Purim: When Rabah “Slaughtered” the Ego of Reb Zeira

okay welcome everybody there's one source sheet just one page and today's class is dedicated by Dina dornbush in loving memory and Le nishas her dear friend Sarah B of blessed memory may his soul be bound up in the Eternal Bond of life and remain an eternal source of blessing and inspiration for you and the entire family and all of the Jewish people thank you you very very much somebody shared with me a a beautiful story really very uh extremely touching they didn't know who wrote it I don't know who wrote it but someone someone shared it with me I want know uh I want to share it with you for the beginning of the class this fellow writes he says that for years says he and his wife dreamt of spending a beautiful chabas in the walor aor hotel in yush and uh this past weekend after a lot of saving money and planning they finally made this happen so he writes the hotel is stunning the food was the next level but I didn't expect the shabas morning that I had he says Friday night they realized he and his wife realized that there was a very large contingency of colorful people staying at the hotel and they didn't seem like the normal clientele the regular clientele of the W of FIA in y so he says I politely made conversations with a couple of people and I learned that this was a very large extended family there was a a father there there were this was a family of children who their father or son parents brother was killed four months ago in in Gaza he's a soldier he went into battle to protect his people and he was killed his wife the Widow was pregnant at the time and last weekend she gave birth to a baby boy that chabas the last shabas was the bris the eth day the baby was born on chabas so the the bris would be the next shabas so uh somebody you probably heard of him uh Ray groucherz who's uh a very very special and extraordinary human being and has shown up in the last few months in an unbelievable way for so many so he invited the entire family the extended family of the soldier who was killed whose wife just had a baby and booked them all into the wal oforia for the entire weekend and the entire shabas he arranged the rooms and the meals and the mile and the entire entire bris he even arranged that visitors and VIPs and some distinguished people should come and join the bris and uh this fellow says he learned about this and he thought Ray himself would be there gra who aranged it but he wasn't there he was nowhere to be seen there was he says signs everywhere about the bris and celebrating the bris of course this baby born into a world without without his father only with his mother the were candy bags given out to all the children on the hotel Friday nights everybody would have candies and bags everything was done beautifully designed class uh aesthetically beautiful appealing he says shabas morning he met Raya during the ding and he sees that abay gr is wearing a hospital bracelet I asked him if everything was okay he said that his wife had a baby girl 1:30 in the morning Friday night shabas morning 1:30 in the morning so he obviously went to the hospital as is the duty of a husband got her settled waited till the baby was born and she was fine and everything was fine and then he walked from the hospital all the way to the hotel so that he should be able to join the bris shabas morning this fellow says what a bris it was hundreds and hundreds of people came family members Hotel guests strangers who were in the hotel or heard about it through word of mouth and every everybody was singing songs the mother said the blessing over the bris instead of the father and she couldn't get the words out because of her tears she ended up shouting out the blessing and he said it wasn't a dry eye in the room but a bris is supposed to be a happy occasion so while everybody was crying jumped up on a chair and he started to sing songs of joy and celebration and everyone spontaneously started to dance the small circle got larger and larger as we grew to encircle the entire Ballroom anday is still standing on the chair began the song you know that song of he doesn't have the tune here in the text but I think that's the song Maybe [Music] it's and uh this song is very of sung on you know during the hus which of course was shattered this year in southern Israel and he says nobody wanted the dancing to stop there was just such a sense of Oneness and and unity and faith and power spiritual power just nobody you know you just don't want the music to end you don't want the singing to end and he said one hotel guest was a visitor from Toronto and he turns to me another guest and says this is the most beautiful and meaningful bris I've ever been at none of us knew each other but at this one moment everybody was just family and he says after shabas we were waiting for the valet to bring our car we saw the mother the new mother of the baby she was being helped by her own mother as she wielded a stroller with her newborn out the door with her own little kids following her the new orphans to face the reality of Life as a newly single mom with little kids at a newborn we wished her of and we knew that our connection is eternal and he says life isn't a fairy tale but sometimes we see glimpses of how amazing our people and the world can be that's his story of last shabas so in this class since it's the beginning of of course the month of sheni so this week and next week hasem we will be covering themes connected to the holiday of joy and festivity of course purm and uh I'm going to explore today another dimension of purm like everything sometimes we can fall prey to the external veneer of something and really not Glimpse or touch the core of it so you want to really get to a deeper understanding not just intellectually but also emotionally of purm and the way we'll introduce it is through a very very strange Story the word strange really is the wrong word it's beyond strange even the word bizarre I don't think W will cut it um maybe astounding astonishing uh deeply deeply enigmatic and really disturbing I should say very disturbing in fact if you take the story at face value literally as it says it it's really unfathomable it's very hard to believe and yet the gamor records the story and it's enshrined for eternity and the Jewish people learn it and uh you would think even if this happened you know should be deleted from the records but the gamorra says it and says it in the traed that's dedicated to purm but really when you scratch the surface and you understand what's happening you see it's a very different type of story even though the language can be very misleading like very often when you're talking about very deep Concepts if we don't have the context and the right approach it can be very uh misunderstood and this is one of those classic examples so let's see inside there's a tractate of mishas that's dedicated to purm it's called M M tractate M there's both the mishas on it and the gar on it and this includes all of the laws connected to purm and also a major part of it is a commentary on the Milla itself and deals with stories of PM and this history of PM and the laws connect so on page seven tractate page 7 B the says and I quote it's written in Aramaic but you have your an English translation as well said many of you have heard the term till you don't know the orig the origin of this term is from here ra says one is obligated to become inebriated means to become intoxicated with wine Rashi says with wine on until he does not know how to distinguish between cursed is H and blessed is M that's how powerful and intense and potent the nebria is that's what R says this is the obligation of Pur so the gamar continues and backs it up or continues to tell a story and here's the story this is a story of two people who did Justice in fact one of them was R's teacher Ra's Master his name was rabba rabba was the teacher of RA they lived in Babylonia in in present day Iraq from the great the great greatest tmic sages of the time so the gor now tells a story about two people RAB and these are the names of two of the greatest sages Babylonian sages of the time they prepared a purm feast to celebrate with each other they decided to do the sud together the sudas there's an obligation of course one of the Mitzvah of Pur one of the four mitzvas in addition to reading hearing the M sending gifts to a friend giving charity giving gifts to the poor the fourth Mitzvah is a feast a joyous celebration and here they decided to do the meal together what happens next ifum ifum means they became intoxicated they became inebriated that's what Aramaic if means come RAB RAB arose he stood up and he slaughtered the next day R asked Hashem for Mercy for compassion and he brought him back to life he resurrected him comes from word like like brought him back to life he revived him he he resurrected him a year passes the next year purm is coming everybody's thinking about purm so what happens Mar RAB tells the same two friends from last year what does he say let the master come and let's once again celebrate the purm Feast with each other says to him says to Miracles don't happen every every single hour and that's the end of the story and here we move on the story Mo the gamor moves on to the next discussion that's the story so now you understand why I said it's a mind staggering story literally on every level the first level is what happened even not two of the greatest sages and leaders of the time two regular people two regular Eden who get intoxicated on come RAB stood up and slaughtered he killed another person he killed another human being killed another Jew dur during the pur meal that's how he celebrated Pur it's unfathomable it would be unfathomable about any single person not any person but about most people that you know and that I know even when I am very very very Tipsy and smashed and inebriated and drunk and intoxicated and good even huh you're right but what's what what are the what are the seets that came out so this would be a question on anyone especially RAB say he was literally from the greatest of the generation the says he did not stop his mouth did not seize from tur for a moment Raba once said about himself the gor says I'm the example of a b of an intermediary in between Jew not aad and RAB said you're not letting anybody live his student and nephew said you're not letting anybody live you know if if if you're the b what are we and yet this is a story that the G records about this person and why did he kill him because he got drunk what's equally Strang is what happens next imagine there's a p meal and somebody Slaughter somebody else what do you think should happen at that moment huh okay masas I don't know whatever may may maybe somebody should sober up no the next day what happened till the next day oh okay the next day he decided it's time to DAV the next day he decides to start DAV in in other words he went to sleep in between or he was just continuing he didn't go to sleep he continued the the the meal the fa in this situation now comes the third strange part next year if you were Raba I don't mean you but if someone was rabba right just think about it last year it's like I did it I killed a guy somehow I managed to do this miracle of which is also unparalleled now you would think that people who are capable of asking hasem and Dav and affecting Resurrection usually they're not murderers even when they're drunk but somehow we have to reconcile the two parts okay next year what would Raba be doing this whole year chva more chva more chva more remorse the last thing you would expect Isa why not another shot why not another meal once again that's the last thing I would do I don't hear asking asking forgiveness maybe wearing a sackcloth it says M right put on a sack fasted three days Esther everybody was fasting CH something called cha okay he's alive great you can ask him forgiveness it's almost likea wasn't that an awesome experience like wasn't that the best p you had why not do it again such good experiences and what about it also it feels like I would be embarrassed like to even show my face like you may want to avoid that person even if you have to confront that person because you got to deal with the stuff but to go voluntarily for a visit and say come back let me come to your house and P him come to my house and P him and yet he does it he has no problem what's equally strange is's response if you were ABA if I was ABA and this person would come and invite me to the meal what should I say thanks for the invitation go maybe invite another friend or I would suggest this P him you stay very very dry and sober if you need grape juice is a wonderful alternative although I would suggest celery juice at best if you want spinach juice can Coale juice is also fine but really RAB this is not what to to do certainly I'm not going to be there it's not what he tells him he says you know Miracles don't always happen he doesn't even address the horrific crime in other words if I would know that miracles happen constantly okay let's go pasal let's not let's go ahead but since we know that Miracles may not happen every morning every day every hour I have to [Music] refuse it's on him too there's a there's a there's a there's a right in front of a blind person one is not allowed to put a stumbling block which includes in a more General way that I'm not going to cause somebody to stumble morally so really if would be coming that's what he should say I'm not even all to do this you inviting haven't you learned anything haven't you learned anything no I would be happy to come just don't I don't know if there's going to be a miracle yeah why very good question that's the key to the answer the word is slaughtered sh it's not usually the word for killed the word in Aramaic for killed is c c that's the word cut here the word is we know what means and we know what it conjures in our image that makes the story even more strange he went and he you know you could say sometimes he fell he dropped something there was an accident no was no accident from all the words the gamar uses could have used another word he uses the word which is the word we use for animals for means slaughtering and there's a process of how you do and it's not the regular word to do it's not killing is not that word there's a word there's a word there's different words that don't indicate the particular method of slaughtering which is done in a what's called in a slaughtering Place obviously this story has triggered the commentators over the generations to try to uh confront it how we supposed to deal with it and not only that the gamar decides to put in the story in other words it's such a it's such a disturbing story like and you don't even see a PR sometimes you have the story of for example there's a lot of different ways of understanding that story theel Abel was one of the great uh he was the Finance Minister of uh Ferdinand and Isabella in Spain in the 15th century and they offered him to stay in Spain even when the Jews were expelled because he was such an indispensable contribution for the for the Spanish monarchy but he refused onsh 1492 he left with all of his people he wrote a a very fascinating commentary on the whole tanak it's a very long commentary it's hard to learn that bar takes a lot of time so in the story of D and bevel's objective is that's exactly the point the exact point is to tell you that a person is capable of making very serious mistakes and the key is to know how to apologize the key is when confronts D's words are I have sinned unlike now there are many other perspectives on D that's not our discussion I want to bring out I could understand sharing a story that's very very disturbing to teach people what we what humans are what humans even great people are sometimes capable of and that's why I have to be accountable I have to be careful conscientious I have to be able to apologize it's a very important lesson it's an important lesson to know that people can fail but that's not even the discussion here I don't see a conversation of Raba like spending you know his time rectifying like completely not that's like it's not even part of the conversation it's almost like it's a great story so the mafam commentators struggle with this over the generations many naturally say including the Marsha the Marsha is one of the great commentators on GAR he was the ofum is not only a fictional Place Kum is a city in Poland he was a rabbi there for nine years his name was adles adles was his mother-in-law's name and the mar says Ritz the yitz says in his commentary the Mal and others ready from thei it doesn't mean literal it doesn't mean literal it means he gave him too much to drink and he got sick he got very sick he couldn't handle it it was too much and the next day he saw how sick he was so he DAV and doesn't mean he brought him back to life it means he brought him back to health that's what they explain and we understand why they explain it cuz that already is more contain containable story it happens you know a person has too much to drink I didn't realize I didn't estimate I didn't know his body and this happens however everybody could see from the language of the gamor that it's a very difficult explanation CU sh means slaughtered you don't say I slaughtered an animal I made the animal sick doesn't say he wounded him he made him sick there's words for that too so they say yeah the gor is just using a very very intense expression maybe you could say trying to warn people you make somebody sick it can lead them to death but nonetheless the simple language doesn't seem to indicate okay this was just an issue of he had a little too much to drink The Hangover was intense or his body couldn't take it and he fell ill and maybe even a very serious illness even if you want to interpret that why is he doing it next year again you learned your lesson right so why you doing a sud with him you saw what happen you're not going to be even if I don't kill somebody I'm not going to be I'm not going to make somebody sick it's an absolute prohibition to harm another person on any level and of course first and foremost physically it's also a Prohibition he goes again and asks again writes that RAB says in another placeas that he was born in the ma madm different days and different hours are connected to different mazas planets and he's connected to madm which is Mars mad comes from the word red D because of Mars the color red it's called M and because he's connected to that planet he has a bloody nature that's what it that's what he says about himself and the gar explains that people who are sometimes born in that masle and have certain Tendencies they have to choose because their aggression could come out in destructive ways or it can come out in positive ways and he says you should consider being a you should consider being a so the says oh the two stories fit so what did you say a doctor a surgeon yeah yeah not a teacher please you could teach other surgeons how to do surgery yeah yeah I didn't mean you you're an exceptional teacher and so it's very very very very nice from but still being connected to a Mas as the ram explains doesn't mean that I'm forced to live a certain way it means that I may have certain proclivities certain instincts we all know that from our lives as a result of nature or nurture or usually a combination of both and sometimes factors that are conscious or unconscious generational or personal environment or internal genetic or things that we acquire as a result of our developmental experiences we tend to follow certain patterns certain natures and that's not an excuse for me to she another person of course especially Raba who was considered one of the tadim of the generation but again even not a great sadic even a regular human being who's moral and decent and just a half a mench not even a half a mench even a quarter of a mench there were those over the generations who explained the whole story mystically it's a metaphoric story it's all written in code language now we have that concept you have M you have different stories that are explained by the cabalists as simply code language but here it would be very difficult to explain this because this is brought in directly into the discussion of this is not a section of gor that's dealing with homedical spiritual metaphysical interpretations this is talking about said is for a person to drink and then the brings a story so to say that the whole story is just a metaphoric story would be very very difficult not only that it's very interesting R was one of the Great and the B they both write that Ra was one of the great said that the reason the gor tells the story is to cancel out what ra said ra said it's a it's an obligation to in to become the says let me tell you a story and that story will show you that this was cancelled in other words this was R's view it was not accepted because of what happened if it's all a metaphoric mystical story they would have canceled the obviously according to this was a little story now most authorities don't believe that this was nullified in in the code of Jewish law ra statement about drinking onam is brought if this Mish happened I would understand why everybody said no we're not doing this don't get clothed to and we understand sometimes you see people doing much less than sh and still mom is having a heart attack and a migraine already a week before pm and worried about what's going on certainly when you have such a story and yet most authorities didn't agree with r and the proof is rep himself next year was offered this and other words they didn't cancel the that's what the says so how are we to relate to the story that it happened and yet they didn't cancel the at least according to most authorities and all the details that we discussed before so I had the Merit to hear an incredible explanation on this from the I was a kid still a kid but but I was a little younger I still remember it it was 1984 tal I was m a kid before and it was a shabas after Pur shabas I think it was shabas 1984 was the shabas after Pur and the Reb would have a shabus afternoon and one of the talks he started off with sharing the story in gamar asking all the questions and then offering an explanation into the story I have to say even though I was young and uh my mind does tend to Rome today there's a lot of names for that but then was then there were no names for anything but I could still remember when the Reb said took a long time he explained it and then he continued the next shabas I still remember how thousands of people were just glued the questions were so powerful you know I was wondering like how are you going to answer these questions well however you how you going to answer these questions the questions were so potent so powerful so overwhelming how you going to address it when the Reb began them the explanation it was so mesmerizing simply on an intellectual level besides the emotional level I could still see it and hear it and the explanation is literally ingrained in my memory from that day even though I did look it up uh this morning to ref to refresh and the truth is the truth is the nucleus of it and he mentioned this in the writing the nucleus of it is already found in the shal the Shah was one of the great sages who lived in he was there R in Prague Frankfurt and then y Ru Hartz Ray Hartz he lived in the 16th and 17th century it's known as the shal because of his book is called and over there and actually the section connected to he says a short little insight on this which has the nucleus of this explanation and to show you the Precision in every word of kazal the Reb based it on one word one word was Shak like you said slaughtered but one more word that doesn't seem that seems Superfluous we wouldn't we wouldn't make a big deal of it but if every word is precise you should and that is it says says RAB and ABA had a meal together they became intoxicated ifum they became intoxicated and then the word is come what does come mean he stood up now you may say he stood up I don't know CU it's easier to sh somebody standing then sitting but is that really relevant and if he did it sitting and if if Rea put his head down on his lap or was sitting near him you say Well it happened to me he stood up why does the gar mention them come stood up and then the word as we said he slaughtered him it also says they both became intoxicated the truth is the story is about whose intoxication Nota the story is about Rab's intoxication he's the one who did this now naturally if Thea wouldn't have been intoxicated it probably would have been a fight a serious fight and if rabba prevailed this would have been truly cruel extra cruel even though story The Way It Is is so difficult to understand but the gamar emphasizes if they both became intoxicated even though that's not the that's not the core of the story the core of story is R what happened to happened to is the one who was he's the one who did it all of these are little little Clues little hints to uh to open us up to what's really happening in the story and this also gives gives us another insight you're talking about purm purm is considered one of the greatest to the greatest day of the year not only that it says in that it says in is called which means that is it's like in a way is even greater than in other words in some ways is like P so that means that in some ways Pur has something that even doesn't have imagine somebody would tell you I went and people were doing and daving he imagine a Jew comes and he's daving and and doing CH and then you say in the middle of that what happened he went over to somebody and heed him it's unfathomable and here it's onp such a powerful day in terms of Holiness that suddenly turns the whole PM into not just a bash but a dangerous dangerous bash where such CRI criminal behavior Can Happen like what what what are they what are we trying to teach people what are you trying to teach our children some of you have a hard enough time with him without such stories happening just teenagers drinking and whatever I'm not going to get into it at the moment and you know how you feel about it so and frankly some people really don't like puin because of this they feel it's just wild and and frivolous and ridiculous and absurd you're nodding never mind the sh is pressure but even in the old way shal the way they did it they the way they did shalas 40 years ago when your mother took Brown Bag put an orange in the bag and a humach and gave it to her neighbor and her neighbor put in I don't know an apple and another H and that was the end of sh even without the pressure of sh but this aspect of put makes people queasy and for good reason because very often drinking when it's not done by a mature responsible person in the context of sensitivity and Holiness is just the release of of of animalistic Tendencies and drives and and irresponsibility and people whatever everything that happens when people get drunk you have to be very careful and here we have this in the most extreme fashion that's just recorded so what do you want from your [Laughter] teenager in order to understand this we have to go to another story and then come back and this is the famous story of n a n a with the two sons of Aon and the day that the mishk was dedicated the day that the Mish was put up for the first time a year after The Exodus of Egypt happened the year 2448 since creation a year later almost the first anniversary two weeks before the first anniversary the Mish was put up and it was literally one of the greatest moments in history kazal say it was as greatest creation creation of Heaven and Earth was so to speak happened once again through the creation of the mishkan first was go Hashem creating a home for the human and the mishkan was the human being creating a home for Hashem and the great people representing the story were Aon the high priest and His Four sons and on that great day tragedy struck and the two sons of aru passed away the Torah is very very ambiguous about what happened exactly it says in that the two sons of a offered on they offered a alien they created an alien fire that they were not commanded and they passed away there was a fire that consumed them and here again exactly what happened what were the circumstances so actually interprets the words it says spoke to after the death of the two sons of iron when they came close to God and they died why does the PK say that so says that is trying to tell you what happened it was a story of let's see the third this the Second Source in your source explain to M how they passed away it came from their closeness to God they came close to the Divine Light with a love of Holiness and that's how they expired is inating is explaining the wondrous love and affection of these people of these great people even though they felt that their bodies will not be able to contain this listen to words those who know the words of you could see that he almost can't contain himself despite the fact that they they knew their bodies won't contain might not contain this they did not prevent themselves from getting close and he use the words Deus vus means attachment pleasantness AR sweetness kinship friendship love desire sweetness to experience the full presence of the of the Divine until their souls said this is too intense and the Soul just insired this you need to understand this quality this experience I can't describe the quality of it it's beyond articulation in words it's beyond something that we can recognize not from any human being I can't even put it in words it can't come from the the mouth doesn't have the words for it and the quill doesn't have the words for it it won't even be comprehended with a brain that is attached to the material and therefore has a hard time even grasping what I'm saying when a person experiences this internally in a great measure the soul cannot be contained in the flesh and it leaves and it return returns to the home of its father what is teaching us here says something that he says I can't explain it I'm not going to talk about it I'm not going to write about it because you're not going to understand it but he still writes about it because he wants us to know something here yeah yeah yeah what is there really explaining it's not something we talk about so much but the reason we don't talk about it is not necessarily for the right reasons and I'll explain what I mean I'm going to ask Hashem to allow me to become a channel for this because this is not uh this is not such an easy thing to talk about the Ultimate Experience of yish kite is about absolute Bliss we often I get a lot of emails from people a lot of questions from people how do I reconcile the need and the desire to have a Jo joyous life with all of the demands of Life the duties of life especially as a mother as a wife or as a husband or as a father or as an adult or as a teenager trying to grow up all these duties and responsibility especially all the religious duties and responsibilities in other words people are often struggling to reconcile between our desire for Joy for Elation for calmness for and yet there's so many responsibilities and there's so much guilt connected to religion I'm doing this wrong and whoever gets things right you know that person Perfection is is is fiction that means if guilt is my default mode there's always room for it and that's very important sometimes I was telling this to somebody sometimes people feel terrible shame or guilt about something right you do something and then you I didn't do it right there's always that self-blame so I told somebody the other day I said I want you to understand something your guilt or your shame or all the negative voices you're having has nothing to do with what happened your guilt and shame is waiting to come out anything you do boom it pounces it's literally like a predator like a cheetah I don't know if you watch documentaries of cheetah and and lionesses and tigers they wait they wait they don't have it's not about this de that there that there that's that's God's they need to eat okay that they wait this is the deer boom and actually the deer know that because when deer get away they don't sit for the next 10 years and say what did I do so horribly to deserve this only we do that to ourselves the deer are smart they don't have a yeah we like that you like that yeah yeah that's why we have deer here they're supposed to teach us how to live a little bit they don't sit and say mommy No in fact we know that when a predator attacks an animal a mammal or another animal and they get out of it either they freeze or they manage to run away so before they Join the Herd they shake for like I think 30 seconds or a minute and they basically shake off the physical trauma the physical and then they go back to their her and they're normal it's not 30 years later they're still struggling with identity therapy yeah they do they do instinctive somatic because it's in the body if not the body the body conc capes it but what happens with many of us is our mind comes into the picture picture and the mind has a story I'm horrible I'm ugly I'm sick God hates me the world hates me life hates me I'm not deserving I'm undeserving so now the rest of my life I'm busy compensating for that void so I told this person the guilt and the shame is inherent it's in just waiting for the right moment you said something ah stupid you're so unintelligent you're so illiterate you're so immature do you know how people are thinking about you after you said that I mean why don't you just shut your mouth and remain quiet forever and then you you sure then you'll have self-love nothing to do I'll prove it to you the next day something else happens and the same voice it's not about what happened it doesn't say that to it doesn't say the truth it doesn't say I am here to destroy you I am here to make you feel worthless I'm not here for that no I'm here I'm the I'm the sadic I'm the one to protect you I'm the one telling you the truth that's its power the power is that it speaks in the name of Truth so when sometimes we have an inborn tendency and it's not necessarily inborn very often it's developed we have to be able to distinguish and to be able to look at it and with compassion observe all those voices without falling prey to the teeth and jaws of that chetah inside of me that's ready to mow me at any moment as a result of this there's also conceptions that are ingrained in us and it's not anybody's fault or judgment on the contrary the Jewish people have life is not a fairy tale as this person wrote and the difficulties and challenges are so real that one needs a constant uh tuneup to be able to tune into this but what does really teaching us here the here is teaching us that the experience of divin the experience of hem by definition is an experience of infinite Bliss says there's a story that the B once came to and he went into the and he went to theim and he gave a clap in the Bim and he said in a niggan taste and you will see hasem this means as follows if my visceral experience I'm going to be honest now if my visceral experience of Hashem is loaded with negativity with toxicity with just with pressure it's like like six washing machines placed on my shoulders that's my visceral experience so obviously is saying I'm worshiping an idol I have the wrong God TAMU you know when you say taste the food you'll see it's delicious I don't have to convince you taste it you'll see that's what says taste it you'll see what if I taste it and taste it and taste it and taste it and it's horrible so I reach one of two conclusions either it's Hashem it's it's really I don't see or I just blame myself but there's also a third element and that is that there are blockages not allowing me to experience the authentic relationship with Hashem I want to give you another source and this comes unexpectedly from the ramb the rambam people like to describe him as the ultimate rationalist the r was he was organized and structured and his philosophical work got thex to so ual and rational and the ram cherishes the gift of the mind and intellect but here I want to show you another part that people don't know know about the ra he describes what love looks like what looks this is the direct quote from the r your next Source R what does real what does Real Love look like one experiences a love of hasem that is great means overflowing AA intense excessively intense to the point that one's soul is bound up in this love of to the point that the person is always perpetually immersed in it it's almost like a person it's like a person is love sick like a person is sick somebody is sick it's 24 you know person has a bad flu or a bad infection it's 247 there's almost like it's so intense it could be like I'm I'm sick with love it's so intense and here he's referring to a particular type of love sick and it's fascinating that the rambam gives the next example and I know it could be a little uncomfortable but I want to explain to you why he gives this example because the ramam is trying to show people what a visceral experience is like and he gives an example you wouldn't expect the Raam to give but he gives this example a person who's sick with love towards another human being this means not I like somebody not even I love somebody I'm sick about somebody I'm crazy it's not just a crush or attachment it's an overwhelming intense experience and he says this man this person who's having a feeling it's not a feeling once in a while his mind cannot get off he cannot divert his mind from the love of this person of this woman he's immersed in this person thinking connecting this constantly when he's sitting when he's standing when he's eating when he's drinking in other words it touches me so deeply I eat and I think about it I drink and I think about it I sleep and I think about it I take a walk and I think about it I can't get my mind over you say you know what you need help that's one second so listen to his words you think this is bad you think this is bad or fun yes sir for those who get it is even stronger that's what says I am love sick and that's why if you open the book The shim and you learn shim eight chapters it's filled with intense imagery shim is not a philosophical intellectual work it's extremely it's graphic it's sensual it's visceral it's very body oriented what's this and suddenly it became a holy book in fact there's a there's a there's a opinion in M some of the sages said is not part of the it fell into the tanak by mistake there's an opinion like that and who responded said to say this and went as far as to say all the other that's what says all the other books are holy is Holy of all so thought there were those who wanted to dismiss it delete it all what it control all delete Anda says on the contrary what did I say no no you said control control all Elite that's what they taught me re reset exactly it's what yeah yeah very good very good I told you you're a good teacher she said does not have hashem's name in it that's what's so surprising and there's no moral instruction it doesn't say there you know it doesn't say anything about Hashem about morality about ethics about mid it's nothing it's a story about a Shepherd who's out in the field and he meets somebody you know why wasn't he in yiva I don't know I don't know why he wasn't in yiva that's the first question on Shar he's out in the field and the shepherd and it's springtime in ER his you know it's beautiful right the winter the describes this the winter is gone you can hear the doves the doves and the pigeons you know they're all preparing to lay to make nests and build a new family it's the it's the vibe exactly it's the and we know which Vibe he's talking about and I have my Dove who's hiding behind the clifts of a rock hidden step and the shepherd says I want to see your face I want to hear your voice The Voice is so pleasant the countenance is so so beautiful and the whole and it gets very detailed very intricate so that's what they said what does it have to do with the T what does it have to do with T it's a love poem great what's have to do with T so said it's kem's name is mentioned at the end once there's one more saer in hm's name is not mentioned in which one Miller both Mill doesn't even have hm's name even once also very strange it's part of the T put in aem's name once not once also fascinating and here there's a common denominator wherea is teaching is exactly what the r this is what the ram is articulating here what is teaching is the most powerful Bliss that people have on Earth and I'm not talking about fictional Bliss that I would call complete distraction from your real life I'm not talking about that cuz that comes and goes very fast it's called a distraction but let's say there's a moment of true true deep deep belonging and connection not a crush not a distraction not something that's taking me away from my real life and I'm just literally escaping my responsibility tomorrow I'm going to wake up it's going to be nightmare but I'm talking about a moment of real connection and relationship where a person's heart is swelling from what the words of says I remember when the was calling he said is the words of are wonders beyond wondrous what is telling us is all this is just a mirror a reflection of your relationship with Hashem that's where the infinite Bliss is and if you remember a few weeks ago we learned a story about RAB AA you remember we were they watching the great magic happening in Rome all the sages were weeping RAB AKA was laughing and said and we learned from was saying if this is the type of joy that exists after after the Divine energy comes down and falls and goes through millions of filters and concealments and still there's such a party imagine when I'm tuning in to the source of the Bliss the source of all the Bliss is the the source of all that so imagine when I'm tuned into that place the joy is Indescribable what is this Joy it's not a joy that something I like I'm getting what we often call A I want to be happy I want this it's I'm looking for something else that's going to satisfy me but that that's not the essence of sim cuz that's something that's very very vulnerable when I have it I'm happy when I don't have it I'm not happy as long as it's entertaining I'm happy so yeah we all do that but it's a very very skindeep form of a celebration the truest form of sim of bliss is what is describing here and the truth is we need to talk about this more I think we need to teach it more most importantly we have to find tools cuz it's not about intellectual he's not talking about intellectual it's not a philosophy class what happens so often to Judaism is becomes philosophy we talk about things we know how to do everything and it's important because is the bedrack of that's why we're here but often we're deprived of and our children are deprived of it's not just children adults all the way I'm not talking I'm not talking here only about children is the visceral emotional experience of a blissful relationship with infinity I know I put in a lot of words into that sentence how do you do it how do you do it yeah so actually it's not what about what we do it's about what we don't do because the soul is a the soul is a derivative of infinite Consciousness and because Hashem is the source of all pleasure and love and all Bliss and all joy cuz let's understand all the love I have in my heart all the love anyone in this room or anyone in the world has in their heart imagine you bring every mother okay into a room and you get the love that exists in every single mother's heart to her children how much love would that be just in this room never mind in the whole city never mind in the state never mind in the world every mother's heart if you can extract all the love how much love would we have infinite infinite and what if we can bring in all the mother of all the generations a lot right and we pretty all in com pretty intense imagine intense stuff and imagine you put that all into one heart that's intense stuff now now understand we did all that love come from a Mindless cell after 26 billion years one day started to feel love tell me how does that happen if this table evolved for another 16 billion years I I'm not going to watch it happen they once asked a turtle if it remembers you know from The Big Bang and everything he said it all happens so fast he doesn't know so if you have the patience of a turtle maybe is this going to develop Consciousness after like a billion years a Mindless cell doesn't develop conscious Consciousness is a gift Consciousness comes from Consciousness love comes from a lover so all this love and every mother where does it come from I'm saying mothers of course I mean also fathers and every person who has love I'm not desri ating against the love of fathers it all comes from where it comes from Hashem that's the source of all the love that's the sour the only source there's no love somewhere else there's not a vending machine called love I put in a dollar and I get it so when the soul is tuned in when I'm plug in my n it's like a plug when I plug my soul into the source and I become a channel then the experience of bliss is beyond comprehension but here's is to challenge all the other thoughts even if I want to start doing that first of all I have to believe I have this I have to develop a relationship with my soul and then there's all the other parts in me that even if I start doing this there's so many other distractions and all of those distractions have a common denominator and that is they don't allow me to experience myself as a conduit for infinity and this is where n were searching for one thing it's called the death of ego the death of ego is when a person begins to live as long as my ego is alive I'm dead as long as when my ego can go goodbye can say goodbye I begin to live CU what is the ego as we often say ego is easing god out easing greatness out eliminating God's Outlet cuz I'm an outlet for Hashem these are just all new acronyms of ego the one who made the word didn't know about these russan Tav but it's fine what does ego means I'm substituting Ultimate Reality with counterfeit reality now I do it that's what life is that's what a hasem means a hasem is not I'm going to start loving something that's so beyond I don't even know what you're talking about AEM means tuning in to the miracle and gratitude of this moment of me my soul being a channel for a and that's the the truth of this moment that's the truth of every moment this doesn't mean I'm not a responsible person the ego says oh you're going to talk about this too much so we should all so no laundry today no dinner today for the kids very nice cuz you're busy no it's the opposite it's showing up to life without ego it's showing up to Life as a conduit I show up much more I'm much more creative because I'm plugged into the source of creativity and that's what it means a relationship with Hashem imagine a refrigerator tells you know what as I told you once a refrigerator tells you you know what I'm enough I had enough being plugged into the wall I want to be independent do me a favor get rid of that plug pull me out I want to go on my own so you know what I did I unplugged the refrigerator you know what happened I had to call the k kadisha for the food everything was spoiled everything was rotten and the poor refrigerator had no life anymore and then the refrigerator told me ah RAB why why I didn't realize I was PL pluged in in order to channel the electricity you got it you weren't plugged in to be enslaved you were plugged in to be alive when I plug in my computer or my phone I'm not trying to limit my computer I'm trying to make it alive I'm trying to get it channeled plugging in means plugging into what plugging into to you to the source of life which is the source of all Bliss and joy that's what b means that means the more I can allow allow my ego to subside to surrender to calm down the more I can open myself up to become the best friend of my soul which is a channel and then I become a creative channel for Hashem because the ey doesn't create a doesn't interpose between me and the source the rambam says here like says when a person experiences this level of self you know sometimes people say I want to I'm searching for myself who am I I want to find me the worst thing I can do for myself is try to find it the don't take this wrongly this is not about denigrating yourself on the contrary the worst thing I can do for myself is try to find it and put it in a frame and turn it into something the greatest form of selfhood is when the self is a channel for Infinity because then the self is infinite when it's plugged in to the source of all life so my mind my heart my soul my love my creativity my warmth my passion my authenticity is just Channel Through Me It's hashem's Love hashem's passion hashem's wisdom hashem's creativity hashem's life force it's being channeled I'm a channel and then you're a channel for so the soul is in this natural state of Love of of of connection of attachment the greatest challenge is to let go of all the things that say I will fill you up in your Detachment unplug and I will give you a life and then I'm always running from one thing to another thing it's never enough you know why cuz the poor refrigerator is dead it's trying to create a counterfeit life it's very hard for to say you know what I'm done I'm done being miserable I'm done being a refrigerator that has to be its own master I'm done I'm finished like somebody once told me about somebody he's a self-made man and he worships his creator it's very hard I'm not selfmade and I will worship my Creator because when I worship my creator that means I I am an extension of the creator that relationship is nothing but Blissful now this does not mean that this no pain in life of course there's pain in life a lot of pain in life and maybe when a person experiences this level the pain actually is more acute because one actually feels intensely how light is being eclipsed in the falsehood of the world and we grieve for it we mourn for it but all this pain is in context of how much love there is and I'm not going to give up on the source of love just because I don't understand just because I don't comprehend the soul doesn't have to understand God is not an intellectual method mathematical formula the soul needs attachment connection it's like Compares himself to a little baby in the WB in the in the arms of its mother right he says one of the most powerful verses in he says I am in a state of D silence I'm like my soul is like gumel like a suckling infant being embraced by the mother you ever so I don't have to tell this to this crowd but you watch a little baby right in that calmness you know and you could see the baby just finished eating of course you're exhausted you didn't sleep already for 9 months but I'm talking now about the baby you're exhausted the baby just burped already already three times in the same hour and and and you look at the baby's eyes right and you could see a certain Serenity D who had a very hard life he was a warrior he struggled you me read to read his story had a hard life everyone who saw him wanted to kill him this kid he finally got he finally had a great wife mikal and her father decided she's going to kill her he's going to kill her so the man was a fugative his life wasn't Blissful but yet he was anchored in something he had that innocence of a little that that six-month-old baby in the arms of its mother who doesn't understand doesn't understand but has a trust that's not intellectual that's visceral that's real that's emotional for this I need a lot of self-awareness I have to be able to watch all those other voices coming up in my body that want to take me away from this and today our generation has been blessed with much more awareness in trying to help people connect to deeper parts of themselves help bypass all the wounds and coping mechanisms that don't allow me to really experience my infinite love and I know in my life I I shared this I shared with this and I'm giving an example of myself even though may not apply to many people but I simply want to give a real example I think everybody can use it in whatever your own stuff are I give a lot of classes I speak a lot unfortunately maybe my kids still want to know what I do for a living and I'd never know what to say and one of my children once during the time of Corona everything was Zoom right there was gam Zoom La so this was a very funny story so uh in my office in my house that's where I did all my zooms and uh do a lot of zooms with teenagers and and of course there a lot of zooms about teenagers right what else is there to talk about so so uh and you know sometimes I speak a little loud so my voice was going up to one of the bedrooms so when I finished one of my children came down and said t what was that about I said I was giving a a Shear so my child says about what so I said the truth about raising teenagers so this child starts laughing and they're listening to you they're listening to your advice what do you know about this it was great it was galic yes yes yeah what did you answer I listened that's I listened yeah I paused and I breathed and I listened that's the most important thing and then this child went to my wife and said Ma you won't believe what tati is doing he's talking about raising teenagers it wasn't even anger it was such a joke it was like such a mockery of reality it's like what's next you're going to talk about what it feels like being an elephant what it feels like being a star a black hole a Galaxy maybe a penguin like what's you know what's coming next like what else are you an expert in I know in I'm G I'm giving this metaphor because it's personal but I think it really bring at least brings out some of this if I'm giving a class I have to give a class I try to prepare I want to get up and say something I could do it in two ways one is I could focus so much on preparing and I need that it should be a perfect product and I need that the people should be blown away and it should be impressive and get a standing ovation and afterwards they should tell me it was a life Cher and then ah I'll have value you know the problem with this it's miserable you know why it's miserable cuz there's never a perfect class there's no such a thing even if you think it was you better I know my brain remember trauma is just waiting what to come out on there's always a in you ever saw Perfect by Mitzvah tell me you made a wedding for your daughter you worked a lot was it perfect no the napkins were the wrong color let's face it and there was not enough meat for everybody some people got chicken let's face it and one guy in the band showed up late and then he decided he forgot where the is he went to the wrong Hall he went to bur Park I don't come on say wow my daughter is married a beautiful and galic I need that to come come out that element has to attack it's miserable what if my attitude is completely different I'm not even teaching this is not about me every person needs to know what Hashem chose them for in this world my job is to show up with the tools I have today to become the channel I am capable of being today tomorrow I may acquire new CH new new tools tomorrow I may realize that the tools of yesterday were floor they were and I'll say okay and maybe I'll maybe I'll make a mistake too and I'll have to correct it but I could only show up with the tools I have today it's not me my ego at stake my personal worth at stake if my personal worth is coming because you're giving me a standing ovation you know how deep my personal worth is zero zero she zero the next time I don't get a standing ovation I'm worthless and I'm looking the whole world for validation could you give me a standing ovation oh you could great get up on the chair do me a favor it's a miserable way of life but if my ego is what's navigating myself that's what it has standing ovations validation whatever that looks like in your life I need the validation I need the compliment I need somebody to tell me I'm good and when someone criticizes me OMG no I'm not telling you that you shouldn't compliment me anymore that's not what I'm saying but there's two ways of course we like there's two ways there's receiving feedback which helps a person grow meaning realizing this is what can change this is what can be enhanced and then there's feedback that defines the self a person wants to be able to go to a state where criticism and compliments have nothing to say about who I am essentially they may tell me about what type of teacher I am where I can improve I should be speak shorter that's good feedback re of it's a recipe for everything the more but it's hard because the wounds the coping mechanism doesn't like this the coping mechanism comes in and says what do you mean but but who are you you you need you need this I don't need it when I'm divorced for my soul I need it when I'm in touch with my soul I don't need any of this why don't you need it because the very fact that I need is already a form of death the the gr once said one of the most powerful things and you have to take this with sensitivity because it's very deep he said what is entired is often a punishment called The Soul gets cut off he says what does that really mean he said two words when a person says I need it means I'm not fully Fully Alive much deeper than I need is hasem needs the real eye is completely one with the source now I know I live in a world where I need I need I need I need I I get it but that's not where my joy is coming from that's where my joy is filling a void through pursuing something else that's not intrinsic that was easy for him got to give the other guy lessons I know exactly the same D you got to give him credit but he doesn't linger I once there's a line in Tanya the balatan writes chapter 22 the gamar says that arrogance is like AAR says why is arrogance like desar I could be an arrogant person and believe in God I'm not serving idolatry so he says it doesn't arrogance is like serving a pagan statue but he says what's the Shish of all AAR what's the what's the root of AAR the RO of he says is that I believe that there's something separate from Hashem separ I believe there's something separate from hashem's on us so now I finished a class I want a compliment who needs that compliment God wants the compliment so there's an I that decided it's separate and now can you please fill me says that's the source of AAR that's the conception of and that's what me is I'm trying to bring attention to something that doesn't really exist now we might think this is a very tall order who you talking to but the truth is it's not a tall order it's a natural order this is the organic state of our soul Holiness is not something new Holiness is you You Are Holy I am We Are Holy we are infinite that's what the ram says when a person lets go when I let go and sometimes we need a lot of help with this because if I'm trained 50 years to think a certain way I'm not just going to let go unless and this is where the problem is spirituality could be another form of narcissism it's a very sensitive thing but my coping mechanism could use religion and God and spirituality to feel good about itself like now I'm going to give up my ego but I'm so angry angry whenever I give up my ego and I'm angry I did not give up my ego generally whenever I'm going to be the nicest husband in the world to my wife but I'm feeling anger this kindness there's something off because if it was really coming from the soul you're not angry about it if I'm compromising and compromising and compromising and I became the sador and I'm going straight to ganaden but I am so angry and the moment my wife says something that triggers me or my daughter or my son trigger me I implode I don't explode cuz I'm a sadic you know that so I don't explode but I implode I'm angry but I'm not going to be angry because I'm a sadic so nobody knows it not even me so I'm now repressing it but I am so passive aggressive anybody knows what I'm talking about not fooling anyone well we are we're fool we're we we are we're trying to do the right thing but we're doing it through the tools of trauma we're doing it through the tools of ego really relinquishing control is a very Blissful and liberating experience and it's not intellectual we learn I've learned I've learned these stuff my whole life I grew up with this information but there's information and there's experience it's called is visceral experience it's a completely different thing information could be detached artificial intellig intelligence knows more than any one of us Google is the biggest in history but when I see Google I don't stand up you didn't like my joke okay it's fine you understood what I said walks in I stand up Google I don't stand up the point is information is not the issue here information is the beginning and the Genesis we Jews have so much information and today especially there's so many classes about everything and it's great and it's awesome and it's a tremendous br a regular Jewish woman today is Ed ask your great-grandmother how she was educated and how you're educated we're also educated with other stuff but the point is huh she had connection yeah they were plugged in huh information not information but connection yeah yeah there's information and then there's the actual experience of it the experience of it of relin ping the need to control not as a form of suicide on the contrary as a form of life the death of ego it's a very very deep experience and it comes up in the smallest moments of the day and the night doesn't look like a colossal Victory but inside that space that's where AAS hasem lives because when this when more I'm open to that experience of the soul the soul is a channel of Hashem and Hashem is the source of T A is the infinite Bliss and again that Bliss doesn't mean that we understand everything in the world we don't we can't I am not Hashem none of us are and the pressure to be Hashem and understand Hashem makes us also miserable but I'll tell you who you are you are Mish we are a derivative of that infinite Consciousness and that infinite Consciousness just means I'm never going to unplug from the source of love in the world and when I see so much pain in the the world all it means is that the energy is being interrupted so I'm going to plug myself in much more I'm going to become a greater channel for for for gratitude for love for connection and when I need to cry I cry because I'm not crying because I don't believe in the connection I'm crying because I experience the Bliss of that connection and I want that Bliss that light to fill the world when we ask for messiah it's not like aish a Jewish Soul yearns MH what does it mean you want that this truth should fill the whole world that's what it is I want this truth should fill the whole world so says you have to understand went very very it was intense they went all the way and they went so far the soul was so in touch with infinity the Goof does have a container it's like so much electricity and the voltage was too intense they expired and says they were happy they were happy they they they knew this they said yeah we're good I'm not afraid I'm not afraid I'm only afraid of death when I'm in a place of ego when a person is the a safe what are you afraid of becoming infinite electricity is not afraid of unplugging the refrigerator do you think electricity goes crazy when you unplug the refrigerator you know what electric does say bye-bye see you later I'm going back to the source the soul is divine electricity It's Not Afraid weren't afraid why do we call it a sin we call it a sin not because they were sinful people you know there are ugly sins and there are holy sins we call it a sin because the objective of hem was de the objective of Hashem is to be able to channel the infinity into the finite the soul into the body to be able to experience this Oneness within my goof within my within my animal within the within the to create create Fusion Between Heaven and Earth so now let's come back to the story this is the story this is what happened and once we understand this perspective we see exactly what puim is really the first thing R said is a person has to be intoxicated on you know what's that supposed to mean who's not supposed to know you don't want your children to know the difference between the whole is based on there's good there's bad there's light there's Darkness there's cruelty there's kindness there's wickedness there's righteousness there's good there's bad I mean come on so people at face value say yeah Pur is just this wild day just get drunk it's exact opposite in way is not as high as P how can you say that people don't get drunk on as far as I know they take it very seriously so purm is actually a much more serious day it's so serious that we don't have to be serious Yip is such a powerful day I don't have to be serious what do mean I don't have to be serious not because it's not serious because it's much more serious it's a day of the person has a to go out of Das the person has the ability to be able to go out of the modes of trying to grasp and understand reality RAB and made a meal if they became Anri was do it mean they inebriated it says about they went into the drunk as the shal was simple alcoholics and then mha told Aon they're h than you and I really drunkers don't go into the mishk drunk they're holier than m means like we say person drinks wine Secrets come out there's inebriated I I'm a drunk does inebriated mean I lose my sense of ego my self-consciousness you see sometimes a person drinks and I'm talking about a person who's who's mature and and and spiritually refined and I let go of stuff the ultimate is the ultimate death of ego when they were sitting at the P it wasn't just alcohol on the table or wine on the table what was on the table was a flow of godliness a flow of pimus of pus a flow of the greatest secrets of TOA the experience of divine Infinity come RAB Raba stood up what mean he stood up it's not just he physically stood up rabba was elevated to a completely Transcendent space now what's the name rabba what does rabba mean rabba means large what does zra mean small why are those their names RAB Rab's vessels were so large that even with that explosion of divine Bliss his body could contain it Z from the word small when RAB when RAB stood up and lifted him up to that space it was so overwhelming it was so intense Slaughter what does the word shakat mean that's very nice addition thank you very nice it's actually nice what's What's Shak what's sh the says inly dedicated to the word doesn't mean the people who shoot an animal or stab an animal you're not louder it's called take a knife and stab the animal to death that's called it's p what's it's drawing and that's why by it's a whole different type I'm not going to get into the details here but the way is done is drawing the knife backwards and forwards it's a whole different form of of of death of the animal spiritually what is that means to draw when a person an animal why does allow if I'm eating meat or fish chicken just because I'm a glutton who's what right do I have over the life of another animal the answer is the concept of is it's drawing is to draw to draw the animal from a place of animal from the state of an animal into the state of a human being in other words when I eat the chicken or the fish or the meat or even a fruit there's a Consciousness that's necessary and that's why we make a blessing I'm taking an animal and elevating it and sublimating it MH drawing it into becoming the human being who's now one with Hashem so now the Animal becomes one and the whole world becomes one that's what a person does we are the interlacing link between Heaven and Earth if it would have said cut you think killed took a knife and stabbed him took a knife and shed him took a stick and banged him over his head says what's that mean he was he drew he drew him you can't force somebody into Bliss he drew him like he drew him into a different realm sometimes people who went on very deep spiritual Journeys emotional Journeys the person is in a different realm they're literally in a different realm all the protectors are gone all those egotistical voices are gone they're literally in a state of a higher state of consciousness and what happens re's soul is touching such profound truth his body can't contain it and literally he has not a near-death experience but an experience of death the death of ego translates in the death of body RAB who ra his are greater his vessels are greater he can integrate ITA not SOA passed away but doesn't mean it's not a metaphor it's a real story but it's not because Rabbi was a murderer or he stabbed them this was a completely spiritual transformational experience where the soul actually ascends the body I want you to take a look in the sh the last paragraph he was divested from the material it says the soul left the body because he went in with him to tremendous form of spiritual comprehension and the spiritual comprehension was so real thata Soul left his body perhaps it's Mish what it says like Bena the four people went into the orchard R AA came out and Bena died or it says about benaza he died here he says there's different vers one of them died so why does he say it doesn't mean it's not a metaphor it's literal say would wanted to slaughter them in the mid what does that mean doesn't mean he slaughtered him it's a form of death but then he says something deeper there's a food pipe and there's a wind pipe an esophagus and a tracha the K is the windpipe you're familiar how it works the K is the windpipe it's called the trach the vet is the food pipe the esophagus it's where the food goes down huh yeah when we we cut through it's called both we cut through the K and the V and that cut with the knife is what causes the the death of the animal so he says something happens very deep represents the K the wind pipe The Ear The R and H represents the V the food pipe he drew them he drew them back to the source in other words he went back spiritually to the source of M and so going back to the source of M and to the source of H what does it mean the source of H mean the source even a h down here ultimately everything comes everything comes from a source so if you take H all the way back to even you're G to find the says even H has a source so it's what does what that means practically is sometimes a person looks at themselves and they see very very lowly or horrible or or crazy or insane instincts that I'm having like like the hum and inside of me if you go to the Shish of it if you trace it all the way back to the source you'll see that there's actually something innocent that was distorted in your perception and for survival purposes I became My Own Worst ham so at that moment he lifted everything back and if Z Cale didn't contain it Z means small and that's why it say come and that's why it say sh Raba had the time of his life you know who else had the time of his lifea this was incredible the the Bliss of a uncontained is unbelievable it's as I told you take all the love in the world and bring it into one person and that's only a fraction of a fraction of the Bliss of the Soul without containers that everything we have is a filter a filter a filter nobody was alarmed nobody went crazy but Raba knew we don't want ABA there we want ABA here so the RAB said okay let me DAV it's not nea's time yet and what happens is alive wow yeah he had he had without staying there he brings him back he daved and he brings it back even if you want to say the shal self struggles right the shal says uh in other words you could say it was such a faint like a com state where it looked like the body was lifeless or perhaps and that's the literal interpretation passed away but how because of the revelation of the Divine Infinity a year passes by Raba comes to Thea and he says what do you say wow what Aus we had to touch Infinity last put him let's do it again we'll talk we'll we'll get into that place of that's what the whole drinking was about is about we'll get to that place of if that's why it says they both got intoxicated it's not about RAB is drunk It's both of them went into a place of AD let's do it againa says you know what I'm game that was the best experience of my life it Taps off everything else is like you know a play a everything else is uh huh Child's Play soundbox but there's one problem to con here's the key the said to convince once it's up there to come back down is very difficult we don't look at it that way we're not supposed to cuz our a is in this world and we cherish every moment and we do anything to save a life but once a is stripped from any form of ego it got to be C easy to go away from that again it's very hard for us to wrap our brain around that cuz please do me a favor but that's the truth of the soul and it's important for us to understand that this world is a place of challenge the Bliss the soul experiences in its Oneness with a without any limits is beyond what anyone can even understand like the says he can't even describe it the fact that says he can't describe it means he understood much more than we think than he's he's telling us he understood you know when somebody say I can't tell you what it is if you really don't know so don't tell me you can't obviously had but there's still levels and levels and levels and levels even if Al has this BL in the next World well he may have to go through the cleansing somebody somebody but that's the whole point the point is the Bliss is there it's just if I have just like in this world I can have so many layers in the next World they don't the can't deal with layers I have to go through the cleansing of removing the layers think of geh as Cosmic the most intense form of healing of of of healing where I'm spitting out all of my dysfunction it's it's painful but it's not bad it's allowing the soul to go back to its pristine Glory when we speak about the punishment of geham I don't want you to hear it in traumatic ways it's like hasem is out to get me that's not what it's about it's about the fact that there's a very serious hierarchy I am infinity and when I'm contaminating Who I Am the soul is hurt the soul need need needs to come back to itself I need to if I have the most beautiful I'm for give my example of the most beautiful suit in the world and it gets very very heavily stained I'm giving it to the cleaners not because I'm trying to punish it because it's a beautiful beautiful suit and I want to get the stains out and I want to get bring it back to its pristine glory and it's obviously not the same metaphor suit is a few hundred the soul is infinitely Priceless but you understand my point when we learn about geh all these things it's not fire and brimstone Tyrant who's just waiting to burn everybody in this in this uh what's the the Dante's uh Inferno Inferno that's not what we're talking about you know the barbecue this Grand barbecue soul is going to be tortured because you did the wrong thing not I'm not making light of it I'm actually I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm saying we should we should understand what it really is what it really is is much more powerful than the threatening uh the threatening negative form your students in the school is very important because a lot of girls I get a lot of email they grow up in schools and it's such a scary thing but the truth is when you understand what it really is it doesn't have to be scary not because it's not serious but because the truth is the most powerful thing here the truth is the moment you know what your soul really is and you befriend it you know that betraying it is a very very painful reality it's a painful reality it's not a joke it's it's it's it's very deep it's very infinite it's really good I mean just think if you have a relationship with an unbelievable person betraying that relationship is hurtful it's going to hurt take a little innocent child who trusts its parents and the parents betray this child never mind if the parents are sick and they do horrible things as you look at it that's that's horrible that's the geham the sin is worse than the geham you understand the geham is just the the the the taking out the Splinter is not the tragedy taking out the Splinter is a good thing it's the infection that that's that's the problem then taking out the Splinter is good how did I get into geham why are we talking about geh oh yeah yeah yeah very good this world can get very good very good so once a goes up it's very hard to get it down that's why Raba had to DAV the next day it didn't happen St after he landed he couldn't do it right then he himself was all the way up he just didn't die the next day he wakes up it's time to put on in it's time to it's time to get back his wife said it's garbage they take out the garbage said how is Thea doing oh Thea is in Gaden he's like whoa whoa whoa whoa we have to be [Music] here he didn't go to a therapist and say I'm the biggest murderer who ever existed he wasn't the biggest murderer he wasn't the smallest murderer he was a he D and he said this is not we want Rea Rea didn't finish his mission the world needs to be enrichment Rea comes back the next year comes to Thea my beloved friend put him is the day we can touch reality we can go on a journey without ego is galic I would love it One technical issue and that is love this year my soul may say you know what it's nicer up here what should I tell you uping and that's not what hasem wants that's what hasm wanted it would be my time it's not my time it's not what hasm it could also be that AB thought that AB worked on himself a whole year because these people were always growing so maybe now his vessels are expensive enough that he'll be able to deal with ITA said for you may be for me and that's why says that the of intoxication was canceled because he believes the story actually happened and yet most authorities did not cancel the because they were not afraid of a Jew getting drunk on and killing somebody they understood that the story is of a completely different state and I'll just conclude when the Reb said this explanation he told the story about the ma it's a fascinating story about the ma remember he said this is 1984 he said the ma the then I think he got sick then he passed away a few months later could that's why he mentioned them but anyway one of the the M name was he passed away 1920 1920 he's known as the anybody from M the he was the first Reba of the muds Dynasty he had to go through a surgery in 1913 in Berlin they didn't have then of course the medicine and the anesthesia and the tools they have today it was a very serious surgery but they told them that they can't do it because they don't think his body will be able to handle the stress and the pain so the said he's going to compose a n you know muds has a tremendous gift for n for Melodies remember the said a tremendous music so he's going to compose a song He's going to sing it on this on the operating bed and when they see that he's completely immersed in the song they should start the surgery and the MJB composed the song and the song The Reb didn't say the didn't say which song but M they say it was a it has 32 stanzas in MJ they sing it only on his yard side and I think him in MJ they sing the song very rarely and they did the surgery and it he was successful in fact he lived almost another decade afterwards what does this mean however we explain it but this was a person who had that ability to go literally on a journey yes beautiful talking about music could you can even put on AA esara but you're going to have to sit for an hour yeah a es he need it had to be as long as the surgery remember imagine this was literally this is what you call the death of ego the death of ego means he went into the point that he wasn't having physical Sensations another story he said was the AL was learning with the son of the mag and when they finished they saw the AL eating a bagel with butter so why you eating a bagel with butter he said after the shear he felt he's going to have his soul is going to expire so he needed this food not just a b a bagel with butter to hold him down so why didn't have was called he was an angel he was transcend in place like but felt he needed a bagel with his was integration what do we learn from this what's the conclusion here wow it's pretty late that purm gives a person the ability to get closer each of us on our own level of course to this space of where a person can truly live viscerally from a space where it's not my falseness that governs not my externality that governs but rather the deepest part of the self which is which is always one with the source of all Bliss and Truth have a wonderful week