for me i actually want and desire there is a sickness of the body and there is a sickness the rambam says of the soul what is the symptoms it's people who crave and love character traits that are actually destructive with soynim and they loathe the good path in life um and they are become lazy to follow it and it becomes very heavy and difficult for them every person according to his or her dysfunction and spiritual or psychological deficiency and illness the prophet describes these types of people this is yeshaya chapter five hoi woe unto those who define evil as good good as evil they they define darkness as light and light as darkness what is bitter they turn into sweet and that which is sweet they turn into bitter so ushaya navi here gives three descriptions what is evil is good and what is good is evil what is darkness dark what is darkness is light and what is light is dark and then what is bitter is sweet then what is sweet is bitter valeam nemar on these types of poor souls the the they abandon the ways of just of just they abandon their just ways to follow pathways of darkness what is the remedy for those whose souls are ill they have to go to soul doctors there are physicians body doctors and there are fehana fascists what an expression doctors of the soul and those he calls the wise human beings who can heal the soul the iraq will call you and they will help them recover from their illness through the ideas the values the ethics the percep perspective that they will teach them until they will return to a healthy functional path in life so the rambam says what you see in physical illness has its counterpart in emotional or spiritual or ethical illness where a person sometimes is gravitating or addicted or in love or just naturally my instinct takes me to foods and in this case to behaviors to temperaments that are destructive they're not good and i need a soul doctor to help me heal bidets those who recognize their spiritual deficiencies they recognize the destructiveness of their mindsets their temperaments their patterns of behavior and they don't go to the soul doctors to find healing allah these people shall imam alex says in mishlai proverbs chapter 1 fools scorn wisdom and ethics muster is also rebuke chastisement wise people search for musa but an evil and evil as a fool scorns it so the rambam here really describes two people if you analyze it first he describes the person who calls what's bittersweet and sweet bitter what is dark as light and light is dark i'm in darkness and i think it's light but sometimes i'm not even aware of it i really think it's light it's pitch dark but in my mind it's light then the rambam says but if i'm aware of it if i'm aware of the problem then famous expression being aware of an illness is already half the remedy the moment i'm aware that there's a serious challenge that i'm struggling with something now i can go seek help so the first state is really a person who's so sick they don't even know they're sick then the rambam says those who know it and they still don't go for help oh gevald on this he has a special person the foolishness is so profound the fear and the foolishness of it they scorn the potentiality for renewal for rebirth for recovery the kate's adhere for awesome what's the remedy what how what what how do you deal with it so the rambam says miso balchema somebody who has serious temper issues baal female literally means the master of wrath he owns it it's not just you know i get angry once in a while i really own the quality of wrath this person has serious serious temper and anger issues the doctor of the soul will tell them to behave in a certain way he may not be able right now to extricate the emotion from him it's just it's a bri problem i have they tell them you got to go to the other extreme generally the rambam said extremes are not beneficial usually we like when people follow the middle of the road a synthesis of extreme emotions and temperaments that's all if you're more or less emotionally sound here the rambam is going to suggest going to the upper opposite opposite extreme in order to undo the extreme that was diametrically opposed the example of what the rama was going to say would be you know when you're when a paper was folded in a particular direction for a long time you can just get it back to the middle it's not going to go because naturally it gravitates to one side or the other so what do you do you have to bend it to the other extreme for a long time or for a while and then you can straighten it out so the random says this guy who has a serious serious temporary issue we tell them this is how you should behave even if somebody strikes you or curses you don't feel it don't respond at all follow this for a significant amount of time actually until the wrathfulness the anger the temper the temper that you so easily gravitate to and it became part of your life will be extricated be uprooted from your heart through the very behavior behaving in a way that i simply do not respond i'm going to the other extreme and it's it's somebody cursing a person he's hitting a person the rambam says it says though you don't feel anything that says no nothing happened you say but that's crazy well the person was crazy in the other direction so the rambam says you got to go to this extreme what if a person has an issue of arrogance they're just full of pride and narcissistic pompousness hubris arrogance yanagatsumai what's the right behavior bibisoyan the yeshiva mata this person has to allow themselves to be disgraced let them sit you know in the back of the room below everybody some of us live let this person wear shmatus this person who was so arrogant and made sure that their honor is protected to an extreme to the point that their arrogant becomes so toxic the rambam says you gotta go to the other extreme let this person wear shematas which is embarrassing or similar types of behaviors until the sense of hubris and pompousness is is uprooted from the from the person so you could go back to the intermediate middle path which is the good path in life and when you come back to the middle of the road that's the path you walk through right throughout all of the remainder days of your life valkavsa this is the course that you should follow yasir bashar khaladehas with other characteristics if you were gravitating to one extreme you have to distance yourself to the other extreme why extremes because you were in one extreme if you're in one extreme going back to the middle is simply not going to work you really have to re you have to create new neural pathways as we would say in today's lingo your brain needs to learn to respond to life to different different ways to respond to people's comments to respond to your spouse's comments to respond to respond to situations encounter circumstances emails text messages whatever is happening in your life your brain naturally has learned to respond in a certain way from a place of terrible terrible anger or a place of absolute insecurity or exaggerated egotism and you really have to create new neural pathways and the rambam believes that actions habits behaviors is the key in changing people it's the key that changes today we know how authentic this is even from a scientific point of view because it's actually actions not words not lectures not classes not lessons with all due respect to those of us who give lessons and classes and lectures it's actions like he said already in chapter one that really changed the person because they actually recalibrate they create new highways new drachem new pathways physically in our brain where our brain now has options to respond to life in different ways the of go to the other extreme and behave in the opposite way and follow this for a while actually until you return back to the right pathway he made the badness of the day and this is the intermediate path middle of the road which is appropriate in every temperament in every character trait now somebody's asking here a question does the rambam believe in psychoanalysis it's a great question now i believe in analyzing your mindset and temperament and how it developed and where it came from and so forth it's a great question and i'm going to ask you to i'm going to discuss this in our question and answer segment as you probably know by now after this year we dedicate a second class for sec questions and answers and deeper discussions in the rambam and they are they are loaded as a separate video if you go to valueshiva.net you have the class of rambam and then you'll have following that the question and answer class i'm going to discuss it there because i think it requires a few minutes another question was if the remedy is so simple just go to the other extreme why do you have to go to a soul doctor what do you need a soul doctor for the rama just told you what to do also excellent excellent question i'm going to share with you a little story that i once read actually somebody sent it to me last night about uh the famous balmousse known as the alter of kellum kelum is a city in lithuania and the altar of callum his name was rep his yard said it was hes of he passed away in the eighth above tough race i believe 1898. he was extremely poor he wrote a letter to his brother he had a brother a blabe who was involved in business and he asked him if he could please send him some money so he should be able to fulfill the mitzvah of zedaka he wants to give charity he said even though i have nothing so if i have nothing i'm not obligated to give because you can't give what you don't have he says i'm afraid that by not giving for a while i'm actually going to become a stingy person so i want you should send me some money i should be able to give the guys i should be used to the act of giving because if not even when i have money i'm afraid i won't give tzedaka and the point is a very powerful point actions are the most powerful decisive factor that change people internally not just externally but also internally and that's why for the rambam this is so important it's interesting we have a gemara in sanhedrin that's ahmed bayes and the rambam says it in sanhedrin chapter 3. in the jewish supreme court of the sanhedrin you weren't allowed to have a very old man somebody who never had children and the reason is because you must have that these judges who were often trying capital crimes or similar serious crimes had to be very compassionate and there actually says over there that somebody was already older they forgot that sarah gidelbaum they forgot the experience of raising children when you raise children you are if you're normal and healthy you are forced to cultivate your achim to cultivate compassion because without that you can't function and it brings out compassion in you somebody who's already far away remote from that and forgot that they're not going to be in the sanhedrin or somebody who never had children it's a fascinating thing the person may have an unbelievable disposition but it's the fact that when you are raising children you were raising a child you are daily on a daily basis doing endless acts of goodness and kindness and compassion you know what happens your brain changes now you could be in the sun head and if not you can't be says there are temperaments that it's actually forbidden to follow just the middle intermediate path to go in the center here we are obligated according to torah to go from one extreme to the other extreme vuhu what am i referring to guival i'm referring to arrogance it's not only appropriate that a person should be humble as he explained in chapter one be a humble person rather the proper thing is a person should be exceedingly humble we have a paradigm for this the greatest most powerful most holy most wise leader prophet rep of the jewish people was exceedingly humble in the presence of all human beings living on earth jew and andrew by the way unavoid not just therefore our sages instructed us again they use the word your humility should be exceedingly profound and acute they also search a column by coffee baker somebody who inflates his heart to live an arrogant life it's kapha baike is denying the fundamental principle of reality which means hashem's existence says tells the jewish people you might become arrogant your heart will become inflated and egotistical and you will forget god somebody who has arrogance deserves to be in a ban even just a little bit of it the same this is the rambam's perspective here based on allah here when it comes to humility we have to learn from israel why the rambam says because arrogance is a fear of it's like denying hashem and here i think we see the very point the rambam is making murshidabenu was certainly aware of his qualities he was certainly aware of his strength he was certainly aware of his potential and he was certainly aware of his vocation and the fact that he not anybody else was chosen by the reborn of shalom to liberate the jewish people from egypt to give them the torah to lead them through the wilderness and to become the greatest prophet in history to communicate the divine blueprint of terror to the jewish people and to humanity maishrabenu single-handedly together with his brother together with his brother aaron stood up to the great one of the greatest tyrants and dictators in history and staged a mutiny and a revolution and liberated as a messenger of hashem all of the slaves so mushrooms exceeding humility should not be translated as a sense of incompetence and insecurity and tremendous fear and the idea that i think that i'm an incapable loser moisture that says he's not just he has extreme extreme humility how do we understand this so it's all based on what the rambam says right after that that the opposite of humility arrogance is a denial of god which means one of the most essential ideas of judaism is every single person was created by hashem and given by hashem the powers and the resources and the gifts to be able to be an ambassador of hashem to bring light to the world and change the world the humble human being is the one who knows it's not about my ego god has give given me the gifts the resources the talents the opportunities the circumstances the very gift of life of soul of body of mind every single moment and everything i do is as a conduit as a sheliac as a messenger of the ribbon of shallow the moment i forget that the moment i separate myself from god's reality from god's wonders from god's holiness that's what real arrogance is real arrogance means that i don't realize that i am essentially a manifestation of infinity in this world so the most humble person is really the most powerful person because i realize that i'm a conduit and a manifestation of hashem's light this was moisha's gift and that's why moisha was so so humble because he knew i'm just a conduit it's like he understood the shrine speaks through the throat of martial says there's another attribute anger me the rohi adlamoid anger too is really destructive temperament don't only go to the middle it's worthwhile for a person to distance himself from anger to the other extreme teach yourself not to get angry even something significant that you would say it's appropriate to get angry but here a person should really train themselves to stay away from anger what happens if it's actually morally necessary a person is responsible to educate his family or his children and maybe there is a danger you know your child runs uh runs into the street where the cars are flying just to be pleasant and polite could actually be destructive how your partner is or you're a leader of the community and you see something morally destructive or horrible going on and it's important to display a sense of of of anger of upsetness so that they should come back to goodness they should do the right thing display a demeanor of deep upsetness of herd of anger in order so that they should be able to get the message but internally remain serene it's like a person who feigns anger but he's not really anger internally from your behavior learn to remain deeply composed even if your external demeanor must be one that the children or the community get the important message of how terrible it is what they might do or what they have done the early sages said somebody who engages in anger it's actually a form of idolatry they also said if he is wise his wisdom departs from him if he is a prophet his prophecy departs from him people who are always angry they simply don't have a life it's a miserable life powerful words of their album so we have our two temperaments the rambam said i want you to go we have to go to the other extreme the first he spoke about is humility learn from humility is something that the purse has to penetrate a person's life to be exceedingly exceedingly a humble person humble person means i'm always open to be a conduit for the higher truth i never allow my ego my insecurity my toxicity my hubris my pompousness to get in the way of life because it actually replaces god i become a god instead of allowing god to be god and me being a servant and a conduit for for hashem that's the first quality mushroom that the rambam taught us the second thing he said it comes to anger and he says anger too is it's like a form of idolatry because really what is anger what does anger really mean anger means i feel like i lost control i'm alone in the world the world is out to get me i am so angry because basically my core has been shattered if i realize that hashem's presence is always with me that i am part of hashem i am a manifestation of hashem's light i'm a conduit of hashem so i'm not i'm there's an invincibility in me there's always a vortex you know the eye of the storm is always peaceful and tranquil i don't resort to anger if he says you have to get angry about something because something terrible might be happening something in the family you have to guard your children not to make this terrible mistake or your community the rambam says okay display that face but internally you remain wholesome if not i am engaging i have to know that i'm surrendering to a form of idolatry and even if i'm a prophet my prophecy will go away from me god's spirit god's love and energy cannot dwell in the soul in the place of anger as it can dwell in the place of arrogance i'll tell you a great story in the second in the second section but question of questions and answers remind me about the helicorusioner and the ram tells us people are angry they just don't have a life it's just a miserable way of living it's just you know i'm always upset i'm always angry and i'm furious it's it's it's a horrible way of living we all know what people who lost themselves in anger have done you know in anger they've ruined their relationships ruined their families ruin their relationship with their children ruin their jobs and have made very foolish mistakes that's why when it comes to anger the sages commanded us to distance ourselves from anger and that means sometimes i have to go to the other extreme i should behave in a way that even things that ought to get me angry i have to not respond i have to retrain my brain even though you say this is not normal well until you get normal you have to sometimes be not normal the gemara ring suva speaks about stuss to say lisava we call it there's an insanity that comes from holiness which must counteract on insanity that comes from moral dysfunction that's what the gemara says in ksuvis was it we would dance by weddings and and you know people thought it was disrespectful it was like a form of insanity and observers said by his funeral honeyley stu lisava this form of insanity going to the other extreme was the counterbalance of insanity of of arrogance or of anger of other very destructive temperaments and character traits visually i derek this is the right path when it comes to when it comes to anger so other traits he said go to the other extreme and then you'll come back to the middle when it comes to arrogance and anger the remember says the other extreme is very good but there is the path the way of the saddiquim is hey malluvim they become embarrassed even if they become very vein of them they will never embarrass somebody else they will not stoop down to that person's level they will hear their disgrace somebody and they will not respond they will not descend to moral purgatory is they live their life they do everything out of love usm and therefore they can rejoice even in the pain that they receive on them the passage says and shaytan judges five his lovers those who love him those who love hashem like when the sun comes out in its full might and its full strength a person should always entertain and engage in the art of silence silence is a good thing the rambam says instinctively your path should not be okay let me say something because there's nothing to do the natural path should be silence a person should not speak only if it's words of wisdom or things that you actually need i need for my body i need for my existence that's important mentioned them already in the introduction he authored siphra and sifri was a student of the redactor of the mishnah in his entire life he did not engage in idol chatter which the rambam says is the conversation of most people and even when it comes to the needs of my body which rambam says you should talk about even there don't hakka china because they say don't engage in a lot of chatter our sages said calamari maybe hate somebody who just talks a lot it brings him to sin to transgression when i don't stop babbling and talking and hacking a shining even though i'm talking about what my body needs it just brings to words that are undesirable you have to be careful with words words that come out of your mouth the rambam says be responsible for the words that come out of your mouth cultivate the art of silence for umru they said stick i did not find for the body such a positive thing like silence perceives chapter one not only good for the soul it's also good for the body even when it comes to words of turn words of wisdom which is what a person should be talking about when you meet people what should i talk about i should talk about the rambam says generally be silent but speak about words of terror words of wisdom or words about things that are important that are necessary in life he says even when it comes to the content should be rich but the words should actually be few are saying teach your students in learn the art of being concise of being brief the content he says should be rich but the choice of words should be sharp and brief if the words were many and the themes were actually scanned in other words it's a lot of words but the messages are very poor or very little let me see how we translate this when speaking about matters of terror one's words should be brief but rich in content one should always teach his students with brevity and if one's words are many and the content is scant i raise you sickles that is foolishness while zan nemer on this deposit says kahelas chapter 5 the dream comes with a multitude of subjects and the voice of the fool with a multitude of words wow the voice of the fool comes with a multitude of words the voice of the wise the ram says in contracts in contrast comes with few words the words are brief and the content is rich says a perimeter offense around wisdom is silence he translates it here silence is a safeguard for wisdom one should not hasten to answer questions don't speak at length you should teach your students with calmness and tranquility without screaming and yelling and without being so worthy who the words of the wise are heard with serenity with calmness with tranquility a person is now let it behave and communicate with us the gift of gab with a smooth tongue and deceptive words never be that person who says one thing and means something else your inside should reflect your outside your actually your inside should be kebab like you're outside the indian should believe what you're experiencing in your heart the truthfulness inside is what you communicate verbally for us never are you allowed to deceive other people jew or gentile even the non-jews don't know the jewish people you're never allowed to deceive somebody why would you think there's a difference says i'll give you an example there's a non-jew who wants to eat kosher meat he likes kosher slaughtered meat he thinks it's healthier so what are you going to do you might sell him buster novella but even if you're not charging him extra money there's no monetary fraud in fraud do not tell him that this is buster and available deceiving somebody don't sell a non-jew sarnavala meat of a of an animal who died not according to the laws of ritual kosher slaughtering even though you didn't lie when i talk about lying when he's coming into the store and he wants to or you don't even know what he wants to he may not want to but he naturally thinks he's taking meat and he asks you for some meat because he thinks he's getting checked with me now you're not going to lie to him you'll just give him meat he might think it's what shakhtar meat because it's a kosher store you really took that piece of meat you say what's the difference he's an andrew what's the difference that's deceiving somebody even fascinating the shoe that was made of the height of an animal that died naturally and you sell that shoe in lieu of the shoe that came from the height of an animal that was slaughtered it seems like that the the hide of the animal that was slaughtered was considered better or tougher so you sell this through that this is this is this this is absolutely deception allah furthermore i'm not allowed to request for my friend to eat by me and i know that he can't come anyway so you understand what i'm doing i'm trying to buy friendship i'm trying to display generosity and i don't have to pay the price for it this is called deception i'm not harming the person but this is called gay vaccines i know that you have an invitation to somebody else's house for shabbos i know you're not coming to me but i come to you and i say i would love to have you as a guest in my house could you please grace us with your presence say oh i'm sorry i'm going somewhere else everybody's happy right i'm happy i don't actually have the guest you're happy you got such a beautiful invitation i'm happy that now you consider me my your friend and a nice person but i was deceptive i was deceptive says you know let it do it well yeah i believe it to kravis were you there shayna mccobb give him exceeding gift extra gift you know he's not going to take it person comes to your house yeah you offer another dish another dish another day you know he's not letting eat it but what you just want to use the opportunity to make believe that you are such a generous person maybe you are a generous person but this is insincere this is a great one you say ah let's open in honor of the guest we're going to open these 10 barrels of wine you know 100 years old just in honor of the guest no you have to open it anyway you want it open anyway you probably maybe you want to sell it but who cares you're killing two birds with one stone the rambam says that's deceptive anything similar one word of deceptiveness stealing somebody's mind deceiving somebody's mind me meaning making a false impression saying something that's not expressing sincerely who you are and what you mean this is forbidden the way to live is always have a lip that utters truth a correct spirit a pure heart that's liberated from all deceit and trickery zion shouldn't be a mocker a gesture somebody who's just laughing all day and making you know jokes about everything but don't be miserable melancholy dejected depressed elisa be a happy person abundant laughter and jest and lightheadedness frivolousness train a person they can bring a person to promiscuity how would you say that a person should not be should not laugh without control you shouldn't laugh without control but like otsev but don't be depressed or misable you're miserable and grieve grieve grief on a regular basis although mecabulous colored him to save eponymous always greet people warmly with a pleasant count countenance with serenity that's how you greet people the kendall yeah don't be a greedy soul rushing for every dollar you can make you know for the last the last penny for wealth and possessions but on the other end of utz but don't be lazy and just idle from work you know since i'm not greedy i don't need another opinion if i do nothing grandma says no that's not a productive life don't sit and do nothing a person has to engage in work learn to have a good eye a positive eye for again others and you don't need everything you don't need every another dollar another dollar and their album says you should limit your business endeavors so you can occupy yourself with turtle study and that part even if it's a little that a person has that's his lot you should be happy with it the commissioner says a wealthy person or somebody who knows how to celebrate what you have the loy bulk tata don't be a quarrel some person people are always confrontational fighting arguing i have to fight with everybody don't be that type of person valois balkina don't be a person who's an envious person anesthetic i'm always jealous don't be that person the loya baltiva don't be that person who's full of appetites and desires and addictions don't be that person next covert and don't be that person who's always pursuing glory and honor and attention the sage says jealousy desires and appetites and honor remove a person from this world which means they create for a very crippled life very crippled life the person cannot live a happy serene wholesome life you don't even get to know yourself you certainly don't get to know other people khloe shall dover the general principle and the conclusion is as follows a person should follow the midpoint quality of each temperament actually until all of the person's character traits are aligned at the center of the rod align the pathways of your feet you should walk on an even road an even path so that all your ways will be established and correct and firm this concludes the second chapter of hilda's deus now i'm going to take some questions this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at www.theyeshiva.net donate