Rabbi Zev Freundlich speaking at Thursday Night Mishmar Parshas Mishpatim at Scheiner's Shul

okay so uh tonight I think we should start talking a little bit about Adder I think it's a great opportunity and uh you know every time people ask me to speak by around other season this is the perfect so if you want to know something to say at any close to this is it this is the V and it's a famous V famous CL fromo um and we're just going to speak about a little bit and I think it's really really very powerful and it answers a lot of questions especially for us learning uh Milla we'll be able to uh relate to it so if you ask a simple question if I would ask you what is the Jewish season of giving peace to mankind right it wouldn't be December time right what's the season of giving in Judaism peace to mankind what's the season of giving I guess well so the answer really is that there's only one time a year that okay okay everybody right but the truth is that CLR has only one time of year that's the season of giving I guess the peace to mankind will put in parentheses but the season of giving is only in peram time the only time that there is a Mitzvah to give Myer is you have to give Myer but it's yeah it's not Myer so no no I didn't mean to say but even Myer Myer m is not necessarily so today all it's you know a person should give it you should give Myer but it's not really a there's only one time a year that's a to give right and we even know that for Myer itself if you don't have you don't give so but on it comes to P you must give and question really is is I mean I could think of better times of year when a person should give you should give what is it that the main MIT of the day really is and even the suda has a part about sitting together there's a real tremendous focus on giving on Perm more than any other time of the year so the question is a solid question I mean what is it what's so important about the Yanti that creates that the mitzah have to be tied to the giving aspect that's that's the question um now I think there's a there's a general rule and the general rule is is that when we think about giving generally giving we go we jump to the famous from and he basically ask the question he says how does a person give to people that he likes is it sort of like you decide I like you and then I give to you which is the normal way I give you presents to people that I like so says he says well the opposite is is the real truth of giving says the people that well not necessarily don't like the people that I give to I begin to like and says famous that the one that I give to that is one I like and he bring brings a story there about uh a parent I don't know if it was him or someone else who was during the war and they were with one child and they was this Mother's with one child and she was she had two children and one of children was hiding with her and she was spending you know a year or two just with this child and after the war they they they got back together the love the Ava that this mother had for this child was definitely it was you know beyond the scope of love and care for the other child and it was just a simple because the more that the mother gave to the child the more she actually loved the child so it's the exact reverse we think in America today the ones we give and ones we like so he says no it's the ones we give those the ones we begin to like not we the opposite give it makes you like them more exactly you do not like feel good about that person what you should do you should give to them get give exactly yeah yeah that's it that's that's that's exactly what it is and and that really creates a whole different mindset of what it means to really create relationships and how to create relationships especially you have a kid at home that you know it it's hard for the father son relationship to work out so well so what do you do take him out to eat spend more time with him and then you'll begin to really create that relationship that may or may not have been so easy in the first place so that's really a it's a new mindset but that being said so really what happen happens is is that when we create a relationship based on giving it becomes much deeper and and he also brings down that parents who have children or special needs you will create a stronger bond with the special needs child than any other child right seemingly you think well why all the children the same the answer is no because you just spend so much more energy with this child you create a really strong bond so that's the classic in so we we just extra with that concept we like this there is a another um you know sort of like I I get a relationship rule that there could be a relationship that two people have let's say husband and wife and the relationship is sort of U one that the husband or the wife or a spouse can give their spouse a tremendous amount of giving if for some reason the spouse does not perceive that giving or does not appreciate that giving then obviously it will have a adverse effect the giving it's not really giving they're trying to manipulate me I don't really trust them and there could be all kinds of problems with that if someone has a problem accepting a person has a problem to to realize that someone's giving is a gesture of love it could be a whole host of issues that could be brought out of that which creates a relationship issue doesn't affect the giver right no no no no but I'm saying I'm from the from the taker Point yeah yeah and also as we K points out he says that every action of giving which means hand goes in Pocket pull out money and give you is not necessarily A giving act and me taking something from you is not actually a taking act for instance I go to my boss I say hey course i' like to take you out to a golf a golf game in dinner and I pull out $500 and I give to him a golf game and dinner am I in the act of giving or in the act of taking taking because I'm giving in order to get whereas you come home exhausted bus transaction and your wife has made a delicious supper but you are wife she drove in 5 hours and you're dead and you but you know your wife wants to give the supper she made for you but you have no head or brain to take it if you do take that dinner from your wife are you taking or you giving you're giving you are giving so the fact that your hand goes in your pocket and goes this way doesn't mean you're giving it's the context and the fact that you take from someone doesn't mean you're taking it's the context exactly so it's kind of like the effect of it is giving for a r well I I don't want to say that I don't want to get holy here it's very simple giving in order to take is taking taking in order to give is giving you could take from someone because you want to give that person you're now giving even though you're actually taking quote unquote and the fact that you're giving someone for the purpose of taking from them to manipulate them or to butter them up then you're just merely just taking from them although it looks like you're giving so one has nothing to do with the other it's all context and what what's happened here so that being said so we now have these sort of like three sets of rules here about what does it mean to create Relationships by giving that builds the love that you have between you and another person the more you give the more you love number two the way that the action or the the the the direction that your hand is going with the giving or taking is irrelevant it could be your giving only to take or you're taking only to give and the third concept that we said is that a a relationship that has one side who who gets something from somebody but does not believe or trust that that's an act of giving no matter how much they get it will not create a relationship it will do maybe the opposite it's a for way of manipulation you're just giving me because you and therefore we have to create a way for the taker to appreciate the giving and understand that this giving is for because they want to be an act of Love okay these three concepts we have so now I'm going to give you a a true it's a true story I just heard it yesterday I went to a I was speaking to a person and they told me about a very wealthy person in bar Park not going to say his name but you may know him a big Asin fabulously wealthy he has This Magnificent house in bar Park he has like 30 rooms that he has for guests that people who come from AR he has three or four sweets for families so with sick children they stay in his house while they do you know procedures in the United States he had a commercial kitchen that his wife and him the entire Thursday prepare for Friday night suda three sets of sudas throughout the night that him and his wife serve all the guests the musim and people from barbar who don't have a place to go to and basically this is done every Friday night and they 4:00 till 4:00 in the morning till shab you know shabas morning 4:00 in the morning they are serving three meals and they the whole day the Thursday I heard that I was like that is that's incredible like I said the lady told me I said listen whether it's exactly true or not they don't say about you and me you know what I'm saying that's a crazy story now now you may this is supposed to be a famous person famous person I I know his name but I don't want to mention but you may have know me who he is you know of him when I heard that story I thought to myself about two reactions to that story right the first reaction is that is amazing that that is amazing that's one reaction and another reaction is what's the catch n come on what's the catch what's the catch okay that's what happened to me yesterday the way the way M brings this out is as follows if I tell you so now actually this sh is from RIT ker who was a big kber talid he was n many years ago I heard from him probably 20 years ago this SM based on he said like this if you hear a story there are two people who hear the story you hear ruing and shim a million dollar gift no strings attached he just gave it to him who will believe that story more a giver or a taker Giver who's going to believe the story a giver will be like that's crazy but wow what is a taker gonna say a taker a person who likes taking he's not a bad person he just likes taking what's he gonna say couldn't oh come on no don't be naive say what's his number no he's not gonna believe the story right if ask youself when you hear crazy stories who believes that story The Giver or the taker so a giver who's totally given is like that's amazing the taker will say don't be naive come on what do you think you guys just give a million dollars gift for nothing right so it's it's sort of like it's like it's like like a like it's like a litus test to know whether you're a giver or a taker when you hear unadulterated giving just endless giving you ask yourself the question do I believe that story or not now many of us are somewhere in between right but the closer we are to that like of course that that's amazing and we're not naive that means we understand pure love giving yeah and the more we're like come on are you crazy there must have been some other St in here about then we're close closer to the taking side not that we're bad but just that it's a mindset there's a big problem with purm more than any other holiday of the year see pesak was giving in your face you can't get better giving than the PES story Hashem bre crazy n miracles in front of kol in the whole world you can't get bigger Nissim than sukus has a n cover you can't get bigger giving than Mona the whole world knew about it where's the giving of purm who who said there was giving it was a aanka trump story aanka Trump gets into the White House she works it out and guess what the Jews got Trump making things happen for us Esther happened to get in a love story right little someone got killed loves she gets in she swings A's heart H where's the giving where's hashem's giving in the perm story who's going to believe the giving the giver or the taker The Giver how do you become a giver you better start giving very quickly become a giver very quickly because if you don't become a giver then what is the perm story just luck it all worked out when you become a giver then the perm story is hashem's unbridled giving if you're a taker you don't see nothing there's no giving whatsoever it's just just worked out it was a Lucky Strike for the Jews you think that the giving makes the whole n of perm Mis become a Nigro if you do not become a giver yourself there is no purm story it's just it's just luck it worked out vka Trump got into the White House it's all worked out Trump worked out all okay the moment you become a giver you're just like humbled by hashem's giving you're like do you see what I like and there's so many swev has right on on on on the Milla on the on the on the gr has a whole Parish on the Milla every Nuance of the millas hashem's giving that whole story doesn't exist to the taker because what do you mean what come on don't get so naive you think Hashem made this whole backstory it was just a coincidence you have to develop your giving in a very serious way and the more you become a giver the more you see hashem's giving and and that's why puin more than any other yff the mitz of the day are basically just give and give and and as fathers we know this like every like you know about time I heard this of art years ago so it worked out for me but we're driving 29 hours on porm I mean literally you're driving a whole the whole day like where's the me in porm there is no you in perm for good reason it's all giving give to your kid give to your neighbors good I mean how much we're giving and giving and giving and you're driving 29 hours on a kid you're not do the math that's harder than driv no no right right and it's Non-Stop and it's clutching and screaming and yelling and that and it's giving and giving giving and the entire porm from the beginning to end is nonstop giving it's not a mistake now yeah it's not a mistake and it's not a coincidence it's not like just we just happen to get into the giving mode no the entire purm doesn't exist unless you become the giver that's really the truth and it's it's a powerful thought it's such a it's a powerful thought and when you think about that so that's our a real Ava of what perm is about develop our in internal giving become a giver and you'll see hashem's giving and then all you're around you just see really is it like so so when this happens was it giving or wasn't it giving is Hashem giving me or not depends if you're a giver or not you'll see it and that's really a beautiful concept that really creates a whole new mindset of what perm is and what our on Perm is and how we're spending our day on pm and why it's so important to spend your day on purm and it should be nothing thinking about yourself you know like there's no there's no AV bigger on per than to give others there's nothing to talk about monetarily or not even Monet I tell you driving your kid and Non-Stop and just giving and and just so that's a really very powerful thought and and I every time I I think about that concept I just it Just Awaken so much inside of me throughout the year again why do we take that away from an A veillance from a what an a veillance an a veillance me they can't give why making me which is far I'm saying why would we why would we take because there there are different mindsets that Hashem wants us have throughout the year so when a person's an oval there's a different mindset you better working you're not at that point right the general perm is become a giver appreciate hashem's giving and you'll have a world of you see hasm giving all the time if you're a taker you'll never see hashem's giving remember a taker never sees hashem's giving never sees anybody's giving because it can't be no one's giving to me that's for sure but but the Aus part is like okay so now we have a different a that we got to work on now Aus is let's focus on what we lost and that's another thing you got to work on and we have a lot of things to work on focus on what God gave me right% yeah yeah that's that's that's actually true I mean we know this yeah yeah that's what actually is because we we see that's that's interesting because when mosha and Aon are sitting shiva for Miriam right so the meure says kol comes a big Ruckus of kol coming because there's no water anymore Miriam shut off the tap and they show up they show up to to they knock on the door mosha aon's door and he said this is not a good sign because the young people were in the front and the elders were in the back not a good sign and they're sitting shiva about Miram and says Hashem what should I do Hashem says what do you think Mir represented giving CLA water go give him water that's the best way to bring out the Aus of what you missed water don't get him so it's the same concept that really that's exactly what is is to realize what you had and what you lost and what has gave you um but yeah so it's a it's a really powerful thought and again if developing this concept is just is so powerful throughout the year because first of all it's every relationship that you have right every relationship spouse relationship children relationship parents relationship like do we appreciate what our parents gave us depends are we a giver or a taker do depends what our children give us do we the relationship anything right um I think this is more relevant for us for our spouses I think it's more of a more of the issue because we sometimes don't see it and it's not because there isn't being done it's because we don't have the giver glasses on we have the taker glasses on or like I said no one's really a taker everyone's sort of like in between but the closer we get to the giving and through the the more you give the more you become a giver and the more you love whoever you're giving to that concept has to become reality specifically on the okay so we give appreciation that's also giv it's the same thing it's it's it's not has nothing do with money it's give appreciation give time give energy you know like there's I I once met a Riva and he told me you you changed my Yeshiva I said really I didn't give any money he said he once asked me TW uh 15 years ago if he can make a parl meting in my house I said absolutely he says he never forgot that line absolutely I didn't give any money but I gave him absolutely I could have said wait did he make the problem he made my house no no he could have said he could have said I could have say this you P me my house let me find out I don't know we'll see when you said absolutely I gave all the confidence to them it didn't cost me anything all the absolutely right so he told me that 15 years later he said you should just know what that did you I just felt like somebody's here with me like he I'm here to help you right if I would have said anything less than that it would have been good too and I went have problem meeting but it's not the same giving