Raise your child to be FEARLESS | The Rebbe at Gan Israel summer camp, 1957

Zion it was the Shabbos after gimotamus and at the end of that fabregan the Dabba made a surprise announcement that he's going to visit camp tomorrow it was a big surprise nobody knew about it this was the second of the rabbis III visits to camp I thought this is tuftshin yudzai 1957. the first visit to Camp was the previous summer 1956 when the camp was in Ellenville and it was a rented facility and when that ever went there was before opening day and there was a fabrangin for the staff who was there getting ready for camp but this year the one I'm talking about now tough shin yudzai in 1957 they had moved to a new location to Swan Lake to a property which they bought whatever actually was the one who personally signed the check to purchase the property so it was the new was the new facilities and uh that announced at the end of the Shabbos fabrang and tomorrow I'm going to camp the third visit by the way was a few years later 1960. in honor of the 200th yard site of the balshamtov after whom Camp Khan Israel is named so the next day after this fabregan Sunday 1 pm that ever heads up to Swan Lake and the rabbit toured the grounds and that ever paid meticulous attention to every detail one of the things when they were when they were looking for the property in the first place that ever had very strong opinions about certain conditions that there had to be like it couldn't be too isolated away from other people and other camps it was one camp that had a road going through that evident like that that there should be traffic going through the grounds uh that everyone there should be a body of water should have its own Lake so that that was all before they even bought it then in the rabbit toured the grounds and was pointing out things like for instance by the lake that ebbas said that there needs to be more safety a guard rail a lifeguard there has to be a has to be safety around the water um there was a there was a a hole in the ground I'm going to have a pointed it out the shuffleboard courts had cracks or bumps in them you know how shovel board works so if there's bumps that makes it so the the thing what he pushed like a little like a puck like a hockey puck yeah so if there's bumps in the in the shuffleboard board court it doesn't slide so a bit of a point that it can you imagine such meticulous attention for detail that ever pointed it out and said you know then it's not gonna the shuffleboard's not gonna slide smoothly you gotta smooth out the the surface that I even went into the basement in one of the buildings and uh there was a like uh some type of a well in the ground like a hole in the in the basement floor and obviously you should cover that up put a board on top of it like really really super attentive to all of these things then after the tour so there was a fabregan and that ever changed into a zydna kapata to Silk that I didn't wear silk every day back then that I would change it into silk and uh so there was a fabregan and then which was to all of the children there but which should be that ABBA said repeated to all children everywhere and really this is not just for now it's for the children from the next session of Camp who aren't here yet and wherever you can spread the word you should repeat this whoever's hearing this should go and repeat it or wherever whenever to whomever so I figure that that request still stands so we can we can still continue to repeat that of his words the camp Daniel says is named after the name of the Jewish people interesting I know we all associate with the belsham never said Camp Danielson is named after the Jewish people because he's swallows the name of every Jewish person which is also the name of the balship whose name was Israel first says the name of the Jewish people and then says and what can we learn what can we learn about the Jewish people and Jewish children based on the balship and so here the devil lays out like this whole system for dealing with children and he does it in a structured manner where there's a point with a story a point where the story a point with a story I'll show you the way it's it's very very meticulously structured it's like a building and each one is a story told by the federal and the whole thing that ever frames it as a continuation of your base Thomas on the birthday of the Frida Kadabra in fact I'll tell you what a continuation it is there was a mimer that ABBA said at the youth-based Thomas fabregan which turned out to be a Hamshire of three my motto it was a continual a series of three my modem the first one was youth based Thomas the second mimer in the series was the aforementioned Shabbos and then the third mimer which completed the series that ever said at camp after the secret so this is all a continuation of the whole uh you'd base Thomas fabrang so the rabbit says the the Frederick rabbit told a story about the balshamtov that when he was five years old you understand each of these are stories from the Freddy Krueger about you're going to see as we go through so the first story is a story The Freedia told about the balsham the campus named Israel which is the name of every Jew which is also the name of the balsham the figure ever told the story that when the balchampton was five years old his father said to him mankind results you should not be afraid of anyone only from Hashem guns and flam from verism you should love every single Jew with the entire flame of your soul whoever he is and however he is this is what the balship's father told him and we all know about Trump that was orphaned at a young age so that says these two things what two things Hashem and became the main themes of the Bal shamta's life from that point as well as the main themes of the balship's leadership interesting both aspects his own his own life and also his leadership what he taught to others what two things Hashem and avas Israel okay so now the Deb is setting up for us what are the two foundational Concepts that every child needs to know every child everywhere that ever saying repeat this everywhere to all children two themes Hashem and Abbas Israel okay now what do you think these these things mean I mean these are terms but what do they mean so that ABBA says and in case a child will say how is it possible that I can come to the level where I fear nothing at all except for Hashem in fact this is this portion was Moga that edited it and it's in the his office of Gaelic base so when I say to you where the parentheses are this is the Debbie's own editing okay so yiras Hashem means a child is going to say how is it possible I can come to a level where I fear nothing in this world in parentheses except for Hashem in other words this concept of yeras Hashem what's that emphasis not so much on the fearing Hashem but the emphasis on being Fearless in all other situations not fearing anything else in other words being completely full of courage it's an interesting concept what is a child's life supposed to be a Jewish child is supposed to have fearlessness they're supposed to feel they're supposed to feel that that there's nothing that can stop them nothing can hurt them you don't have to they don't have to hide from anybody they don't have to be ashamed in front of everybody I'm just saying if you want to understand emotionally speaking what are like the foundations of a healthy development of a child so I'm telling you right now that ebb is saying this is this is one of the two biggies that a child should be Fearless okay now there's a question that comes up which is but how but how do I know that nothing can hurt me in other words my fearlessness of everything else depends on my yidas Hashem that I find rashem is so great and awesome how do I know that's true how do I get myself to feel that this is the next step that comes up so the rabbit tells another story the next story says now here's another story that the Frederick ever told a story about so that I was going in order from the balship now to the maggot explained once that when a father wants to relate to a child the father will be involved in clean a chitin trivial matters what does that mean he doesn't really explain in detail but I suppose what it means is sometimes little kids they're interested in little kid type stuff and games toys the kinds of conversations they have are not like deep philosophical conversations they talk about what's going on in their class about my friend didn't let me uh he didn't share the ball with me at recess you know these are the types of things that a child has on his mind so the Magid says a father because of his love for his child he'll deal with Clinic he's going to deal with trivial things things that are very small for him things that for the father are really not so important but for the sake of bonding with this child the father's gonna going to talk about it he's going to care about it for the kid a very interesting concept there and the devil says as a martial meaning it's something you're supposed to automatically relate to it's like a given the Marshall is of course it's a given that a father will deal with trivial things now I told you already at this very visit to Camp when the Debbie showed up and was touring the grounds what kinds of things that Eva was noticing and pointing out and what the devil was involved in Little Things little details not even things about the how they were going to teach the kids but physical stuff material stuff the shuffleboard Court needs to be uh smoothed out you need to put a a fence around the around the lake like really practical stuff physical stuff like a father who takes care of the details who lowers himself to deal with the details but didn't have better things to be worried about than shuffleboard courts but when you're a father and you have a child so you're involved that's part of the job you get involved in in Trivial things and small things so that but that's just the Marshall the Magid says what's the name show that of course Hashem is our father so a Jew should realize that Hashem is involved in all the small little things and when a Jew will think about how Hashem like a father is involved in all the small little things then it's going to be natural for him that he will not fear anything else it's very interesting we all know that the child needs to have that feeling of fearlessness that nothing intimidates him in the world but what is that based on it's based on his experience of Hashem being caring and taking care of the details so think about what the web is describing it's it's very important that a Jewish child should be Fearless they shouldn't be intimidated they should be courageous think about today all the anxiety that everyone has including children and that I was addressing this and saying we need to give our children an emotional Foundation where they're not going to have that anxiety they're going to feel safe and secure and therefore confident it's very interesting and this is all under the definition of what is Hashem I mean practically what theater is Hashem the way that I was translating it is fearlessness when you fear Hashem you fear nothing else because that's what the balship's father told him he told him as a formula you shouldn't be afraid of anything except for Hashem so what does it mean when you're afraid of Hashem you're not afraid of anything else okay great but how do I get that feeling so the devil says that's where you have to think about the maggots Marshall about a father who's loving and takes care of all the details think about that and that ABBA set the example by walking around the camp and and pointing out Little Clinic things that are really not not the most uh humongous issues in the world what does this show us it shows us that when we take care of small things things that are maybe a little bit boring or even a little bit annoying to us because they're childish things but to the child they're important and we take care of those little things then the child is able to relax and Trust that they're being taken care of and then the child will be Fearless oh and God forbid if we do the opposite and I'm not saying that anyone would ever purposely do this but I'm saying sometimes we don't prioritize taking care of children's needs because precisely because their needs are often small little things and from our mature point of view we don't relate to these little things being a problem like we've grown up we've grown out of it so when a little kid comes to you and he's complaining about the you know I don't like which team I'm on or uh they uh you know they they I got the wrong uh I got the wrong food for lunch and from our perspective it's like we stop already like we're we're working on such big things for you we're trying to give you a great summer and you're like getting focused on tiny little details just let it go but you have to remember that's how a child is a child is small so a child relates to small things and when a father is a loving father so he takes care of those those small things I mean follow the devil's example if if it could be typhus little details about camp then for for sure somebody who's a counselor whose whole job is to give a child a great summer then she it should be significant to you little things just remember that these are little things these are not things that you would necessarily notice because bakashem you're big now but remember what it's like from the child's perspective and remember the reason why taking care of these Clinic is so important because when a child feels that the small things are taken care of then they become Fearless this is all about the the healthy development of the child the goal is like we said that the child should emerge with these two foundations which the belshant have made the foundations of his life and his message to everyone else Israel and how does the devil describe means fearlessness it means somebody who doesn't have anxiety somebody who's not neurotic who's not full of worry you see the kids today how much they worry okay so the dev is saying we got to get that out of them we got to remove that from them how do you do it by yelling at them no you're going to make them more neurotic if I tell toughen up right by telling what are you worried about no you're just going to make them more uptight you can make them more stressed by being gentle with them and paying attention to little stuff that might seem trivial to you but this teaches them that they're being taken care of when they feel taken care of they can relax okay but we're not done because now the child feels like a prince he feels totally taken care of every little thing is going to be taken care of for him because he's he's beloved he's important he's precious okay now that Evan deals with the next issue what do you think the next issue is now the kid is feeling like every little thing that he wants taken care of is going to be taken care of why entitled exactly it's inevitable that the side effect is he's going to feel entitled now We're Not Gonna not take care of him because we're afraid of him feeling entitled we are going to take care of him but we have to have something to deal with the entitlement so the rabbit tells the next story that his father-in-law told now he's on the altered so he says here's a story of the altered the story is that the Tomato came home from khaidar and as is the custom Jewish children start studying Hamish with safer vayicro so the temerity was studying Viagra and he came home and he asked his grandfather who raised him the the altareba why is the aleph and vayicros small so the altareba told him because Hashem is speaking to Maisha and Moshe made himself small but she had every reason to be very full of himself because of his accomplishments but he made himself small and we should all make ourselves small and then the rabbit describes what does that mean because I could repeat those words but how do I explain it to a child make yourself small so to make yourself small I just wanna looking here in the his office of helic Base look what they said they suffers of the the section of goodbye Thomas and uh claim make yourself small okay yeah what does that mean make yourself small don't run around bragging don't uh try to show off I don't know what does it mean so that explains exactly what it means making yourself small means doing whatever Hashem commanded without considering whether or not you enjoy it would you have come up with that I wouldn't have come up with that making yourself small means following directions doing what Hashem told you to do and we bowed as the ebishant on foreign commanded him to do it certainly it's good that is that's huge that is huge first of all what does it mean to make yourself small means to do what Hashem told you to do whether you enjoy it or not but second and maybe even to me this is a bigger bombshell that although you don't have the schmack doing it you know that it's good for you see Cabela's oil doesn't just mean I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna suffer but I was forced to do it so I'm gonna have to suffer and I have no choice or even I'm forcing myself to do it because it was ingrained in me but I'm going to suffer it's not good I don't like it no the real cabala cell here is that the child is going to do it even though he doesn't enjoy it but he knows that it is good that it is good tell me why would this child believe that something he doesn't enjoy is good what's that based on where's the child getting this from Hashem told you to do something that you don't like you don't like it so why would you believe as a child that it's good you have to understand this whole thing is is one building we've already built we've already built the floors underneath which this floor is standing so we've already established that you're taken care of this all goes in order we've established that every little detail is important to your loving father so if you feel taken care of you know that you're taken care of then you're able to surrender to directions in other words you can't neglect somebody and then tell them to have Kabbalah soil or at least I mean you can tell them but it's not going to be successful because why should they Trust why should they let go why should they surrender but if we build it like this that the child feels totally taken care of then the side effect becomes the entitlement but then we deal with the entitlement by giving them a sense of Duty no you have a job to do Hashem told you what to do now do it even if you don't like it but even when you're not liking it you don't feel like you're being abused you don't feel like somebody's hurting you or taking advantage of you or just making you do stuff that has no purpose or Reason no you already know you're taken care of so even when you have Kabbalah soil and you do what you don't like doing you feel like that itself is good for you so you have to go in this in this order there's a whole whole system that I was giving us here okay so now we have this system the system is first and foremost to be Fearless how am I Fearless right that's the story of the balship's father told him don't fear anything but Hashem okay how does that get implemented like the Noggins Marshall the Father the loving father who takes care of every little detail I know that I am taken care of so now I'm fearless when the entitlement kicks in because I'm being spoiled by my loving father takes care of every little detail that I have to be told hey that same loving father has taken care of you has given you instructions he's told you what to do and even when you don't like it you do it because it's good for you and remember your father already established that everything he tells you is good for you he's only there for you he's taking care of you he's not using you right that was already established there's an expression people don't care what you know until they know that you care people don't trust that what you're telling them is truthful and useful until you've already established some level of caring so when a child feels that they're taken care of then they can have Kabbalah soil this is the Mako neum approach to Cabela soil you can't beat it into somebody you can't tell somebody in other words to have cabalis oil to the Indian of Kabbalah soil first you have to prove to them that they're being taken care of even in tiny little details then they can relax and let go and do things even when they don't feel like doing it because ultimately they know it's good for them and then what's the next stage so then the Reba says comes in and tries to talk you out of this whole thing meaning the kid so now the kid feels Fearless because he knows Hashem is taking care of him and he's not entitled he has a sense of Duty that he has to do things what Hashem tells him to do even when he doesn't like it because he knows he knows hashem's taking care of him amazing sounds like a very spiritually and emotionally healthy child but the etah comes in and tries to mess with that tries to talk him out of it so now what's the solution for that so the debit tells another story from the Federal Credit now we're on the mythlete so the debit tells the story which is actually a hayami aim not so much a story but like a one-liner it's a Haye meme from uh Hof Tavis that the mitlin said that when two Jews get together so you have two Godly Souls fighting one animal soul so the Reba says that the child has to know that whatever they're going through they can talk to a friend let me give us three examples a friend a counselor I've said an English counselor or their teacher and when you talk to somebody else and you team up so the Republic you guys all know as women fights when you're fighting sway Kagan Anum two on one the two are going to beat the one you're going to be victorious in other words in order for this perfect system outlined to work a child has to feel that they have somebody to talk to whether it's a peer or a counselor or a teacher maybe it's even that I was describing in order of age right like a peer is your same age and a counselor's a little bit older and then a teacher is like an adult but at any rate the point is that I was describing the necessity of having relationships so important person cannot be spiritually healthy in a vacuum when when we think about I mean there's a little bit the lofty here but we think about the idea Israel is is the clear for Ava Sasha these things are all intertwined they're all related what does that mean it means ultimately yeah we want the child to have a relationship with Hashem that's that's that's the point that he should know Hashem he should love Hashem he should fear Hashem you should believe in Hashem but what's interesting is in order for that to happen it happens within a human context it happens within relationships with other people when you think about it that people who are isolated who don't have safe trusting relationships with other people their relationship with Hashem suffers as well and vice versa somebody who has trustworthy people in their life ideally it's your own family obviously the ideal is that the child's family is supportive and trustworthy and caring and safe but at least they have somebody a friend a counselor a teacher they have somebody so that's what makes this whole thing work so reflect upon the significance of this talking to a kid and being there for them even on a basic level meaning not having a profound discussion although certainly that as well if that's what the child wants but even just on a social level of showing them that you're there for them of taking an interest or even just saying hello good morning or whatever just interaction having human interaction this is what makes the whole system work it's wild basically that is going in order though all these different things that the child needs in order to grow and be healthy and and the last one is interaction with other with other people that's what makes the whole system work you're going to say what about the rest uh the the bayam then that ever stopped after that point and this they sing anima mean and then there was another sir and then there was a mimer which was the completion of the Hampshire that was begun and at the youth base Thomas fabrango so number one the balship's data yet which means Hashem means the way the rabbits is it fearlessness means I'm afraid of nothing like the balship's father told them fear nothing and how do I get to fear nothing so we use the magid's muscle a loving father takes care of every little detail including smoothing out the shuffleboard Court when I know that I'm taken care of then I relax I know Hashem has me I'm in his hands I'm fear I fear nothing and then when the inevitable entitlement comes up and I say look hashem's taking so much care of me I can do whatever I want so then we have the altadaba story about the small Olive make yourself small what does make yourself small mean relax and surrender and do what Hashem tells you knowing that he's not hurting you he's taking care of you just like he he's taking care of you when he takes care of you he's also taking care of you when he tells you what to do it's just another form of taking care of you and because you feel taken care of you're able to believe that do you get the subtlety there because I think there's an old model where where we imply to people that they're going to have to do what they have to do even if it hurts them and and the Deb is saying that's not how you should tell it to a kid because you've already established to him that Hashem is loving and attentive and dealing with all the the the Small Things even the trivialities and therefore doing what you're supposed to do even when you don't like it is not going to hurt you it's only gonna it's only gonna help you it's very important when you when you're teaching Kabbalah soil to campers which inevitably will come up because there are things that you don't have time to explain and really you shouldn't explain because they should learn how to follow directions but there's a there's an old way of doing it is way of doing it one way is just saying because I said so another way and this only works if you've already established yourself as caring and attentive is by telling them because it's good for you and you know how you know if you've established yourself as caring an attentive you know they're having a bike and how to test that if you've truly established yourself as carrying an attentive is the next time you tell them to do something because you told them to do it they relax and they do it because they believe you and then finally when the child starts getting confused about this whole wonderful perfect system what's the solution we follow the middle of is saying talk it out with another person a friend a counselor a teacher but those interpersonal relationships connection you understand when you are giving time to a kid the the impact that this has on the child's future I hate to use negative examples but I promise you I don't think anyone in the past hundred years has left Yiddish kite based on a truly ideological basis meaning Maybe Once Upon a Time somebody saw a pamphlet from the masculum and decided to run away from the statl I don't think that's happened in a hundred years today what happens is that people feel abandoned either by their family or their Community or or the Jewish people and because they don't feel that sense of belonging so so they leave and sometimes even in a very harsh way it's not a Jewish statement but uh it's a good it's a good vote and uh there's a there's an old African Parable that a child who's not embraced by his village will burn it down in order to feel its warmth so this connection to people a feeling that I have people to talk to that there are people who know that I exist that's what makes the whole thing work I'm saying it in the positive way now when a child feels that yiddishkite is a place where there are people who we can turn to whether it's about trivial things or about deep issues that arise in a child's life from time to time but he feels that he has people he can turn to and who will listen to him and give him time and attention that connection that's the two Godly Souls ganging up on the one animal soul and then they're surely Victorious so the whole thing depends on those interpersonal relationships so the the impact that you have on interacting with a kid is much much deeper than just whether or not he's going to have a good summer it really no pressure but it forms his opinion about whether or not he can trust Hashem and Torah and yiddishkite and whether or not he's going to feel like this is a safe place for him to continue to grow it's a very big deal which is why I'll just add one more thing that it doesn't talk about in the sikha but uh on a practical level it's very important and that is dealing with your own emotional state your own matsara because this child's entire opinion of Hashem is going to uh be influenced by the relationship they have with you and the treatment they get from you so it's really really super important that we take care of our own stress so inevitably in the course of a summer in Camp where you have an incredible amount of responsibility there's going to be stress I'm going to give you all a lesson that you can learn now before you become fathers okay this is such a dark vorth but I'll share this with you you know why a bahr gets double portion of inheritance it's due to him because of all the mistakes that the parents made on him okay so I want you I'm a bahara also so it's not just a fast on out of pesach I also yeah got messed up more than all my siblings I want you to learn this now and then you'll already have it Mastered by the time you have your own families you cannot afford to let your stress compromise your ability to show love to every child and to do it in a manner of calmness and gentleness so when you're feeling stressed you have to have tools for dealing with that especially and I think this would be good for everyone in this room because you're you're here as a group is to try to make a commitment to each other I know you're not all going to the same places but I'm sure you'll be virtually in contact with each other and also you can share this message with your staff that will be wherever you are and that is that staff has to look out for each other's emotional well-being and when somebody is stressed if he's too stressed to even deal with campers give them five minutes to go calm down if he if he's able to just pull himself together by getting some his Hook from from another from another counselor then let them do that whatever it is but please be on the lookout for each other to make sure that you are feeling rested and you're feeling calm and you're feeling you're feeling peaceful because it's your sense of of emotional well-being and security that's going to make this kid the whole system that that describes the whole system it depends on on basically the the energy that you're giving off it's a huge responsibility but um there's no impact in the world like it and you're literally affecting Generations you're affecting entire entire families