Rabbi YY Jacobson - The Holiness of Your Sins

[Music] the title of the my topic today is quite a curious one I would say the Holiness of your sins now that doesn't sound very uh very good very holy that sounds pretty sinful the Holiness of your sins what makes a sin holy and if it's holy it's not really a sin it's a Mitzvah but the truth is and this is really what we want to explore today that uh sins do have a Holiness all their own and yum Kipper contains some of that idea now when you read the the textbooks of yam Kipper it would seem very strange because all of yum Kipper we atone we ask forgiveness we we say I sinned forgive me wash away my sins remove the stains of my sins etc etc let's explore this a little bit on a deeper level let me begin with one curious fascinating anomaly that we observe on Yumi that is all confessions are plural we never confess in the individual we say a knew but God knew Gaz knew knew now between person and person we would not really be enthusiastic about somebody who confesses in a language that relates to the collective rather than the individual imagine somebody insulted you or somebody denigrated you somebody backstabbed you somebody did something unjust to you and they want to apologize and they come to you and they say we have sinned we have stolen we have betrayed you oh get out of my house who's we I take accountability it's enough that you did it don't start blaming the collective I and yet not once in the Yer Confections do we speak about I we why second the confession in most Jewish communities are done with a song and a very dramatic song you go to most synagogues in Kipper and this is what you'll hear now just do this in the English okay I come to your house I want to apologize cuz I hurt you and this is what I do I backstabbed you I slandered you I defamed you I stole from you well that we dealt with I betrayed you or we even better right we backstabbed you we robbed you blindly we made you lose your job by we lied to you get out of my house what is this a Broadway musical you want to go to a musical go to a musical what does a confession have with a musical a confession is a confession you don't do it with a sing song you say I'm sorry I apologize what's this whole song and then by the again everybody together it doesn't seem to reflect the nature of what we're doing so let's put this uh in our minds so let's store this away in our minds for a moment we'll get back to it I want to change the subject not completely but but a little bit the Torah in The Book of Leviticus the portion of EMR discusses the various holidays when it comes to the holiday of sukot which comes right after yum Kipper the Torah says that it happens on the 15th day of the seventh month the 15th day of the month of Tish Tish is the seventh month when we start counting with Nissan so you have niss ear s Etc Tish is the 7th the 15th day is the way the Torah describes it at one point is on the first day of on the first day you should take the four species the Citron and the lulov the fr the the branch of the palm tree and The Willow and the Myrtle branch and you shake them asks the mid why does the Torah suddenly refer here to sukot the first day it's not the first day of the month it's the 15th day of the month it seems very strange to call the 15th day the first day and you have to figure out that you're not talking about talking about so the mid answers three words it's called the first day because it's it's the first day for calculation of sins that's why the Torah calls sukus the first day what is it a first day of it's not the first day of the month it's middle of the month the first day that we calculate sins so the commentators say what does this mean why do we calculate sins that day so the commentators to the mid say something very perplexing on yum Kipper all sins are atoned you come out of yum Ki you have a clean slate the four days between Yumer and sukot people are usually overly busy you have to build a Suka you have to buy a lul of Anri you have to cook you have to prepare it's a stressful time people are very busy so they don't have time to sin when people are busy they usually don't have time to sin when is the first opportunity for Jews to start sinning so the commentators say when is it the first day of sukus when the holiday comes people are more relaxed they come into the Suka the first night you sit down you do some juicy gossip some juicy slandering or whatever other interesting conversations you have in your Suka that's why it's called it's the first day for the calculation of sins because yipper the sins are absolved after yamer people are busy when is the first night and day the Jews start sinning the first day of sukus this interpretation even though it's classical bothered very much how can we say that the Torah refers to sukus as the first day of sins such a pessimistic view of people is it not possible that some Jews will come into the Suka and they won't sin some Jews will come into the Suka and they'll speak words of Torah words of love words of inspiration they'll sing Melodies do we have to be so uh negative and believe that every Jew or many Jews start sinning on the first day of sukus and the Torah could not find a better name for the first day of sukus then the first day because it's the first day of sins there's plenty of Jews who don't on the first day of suus very strange statement of the med so who was one of the great spiritual masters of the late 1700s early 1800s the rabbi of bichev which is a city in the Ukraine he has a book called kadas Ley the Holiness of Ley his name was LE and he gives there a phenomenal extraordinary interpretation which really explores the Holiness of our sins but first i'm going to change the subject again on R Jews have a tradition to go to the water it's called Tash Tash means to Cast Away it's based on a verse in M the prophet says you should throw away into the waves of the ocean all their sins so we go to the ocean or to the beach in Miami or to the bay or to a stream or a lake or a river or a pond and we symbolically cast our sins into the water what does that mean how do you throw sins into water if it was only as easy as that but that's what we all do we throw our sins into the water symbolically and this is already a universal custom even Jews and temples that consider themselves to be very Progressive and very modern Tash has become a very sacred tradition people go to the water and they do what they do by the water okay we go once more to the water when do we go again to the water not today's days but in Temple days they would go to the water on sukus on sukus you may know there was a ceremony known as simhat baa which means the joy of drawing water sha in Hebrew means to draw the prophet says draw water with joy on every single morning there would be a procession that would go down from the Holy Temple to the shiloah spring shilu spring which you could still visit in the old city of Jerusalem you went to the shil spring and they would draw water into a flask bring it back they would go back up to the Temple mount the priest would go up to the Altar and pour the water on the altar around the time of sunrise every morning of sukot and the whole night before they did this they would dance in the temple Courtyard it was known as Sim B The Joy associated with drawing the water the point that the talmud says that me somebody who did not see the joy of the drawing of the water did not see joy in their life and I want to ask you a question why is that such an exciting thing to do you take water you fill it up you fill up a cup with water from the spring you bring it to the Altar and you pour the water okay seems a little strange but fine it's a Mitzvah another Mitzvah what's the joy why did they dance all night what was the dancing all night for this Mitzvah called pouring the water in fact a whole year they would pour every day wine on the altar every day there was no dancing now between wine and water what gets people more excited we all know for the wine there was no dancing for the water which was once a year on the holiday of sukot they were dancing and dancing a whole night the sages said they didn't go to sleep on suas they would sleep they would snooze on the shoulders of the people in front of them as they were dancing whoever didn't see that Joy never saw Joy what was so exciting draw water with joy every morning of sukus so you go to the water sukus they went to the water but suas they danced now it's interesting that today we don't go to the water on sukot unless it starts raining and then you have a lot of water in you Su so I guess you go to the water on some level but then there was this whole procession it was one of the special services done in the temple the seduces disagreed because it doesn't say clearly in the Torah this is part of the oral tradition the Torah says to pour wine every day but it doesn't say to pour water on sukot this is it's an oral tradition and the during the second temple which disagreed of with the oral tradition followed only the text the way they understood it didn't like this Mitzvah to the point that Alexander Janus Alexander y was one of the Kash Kings it was also a high priest and when it came his time to pour the water on the altar the mishna says in Suka he poured it on his legs and he got pelted with a what do Jews do on sukus if they don't like you they Pelt you with their citrons they pelted Alexander Yan with esim and this was their response to him pouring the water on his feet rather than on the altar cuz he didn't believe in this Mitzvah which pre was preceded by dancing all night how do we make sense of all of these items so you remember the structure of this class cuz I don't okay I do we started off with u remember what we started off with aamu the collective rather than the individual then we discussed the Broadway musical which is inappropriate for confession then from there we went to the concept of calling sukus the first day of sin very strange from there we went to discuss the phenomenon of going to the water on Rashana going to the water on sukot but on sukot it was preceded by dancing and celebration and music it was huge huge concerts I don't know call it keros probably a whole night of suas they would Dance All Night the greatest of the sages would juggle they would juggle and they had candelabras that would light up the whole Jerusalem it was an amazing the greatest nights of Celebration throughout the Jewish calendar with the nights of sukus until today in Jewish communities around the world we have remnants of this people dance and sing and celebrate in the streets or in the sukka some communities they have all dancing hours of the night and uh and it's a very Lively time in the Jewish heart and in the Jewish World in Israel and in the diaspora and most communities and it's all originated in that tradition of the joy associated with pouring of water and the answer to all all of this the the understanding what is behind all of these enigmatic nuances in Jewish tradition it all has to do with the Holiness of sin with the Holiness of sin so if you want to understand the structure of Jewish holidays you really have to understand the structure of a relationship because as says in mishna and tractate all the books of of the Bible are holy but the song of songs is the Kesh kadash is the holiest of the Holy now the song of songs is a love poem in fact there's no religious message in the song of songs it's the only book of the Bible which has no moral instruction no religious precepts even the Book of Esther it's a history Tale But it's a tale about Providence about some inner Force pulling the strings together the book of Song of Songs it's graphic it's sensual it's intimate and it's about a boy and a girl who break all the rules basically and mommy and tati and the system are trying to separate them cuz he's supposed to be in school she's supposed to be in he's supposed to be shepherding the flock she's supposed to be in school and they're basically met illegally and they fell in love and they keep on chasing in each other running from each other chasing each other it's a classic Crush of teenagers who the parents are very upset about this relationship that's what it would seem like now it's very romantic it's beautiful it's heartwarming but it doesn't seem to be very Jewish and yet R AA said it's the holiest book of the Bible why it's holier than everything why cuz is a metaphor it's a metaphor of the relationship between God and Israel Between Heaven and Earth between the soul and the body but it's more than that it's written in such graphic terms to teach us that essentially for love and romance in our world to be meaningful and enduring is when love and romance reflects the spiritual relationship a love that is divorced from spiritual relationship is a love that is shortterm and could be a love that is even vile and vulgar now this is not the place to discuss what's going on now in the political reality of America for that you have debates tonight so from the yehudi you can go to the debates from Paradise to Purgatory from Heaven to Hell um uh I'm I'm unfortunately not going to be able to do that because I'm going to be on the airplane and I doubt they're going to show those the debates on the airplane well I'll have to hear the the replays of the great Brilliance uh the Great brilliant remarks apologies or whatever that are going to happen tonight but certainly it's going to be a circus and probably George Washington Thomas Jefferson Abraham Lincoln are not very happy in their graves uh when they think about uh forget who's going to win who the candidates uh who the candidates that we're dealing with whichever whoever you're voting for or not voting for okay but from a Jewish perspective love romance sexuality the intimacy are very deep forces we know this but for them to uh really be powerful and enduring they ought to be associated with a soul relationship a physical relationship that is divorced from a soul relationship is superficial it's Skin Deep it's powerful you can ask Trump you can ask uh bill it's powerful but it's it's not deep it's not authentic it's very potent especially for men as Giuliani explained eloquently today but it's not it's not deep what do I mean it's not deep it's not enduring and this is true with a marriage too couples that their attraction is merely physical but not spiritual in other words they don't share values they don't respect each other's personalities so their intimacy lacks intimacy there may be sexuality but no intimacy intimacy is made up of three words into me see into me see requires a lot of vulnerability requires the ability to strip your garments and to be able to look at yourself and allow other people to see you in a very profound way so sexuality in Judaism never J never ran away from sexuality we're not Christians I was talking to a Christian and I said you got it wrong you thought it says celbrate doesn't say celebrate it says celebrate in Judaism intimacy is celebrated it's it's sacred writes that it's the holy of holies of of the Jewish religion but the song of songs tells you the story love is powerful when it's a metaphor when it's the physical is a Continuum of the spiritual and that's why if you want to understand the structure of our high holidays it's about a relationship and about intimacy we have now two months that are loaded with holidays and for most Jews they're loaded with guilt for most Jews or many Jews it's full of a heavy feeling how many people enjoy rashash how many people enjoy Yumer it's just here we go again the day of judgment the day of confession leave me alone somebody asked me what what's the definition of a Jew and I said that if he doesn't feel guilty he blames himself we're guilt ridden in a good day after you eat a l you're guilt ridden cuz too much oil after you eat a humash you're guilt ridden because too many sesame seeds and too much carbs after you eat mat you're guilt ridden CU it's Mish carbs after you eat cheese bles on you're guilt ridden when are you not guilt ridden Yumer is all about guilt it's very hard for Jews we carry a lot on our shoulders I Come From New York there's a concept called jury duty you know what jury duty is you get summoned to be in a jury everyone has to go and you need a good excuse to get out of it so I have my excuses but there was a Jewish woman there and the way she got out of it was she told the judge that she was guilty somebody asked you what's the difference between Italian mothers and Jewish Mothers I said they both make pasta for dinner both of their 16-year-old teenagers come home taste the pasta and say ma it's horrible I'm not eating this pasta you you won't I won't take money to eat it I wouldn't eat it if I was dead nor would I feed it to the devil that's so horrible this pastas I can't even conceive how somebody could make such sickening spaghetti that's what 16y olds are like especially when they're you know their attitudes are flying high and both mothers shoot they both shoot the difference says the Italian mother shoots her boy the Jewish mother shoots herself so these holidays are very very intense and I would say many Jews have been alienated from them people think everybody comes toer it's not true in Manhattan how many Jews live in Manhattan let's say 500,000 600,000 count old the schs reform conservative Orthodox kadic Ultra orthodox [Music] Reconstructionist gay any synagogue renewal kabura bagel and locks any type of synagogue you want Count how many seats you think you'll have in the whole Manhattan how many seats 12,000 at best but there's 500,000 Jews where are they going okay a few are going to Westchester to their parents a few are going to Long Island most Jews don't go topper it's a fallacy we think most Jews go to sh a lot of Jews go to most Jews don't step into a because it doesn't speak to them they went as kids everybody went as kids their grandmother and grandfather slept them once a year yum Kipper or TW three times a year they sat for four hours and it was the most boring experience of their life at least in Hebrew school you could throw spitballs you remember you could do spitballs with with with with straws in synagogue you can't so you sit like a glump for 4 hours and one thing you know the moment you become independent the moment you're going to college you ain't returning to this place again and they're reading words that are completely irrelevant to them which is the crisis of a Judaism that's completely irrelevant there were three rabbis Progressive we're talking the other day about how Progressive their shs are so one says you know our sh is really modern we we got rid of all the old stuff it's yipper everybody who comes in gets a few Sushi platters so if they get hungry in Middle they can eat some sushi second a big deal our show is really progressing near every seat is a laptop at any point in the services you could serve the web you could update your Facebook account you could see what's going on you could follow Trump and Hillary it's all good the third Rabbi says Nah this is old stuff our SCH is really really modern and Progressive before the before we put up a big sign closed for the holidays so that's what it is for most people to really understand you have to go into the model of relationships the way a relationship works is there's dating then there is proposal and then hopefully she agrees and then you get ready for the wedding and then there's a wedding and there's a and there's dancing and then there's seven days of festivity and then there's a honeymoon and then Life Begins and good luck there was a Jewish couple celebrating their 50th Anniversary so so she says I want to make a toast to myself for sticking it out with him for 50 years and I want to tell you that the 50 years went by like two days people were impressed a Jewish couple after 50 years they on speaking terms and not only that it went by like two days but it was a nudnik and he says why do you say like two days why don't you say went by like one day why two she says cuz our marriage 50 years went like two days felt like two days tier right so fine so that's after the honeymoon okay now if you want to really look at this come back to the Jewish calendar you'll see it's all in the it all begins in the Jewish calendar it's the two months and Tish El the alter says in that El the king is in the field what is he doing in the field we call it in English dating he's in the field he's relaxed he says he's smiling you know during dating men are they they I always say you know whenever you see a a man holding the door open for the girl to go into the car it's one of two things either it's a new wife or a new car so the during the month of el the king is in the field it's a time that God says I want to just get to know you let's hang out together that's El comes R what happens r at night r at night God proposes that's rash the energy of rashash is an energy of serious question are you going to say yeah the night of rash the groom the boy turns to the girl the young man turns to the young woman in this case God turns to the Jew and says I'm crazy about you I want to be with you we should be together forever I know I'm not the easiest uh the easiest soulmate to be in a relationship with God means to be in a relationship with infinity to be in a relationship with mystery to be in a relationship with ultimate meaning with with Limitless reality it's tough it's much easier to be in a relationship with bagels with chees danishes they're not infinitely mysterious it's pretty clear the poison but a relationship with God is complicated it's very diff the relationship with God is very serious it's very real it's very authentic to quote Abraham Joshua hesel if God does not amount to everything he amounts to nothing you got that think about it so the woman tells the guy I need I need a this is we're just dating four weeks it's four weeks you know on the West Side you date for for 16 years and it's still not enough uh some places of Manhattan 22 years you know you get married when you're 80 when you're 90 so fast four weeks it's almost like the groups God says listen you know you want to we could date for another 40 years but let's face it we belong together so the girl says the Jew says give me a night let me think it over R in the morning we tell God we have an answer we blow the chauffeur the chauffeur is a way of saying yes so God says okay let's get married the Jew says when he says yum Kipper I got to prepare he says I give you 10 days but a wedding you don't prep for wedding then he says no the caterer belongs to me the floor is belongs to me the hall belongs to me I could do a wedding in a few days just prepare so the days between and Y you're preparing for the wedding yum Kipper is the wedding so when yum Kipper what do we dress like we dress white why do we dress white cuz that's what a bride dresses at a wedding and white we fast on him Kipper the Jewish custom is that the bride and the groom fast on the day of the wedding it's a day of our wedding that's why we fast people say why are we fasting because you getting married and you get married you can't go with a full freshing stomach imagine men wouldn't fast the day of the wedding they already eat for 25 years before that the day of the wedding you have to be a little clear you got to empty the stomach feel the pangs of hunger nothing will happen nobody dies from fasting for a few hours especially Jews they eat a meal before Yer after Yer it's fine and if you ever saw the meal after y looks like they haven't eaten in four months so y ker is the wedding how does the wedding begin it begins with the with the pression pray is the first part of the wedding is always solemn it's always solemn it's serious and it's a very deep commitment and that's what Yer is the first thing you do in Yi as we spoke kidra you absolve your vows people because you can't be married to somebody if you're married to other people and if you're married to yourself you can't be married to another person if you're married to yourself did you get that young men you first have to divorce yourself in order to marry somebody that's why in talmud the tractate for divorce comes before the tractate for marriage why so some people think because the sages were prophets and they knew about Hollywood and in Hollywood you get divorce before you got married in middle of the wedding they already planned the divorce on a deeper level you have to get divorce from your own ego before you could let somebody else in so yum Kipper is really a very intense day it's the day of the wedding the first half of the wedding which is very solemn it's very serious it's very introspective there's The Veil The Bish in the beginning of the wedding and what the veil is saying is the groom tells the bride I know that much of you I don't see and I'm ready to marry the part of you that I don't see as much as the part that I see one of the biggest challenges in America is people think they're marrying the people that they think they're marrying did that make sense people think they're marrying the people that they think they're marrying but you never marry the person you think you're marrying people change all the time time so marriage really is a commitment to this person even when I'm going to see things that I don't see today of course I'm going to see new things that I don't see today but I want I know you're the type of person you are I want to hold your hands even through the unpredictable realities if that's possible sometimes there's abuse or sometimes there's different circumstances Beyond expectations that a person has to separate or divorce especially when there's abuse or other similar situations but I'm talking about in situations where there's no abuse but there are idiosyncrasies people are so different so it's really a commitment that's like nishma the Jews when they married God they didn't know everything there was a veil there was AES I'm committed to you and I know that a lot of you I don't see you know people say What's between men and women I say I'll tell you the difference women most women marry most men believing that they're going to change the guy's a SLO but he'll live with me for a year and he'll become a mench most women think men are going to change but the truth is men don't change very few men change now the other way most women marry Mo most men marry most women believing they're not going to change but women constantly change women change every day most women change every hour some every minute so they think their women are not going to change they're always changing so it's a very interesting Paradox you have so the first part of Yi is really that marriage then you come to is the highlight of Y the last prayer what does n mean closure why is it called every bakov girl here knows why is it C in one of the girls will tell us what do you learn in school why is it called in like closes out like very good she learned well she got an A on her exams because they basically tell you the Gates of Heaven are about to close it's like the garage is coming down if you're caught under it your head will be hurt so so either get in or get out but the gates are coming and what's the Feeling by Jews you have like another few seconds to throw in your petitions cuz God is like cut off time come on give me a break imagine your child comes to spend a day with you right it's now 6:00 in the evening and you tell your son your daughter you're like okay in a few minutes I'm turning into a pumpkin the doors are going to close so therefore tell me the last thing you want and then get out of here that's that's the end of the relationship N means something else listen to this means the Gates of Heaven close during the IL but you're inside in other words it's a time of intimacy it's the room after the you ever see a Jewish what happens after the but the groom and the bride go into a room alone even the photographer leaves do you know what that means even the Sher the mother-in-law is not allowed to be there and she's always present but even the the rabbi they chase out I know the weddings I did and there's always good food by the sushi cakes but the interesting thing is the groom and the bride never touch it it's usually for me and the photographer we come in afterwards and we finish everything up I also fast on days of weddings cuz I know I can eat everything in the room it's a beautiful meal and I always wonder why the groom and bride never eat the food there so I once asked them why don't you eat the food and the guy said it was so exciting I didn't have to eat but you fasted a whole day you'll see most Jews during the at the end when they say they don't feel hungry a whole day Jews are fetching and Sh that they're hungry just one a one cup of water one cup of water what could one cup cup of water do a whole day they cetch ready whener starts Jews are fetching you just ate a whole day no you ever notice right when you ker starts you're starving I don't know why you ker starts everybody is starving everybody is thirsty they just ate like Beasts for three hours no difference and then you k a day forget about it you don't talk to people then they're in a bad mood by people don't feel hungry it's like the room because it's a moment of intimacy with God the groom and the bride are so excited about the new marriage that they the adrenaline is Flowing the dorphin are released they don't the this adrenaline is so powerful they don't have to eat the end of it's the room now what happens after the groom and the Bride come out of the room now starts the dancing so what happens after Yer suus you have four days in between for pictures but okay you missed that fine but then come sukus sukus is the dancing that's why sukus is a happppy holiday it's the second half of the wedding and you dance and dance and dance everyone is at the wedding it's an outdoor celebration seven days of sukus the wedding is over now what happens the lights go off you pay the cater or $80,000 pay the floor is $30,000 hopefully you have the money you pay the guy of the bar 20 $200,000 for all the drunkards who drank you pay everybody and now the groom and the bride go home nobody comes not the shig not the Matchmaker and now it's time to start what we call playing house building a life together with God's grace consummating the marriage what is that in Jewish life the sukus ends you go back into the house and this is a time of intimacy the hakas the dancing with the Torah and SCH the last days of sukus is a form of intimacy that's why we pray for rain then what is rain rain is the sperm of Heaven that comes down and it's absorbed by Mother Earth it f it's it's it's conceived fertilized developed by Mother Earth that's what rain is it's essentially the cosmic metaphor for intimacy between God and the Jewish people between the groom and the bride and arel even says that the seventh day of pesak the sea opens the sea splits the cosmic womb opens and the first souls are born the souls that were conceived on Sim Torah during the intimacy Between Heaven and Earth so Sim Torah is intimacy it's very deep celebration very deep intimate celebration what happens after T you have one more day called isak the end of Tish where there's still no confession for sins it's like the honeymoon what happens after the honeymoon comes the month of kesin the month of kesin everybody knows is the most boring month in the Jewish calendar not one holiday not one special day that's what happens after the honeymoon now life becomes very boring and monotonous and you have to find the joy in taking out the garbage and buying roses on Friday and doing little small things for each other and this is where many marriages fall apart because once the lights are off and the excitement is gone you have to build a different type of relationship this is where real Jewish life happens they once asked a cardiologist why do Jews have so many cardio problems so he said because most Jews I know will always tell you I'm a Jew in my heart so all their Judaism is focused on their heart you know how much stress on their heart there is but if they could distribute their Judaism to their arms and their legs so their heart wouldn't have so much Judaism would be a little healthier so that's what happens after becomes a different type of reality now you have to find God in the daily monotonous routines of life so this is the relationship it starts with dating and El proposal preparation marriage the room the dancing the intimacy the honeymoon and then settling down and finding meaning in the daily relationships now here when we can understand it in terms of a relationship we now come to the next level to discover the Holiness of sins so you see the tal would teaches something very profound when somebody repents out of awe out of fear their sins are absolved when somebody repents out of love their sins become mitzvah that's what Rish says in tractate Yuma page 86b that's what the tal teaches y p off trua out of fear absolves the sins obliterates the sins truva out of love transforms the sins into Mitzvah how can you transform a sin into a Mitzvah what does that mean what does the talud mean the answer to this my dear friends is as follows when somebody makes a mistake when somebody Falls when somebody experiences a tremendous downfall in life but they manage to get up and recreate their life there is something in the depth of their new life that exists only because of the struggle only because of the mistake ask anybody who's been an addiction and then went into recovery and if they are truly in recovery there is something very powerful and deep about these Souls that you will never have with somebody who didn't go through the process of tremendous tremendous addiction why because if I fall but I use my mistakes I use my transgressions as a catalyst as a springboard to a life of renewal I appreciate the truth in a way that somebody else can't appreciate it just like a person who's been stuck in a forest for 2 days and then you give them a cup of water their enthusiasm in drinking that water is different than a person who always had access to water and somebody who hasn't seen a bed in two days and you give them a bed their appreciation of that bed surpasses a person who has a bed every night somebody who's been to prison and then they come out in Freedom their appreciation of freedom is not one that a free person can even understand when Gil Shalit who was sitting by the kamnik and Gaza for 5 years in a Cell in captivity when he walks in at night and goes into a bed he does not take it for granted like you and I take it for granted now thank God we could take it for granted I heard from Ellie weizel who just passed away a few months ago he said there's nobody who experiences gratefulness like us survivors we take nothing for granted this breakfast in the morning really wow people who for 5 years were stripped from all humanist reduced to skeletons and their value of their lives was less than the value of a cockroach literally as a outwood Survivor told me once he says for a German to kill a Jew it took less thought than you smacking a mosquito that's biting you less thought much less thought for you to kill a mouse is far more difficult to trap a mouse is far more difficult because every Jew when you put on a mouse trap starts having issues who gives me the right to trap the mouse maybe the mouse should trap me but the but I paid for the house so if the mouse traps me whatever it is you know how Jews are not so simple a mouse trap every Jew makes a they have to go to therapy because they put out a mouse trap and P may be after you in fact I know there was a uh this fellow who uh this guy you know I'm sorry this mouse who was in a Jewish house and and she loved the house cuz there was a lot of cheese it was great but then they bought a cat and the mouse became you know miserable so the mouse turned to God and said God could you make me a cat God said of course so the mouse becomes a cat but then they bought a dog so the cat became miserable so the cat says to God could you make me a dog God says of course becomes a dog but now the guy decided to discipline the dog so the dog became miserable say God could you give me happiness God says what do you want make me the man of the house sure he becomes the man of the house now his wife comes home and he's terrified like you know most Jewish husbands so he's terrified from her so he's like God God I wanted to be happy God says what do you want make me the woman of the house no problem so now he's the woman of the house standing in the kitchen confident and suddenly she sees a mouse and you know what happens when a woman sees a mouse I don't have to tell you so she turns to God and says God God please make me God says what do you want she says I want to be the mouse God says you were the mouse you idiot that's what you were but that's how life is you know I'm trying to please you you're trying to please her she's trying to please him he's trying to please her and you're trying to please me that's the cynicism of life so you see my friends people have this issue so Ellie weisel said said the way we have gratefulness nobody has gratefulness when somebody makes mistakes when somebody Lies when somebody cheats when somebody insults when somebody does something that's promiscuous they have remorse they reinvent their life the sin becomes a tremendous component of their new discovered life because it's the negative experience that when you convert it into positive energy it gives the positive energy a depth that it never had on its own to put it a little bit in uh in more uh maybe a different words they say there was a guy uh Henry Watson Watson he was a legendary manager he was the legendary manager of IBM and uh the CEO and there was a manager there who made a terrible mistake and he cost the company $10 million in losses the next morning he was summoned by the CEO and he gave in his resignation papers he says listen there's no way I could I can make up what I did I'm grateful for the years here and I just I apologize you know and he was just ready to resign no severance pay let him just get out of here and it was unintentional it was but it was a mistake and the CEO looks at him and says you leaving of course I'm leaving after what I did he says you ain't leaving he was shocked he says you're leaving I just spent $10 million on your [Music] education you're not leaving and this was one of the most brilliant moves he did because the Loyalty that he engendered and he created in that person you can't buy you can't buy loyalty it's one of the problems CEOs have they raise salaries they give bonuses but you can't buy loyalty but this person's dedication to the company from that day on was infinite it was unparalleled so you see when your mistakes become an education they're not mistakes they're educational so a mistake is only a mistake if I don't learn from it but if I learn from it and I ReDiscover myself I reinvent myself then the mistake retro actively turns out to be your greatest educational moment in fact From Success you don't learn from mistakes you learn I'll never forget probably the first or second shabbaton I did in my life I was a little younger than I am today I'm still a baby but then I was a bigger baby and it was maybe the first or second weekend retreat I did I was really really inexperienced like really it was in Chicago I do this weekend I thought I wasn't so bad I thought okay Sunday morning the president of the synagogue who's still around is an elderly Jew very wealthy Jew big Community very nice established Community good Rabbi who who who invited me to come calls me in and we're sitting by the rabbi and I thought he was going to say thank you it was beautiful he sits me down we're sitting by now me and the rabbi and the president looks and says you were horrible you were so bad in fact you were an embarrassment my wife is a PhD in Psychology I brought her Friday night to your lecture it wasn't even 101 basics who do you think you are to speak to phds the way you spoke without an education W who prepared you who trained you 25 minutes did he give me a speech I felt bad more even for the rabbi than for myself cuz the rabbi was a very nice guy and he and he kept so he called me he called me side he says he tells me don't take him so seriously so he hears he says no take me very seriously you were really really bad and he went on and on explaining to me all my mistakes everything I did wrong in every lecture and the poor Rabbi says it wasn't so bad he says no it was worse [Music] and he finishes it's not fun to hear it's not fun to hear especially when you're just starting you know unless you hear it from your wife then it's a good thing to hear cuz it keeps you humble but to hear it from other people so uh he finishes okay it is what it is yeah you these things happen yeah what do they say spaghetti happens I get up to walk out to go to the airport he comes over to me and he says but in retrospect this will be your most successful shabat I thought he's schizophrenic I thought he's M first he tells me I was the disaster of a life time now he he says you know why because you're going to learn from this cuz really you're good he tells me but you don't know it yet so you learn from this and you you'll see that this will be your most successful shab cuz you'll learn from every mistake you made and you'll become good and it was very profound what he did it took courage it took confidence but it was profound and you know what he was right because when you're good and people say thank you there's nothing to learn from you become smug right and you become complacent and you go eat but when you when you're not good when you fail but then somebody helps you channel the failure into a lesson then the failure becomes far more successful than success CU it prompts awareness it generates perspective it expands Horizons you don't learn from success you learn from failure you don't learn from arrogance and smugness you learn from humility and that's why the talud says when somebody repents out of love the sin becomes a Mitzvah why because the new love that they have could have only come about as a result of the mistakes of the sins of the transgressions we spend $10 million on your education there's nothing like the education that comes from failure even though it's very vulnerable it's painful but that's what it is let me put it a little bit in abstract terms how many of you are familiar with the expression Mitzvah means every Mitzvah needs preparation I want to blow Chau on I have to make a chauffeur I have to buy a chauffeur buying a chauffeur is not a Mitzvah but it's the prerequisite for a Mitzvah I want to eat matah on Passover I have to bake matah baking matah is not a Mitzvah but you can't eat if you you don't have baked matah I'm going to sit in a Suk on Suk out I have to build it I have to buy wood I have to buy bamboos buying bamboo ain't the Mitzvah but it's the he Mitzvah it's the prere every Mitzvah you put on Fillin you have to make the Fillin you like shabas candles you need to get matches you need a candle Etc clear right there's no mitz without a preparation a mik of course going to the mik is the mitvah but if there's no structure of no water you can't have a Mikvah so now I want to ask you a question think about this every Mitzvah has Mitzvah what you do in order to do the Mitzvah the the the what's the word I'm looking for precursor the precursor the preliminary preliminaries now there's a Mitzvah called CH repentance what's the of CH what's the preliminary for [Music] CH ad admission is when I'm doing it but what's the prerequisite to be able to Sin Sin so the prerequisite for the Mitzvah of TRV is what is sin but that's a strange idea because sin is the opposite of a Mitzvah it's not like buying a lul sin is doing against what God Said So what do you mean that's the preparation for the Mitzvah so here we have quantum mechanics in Judaism when I do the sin I'm doing a sin okay but here it is how it works if after I do the sin I Repent so the sin leads me to a deeper appreciation of God and truth and Justice and morality so retroactively the sin is redefined from being a sin it becomes a it becomes the prerequisite that allowed me to do chuva but that can only happen retroactively after I did chva which is how the Aral resolves the big Paradox between human choice and divine knowledge everybody had this question when they were 14 if God knows everything I'm going to do you remember when you were 14 and you came to your teacher and they said uh when you'll get older you'll understand and you still don't understand if God knows everything I'm going to do so then I have no choice cuz I can't disprove him can't disprove him and if I prove him right so then he already decided and if I prove him wrong then he doesn't really know so theel says that there are parallel universes yes there's a universe in which I choose there's a universe in which God decides in my world I chose in God's world he decided the question is does these two worlds come together if I don't do Chua my world remains divorced from God's world so I sinned okay it was my choice if I do Chua basically what I'm saying is God chose it if God chose it it must have been a good thing what was so good about it it led me to chva so when I do chva I align my universe with his universe and the two parallel universes merg into one so that the sin is not a sin anymore the sin is a Mitzvah that's what the tal means that when you do Chu out of love your sins are transformed into Mitzvah now come with me and you'll see the whole calendar is based on [Music] thiser are dominated by a feeling of awe sukus is dominated by a feeling of joy we discussed the two stages of the wedding the first half of the wedding is Solemn the second half of the wedding is festive where Sher is more introspective sukus is much more festive joyous extroverted it's like the dancing at the wedding this is Chad of a this is Chad of love in Chad of a God obliterates the sins in Chad of love the sins are transformed into Mitzvah so therefore sukus is called the first day when he calculates sins why is he calculating your sins on sukus cuer he threw away your sins but now comes sukus sukus is a time of love love you bring your sins into the equation because the sin itself is a Mitzvah so what is sukus called the first day of calculation of sins he says let's now calculate the sins CU every sin becomes a Mitzvah where do you see this in Jewish ritual andash we go to the water what do we do by the water we throw away our sins sukus we come back to the water what do we do on sukus we take the water back and we pour it on the altar like a sacrifice in other words on sukus you go back and you reclaim your sins and you bring them up to the Altar and you pour them they become holy cuz on R sh you're in a state where you have to say I don't like what I did I get rid of it symbolically unuk is you mature and you say you know what your past you don't cut away your past you have to elevate your past you have to learn from your past there's two stages in recovery one stage is my past was horrible never never again that's important but then there stage two stage two is you have have to be able to say thank you for my past it taught me something I would never know yes people often say I would never want to go through that but once I went through it I would never not want to go through it I'm not giving it up so easily because all struggle can become a catalyst for unprecedented growth I remember when I was sitting shiver for my father so I turned to my nephew who was close to my father and I said you know it's the end of an era for us and he looked at me and he said or the beginning of a new one and it was a very profound observation if you don't acknowledge that it's the end of an era if you're just in la la land oh everything is so sweet it's so good you know stupid things that people say at Shiva you must be happy it's over you ever heard wise people at Shiva you must be happy it's over yeah I'm thrilled at least he didn't suffer yeah it's wonderful that he's dead he must be in a very good place now oh yeah wonderful place but I would rather he would be in this wonderful place some people Einstein said two things are infinite the universe and stupidity and the latter is more infinite than the former so in my my uh tenure I was privileged to hear a lot of people say a lot of wise things if you don't acknowledge that it's the end you also will never discover that it's a beginning there's always the element of remorse of regret of pain If you deny that you're living in la la land and if you're living in la la land it's going to come back to bite you when a person goes through a painful experience a difficult experience when we make bad mistakes either by mistake or intentional or some people make mistakes with us I can't deny and the the pain I can't deny the need for remorse then it becomes futle you you're you're like you're drunk on a delusional reality that doesn't exist and it's going to come to bite you you have to integrate things in order to integrate sin into your life you first have to get rid of it you first have to go to the water and say get out of my life I don't like you but then in a later stage you go back and you say I now come back to my life because there's something I learned only from you so even though it wasn't easy but it's something I am who I am today because of you and the first person to do this was Jacob he wrestles a whole night with an angel a whole night the guy wants to kill him and then he mimes him he becomes a limping Jew and and then the guy says leave me alone and Jacob says I will not let you go until you bless me bless you a gangster attacks you in a dark alley and then you tell them wait wait before you go I want a br you call 911 you don't ask for blessings Jacob was making a statement when you encounter an adversary s in your life that's trying to kill you or at least make you limp make you Meek make you weak make your stature lower smaller you don't just run away that's not enough cuz if you just run away then the question is why did you have it in the first place Jacob says I will not send you away until I don't get blessed from you I have to come away from every challenge feeling more blessed and that's when he gets his name Isel instead of yov yov means you're holding on to a heal is is two words ler Ro my head you are a leader you wrestled with God and men and you have prevailed and with this jacob set the bar for Jewish history throughout our history we have encountered sadly so many adversaries and not small adversaries profound adversaries the approach of the Jewish people was always not let's just get rid of it and move on which in itself is an incredible approach they said more than that we are going to become more blessed from every adversary we encounter we're going to learn something we're going to channel into a new blessing we're going to see the end of an era also as the opportunity to open up a new era to turn a new p AG they say that Alexander the Great summoned a Jewish artist to depict a painting of him but he gave him the following condition the painting has to be accurate plus I have to look handsome the problem is the two were mutually exclusive if it would be accurate he would be ugly if it would be handsome it would be inacurate and those days you didn't fill the request you can come out with a head shorter the problem was that he had a huge um a huge blemish a huge wart on top of his eye on top of his eyebrow if the painter would eliminate it it would be dishonest if he would put it in it wouldn't look good so what did the Jew do what would you do he drew a painting of the King sitting in a state of deep meditation and reflection so how do you sit like this and the King was was so impressed he loved it he made the impression that he's thoughtful he's reflective he's an intellectual par Excellence so you see what the Jew did he took the very stain he took the very blemish and he turned it into art he used that itself to convert it into art that's what jaob says I will not just leave you I want to feel more blessed from you from every encounter so you have to say what did I learn from it that's the Holiness of sin so that's why R you go to the water and you throw away your sin sukus you got to go back and say come back into my life let me grow from you let me learn from you so now we understand why when we do the confession we do it with a musical because there's two elements to confession one is I feel bad I feel horrible I'm sorry but there's another message and that is ultimately you went through all of this to create more music in your life all of this will create more music not more depression yes you have to go through the remorse you have to be able to say I'm sorry there's an element of humility in that it doesn't feel good to say I'm sorry to call some up on the phone and say I apologize I did something terrible it doesn't feel good we don't like it but there is a music that will come to you through that it's not an act of of destruction of denigration it won't diminish you it will enhance you and that's the plural ofu of says something very Dearing he says you know why you say we sinned we we we who's the we he says we is me and God but that's strange God didn't sin I sinned that's where we come to the ARA this parallel universes I choose in my world God chooses in his world if I do chuva I choose to align the Two Worlds that my world should become a reflection of his world if the sin becomes his choice then if it's a Godly act if it's a Godly act it's good if it's good it's a Mitzvah how can a sin be a Mitzvah because it led me to chva so when I do this sin simultaneously now this is heavy God also does it or to put it simply and I did it I did it but also God decided I should do it but that seems like heresy what do you mean I'm responsible he's responsible no I'm responsible cuz in my world I did it but he also chose for me to do it now what happens so either we just remain in Divergent paths and that's it and I'm resp responsible for my sin cuz that's the world there parallel universes and in my world I chose when I do chuva I choose to redefine the sin from God's perspective I align my world with his world I put my fith and I link it to his Destiny and fate if God chose I should do this sin that means it was a Godly thing it was a Mitzvah what makes it a Mitzvah what makes it a Mitzvah is that's a prerequisite for chva you can't do chuva if you don't sin so for do chuva you had to sin so the sin is not a sin the sin was the prere was it for chuva but that can only happen if I do chuva if I do chuva I retroactively redefine my sin and those are the two stages in every relationship in a relationship we hurt people that's part of a relationship if you don't hurt then you can't get hurt you're not in a relationship a husband who tells a wife whatever you do you will never affect me or a wife who tells a husband whatever you do you won't affect me they're not connected you know if I'm this invisible wall if I'm this thick wall you can't penetrate me okay no we affect each other and we sometimes hurt each other and then we apologize all our relationships with children with siblings with parents with spouses with partners with friends with colleagues with employers with employees with community members we say things and we apologize and then in Stage B we learn how from those mistakes unprecedented growth happens so I bless you my dear friends theum Kipper you and I and all of us should have the courage to confess our sins to apologize for our sins and then to be able to see the Holiness of our sins thank you [Music] all