Parshas Vayeishev: When Your Family is Getting Destroyed, What Do You Hold on To?

Today's class is dedicated by Joshua Greenberg in loving memory and the ill nishmas Reb Dovid ben Yehoshua of blessed memory who inspired others to become wellsprings spreading Torah, Yiddishkeit, Ahavas Hashem, Ahavas Yisrael, Chasidus outward. Tehei nishmaso tzerura betzeror hachaim. And thank you very very much. I also want to dedicate this class to another very special young man who I had the privilege of knowing and whose mother and grandmother grandmothers have come here many very often. And that was you probably heard about the plane accident last Thursday in which Yankel Friedman was killed. Yaakov Yisrael ben Reb Shmuel Benjamin Zeev Friedman. His father is Sammy, his mother comes here every almost every week. Bayla Friedman and his grandmother came also for many years. And the other grandmother came also quite a few times. And I had the privilege of knowing Yankel. He was only 32 years old. And uh one of the sweetest people I've met. A heart really truly sensitive and warm and sweet. And he loved flying as a hobby. And uh sadly and horrifically he was killed in that accident Thursday last Thursday's funeral was Friday here. And then his uh body was taken to the holy land where some of the family sitting shiva in Israel. So first of all I want to express, I know there's no words, you know, these tragedies are really unfathomable and there's no words, but I do want to express to both his mother and father and all of his siblings and the grandparents and the entire family our deepest deepest heartfelt condolences on behalf of the whole sheer and the whole class. Hamakom yenachem eschem betoch shaar aveilei Tzion viYerushalayim. Amen. Hashem give you the strength and the vigor and the strength and the courage that you need during this very very difficult error. And may the sweetness of his beautiful soul and the depth of his beautiful soul always remain with you and remain with us and be a continuous source of love and sweetness and dedication and inspiration and empowerment. And we are all me and I think all of us are so so so sorry for this uh terrible terrible loss. You'll forgive my voice. I'm dealing with a parched voice. You'll forgive me. I hope you'll be able to hear clearly. Sometimes we learn things as children and uh you know what you learn as a child usually stays with you. And we have a certain perception of it and we remain with that perception. And it's very special when in life, as we continue to grow, everyone according to their pace and capacity and their life experiences, we can go and revisit some of those truths that we experienced as children and see the full depth and glory of it. And that's what we want to address today. We're going to be learning a Rashi. It's a very very famous Rashi. It's a Rashi written in the beginning of Parshas Vayeishev. We learn it. Everybody learns it. Everybody who learns Chumash and Rashi, which means probably all or most Jewish schools that can be called Jewish schools. And at the first glance, it raises so many questions and it really could seem very very disturbing. Today be as it is Hashem we want to revisit this from a much deeper perspective. So, let's see. The opening of Parshas Vayeishev, let's remember the context. Yaakov Avinu has escaped the wrath of his brother Esau. Esau wanted to kill Yaakov after Yaakov dressed up like him, camouflaged himself as Esau and took the blessings that Yitzchak reserved for Esau. Esau has a tremendous animosity to Yaakov and he says, "I'm going to kill him." Rivka asks Yaakov to flee and move away to a different country, a different zip code, a different region where he will also be able to get married. And of course, Yaakov begins a journey. He leaves his parents' home in Beersheba. Vayetzei Yaakov Mibeer Sheva in the south of Eretz Yisrael, what we call today the Negev. Then it was also called the Negev, the south of the holy land. And he goes northeast to what we call today uh northern northern southern Turkey, northern Iraq, which is the place of Haran. Haran, and that's where his uncle Laban lives. And we all know the story. He stays there for 20 years. During those 20 years a lot happens. He marries Leah. He marries Rachel. Marries Bilhah, Zilpah. He has 11 of his 12 sons are born over there, including Dinah, his daughter. And then begins a journey back home from Mesopotamia, from Haran, from Turkey or Iraq, Bavel, Turkey, back to the holy land. He comes back to live with his father Yitzchak, who's living in Hebron. And Rivka passes away before it's before Yaakov makes it back. He's 2 years journeying on the road. So, finally after 2 years, which means a summation of 22 years, he comes back to Hebron and the family resettles in the Holy Land. And that's the backdrop until Parshas Vayeishev. During the journey back, lots happens. I mean, there's the meeting with Esau and the reconciliation with Esau. There's the mysterious fight in the middle of the night. There's Rachel's death. There's Benjamin's birth. There was, of course, Dinah's abduction and violation in Shechem. There's the war of Simeon and Levi against Shechem. These are all the stories on the way back. But, Parshas Vayeishev begins a new chapter. And we would expect that here, finally, we're going to experience a little serenity. And that's how the possuk begins. It begins with such an innocent depiction of what feels like an ear and an aura of tranquility. The parsha begins, this is Bereishis perek lamed zayin, Genesis chapter 37, Vayeishev Yaakov be'eretz megurei aviv be'eretz Kenaan. Jacob settled in the land, in the region where his father Yitzchak lived, in the land of Kenaan. Great. He settles. He's there with his children. He's there with Rachel passed away, but Leah, of course, is alive. Bilhah is alive. Zilpah is alive. The children are alive. Yitzchak are alive. So, we now we begin a new chapter. But, soon afterwards, already the second possuk, the third possuk, we hear about tension and contention. We learn that Yosef at this point is 17 years old. The other brothers are a few years older than most of them were born before him. And he is shepherding with his brothers in the flock. And yet, the brothers cannot seem to get along as the Torah says, "Vayisnu oso." They loathe Yosef. They can't speak to him peacefully. Yosef began begins to have his dreams, one dream and another dream representing the truth that he says they're going to bow down to him. They hate him even more. Yaakov gets upset at him. And we know the rest of the story. Ultimately, one day he visits them in Shechem and they decide to kill him. Then Reuven says, "Throw him into a pit." They throw him into a pit. And then Yehuda says, "What's the point of keeping him in a pit? Let's sell him." They sell him as a slave to Yishmaelites who are descending down to Egypt and he's sold to a man in Egypt named Potiphar. He runs his entire household very, very successful. There, Potiphar's wife takes a liking to him and tries to seduce him. Yosef refuses and one day has to escape the house. She accuses him of being the promiscuous one and has him thrown into a prison in Egypt. In that prison, one day he will meet Pharaoh's butler and baker who were also cast into prison because of their sins to the king. That's where they have dreams. Yosef interprets their dreams. His interpretations come true. So, years later when Pharaoh has a dream, the butler who has been freed in the meantime tells him about Yosef's tremendous capacity to interpret dreams. Yosef is summoned. Pharaoh is blown away by his wisdom and of course the end of the story is he nominates him as the prime minister of Egypt, right? Less likely that Yosef would become the prime minister of Egypt than lehavdil Donald Trump becoming the president of the United States of America, which was also pretty unlikely. Not the first time and certainly not the second time. But we know the world runs in ways that are very, very mysterious, right? So, here the fact that this 17-year-old Jewish slave who ended up in one prison and another prison, abducted and cast away by his family, ends up to become the second to the most powerful person in the world because Paro was the king of Egypt, which was the superpower of the time. It was the economic and scientific super and cultural superpower of the time. And Joseph is right under him. He's the viceroy. He's running the show. He's the mission of the malach. This was unique. And of course, the end of the story is that there is a tremendous hunger and the family comes down to get food. And after 22 years of Joseph separation, the family meets up again. Joseph reveals his identity to them and Jacob moves down to Egypt and they relocate to Egypt. That's basically, very brief, the very intense dramatic story. But it starts off with the words Vayeshev Yakov over there. So, let's see Rashi. Rashi is disturbed. Why does the Torah have to say Vayeshev Yakov? Yakov settled in Chevron. It already says earlier that Yakov came back there to say He came to Yitzchak. He came to Chevron, Kiryat Arba. It already says that Yakov arrived there. You could already start the story. So, Rashi says, "No. Vayeshev Yakov is saying something special. The word Vayeshev sounds serene cuz that's exactly what we're trying to say." Says Rashi, the second paragraph, you'll see it in English. V'oid nidrash boi. Another way of explaining the word Vayeshev, we're not just saying technically Yakov sat down there. He sat, he stood. We're not even saying he settled. That already says earlier. Actually, the word is Vayeshev which comes from the word hisyasvus. What does the word hisyasvus mean? It's not just settling physically, it's settling down emotionally. You say this person has hisyasvus means the person is settled. The person is calm. Hisyasvus is a state of mind that represents an inner tranquility. When there's like an inner uh when you're like Right. You should like you should have a dash, exactly. The mindset is settled. So, Rashi says, "Bikash Yaakov leishuv beshalva." Vayeishev Yaakov is really talking about a quest. Yaakov wished to live beshalva, in tranquility. Kafatz alav rugzo shel Yosef. But, the troubles, the anguish around Yosef erupted on him. Kafatz alav means it leaped on him. Like kfitza, it jumped on him. Like out of the blue. Rugzo shel Yosef, all the rigors, all the pain and confusion and anguish of Yosef, who Yaakov felt was actually killed because they sent him a tunic with blood after they threw him into the pit and they sold him, they took his tunic. They dipped it in the blood of a goat, they sent it to Yaakov and Yaakov thought that he was devoured by a wild beast, and that's why his tunic is so bloody, and he was mauled to death. And therefore, Yaakov went into grief and mourning. This all happens in Vayeishev. So, Yaakov wanted to live in tranquility. Bikash Yaakov leishuv beshalva. He wants Vayeishev. He's had a hard life, remember? Yaakov Avinu dealt with his brother Esau, he dealt with his brother with his uncle Laban, both very, very difficult characters. Laban deceived him a hundred times, and it was his father-in-law, too. So, it's even harder, it's in the family. And then he had to deal with what happened to Dinah, was a horrible story. And then what happened to Rachel, Rachel died during childbirth. Rachel was the his beloved wife. That was another horrific story. There was the story of Shimon and Levi who killed out Shechem that Yaakov was very upset about. There was a story of Reuven who went and interfered in the bedroom of Yaakov Avinu, as the Torah says. There was the story of Shimon and Levi. So, there's the a of Reuven. This is all till now. So, he already had the what you call in Yiddish tzaros, nach tzaros, nach tzaros. He had a lot of challenges. Finally, bikesh Yaakov leshev beshalva, he wants serenity. What happens? Kofetz alav rugzo shel Yosef. It's like, "No way." Right away, rugzo shel Yosef, a whole new challenge, even deeper than all of the other challenges because of his unique relationship with Yosef. And Rashi continues, tzaddikim mevakshim leshev beshalva, tzaddikim want to live in tranquility. Amar Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Hashem says, lo dayam letzaddikim mashamushkan l'olam haba, ela shemevakshim leshev b'olam hazeh b'olam hazeh. It's not enough for the tzaddikim what has been prepared for them in the world to come, they also want to live in tranquility in this world. That's the end of the Rashi. At first glance, people learn it as a terrible criticism of Hashem on tzaddikim. And the question is, what's the crime? Isn't that what every father and mother would want for their children? It's like you imagine your child comes to you and says, "Mommy, I would love to have a life of tranquility." Bubala, that's the wish. I wish you could have a life of tranquility. That's the craving of every healthy, normal parent or friend. It seems like almost this quest of Yaakov Avinu to live in tranquility is some terrible, terrible sin. Bikesh Yaakov leshev beshalva, and like, "Oh, no. Oh, no. Kofetz alav rugzo shel Yosef." What would happen? So, bikesh Yaakov leshev beshalva. Is that a bad thing? Not only that, he says this is a thing of with tzaddikim. It's like tzaddikim have this thing, they want tranquility. So, on hand, you're calling them tzaddikim. You're calling them tzaddikim, that means you're talking about righteous people. You're calling them tzaddik. The same Rashi calls them tzaddikim. And you're saying this is the common practice of tzaddikim. So, there's like an inherent paradox here. On the one hand, it seems like there's a critique here against them. On the other hand, you're saying this is what tzaddikim do. If this is what tzaddikim do, it's probably what tzaddikim should be doing. So, what exactly is the message here? So, first of all, what was the problem that Yaakov wants to have tranquility? And it seems almost like a cruel response. It's like, "I'll show you. You think you had challenges before? What happened before was garnished. That was cheesecake relative to what's going to happen now. That was a sweet cinnamon bun. Look what's coming. Rugzish l'Yosef. It almost I don't want to use the word, but if it was in another context, you would use the word sadistic. Or or cruel or very uh very uh What's the word I'm looking for? Uh Huh? If very extreme, lacking sensitivity. And if they cover to love, it like jumps on him. W- What What What did he ask for? Because Yaakov asked for shalom. But then we see after that, the second thing that it this is a common practice of tzaddikim. Which means if it's a common practice of tzaddikim, it's probably not a wrong thing. Cuz why would tzaddikim commonly and everybody do a wrong thing? And yet, what does he say? That tzaddikim want to live in tranquility, and God says it's not enough. What they have in Olam Haba, they're looking for shalva also in Olam Hazeh. I'm sorry. I didn't hear what. Rugzai? Rugzai means literally anger, but here it means turbulence. Or troubles. The word the regez is beregez could mean anger, but generally it means troubles, anguish, uh being overwhelmed, confusion. So, rugzish l'Yosef are all the all the agony that came with Joseph what happened with Joseph. Today, by Hashem, we want to delve deeper into the statement of Rashi. It's really much much deeper than we can imagine. But, in order to to appreciate this, there's another very interesting question that we should focus on. We know that the names in Hebrew, names in Kodesh, in the holy tongue are very very significant. Adam Rishon, the first human being, names all of the animals. And the Midrash says that this was the proof that Hashem used to show his superior wisdom to angels. What's the big deal about naming things? Choose a name, camel, ox, lion, bear, cat, snake. I mean, what's the significance of it? The answer is we have to understand what a name is in the holy tongue. A name in the holy language is not incidental. You call this a table, you call this a bottle, you call this a tissue box, you call this a telephone, you call this a mic. And if tomorrow Webster decides to flip names, okay. I mean, it's probably not logical to do once people are used to something, but it's not going to fundamentally alter the state of the universe. In Kodesh, names are very very different. And I want you to take a look at the third source. This is from the Tanya, Shaar HaYichud VehaEmunah, Perek Aleph. The Tanya, the Portal of Unity and Faith. He says, The whole of the world, everything created in the world, Hashem created them in the Kodesh. The names with which we call them in the holy tongue, they are letters of speech that come down from level to level from the ten utterances of the Torah. They are actually letters that contain divine energy that evolve from the 10 utterances in Bereshit through which the whole world was created. The name that's given in the holy language who keili is a vessel is a container to the energy that is condensed and channeled through the letters of this name. Which means as follows. The letters in the Hebrew alphabet are not just technical letters. Aleph Each letter is a channel for divine energy. So the fact that mayim is called mem yud mem is very significant. Because the chemistry of mayim of water is made up from the divine energy that is channeled through the letter mem through the letter yud and through the letter mem. It may also be connected to the fact that a molecule of water is made up of two atoms of hydrogen and one atom of oxygen. So two atoms of hydrogen is mem and mem. One atom of oxygen is yud. So it's mem yud mem. The chemistry of fire is channeled through the letters aleph shin esh. A donkey has a unique DNA that makes it a donkey. That energy comes through ches mem vav resh chamor or shor an ox or kelev a dog or aryeh a lion. The same is true Adam. The name of the human being is Adam cuz the DNA of Adam the chemistry of a human being is channeled through these letters aleph dalet mem. Now within each person itself you have a difference. That's the unique name of every person. That's why the Arizal says that parents have ruach hakodesh they have a divine inspiration when they name their children. So sometimes parents think they're making all these types of calculations and they are. But the Arizal says don't take yourself that seriously. There's a whole other There's There's There's a higher reality that sometimes puts thoughts into your head. Don't worry about it. Now, the truth is a person has a right to change their own name later. Some people do that. A person has that right. But, generally, the result says that names are with because they're very significant. That's why when somebody is ill, God forbid, they'll sometimes add a name. What's the point? Because you're opening up a new channel of energy, because a name is connected to the to the life force of this particular thing. That's why the Gamorah says in that Rabbi Meir was very meticulous about people's names. He would hear a name and sometimes he he had a certain attitude towards the person based on the name. It's not that the person doesn't have agency, but names have a lot of significance. And that's why we expound on names, we delve into names. So, here we're learning something, that when something has a name, the name actually captures the spiritual chemistry and essence and substance of the thing that has that name. That's why it took a lot of wisdom from Adam to name the animals. He had to see the inner life force of every single creature before he could give a name. This doesn't exist in other languages. This is unique to Kadish. The same is true with Parshas. Every Parsha has a name. We usually think that the name is based on the first few words. So, is called because it begins with it. is called because because it begins with the word it. is called because the second word is so it seems like almost technical. But, when you look into it, you see that it's not so simple. For example, the is named which is only the third word in the it. It says it. is called because it is named it. And it's the second word. It says it. Really, should have been named and should have been named because comes first. Should have gotten the second word and tell this should got the third word. You don't want to have two parshas with the same name, I understand. The answer is because the names, like we're learning here, are connected to the theme of the parsha. So, a name is not just it's the first word. It may also be the first word or the second word or the third word or the fourth word. Like Bereshit or Noach is the third word or Lech Lecha Vayomer Hashem el Avram Lech, it's the fifth and sixth word. Right? It could have also been named Avram. It's not, it's named Lech Lecha. It's a very interesting. Etc. So, Chayei Sarah is Chayei Sarah. If that's the case, let's think about this. What's the name of this parsha? Vayeishev. What does Vayeishev mean? He settled. Rashi says, he wanted to be tranquil. He wanted to be calm. What's the theme of the entire parsha? This is probably the most unsettling, pun intended, the most unsettling parsha in the whole Chumash. Till today, when I read Vayeishev, ich sitz noch auf shpilkes. I You know what that How do you say in English "muss ich sitz auf shpilkes"? I don't know. Sit on needles? You're on edge. Even though I read Vayeishev last year and I learned it the year before. I learned Vayeishev many, many times. And I taught it and I spoke about it, but every year I come back to Vayeishev and I'm still on edge. Are they really going to do it? Yeah. Tell you a cute story the Lubavitcher Rebbe once said it off of bringing it when he was a kid in Ukraine. So, he said he had a classmate in cheder. They were little kids. And Friday, the teacher would learn parshas hashavua. And he said this kid happened to have a very good memory. And he was very sensitive. So, one year they were learning Vayeishev, Friday, and they got to the story of Yosef approaching the brothers, who of course plotted to kill him. And when he comes, they take off his tunic, they throw him into the pit, into the cistern. So, the Lubavitcher Rebbe says, "This kid, my classmate, screams out." He says, "Yosef, Yosef, hast gesehen was ihm getan letztes Jahr? GEHEN NICHT, GEHEN NICHT." "YOSEF, you saw what they did TO YOU LAST YEAR. DON'T GO. DON'T GO, YOSEF." And Yosef didn't listen to this kid. Yosef continued to go. And of course, they throw him into the pit. So, the kid gives a scream. He says, "Yosef, sag kum dir. Sag kum dir. Es ist dein Schuld. Ich habe gesagt nicht gehen." "Yosef, it's your fault. I told you not to go. You didn't listen. So, this is what happens when you don't listen." You know, he actually told the story. He was talking about the leadership of Israel not learning from mistakes. "You went that path. You went that path. You appeased. You gave back. You saw what you got for it. Rivers and rivers and rivers of blood. Why are you going back?" That's why he told the story. But but for you know, for this child but it was also for this child who was alive. It was visceral. There's no parsha that says unsettling. It's so tragic. It's so confusing. And it goes into confusion after confusion because afterwards is all the story with Yehudah who also leaves his brothers. His brothers ban him. They send him away. They're upset at him. And now, he has to go find his identity. And of course, he marries a woman and she dies and he has three He marries a woman and he has three sons and she dies. And there's all the story with Yehudah and Tamar and then back to Yosef. And yet, what's the name of all of this? Vayeishev. What does Vayeishev mean? Ruhig. Gelassen. You know what Gelassen means? Calm. Ruhig. Tranquil. If a name captures the chemistry and the essence, this is pretty far-fetched for a name. So, I'm going to share with you an insight on this Rashi that I had myself the privilege of hearing from the Lubavitcher Rebbe when I was a young bocher. This is the year tough shin mem vov. That's the end of 1985. On Shabbos Parshas Vayeishev. Vayishlach and then Vayeishev. And I'll tell you, I heard it then. I saw the emotions with which it was said. And even though I was how old was I? I don't mind saying my age, it's fine. I'm still a baby. It's good. Hopefully I'll always be a baby. I think I was 14 years old, somewhere in that zip code. Not very old, let's put it that way. I saw the emotions, I felt them. It was very emotional when he said it. And it stuck with me. But I have to say, you know, the Gemara says that it takes 40 years sometimes to understand what your teacher says. It takes literally 40 years. So today is almost 40 years later. This is '85, so it's almost literally, yeah, mamash, all right, no no, it's all right. Oh, wow. Mamash 40 years later. 39 years later, almost 40 years. This was the end of '85. The end tough shin mem vov, the end of 1985, but 5746. Today, I guess with life experience, with uh trying to become a little more mature, I think I understand it. I'm not going to say I understand it, but I think I understand more of it. And uh it's a perspective that for me is a life changer when you really can internalize it. Not easy, quite challenging, quite vulnerable, quite deep, and very, very emotional. But if one can really internalize this as I tried to, it's literally a game changer in life. And the Rebbe said we are misunderstanding this Rashi. And we are attributing to Hashem a type of strange cruelty, which is very natural because when people I'm saying this when people have trauma and life is hard and galus has been very very long Jews have been in exile for 2,000 years. The other day I was in the tent davening this is in a parenthesis. I was it was after davening and there was somebody in one of the tents here and he was spewing spewing hatred on Israel and especially that they're going in the Gaza to kill Hamas and they're killing innocent people and uh whatever. I told him what I told him. And then somebody turns to me and he said, "I want to tell you something Rabbi Jacobson. The Jewish people have been 2,000 years in exile. He says they are so wounded yet the kehilla hot der echt is ein bisl meshuga. Every single community contains the right to be a little insane. He says if you find a few normal people that's a big big chiddish. So the truth is that sometimes there are paradigms that are so entrenched in us because life is not easy. And it takes a lot of avodah to be able to reprogram yourself or what they call in neuroscience to carve out new neural pathways. You know we have neural pathways. They're literally pathways that we develop when we're young very very young that respond to life. Yeah. It's like you go on the same road home every single day. You don't have to think about it. It's just your brain knows this is the road. Now you want to create a new road. I used to live on a street called Fieldcrest when I came to Monsey. Then I moved to a street called Jaycourt but I was in Fieldcrest for a few years. So after we moved to Jaycourt I forgot. So I go into the car and I'm going home and I didn't think my brain took me to Fieldcrest. It got even more exciting. I got out of the car. I saw the door of my house seven Fieldcrest. I opened the door to greet my wife and my kids and do whatever I want to do in my own house. And then came the shock when I saw, "Hey, do I not recognize my wife anymore?" There was another woman in the kitchen. So, I apologized and I smiled and I went back home. And I realized baruch Hashem, I do recognize my wife. I am not senile. Thank God. So, now, with coming to the wrong home, it gets funny. It you know, it could be funny. I didn't do it again. I learned my lesson. Every time I got into the car, I was like, "Where do you live? Where do you live?" Don't be absent-minded. Presence, presence, presence. Jaycord, Jaycord, Jaycord. Okay. I finally learned it. It took a few years. But the truth is all of life is that way. We develop neural pathways of how to journey, right? My kid may say something to me, my neural pathway already tells me what emotion to develop, how to be triggered, how to respond. My wife tells me something, this one tells me something. And it takes a lot of awareness to be able to look at those neural pathways and say, "We're going to take a new road today. We're going to go off the beaten track." And the brain doesn't like it. It's like, "No, no, no, no, no. This is your highway. We It's predictable. We know the traffic. We know how fast to go. This is the way. This is safe." But in life, it takes courage, but also it's liberating when we can develop new neural pathways. And sometimes you have to do something 60 times, you know, again and again until the brain identifies, "I think this guy wants a new highway." After 60 times, the brain says, "Okay, we'll develop a highway. We'll develop a path." It's malleable. It There's a lot of what's called neuroplasticity. But we have to be able to do it. The same is true when it comes to our relationship with Hashem, which is really everything. Our relationship with ourselves, a relationship with life. Sometimes at the core of my relationship, there could be such doom and such despair that I don't even recognize it. Everything revolves around that. My Rosh Hashanah, my Yom Kippur, my Elul, my teshuvah, my cheshbon hanefesh, my good deeds, my tzedakah, my davening, my mitzvahs, my maasim tovim, my Shabbos tables. It's built on a foundation that is really very, very negative or very, very scary. And it's normal. It's very normal. This is a normal product of a lot of years of many people suffering. It's not to judge anybody or anything. And this is a classic example. And in that talk of the Rebbe that I heard that Shabbos, it was like a paradigm shift of seeing the entire Rashi differently. And he said as follows, we learn the Rashi, we say, "Bikkesh Yaakov leyshev b'shalva. Yaakov wanted to be tranquil." Hashem said, "No, no, no, no, no." "My world suffering. Kofetz al avneiha shel Yaakov. I will show you. Don't ask for these things here." And like you're wondering, right? If your child came to you and says, "Mommy, I would love to have a little tranquility." Oh, no, no, not in this house. And not only do I say no, you could say no. Say no. It's not the time for tranquility. We're going to make it worse. What's the Why make it worse? Okay. We won't have special tranquility, but now it has to be even worse than before. Worse than Lavan? Worse than Esau? Cuz remember, the tragedy with Yaakov with Yosef was unparalleled. Lavan and Esau were outside of the family. This was discord inside of the family and his beloved son who disappeared and he thought for 22 years that he was killed. What Rashi is saying is the exact opposite. Bikkesh Yaakov leyshev b'shalva. Yaakov wanted to live in tranquility. That's what he wanted. So, Hashem said, "Okay. That's what you want. Kofetz al love Ruxin Joseph. The story of Joseph wasn't to destroy Jacob's tranquility. It was to be able to bring Jacob to the true state of tranquility that he really desired. So this wasn't a response in spite of Jacob. You want to be serene? No, no, no, not on my timetable, not on this lifetime. It's the opposite. Comfort to love Ruxin Joseph was actually the beginning of the execution and implementation of BK Jacob Bashar. That's why comfort of Ruxin Joseph. Now you're looking at me like, what are you talking about? I mean, I've heard of other things that are a little more serene than this happening with Joseph. So for this we really need to understand what really happened there. When we speak about serenity, what does serenity even really mean? What does shower mean? Shower means a peace, right? Inner peace. You see there's two types of serenity. There's a serenity that looks good to the world. You all know what that means. The pictures for the pictures it looks good. For the pictures it looks good. I remember there was a father who once called me about a marriage with his daughter with a guy that wasn't working out. It was very difficult. So I said, I'm sorry if I can ask this question, but you knew about this before. So why did you go along with it? And he says I don't know. It just it was nice to get married to that family. I said what? Marriage is two families or it's two souls that have that live with each other for their whole life. Families is for Shiva brachos. It's seven days with pictures. He says, "You're right. You're right, but it it was it looked good. For my family it was very good to be married with such a family." Okay, so this is a radical, extreme case of people who are completely out of touch with reality and their children. But even in a more subtle and sophisticated way, there's two type There's two types of shalva. There's a serenity that looks good. You know, everybody's at a Hanukkah party. Everybody smiles for the picture. The family is apparently whole. It's It looks good. And we sometimes like when things look good, you know? There's two types of schools. I always say there's two types of yeshivas. There's two types of classrooms. Sometimes you come into a classroom, everybody is well-behaved. It's like this perfect school. What's happening in the heart of each child? You don't know. They learn. Here, you behave, and if not, the consequences are very severe. Sometimes you come into other schools where you look at the classroom, it could seem chaotic, but it's the opposite. It's actually a place of realness, of authenticity, of healing. Because truth never looks perfectly organized. You know, I always say a portrait on the wall is going to be perfect, right? You buy the most expensive portrait, the person is always smiling, right? Buy a portrait of some He's always smiling on the wall, and it's beautiful. May cost you a million I don't know how much it cost if you buy a crazy Van Gogh, maybe $20 million. A Picasso, a Raphael, a Rembrandt, $35 million. And or a cheaper portrait or painting, but the person is always smiling. Real life is not like that. A portrait is not real life. It's nice to have in the din- dining room, in the living room, in the saloon, but real life, a person is not always smiling. So sometimes you look at this classroom, yeah, it's not completely organized, but there's attentiveness to each person. You know, the heartbeat is constantly in motion. We exhale and inhale the circulation of the blood is constantly in motion. It's not always static in the same thing. So sometimes there's shalva on the outside. People come and say, "Psh, a zamish bacha, such a family. Wow, such a good shidduch." But deep on the inside there's there are infections that are festering. That's a good word, no? Infections that are festering. I don't mean physical infections, I mean emotional infections. They don't explode today, but they're going to explode one day. And sometimes people make the very profound mistake of ignoring those. So that we have a band-aid, we took Tylenol, everything looks good, and the world praises our accolades. You know, sometimes people make the mistake of putting their children into the wrong schools or the wrong environments. Why? It should look good for 60 seconds. Mistake. Life is not about looking good for anybody. That's not what life is. Life is about truth, authenticity, full presence. Life is about showing up and being in the flow with the divine energy that is cruising through you and each of your loved ones. What happened in that family? B'eikev Yaakov leishev b'shalva, but one second. Now we're talking here of course about very holy people, the shvatim were tzaddikim, so we always have to talk about it with a lot of respect and reverence, but I'm really applying this to each and every one of us. At the surface they were in Chevron and Yaakov had this most amazing family, and let's face it, Avraham Avinu had Yishmael who was OTD. You know what that means, right? He left Yiddishkeit. Yitzchak had a son Eisav who left Yitzchak. Yaakov had a miracle, 12 boys who all keep Shabbos. Is that good or what? Avram didn't do it with two. Yitzchak didn't do it with two. And Yaakov did it with 12. That's pretty powerful. The Gemara says mitaso shleima. His bed was wholesome, meaning every one of the children was an achsah. And that was incredible. But deep down there was a lot of misunderstanding in this family. There was a lot of mistrust. The Torah says clearly, "Va yisneu Eisav." It says three times that the brothers hated Yosef. They couldn't speak to them peacefully. They were jealous. Yosef spoke bad about them. They loathed him. They despised him. And however we want to understand what was the conflict, what was the contention, obviously you're talking about serious people and high-level people. So you're talking about very deep serious conflict. But there was a very powerful conflict there. So the serenity at the surface was really camouflaged. It didn't capture the truth. Bikash Yaakov leshev b'shalva. Kafatz alav rugzo shel Yosef. What happened was the infection stopped festering subconsciously. They stopped consuming the family in a hidden way. They exploded. They came out. And they came out in a very, very powerful way. And a very complex journey happened. And heaven knows how complex this journey was. You can cry when you read it every year again and again and again. Even if you don't agree with that child in Ukraine who said, "Yosef, don't go again." Yosef is thrown into a pit by his own brothers. He's sold as a slave. He ends up as a slave in a foreign country. And then he's accused of something he didn't do. He ends up in prison. But there's a journey here. Yosef finds himself in a completely new way. Yehuda goes to find himself in a completely new way. And after 22 years, the family is ready for reconciliation. And this is not easy. Yosef puts his brothers through a crucible. He tests them as we spoke in previous years. The whole thing of what Yosef does with them, he accuses them of espionage. He forces them to bring back Benjamin. He gives Benjamin extra gifts and then claims that Benjamin is a thief and has to remain as a slave. This wasn't just Yosef torturing his brothers. This was Yosef psychologically scrutinizing where his brothers are emotionally. When he accuses them of espionage, he hears them regretting what they did to him 22 years ago, 21 years ago. And they said, "We're guilty cuz we were deaf to the cry of our brothers." When he asks them to bring back Benjamin to Egypt if they want more food, he knows that they're going to have to guarantee Yakov that they're going to protect Benjamin. Unlike what they did to Yosef, they didn't protect Yosef. And he knows when he gives Benjamin extra gifts and he accuses him of being a thief and wants him to be a slave, they're now going to be tested. What are they going to do for this Benjamin, for Yosef's brother? And of course Yehuda says, "I'm going to remain a slave and let Benjamin go back to his father." So Yosef really looked at three things. He saw if they regretted what they did. Number two, did they commit that the future would be different? They did because they said that with Benjamin we're going to protect him. And number three, he put him in the same state and they did it differently. The neural pathways have been changed. The behavior has been changed. Now, the family is ripe for reconciliation. When Yosef says, "I am Yosef, your brother." People say, "Why didn't he send the message to his father earlier?" 22 years you're the prime minister. Send a telegram. There's no telegrams at the time. Send a WhatsApp. There was no WhatsApp at the time. Send a messenger with a donkey to your father. The answer is he could have sent a message. What would have happened? What would have happened is they would have made a huge feast. Everybody would come. They would hug each other, take pictures. But Yosef knew that the infection was not healed. We could make it look good. There'll be stories in the newspapers. There'll be headlines in the magazines. Everybody will say, "Psh, psh, unbelievable." But deep down, this family is not healed. There is still toxicity relative to their level. There is still emotional alienation. Only after everybody goes on a very intense journey of healing. And not an easy one, a very intense journey. Yosef on his journey, Yehuda on his journey, the brothers on their journey, Yakov on his journey. One day, they can come together. And Yakov in Egypt experiences not a serenity that is based on a superficial standard. But he experiences shalva in the deepest part of the soul where he could look back and say, "Ah, aha. Real healing happened." That's a different type, a completely different type of shalva. I want to speak about for a moment about our own lives, how this applies to our own lives. I think if you'll ask any normal person, "What do you want in your life?" And people say, "I want menuchas hanefesh, menuchas haguf. I want shalva. I want tranquility. I want serenity. I want calmness. I want to have satisfaction. I want to have joy. I want to have simcha sacha'im. And to say that it's a bad thing to ask for such a thing seems ludicrous. Why is it a bad thing? It's what you want for your loved ones. And it's what you want for yourself. And if you are the creator of somebody and you love them infinitely, isn't that what you would want for your creation? Vayar Elohim es kol asher asah v'hinei tov me'od. What I want to create you in love so that you should suffer and I should say, "Ah." And you say, "Stop the suffering." Oh, let's give you a little more suffering. Could you stop now? Oh, little more. Like, really? So, we really have a dream. Everybody has a dream called Vayeishev. It's a dream. And the dream is Bikesh Yaakov leishev b'shalvah. But so often in life that dream does not come to be. Certainly not in the way we expect it. I wrote to somebody yesterday as I was reflecting on this class. I just want to quote it to you. I don't know, it just came into me. When your family is getting destroyed what do you hold on to? Suddenly, what often happens in people's lives is it's like in a house, you know, you thought you were living in this perfect house. You know, then there's a leak here, right? I was once sitting in my house and the ceiling came down cuz there was a leak that was festering. A long time, boom, the ceiling came just came down. Thank God there was nobody there. Right? But sometimes it's more subtle. There's a crack here and a leak there and a crack there and a leak there. And so in the beginning, you know, there's different stages how uh people deal with pain. Right? There's the stage of denial. Denial, it's nothing. There's the stage of anger. There's negotiation. Huh? Ross. Ross, yeah. Grief, acceptance. A very big thing is denial. It's nothing. People sometimes see their marriage is experiencing turmoil. Ah, it's nothing. Everybody have the We always say everybody has this. They see their child child is struggling. Oh, everybody has a child struggling. Grace and Gdullah, shut. Next. Stop complaining. There's another issue another issue. Take a leak here, a leak there, a crack here, a crack there. Then sometimes a person has to stop denying like there's some serious issues. And sometimes, you know, there's anger, a lot of anger. Then there's negotiations. Okay, at least we'll have 50%. We won't have 100, we'll have 50%. Okay, I'm fine with 50%. I don't need to have 100 billion dollars. I'm fine with 50 billion dollars. Or whatever that means. But then there is the time when the spaghetti hits the fan. And I simply can't deny anymore. And I'm not negotiating anymore. And I just look at the reality. And suddenly everything you thought about about what life is supposed to be and could be and should be and will be, it falls apart. The biggest shock of life of Bashalva is reciprocated with this cuff of love Ruxa shall Yosif. People are dealing with so much. Suddenly you discover a child struggling in such a deep way. And the mother says, "I didn't know about this. What did I do wrong?" Suddenly a wife finds out something about her husband. A husband finds out something about his wife. Sometimes they find out something about their children, something else in the family. Sometimes it's financial or spiritual or social or psychological. Sometimes it's an issue of mental health. And sometimes it's not even one person in the family. Sometimes it's many people in the family. And it's very normal. This is when people either go into complete denial, they shut down their emotions, they numb themselves because it's too hard. They or they completely deny, repress. They just smile. Everything is baruch Hashem, perfect. And it's normal for people to do this. Or sometimes people just get very angry. They just get very angry and very cynical. And they just become like functional. They do what they have to do, but there's a deadness that sets in. You know what I'm talking about? There's like a torturous deadness, like a numbness in life, like it's almost like a dead person walking. And these are all human responses, human emotions because the entire system was really shaken up. Bikas achav leshav bishalva, kafats alav rugza she l'Yosef. And in different people's life, it happens in different times and in different ways and in different circumstances. And then there are those who really, really experience this in such an intense way with so many things spiraling out of control. And it's almost like, you know, when you're juggling? So you're juggling two balls, fine. And then there's four balls, and then there's eight balls, and then 16 balls, and 32 balls. You know, you know those arcade games? And you're trying to catch this ball, and then this ball, and then that ball. And at some point, you What are you supposed to do? And this is what Rashi is saying. Bikas achav leshav bishalva, kafats alav rugza she l'Yosef. At this point in life, there's only one way. And it's not closing the heart. And it's not going into denial. And it's not numbing emotions. And it's not going into anger and cynicism and deadness. It's actually going into the frequency, which is one of the most deepest frequencies of life, is the frequency of authenticity and surrender and vulnerability. Because that's the frequency where I realized that there's a journey here much beyond me. I'm not going to control things. I'm not in the work of controlling. I'm not in the work of making anything look good so that certain people should be able to compliment what a good mother or father I am. I'm done. I'm not in the I'm not anymore in the business of being impressing or impressive. I'm not in the business anymore of getting anybody's validation. It's at this moment where the person is capable of opening themselves up to a very very vulnerable, painful, and also glorious journey of a family really really reaching a different level of healing. I've learned this also in my personal life. At some stage in my life I saw different people in my family struggling. I didn't expect it. I didn't expect it to happen. It came out of the blue. And I thought I was doing things right. I thought I was the greatest you know, who goes around the world and tells everybody how to educate their kids. I'm the guy who speaks at Kasha Nafshi. Or at this event, that event, that event, that event. So you know, the greatest from Chelem like has it all figured out. And then my children humbled me in a very very profound way and a very authentic way. And on one level there were times you know, I go into denial or just anger or just like depression or numbness or like this this desperate surrender but it's surrender comes from weakness. It's like I you know, I just give up. This is a crazy world. But those are all actually defense mechanisms. They're coping mechanisms. They're not real responses. They're not coming from our soul. They're ways of avoiding things, of of of not dealing with reality. There's a much deeper way, and that's the way of the soul. Kaf etzel Yakov Yisrael Yosef, it was at that moment that Yakov realized that the serenity we ask for is not the serenity that God has in plan for us. And the moment you can make that shift in your existence, you become a different person. Of course, I have a vision of what life should look like, and it's beautiful. And you know what? If it happens for you, if again, I mean if again lech al zeh bigadol. Enjoy every moment of it. But for so many of us it doesn't work that way. It just doesn't. And then we could get bitter. We can get very bitter. We can get despondent. Where did this curveball come from? But what happens at that moment is Yakov realizes there's two types of shalva. There's the shalva that is the human understanding what shalva is. A predictable, nice, tranquil life. You know, you have a good to do list every morning. You have a good day. You have good friends. You have a nice house. Things are coming together. Baruch Hashem. Nachas from the kinder. Nachas from the inner clock. There's even a shalom zachar. There's Friday night. There's a vach nacht Tuesday. There's a sheva brachas Wednesday. God bless. From simcha to simcha, jump from simcha to simcha. And this is the shalva that is really amazing and beautiful. What often happens is when we get stuck in that paradigm and it's not working out that way, we often desperately either have to start making a show or something shuts down inside of us. What Yakov understood is there's a different type of shalva. There is serenity that doesn't look serene. If you look at some family If you look at some things, it looks like chaos. But you know what's happening over there? Authenticity. There's real real growth. People are dealing with traumas that may have been in their bones for 2,000 years. They're dealing with struggles that may have been wrought upon them violent involuntarily of this generation of previous generations, and it's being spit up, and the more the infections come out and stop festering, the more chaos there is. And it's like you go and I you're like, "OMG. I was the most organized girl in Bais Yaakov. I was valedictorian. My life was supposed to have a clear trajectory of seder. I wasn't Mrs. Chaos. I don't even I didn't even know what that word means. I never got less than a 95 on a test. My grammar was amazing. My teachers only had good things to me. I was Mrs. Nach. I was quintessential miss nachas. And everything in sneezes and chesed and yiras shamayim, and it was supposed to be exactly that way, and where did all these leaks come from? I thought I was buying, you know, a million-dollar house in Monsey that's perfect. So you I could blame the contractor. I could blame the architect, and they're probably guilty. Or at least part of it. When it comes to my spiritual house, who am I going to blame now? I can go into a world of blame. I can also blame myself. That's another defense mechanism. I go into blame and guilt and shame. I was the worst mother who ever lived in history. The worst father who ever lived. The worst human being. We could do that. It's another defense mechanism. It's another coping mechanism. Because sitting in shame and wallowing in guilt has never healed anybody. The truth is what's happening is Hashem is weaving a different type of serenity for your family. It's not an easy journey. It's not an easy journey, but it's a real journey. The moment we realize life is not about fitting into anybody's box or anybody's model, it's about me being an ambassador of the divine in this world to channel the energy and life force that he wants to send through me to be able to show up for the people I am designate I am chosen to show up for with my full love and presence and authenticity, the results of the journey, I don't control. I don't even want to control them. I don't need to understand it. What really forces us into coping mechanisms is when we feel we need to control and we need to manipulate and we need to exploit and my aunt is coming for Shabbos, so she has to think this and my mother is coming, she has to think Oh my God. Let it go. Just let it go. Let it go. You only work for Hashem, you don't work for anybody else. You're not in the PR department. You don't work for anybody else. What type of shalva does Hashem want from me for my family? Yaakov says, "I don't know, but it's obviously something that's infinitely beyond what I could comprehend." And that's why it's shock after shock after shock cuz if it was a serenity that fits into my ego, to my expectations, it works with my system. But what happens when everything is being shaken up? God is taking you out of the human zone and bringing you into a serenity that is eternal, that is infinite, that is transcendent. It's like a Messianic type of shalva. It's a very humbling experience, but it's not because he doesn't want you to have shalva. It's not because he wants that you should have the most cruel and horrific and torturous life. I have to choose if I'm going to live in a frequency of surrender, trust, faith, or I'm going to live live in a frequency of cynicism and desperation and anger. And that's a choice people have to make. And it's not an easy choice and you can't judge somebody when they make one choice or another choice cuz it's cuz it's it's it's very difficult. And what happens is when you do this, you realize that this journey is so much larger than anybody imagines. Because shalva in the ultimate sense is larger than what anybody imagines. Does shalva really mean that when I walk into shul or I walk into Evergreen or I walk into Wesley Kosher or Rockland Kosher or I walk into the bar mitzvah, bas mitzvah, sheva brachas, kallah, what's it called? Shabbos kallah? What is it called? Farshpiel? Is it called farshpiel? Oh, okay. When I walk in and somebody has a nice comment to say to me, is that what shalva is? That's not what shalva is. Shalva is that your soul experiences the ultimate serenity from knowing that it is completely in flow and a channel for divine oneness that I am channeling right now, right here, this moment of my life. That's a different type of serenity. It's a serenity that is purely raw, true, authentic. There's no control. It's very vulnerable. It comes with a lot of tears. It also comes with grief. I have to grieve for the serenity that I hoped for. Some of us had visions of exactly how our children are going to grow up to be. What our marriages are going to look like, what this is going to look like, what that's going to look like. And I have to be able to grieve. I have to be able to say it's painful. It's painful. Kafa tishlav rugza shel Yosef. But what Yaakov experiences at the end of all of this is a different type of shalva. It's a shalva that is a heavenly serenity that comes from a place of infinity. You see, there is a serenity that fits in to my paradigms. By definition, it's very limited. It's what out for his family and for himself and for his environment. Nice. But then there is what your soul that is a chelek eloka mima'al knows what serenity means for you. It's an infinite form of serenity. You're in a relationship with pure infinity, with Ein Sof. For me to reach that space of self-love and self-acceptance and self-alignment, I may have to learn how to let go of all the other expectations. It may have to even shatter everything that will still make my ego believe that I could trust it. And sometimes when we see leak after leak after leak and challenge after challenge, it's an invitation to let go of the ego. Ego is easing God out. The ego is like, I'll control this. It's like, I'll put I'll put a stopper here. I'll put a stopper here. I'll call a plumber. I'll call Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no. This house is like really broken. Somebody once said, "When I was young, I worshipped perfection. Today, I only search for things that have cracks inside of them. It's the cracks that allow the light to come in. Sometimes, I need to be able to encounter and look at the cracks to allow a deeper light to come in. The deeper light is not a light that will come in when my vessel is feeling complete. Only when it's a crack is my heart open. Let me know, what is my journey? What is my mission? And then when you look at this person, you will see they have serenity, but it's a different type of serenity. There's a halo of truthfulness, of vulnerability, of faith, of trust, of genuineness that come out of their eyes that is irreplaceable. That's a different type of shalom. When you speak to such a person, there is a sense of inspiration because there is such realness. It's like you could feel Eloquence, you could feel holiness, you feel godliness. They don't repress anything. They're not naive, they're not dumb, they're not in denial. They know what pain is very well. But they realize that shalom in life is not always what my imagination of shalom is. And I could let go and let God and go on that journey of infinite serenity. And every moment there's vulnerability because I have to say goodbye to my old conception and like breathe and process, breathe in and breathe out and process and say, "Here I am." And that's why I think one of the key moments in Jacob's life, and it happens right at the beginning of his journey, and it turns out that this is what saves him. If you take a look in this in the fourth source, when Jacob runs away from his house, and he says, "I have a Zion." And he goes to sleep and he has a dream. And he says, "Jacob I can do a miracle Jacob awoke from his sleep and he says, "God is truly present in this place, yet I was unaware of it." What does this mean? Jacob learns that God could be present somewhere and even if I don't know, I don't have to know. Sometimes the need to know, to figure it out, to have knowledge is the greatest obstacle to experience who you really are and what your ultimate journey is. Can I say God is here and I don't know? Well, what do you mean you don't know? What do you mean you don't know? Figure it out. I don't want to figure it out. It's not because the mind is a bad thing. The mind is a beautiful thing when I'm dealing with things that I need my mind to figure out. If you're learning something and you need to use your mind, of course you should use your mind. The mind is a blessing. But that's only when you're trying to figure out finiteness. When you're trying to figure out infinity, shut your mind. Open your mind. Say he name ah, he knew shama makam and I knew he had a doubt he. I don't have to have it in das. My knowledge doesn't have to say, "Ah, I see where it's going. This is what's going to happen now and tomorrow it'll go here and then it'll go here and then it'll go here and then it'll go da da da da da da da da da da da da and then 10 years it's going to be perfect." Maybe, I don't know. But I knew he had a doubt he. But can you realize ah, he knew shama makam ah. Hashem is right here. So what does that look like? It looks like of surrendering to a journey that is ultimately challenging but is the most blissful thing in the world. I found that the frequency of surrender is one of the calmest places you could be in. You know why? Cuz your critics can just be quiet. You could let go. You don't have to control anything. It's the control and the need to be or not to be, to be or not to be that can drive us crazy. It's all the hijackers in my brain that say I have this to say and that to say. But when you can go into that surrender and look at all those all that mental chatter and say, "I get you. Come, let me give you a hug. I have empathy for you. I know these are your normal pathways. It's very hard for you to let go. But let's breathe that through. Let's just let go." Then you can actually show up with more serenity. This is not an invitation to uh weakness and passivity. No, you become much more proactive but you're not proactive as a control freak. You're proactive as a humble servant without intertwined bonus and calculations to manipulate and exploit. The only way you doubt he. There's something even deeper. Take a look at those words of Anochi lo yadati. You see in Hebrew the problem? You see this is what happens in English, you don't get this issue. Va'anochi lo yadati in Hebrew is not written correctly. Because of Anochi means I. What does lo yadati mean? I don't know. So really, if you translate it, he's saying, "And I I don't know." You see? Va'anochi lo yadati, "And I I don't know." That's redundant. He should have said, "Yesh Hashem bamakom hazeh v'lo yadati." Or va'anochi lo eida. So the Panim Yafos writes something amazing. He says, "No, it's not what he was saying. Listen to what he was saying. Yesh Hashem bamakom hazeh va'anochi lo yadati. The I I do not know." The Anochi I do not know. That's why God could be here cuz the Anochi the I I don't know. It was a moment what we call death of ego. Death of ego is the most liberating moment in life. Death of ego means my ego does not need to control this story at all. Now, my ego may not feel that way. My ego may be alive. But if I have a conversation with my ego and I say, "My poor little ego, I get it. I get it. I'm here for you. I'm going to give you an ice cream a little later. But you're really good." My ego, my I I don't know. I could let go of that. And all what happens? Then you're open to a flow that is completely beyond you. When my ego is always in control, all my decisions are based on self-consciousness. Are based on what the ego will make what what what what will make the ego feel better. That's it, I want. So now I need your validation, your validation, your validation, his validation, her validation. And I run from distraction to distraction to distraction to distraction. Just make my My feel good. When I can go into a place of Lo Yadata. I'm good. My ego, it's fine. The I I don't know. Now now you can actually be a channel for a different type of serenity, for a different type of depth, for a different type of creativity that comes through you. And something else happens in this process. And that's part of what Yakov learns and it's so powerful. If you take a look, what happens is Yosef ends up apparently in a miserable situation. He's sold as a slave. He lost his freedom. He's actually successful in Potiphar's estate, but then he gets into this mess cuz the wife has this crush and she wants him to do these crazy promiscuous things and he refuses cuz he's a good boy. And she accuses him and puts him in prison. And now he's in prison and he's successful in prison. They love him. It says they love him in prison. He has so much shame. And what happens after that the Torah says right after that a whole new story happens. And that is Pharaoh, the king of Egypt has two ministers, the butler and the baker. And they sin to the king and they end up in prison. So if you take a look This is Bereshit chapter 40. It says This is the third to the last story. After these words or these things the butler of the king of Egypt and the baker of the master of the king of Egypt, they both sinned. They both sinned after these things, after these words. Rashi is bothered. What does it mean after these words? Where are their words? The word interprets as words. Where were their words? There were no words. It was a story. Yosef ended up in prison. After this these guys ended up in prison. So take a look at Rashi. He says, "Lefishia igila is rudes at Sadiq befi holam ledaber boy lekanoisa." Hevi le makadish baruchu sir hanam shall elu she yifnu aleihem velo eilav. Potiphar's wife spread rumors about him in the whole of Egypt. Everybody was talking about Joseph. You heard? A 17-year-old slave comes, a Hebrew slave nachashu, even better. And you heard what he did? You heard what he tried No, he didn't even do it. She didn't say he did it. She said he tried to do it. And this became the conversation in the time. Everybody was busy talking about this 17-year-old boy in prison. So, Rashi says what happened? Hashem brought about the lapses of these two men so people would turn their attention to them and not to him. Va ayish tav yirva le Sadiq al yideihem. Also, the relief should come to the Sadiq through them cuz ultimately through them he was liberated by explaining Pharaoh's dreams. So, now let's think about this for a moment. Joseph is 17 years old. He does something that was purely innocent. He told her, "I can't. I'm not allowed to. You're married woman." She accuses him. He runs out with He runs out. So, he runs outside. She's holding on to his cloak and it's torn. So, now she has proof. And she has her husband throw him into prison. And the whole Egypt is talking about him. She was obviously some charismatic woman. And she had some influence. She was a yakhanam at ayenta, whatever else you want to use. I don't know the Egyptian words for it in those days. And she went around and she made sure this was the talk of the town. The chutzpah. We have a slave. My husband entrusted him with everything. And this denigrate, immoral, promiscuous bum tried to do this. Does Joseph know that everybody's talking about him? Not really, he's in the he's in prison. He has bigger problems. So, the Rebbe said, "Now, think about what happens." I'm going to start crying. Hashem could not tolerate that all of Egypt is talking about like this about a 17-year-old boy. Here is an innocent boy who did nothing. All he did was he was being moral. He was being authentic. What did he get for it? What do they say? No good deed goes unpunished. What did he get for it? He's thrown into prison. So, the fact that Hashem made that the whole Egypt should turn over to get him out. Okay, that's his only his only son. That's what he did. He had Pharaoh have a dream. And the whole mice with their dreams and Pharaoh's dream till Joseph got out. But, here we're learning something deeper. This wasn't about Joseph being liberated. Joseph had to be in prison. This was his journey. But, Hashem couldn't tolerate the fact that the dignity of a 17-year-old Jewish boy is being so compromised. Is being so hurt that everybody in Egypt is talking about what an evil person he is when it's untrue. So, for this Hashem decided he has to turn around the reality in Egypt. And suddenly Pharaoh has to discover a fly in a cup of wine. That's what happened. Now, how responsible are you for a fly in a cup of wine? You don't control a fly. You bring a cup of wine and a fly comes into the wine. What are you supposed to do? But, you see next Rashi In the case of the butler, a fly was found in his goblet of spiced wine for Pharaoh. In the case of the baker, a pebble was found in his loaf of bread. Why did this happen? So that this should become the talk of town. When the pirate threw them into prison, everybody was busy or hurt. Either they were saying this pirate is a meshuggener. He sees a flaw, he goes crazy, he has to throw people into prison. He sees a pebble, big deal. Throw away the pebble. You don't like this cheesecake, get a get get babka. It wasn't cheesecake, it was a it was sour dough challah. Or they were talking about the chutzpah, whatever they were talking about, but the tension went away from Yosef and the attention went to them. What do we see from here? The power of somebody who's connected to Hashem, a little kid. And it's not even affecting him, but Hashem couldn't take the fact that his dignity and his worth and his moral righteousness and his upstanding nature was hurt. Don't think it's not noticed, Rashi says. In this whole crazy journey of Yosef, don't think this detail is not noticed. I think about it sometimes we have these kids, these 17-year-old or 18-year-old 19-year-olds who went through a lot in their life that nobody knows what they went through. And then people say this statement or that statement, they judge them this way or this way. When the Aibershter doesn't tolerate it. God did notice that this is a 17-year-old innocent boy. I don't want even Egyptians to speak about him. Now you think, what's the big deal? The Egyptians are talking about him. Grace of For them this was a normal thing. What she was saying, this is what they did every day. To two face him, they were completely promiscuous. But even they who didn't even take this so seriously should say this about Yosef, it so to speak was a dagger in the chest of Hashem that he had to make all of these events to protect Yosef's integrity. This is all happening without Yaakov knowing anything, without anybody knowing anything. This happened even without Yosef knowing it. But what does this show us? There's journeys within journeys within journeys that are beyond anybody's knowledge. Yaakov didn't know this happened. Yosef didn't know what's happened. He knew that there's going to be a fly in somebody's cup. He just knew that as he told his brothers, "I wasn't sold, I was sent." Because he knew he was sent, he showed up. He wasn't cynical, he wasn't bitter, he wasn't depressed, he wasn't even angry, he wasn't in denial, he wasn't naive. He showed up and said, "Show me what my journey is today." He named me. At the end it turns out he saves the world from hunger. He saves his family from hunger. And perhaps equally important, he saves his family from eternal discord and contention. Because it's only now they can go into safer shmooze and become a nation. When a family is so destroyed internally, you can't create a nation. How will the Jewish people be able to survive 3 and 1/2 thousand years if there's no inner trust? They wouldn't be able to. So Yosef facilitated this entire healing. This journey facilitated this entire healing. Huh? He didn't wait. He showed up every day to the best of his ability. In Potiphar's house he was loyal, in prison he was loyal. There's even that scene in Vayeshev when he sees the butler and baker depressed. You remember? And he says, "Why are you depressed?" And they say cuz we had a dream and it's confusing us. And he says, "Tell me your dream." And they tell him the dream and he interprets the dream. And the interpretation comes true. And years later when Pharaoh has a dream, that's how the butler knows that the Yosef is good at dreams and that's when they bring Yosef. So, how did Yosef get liberated? By seeing two people depressed in prison and telling them madua pneihem ra'im haya. Why are you depressed? Think about it. Where was he? Where was them? Of course they're depressed. They're in prison. They're on death row. And what about himself? But he was so so deeply connected to the frequency of vulnerability, of trust, of faith, of surrender that even in that place he found a reservoir of joy and of surrender that didn't come from the fact that his circumstances were perfect. They were not. It came from the fact that he realized that serenity is not defined by anybody's definition. Serenity is defined by being fully present in complete state of flow as an open channel of the life force and energy that Hashem is channeling through me right now with complete humility and surrender of ego. Like Yaakov said, "Va'anokhi lo yadati." If this is the case the name Vayeshev makes perfect sense. What does Vayeshev mean? He settled. He was calm. Really? This is the parsha. It's unsettling. The answer of course is this is the deepest Vayeshev. The reason the name of this parsha is Vayeshev is cuz it teaches you what real Vayeshev is. What real serenity means. And what was the serenity that Yaakov actually received? You'll say, "But this parsha everything gets destroyed in his life. There's nothing normal, there's nothing calm. One upheaval after another upheaval. That's true. But what was really happening? What was really happening is everything was being healed. Everything was coming out to the fore. Debacle after debacle, tragedy after tragedy, breakdown after breakdown. To be able to challenge everybody to look at it. Stop living in denial. Denial never saved anybody. Denial is just the greatest coping mechanism of putting my head in sand and not looking at the reality. It forced everybody to look. Steer at truth. Steer at authenticity. Face it. Cry your heart out. Deal with it. Open yourself up to the real journey of what this family needs. Get out of your ego. Get out of your paradigms. Get out of your limited beliefs and conceptions and value systems that are keeping you stuck. This opened them up to a different viasha, not the regular serenity of it looking good. Didn't look nothing of it look good. But it planted the seeds for so much truth to come out. For so much healing to come. For so much reconciliation to come. And therefore Hashem says, of course this is what tzaddikim do. Tzaddikim want to live tranquil tranquil. What type of tranquility do they want? Not just a vacation, I don't want to do anything. They want real serenity. That comes with alignment. Being in full alignment, being in full bliss. The greatest bliss is when you're a channel for Hashem, when there's no ego. Hashem says to the tzaddikim, this is exactly what olam haba is. This is what olam haba is. It's not enough that they wanted an olam haba. It's not enough to have an olam haba. They wanted an olam hazeh. It's not a criticism. This is the state of a tzaddik. But usually in olam hazeh where we live in a world of misalignment, where we live in a world of falsehood, where we live in a world of cover-ups, people don't experience this. Jacob received this gift. He wasn't given the serenity that he asked for initially. He was given the infinite shelter that comes from a different level of truth. It comes from a different magnitude, from a different spectrum, from a completely different frequency. And when Jacob can experience this, he comes back to Egypt. He comes down to Egypt 17 last years of his life. He looked at his whole family. And the whole thing came together. Did it take away all the grief? Did everything suddenly make sense logically? Of course not. But Jacob realized that there was something so eternal that developed, that was something so transcendent and divine that unfolded, that he could have never guessed. The seeds were created to create a family that thousands of years later would not only survive, but also thrive until we experience that ultimate shelter when there will be the fusion of everything and the whole picture finally will unfold in perfect synchronization. Not that everything will make sense logically, but a person will just be able to experience that moment of coherence where everything is perfect in time, space, spirit, because it really embodies infinity. Have a beautiful and wonderful week. Thank you. I understand. I shouldn't like want it this way, want it this way, but he's also said that it happened this way. Like, who's in charge? What do you mean upset? Like he was upset that 470 boy happened that Oh. Well, there's obviously a very delicate interplay because on one hand, obviously, this was part of Joseph's journey. He needed to go through this. It wasn't a mistake. Sure. On the other hand, he was basically saying, "Don't think I'm not here. Don't think I'm deaf. Don't think I'm indifferent. Don't think I'm apathetic." That's the point. It's not that everything is eliminated and everything is dandy, but don't think for a moment that I'm deaf, that I don't notice every experience of Joseph. Like I wanted to say that like the struggles happened for a reason and we're doing this and that, but then we're saying like Joseph didn't want it that way. He wanted it that way, but there is that empathy with the grief of Joseph and with the pain of Joseph. The lesson for us as human beings, we have an eternal struggle towards this. Are we meant to really achieve this in this world? Are we meant to achieve it or is that something for later? Listen, there's the shalva of Olam Haba, but very often there's the shalva that we can achieve even in this world when we open ourselves up to this type of gift. How do we know when we have it? That's a good question. Uh I don't think we know it. I think we experience it. I think it's experiencing a moment of complete coherence. And I don't know that we have it every moment, but I think we may have gifts of single moments where like there's absolute coherence of all our different parts and all of our different journeys and experiences. Right. Obviously, there's a complete shavua of oilam haba and of Mashiach. Thank you for coming. You understood? You understood? Thank you. I once I once had a particular thought that really, you know, Hashem is infinite beyond time, space, matter. So, really, there's one point that everything just comes together and it's in pure perfection and it can't get any better. And it's pure bliss cuz it's pure Hashem, Ein Od Milvado. And that's the truth of existence, the truth of reality. But then that singular point gets fleshed out and manifested in all of history. Every person, every animal, every creature, every day, every night, every experience, every atom, every every cell, right, every neuron, every person's life story, nations, cultures. And here that one perfect point gets fleshed out and manifested. And each of us is just living our own individual, you know, journey. And the gift that we're talking about is really, when we have those moments that we can align our particular way of manifesting that singular point of infinity with the whole. Like bringing it back and seeing that it's just a manifestation of that perfect perfection that can't even get better. But we have to acknowledge first the fact that we are manifesting in it through our body and through our life story with all of the journeys that that comes with. And we have to be present to that cuz it's not about detaching. On the other hand, this shavua is that moment of coherence where we bring it back to that one nekuda where everything is perfect and perfectly good and blissful. So, I think there are moments that we can touch that. Yeah. Yes. Oh, thank you. Okay, beautiful. Yeshaqaya. Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. And please express my gratitude. Okay. Thank you. Thank you and a lot of hatslocha. Yeah. Amen. Amen. Right. So, the truth is that from a Yiddishkeit perspective the self at its core is always whole. We may not have access to it. It may be in exile. But it may be in exile, but it's always whole. And we can't even damage it. So, our coping mechanisms or our protectors, the way they call it, or our defenders, you know, may be running the show. But the self remains completely whole. A healthy self-esteem is not a condition. It's the reality of the person. When I know who I am, there's a healthy self-esteem. I just may not know who I am. But a healthy self-esteem, I think, is more connected to when we're open to our true life energy. We have to be able to hold space for the protectors. And get help getting in touch with the inner self, where there is esteem.