Maamar Purim 5716 #4: The Transformational Purim Energy - Embracing the Space of Not Knowing

that mat ta doesn't have because by mata it was kafhigas right he put the mountain over their heads what does that mean the mountain that there was such a uh there was such a clarity when things are so clear you have no choice to have choice there has to be some this you have this perspective that perspective and then you make a choice when things are so clear that this is life and this is death, right? Person is going to go into a jungle, right? And be eaten by the little tiger or not go in fine. I mean, that's mean the mountain is over your head. It's like very obvious that not accepting this spells a death sentence. The gilus, the revelation of godliness, this is how explains it. The revelation of godliness was so palpable. It was so clear. That's what makes it forcible. You know the kafale was the very experience was one in which they were completely consumed by such powerful clarity and revelation. No. Why are you calling that force? It's called force in the sense not force literally that I'm forcing you. You know I put the ch it's force in the sense that uh you can't you can't refuse. There's no other choice. Right. It's so it's so It's too good. It's too clear. It's too much love. By put it was the Yeah. Okay. By put it was the opposite. It was a state of concealment. So it came completely from within. Put showed what the DNA of the Jew is both in the negative and in the positive. Why should the Jews be chosen for extermination? Mai didn't bow down. So kill Mai. What do you want from everybody else? Why do you have to kill every Jewish kid? There were Jews who were bowing down to you. So them you should love is not bowing down to you and he's the head of the sun and he's a very very he's a very very religious man. So kill him says somehow looked at the Jews bowing down to him and he said you're all Mardek. He saw in them what they didn't see in themselves. And that's what all anti-semites see in Jews. They see what in Jews. Jews don't know like I'm just a regular guy. I'm a bigger atheist than you. What? I'm more leftwing than you. What do you want? I'm anti- relligion much more than you. I'm against Israel more than you. What do you want? What do you see in me that I don't see in myself? The truth is this is tragic, but it's also incredible. What they see is that you're a Jew. You're a Jew. That's what I see. The is who? Every single Jew. In other words, even the Jew who's bowing down is also that's not who you are. So, it comes out negatively. But what does it really bring out? And it brings out that every Jew is a and when the Jews saw that, it touched them to their core. It they stopped fooling themselves. You could go to and you could take pictures with them and you could be in the palace with them, but they knew exactly who they were there. It's not forced anymore. On the contrary, they had every reason in the world, if you're talking about clarity and love and and safety, run as far as possible. Deny it as much as possible. say you're on Hmon's team. They didn't. They didn't. This was something that didn't happen by by uh by by by Mat. And when was it? In such a in such a when they were in such a difficult place. It was it was a place of concealment. A So where did it come from? It came from their core. That's not kaf anymore. That's not imposed on you. that's not coming from outside from a revelation from heaven. It rather represents who you are in your deepest place. So both the exa and the transformation of it represented the Jewish people at their core. So now he continues this will explain two things that we see in the The name for the Jewish people is usually or is the children of Israel. Sometimes we're called Yakov, right? Alira Yak, for example, don't fear my servant Yakov. Sometimes Jewish people are called Yeshir like we also say Davining. It's also a name in the migill. It's the first time that the Jewish people are defined exclusively as you don't have it before and you have it in the migill. That's the place of that's how we're and whenever it's referring to Jews on a literal level. The reason is because McGillis Esther is written in Persia and it's written post the destruction of the first Bik. 10 tribes, the majority of them have already been assimilated or expelled by the Assyrian Empire already before 150 years before the destruction of the first mikdash. So most, not all but most of the 10 tribes have been lost at this point and certainly they're not part of the Purim reality. It's the majority of two tribes which is Yehuda and Binyam. Those were the two tribes living under the southern kingdom, not the northern kingdom. He had there was a split after Schlima's death there was a split under between and there were two kings and there was a split the southern kingdom and the northern kingdom. The northern kingdom included 10 tribes the southern kingdom included two yhud and purim happens after the destruction of the firstb. So Clal Israel is comprised not exclusively but primarily from the Yehuda Yehuda is of course the Shv that has the king that produces the last kings of the Jewish people including Yehuda who went into exile with Mardai. So they're called because even though himself the gar struggles with this is usually associated with Ben Yam and came from just like Esther came from he's not Yudi he's not Yehuda and the Gmor asks what it means does it mean Yehudi is actually from one lineage he did come from Yehuda or that Yehudi represents his faith is that he's So here the migilla makes a shift instead of calling us is you don't even have once the name is not once the name not once the name only the name that's one in obeys another thing in the migilla is not once is hashem's name mentioned in the entire migill it's hinted it's hinted for example you have and then a and It says in it's brought in brings the end and the beginning is his theor but explicitly it's the only safer in that it's it's fascinating that Hashem's name does not appear once which doesn't have Hashem's name and once it has at the end is the only book in the whole Hashem's name is not mentioned even once and it's strange why is it strange because the whole story of the migilla is a miraculous story and Esther told go gather the Jews and fast and what should they do during those three days apparently they were to and at the end you describe the miracle and you would I think at some point the Jews said thank you to Hashem there was some expression of gratitude not a single mention of Hashem not in the decree and not in the salvation not in the beginning not in the middle not at the end so he says these two things about the migill that our name changes to and that hashem's name is absent from the migilla really captures the zeitgeist of put the names saw you all underscore the fact that we are one organism but there's still differences there's different levels different states of consciousness different states spiritually intellectually physically on every level between the Jewish people whether it comes to whether it comes to comes to not everyone is not everyone is equal like says You have the wood choppers and the water drawers. And you have you have the leaders. The kadesh of was it touched a place where everyone was mish the same equal and you see it already by the decree says like I said I'm not going to kill only Mardai the nation of what's the nation of mai Again, Makai is the guy not bowing down to you. So, get rid of him. Get rid of his friends. Get rid of his colleagues. Get rid of the Jews who join in Sanhedrin. They're on his stature. No. Every Jewish baby in a crib. I need to get rid of why. What's in his in his evilness? He was on that the real of why is it coming from is it coming from is an intellectual is a saint is a he's a he's a he's aloof he's unique so he's your target saw that this is an of it's an that exists in every single Jew just like It's an a point in which Mardai is no different than a child. In other words, as long that's how the Hitlers think. As long as there's one child alive, your path to world peace and dominion is is blocked. I It's a little baby. You'll educate them the way you want. It's not nea. This is a piece of mai. Every child is a mai. It's a little more. It's a little It's a little mukai, but it's growing up to be a mukai. I this this Jew says I have nothing to do with Makai. I'll intermar. I like I like you much better. I'm with you. That's what the Jew says, but it's not who the Jew is. I don't believe him. So, says you become smart from your enemies. Meaning sometimes you learn about a person from their enemies. Like, who do you hate? Tell me who hates you and I'll tell you who you are. When you see that every Jew is hated alike by Hmon, what does it mean? It means that the kadusha Hmon is allergic to holiness. His yeseshas can't deal with holiness. So when you see that he's allergic to every Jew, what does it show you? It shows you the holiness in every Jew and every Jewish child. The one said on Pudd it was put 1966. So he said, "What do you learn from this?" He said, "You saw it by the Holocaust." There were Jews, they were screaming, "I'm an atheist." Many Jews, they were atheists. They didn't believe in anything. They were more German than Germans. Hitler sent them most into the gas chambers. Why? Because for Dr. Mangala, there was no difference. They saw the Jew. The Sunis saw the Jew. So the Reb then said of I'm using my words, but there was a he said from this we have to learn how to love Jews. If their hatred extends to whom? To the to the most assimilated, secular, alienated atheistic Jew because they see the yeid in him. So which Jews do we have to love? So you look at Jew, you say Hitler is it teaches you. It teaches you what you're looking at. You say, "You don't wear my kapat. You don't wear my You don't wear my hat. You don't Sometimes the Jew himself doesn't know it. It's the it's the it teaches you how to love a Jew and who to love and how to connect. And don't say this person is insignificant. He's insignificant or he's small or he's alienated or I'm not interested because for Hmon and for Hitler he was extremely significant. If he's not dead or she's not dead, I can't have peace. That's What is this? What? How could in they're not the same on Jacob? They're not the same. In not the same. He says this is Yehudi. The word Yehudi comes from the word. The word is something. If you're looking at intellect, in other words, you're looking at identity, you can't compare to other people. What's means the surrender, the connection, something that transcends my perception and experience of it. It's something because it's beyond eye. So, we're equal. If it's the way I experience things, my eye is not your eye. No people, no two people think alike. No two people have the same face. The mission says we're not supposed to. You don't look like me. You don't think like me. That's that's the that's the that's the diversity. That's the beauty of it. And you don't get upset at somebody else. You don't get upset at somebody. Why don't you look like me? So why should you get upset that your wife doesn't think like you? She doesn't look like you. Doesn't think like you. You get upset. Why don't you look like me? Because you don't look like you're not supposed to look like me. So why do I think you're supposed to think like me? You're not supposed to think like me. That's diversity is essential to the human chemistry. Every person's imprint of uniqueness is unique. It's so to speak your unique DNA. Where then do we become one? We don't become one in identity. The of one is in the in transcendence in B. So what he says here there's an because it's not an of of my brilliance even my holiness of over there it's complete equality. So why did learn that we should love each other? Why don't we learn that we should hate them as much as they do to us eliminate them once and for all? Why don't we learn to like he wants to destroy us? That's not a sh of course that's that's an obvious lesson. That sounded to me I hear that's not a sh somebody comes to kill you and he says doesn't even say yeah kill him says he said you won't even have to kill him he should just see that you're waking up early in the morning to kill him he'll already be afraid he says when you have that attitude it'll actually make a much more peaceful world when he sees you're waking up early in the morning you're ready to kill already know who he's dealing with instead of an attitude of of of mediocrity. It's a there's a of self-defense and there's a of a it's a very very powerful say and it's written people think it was written it's written for the time of gullis and it's not even that who besiege a Jewish city. So if let's say there's no Jews there it's a place let's say where there's stoages where there's wealth where there's money you're not allowed to be shabas if they're coming to steal because if they're not going to hurt anybody so you're allowed to let's say somebody's house is burning down and there's no danger of life so on chabas you're not allowed to do anything but then the says that if it's if it's a city that can give them a strategic foothold in a in a city that's near a border that will allow them maybe to go and attack even though they're saying we're coming just to steal straw. That's what he says. So on Shabas you have to be and go out with weapons. So that the the land is not conquerable. In other words, the sees any strategic compromise that can potentially potentially not now put one person in danger because you don't know what's going to happen. This is even if they say I only want money I don't want anybody. Certainly if they say hey we want people. Soically all the laws of Shabas are canceled. In other words, it's considered right now like a person is dying in front of you. It shows the attitude that if you're putting even one life in possible possible danger even though there's no danger now. So then it's considered right now and this was written not for not for the time of the mik. was written in is the laws even of the time of gullis and the garra says it in advance it's even in some people have an idea I don't know where they got it from that uh that Jews in the time of gull to defend themselves but people tell me I don't know where it came from it's against it's mamish it's it's a betrayal of hal it's there's not one source for it so I told him so why does your community have shrim. Your community shouldn't have shrim. Why should your community have shrimp? If a Jew is robbed, you say, "Yeah, go rob more." Somebody's held up, very good. It's gullless. We're supposed to be held up. So in your community in Brooklyn, Jews are allowed to protect themselves. But where there's 7 million Jews and people say they want to kill every single Jew, they're not to protect themselves. You see in the name of people can be so uh um misguided completely misguided. There's not even a den in it's a it's a den in every place in the world. It's a den in America. It's a den in Canada. It's a den in South America. It's a den in every place in the world. You have to go out on shabas which is an and the reason is because it's a danger of life. And even if there's no danger in life, but there's ashash of ashash ofash, they're saying there we don't want anything. We want to steal your straw because our animals need food and you have and we're coming to steal. That's it. And if you leave us alone, we're not going to do anything. In other words, it's a beautiful piece. You give me this place, I take the resources and I don't touch you. But because it's that by getting closer, they're getting closer to the border. That's what it says. So me's considered an act of war right now. So that's a lesson that needs to always be ingrained in the Jewish people. How to treat enemies without fear and without capitulation without being embarrassed. Without being embarrassed. Yeah. The used to say that if Israel accepts this and Shabas as its baseline, it would be a different world because they say, "Listen, we love you. We want peace, but we cannot make a single compromise that potentially can endanger one life." That's the baseline. That's it. It's impossible. It's like asking me to slaughter my wife and children because you want I just can't. Especially when I'm not building people who say they want straw, they don't say they want straw. They say they want every Jew dead. They say it. And even those who don't say it say it in Arabic. The media makes this comfortable distinction between kamas and the people living in Gaza. Even though every poll it's around 70 80% of people who say that they support what happened on October 7th. So which what's the population that you're and that's what they say and those who don't say you know those are those who say and Gaza is not the biggest problem even the Arabs living in Yehuda and Shambra. So they're not saying we want straw. We don't want straw. We're just waiting for the right opportunity. So even if they were saying we just want straw that's all we want go away so we can have straw we want fields we want farms we want whatever it is even then it's considered an act of war what does mean that's the Indian of Yehudi what's the hidah comes from the surrender, right? Maida I confess is Maida or Maida is thank you or Maida sometimes means gratitude right thank you like also means submission right like to you right also means like confession like it's all the same the person is in a state of surrendering beyond ond surrendering to something outside of them like say we have a different opinion but we're to you and even thank you what does thank you mean thank you is a form of surrender I have gratitude to you I'm indebted to you that's why it's the same word like confession saying I'm sorry and saying thank you is a very similar emotion and that's why people who don't do one don't do the other either you'll see I don't mean thank you you know pass me the tissue box. Oh, thank you. I mean, a real thank you. Looking somebody in the eyes and saying, "Thank you for doing this for me. Thank you for touching me so deeply. Thank you for changing my life." It's very vulnerable. It means I'm in debt. It means I'm in debt of gratitude. It's a very vulnerable thing to say thank you. Real real real thank you. Not that's not vulnerable. That's culture. It's not vulnerable. But a real thank you is a vulnerable thing. I'm sorry is also very vulnerable that we understand. I'm sorry. Again, a real I'm sorry, you know, not I'm sorry. Okay, I hear you. Okay, if you want I'm sorry, right? You know those sorryries. If you if you insist because you're an idiot, right, and you're a and you decided that I fine, I'm sorry. And then you don't know why the person is uh not so eager to be so close to you. I'm sorry is vulnerable. Both are states of of of bit. There's an element of surrender. So sometimes surrender is a terrible thing. When you're surrendering to something that wants to hurt you, you don't surrender. Be firm. When you're talking about truth, hidah is the greatest quality. When you talk about ultimate truth, hidah is the deepest quality because haha means it's the only thing that opens me up to infinity. Trying to hold on to it to control it doesn't allow me access to infinity. It allows me access to that which I can hold on to which is always very limited. Hidah opens you up to something which is beyond you. That's yhoodi. Yehoodi is the ability in the Jew not to bow down to hmon. Why not? Because h is mitus. Hmon is mitz. And I'm not going to bow down to that. I'm not going to surrender to the is to that which is what he's saying. And this the med says this is a very very difficult and fascinating. It says in chapter 14 says, "A fool believes everything." A clever person understands things well. In other words, a fool has blind faith. It's snowing outside. Sure, it's snowing outside. It's night time. It's night time. Cuz you're a fool. Fools believe. Smart person, why should they believe? Figure it out. If it's true, you'll believe it. If not, you if it's true, you'll you'll understand it. You won't believe it. If it's not true. Yeah, that's what he's saying. It looks like he's basically denigrating the pesi. Comes the medish and says who's pessu this is how could the first of all why would the med say this calling a pess and also it seems like a very wrong diagnosis for mohenu. The raam says raam writes that was he was the ultimate epitome of a human being. Mosher Raenu was not just a holy man. His was the highest level of the Pik says there was no prophet like Mosha in history who knew Hashem face to face. You're told him with a m mind and a soul that was beyond gigantic. We can't even describe Mosha Rabenu's greatness on every level. And he was Mosha the greatest if there was ever if there was ever a a rash in history it was so he's the he's the pess and the med even uses that word what's so the says there's one area where being a fool is the greatest compliment and in order to be that fool you have to be the biggest you have to graduate when you're talking about the truth of reality of infinity which no thought can grasp it. So the only way to be a is by suspending your by transcending your it's not it's not because I'm intellectually lazy. It's because I graduate the need to be able to hold on by understanding and I could relinquish all control. That's what that's what is here. Amun is considered the deepest experience of reality. It allows me to embrace ultimate reality which transcends logic because logic was created. It's not because I'm afraid of logic. I'm not afraid. You have someone who's afraid of that's what you call blind faith. What does blind faith mean? If I open my eyes, I won't have faith. I close my eyes and I believe. Yeah. You could sell me the Brooklyn Bridge. Why? Cuz I have blind faith. And Muna in Judaism has nothing to do with blind. It's not blind. People say, "I'm not ready to take a leap of faith like you." What is a leap of faith down? I'm not ready to jump over the abyss. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to do that. It's basically all representing that you need to take a leap. You have to be you have to be a little crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not blind. I'm not crazy. I don't believe my Bubba the Bubba misers of my Bubba. Bubba misers of my Bubba were good for my Bubba. They're not good for me. I'm a science major. I read I saw enough videos on YouTube that I became a science major. So since I'm a science major, I don't have blind faith. But here we're learning no real amuna means you have to use your das and you have to use your das and use it as much as you can. And then you reach a point that da simply has no entry there. Why doesn't it have entry? Because logic itself, its properties define reality a particular way. So any reality doesn't fit into that, you're forced to force it into da. So what does that do? It cuts you off from reality. That's what happens to many scientists because they're obsessed with holding on to their parameters. They can't open themselves up to real reality because real reality has to be you have to be ready to get shocked. I have no bias. Not even the bias of this most sophisticated ego which is the greatest bias. I will figure it out. There's no eye. Maybe maybe the Maybe you'll figure out that there's no I. Oh, I can't let that happen. Then what am I gonna be? Who's going to win the Nobel Prize if there's no I? There has to be an eye somewhere. So how scientific am I? Mosher Rabenu's greatest idea was that he was a pess. He understood once you hit a certain level of reality, now is your enemy. You're trying to figure out something that you can't figure out. meaning you have no access to it and therefore one of two things are going to happen. Either you're going to force something that's which means you're going to manipulate it, you're going to exploit it, you're going to compromise it, you're going to dilute it, you will have no access to it or you're going to stop thinking straight. You're going to delude yourself. You're going to you're not you're going to you're going to be become a crooked person. You're not going to either you either you you're going to become sick or you're going to make the idea sick. one one of the two you're gonna have to play with. The real Indian is this is a is the ability to be able to face mystery and not to move to be able to embrace it to look at it and to be present with it and to be present with all the inexplicable pain but also with all inexplicable bliss. That's what means. That's what real means. That's what he says. When you're talking about something completely beyond even moa is called pess here the fool is the greatest compliment. If you're talking about things that can be obtained or developed through time, through reason, through das, through knowledge. So you have those who internalize them, who comprehend them, who really master them. And you have those that they can. So they just admit, they just embrace. So you can't say that this Haha is equal. For one person it's ama, for another person, it's knowledge. One person's faith is another person's knowledge because this person in their mind can actually contain it. Only when you're touching something that is essentially beyond Tom Vidas. So Tom Vidas logic can't touch it. Can't grasp it. Now even Moshe says I'm a I'm a and that's why the migilla where we called you doesn't have a name of this is the idea of Hashem is not the name not present. It says in Z the names of Hashem and then there's what we call there's the I that's not hinted to in any letter and even in a kit even in the thorn on top of a letter. In other words, a name represents already an articulation of something. The name is the way you're known, the way you're understood, the way you're perceived. It's your reputation. Even Hashem's name doesn't mean Hashem's names. The way Hashem like it says in in in Medish, every name captures a certain dimension of revelation. Put him touched a deeper place. Put him touched a place that's nameless. It's beyond names. That's what he says. It's a even beyond names. That's it's not graspable through any form, through any fashion. That's why there's no name for it. There's no way of articulating it. It's not expressed and manifested. It's the essence itself that is beyond comprehension and beyond description. And because it's beyond description, I have no name for it. So when you look at the migill, what do you see? You see, I don't know what hit me. I don't know. In other words, there's no name of Hashem on and and that's true from one level. On another level, what really happens in the migilla is you touch a place that is beyond definition, beyond description. That's why it doesn't have a name. It comes from a place that's deeper than names. So the becomes on one hand means I don't know. I don't have knowledge. I don't have that direction. I don't have that clarity. Because of that the person needs to go to a place that is the deepest part of themselves. the deepest part of themselves. They have all the clarity. But the clarity is not from a place of das. The clarity is from a place that's completely beyond das. It's a place from of Yehudim. The Yehudi came out and put him. The Yehudi is connected to a divine reality that is nameless because it's beyond names. There's no definition and description. Not in a person and not in Hashem. The only thing you could say is The neph that's what means that the soul is in a place of complete oneness. It's not compromised by any any coverups. It's connected to something that's completely beyond vidas beyond logic. Even though they were in such a lowly difficult situation to the point that they did not occupy any space. They were in a state of like we say my soul should be like dust. You hear what he's saying? We look at the migill wanted to kill everybody, destroy everybody from that one. It's the darkest thing in the world. There's no nothing darker. What happened at that moment was gave birth to a new person. Let's understand what it means in a he calls it they lost any sense of self there was no self anymore once there was no self they were reborn as a divine reality that's yudi and then they understood why hum hated them so much and then they understood who they are for the first time and it came from a place that's deeper than understanding what does it mean three words hashm means to destroy means to kill means to eliminate, right? To get lost. Three words here. He tes it. What does it mean? There's very intense. There's a t there's a there's a there's a situation in life where a person still feels I can make it happen. I have my ego could still make it work. my mind, my heart, my money, my connections, my resources, my my uh my what's it called? My manipulation. I can be and then the person never touches truth. Why? Because they're still have an ego that's working. Yeah. I I'm still in control. Something is in control. The deepest journeys the deepest journeys of transformation happen only when the person reaches a place they know that there's nothing in their self that can solve the problem. That's what's that's what happened then literally means someone wanted to kill them. What happened to them? He said at that moment they were reborn. There was complete surrender. Because there was complete surrender there was nothing left. What happens in by a person by this there's no I don't I don't I surrender my very existence. So you know what happens then? What happens is you become a channel for real existence. And that's why in the deepest journeys of a person's life at the moment of hashb that's when they find out who they are. They find out everything about what they need to know because it's not anymore with control. It's from a place of what do we say in Davening what's the connection you would say the opposite to open my heart in I have to be in a comfortable chair and be in a comfortable place and have an open mind and have an open heart on the contrary no only as long as my soul is not like I'm not really open to real I'm open to I'm open to ego I'm open to my yeah I'll make a good another speech another this only when the neph becomes like complete earth you would say this is the worst moment no this is when your heart opens up suddenly there's no blockage anymore suddenly I'm not in control anymore so who's in control hashem who are you a channel, you will never be as creative as those moments. What does creative mean? Creative means you're plugged in to creator. So, you're creative. You have the power of creativity. The worst thing that blocks creativity is the sense of I'm going to control this. I got this worked out. In life, we all try to live with control as long as we can. That's why we get married. Marriage is usually one thing that helps but people still control. They control that too. And then our children very often help us reach a space where we let go. We have to let go. Why do we let go? Not nobody want nobody chooses to let go. It's very hard to let go because when you let go, you feel like I'm jumping off a cliff. This is my only hold. My ego. What else do I have? But I have no choice. I have nothing left here. There's nothing left. I have no It's the only place of bliss. That's finally when you don't have to control anymore. You know the the the pleasure when you don't have to control when there's nothing in you that needs validation so that the ego should survive. You know what you know what type of uh you know what type of that's called adada. I don't need yada anymore. I'm done. The ego became so miserable. It became such a source of contention. I don't need it anymore. I let it go completely. I don't need to live in a place that I need the validation that I need the compliment that I need to please you. It's you a complete place of BL. Now you become the most powerful person in the world because you don't exist. Anybody knows what I'm talking about here. Yeah. Even when you that's the when you come back you should always stay in that space at least at least have a window to that place that after put should still be even when it's yada cuz I'm not always going to be in that space but that's a space that you always want to remember it's the space of hashm the death of ego that's what happened when the death of ego there's nothing to hold on to I don't have brilliance I don't have feelings I don't of control and of reputation. What do I have? Nothing. So who's here? Nobody is here. Are you ready to give that up? Nobody will do that willingly. You got to be musha. Unless you learn enough and it really gets to you voluntarily to do this. It doesn't very very rarely happens. Life breaks us. Life shows me I have no control. Life says this is unbearable. How much longer are you going to carry this lie that it's you you you which is really a counterfeit reality? It's the only reason is cuz it's a Ponzi scheme. I'm investing my resources in an ego that never existed. We decided that the ego exists and now we're busy building it up. Nothing. It's a house of cards. It's counterfeit. It's forged. It's anoid mulvad. So as long when I could really really surrender that to you become the most powerful person in the world because you're just you're a channel you don't it's not personal anymore once it's not personal anymore your compliment won't make me your criticism won't destroy me this person that person being yah pleasing even my even even for yourself you're you're in a different space you're a complete channel and that's the most liberating experience in the world and it's one of the hardest things for people and this nikuda doesn't have to do with who you are. This is a nud of in this there's no superiority complex anymore. You're this you you finished sh you finished you finished it's all beautiful things this in this there's no it's it's surrendering all and that's why it's so hard to give up because what's going to be left of me you want me to give up everything you know how hard I work to build my to to build my name to build my to build my career to build what you want me to give it up you easy. But till I don't give it up, I don't really own anything. It's all it's all dreams. As long as those dreams are intact, it's very nice. But those dreams will be shattered. And if you're lucky, it'll happen earlier than later if you're lucky. It's very, this is very very difficult. This is this is a very difficult moment in life. It's very very hard for people. Now, usually with with with in our generation, you see it a lot with children who are struggling and the parents are forced to re-evaluate their identity completely. Their own identity, their own identity, who their god is, who their soul is, who they are, what what they represent, what their what their priorities are. And it never it's not easy. And then what happens is what they see their own nephesh. Then you see your glory in a way that you never saw it. That and that's the ego you want. You don't want your ego. You want God's ego, so to speak. It's not ego anymore. It's bitt. Then you see your glory. Then you actually have selflove because it's it's it's it's real self- loveve. It's it's it's the love of the self that is a channel of divine consciousness or as his t-shirt infinite consciousness having a finite experience. It's not diluted. It's not diluted. You know why? Because your doesn't have to confuse things. Your is a channel. When you have to think, you think. We're not afraid of logic. We love logic. Jews are not afraid of logic. Mosher wasn't afraid of a mind of of of philosophy. He's not afraid of philosophy. He wasn't stuck in philosophy. Not afraid of science, not afraid of logic. Logic is a channel. It's a channel and it's an amazing channel. It's a channel for the truth that could be channeled through intellect. Then you need logic. You're not going to understand the tyus without logic. You're not going to understand the without logic. That's this that's the that's the part of that's divinity that comes through. Yeah. Just like this divinity that comes through emotion and there's divinity that comes through but the is the so here is how it happens the is the doubt it's it's the disintegration I don't know who I am anymore I don't have I don't I don't know my beauty what happens at this moment there's nothing left there's no beauty there's nothing to look at there's nothing to embrace there's nothing to hold on You know what happens? Becomes becomes the greatest moment of transformation deeper than why because now you see who you really are. And who you really are you couldn't have prepared for. This wasn't something that your ego could prepare for it because your ego would prepare for it is just ego. You know some say okay I'm going to go through transformation now. You ready? Let's go through transformation. Okay. It's all ego. It's all coping mechanism. I decided to be yada, right? Like like somebody once said, "Now we're going to have spontaneous dancing." Come on, spontaneous dancing. Yeah. I was once in somebody's house and his wife was going on vacation for a few days to Florida. Right before she leaves, it was brilliant. He tells his wife, he says, "Do me a favor. Don't feel any pressure to enjoy yourself and don't feel any pressure to relax. You don't have to relax. You know the hardest thing on vacation is when do we start relaxing? Why am I so miserable? Weren't we supposed to relax? Yesterday I did a zoom with teenagers in London and it was like a a lot of teenagers. So they were asking questions. So one of them said, "Purim is my most miserable day. Am I the only crazy person? How everybody is happy? And I'm asking why am I not happy? It's like it's put when are you relaxing? Like when are you going to be abd? It all begins when we stop asking those questions. You don't force you stop stop being anxious. Come on, get happy. It's it's radical acceptance. It's radical acceptance of what is and radical acceptance of what is is never okay. Right now I'm going to meditate and stop thinking about everything. It's like forcing meditation, forcing silence that undermines every experience of it. It's the beginning of of letting go. And that's what's so hard. Tell me how to do it and I'll do it. I can't tell you anything. You have to let go. Somebody once came to me. He was having an issue this. He says, "Tell me how to do it and I'll do it. Tell me how to fix my family and I'll fix it." I said, "Your question is your problem. Tell me how to fix my family. Tell me how to fix my You're not going to fix anything." That's galabashabud where I don't exist anymore. Hmon wanted to kill them. But what Hman didn't realize is in his insanity he actually he fulfilled that but in the opposite way. They experienced laashid gal in the most liberating way. There was noism anymore. They stopped occupying space. Once you stop occupying space you go into spacelessness. Once you go into spacelessness you're not finite anymore. Now my heart could be open to real. It's a different that comes now. It's a divine taid. It's transcendence. It's infinity that comes. Mosha is the one who had it more than anybody. That's why had it had it more than other people because you know because his intelligence was so profound he knew its limits and the main thing was he knew how to let go. That's what represents. And in this nikuda, there's no difference between people. You can't say, "Oh, you have it more." You know, your ego is smaller than my ego, right? Like the joke, "Look who says he's a nobody." You know that old joke, right? Look who says he's a nobody in there has to be differences. In what's the difference? You don't know and I don't know. So what's the difference? The difference maybe is I know how much I don't know. But that's still all the yada that's coming from yada in the real of yada. It's not anymore. I know how much I don't know. That's all the y controlling the yada. I know how much I don't know. I'm so smart. I know what I don't know. That's all nice. Over there. There are differences in the y where there's no y over there. It's it's so if it's if it's not so then there's no difference between you and I. The difference between you and I is only in yeah not in no person because they didn't get the concept of a person. Yeah. It's Yeah. It's it's letting go of letting go. It's it's it's it's it's it's really the hardest thing in the world, but it's also the easiest thing in the world because it's the hardest thing in the world because there's so much fear, but it's the easiest thing in the world because it's just it's being natural. It's actually being normal. Means that you're normal. I know it sounds a little strange, but that's the truth. It means you're normal. You don't feel yourself. You're normal. You'll see children have it naturally, right? Go to a one-year-old who's playing or walking around your house without a pamper. You know, like other men before they ate from the tree and you say, "Are you not embarrassed with yourself? I mean, it's a shock. You know, we have to get you into yeshiva seminary. I mean, there's community pressure. The one-year-old is going to look at you like Nebuch like my father needs a lot of help." And you know what? He's right. My father needs a lot of help. Yeah. The system got to him. He doesn't even know he's right. He He's so innocent. He won't understand the question. Could you stop bothering me? I'm playing with Lego or just get me the ice cream and get out of my life. I'm busy living. You're busy dying. I'm busy living and you're busy dying. Don't infuse your death into my life. What does death mean? Death means you're detaching yourself from the source of life. How do we detach ourselves from the source of life? By creating a counterfeit life and then investing it with meaning and then controlling it and then building a wall around it and then protecting it. And anyone who dares to come close, we eliminate them. The boy says, "Do me a favor. I want to be plugged into the source of life. Can you just let me be?" He doesn't even understand the question in order to debate it. And that's why when children go around without clothes, nobody gets alarmed. That was before they ate from the eight. And now we understand, as we'll see, why it's called Das Das is the greatest thing. We love Das. If it's a channel, and if not, it's the worst thing in the world. It's where knowledge becomes the greatest trap. So the Gmorra asks how do we know the source of and what's the source? It says in did you eat from this tree is what's the connection? We found a a word in Bes maybe we should start banging by everybody should start banging h another gam fine go ask questions on a gammor you understand all the other gonas this is everything hmon is so how do you celebrate the defeat of hmon you go out of eightas you We're drunk. People think what's put him you get drunk so nobody knows what hit them. No is the hardest of it's much harder than yiperishing relinquishing completed the hardest avoid the drinking of pudd is is at best if you know what you're doing it's a little maybe but pudd is a very deep avoid I learned for many years by the bul khan. So put him fabang. So I had a friend. He was a big joker. Still a big joker. He was very good sense of humor. He was a l he loved joking. So he was sitting put him at the fabbrang and he was cracking jokes you know like people know. And turns to him says she says diner jokes. Those are good for tishabuff. Put him as a tug. Head off. He says your jokes are good for tishabuff. It's a serious day. Stop with your joke. It was very interesting. It was counterintuitive. Everybody thinks put him that's when everybody jokes, you know, everybody get but the truth is the truth is that we're learning pudding of hash. It's not a part wasn't created from a vacuum. It was created from it was created from the Jewish people realizing what it means to be a Yehudi. What the hatred of Hmon was about. They learned what it means to be a Jew from Hmon because they saw what he hated. What did he hate in them? It wasn't intellect. It was an of bit. It was this of that every Jew has. So they said if he hates it so much and he's ready to kill us for it, maybe we should find out what it is so that we could live with it. We could live for it. If this is so powerful that he's ready to kill every Jew for it, maybe it's also powerful enough that we could live with it. too much credit that they know what what they hate. We give them credit not in the sense of uh having priorities in terms of values but we give them credit in the fact that they are so evil and they know who their competition is. Evil knows its enemy. That's what we give them credit. Clipper knows Kadusha because you could see that after 4,000 years anti-semitism is as alive and fresh as it was 3,000 years ago. So something is strange. Feels like it's has to be there. It's like a different it's a different world today. There's nothing you go back a thousand years back there's nothing you can recognize in terms of technology in terms of lifestyle in terms of culture. But the anti-semitism is as primitive. behead Jews, rape them, and it's good. And it's it's even sophisticated in Harvard and MIT to talk about it. Harvard, MIT, Yale, you're talking about the bastions of progressiveness. This is what we celebrate about humanity. Harvard University, our academic progress, our medical progress, our technological progress. When it comes to anti-semitism, the primitiveness of Jenghis Khan and homor change. So you have to But what does that show us? It shows us that Jews are as relevant as ever. When you look in the ta, you say, "I'm choosing you to change the world." Okay, it's old news. You stood at Har, I took you out of M. It's old news. And for some, you see, it's not old news. It's fresh news. The energy of the Jewish people is so vibrant, it's so intense, it's so alive, it's so real, it's so visceral that even if we don't know it, look at them. They hate us the same like they hated the Jews of Pudd and Kaneka. Really? We What are we We're just just trying to make a couple of dollars and eat sushi. Let's face it. What are we already doing as Jews? What are we doing? We have a kadesh, right? What are they What are you hating? Even like what's their We know Jews, but what are you hating? What's their they hate so much? Well, do we like Chinese food? I mean, what? They something they can't but here you see that the kadusha of amol is the same by like by mhammed harina moa mat it's all it's the same Jews now exactly the same Jews that's what you see from it shows you the vibrancy of just from the hate that it attracts Why are we so relevant still? Like so the selfhate that some feel sadly is a denial of Yeah. Jews who go into self-hate. I understand it. The burden of this awareness is very intense if you don't surrender to it. So I would go to every if I was a Jew, if I was a certain type of Jew, I would go to all lengths to deny it. And that's why they blame themselves. It has to be Israel's fault because To say it's not Israel's fault means that we invested our whole life into the idea of progress, the idea of left-wing progress, the idea of humanity. We invested everything and it was all a lie. That's a very deep confession. It's very hard to say that German Jews couldn't believe what's going to happen. They were more German than everybody. They were loyal patriots. They knew the German poets and musicians better than the Germans. They served. They were loyal. They were intermarried. Come on. You want to say that my entire life was one big mistake? It's very hard to do that. So I will, it's called cognitive dissonance. I will manipulate reality to fit into me. That's it. That's why that's what they do today also. So if you could say that Israel, you know, there are Nazis in a partthead and like the nephesh Norman Finkelstein says that October 7th was like the wars ghetto uprising. The people in Gaza are like the Jews doing a waretto uprising. You don't empathize with the Germans that were killed in the warsto uprising. This is how a Jew speaks. So a Jew says this what's the that creates a so he's a sociopath psychopath probably but uh you have other Jews you know not not on that level it's a it's a it's if you're not rooted in and MS it's very hard you you create reality and you have to you have to believe in it that's I told you once about the lo right it says he procrastinated Why did light procrastinate so much? Light had a whole belvelt on showing is the future. Abramov was an old an alid who has strange faiths is is the future. And he did well. How do I know? Because he was hired to be the Supreme Court. He was a Supreme Court justice since day. That's what it says. And he had two daughters who intermarried with his dime. And he had another two daughters who were about to get married. So he was accepted. He was integrated. He was a Jewish success story. He even did plastic surgery on his nose. He got rid of his nose. So he doesn't look like a Makaya. He was the man. And he got to the Supreme Court justice. And then in one moment when he asked him not to hurt the guest, they looked at him and they said, "You're a dirty, filthy Jew. You're a G. You're a foreigner. You're going to tell us what to do. We'll hurt you more than them." And then when he told his sons-in-law, "Come, leave, he became a source of mockery. It was like the the the the cartoons and the sturmer of of of gobbles gobbles." his cartoons, you know, the the Jew the the hawk with the beak. He was a laughingstock. So suddenly his whole world fell apart. And the saying leave this is a place of destruction and he's stuck. He's paralyzed. He's stuck between a philosophy of 50 years that he believed in. But his better mind told him this was all fiction. It's not easy. You get stuck. It's very hard. When the Jews went into the new Judaism was a new reality loves us. You can even have land in the palace. What else do you want? You have the you eat spare ribs in's palace. So, they had they had everything. But it was a it was already have a new identity. A kashdesh loves me. Once a kashdesh loves me. So that's it. They gave up who they were. And it was it's hard. We understand why life was painful. So of it reinvented them not to be self-hating but really to be self-loving. And what's the real self? The real self was and in that they became so which level of hashem did they connect to? There was no names there in the millis estster. There's no names. There's no hisgallos. There was no revelation. That's like when the person surrenders everything. I have no name anymore. The moment you give up your name, you find yourself. You understand? The greatest obstacle to myself is my name. Huh? Especially if you have many. Especially if you have many names. Especially if you have a good name. Person invested their whole life in a name. name name. Now just let it go. But the name is the worst obstacle because the name limits me. The name forces me to hold up a name which is all counterfeit. It's just something I created because I didn't know who I was. So I created this substitute and then I invested with meaning and then I decorate it and then I get prizes for it and then I have plaques on the wall and I make a living from it and people like it and there's standing ovations. But it's all fake. And then there comes a moment of hash. There's nothing there. Are you ready to give up the name or you going to hold on to it and die with it? That's the moment you becomes transformed. That was the that was the greatest moment. And this was deeper than mirac. The real one who did it was Esther. Esther is the concealment. Esther went into Esther. Esther was was the impment. Esther experienced that concealment. She couldn't connect to the names. In migillous, you don't see Hashem's name because they touched the essence that's beyond the name. That's like the idea of that which a name can't capture. They became nameless inside themselves so they could touch it in reality. that which is nameless. So it wasn't anymore a particular gill of names are beautiful but it was they touch that which is beyond the name beyond. So where is Hashem's name in the migilla? Nowhere and therefore it's everywhere. If you want to put it in different words, you could say in other books, Hashem is present in the migillah, his name. In McGillis Esther, they realize that they are Hashem. They are manifestations of Hashem. There's no separation anymore. They are the deepest expression of Hashem's name. Their essence is Hashem's essence. Huh? Explain. What do you mean? That see you godliness or godly personality. That's what they hate. See, there's something godly about mundane, not like everyone else, not like there's something crazy about the Jew. That's what they see. They see that there's something insane about a Jew. There's a godliness and it's inexplicable. It's not mundane. It doesn't fit into everybody else and everything else. And they themselves don't know how to explain it. Even us, we don't know. Even Jews don't know how to do what to do with it. And because it's so hard to accept because you really have to surrender. Therefore, Jews will find every other explanation for anti-semitism. We're too rich. We're too poor. We don't have a state. We do have a state. Remember, every generation there's another reason why we should be hated. One generation is because we're communists. We're all communists. Oh, we became capitalists. Oh, that's the problem. We're capitalists. Oh, we're religious. We're religious. We're isolated. Okay, let's become secular. Oh, we're secular. That's the problem. We're going to undermine them from within. Okay, let's become relig. No, we believe. No, we don't believe. We don't have a country. We're just paria. We're just parasites. Okay, so let's make a state. We won't be par. Oh no, it's the state. Herzel said if he makes a state of Israel, there won't be anti-semitism anymore because the whole reason anti-semitism is the Jews are living off other countries, right? The French, the German, the Russian. If we have a state, everything will be good. So now the problem is the state. Now problem is that you have a who said you you're not allowed to have a country? You should live in Germany. You should live in America. So, so every generation, every few years it changes. The reason is because has nothing to do with any of this. Nothing to do with this, you're this, you're that, you're that, you has to do with it's the divinity in the Jewish people. It's hard for Jews to appreciate because it's hard for Jews to appreciate. So therefore, we're always trying to appease, you know, what's next? Okay, we'll go to this piss treaty. We'll go to this P. Okay, we'll give this away. We'll give this away. We'll give this away. We'll give this away. Oh, you still hate us? Wow, we must be more evil than anybody ever imagined. That's the conclusion of self-hating Jews. We're worse than the Nazis. So, this is the this is how Jews become sick because it's so intense that if you can't deal with it, you become a sick person. Actually, from not admitting who you are, you become sick. You become very sick. You're a tormented person. You don't know who you are. You're always busy being somebody else. And you're always busy placating and pleasing. You don't know who you are. You're a torn personality. You're torn into thousand pieces. You become a very sick person. There's like a schizophrenia on steroids. But you're also sophisticated. It's a it's it's it's a very deep it's a very deep pain. It's a very deep pain. And the only for this is adoada. It's still ego. Yeah, it's ego. But ego is is a very complicated word. You know, the word ego is not one word. Ego is like ego could be insecurity. You know, ego doesn't always look like ego. Ego looks like insecurity. Ego looks like fear. You know what else? Ego could look like generosity and kindness. Also ego. Ego could look like selflessness. Ego could look like I'm a peace lover. It's all but it's ego. It's ego. It's based on on on detachment. It's not based on truth. It's a substitute. It's a substitute for truth. It's a separation. I'm separated. But how it comes? It comes in a in a billion different forms. Sometimes it looks like an ego and sometimes it looks egoless, but it's still ego. Not believing your enemy that says they want to destroy you. not taking them seriously. That's the worst ego in the world. Where the Israeli leaders say, "We know better. We have a new Middle East." That's the worst ego in the world. It's you decided a paradigm of what life is supposed to look like, and you will force that paradigm into reality until it blows up in your face. What happened October 7th didn't happen October 7th. It happened 50 years earlier. Just the Israelis denied it. When one family is slaughtered in it, when they slit the throats of a bunch of little kids, one family, one family didn't happen October 7th. It happened 50 years earlier. They were just denying it. Denying, denying, denying, denying, denying because there's a reality that we created that fits into a secular democracy. Until it blows up in your face of 1500 Jews are slaughtered, what are you going to do? Nothing. Oh, there's nothing. There's no war. That's that's that's ego. That's a that's a sickness of ego. Yeah. We control. We have it figured out. We know who we are. We made peace with reality. Everything is working. It's a new Middle East. You're completely You're not in touch. And yeah, we understand why Jews can be controlled by an inner inner Yates that really wants to make them feel good. And it's hard. It's hard. It's not about judgment. It's about understanding the depth of reality. It's very hard. So the top Israeli leaders who have sacrificed their life for the Jewish people and for the Jewish homeland have made some of the most catastrophic mistakes, right? Affecting their people in devastating devastating ways. And all of them and right-wingers because at some point they were fighting and fighting and at some point they had to surrender. They're like, I we there's too much pressure. And when you're not rooted in your true self, right? You're not even sure this land belongs to you cuz we're not allowed to talk about God because we're we're seculars. Kamas doesn't have a problem raping and screaming Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah during the rape, right? And Jews are afraid to say that God gave us the land. We're not allowed to say that. So why are we here? Because the UN. But the UN now says you're not allowed to be there. So Oh, Balfur. Who the Who's Balfur? A guy in London. They destroyed a statue. Now the Palestinians destroyed Balfa's statue in England because he made the declaration that they can go back. But I'm telling you, you're busy with Balfa. You're busy with the UN. They care. You care. You understand? You live in cognitive dissonance. It's very, very hard. It's all an example of the same nuda. And the rebirth happens when the person lets go and they're recreated from nothingness. You recreate yourself into something real cuz you don't have to be. You just have to be a channel. You don't have to be. It's you get rid of the pressure of being. The worst pressure in the world is that you have to be. Imagine if you don't have to be. You know how nice life is when you don't have to be. Still don't know. To be or not to be, right? Or to be or to be not. To be not, huh? Every trigger can become a yamtiff. I don't know that every trigger can become a pudd. But every trigger can become a yamtiff. Every tri every trigger can become something connected to pudd every trigger can bring us closer to yada. Yeah, he's saying trigger. Every challenge, but he's saying trigger. In other words, those things that trigger us because we're trying to control. Every trigger is a form of control. You understand that, right? You're triggering me because I'm trying to control the situation and you're putting a a hole in my balloon. That's why you're triggering. That's what a trigger is. A trigger is some uh some uh hole was revealed in my world. Could be a small little thing. That's where the light comes in. That's where the light comes in. And that's where you have an opportunity to practice ad means I don't have to know. I could pause and breathe and say I don't know. It's fine. It's okay. not to know. I don't have to respond. I don't have to react. I don't have to be aim. I can create space for the confusion. I can create space for the pain. I can create space for the tor for the for the torment. I can create space for everything that I'm going through. I can create space for it. I don't have to know. I don't have to put it in a box. I don't have to control. I don't even have to get rid of it. I can create space for it. Then you know what happens? Then I can open myself up to a truth that will already come in. If I'm busy suppressing the trigger, then I never open myself up because I'm busy with y. I have to figure this one out. The moment I can open myself up and I could stay confused. So now I can actually become a channel for things that I didn't even imagine. I don't have to know how it's going to work out. I didn't create this situation. It's fine. I don't have to know. Just be a channel. Show up. But how can I show up if I'm busy fighting with reality? I'm busy fighting with my thoughts. I'm busy saying no. It's really like this. It's really I don't know what it's like. What if you did create the situation? You say you take credit for everything. Huh? No. You just take credit for blaming yourself as well. But even even with that, you can still don't have to know even the situations that we created. I assume that the part of us that created it was pretty pretty formed and molded by forces outside of ourselves. So it's not necessarily you're saying what you think you create might not be. Yeah. Even what we think what we take credit for creating it's not you know there's a lot of factors involved like who turned me into the person that created this situation was it only me like at age 25 I chose to become this person we all know the answer to that so we don't take credit for everything including not for all the destructive things either of once said he was a he said why do we say ashamnu in the plural ashamnu imagine you're confessing to somebody you hurt. Yeah. Let's say your spouse and you say we sinned. We come on. Me. I'm sorry. Don't say if I come to you say we are sorry. We we it's not we. So the of said he said knew you're talking to Hashem. So you're telling Hashem Hashem knew both of us. That's what the pin of courage said. Yeah. Yeah. You know that it's not so simple. I woke up one day. I became a Gazlin. I became a you you get some credit here. There's my DNA. There's my parents. This is my community. This is where I grew up. Animal soul. My animal soul, my brain, my coping mechanisms, my amygdala, the issues I faced, my survival skills, my coping skills. You all, you know that we my anger and temper, it came from nowhere. My disassociation came from nowhere. Yeah, I have to take responsibility because now it's my story. But let's face it, Hasham knew, but God knew. That's what he says. It's a pretty intense. What's his point? Oh, God is guilty. It's much deeper than that. It means if Hashem is there, that means we're on the way of we're on the path of healing. That's the vert. Okay, blame God. What do you want from me? You're the problem. It means something much deeper. If we were in this together, it means there's a there's a there's a redemptive opportunity. It means it means if you're with me in the valley of the shadow of death, then it's not dark. It's not evil. Darkness doesn't eclipse. That's the idea. So what looks like a sin, what looks like a dysfunction, what looks like destruction and it is and it creates havoc maybe is also an invitation and a catalyst for a different type of lash for disintegration of the ego for decomposition of the counterfeit self for the loss of the need to hold on to something that doesn't exist. Maybe that's what it means. So the destruction is really the demolition is really renovation. It's the beginning of renovation. Huh? You're cracking a neck to make an amolet or as he said, you create a crack to let the light come in. Huh? It's not your vart. Yeah. The blonard. What? No. You said what? He said, "When I was young, I worship perfection. Today, I look for everything that has a crack. That's what allows the light to come in." The crack allows the light to come in. It's such a profound idea because that's the idea of hashm there's a crack and when the crack is complete this, it's all light. It's not just the light comes in, it's all light. As long as there's a crack, the light comes in. It's the beginning. And then when it's cracked cracked completely, now all there is is light because really there was nothing but light. The only thing that was blocking the light was that I thought I have to substitute the light. I thought that I have to be God because I'm like ashik Hmon. Hmon worshiped himself and I have to worship myself. And even if I have God in my life, it's like there's two. There's me and there's God. You know, we bow down to each other. You bow down to me, I bow down to you. And when the person can really really give that up completely on an emotional level and relinquish that, then it's all light. And you you are that light. It's not like there's light and there's you. You are the light. There's nothing but the light. And that's where all healing comes from. And then I'm not triggered anymore. Because to be triggered, I have to be in a place of separateness. I have to be in a place where I'm trying to be something and you're ruining it. like you're trigger. Stop triggering me in that place. I'm not triggered. I don't I'm I don't have to be anything that I have to be triggered. I am I'm present. I'm fully present. I am the light. You're not triggering me. If you're triggering me, I'm I'm not the light. I'm still fighting. Now, I know we're not always in that space, but we want that as a reference point. And when we're not in that space, we want to be able to have compassion on the voices that are not in that space and not worship those voices, not turn into God. Hmon is hun and they're fine. There's a has a line in in one of the put it says in the migill about h right um what's the lion at the end of the migilla uh about the makavas of hmon uh mish at the end uh um you have it's very interesting how he touches it What's the whole uh guessing? Oh, do you have it has the migilla? It usually has the migill in the back. says the of right okay I don't remember the it's there's nothing of migillah so he said there's a over there in the migill the of hmonish that he thought so that he thought on the Jews. So literally means his plans, his thoughts, what he thought about the Jews. Says there's the go into a Jew. It's the Jew starts thinking and he thinks it's his. It's really Yeah. That's the Malik's. So that that and that that's the key. You say, I'm not going to be triggered. I am going to be triggered. I'm going to be triggered if I but if I can know it's the makavas of hmon then I'm good. Of course I'm going to be triggered. I'm not I'm not going to be in a space of 247. I mean I could try to be but it's probably not going to happen. But if I could say wow. Okay. Hmon you're triggered. I get it. Fine. I get it. H you're triggered. I get it. this as a reference point a few times. You have it in the he says is the of in the he planted his thoughts in the Jews. That's what he did. How how he thinks about life. Hmon is the ultimate trigger guy. You don't bow down to him, he needs to kill you. Why? It's like the guy comes home, his wife doesn't bow down to him, he goes crazy. Okay, he doesn't kill her, but he goes crazy. His children don't bow down to him, he goes crazy. Those are Hmon triggers. I am so insecure that if you don't bow down to me, I go crazy. You argue with me, I go crazy. I confront you. Either either I become a people's pleaser or I become an aggressive angry man. Why? But it's the same thing. Same thing. I can't deal with uh with with with my identity. I don't know who I am. So the forms are different. The forms can take on aggression or they can be very meek, very weak. But it's essentially at the core that the self is very very blemished. It's very flawed. as a reference as a reference point. There's no such a thing not to become triggered. If I'm triggered, I'm triggered. The worst thing is that you're triggered and you say, "I wasn't triggered." Because then you become passive aggressive. You understand? Oh, I I wasn't triggered. Why you're angry? I'm not angry. I'm never angry. I look angry. If you're triggered, you're triggered. Yeah. You don't want to deny it because if you deny it, it just comes out in all ways in ways. We want to acknowledge it. But when I acknowledge, I don't have to worship it. I can acknowledge that there's something painful here and have compassion for the fact that this is the way it feels I need to function. Every trigger is here to protect you in its own way. It has learned that this is what you need for protection. But the way it learned that is not by knowing who you really are and by knowing what your potential is. It's a little animal trying to do whatever it can to protect you. So if you say something to me, yeah, there's a the alarm in my brain goes off and says danger, danger, danger, danger. Smoke alarm goes on, danger. Something was felt dangerous. Maybe you argued with me, right? Maybe you asked me why I'm late. I don't know. But it taught me that there's danger here. So, my alarm goes off and I'm very triggered. What do I do now? Either I run out of the house or I attack or I freeze or I disassociate, but I'm not the same anymore because somehow there's a danger zone. Why is there a danger zone? Because the trigger felt that my survival is at stake and it has to warn me. There's a lion in the room. Be very careful. If there's a lion in the room, you can't be normal. Either you fight the lion or usually you run out of the house or you start hollering and you don't. The guy doesn't even know what happened. His six-year-old told him something. His 12-year-old said something, his wife said something, her husband said something. They don't even know what happened. But my brain is accustomed to a certain lifestyle and learned that it has to protect me. So, how is it going to protect me? This is what a trigger is. trigger is, "Oh my god, this woman is dangerous. This kid is dangerous. You better whip him into shape. You better you better run to you better get out of this relationship. You better scream. You better this is dangerous. Whatever it Whatever it looks like, those are the triggers. The triggers is something in me feels unsafe. So what happens? I don't have to worship it. There's a pain here. I don't have to figure it I don't have to control it. I can accept the fact that I don't know and it's difficult. It's painful. But you know what? I can accept it. I could quarantine it. I can let it have its space. And then I could say, is there a danger here? No. My kid just said they want ice cream. Whatever. They don't want to do their homework. Whatever. They don't want to do their parashit. They don't want to dress up for Purum. I'm not dressing up for Puram. Right. Is that like the biggest tragedy that happened since Minai that your kid doesn't want to get dressed for PUM? you get dressed for PUM. I'm just giving a an example, right? So what happens now? I could look at it. I can sense it. I can identify it. I can have compassion for it. And then I could say, I don't have to make all my choices based on it. There's no danger in this house. I love my wife. I love my children. I want to connect to them. I don't want to disconnect from them. So, what can I say that's going to connect me to my child? Oh, you nob in our house. I pay for everything. You can't put on your stupid mask. I paid on Amazon $190 so that our whole family looks the same and you're going to ruin our purim and therefore there will not be sim in this house ever again. And why did I even have you as a whatever? What? That's what triggers are like. I don't have to do that anymore. I could just connect to this child. It's hard cuz the trigger says there's a danger, there's a danger, there's a danger, there's a danger, there's a lion, there's a lion, there's a lion. Then you look around, who's the lion? Your wife is not a lion. She's a nice girl. Your kids, I don't think they're lions. They're kids. So, who's the lion? The answer is the lion is inside of me. My brain has been conditioned to these situations and I'm living this way and it's trying to protect me. Okay, that's what Hmon is. You don't bow down to me. I have to kill you because you are a danger. But Mardai doesn't believe in that. I don't have to bow down. I'm not going to bow down. I'm not going to surrender my truth. In Hmon's world, if you don't bow down to him, you're dead. It's danger. So, I could be like that. Or I could say, "Wow, I'm triggered." But you know what? I don't have to choose Hmon. I could choose Mikai. Make sense or not really? When it happens, nothing will make sense. Try it. It's very It's a very good exper It's a very good exercise. Try it. Make feel it. Sometimes you have to if you really do it, you'll start crying from emotion. It's very int. You feel it. You experience it and it's painful and you don't have to ar you don't argue don't argue with it. Mak didn't argue with Hmon. Hmon is hon it's hard. He has a big ego. It's it's hard. It's a survival mechanism. And then you you look at it and then and then you choose. You make a choice. And when you make a choice, you make a choice from your the place of your soul. Your nephew kiss. You say, "If there were no blockages whatsoever, what do I really want in this house? I want connection or I want disconnection. I want to fight with my kids or I want to be one with my kids. I want to fight with my wife or I want to one with my wife. What do I really really want? Really?" And you know exactly the answer. And the next thing that's going to come out of my mouth is going to bring me closer to that goal or further from that goal. It's going to make more connection or less connection. Yeah, but it's shabas. It's yumptive. It's put I got it. I know all the problems. We're not figuring out all the problems. It's it's it's a very it's a very deep moment. In fact, that's what hashem means. Hashem means that in a moment of trigger, you choose God over avoid. What does that mean in simple English? Mean you choose authenticity, vulnerability, connection, truth, oneness over the need to protect my coping mechanism and remain stuck in what for me has become survival completely stripped from my own authentic reality which I don't even know anymore because all I've been busy was figuring out how to survive. And when I'm figuring out how to survive, I don't know who I am. I'm just surviving. I'm not really I am not nothing that the awareness of this is is is magical and you have to be grateful when you get it. I'm not talking now philosophy. I'm talking visceral awareness. Okay, we're going to have a shir tomorrow morning Friday morning 7:45. Today we did it later because of the dvening and I hope nether to finish the I say bleed because you know why I say ble nether because I don't want to be over on a nether. So I hope tomorrow we'll finish the mime. I'm going after I'm going to so the next week and the week after I'm going to be in. So there won't be shirum for those two weeks. Amen. Gamat. So next week I'm saying after put we're not going to have for the next week and the week after we'll have between that and we'll have Yeah. of a mit of yeah and shabas so shabas is the regular just wanted to finish the m so we'll learn tomorrow okay should be where you going oh masle