Rabbi YY Rubinstein - How To Make This The Last Tisha B'Av

[Music] first of all just like to thank sincerely Btu for hosting me I'd like to also thank Rabbi Lazarus not to dash away from emergency just whispered to me certainly like to express my gratitude to the sponsors and as we heard the Bashir is dedicated for a little boy who needs a little or as I would say a wee bit more help and achieving his Oh I've become disconnected achieving his full potential and we should all of course join together in expressing our sincere hope that a sham will make that happen quickly also of course have to give thanks to Kozak who very kindly are partners and in tonight's event and who I've a great pleasure and privilege of speaking for very often the case you don't know I'm sure you do but their work is sincere honest successful and passionate and that saw was a pleasure to be with them and to speak for them I thought I thought oh and we're being videoed by Tara anytime and sorry time turns an audience of 50 or 100 into an audience of 5000 or 10,000 and the audience 1000 to 50,000 so thanks to them for videos tonight hello so what I wanted to call this particularly as the theme which I've been asked to emphasize is speech and talking I wanted to call it talking up the Corbin talking up the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash so I'll explain to you in a second what exactly what I mean by the true story Oh incidentally are you understanding me you got me good good good because as Americans like to say to me you have an accent so - you exist that my accent is might be I'm just making sure you sure cuz I can good the rest of the thought like that if you'd prefer okay two years ago I was in London speaking for a wonderful wonderful organisation cam Sinclair which deals retreats for our families we've got children who are very very not well lived - retreats one for parents of children with cancer and one for parents with children who've got worse diseases in cancer so I was there speaking for the latter camp and I went to see a very very dear friend of mine beforehand himself has not been well with at that time while Kishan has had a complete recovery and he told me a story which I thought was so so very apropos for our theme tonight and very important in fact I've said this in California few weeks ago and somebody said to me afterwards something which I've heard to be the reaction whenever I've told the story this is life-changing so you ready a life changing story true story there was a gas leak rebby not whenever you see that it's not a true story but this is a true story okay Ksyusha miser odd City story it's actually true there was the cassini we're probably still is can't remember the name almost I did look up for City cos in a row me and he had a horse in of course and the closet had a problem the closet problem was he had a terrible uncontrollable temper I believe the American phrase these days is he was a rageaholic is that the phrase now he was a nice guy he wasn't a bad person it's just that he had an uncontrollable temper and when he lost it it was like thermonuclear explosion everybody was damaged by the fallout his wife was damaged his children were damaged his neighbors the people who worked for him and regretted it immediately I mean he was a good person he just couldn't control his temper so of course if you're across it with a problem what you going to do go and see the Rebbe say what this is Rebbe big fellow can see the Rebbe and he's pouring his heart out to the Rebbe and explaining how much he regrets this is just he can't do anything about it just keeps happening and the Rebbe start stroking his long beard and they said look this indeed is a very serious problem I want to make sure I give you the right advice so give me ten minutes just go outside my room it was a chair just in the hallway outside sit in the chair give me ten minutes to think of it this and then come back in anyway so out goes the big closet and he sits in the chair when the readies assistant is Shamas sees the fellas gonna excite the shamans was a little fellow comes in and he opens the door and he says to the Rebbe baby it feels the whole bananas day would you like a cup of tea I can say a cup of coffee and the Rebbe said Kim that I keep that I come here come here come here so the feel that comes in close the door closes the difference is that fellow sitting outside that closet of mine he is a very serious problem he's got a terrible temper and I want to give them the best possible advice to solve this problem of his temper but in order to do so I have to get a feel of what this temper is like so go out and provoke him go on get him to lose his temper go go go and get them to lose his temper well the Brady says they're Mesa so the little classes a little Sharma's cuz I passed the big gossip of the temper and he said nods at him cuts back and he goes into the kitchen and prepares a tree was coffee hot coffee and milk sugar cookies and he walks oats walking towards the Rebbe and he walks past the big cost he pretends to trip and spills the entire contents of the tree over the course of a temper and the cause he jumps up and goes bang bang English don't worry don't worry could happen to anybody so forget until there's a temper so maybe says getting to lose his temper so the shaman says have you stuck your great big feet out I wouldn't have top of them which he had done and of course he said you know you're quite right I do have big feet so the Shamas gathers up all the debris from the floor boots on the tree and he comes in and he says I tried that if he'd had the whole thing anyway don't worry could it done tell him to come in out goes the shamans in comes the big closet there may be sad you okay it's covered milk stains coffee stains I said that's gonna take some hand some handkerchiefs clean yourself up and you sure you're absolutely sure so after the fellow cleans himself up the Rebbe said you've come to see me because you've got a terrible temper yes yes I didn't see much evidence of that terrible temper a few moments ago when the shaman spilt the tree all over you so little smile broke out and the cloth seeds lips and he said well to tell you the truth Rebbe I overheard you telling him to provoke me into get me to lose my temper and the Rebbe said to tell you the truth I met you two over here me you've come to see me because you think you've got a problem with your temper you don't you have a problem with your basic and Luna your basic faith in God when you overheard me sing then what should happen and it happened and you understood it was me that engineered the whole thing designed all thing that I had meant it to happen you were quite okay with that because the Rebbe said so but when the rabbit of the rabi's makes things happen to you in your life and you don't get it you explode you don't have a problem with your temper you have a problem your basic faith in God interesting story huh and I think it's very very apropos the time of year that were in the worst time of year in the nine days leading up to the bitter bitter recollection of destruction of the first temple instruction of the second temple any idea how many Jews were killed at the war that ended up in the destruction of the Second Temple does anybody learn numbers according to Josephus three million that's half a Holocaust three million Jews and then of course so many other events that run through Jewish history that happened during the nine days or unteachable of like the expulsion from Spain in 1492 tseebo the expulsion from Portugal tshh evolved and of course they were only following in the European tradition established by the first European country to expel the Jews you know which country that was Scotland god forbid no Scotland would let the Jews in in the first place England England is the first country to expel the Jews and then during the Crusades the Inquisition and of course ask any speak to any historian and they will tell you the second world war was only the first world war part 2 and you know when the First World War started onions and tisha so when we come to this time and when we think of the incredible horrors of the Second World War and we think of the the present dangers faced by the majority of Jews in the world to live in the Land of Israel then when you think of Ackman and adjourns and you think of Iran and you think of their puppet Hezbollah in Lebanon Sheikh Nasser Allah who said a few years ago that he was a scientist yes and he meant it he wants all the Jews to move to Israel so they can finish us with one bomb and amend it so we think about that at this time of year it becomes very very a very important thing because you all know that the Talmud says but if you live in a generation that didn't rebuild the temple we are behaving precisely and exactly as the generation that got the temple destroyed in the first place that means we've been consistent in our complete failure to undo the mistakes that we made 2,000 years ago for 2,000 years it's very difficult to know what the source of the problem is ask the closet this guy fixes the problem is tampered no he doesn't he's got problem with his Amana we seem to have had a problem I mean in fact Robert Destler famously says a person can go through this is a scary thought a person could go through his or her entire life and not know who or what they truly are unless something very very dramatic happens to them and they managed to get a glimpse of who and what they are does a story about a famous rabbi called ramchandra Braun did you ever come across from Shan Shan drunk Rachelle Rajan he was the rebbe of for a pace of crona's he confined this record him in his works I've had two versions of the story they're interchangeable so this is the one I heard Reb rich Alfred Romney was one of these rabbis who travels all around the world speaking huge Tom McLaughlin big white beard and at the end of his life he was renowned he's walking down the street in New Rochelle I'm in the Cherie hazard area of you - lime and there was an old Jewish grandmother ababa standing outside her apartment and saw the great Sadek coming down and so as he got near her she nodded modestly demure lates mystically in his direction he noted back demure me in heart direction and at the end of the street there was a bunch of little boys doing what little boys do best dangerous stuff and they were walking along a wall as that was a tight rope and one little boys lost his balance I don't hit the sidewalk with quite a bang and the barber saw that it was her grandson and she said and she started to run as fast as she could and I'm sure him said dying and there's no water it solves I'm good it'll be finally fine as she got towards the little boy she discovered that her old eyes have deceived her it wasn't her grandson at all it was his grandson and she said is least minor in eco it's done in and I've shown that and he started what happened dissolves I'm good Gamzee LaFave oh that's yeah that's what you think you think that's how you see yourself until you find yourself in circumstances and then you suddenly discover that maybe what you think about yourself or the person that you are is incorrect and you didn't get it completely wrong like the story of because that I told you who thought his problem exist was this tampered no it wasn't and here we have been for 2,000 years in this bloody exile and I'm sure every single person here that's come across and maybe has alone and family Holocaust survivors I just had a new baby granddaughter born in in Israel Mexico I just called her lola rose after her wife's grandmother who was an OSHA survivor found deeply deeply moving to have a grand daughter who is a direct descendant of somebody who survived Auschwitz and is named after them I mean it still touches our lives really opponent Lee I hope and this is something we've simply failed to address properly for 2,000 years I mean you can go through your whole life and not know who what you really are I like 70 years 8 years whatever is these days 90 years even and not know who and what you really are and we have gone through 2,000 years two millennia two millennia and not know who and what we are because we have not managed to get it right we're still here at the Morrises if you still get t-shirt off in your calendar then you're behaving exactly like the people we're behaving sorry I'm talking about myself we are behaving exactly than the people who go to destroy it in the first place it's interesting and we want to really talk about speech and as the Rob mentioned before the idea of schmear solution it's interesting from the how God defines a human being according to the target anyway you all know that share makes a fairly cold atom and then the posit says and this is embrasures in this base and post design the Yates are share Malachy mr. Oldham all from Enid ah we made him from the bust of the earth but you up of mishmash and he pulls into into his mouth knishmas time an issuance cam how do we translate that a spirit of life a soul something like that let me read sorry gonna say Olivia you wanna see a living soul targum onkelos the classic commentator even before Rashi every commissioned uncle isn't Rashi but uncle is targum uncle Ursula's was an interesting fellow nephew of of the Emperor Hadrian the Roman Emperor Hadrian rabid anti-semite and his nephew became a Jew he was embarrassed anyway so what does he say targum uncle says he says the hyatt the niche mr. hyde puts into a living over your translational sole living so i had a column Laroy mamala law not men but this this creature that hashem had created was defined by the fact he speaks the thing that makes us unique over anything else a sham created any other creature we speak speech totally and utterly defines us positive speech defines us positive and the hobbits kind says and the introduction to his safer while we tell me more of it is in just a second to say Furcal this time he says that the Exile was caused because of Simas kinam jew-hating juror for no reason because of lotion or because we spoke badly speech is what we are that's what defines us do it well think of words of comfort that you give somebody when we go to a Sheba and somebody's heart is what does it say what's the halacha you go to visit somebody in the Shiva what you're supposed to do keep quiet don't speak because at that moment in time the person might be in such pain that you might say the wrong things I wrote a book one of my books at Southside called the little book for big worries dealing with serious illness this book Baraka shame has helped thousands of people and I just reminded myself and that's why I brought a couple here tonight that I wrote when I wrote the book it's it's it's a it's a book written for people who are looking after people who are not well because they want to do that that job properly and not see the wrong things and I just remind myself the two of the chapters in this book that's helped thousands of people address how to speak the right words can heal somebody and make them better the wrong words can kill them speech is so crucial that if we use those this gift that we've been given this definition of who we are properly then it can heal but if we use it badly so words of comfort a word of sympathy a word of laughter sometimes the more talks about people two brothers who go to go to heaven because they made people laugh when they were depressed that could be the most wonderful thing words of encouragement words if you can do this I believe it what's the first words that are supposed to pass your month when you wake up in the morning more dear me how does it go Marya needle phonetic America Harvick I am I give thanks to your sham Jacques at the finish Marty you've given me my soul back again but hemlock Betty Rubble Amy no sir Bravo MMR Sara great is your faith great is your faith scratch my head sorry am I not supposed to faith in you who do you faith in it's containing you the first words Hashem wants you to see to pass your lips to hear yourself saying when you wake up in the morning is i Hashem is Bora who made you who knows you better than anybody else I've faith in you and people might have told you through your life that you're no good you're a failure you're a waste of space I've many teachers who told me I was a waste of space you're a waste of space right and that really can be incredibly destructive or a shame is bara can use words and think use your words to tell you now Hashem who knows you best he's good faith in you we can use words to build we can use words to destroy words are crucial to who and what we are in fact this is something the wisest man who ever lived he lived in a town called Jerusalem a wild Bank you probably remember him hemella and then he called Misha Lee proverbs they st. translated English and here is in chapter chapter 18 and it says there and cough Aleph movas bhai and be a dilution while there are life or death it's all depending how you say the words depends on your tongue you're gonna use a positively you're gonna use it negatively we're extremely sensitive to speech engine is extremely sensitive Rob I Dessler and his famous mix them in yahoo has got a little SC in page 220 in volume 4 and here it's called Edina Sadie bore a denote Adeeb or any Israelis hear anybody go to Hebrew was a de Newt refinement of speech final speech what does it mean he says Robert Nesta says I'm not talking here about refinement of speech doesn't mean that you should never use cuss words of swear words of course but he tells a story here about the Gomorrah the Gomorrah I'm sulking it talks about two famous students who were sitting in front of one of the greatest rabbis in history but up until all the details and we're talking about something talking about matters of ritual purity a one of them said used the word when he was discussing with his rabbi Tommy Tommy means what impure anonymous said talking about the same subject he didn't say the word Tommy said any Taher was in a charming but one of them used the expression not pure the almond scent impure impure conjures up nasty images but no puree it sounds like softens the blow is I'm sure this person's going to go on to be one of the great rabbis and in the Jewish people and so it was there's a refinement of speech the Jews are expected to have because words can build or words can destroy and the conference time said it destroyed at least one temple Second Temple but was seen as scheming loves Jews hating in fact the rabbi's at the time of the first temple they were fighting with each other and besmirch against others reputations this is something which we have struggled with for a very very long time but certainly if you just want to count the second base of meekness and this bloody horrible exile and the rivers of blood the lakes of blood and Jewish tears and the Seas of Jewish ears that have been imposed on us then 2,000 years and we have failed yeah this is something called bushland of all but did you come across trip some of all boats all in your studies reform of all but was one of the greatest was what was one of my ambitions to hear a cheer from him I had Shabbos with his son in Los Angeles just two weeks ago and I told him funnily enough he came with the son with his grandson and they were staying the visiting the house I was staying and and they didn't know who I was and so my whole said this is rabbi Rubenstein and he speaks all over the place even if they don't invite me don't speak no I'm gonna speak anyway so he speaks all over the place and so tell us a DVAR Torah on the cedra he said no I said I'll tell you something I just saw what I'm going to tell you later as well in remove all but I can no mr. Obama's son I know his from Psalm evolvers grandson and they 100 jumping up and down one of my one of the greatest minds was one of my ambitions to actually hear a sheer but they're far much I never managed anything I want to read to you something he says in a safer called memoriam a wrote say listen to this Hebraic cooler little headers and the Rebekah's the entire creation the entire world is a very exact and precise creation killer a vehicle Okolona and it's so precise and so perfect because of course it had one designer to meet every single aspect of it the colony of Rome crow Gonzales and everybody in this creation we all connected to one another you know the old joke in Yiddish if to Jews meet each other for the first time and after three minutes they find that they're not related it simply means they haven't been talking long enough every Jew is connected one to the other mishpocha Arcos Gazzola we are everything here is not talking to us on all human beings we're all one big family Lana we penny autumn human beings creaver Ella Diamond we have a connection to every aspect of the world in the world of the creation we're connected to the inanimate are we not we believe our bodies originate from dust and soil that's inanimate so there's a connection there charlie offer inoculum create violence a milk we are connected to that which grows from the earth we grow our fingernails grow our hair grows Oh play our waste lines don't grow so much but you get the idea Keegan bond a poem called it's me we also grow grievously by the time our connection to living animals that's much more astute the lettuce idea that's much more obvious have you ever seen somebody who has a dog dog at home what happens when they come home to after the day at work and the dog smells or here isn't coming the dog goes do you know the do you know the phrase bonkers bonkers the masters coming up the dog watches it's in a sir there's my impersonation of dog tongue it is this tails wagging like crazy it jumps up and down the master or the mistress loves the dog the dog loves that we feel we feel a kasher to to animals and to dogs prima sign of the blood libel necessary yessir paints our climate Riva Albania almost like cousins in the shining and obviously the connection between different peoples different nationalities we're all still human beings cells perform upon how almost attica's but in the ancient world sana s AG air a balmy air look like a bit but in the ancient world to be a foreigner was a death sentence in ancient Greece there was I think was over 200 of her member city-states Sparta and Athens and and all the rest Corinth and so on and so forth they all look the same they're all the same genetic stock the same racial type they all spoke Greek and yet if you were a Spartan you went into Athens or vice versa they would kill you the difference was minut but enough of a difference to be killed she in law Tokyo of Akkad La Colonia because they didn't have the perspective that we have that there is one father for every human being on the planet one designer of us all about cloud the strong but if that is true the general in general for human beings have you ever gone to Israel and you walked down that big pathway when you come off the plane at Lourdes and then as a sign that says for Israeli passports and I said czarina right sorry what does our mean yes strange bit sinister I'm a bit sinister okay she gained a law your turkey out of a funnel Okolona the reason that they behave like that in the ancient world in Greece and other places is because this keeps falling off thank you so much I'm just going to pop it in there because it hates me so the reason that they did that is because they didn't realize that there is one father for all of us of a cloud Easter all your turkey in Zoran boil we didn't know there's no such thing as a foursome whose truly strange from the Cibola Havasu care and we're all we're obliged to love a foreigner in fact there is no myths in the terror which is repeated as often as loving the Florida many times it tells not to kill people couple of times many times it tell you to love the gear 38 or 48 says the Talmud the debate that's huge because you were Guerin you know what that was like Yosef is very says but much more than that he quotes a Gomorrah Monaco's I'm going to read to you this Gomorrah just to prove that I'm a fully qualified rabbi your value deeds when you did Along Came if somebody was beloved tube is the son of somebody who was beloved okay even though you did and any this fellow created a beloved place lady for a beloved person the schalke she ended in a place to belong to a beloved person sons love forgotten the mistress customer here we ask a pro-ball you need him and people who are beloved could be forgiven for what they did wrong in this place good the deeply indeed the person who built the place was hemella so where was the place the temple and he was the son I'll be another you did that was al from a venom and the place that was the you did that was the temple and it was in the place belonging so you did that was in the tribe of Benjamin he was also referred to in in the in the Bible as a you deed as a beloved person and it would be that the Atheneum the beloved people are as Jewish people would be able to find a tournament there interesting Gomorrah says Ursula Vova it's telling you the basic nature of Jewish people is we are all interconnected we're all family it doesn't really take three minutes because the nature of Jewish people we're all one and they saw us at that so if our basic nature is we're all one there was a bit of me in you a bit of you and me call me Sarah Evans ellezi says it says the poset we're all one flesh but my soul in your soul of me how did we each other so badly when this bayesian armies marched from the north which is where they landed and after two year campaign in the north move to conquer Jerusalem their spy says don't bother you don't have to attack goddess sacrifice any Roman lives the Jews are busy slaughtering each other there was a civil war going on inside your salon why expand Roman limes let the Jews kill each other Jews hated each other but such a vengeance and such a passion they're busy slaughtering each other now leaving your mother-in-law's site have you ever disliked anybody in your image in a Jewish family yeah okay well I mean Marjorie family's okay but have you ever hated a Jews so much you wanted to kill him or her no absolutely not but we did then and he says it's the basic nature a place of a beloved son who created who was a suburb all of the Sun so that beloved people could beloved there's a beloved it was the hating we hated each other and listen to this this is so scary he quotes the eben Ezra and he says the following thing what's the Hebrew word for cruelty do you know what's a good ox ox ox or so somebody call the even Ezra says the board Alcazar splits up it means olive coffee czar I will see you as being foreign in order to hate you I have to reverse the process instead of looking at you as my family as my people I've got to let you look upon you as being alien to me different to me foreign to me has anybody ever heard of something called Franz Stangl France tangle bore ocassion branch tangle was the Commandant of Treblinka natural incre was a death camp OSHA's we know oceans was but I was just wasn't just a death camp Auschwitz had production going on there there was a salt mine just outside OSHA's Jews for me to work as slaves in the salt mines then there was the armaments factory inside Oh shush Jews who meets me a produced I munitions for for the Germans well forced to I should say and of course it was the the extermination of the Jews happening at the same time when the Allies were told and plans were were smuggled out and what was happening with precise timetables of the railway trains arriving with Jews the allies that the Americans the British and the Russians were given all the information and did not do what they were requested to do by the Jewish resistance bomb oh when what the reply okay there was no reply at all from the Russians the Americans replied at the time that that area of the war was under controlled in the British and the RAF which could have easily bombed Auschwitz there the RAF defied the only time during the Second World War defied Churchill's order we gave an order to bomb measures and they refused and the reply in writing was we're conducting the war only strategic and not on a humanitarian basis but when they heard that there was an ominous factory on the RAF the Royal Air Force flew across and the brilliant position destroyed the armaments factories leaving the gas chambers the crematoria and the railway lines perfectly intact Franz Stangl was captured by the Americans after the Second World War and at I've read this at the the interview or rather be the examination of this fiend one of the fellows the Americans who is I mean you got him we all know woman on but this was nervous they couldn't understand American soldiers couldn't understand the incredible cruelty and they asked him as everybody there was going to be killed anyway there was nothing that went on and tripling except killing Jews but Jews were meant more me to do back-breaking work bricks stones dig hole just terrible they were starved they were reduced to looking like walking skeletons they permission to use the latrines almost hardly any latrines anywhere was often refused Jews became covered in own urine and their own feces they looked repulsive they stank and they look like scarecrows so they asked him well this was your your tactic yes yes but they were going to be killed why did you do that anyway why this extra torture why not just kill them and this is what Franz Stangl replied to condition those who had to carry out the policy to make it possible for them to do what they had to do yeah to condition those who had to carry out the policy to make it possible for them to do what they had to do even one of the most evil people in the history of humanity had to admit for a Nazi to kill a Jew he had to stop seeing the Jew as being a human being ah cos our cruelty applies when I no longer see you as being me I see you as being somebody different somebody foreign and somebody alien to me it's a strange revolver I just found this the other the other week and I am in another one if it's for him like for was so exciting we argue and we believe passionately their language lotion of Kurdish holy language a language of the Torah is unique it's the language Adam spoke in the Garden of Eden as the language of the whole of humanity spoke before the Tower of Babel and we still have it and it's unique all other languages are an agreement to call things by certain sounds but Hebrew the name that we give to it is the nature of the thing for example if I wrote in the board here w80 wate are and underneath that I wrote h2o what have I written water twice the difference is that water wate R is an agreement amongst people who speak English that that's what we'll call that stuff and if you are Russian you call a brother and if you are Italian a Spanish Tagalog WA and if you're French call at law and if you have any call at Vassar and in color if you like we'll all agree to call it bubbling goop it's called bleep up right but h2o is what it is Lawson al qaeda's he brewed the nature of the thing is contained in the words and if you know how to bring that up the nature is revealed to you interesting so amazing to think that the cruelty of the Nazis is only going to flow from seeing somebody is being different and there's another word in Hebrew that literally clinches the uniqueness of the language of some of Oba says there's a word in Hebrew which you're all familiar with which is unique in any other language the work to life we have a whiskey or wine not during nine days and you lift up you can have a whiskey during the night as well I'm Utica don't you see look hi why don't we say look hi why don't we say behind why is look I'm was time in the plural and on the singular every other weren't language and English called life talk of lives right why is it in the plural because from a Jewish point of view from a Tyra point of view a life's only life if it's shared with others if it's family if it's community if it's the shul if it's cloud is strong not where you didn't they were all together not wonderful idea what incredible and how did we lose that so six years ago at this time of year I was invited a very great honor to speak to I think my largest think my largest audience live audience when I speak in BBC radio it's can be 16 million or 60 million or if it's BBC World Service minimum audience 156 million people slightly larger than the audience here tonight mr. just slightly just like that but it's interesting that my largest audience was six years ago or seven years ago in New Rochelle I'm there's a big hole big a concert hall called been yoneyama you familiar with us and all the classical concerts are played there the rock concerts are played there if we get any rock stars to play there because apartheid state isn't it etc etc anyway they have during the nine days shearing on schmira solution on being careful how you speak avoiding speaking negatively washing her if I remember rightly they gets nine thousand women who attend to shear him in Hebrew and five thousand women came to hear my shear when I spoke there as well and I stood up there and the row of made a joke before but natural fiber amethyst yours made they made the same joke I don't know if you know a few years before you and when he said that we would have to admit this was a bit controversial we'd have to admit for all the work that's been put in to the midst of not speaking loshon hora we'd have to admit the project has been a failure so he said do you think maybe we could manage not to speak loshon hora in the morning doing he could manage the morning how about a couple of hours in the morning did you think it it was obviously tongue-in-cheek but it's not so controversial because as we said at the beginning of the talk that if you live in a generation that didn't see the temple rebuilt you're behaving precisely as a generation that got destroyed in the first place so need for all the water has been put into into schmira solution it's been a failure and all becomes crimes work and then the Manchester she was exactly broker and I was privileged to be very close to and carrying all the missions know what so when I spoke there I quoted this and I said and I want to make a suggestion as to why for the last 2,000 years it hasn't worked because you see if you're talking about loss and horror and speaking a lot of horror and you're dealing with loss and horror and they were ready here and I can hear and see in the show that that's something you take seriously frankly you've got it the wrong way around what rapport isn't up isn't the problem what should or is a symptom of the problem the problems Jews hating each other if you don't hate each other he does be loved I'll give you an example hoo-hoo you guaranteed never to get anybody to speak loshon hora but your children or want to hear loss and about your children when I was in a Shiva called Gateshead I don't have have you heard of gates and gates said is the what gate said is - what link would the apparently our liquid is to America gates it is to Europe in fact gates said we think liquid is reformed I cracked that joke a link with two years ago and I've not been invited back sensing always not big secrets but but basically I went to I I wasn't and getting and gates it for seven years and in Kabul for another three years and then I moved back to Manchester which is where I was before we moved here eight years ago and I was teaching in a yeshiva I was sick she gonna be a cough girls school and the evening I was working in university campuses reaching out to university students which became the formula of my life more or less and when I walked into the the basic of school there there was so many faces I could recognize because I knew the parents because I'd lived in Manchester ten years before anyway I was teaching there every morning teaching Hebrew studies and well I'm sure its exact same here after the end of the year it comes to the end of the Year examination and then after the examination what comes next is writing the end of year report cards now there is an art form in writing report cards are you aware of this easy you have to not write the truth you have to imply suddenly the truth but not actually write the truth but you see I had studied education at Glasgow University and I was a young man and quite full of myself and I did not believe in this I'd studied Piaget the Swiss educational psychologist I believed in the incredible benefits of telling the parents the truth you know how it goes you know sort of like sometimes misbehaves in class set fire to the classroom could have tried harder this year did no work meantime yeah no I did not believe in this if the girl had not worked if it has done no what are you if it all consistently must be the other older and wiser teachers tried to warn me but I was so full of myself I was not listening to them after all I started education and then after you send off the report cards a week later what happens it's the meet the teachers and meet the parents evening and there I was in the gymnasium little chair little desk with my name rabbi by Rubenstein and all the teachers all round about so they could all come and speak to the teacher about the progress of the child and I have to tell me how incredibly proud I was of the fact that almost every set of parents and wanted to speak to me I look to the other pit the other teachers pitying their eye man the first couple sat in front of me they were not smiling and then the the father of the girl went across the table until his nose was separated from my nose by about a sixteenth of an inch and then he said so what have you got against my daughter then why do you hate her so much and he looked as though he was going to punch me he was going to punch me and he wasn't the only one that night and I remember coming home and I said to my late wife Alicia I cannot believe this are these people crazy are they off their heads they want me to lie about their daughters their children this was of course before I started having report cards brought home by my own children if any teacher had the audacity to suggested something mom of any of my children it was obviously an indication that the person was mentally challenged or an anti-semite or a mentally challenged anti-semite but there's nothing but there's nothing wrong with my son or daughter because nobody wants to hear loshon hora about their children because we love our children and he's that they're going to speak loshon hora idiot child did something wrong you're gonna tell anybody else because it's your child Washington is not a problem it's a symptom of a problem and if only we get to the understanding that we're all family and are able to work on the fact that really there is a bit of you in me and a bit of me in you that call you stroll a ratings are looser then loshon hora will simply disappear of course you got to deal with the symptoms of somebody's got a fever and rushes into hospital of course I got to get the fever done because the fever can kill you but the job of the doctor after that is to try and find out what's causing the fever it's no illusion hora causing cell flashcards a symptom that's because we don't love each other enough it's because we forgot that were you dealing and we're all connected one to the other and really we are all family that's the problem that's what we really have to work on and have to tell you something else now I wrote about this in Hama dear I've got a column three times a month on her Medea I thought I was going to be really in trouble over this before I tear that I've got to tell you something else yes it's been 2,000 years and for 2,000 years we have been unable to conquer this one so does that mean that if there is no solution listen to this here is something you know this theme why does a baby cry when a baby's born do you know this why is it may be from a Kabbalistic from a mystical point of view why does a baby cry leaving aside a midwife's spanked it's in order to clear the lungs and have the little baby why does the baby why do we cry when we hear no there were the angels and the harps no that's them however this is an astonishing thing listen to this this is from something called a being of a client and minim kaya says he colony from colony briquette server is so named listen that's quite the opposite moment what I've always understood every single one of us was created by our agreement and our enthusiasm to come here why because only by being here do you generate the change that's necessary within you to be able to stay there permanently and return it's an irony of course we crime and we're here because we don't want to be here but of course at the other end of the scale we cry because we don't want to leave and goodbye but an irony there however says remain above higher accomplish Baraka listen to this he said from the very outset he shows you everything that's going to happen to you in your life where are you going to be born who your parents are gonna be who your siblings are gonna be your mother-in-law is gonna be all the things in your life that you would ever face you're gonna see it what are you rich she says whether you become poor will you be healthy whether you're not you were shown that before you came here and somebody called the romani panel here's a 15th century Italian a Kabbalist he says an even more interesting idea before you were brought here hashem took each and every one of us into the room it's a bit like going into a men's store or a lady store that's full of garments and all the dresses are all the the pants and the suits are on rails and you look through it and you chose the one that you felt sir to do best this is amazing you chose this life you chose to be here you've chose to come here if you were going to fail even have chosen to be in this world in that family without the background and all the difficult times that we all face if you had not been able to succeed cloudy fall in this generation that's you and me would not have chosen to come here at this time had we not been able to succeed in the task that Shem says and that means beefing the trouble the problem of not loving each other enough to make sure that automatically washing hair it doesn't become a problem and when I wrote to me how my dear two weeks ago I thought it was going to be a huge explosion from this because you know when is it very difficult not to speak loshon hora it's somebody offends e and somebody upsets you then it's very difficult not to speak loshon Hara is it not you want it's bursting there's there you want to tell somebody you feel it swelling up and you're like a balloon and yeah and that's when it's very difficult yeah so I've been working I was working in this and thinking about this a lot so I want to tell you I have the solution this is a very revolutionary shear the next time that happens to you and you can't you feel you can't control yourself and you just got to tell somebody what somebody did to you et cetera go ahead but make sure the person you're telling is a shim tell God he knows anyway you're not telling him anything new but if we really have a relationship with God like not course if you really believe in God if you really believe he's your patter he's your Alba he's your daddy inch of mine Alvie know Malkina you really believe that what else would you tell because like here's the trick this is why this is a good stick this is you know the the the the classic Muslims flooring the epital something you're sitting in a Shiva and you're learning a black tomorrow and you're really enjoying it and maybe you think of a question and gosh ptosis on the side so you want to reinsert only floating in front of your eyes is a cup of coffee with steam coming off it and you can almost smell it the Sultan wants to disrupt you and want you to go into the coffee what are you not supposed to do you're not supposed to say no he'll beat you he's very clever in fact the rabbi say he's a Melek milk in an ancient and brilliant King was a great tactician but he also is a fool he's Ixia he falls for his own nonsense so what you supposed to say that is you know you're right I'm gonna back up and cough going to go and have a cup of coffee been half an hour half an hour I'm gonna have a cup of coffee and the strangest thing is you can try this that's true interesting is he will leave you alone for half an hour and more accurately than the most accurate Swiss watch 30 minutes later got the coffee's back right and he might be able to push him off for another 10 minutes but going up the cup of coffee Byul and for 30 minutes you don't miss for it for you managed it on the men submit for it you bunked off and have a cup of coffee I've tried this the strange thing is when you're really upset and somebody's done something and you're bursting to tell somebody and you do turn around and tell him you don't feel the need to tell anybody else you've done it see he's an angel he's just he's programmed he's an all these computers these days and algorithm algorithm algorithm algorithm he's got to check some boxes did you get into speak loshon hora yep good done baby store - em look obviously I'm actually says this actually says this believe it or not I was very interested it's in 1238 chapter 10 and its halacha 13 there's a lot go there and he says that if you're very upset it's possible in telling one Rolf why you're upset it's therapeutic wash and ahora is when you're telling somebody something for no positive reason something negative that somebody has done and something negative about something for no positive reason but if you were to go on to do get the partnership with somebody and I had to know that the guy was a thief but me telling you don't go into partnership that's not lost heart because it's got positive reason if you're really really upset he says F sure possibly there's no Easter of launching hard to go and tell them off your wealth I'm upset about this if you gonna tell all the way born in Long Island just you're just having fun but you know and somebody called revelry a chef he probably a chef is quarter there on that covers crime is sing and if a wife stops and she comes home to tell their husband why she's upset don't you be a firmer no no it's your wife you've got duty to listen to her because it's law Taylor's it's therapeutic now some people argue with us problematic elastically but it's not when you're telling God if you tell a sham that's okay so I published us waiting for all the five of zillion rabbis who reads ma any Ahmadiyya to attack not one I had incidentally check this out with a caseta Arabian friendly with the two biggest Rosh Yeshiva in Europe from guru boots a mocha not fuller the two largest achievers in Europe I checked out with of it eight or ten Rabbani big report him in New York and that's rightly licensed America who else had asked and two day on him so I protected myself is this good so next time you want to speak loshon hora go ahead tell God and it's it just relieves you of the need to tell anybody else is he one trying to says like this if we take the two thousand field year seriously if we take the five that we wouldn't be sent here unless we could succeed and not feel seriously that means we can do this there's a way to do this but it's not just coming to here as year something got declined Friedlander on a Rob my bestest greatest on medium said you can hear the most exciting ideas you've ever heard in your life and go with it wow that's fantastic but unless you turn it into reality straight away unless you act on it straight away the inspiration the excitement will soon be gone and you'll forget what resolved above so how about saying that the Holocaust still is alive and the suffering of the Jewish people still goes on anybody who'd parents went through the Holocaust that was quite an upbringing and their children will also be imposed it read resonates through the through the generations to our generation as well so as this is real to us us as challenges real why not take on to do something serious about it no I'm in the middle of the nine days something see this how about the following I get time to tell you this yes now I've tried this is another one of my this works or why you imagine but you have fallen out with somebody it could be an old friend that you don't talk to anymore it could be a family member that you don't talk to anymore god forbid it could be a parent or a child that you don't talk to anymore this is what I would like to invite you to do I've tried this in the works I've done it myself go from here after we double Marv go outside and then go home buy a copy of my book moments and and then form that person who used to be a friend or used to be somebody and your family you spoke to and say the following they listen very carefully because you've got to get it exactly right or it doesn't work you've got a tournament and poornam and say hello David it's me no please don't hang up the phone I just want you to know that I've been thinking about the fact that we haven't spoken together for the last ten years and why it happened and I want you to know that I've been thinking about it and it was 100% my fault no I know it wasn't 100% your fault and there's a honey percent your fault you should have phoned them long long ago and mostly when it comes to fight there's a bit of wrong in both sides anyway but you're going to say to the fellow it was 100% my fault and I'd like to come and apologize in person now here's my prediction my prediction is about the time you arrive at their home and when they open the door they're gonna say to you it wasn't hard to present your fault there's my fault too and you might find that you've recovered a brother a sister God for a bit of parent or a child a cousin are an old friend you've got to get exactly right now I have to tell you the truth I can't give you a hundred percent guarantee in fact I said this once this year in Manchester in England and young keeper and a fella phoned me up a week later and a Manchester accent and older fileted is a drought our rubenstein he said in a Manchester accent that's it yes I'm furious with you he said it's a potent he said I'm furious with you I said well he said I was unsure that Yom Kippur as it is how do you say that you should fall not somebody falling out with us yes so I forgot my brother had spoken to him for 15 years yes and I said to him I want you to know it was 100% my fault and he said yeah that's dry and it slammed on the phone so I can't promise you a hundred percent but I have to tell you every time I've said this people have formed me up afterwards last time was in Washington DC for people it was neon pepper I said this for people for me up within the next few days to say I'm speaking to my sister again after 10 years well some of these fiends a brother after 15 years and I can't remember the other details it's showing a shame that we're taking a seriously that we're trying to build bridges reconnect if the guy doesn't on the phone that you try you've tried to act on this because really we are all fur really we have failed for 2,000 years we don't have to carry on failing we wouldn't be here we're enough chores in this place unless we could have succeed the gomorrah says God doesn't mess you about in a molten bubble trinium droughts and it says God doesn't give you a test it's too difficult but maybe we've been dealing with the symptom rather than the cause the cause is loving each other that's what we have to work on to make sure this is the very last teachable of that we'll be having here instead of all together in Yerushalayim Jeremy ben-ami [Music]