Jeremiah & Churchill: Confronting Fear and Depression

the yeshiva.net this is a loaded evening in the jewish world an evening that is charged and has been charged throughout jewish history in such a powerful way the night of tish above charged in a dual way charged with so much sadness grief of a long bloody challenging history but equally charged with fortitude resilience and hope the dual identity of tisha b'av is best expressed in the talmud the jerusalem talmud the talmud that was composed in the holy land interacted brachus where our sages say that as the base amiktas was being destroyed there was a jew plowing his field in the judean deserts and an arab bedouin taking a stroll heard the cow of this jew giving a grunt a moo and the bedouin arab told the jews stop plowing your field because your temple was just destroyed this was a bedouin who can sense and appreciate and perceive the language of animals and he felt in the grunt of the bull of the cow the destruction a moment later the cow gave another grunt and the arab bedouin told the jew you can resume your plowing because my shian shall israel your mashiach was just born this is the dual identity of tish above loaded with so much past pain and loaded with so much charged hope because jews always understood that the end is always a new beginning and as one window closes another window opens one of the most acute and enigmatic statements about tish above was stated in the talmud it captures the day and our history in such an interesting fashion but one which can really teach us so much about the past the present and most importantly the future it's talmud tractate gittin the fifth chapter where the history of the destruction of jerusalem is recorded in quite elaboration a lot of with a lot of elaboration and detail and there's a story there it's a famous story but i want to discuss one line at the end of the story about a fellow who invited his guest he made a big party and he had a messenger invite his best friend come to to the party by mistake the messenger invited his arch enemy bar kamsa parkamsa comes to the party and the host decides to expel him and publicly embarrass him and shame him nobody says a word as he throws out his arch enemy from the party and this man barkamps and decides to go to the roman emperor and tell him that the jews revolted against you what's the proof send an animal a lamb for a sacrifice and they won't accept it because they have declared war on you what did this jewish informer do he blemished the lamb in its eye knowing that the jews won't be able to sacrifice a blemished animal and this would authenticate his statement that the jews have at last revolted against rome the temple was there the lamb arrived to the basamiktas to the same holy temple and the sages said we have to sacrifice this offering despite the fact that it's blemished because it came from the emperor and for the sake of peace we have to violate the rules after all to save a life never mind the life of a nation of a people of a city of a country we certainly can break almost every law in the torah there was a great sage his name was rapskaria said we can't people will think that you're allowed to sacrifice an animal that has a blemish we cannot do that so they said okay we have only one more option we have to kill the informer because if we don't offer this lamb as an offering he's going back to the roman emperor and informing that the jews have revolted against rome which will spell disaster catastrophe it will spell our doom we have to kill him if not we are all dead and sky yep skyrim of killers the talmudic sage says we can't it's going to create a terrible precedent people will think that for somebody who creates a blemish in an animal in a sacred animal there's death penalty that's not fear that goes against the war so what do we do you can't sacrifice the animal because it's blemished you can't kill the informer because you don't get killed for making a blemish an animal they did nothing they didn't sacrifice the animal they didn't kill this man he went back and reported the jews and the talmud concludes the narrative review and said it was the humility the humility of skarya benafkilus which is responsible for the destruction of our home the decimation of our commonwealth the exile of our children and the khurban the decimation of the basa mikhters the holy temple now i want to ask you a question how does the talmud summarize the whole disaster and the whole tragedy in this line the humility of skills as though this is the story i mean let's face it rome has conquered to the world rome has governed the middle east rome was the sole master of judea the local governors were all puppets in the hand of rome rome was brutal ruthless cruel and tough there was a debate among jews to revolt against rome to surrender to rome a great great debate ultimately the jews revolted and rome crushed the revolt destroyed the second temple in the year 70 after the common era on the ninth above murdered count mortared enormous quantities of jews exiled the rest sold many into slavery decimated jerusalem and the temple and crushed jewish life the fact that we're here today and we can talk about it while the roman empire is only in wikipedia is itself an extraordinary miracle the talmud rib yoshina who was one of the greatest sages living two centuries later the editor of the jerusalem talmud he lived in the third and fourth century after the common era he says that it was the humility of this sage who refused to sacrifice the lamb or to kill the informer and that's what destroys the temple i mean it's a funny way and a strange way to sum up such a epic tragedy such an epic catastrophe in the life of the jewish people and jewish history one that has altered our existence over the last two millennia and it's all summed up in one line the humility of was responsible for all of it my dearest friends it's in this one line that our great teacher reby provides one of the most immortal and powerful lessons and that has to do with the destructive power of fear in human life and in jewish life there are two types of humility there is humility that empowers and there is a type of humility that smothers humility that empowers as a humility that opens me up to the mystery of infinity that allows me to go beyond my bias and blind spots that allows me to be more mature wise humble perceptive it allows me to listen to grow not to get stuck in the quagmire of my insecurity or my arrogance it allows me to transcend fear to open myself up to possibility and to always be curious and inquisitive it's the gift of growth but there's another type of humility fake humility it's the humility that stifles creativity it smothers talent it's the humility that snuffs the energy and soul out of you the humility that speaks in my brain and tells me your life was a failure and will be a failure it's the humility that tells me this day started off on their left foot and it's going to end that way it's the humility that tells me i am a loser i'm incapable i'm incompetent it's the humility it's the narrative i tell in my brain my marriage can't be successful my relationship with my children can't be successful my life cannot be a story of success of joy of happiness of meaning of fulfillment it's a story of depression of sadness of dejection of incompetence of emotional and physical and financial and spiritual and psychological stagnation failure it's a story of anxiety and stress reps was a great man but review was saying there was a tragedy of he that he possessed that he had and it was characteristic of the generation false humility surrendering to the belief that i cannot change my reality that i am incapable of accomplishing anything that i am basically predisposed to a certain life and there's nothing nothing nothing i can do about it if i struggled in my youth with a particular challenge that is the trajectory that defines the future of my life we're all born into certain circumstances and we just live out a script of somebody else says listen we're stuck this guy he's connected to rome can we sacrifice the animal we can't sacrifice the animal it's against the law we can't kill him it's against the law and therefore he remains indecisive the moire and i in rebecca of chernobyl goes a step deeper he says this great sage had prophetic inspiration and he knew that the temple is destined to be destroyed and therefore he felt what's the difference we'll sacrifice the animal will kill him it won't make a difference at least let's maintain the jewish law and he didn't realize that the jewish people have the power to alter decrees to transform reality we are never ever victims of circumstances we are partners of the divine in the work of creation as the talmud says shabbas 119. you're a full partner in the enterprise of your life you're an author of your own biography never allow the narrative in our brain the trauma that sits in our bodies to predict hopelessness this is a form of learned hopelessness where are essentially my my brain just naturally and instinctively goes down the road of despair of negativity of anxiety of stress of toxicity humility that opens me up to possibility is a blessing that's moses's humility but humility that just drains me from my energy and tells me how stupid i am and how miserable i am and how everything is going to work out in the bad in a negative way that is humility that destroys your base collectively and individually the humility that destroys our opportunity inside of our hearts to turn our lives into beautiful divine abodes to take my heart and turn it into a beta migdash to take my home and turn it into a sacred sanctuary to take my marriage my relationships with my children with my grandchildren with my loved ones with my friends with my community and turn it into a space where the divine presence dwells into an atmosphere an ambiance where there is positive energy where there's holy energy instead it's a type of fake humility and self loathing and denigration which causes me to be exiled from my own soul which causes my own sacred sanctuary to go up in flames it decimates my creativity and it destroys and stifles and obstructs my finding my inner light my inner potential my inner power as a divine ambassador in this world an ambassador of love light hope wisdom authenticity redemption contrast that story of humility with another individual who lived one century later his name was rabbi akiva rabia he lived in that century plus the next century his name was rabbi akiva and ruby akiva who observed the destruction comes from that generation one's visits the temple mount post-destruction this is a few decades after 70 it's somewhere around 100 after the common era a few decades after the destruction somewhere in that time uh somewhere that zip code as they say we don't know the exact year it's a story in talmud at the end of marcos and rabia kivan his friends his colleagues visit temple mount and what do they see they see a fox emerging out of the holy of holies and this fox is actually playing around in the place where once upon a time just a few decades ago the high priest went in on him kipper only once a year to this sacred space and all the sages start weeping rabi akiva's friends and he starts laughing kvelling and they turn to him and they say rabbi akiva why you kvelling why are you so jubilant why are you so exuberant why are you happy and like a good jew you don't answer a question you answer a question with another question right what's the minute in south africa you answer questions with questions i know that's the meaning of new york so akiva says why am i laughing why are you guys crying they say how could we not cry this is the space where the torah says that even an israelite a israel who goes in without permission dies from the electricity from the infinite electricity it's like atomic divine energy only the high priest goes in on yom kippur to this space and look a fox foxes are hanging out here and rabbi akiva says that's why i'm laughing that's why i'm expelling because there are two prophecies in jewish history one prophecy predicts that zion will be plowed like a field another prophecy says one day the streets of jerusalem will be filled with the voice of jewish children and jewish elders men and women who will stroll the streets of jerusalem jerusalem will be rebuilt two prophecies one is absolute decimation it will be like a plowed field that is what will be left of jerusalem and of theon of zion and another prophecy says no jerusalem will be bustling with jewish life and holiness and vibrancy and joy the famous words of jeremiah which we recite at every wedding and during the shava brachas the most beautiful expression of jeremiah akiva said as long as one prophecy was fulfilled i didn't know if another prophecy is going to be fulfilled but now that i see that a fox comes out from the holy of holies zion indeed became a plowed field that became a wilderness where foxes can feel comfortable to roam now i know the second prophecy will also be fulfilled jerusalem will be rebuilt and they turned to rabbi akiva and they said twice akiva you have comforted us you have comforted us akiva like the great prophets and the great sages even amidst doom they never surrendered and never resigned to the spear to hopelessness to the feeling that it's all over rabbi akiva understood that zion is plowed like a field but he uses that prophecy for a reason because plowing really destroys the earth it turns over the earth that kills the earth but there's only one reason so that it should be able to be fertile and one day we'll be able to produce exquisite produce vegetation splendid trees or grain or legumes that will grow bushes and trees and shrubs and vegetables and fruits that will grow from the plowed field review understood that the plowing of a zion ultimately even if it's painful and even if it triggers profound sobbing and sadness which is tisha buff is also a birth it's the beginning of a birth it's the beginning of a new era one window closed one door closed but a new opportunity opened up because understood that a human being we don't live in the space of helplessness of resignation of the spear each and every one of us is conceived in love each and every one of us was sent down to this world to bring light into darkness the story of history is a story from exile to redemption we never ever give up not our in ourselves not on other people and not on the world we don't believe in an in the statement that says everything is going to fail we're incapable rebecca understood every challenge is an opportunity every obstacle must become a resource a springboard a catalyst for rejuvenation as in jew for renaissance for rebirth rabbi akiva learned this in his own personal life you know for 40 years he did not learn torah and for 40 years he was considered an ignorant man he worked as a shepherd and then and then he became the greatest sage of his time the talmud says in sanhedrin the entire body of the oral tradition comes from rabia he shared with his students one day he says let me tell you how my education began he said once i started to learn torah and i was on the way to the school to the yeshiva and i saw a corpse a mace mitzvah there was nobody to bury it so what did i do i lifted up the corpse and i went to a cemetery he had to travel he had to walk i don't know if it was a kilometer a few kilometers until he found the cemetery and i buried the corpse i came to the yeshiva and my teachers asked me where were you why'd you come so late and with pride i told them the story i found the corpse and i went and i took it and i walked all this way to a cemetery and i buried it and they said rabbi akiva akiva it's amaze mitzvah the jewish law is that when somebody finds a corpse and nobody's taking care of it there's no family there's no friends there's no community to tend to it so when the jews came into israel joshua made a condition that may smith's vaccine you have the right to bury it where it was found if it can be buried there the earth is conducive to be buried there it can be buried there out of respect to the body so they they told rabbi akiva a cop ciopsia every step you took was a mistake it was wrong it was disrespectful to the corpse so the student taurabi akiva wow that must have been an embarrassing humiliating moment you thought you're doing the greatest mitzvah and then you get a smack in the face and he said no that was not the great beginning of my failures that was the beginning of my growth ruby akiva understood the secret of life every mistake is a mistake only if you don't learn from it if a mistake becomes a catalyst for education it's not a mistake anymore it may have been the best thing you ever did in your life because it taught you so much rebecca says that mistake became the genesis of growth i learned how to start looking at things i learned from my teachers how much how important it is to understand the circumstances to know the details to know the tradition it became a springboard for tremendous intellectual academic and spiritual growth there's an old story they say about henry watson the legendary boss of ibm he had a manager a senior manager who was a very loyal employee and one day he made a tragic mistake in the company it was so bad it cost the company 10 million dollars and this fellow this manager who felt terrible came into henry watson's office the next morning and he gave him his resignation papers and he said listen i'm resigning from the job you owe me nothing i owe you the world and i don't have the money to pay you back but the least i can do is leave the company don't give me anything there's no debt no severance pay nothing and i can just apologize to you for what i have done i have no words to express my remorse and my regret for my terrible terrible mistake and i'm just leaving and i hope you know i wish you success and watson looks at him and says are you crazy where you going he says well i feel i owe it to you to resign i cannot be a responsible ethical person and hold on to this job after what i have done to you and the head of ibm said are you insane you're not going anywhere i have just spent 10 million dollars on your education you are not leaving this place this is called a proper perspective in life a mistake is only a mistake if it remains that way but if it becomes a springboard for education then my mistake becomes the strongest point in my life every one of us made mistakes every one of us has caused holy situat holy sanctuaries to be destroyed consciously or unconsciously willingly or inadvertently because of circumstances within our control or beyond our control because of intergenerational trauma or because of fear and insecurities and skeletons and demons that i have in my psyche and some of you may even have in south africa as well i'm not sure i don't know if skeletons make it through the ocean to the continents but perhaps there's a couple in johannesburg as well we have all made mistakes we have all created situations that we look back and we say ah i caused the destruction the greatest tragedy is when that allows me to surrender and resign to fear and despair says he teaches us and he says no don't you realize when the field is plowed it means it's the genesis of a new beginning of a new growth this jerusalem will one day be filled with voices of laughter and song with voices of joy and optimism with voices of life and purity and jewishness and holiness and redemption another false humility destroys us real humility liberates us it emancipates us it becomes a new precedent of extraordinary extraordinary growth and yet the question that we so often ask ourselves is but what do i do with all of those toxic forces in me what do i do with all that fear that sits in me is so deeply embedded in me what is the secret what is the contrast between those two mindsets the mindset that ultimately leads to failure and stagnation and paralysis and the mindset that leads to renewal to creativity to rejuvenation we know there are two mindsets but what is the difference between the approach of skype in the talmud in gittin and the approach of rabbi akiva in talmud at the end of tractate makais they tell an old anecdote about a jew who was very very pessimistic extremely pessimistic human being always predicted doom for his life and one day he was doing his job which he despised which was basically loading a train that basically would take food products long intercontinental journeys and this was a particular car in the train where he loaded all types of dairy and therefore they had to be that to be refrigerated the this car in the train was refrigerated usually refrigerated and he loaded it with milk and with ice cream and with cheese and with yogurts and with butter and with dairy creams etc he finishes loading it then he wants to leave the train it's going on a long journey 30 40 hours and the doors close and it starts moving oh yvava he's pounding on the door he's screaming for whatever reason his cell phone died so there's nobody to talk to when he realizes he's now going to be 30 40 hours in a trade refrigerate it what a way to die in a refrigerator freeze to death he takes a pen he finds a piece of carbon and he writes his last will to his family and this pessimist begins he says i always knew that something like this would happen to me i would get stuck in a train and freeze to death in a refrigerator for 40 hours my life was miserable and my death will be miserable i hope that your lives are a little happier than mine he concludes with some good wishes signs his name the train arrives at his destination the doors open up and the people come to workers come to unload all of the merchandise all of the dairy foods and to their shock and dismay they see a man laying on the floor they rush the doctor they rush the doctor to the scene he checks out the person he has all the symptoms of hypothermia all the symptoms of a person who was in a refrigerator for so many hours and the doctor is perplexed why the refrigerator was off it but it's so true of life if you believe you can or you believe you can't you're probably right when my my brain just is trained to go to the negative spaces of fear and helplessness and hopelessness it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy can i create new neural pathways in my brain not to right away gravitate to that place of incompetence to that place that i'm going to freeze it's going to be a tragedy you have to be able to observe your brain doing that because you're bigger than your fear you're larger than your anxiety you're larger than your stress you're larger than your flaws your soul is a piece of divinity your neshama is a helicom i have to be able to observe how my brain functions and watch it something happens somebody says something to the situation in the house and boom right away i'm gravitating to the negative and already i'm anxious and i'm afraid and i'm angry and i'm furious and my temper is exploding relax take a deep breath don't go into a mode of corbin don't go into a mode of destruction watch it watch your patterns of thinking and then tell yourself the truth i am a piece of hashem i am a manifestation of infinity in this world i am a mirror of god's light i am an agent of hashem's wisdom power compassion courage god is confident i'm confident because i'm a reflection of hashem god is invincible i'm invincible because i'm a reflection of hashem god is indestructible i am indestructible because my eye is just a conduit for the divine infinite energy i am a channel for god's love compassion and wisdom in this world watch the trauma watch the fear don't become part of it don't let it define you you define it you know my dearest friends one of the prophets one of the greatest prophets of the jewish people was the prophet jeremiah navi jeremiah jeremiah navi was the prophet who reign who lived during the reign of the five last kings of judea he was a prophet for quite a few decades and he observed the destruction of the first temple by the babylonian emperor of nazar in the year before the common era the more than 50 chapters of the book of jeremiah are required reading for every jew at least in my mind it's a book you should have on your night table the hebrew bible somehow jews don't think it's their book they think it's for christians to read i don't know why the tamash is a jewish book it's the book of books jews should know the tanach but from all the books of the tamar the one that is very much connected to the theme of these days is to say for your meow and you have just finished reading the other book of your meow called echa the book of lamentations and the jewish world the night of tisha b'av reads that book of but i'm now talking about his other book yermia what we see in the book of your mayo is that this great prophet suffered from terrible fear and terrible anxiety and terrible stress and what you may call today terrible melancholy or dejection or in hebrew di qu'an a certain form of depression obviously relative to the stature and the greatness of jeremiah and it's incredible to see how such a great person a prophet of god a holy human being maimonides describes the the criteria for prophecy and he'll say the arturia chapter seven i mean it's incredible the prophet is the person who gets rid of the static gets rid of all the mental and physical distractions so that i can tune into the divine energy that vibrates through the cosmos at every moment there are moments in jeremiah where he curses the day he was born chapter 20 jeremiah he says cursed is the day that i was born cursed is the day that my mother gave birth to me cursed is the man who told my father and gave him the news your wife had a child a baby and brought joy to my father's life cursed as the fact that i did not die in the womb of my mother i wish my mother's womb would have been my grave rahma harass i wish i would have remained eternally pregnant in the womb of my mother why did i have to leave my mother's womb to see treachery deceit grief sadness and end my days and utter shame and humiliation wow we don't know so much about the personal emotions and experiences of many of our sages of many of our leaders or many of our prophets but both biblical books of jeremiah lamentations and jeremiah dedicate significant space not only to the story of his prophecy not only to how jeremiah was mocked rejected ridiculed and scorned by most of the jews and especially the jewish leaders the kings of judea and the entourage the governors and the ministers and the servants of the king but also to know what he went through there's another line in chapter 15 jeremiah says woe is to me to my mother that you bore me a man of quarrel a man of contention to the whole land a man who everybody despises and hates they see me as a man of strife i have not lent money nor have they let money to me yet they all curse me why was my pain eternal and my wound deathly it has refused to heal jeremiah says in chapter 15 you god are to me as a dried out spring like water that i cannot trust will ever flow that's how he felt about his life about his failures jeremiah says i said i will not mention him i will no longer speak in his name why because he has so disappointed me and yes it would be in my heart like a burning fire confined in my bones i tried hard to contain it but i was unable to contain the vision of god that speaks in my heart and now i want to ask you a question my dearest brothers and sisters in south africa or wherever you are in the whole world how did jeremiah one of the greatest prophets of jewish history manage to handle the sense of despair fear and isolation how did he deal with disappointment abandonment abuse and agony how here is the man who in lamentations chapter 3 which you have just read we have just read he describes his life in these words i am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath he has led me and made me walk in darkness and not in light he has made me dwell in darkness like those who are forever dead though i cry out and i plead he shuts out my prayers saw some philosophy he bent his bow and set me up as a target for the arrow he has filled me with bitterness he has sated me with warm wood many read the eighth in hebrew so they don't understand the power of these words but look at the english translation and i tell you the english translations are pretty poor and inaccurate not because the translators were trying to do a bad job it's just the nature of a translation especially when you're translating words of a prophet like so tell me my friends how did jeremiah deal with all of this how did he remain an inspired prophet and he is the same person who will tell the people yes refrain your voice from weeping in your eyes from tears there is reward for your work there is hope for your future your children will come back from the land of their enemy with shovel me eretz oyev the children will return to their own border the man who predicted destruction but he is the person who communicated some of the most beautiful inspiring hopeful messages to the people i mentioned one earlier the voice of youth and laughter of grooms and of brides will still be heard in the cities of judea and in the marketplaces and outskirts of jerusalem with the ten beautiful languages of joy and the answer to this question my dearest friends is simple and profound and must guide each and every one of us i think every day of our life especially as we reflect on our timeless history on the night of tish above and it's from the opening chapter of jeremiah that we read always on shabbos the first shabbos of the three weeks it's the first encounter between yermia and god and it gives us the answer and perspective i have to say it in hebrew because we need to capture the intensity of the words and then i'll translate says the word of god says jeremiah was upon me he said when i had not yet formed you in the belly i already recognized you when you had not yet come forth from the womb i sanctified you a prophet to the nations i have made you i said to god lord i'm just a child i don't even know how to speak god said don't say i'm a child rather to whoever i send you you shall go and whatever i command you you shall speak fear not before them for i am with you i have appointed you this day over nations and over the kingdoms to uproot and to smash to destroy and to raise to build and to plant what hashem is telling yeremi yahanavi and every single jewish child who has a little prophet inside al-tiguib elite when i had not yet formed you in the belly before you have been formed in mama's womb i already knew you when you had yet before you were born i sanctified you a prophet to the nations i made you jeremiah i know you have fear i know you have dread i know you have agony and turmoil but i want you to know that your infinite divine power is always more potent than all of the darkness and the trauma that lives inside your body i recognized you before you were even physically formed as a fetus i conceived you in love i chose you i knew your strength your light your courage your wisdom your holiness before you were born before you were even formed your soul is a peace of mind before you faced any darkness you were a piece of infinite light as your light is part of my light you are an ambassador a prophet a messenger of me in this world you are not defined as the darkness you will contain it you will stand up to it even if it lives deep in your brain you are larger than it you can observe it and remember you are a divine messenger to bring light into that darkness you are not your darkness you are not your anxiety you are not your fear you are not your stress you are not your insecurity the greatest and deepest fear and sense of the spirit that takes us over is when we allow our inner voice of gloom depression melancholy to overtake us to our core they become our life they define us we forget the truth i may be dealing with some scary thoughts inside of me i may be confronting nasty inner or out of forces but my divine soul my sacred core precedes all else at my core feel this feel this breathe this into your life at my core i am divine light i am divine infinity it's embedded in my essence i can prevail over all else this is what saved jeremiah it's what made him a prophet ultimately of light of redemption of hope throughout all of his turmoil he knows that god is with him and beyond all the darkness there is a core that is invincible and destructible hashem sent him and as dark as the situation is it only means that he contains all the resources needed to bring light and hope and faith into this situation he is never a victim he was sent into this space i was sent into this trauma i was sent into this difficult situation i was sent into this abusive situation i was sent into this destruction in order to rebuild in order to bring truth wisdom authenticity courage fortitude resilience empowerment into this situation this confidence that god is present with him and within him is what made all the difference when i can hear those words in my brain and my soul before i formed you in your mother's belly i already recognized you when you had not yet come forth from the womb i sanctified you a prophet to the nations i have made you when i can hear those words of hashem speaking to my neshama everything changes the word year me yahoo comes from the word mar which means anguish bitterness he is a frustrated prophet he is a bitter prophet and yet the end of his name yirmiyahu has hashem's name he has the ability to take bitterness and transform it into sweetness i think today of another person who also suffered from depression in may 1940 adolf hitler and the nazi war machine were sweeping across the european continent the future of the free world was hanging in the balance it was the darkest hour great britain was about to be attacked by the germans the english chose winston churchill as its new prime minister and his weapons were his pen his voice his words france collapsed belgium surrendered a quarter of a million british soldiers were barely managed to escape from dunkirk and even as the war moved from dangerous to that desperate to disastrous hitler would take all of europe churchill never wavered in speech after speech he infused the british with the spirit to fight arm against hitler's monstrous tyranny and from natural from a natural perspective he is the man who saved the free world from adolf hitler and we owe him an unparalleled debt of gratitude but there's another part that is less known and that is that churchill was prone from major periods of his life to acute depression he called it the black dog he told his daughter i have achieved a great deal to achieve nothing in the end he told a friend that he prays every day for his death and in 1944 he told his doctor dr moran that he kept himself from standing close to a train platform or overlooking the side of a ship because he might be tempted to commit suicide a second's desperation would end everything and i ask you a question why is it that great people are often haunted by a sense of failure and deep melancholy what is it noted examples are winston churchill abraham lincoln beethoven tolstoy in the jewish world lahavdil we know of what moisture bainu tells hashem in numbers kill me or we know of the story of yemiya or we know the story of yonah or we know of the story of iv of job is it their depth that makes them far more sensitive i think that's true deep people wise people perceptive people they feel everything that's going on inside of them and around them they feel deeply what other people overlook perhaps all greatness is counterbalanced by the ability to descend into the abyss as the talmud says the greater person has the greater inclination to the abyss perhaps the greater you are the more you realize what you can and should achieve and the more inadequate you feel you are it's not only the great people though many of us and even today when we are blessed with so many blessings that our grandparents can only dream of so many people are experiencing stress anxiety despair depression doubt despondency emotional stagnation some of you and us know very well the powers the cursed powers of mental illness of clinical depression something that few grasp unless they have experienced it these are all very real emotions very real sensations that people have we sometimes experience that insane void that eats us up at our core and it is so difficult we sometimes feel like little small jeremiah's a soul anguished and pained by the realities of the human condition by disappointments by loss by grief and by the circumstances of life and i say to you my dearest friends god's message to jeremiah is the message to every soul before i formed you in your mother's womb i already recognized you let not your truest identity shrink in insecurity in the face of adversity your divine infinite essence is the most innate part of your existence it is infinite powerful beautiful sacred wholesome before you were formed in anyone's belly i recognized you you are mine i have chosen you i conceived your essence in love you are a piece of god a fragment of heaven a ray of infinity a divine spark what is your mission a prophet to the nations i made you you can change the world you have been sent to earth in order to maintain your spiritual integrity and transform the landscape of planet earth you were dispatched as a messenger a prophet every one of us is a prophet to bring the voice the love the compassion the wisdom the truth of hashem to our body to the material world around us every single one of us is a prophet to link heaven and earth and before you were born you were already chosen on this mission i always we always must remember how powerful we are how holy we are back to churchill's metaphor of the black dog i may have a black dog inside of me and that black dog often barks and barks and barks again and churchill used it to describe how he deals with his depression he has a black dog that sometimes barks and doesn't stop and it follows him everywhere it follows him into the shower and to the bathroom into bed and on the couch into the office into the dining room in the kitchen the black dog is there but never make and identify yourself as the black dog the black dog is there but it's a black dog it's not you i must always remember that the dog may follow me the dog may bark the dog may crawl into bed with me but the dog is not me my depression my thoughts of despair are not me i am divine never ever doubt that never ever question that and thus my dearest friends our role today both in our own lives and in the world around us is always to remember our true humility the humility that allows me to be a conduit for divine infinity when we can go into that space go into the space of rabia akiva rather than skyrim enough killers see the foxes roaming around me or inside of me inside of my holy of holies and yet having the ability to smile and start laughing and say this is an opening this is here to make me more aware that turns us into prophets of comfort of soulless of rabbi akivas who is sages and friends said each one of us is an ambassador of healing of redemption of rejuvenation in our own personal lives transformation always begins with me inside of me and my relationships and my family life and my communal life and ultimately to impact all of our people and ultimately to impact the world we must bring redemption to our planet and to our world and if i may quote churchill in his speech june 4 1940 we shall defend our island whatever the cost may be we shall fight on the beaches we shall fight on the landing grounds we shall fight in the fields and in the streets we shall fight in the hills we shall never surrender hitler was defeated the free world was saved from tyranny six million of our brothers and sisters were killed tonight we mourn them as well as we will tomorrow in the kinase and yet we are here today knowing that the voice of hope and resilience and redemption prevailed and will prevail and as jeremiah promised you says all of our children will return to our eternal borders to our eternal homeland speedily in our days amen via maine thank you very much it's a great great question and i think that's exactly what we're dealing with because just as he opposed the murder he opposed doing anything passivity became the name of the game he basically felt it was a hopeless situation rome was angry roma's gonna attack us anyway the guy blemished an animal okay we don't have a right to kill somebody or to imprison somebody for that it was this sense of passivity and basically looking at it and saying nothing is going to change so let's say we'll imprison him another guy will go to rome you know rome wants to get us rome hates us rome despises us there's no way out of this it was an attitude of passivity we can't really change anything let the chips fall wherever they may chip but wherever they may fall and we gotta hope for the best it's a form of humility which is really a form of paralysis and emotional stagnation it's like basically indecisive there's nothing to do we do nothing we can't kill them we can imprison them we can't incarcerate them we can't sacrifice the animal i think it represents a certain mindset a certain symptom that he felt the decree is out there the arrow was shot and there's basically no return because we know that this was not the only story that provoked rome this is the way the talmud captures the story there were so many other things going on and ultimately there was the huge revolt of which the talmud is not even addressing here and the point is that the talmud believes that small people can do extraordinary things and small stories become the catalysts for major cataclysmic events and the worst thing you can think of is i have nothing to contribute there's nothing to do who am i these huge empires there's a huge war machine i'm just a little guy let me hide in my closet and not bother anybody and that consciousness is contrary to one of the fundamentals of judaism to quote maimonides in the laws of repentance you have to see yourself in the world as equally balanced one mitzvah can change the world one thought word or action can literally tips a scale i'd know of no other religion that has conferred so much dignity upon the individual never ever say you're an insignificant valueless child you'll see that some of the greatest events and movements in history began from one individual at one moment having the courage to do the right thing great great great question rabbi great question you're asking about the significance of the word means how eight alas how mos moisture used the word echa in devarim never used the word uses the word but rabbi there's one more that you didn't mention it just spell it's pronounced differently and that's the opening story of torah when adam and eve eat from the tree they're not supposed to eat from and god comes to visit them in their garden and hashem says ayaka where are you and the midrash says god used the word ayaka the same letters like the same letters and what the madrish may be telling us is something very powerful and potent the first question god asks of adam is where are you it wasn't a geographical question where are you god knows where adam is it was an existential question where are you what happened to you where are you in your life we were supposed to be best friends we were supposed to be intimate lovers we were supposed to be the greatest partners in order to repair the world i love you infinitely you're my child i conceived you in love why are you running away from me why are you hiding in shame why are you choosing a life which makes believe that you're lonely abandoned finite foolish flawed mortal worthless ayeka where are you do you not realize your potential who you really are and what our relationship is it's that question of ayeka where are you that ultimately spirals downwards and morphs into the question of eicha alas how can we have reached a state and we begin to rebuild and we culminate to rebuild when we could say ayeka where am i i'm right here hiney i am here as afrom said as moisture said this year me i said i am right here and instead of just sitting around and saying how can this happen i change my mindset from passivity to becoming proactive not being one of those people who watch things happen not being one of those people who wants to know what happened but being one of those people who make things happen i see somebody somebody asked a beautiful question here in in in the chat here in the south africa first of all somebody says i'm listening to you from your shalayam here hakaidesh okay thank you to all those who are listening from jerusalem and when we meet you very soon in your somebody says here i always wondered why the sages i love the idea that our home every home is like a temple do you believe that the concept of the third temple needs to be interpreted as every individual's own home it's a beautiful beautiful idea that you're saying it reflects a commentary of the safarno the great italian renaissance biblical scholar novada in the 1400s and he writes that really every home was supposed to be the bay samikadesh every home it's just when the jews created the golden calf their homes often became places of spiritual filth so god created an epicenter a mishkan abhis with a divine presence with dwell indeed at the end of days every home must become a basamiktas the talmud says that every shul is called the miktasmat it's a miniature base amiktas now the shules were closed down people saw it as a crisis it's a sad moment but i would say this may be also a very positive opportunity and that is that the home has to become a shul let your home become a mini basamignati a mini sanctuary so that each and every one of our homes will be able to connect to the ultimate base amiktas like the talmud says at the end of the megillah that all the souls of the diaspora will ultimately be relocated to jerusalem and become an extension of the third base amiktas as the martial explains over there and that includes also everybody's uh everybody's home thank you so benefit of this much circumference is having the opportunity to hear and learn from you so many times thank you it's a privilege it's a privilege and a pleasure hopefully in south africa our main these few months these few months the last five months everybody turned their homes into shoes and let's face it okay with all due respect of just being blunt some people diving in their homes a lot better than they darwin and shul because in schulz you know there's always the guy near you and there's the social issues and then there's the kiddush club and then there's the rabbi sermon that's too long and the housing is going too long or too short and people can't concentrate and this one is making you mishuge and you have to be in the pace sometimes at home when you have the privacy and the intimacy of your own four cubits you could connect to god in a very deep and sincere and authentic way i know a lot of people have told me that they have mastered and discovered the art and the beauty and the power of prayer over these last five months so in many ways i think so many homes have turned into little sanctuaries little schools little by sis so mashiach comes this tish above all of our homes will become an extension of the third and eternal basamiktus amen thank you so much thank you thank you this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please 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