Knowing What You Can and What You Can't Change About Yourself

the yeshiva.net so the mimer began explaining in chapter that we see a difference even in the world of tikkun the world of tikkun is the world of integration the world of correction the world of healing the world that was constructed after the world of chaos is that we have two aspects in our lives in our souls one is called midos one is called is basically the cerebral or cognitive faculties of a person our abilities to reason to analyze to dissect to understand to appreciate something intellectually and then there is middays and media is other emotions of a person the emotional reactions of a person and he said that there is a big major differences between them we operate they operate in completely different ways motion real intellect is all about growth and change i can understand something today one way but then you can explain it to me differently and i could see it from a different perspective i'm always curious and inquisitive somebody who remains stuck in a position and not ready to open themselves up to another position this is not a way of understanding anything this just means i'm stubbornly clinging to an idea without really being open to truth so the definition of miken is really the ability of growth and change i could rethink it see it in a different way look at it from a different angle appreciate another perspective focus in on a different point we all know in our lives you continuously can re-evaluate something see it in a new way and this must come from an openness to learning and openness to to be inquisitive to be curious and that's what reasoning is and if you learn gemara for example but this is really true about every wisdom but we see it clearly you know you learn gemara or you learn you learn tanakh and the commentators whatever you're learning there's always that process of this is the way we think about it but then there is a question so we rethink it but then there's another question so we come to another conclusion and then you rethink that conclusion there's always these changes these these shinoyum especially when you're introduced to somebody who may sometimes do somebody who may be greater in intellect and he may question something i said and then introduce me to an idea which may have been opposite of the way i thought about it before and he said because generally seiko is made up of pratim it's made up of of so many different details and so many different aspects and therefore there could be different focuses he says you grab something always from the edges and when you grab something from the edges whether you're grabbing a table or you're grabbing a cup or you're grabbing a box you grab something from the edges and the same is true in in in circle the edges represents that there is something defined there is something limited and you can grasp it you can grab it the concept of sahal is to define things to box them in i don't mean box them in to be limited to to to think only in a box or box them it means you have to have definitions descriptions way of ways of describing things and that's what edges mean you have cassavas there are defined ideas and then you can you can grasp it you can you can appreciate it you can detect it you can understand it and that's why one day i could see it this way and then there's another detail that i didn't notice or that represents something else and i could see it in a different way and now we continue inside the next paragraph in the mind mirror if you open the source streets it's page 142 the second paragraph you can go to the yeshiva.net and go to this mimer miraglum it's on the home page mimer miraglim and you'll see the source sheets on top of the video below the video view source sheets um 142 the second paragraph which are the emotional experiences of a person they operate in a different way they don't have changes and he'll explain what we mean by kavanaugh let's let's let's learn first before the questions let's see and we'll we'll ask later shane betoyk of gradle they have a tremendous intensity they are very strong very powerful take if means like takif even though through avoid through working on yourself one can create a change in their meetings in their emotional reactions that's true but the change the growth is in the seer in the form of the media not in its essence in its software not in its hardware in the way it's expressed channeled harnessed not at the core because versus motion are something that in their core essence they will not change an example that's brought for this is from avraham the media the channel that avraham avenue channeled throughout his life was midas he professed he possessed he was personified uniquely by the media of love the attribute of love is the past success possible avraham as a result of the test of the arcade of the binding of yitzhak his midais go through a tremendous transformation he cultivates the attribute of or of fear of reference commercial costs of atayadaitiki after the binding of yitzhak hashem says now i know that you are you really kim you have ira silicon you have awe of russia what's up to your daity now i know till this point of rahm's life was operating around the media of ava love here of rama venus was challenged he was asked by hashem to do something the exact opposite of ram his whole life fought against human sacrifice he fought against sacrificing another human being never mind your own child any human being certainly your own child remember that part of the pagan practices of the time and even of later times sadly and horrifically included child sacrifice that's why the terror is so adamant about the mailach right the idolatry called malach where they would pass their child through fires and other other forms of idolatry to uh to too painful even to graphically describe what parents did to children based on the pagan rites based on the pagan cultures and traditions of idolatry savrama vino fought his whole life against this type of immorality his paradigm was ava this is how he lived this is what he breathed this is what he viscerally experienced and this is what he gave to so many people that's why the stories of avramovin when the toyota revolve around his connection his affection his his extraordinary hospitality his outgoing nature to to publicize to promote to connect to people to bring in a new awareness into the world to fight for the underdog to protect the vulnerable and the innocent to feed the hungry and the destitute and this was a revolution in mankind of rama vinu hashem says you'll become a blessing for the nations of the world and then suddenly towards the end of his life there is a new test the test of the arcade and here we say we say every morning means he conquered his compassion here he had to take his child and bind him and offer him as an offering i mean not ultimately but this was the test so deposit says now i know that you're a really kim now i know not only about your attribute of ava but also your attribute of year of reverence which is a completely different mode that's a completely different experience but this was a momentary directive of hashem this was not redefining his entire life this was at this moment hashem wanted him to employ a different type of meda a different type of characteristic even at that moment the year the fear of separating from hashem came from love because love includes also the fear of disconnecting i love you so much i'm afraid of disconnecting from you this is a type of year that's an outgrowth it's a continuum of love you have a type of year i'm afraid i'm fearful or i'm an awe i'm in a form of reverence there's really a year that's essentially just an outgrowth of love you're too good i love you too much to be separated from you i'm afraid of the separation because the love is so intense what's the point here the point is in their core transformed from love to awe no it's that the ava now acquired or cultivated a new dimension also the media of year also the middle of awe but it's not that there was an essential transformation from a person who's filled with ava to a different media to ira the divine soul enclothed in the animal soul and the purpose is to work on your middles and to change your middle east there's a famous expression from the villain from the reps says that the soul came down to the world the main tackles the main purpose is to work on your middles this is discussed in many swarm the villenegon says this in the men's forum of musa and mahashava and kabbalah that the tactileness of the soul the divine soul coming into the animal soul is to be able to work on my animal emotions we all have animalistic emotions our natural dispositions our natural characteristics our natural emotional reactions natural could mean natural from birth natural because of how i was educated nature and nurture natural of what i have within my genes but lapil this is how how i'm reacting this is how i live and the purpose of avoiding hashem is to work on my middles not to take my middles for granted and this is one of the mistakes we make just because i am this way i'm reacting this way i could work on myself i have to work on myself it's not easy to work on yourself the laboratory was once for bringing he was once for blaming in the earlier years i think it was a schwa and uh schwa so maybe a somehow it was a yamcha and uh and the rebels said in the middle of one of the talks he said that you know real learning is hard you have to work on it but it doesn't come close to the hardship of of working on your medici of of redoing your medici you know your emotional reactions and your impul how you your impulses and and your your visceral responses to things he says to work on your medici is extremely difficult and and he picked up his hand to the crowd and he said he said proof toys veto zen try it and you'll see that i'm right try working on your middles you'll see that i'm right it's an avoiding dial it's a bigger void you also have to have direction how do you do it sometimes a person could work on their middles in the wrong way if they work on it with anger and with guilt then it can get even worse like the katsuki rebbe once said when you break a taiva so from one you get two you know when you break a cookie in half you split the cookie so now instead of one cookie you have two cookies so he said when you break your taiva right from one you get two you break your anger so for one you get two so you have to know how to work on your middles the working on the middles has to come from what we're going to learn about this but it has to come from a place that really allows you to fix to repairs he says that's true a person's tactile says about him and he uses big words means this is the whole purpose of a person so this means your wife tells you something your husband tells you something your child tells you something a stranger tells you something you get a text you get an email you got a what's up whatever it is and emotionally you react a certain way a person needs to know a person needs to know yeah i need to work on it this is this is part of growth working on my midness developing my middle understanding what's happening and learning how to work on my emotions on my attitudes on my responses he says that's all true he name it this means that i have made this that initially their expression their form is not good it's it's it's it's not the way it doesn't live up to my true potential and through my avoider i can redo them that they should express themselves their seer their form should be positive is how i experience my middles but the middles themselves don't change the same middles that were there before because of him actually these middles themselves are now in a positive form and a positive tier if you say them is that furthermore where a person transforms his life from one extreme to another extreme even in shiva the main avoider is in the form of the middle the software of the middle the way the media is expressed but again not in the core essence of the media that doesn't change that's who the person is take for example a transformation from guru mode to accent mode queer strength benevolence shall avoid for example let's say you have a person who's angry you just get angry you know you're you're you're you're triggered there's a there's a profound anger there and you're getting angry you get angry this one disagrees with me i'm angry spouse disagrees with you you're angry your child disagrees with you you're angry your friend disagrees with you you're angry and it's an anger that contradicts and it runs contrary to the whole mitzvah you should be tolerant you should love your fellow like you love yourself a tenure of closeness connection but this cause this anger is undermining me and it's very real i'm just it's part of my middles and i can feel it and i can experience it so one of the ideas he says that a person really re-channels it instead of getting angry at people you really love and that people you should be close to get angry at negativity stop tolerating abusive behavior stop tolerating things that run contrary to hashem's will that's number one regular avoider this is the type of shin we channel your middles does something even deeper actually that a person really can transcend anger because even anger at those who transgress hashem's will this is also not the purpose the gemara says famously in brachas that the purpose is the sins should end not the sinners is that i should completely liberate myself from anger but but still that doesn't mean that the core of my media has been transformed if this is who i am this is who i am i'm still that person of guru elish it's just expressed in a different way kemai for example what is mean is expressed means somebody who's introspective and there's an element of meridius meredith means remorse introspection i experience miritas from the word murder there's this there's a bitterness i'm very aware and i'm very sensitive of different flaws um or a certain form of introspection and introvertedness but in a good way manuscript usually is like sadness melancholy but i mean he says in a good way what do we mean in a good way my opinion has mother for example somebody who becomes a diligent diligent learner which generally comes from a little mother you know people who are who are more social and more extroverted it's hard for them to sit and focus and learn people are more moderate you know you call them anti-social they're bookworms so he says this is a positive outlet it's not to get depressed and not to get better not to get further just to put in your energy into internal growth certain positive things that come from a disposition that is more introverted more alone more solitary more melancholy the same is true the opposite somebody who's in the line of khasit in the beginning sometimes it can also be expressed not necessarily in a good way somebody who's completely uninhibited there's no boundaries there's no limitations it's called klippa's plishtim the husk of plisht and plishtim comes in the word foolish complete openness says but it was not a hazard that was channeled in a positive way but the article but it's a person there's absolutely no no boundaries no restrictions no limitations no inhibitions and it reproduces you know it says it could be ultimates it says clip the camaro says that clippers pushed them was lutzones you know it looks like fun this type of mockery and fun but it's not a fun that that is is is rooted in the deeper values of a person deeper spiritual values of a person so he says this type of happiness even if truth helps you transform it you still remain in this cave in this mode moral of aina means the opposite of maharashtra they would attribute moods to the different goals you know the black gull the gallbladder the the the the black one and the white one and the red one and the green one so there's mural of veiner and mothershire the merlot vein is the expression for somebody who's i'll leave it the command she's at marilla vein the white gull white bladder black is more more uh more melancholy more more sad it's a different expression so he remains marilla vine this is one of the big differences between the mushroom of a person in the middle yes have an intensity their core is extremely powerful they're not changing motion the idea that i had tomorrow or the next year or in 10 years if i'm really open i can completely reverse the theory completely reverse my understanding of it and that's what real machine is always change always growth he says middles even with avoider even i work on myself so i work on channeling my midas how they're going to be expressed how they're going to be manifested it may not only be channeling it may be even that the whole media is is expressed in a completely different fashion it's not just the same media the same attitude expressed in for different people or different ways but the whole media itself takes on a different shape yes it takes on a different shape unpliable i'm flexible takes on a different format it comes out in different ways but the core middle remains in the person that you're not going to change even avramavino akada brought out but essentially he remains the middle of ava different souls have different middles and the core of the middle you're not going to change that remains and you can't get frustrated about that and because you have to really appreciate that the core midday i can work on how i understand the media how i process the middle where it comes out what it's accomplishing what it's doing who is it being expressed in what context and that's all important to work on he says that's the purpose of the person to work on your middles but the midday itself that's all the software but the hardware of the mid well he spoke three levels here just changing the software just changing the hardware and then there's the chip he says the software that's what a person has to work on yeah so for example i'm angry i'm an angry person yeah get angry at the right at the right people and the right things there's a deeper level where i don't want to get angry i'm going to go beyond anger but still the core of the core of the anger is going to come out it's going to come out in a different way i'm going to repackage so to speak the entire expression of the media i'm sorry what you asked yeah that's what he's going to escape why is this why is this so let's look let's look at the next two lines the next three lines gimbal is the reason that in the middles themselves there's no changes is because middays reflect very hard to translate these words they are rooted hashrasher comes the word shirish something is mushroosh means it's rooted they are rooted in the core of the soul mamash and that's why midos will never change because in the core soul there's no changes and midos represent something that is embedded even if it's in an undefined way shutters and this is what he goes on to explain now in the continuation of this mime of this section of the minor what's the point here what is the point here this is a very very powerful idea in life understanding how middles work interesting yeah so musculus with shyness means that even in in cognition in our cerebral abilities any branch of wisdom has you know certain paradigms the rambam has a cipher called milos meaning words of of how how it's basically about linguistics and how to define things and how to think about things so over there he says that there's some basic paradigms without which you can't continue he says for example is a part smaller than the whole or identical to the whole or larger than the hull he says you have to accept that a part is smaller than the hole and then we can get to the next step he says you have to accept that something that's square has corners and then we can go to the next step those are called musculus with shyness you know basic basic paradigms at some point even in much more complex and sophisticated branches of wisdom there's going to be a y y y y y y y and then okay that sounds familiar and then at some point it's going to be azo so that's musculus with shyness so you're saying me does have that nakuda i understand what you're saying very well said the point here is that when you talk about the real middah yeah there's uh there's a therapist i know he's a very successful therapist so he told me once that i asked him how do you know that you're getting through to somebody in a real way so he says you know i'll i'll talk to a patient and i'll ask him about his life or her life and i'll say you know why do you think you're feeling this way you know they come in i'm feeling you know i'm frustrated i'm angry i'm overwhelmed i'm never happy [Music] i'm sad i'm depressed i just want to run away i'm detached whatever your whatever your you know your visceral reactions are and uh it's very uh it's very intense it's very intense just i'm miserable you know i'm just i'm miserable and he says you know the first thing is i'm curious i start asking you know why you angry why are you miserable why are you upset what is going on you know and they'll start describing things of their life and their reactions to it and they'll have a reason why do you think you're reacting this i'm because this but why this because this why because there's always an explanation why why why why why as long that as they're explaining he says i know that i haven't touched the real self we're still dealing with very superficial expressions he says and then at some point you go deeper and i'll ask but why is this important to you well it's important to me because i want respect or i want validation or i want to feel important but why is it important for you because i want this because i want that and the person will often have another answer and then we peeling layers and layers and layers and he says and then at some point could be after nine months could be maybe after a few years could be after a few weeks that depends where the person is and then i'll say but but why is that important to you and why does that trigger you so deeply what is this doing to you what is it touching in you and why because the person will just you know put down his head and maybe a tear or a few tears will come out of their eyes and the person will just shrug their shoulders and say this is who i am this is me i don't have a reason i don't have a reason this is what i want this is this is me this is part of what the ebb is saying here i can work on so many aspects of my medias but ultimately he says you're going to go back to the core the media is mushrash it's a reflection of the hashrash it's the internal design of a person at their core that's what the media is reflecting the media is reflecting the hashrash every soul every nephesh every nephew there's that which is embedded in it it's it's it's what it comes with this is what this soul is like it's what's rooted in a very deep deep way and it's not clearly defined because the soul is not defined that's why he calls it means it's simple it's undefined but it's rooted in it it's rooted and the media is expressing that the adam can change i can't change the core of my soul i can't become not me i don't have to become not me i have to be able to accept that and embrace that there's a lot of work with me thus but the work is not to change the atom the etsa mahmeda the work is to understand what i'm really looking for and to be able to express it in a healthy productive meaningful way the question is how do you know if you're experiencing your intrinsic media or a trauma in you that's the big question that's the question of today's generation how do you know what you're experiencing and i think that's what we're going to be learning here and that's the value of understanding this a trauma i can confront a trauma i can even understand to a certain degree i can see it unfolding trauma basically hijacks me my real media expresses me and that's a very big difference trauma hijacks me it abducts me it makes me not me it puts me into a prison what is trauma trauma is basically living life from a very restricted and narrow place that's what it does my reactions are coming from a very narrow place i'm like in prison i'm like in solitary confinement my reactions are all ex they're all expected it's like here we go again because it's like frozen you know the the neuroscientists and and and psychologists speak about how how you know the amygdala the limbic brain the reptilian brain it's like it's like frozen in time and 10 years later 20 years later i'm still reacting from that space it's like the fire alarm is sounding all the time and i'm always in this fight or flight mode so what trauma is doing is it's not expressing me on the contrary it reduces me to a very small reptile or a big reptile maybe an alligator or a crocodile that depends on the situation if you have if you're a big guy you're a small guy but basically it reduces me it doesn't express me we're talking here about the media that when you go deeper and deeper and deeper i can the trauma will cause my needles to be channeled in unhealthy unproductive sometimes immoral sometimes destructive and pitiful ways and ruin my relationships with myself and with my family and with other people and certainly with god so working on my middles is that i want to make sure that the trauma is not obliterating and and obscuring and eclipsing and crushing and repressing and amputating the flow of my emotions freely uninhibitedly in a free and emancipated way so the exact opposite so trauma takes your middah and forces it into a particular mode and that it's expressing itself in a very very petty way trying to survive based on the skills that it has learned based on its traumatic experience am i making myself clear working on my midos means absolutely working on my meetings means getting through all that so the rebbe says it's not changing your media now this is an unbelievable idea because sometimes we think in life i have to get rid of myself and become a new person he says no no no in the world of michigan is a world where change is necessary and essential and that's the beauty of it you learn and you learn more and then you reverse your theories and you re you re and you discover new ideas and sometimes you have to regret and and and and and realized that i made a mistake and that's the concept that's what a healthy mind is about that's what a healthy mind does there's always growth and change and transformation and somebody who's stuck in a particular idea for eternity they're just they're stuck that's also a trauma drama is stuckness trauma is detaching you from infinity from growth from options from availability to real growth now sometimes people in their motion are well are doing well but their middays are like trapped so motion is always changes always changes this is meadows there's a lot of changes in the expressions and the manifestations how it's being channeled what it looks like but the core of the media this is who you are there's no why why do i need this this this is who i am i don't have a why it's not logical it's called amazing words the court the court the core of the media is ms it's not a lie it's not a trauma it's not a lie it's basically the soul that god that god designed it's not about it's not about control it's here's the question are we able to identify a tangible core media that remains stable even as expression of it changes how could we describe this okay that's a great question it's going to become clear as we continue learning very happy to know that we aren't supposed to change our true essence especially even avram of inu did not now i understand better that working on yourself right understand better the working on even on a positive media that may be out of balance yeah yeah sometimes you have something positive but it's out of balance so there's always a lot of work but what's the work the work is get the trauma out of the way let them meet the shine let your true values come out right let the media be an expression of my true values and that's inner work it's inner work it's inner awareness it's opening myself up to what's going on in me but it's always opening myself up to what's going on in my truth in my own truth and respecting respecting my soul really respecting the design of my soul that's the idea of meda me this decry is a lot of inner self-respect this is my channel this is my avoider this is who i am this is who god made me to be my kin allows me to understand things that are not me that's the beauty of intellect i can understand things that are not me i can understand you and you're not me and i can respect you okay we'll take a break here wishing you all a beautiful and inspiring day right yeah very well i think you said it well and the question is and now the question is each and every one of us you know we have to remember that to work on our middle east he says this is the whole purpose of a person i think what the katsuki remember i think what the katsuka rebbe meant was that you have to know how to work on your meters if i just break them it's like if i'm angry that i'm angry so i'm gonna suppress my anger i'm not really dealing with it i'm i'm making it worse yeah in fact in fact i would say i would say that behind all the trauma there's a core media that we have to cultivate and caress and embrace it's very individual it's very it's very this obviously collective trauma but it's also individual and and really i would say that's what it seems to me that that what trauma does is it diverts my media it it obscures it it it it confines it the word i'm looking for for is it uh it chains it that's what it does it literally puts it in chains you know a lot of discussion now about get abusers right our goodness and this what what is that the expression of ghazal is don't keep a woman in chains but we emotionally what is that emotionally that it's the concept of trauma chains me it puts me in chains that's what it does one second and damage yeah i don't even know my core media anymore i'm just trying to survive now it may have helped me the trauma taught me skills of survival fight flight space out detach get angry jump out the window you know what i mean it may have saved me and that's why you have to be thankful to it and have compassion for it one second but i can't now become a victim to which i want to peel away the layers and get to my pure my pure medium my pristine media which is not bad which is not bad i may have to see how it was channeled maybe it was channeled in the wrong way you know i'm very very angry at the chord is guru there i'm very sensitive to certain things yeah guru is sensitivity i am sensitive that's what people think guru means you're not sensitive no you're very sensitive there's an intensity because i'm sensitive now i'm expressing that sensitivity by screaming and by getting angry and by hollering your your soul came down to work on your meadows discover your inner gura discover what you're really looking for and when you discover what you're really looking for you'll find a pristine beautiful little gura you don't have to channel it this way you have to respect what guru really need say mr hassan yes it is i'm looking for very deep relationships connection yes that includes i need attachment approval validation i feel connected i feel important i'm just giving different examples now it may be expressed in a very traumatized way it may have been encumbered or suppressed or in shackles or amputated or or leaking out in all types of strange ways which are not really helping me if i can peel away the layers and i can get to the core the core is is the cord this is this is who you are seems like the key is achieving balance even within the positive core which is your essence yeah that's part of it okay how to start enjoy your day and make it a meaningful one and uh one of filled with integrity and honesty one in which your and our highest angels are manifested thank you this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot the yeshiva.net donate