How to Make Your First Marriage Your Second Marriage

the yeshiva dotnet there is a famous yet enigmatic expression of our sages of caca men whose acronym the wrath of our rabbis concerning marriage the Gomorrah says the massif recited of Bay's the beginning of Talmud tractate site the page 2a it's gonna be a wonderful class saturated with blessings noise passion excitement and enthusiasm [Applause] I don't know if you'll be able to hear anything but so what the main thing the main thing in life is just to show up everything after that is extra credit if you could just show up to life you're good [Applause] the advantages of an outdoor class right [Applause] let's choose to see the rain as divine harmony to the presentation then that work for you okay see that when you realize that everybody is harmonizing with you there's no resistance so the Gemara says cautious if you give costumes if you can carry on so that to match couples together is as difficult at the splitting of the see referring of course to the stupendous event and partials mashaallah with the jewish people encounter a see in front of them the Egyptians behind them and in that great moment in Jewish history by Ibaka WOM I am the water splits and they passed through the water in dry land so cuz I'll say to put together couples is kasha is difficult kick reiha-sama stuff like the splitting of the sea and I want to ask you today why this metaphor for more metaphors that the rabbi's believed that marriages can be difficult relationships can be challenging putting couples together is not a simple task we understand but from all of the difficult things that happen in tired from all of the miracles the supernatural event that Jews experience there are many they could have said it's like the descending of the manna from heaven you read this Imam they could have said it's like the ten plagues okay that wouldn't sound so good they could have said it was like the clouds of glory it was like the Bay Area like the well of many many miracles happened there constantly they chose from everything que creer see observe and that wasn't only difficult thing sometimes they say things are as difficult kashmiri solutions like breaking of the tablets what did they mean why do they even need a mushroom of Korea Sam so they could say it's very difficult okay Korea see em so they say it about one more thing Maura says in massacres auction that costume is a nicer shall add imperious young self are not a livelihood the sustenance of a person is also difficult as Korea Samsung to figure out exactly where and how you're gonna get your sustenance is as difficult to splitting of the sea to the extent that the Gamora says that there are three things that nobody knows nobody knows what another person is thinking even if you think you know what I'm thinking you don't know what I'm thinking number two nobody knows from where their livelihood is going to come ain't know the media by memory stock people who went to college university for twelve years to excel in a particular career and then somehow they're completely doing something else and the next thing is mouth was based of it Maasai toxin when mashiac is gonna come here again the Gemara chooses the metaphor of Korea sama souf the splitting of the sea to describe the difficulty of the challenges of earning a livelihood why Korea Samsa from everything another interesting thing when the Gemara says that marriage is as difficult as Korea C on soft as the splitting of the sea the Talmud asks a question and that is it's known that already 40 days before a child is born there's a bicycle a heavenly voice that goes out and says bas plainly LaPoint e the daughter of mr. Finkelstein is going to vary the son of mr. Schwartz well the daughter of mrs. Finkelstein is going to marry the daughter of mrs. Schwartz so that means it was already preordained what we call it Yiddish Boshart soulmate what's so difficult is career service of you already announced so the Gemara answers can busy volition can't busy book Shaney there's a difference between which marriage a first marriage there's already a bicycle of voice 40 days before the baby is born bas loin is slip lining that zip ignition zip Akshay me if it's a second marriage either because of a death god forbid or because of a divorce whatever the circumstances are that cause a second marriage that allow for a second marriage this is curious yam something this is like splitting of the sequel's here as rashly says the match is not based on Mazel it's based on behavior it's based on Meissen it's based on their deeds which would seem very interesting but there's a problem here because as many sworen point out in Madras when it says that marriages are as difficult as creation so it indicates that it's all marriages even first marriages in vibration so we have is somewhat of a contradiction actually not somewhat a blatant contradiction our first marriage is also like Yousaf or only second marriages are as Korea Sampson today statistically we know that there are unique challenges in a second marriage that don't exist in a first marriage like there are challenges in the first marriage but a second marriage it's already people been around the block they're older they're experienced first marriages often happen when people are young less mature less develop they don't even know what they're going into before you know before the spaghetti hits the fan and and everything else that comes crashing down or crashing up somebody once said they said it's easier to do a merger between two startup companies then it is to do a merger between two long-standing developed companies have to bring together that's the value of marrying young to bring together AOL and Time Warner it's already two companies and have a lot of experience once people are older that's already too developed companies everybody got their stick their idiosyncrasies you take two babies you put them in their house and you say figure it out it can have some disadvantages especially if the parents don't know what they're doing and are busy thinking about themselves rather than their kids but there's also an upside because young people figure things out together and they're more flexible and pliable that's the word they're more pliable the elasticity works more efficiently when you're young psychologically as well but in the mad rush it says it about all marriages even zip evolution even first marriages okay let's change the subject there's a puss akin to heal him in Hollow but say she saw me mature I may sack of mom lawyers I see who to the country song I'm sure I saw how young raw by your noise hi yard Anissa vlog the see saw and it fled Freddie the Magister hill Amaro what did the see see see as an se a see as an se e what did the see see what did it observe my raw young raw the seesaw and it fled what did it see answer the madness I really know you shall Yosef raw it saw the casket of Yosef and the medic explains when the Jewish people came to the Red Sea and God wanted to see to split he told Moshe lift up your stick and stretch out your arm your hand on the sea and let it split the Yama says no way remember for a seat to split what would that be called suicide right if you're a see for you to split them become dry land what do you call that yeah destroying yourself this is who you are this is mama shoe you are not jealous it's not just a cosmetic cosmetic change which can also be quite Germanic this is through and through or transformation the see said I'm not splitting why should I split and no negotiations helped until it saw the casket of Yosef when it saw your subscrie on ice it ran and it thank God it ran in two directions so the see split and the measure says why because by Yosef it says via nose by yatesy huh cuts ax he also fled when pretty for his wife tried to seduce him incessantly pleading with him to be with her and Yosef kept on refusing by a mine he refused and then that one fateful day in Paris variations when nobody is home and she seizes the opportunity and she pressures yourself to be with her and what does Yosef do by your nose by Yeats hood see he flees outwards outside but his cloak she holds on to and it rips it's also Korea it ripped sit tears and she holds on the part of it so his cloak also tears in tattoo as he runs out when the see saw the casket of Yosef the see did the same thing valya knows how young la vie Yana is the same word that's used now this seems it's very interesting metrics but it seems a little strange why from all Jews Yosef moisture was no small purse Aaron was no small purse the children were no small people he had their millions of Jews nobody can affect the c.split besides the coffin of Yosef remember Yosef wasn't alive already for hundreds of years you have died in Egypt years before the gallows and Moshe took out by he cosmos mats Monsieur Yusuf in way because Yosef made an oath one day when you get out of this country Valley cinema sat slice em you say it can take my bones with you so now moisture takes these bones and he carries them for 40 years throughout the desert until they're gonna go into the Holy Land and they're going to enter the only surfs holy body in the City of Shem where it still remains to this very day known as Gabriel and it's a very very loaded site they destroyed the tombstone they destroyed the ear the region they think you can't destroy here what's under the ground they couldn't destroy but yes that's been it's constantly it's under siege because it's tram it's Nablus it's one of the most dangerous zones in the area you said last night Israel is a great country it's just in a pretty bad neighborhood one of the bad neighborhood is Shem right so that's where Yosef was placed nobody can affect the split of the see only the Orang the coffin of Yosef why but there's even another this is even a deeper question the Gemara tells us Ruby ocean and teaches us the Tamar actually a Madras my gosh reverberations part I hate that when Hashem created the world and he created on the second day he created the heaven that split the water the first day there was water enveloping the earth rural America for Sapna my second day creates a firmament separating the higher water from the lower water the third day tells the water to retreat into various regions so that dry land can emerge and that's when oceans lakes canals streams creeks well Springs are all created and dry land emerges and we have the planet somewhat as we know it and reputation and tells us that at that moment when God was creating the Red Sea the yamas opened the Seas he made a condition and he said I'll create you but as a condition there's a stipulation in the contract you want to be created yes the stipulation is that one day the Jewish people are going to come here they're going to come to the abyssal you have to split if you accept this condition you're in if not let's go back to the drawing board I'm not creating you know so the arms are set forth that shot that says in the passage by Yosh of hye-young lay a sunny the young returned back to a sauna which can also with a reconfiguration of letters could read Latino it fulfilled its condition what condition the condition that would split so one second everybody knows when you sign a contract you have to keep it the yams have made a condition with our sham it's going to split suddenly it says no I'm not splitting and it has to see the coffin of Yosef what do you mean you made a deal let's say Yosef wasn't there let's say there was no coffin of Yosef the indication of the Med wishes the yam wouldn't split what do you mean you made a deal with your boy - oya how could you go back mainly human being sometimes retract from deals and it's not good unethical well what do we expand expand us with the yam Soph so I'm going to share with you a perspective the perspective originates in a teaching of LeBaron of Carl in the barren are godless he's now in the greater Baron of Carl in who was one of the great students of the magnet of miss rich passed away at a very young age in his young thirties the 1770s 1772 on Pesach it was one of the great great fire fiery masters Hasidic masters of the generation he didn't have a child who succeeded him but he had a student who succeeded him because his child was a little orphan so he had a student who succeeded him diploma of Carl in and so the Karlin dynasty was created and continues to this very day stolen-car lit the Byron a good deal of Carl in was a fireball of inspiration if you go to a Karl instable or show the whole Darvin ink is Darvin with colors one wish on top of their lungs they scream the whole dominic toast mine Astra besides from announcement top of that one they scream a whole Dominic it's quite a sight quite a phenomenon bad enough Colleen was a cutter shall use a very holy man and he gives an interpretation about this the nucleus of what he says I'm going to share I'm also going to elaborate on a few other points that tie into this and for this we have to understand the following introduction this introduction comes from the outer ever from the ballot an interior what's the difference between the sea and dry land what's the difference the Gomorrah says in : commercial eh be Amish be our boss trachoma shares be abortion yes but yeah just as dry land is populated by an entire world and it's teeming with life and diversity to see as well under the water there's a whole world besides the world of fish minerals and what grows under the water it's a universe under the water although we don't see it but the distinction between dry land and the sea is not if there's things going on its if we can observe it when I come to an ocean all I see is a bed of water I may see a few fish on dry land we right away see everything everything is seen but it goes one step deeper in dry land we immediately see diversity I'm looking at this room and we see there's one person sitting in this chair other person sitting in this chair person standing at this lectern a person sitting in this chair here there's a beam it is a chandelier there's a camera here there's a speaker there's a bird you immediately see distinctions differentiation wherever you go you walk outside there's a port especially in this place but wherever you go outside right away you see differentiation everything has its place everything has its identity a plant a flower a tree a car a worm a turtle a deer a dog etc in the sea when I come to the sea when I come to the yam what do I see I see oneness come I am what does the puzzle saying you Shia come my my yama Hassan I just see the water and the water II meant essentially unites everything that's under it all I could see is one cover the cover of the war what we call the water bed that eclipses all of the creatures that are under it what does this represent them represents two different states of consciousness the state of consciousness of a basa is a state of consciousness of differentiation and fragmentation the state of consciousness of the sea is a state of consciousness of cohesiveness of harmony and of unity say from Rab Nachman of restless we said what's the difference between speaking and singing what's the difference if I'm giving a speech in the middle of my talking starts raining or a middle of my talk in other words the middle of my talking God starts talking so the right thing to do is for me to be quiet but if I'm in the middle of talking and you start talking we call it an English interruption but what happens if I'm singing in the middle of my singing somebody starts singing we don't call it interruption we call it harmony so there are people who live life by speaking and there are people who live life by singing and the objective of life is to top stop talking and start singing because people are talking everybody is always interrupting them and people who are singing everybody is always harmonizing with them I always tell the husband's when you come home and tell it to your so you come home at night don't talk you walk into their house no talking because if you start talking somebody will interrupt you you said you'll be here two hours ago that's if you talk if you sing you said you'll be here two hours ago I know but I'm here it's all good its harmony even disagreements are just part of the harmony it's a good idea to try it out turn it into a musical you turn it into a musical it's a musical it's not a fight anymore of course musicals have debate but it's part of the music but I would just add to the panache when I would say some people even when they sing they're talking and some people even when they talk they're singing nobody ever interrupts them people always harmonize with them it's a different way of viewing the world it's a different way of carrying yourself are people interrupting me or our people Armand izing with me and you choose which path you want either the path of de Bourgh the path of Nagina says it nourish army brought in Urbino gonna be cushy he t-ruler Dabra divinatory to be Shabbos the rabbis reluctantly allowed people to speak turn round Shabbos can you imagine the hold of our territory institution what would happen to it it was almost outlawed would have been such a bad idea what a good paper could be spirit asks the ballot Anya really what you supposed to do all Shabbos business you're not supposed to talk about the debate over Tara the Gemara says they reluctantly allowed to speak Taylor what are you supposed to do all shoppers he says you're really supposed to sing a whole Shabbos is really made for singing they just realized that it's very hard to maintain that state of being so they allowed to speak dear Taylor to bring down the music into vessels into Caleb that's why what are the Jews do after the splitting of the sea they start singing as your summation words are divisive music creates cohesion you can even see it practically to understand what you're saying I have to know your language if you're speaking Russian I don't understand Russian I don't understand you speaking Yiddish after this thank you this you speaking French or Italian I have to understand the language if I don't know English I can't understand but when somebody sings it's a universal language you could be Russian you could be Japanese you could be French you can even be Israeli and understand music everybody understands why because it touches a space and the soul where there's no divisive 'no stay on it's not the dry land the yam is a consciousness where we notice and recognize the actus the oneness of all of creation since it comes from one source hashem occurred which is a cohesive integrated and one is it's a source of oneness so therefore there's ultimately oneness in all of exists and one could put on the glasses and look at existence that way and all they can see is the divine energy that saturates every individual created being and therefore there's an actus that defines at all and that touches a different space in perspective and it generates music rather than words because words as the alter rebbe said words are the pen of the mind and music is the pen of the soul words are the quill of the mind and music is the quill of the soul and that's why music has such a deep relationship to spiritual awareness people who have a skill of a talent of a sensitivity to music it's something to cherish very deeply never to stifle never to crush and never to destroy sometimes they are children are very very brilliant in music and some of our genius pedagogues make sure to crush it and explain to them what a waste of time it is and really you're killing a certain part of their soul doesn't mean the only thing they should be doing all day is playing piano but it does mean that it's a very important part of their neshama and it should not be mocked and certainly not obliterated or stifled or repressed on the contrary it takes people to different places when there is singing people open up in a way that they can't open up when they're speaking because speaking by definition creates defences because it's based in a world of differentiation and music comes from a world of oneness so people could melt easier they the barriers between humans melts much more in an ambience of song and of music as Yoshimi chauvinism as a Shirazis the Zohar says there are two types of Nokomis there neshama is that are called noona yama there's numbers that are called the fish of the sea and then there are some is that I called the psalmist of abortion or summers of dry land and it says when mushiya comes there's gonna be a famous War II member between who between the Levias son and the sharira bar between the Leviathan fish and the wild untamed ox and they're gonna kill each other and how are they gonna kill each other the Livia's son is going to stab the untamed bull with its fins and the bull is going to stab the Leviathan with its horns and the Gemara asks a question the Madras asks a question how can it's a dick him you know the song ride was Whitman Essen by the grossest su dollar how can you eat this food it's not kosher schita a fish it's not a problem but a bull you have to share you checked it with the fins stabbing of the fins of a Leviathan astonished Hitler and the measure says in part rashmi need to reassure me eat eat ate see the posix says he do story me eat eat ate it is gonna be a finish and fighter that it's gonna be culture you have to understand what this means I terrorized isolate the hey more clownfish had it have explained it how logical it's not for this year but what is the meaning of this so the coup d'etat really explains that there's two types of souls there's a soul it's a metaphor there's a soul that's a Leviathan soul and there's a soul that's a shirt a bar an ox I'm gonna describe the two souls if it matches you please raise your hand I don't need you to raise your hand to me I need you to raise your hand to yourself so you should be able to identify self-awareness there are souls that are sure how bars wild bulls wild axes and then they're sure that all of your cells of your son is the king of the ocean it's two different types of souls as a soul that is rooted in the world of unity and there's a soul that's rooted in the world of differentiation one simple way of describing it is you remember in the car when people used to listen to the radio yeah anybody still does that yeah okay cuz whoever I go whenever I go on the car they're always listening to my classes I don't know if they still listen to the radio I'm the last Mohican who still listens to the radio because I don't like hearing myself it's hard enough being myself I don't have to listen to myself also on the car so I still put on the radio I'm from the few leftovers from the few cherries I still put on the radio okay so I say though is there's two types of souls there are AM souls and FM souls you know the different een AM and FM it's just one button but it's a different world in a.m. the world is about to come to an end within the next 20 minutes you give me 22 minutes and I'll give you the world and what a world I'm gonna give you a world in which the unpredictable Trump may unleash who knows what's next in the next 20 minutes a world in which this crises minute-to-minute in fact that's how a.m. makes a living dog bites man is not News Man Bites Dog as man we call it in the world of journalism sensationalism news my father I grew up in the house of a journalist I know a little bit about the newspaper business it's a very interesting world the newspaper world so my grandfather used to mock my father he would say to him that you know everything that says in a newspaper is a lie everything even the date it was printed yesterday there's nothing you can trust absolutely nothing my brother once asked my father he says Tati what are you gonna do one day if there's no news what if there's no news nothing happens he says that's gonna be the news we always look there's always news if there's no news that's news but you're always looking for the crisis for the disaster for the catastrophe for the drama and the world is always about to be destroyed between traffic blocks between accidents between fatal accidents between this problem and that problem this sensation and this piece of dirt am is a world of tension and every minute is something else happening now shift over to FM you know what FM is like the same song playing already four hundred and twenty years they don't stop and the world is not coming to an end it's one long song that doesn't stop two types of souls there are AM souls and there FM souls and when they're married to each other it's very interesting the FM so looks at the a.m. soul and says why are you always stressed and the a.m. so looks at the FM soul and says because I'm alive because I'm present because I don't have the luxury like you to live in the moon to be detached to be out for lunch breakfast and dinner my dear darling to live in his own cocoon and look at the world from a rosy place and think that kids grow up on their own after their actions which your husband of course loves hearing from you how present you are and how detached he is and the responses and who pays the bills you say if he could give that response and some good hey I'm an FM it's very different types it's not always men and women it works also with women it works it's all everybody FM is a world of serenity transcendence as the music continues a.m. is a world of words FM is a world of song AM is a world of differentiation and FM is a world of aloofness sublimity more cohesion even when they talk about the news in FM they speak very slow you ever see right it takes like it takes an hour takes an hour to hear something on honor the other way you seen the neshamah because even when they talk they think they're singing it's a very different reality so now I ask you which world should you live in should you live in the world of AM or should you live in the world of FM which worlds the thing is you can't choose either/or we live in both worlds the skill is to be able to go from one to the other with the push of a button that's the skill to be able to say it's time to go into FM now and then to be able to say it's time to go into a a essentially that's what the causal mean when they say that by sin cos beta Shea Avon circus what did the greatest sages do all night they juggled serife shimon ben Gamliel was the nasi of the Sun Eddie was considered the God Allah door and he would stand all night and juggle a tortures I want to know what would happened today if the so-called golden of the generation would juggle huh would make news rip channeling I'm Leo juggles and the Gomorrah says that a lot of the time William and I'm a rhyme they used to juggle this one troubled eggs this one juggled wine this one troubled fire it's also given a sec desuka these are the greatest sages abaya Lavy - mmm mmm Leo really so they were all jugglers what's pots besides the literal interpretation there's a much deeper interpretation to be a Jew means to learn how to juggle and what do I mean by drug will not only juggle in terms of multitasking a much deeper element of juggling when you juggle anybody here juggles you may want to learn it one goes up very good you got here through juggling didn't you and you're gonna be living here you're gonna be leaving here and juggling again and right now you're juggling as I'm talking so let's think about this you throw up the ball but when you throw up the ball there's one ball in your hand that's down and as the other ball comes down this one goes up and so it continues one ball always stays up and one ball always stays down but the one that stays up can stay up forever gotta come down and the other one goes up and that's the process we call it ruts oi and show if one part of you always has to be an FM always one part stays up one part remains in a world of wholesome serenity of the answer and the other part remains downwards and the fluctuates as if Mayor premise Lana said as mitsugu born and I even farm in their studenten when you're connected above you don't fall below so we have two worlds the world of speech the world of song the world of your boss of the world of yam we have the love iane is the fish and we have to show you how bar sharira bar is all a confrontational goring horns and the love iane is undercover in the ocean it's a different type of relationship one deals with a world of struggle a world of crisis a world of news and one exists in the serene tranquil underworld the covered world alma this caste of the hidden world which is under the water the world of cohesiveness and remember fish never leave their source creatures of dry land leave their source we all need the earth but we don't stand on the earth all day we can even sit on a plane for two days quite far from the earth what about a fish if you tell the fish come on to an airplane come out of the water a little vacation from your source the fish says that's death not only can't the fish be outside of what are the fish can't even be on top of the water fish has to be in the water in other words the fish not only is it not separated from its source of life it has to be submerged inside its source of life now what would that mean with a person if our source of life is the earth when a person is submerged in the earth what does that mean it's actually death so understand what this means what is life for man spells death for fish what is life for fish spells death for men because the world of the sea is a world in which you're always in touch with the source of energy and when you're in touch with the a saw of the infinite source of energy you don't emerge as a self-conscious being and if you do it spells death because the very definition of your life is you're an extension of the infinite energy of a sham but if we would go into that place we would cease to exist as independent people so therefore even if we're on the earth we're never inside the earth the only time we go inside the earth is when we actually give up the ego and we revert back to our original source and the infinity for Haru Akash travell hello came our Sharon asana and hence it's completely different set of consciousness for one his life is the others death than one's death is the others life for the fish if you tell the Jews Olivia come out of the water he doesn't even understand what it means the very definition of AI is that I'm in the water you don't see me the moment you see me I can't live anymore because there's no me outside of the true me and for the creature and the dry land it's exactly the other way around self-consciousness is the name of the game I I and I'm constantly struggling Who am I where am i what do I have to do today what does she think of me what do I think of myself am i a good mother I'm an exceptional mother am I the worst mother who ever walked the face of this planet we're processing ourselves constantly trying to put our selfs into context talking to ourselves about ourselves anybody does that here do you ever talk to yourself about yourself do you ever stop doing it never right sometimes you got to become a fish you got to become a fish you have to stop talking to yourself about yourself because talking to yourself about yourself is the greatest obstacle to know who you are because you're looking for i but the only time you really find AI is when you're are you submerged in the gray dye of the water so the more I try to find the eye the more it runs away from me and the more I have to substitute it for a different type of eye [Applause] you want to know if I'm schizophrenic that's what you thought oh you didn't okay first of all between last week and this week I went through a lot she's asking me a contradiction to what I said last week since last weekend this week I probably spoke 129 times not a hundred there were a lot of times and lots of things happened so therefore what I said last week I said last week but I'll actually go back there for a moment last week she says I said you got to look into yourself why did I say that ah with Rabbi Weinreb I'm all Duffman zip me ashes I'm a dick Helene and suddenly now I'm saying this whole obsession with the eye is there contradiction no not at all of course not I don't think so at least I don't think so at least the point is making last week is that sometimes you know best where you have to be and nobody will know it as best as you like somebody once told me about construction you know when people build their houses and they surrender their home to architects to calamus the designers to world experts to contractors and you come back a month later you thought your avocation and everything they can do wrong they did wrong and at some point you realized that you illiterate uneducated peasant who knows nothing about not architecture and our colors and our design you know exactly what looks good and what looks horrible you know best it's also true in many other areas it's true sometimes with your children every expert tells you discharge not sometimes mother knows best and father knows best comes to your own future your own destiny you gotta listen to the kishkes you gotta listen to the spits and finger gets into the instance should do come especially every telomer genius tells you it's perfect for you but I don't like the guy it's perfect you'll start liking him after you're dead it's fine love develops love develops you get married you'll have grandkids by the time you're 98 matter anymore if you love him or not you'll be such a noisy clap - only making sherab raucous every night and smiling to the market any stir and it's all good you have to tell people to trust their instinct this doesn't mean that we don't need feedback and we don't need advice and we can't get stuck we could get stuck and that's when we need a different type of feedback but people have emotions and they feel a lot of stuff and often what you feel is very very true and you don't build a life that runs contrary to your emotions if it doesn't sit well with you it's not a good idea if you know that you're dominated by some demon ok so you have to deal with that that itself is part of self-awareness now talking about somebody who's gripped by fear that they're scared to take a walk they can't follow every emotion for generally speaking if something doesn't sit well with you and you're a functional person more or less I should say you have to go with it that's what we were discussing last week and we didn't back down from that because it's true we don't back down from truth we back down from falsehoods this week we're discussing a deeper layer deeper idea you're told for Steffensen we're discussing a deeper idea and that is that they're very search for self ultimately undermines the discovery of self because the search for self has to happen in the sea and it's happening in the dry land you can't catch the fish in the garden you got to go to the pond if you want to find the fish there was a guy in Central Park he was standing by the park by the swings with a net and he was throwing out the net with the worms that's one that's two when rolling it up that comes over to him it's never and he says when was the last time you had a meal you know a Manhattan businessman a nice guy he says aw it's been a long time he's I'm going for lunch why don't you come with me takes me to this beautiful restaurant Suites him for a lunch kiyaah hemella I'm as tired every conceivable type of wine and the guy knew exactly what to order you know he didn't order the the tilapia for $25 he ordered the Chilean sea bass for $79.25 you know whenever somebody else is paying so you know you choose the right things on the menu when you're paying you know you choose french fries Greek salad if you really spoiled but somebody else is paying you know why not so he eats up and you know the bill comes guy $600 but a deal and he doesn't say a word because he's crazy at the end the guy tries conversations conversations he's finished already he says so what do you do there in Central Park he says oh I I catch fish I catch fish he says so you stand there by the swings and you catch fish he says there's no water there he says it's fine there's what to catch so he says how many fish did you catch today he says you're the sixth so be careful of crazy people they're more smart than you imagine they're smarter than you imagine I have to look for the fish in the right place I look for the eye where it's not I'm not gonna find it so now let's go to the next step creation of the world the second day the third day our son creates the red sea shams tells the Red Sea contract he says what reborn the shillelagh in 2014 at 48 years the Jews are gonna come and you have to split he says I'm happy to sign the country but let me see a Jew let me see a Jew he says sure the third day of creation remember he takes the sea into what's called jejemon usamos the chamber of jewish souls the sea walks in and it feels such a light and it takes a look at one jewish soul may have been you over there and it sees that it's a kala kala calm Imam Amish it's a piece of a Sun and the sea says for this song I'll split any day any week any year for such Souls any time no need no need for conditions for these Souls it senses the glory the Infinity the Holiness the splendor the light the connection the debeikis the sea says reborn asylum for these Souls you need me to split every day of my life I'll split I don't care God says great history moves on 2000 years past two thousand four hundred and forty eight years pass the Jews come out of Egypt they leave the Egyptians they leave the bondage and they come to the Red Sea and the pus it says in verse Allah they look to the back and they see all the enemies pursuing them they look in the front and they see a sea they're stuck between a rock and a hard ball and they turn to mush and they say you didn't have enough graves in Egypt to bury us so you took this here to be buried and cuz I'll say them a shelter says they split up into four groups with Jews always tend to do one group said let's commit suicide let's jump into the sea like they did a Masada another group said let's surrender at least we'll live as slaves rather than die as free men what do you choose to live as a slave or to die as a free person let's live as slaves let's surrender a third group said let's fight we'll lose but let's go down standing and a fourth group said let's pray and that's why if you analyze the sukkah moisture speaks to the Jewish people and he says four different messages people often don't realize he's speaking to four different groups because that's the talent of us of a great leader a great teacher he could speak two paragraphs but he's speaking to different people and everybody hears what they have to hear my sure tells the Jews when they say let's go back to Egypt we're gonna die we should we we would have you just took us out here to kill us here there's no hope here so my teacher says and I'm gonna quote my sister's to the Jewish people don't be afraid he's shot smooth who is he show us a sham stand and watch God's salvation because you saw Egypt today you'll never see them again Hashem will fight for you and you remain silent says the Micheel T was talking to four different groups the group that said let's jump into the sea moisture said his shiatsu stand hot the group that said let's go back to Egypt he said you're never going back to Egypt again the group that said let's fight Moisture said Hashem will fight and the group that said let's Domon Moisture said Adam Turkish so what it's left we don't jump into the sea we don't surrender we don't fight and we don't dive in what do we do what's left what do we do what's option five the next bus secures Hashem says let me tell you option five dobry open al V soul your job is to journey to travel no thank you genius there's a see right here Cabaye key can jog and go that the foot no no Hashem said you know what your problems are your problem is you're trying to figure out how the process leads to the destination that's none of your business you have a destination you see a destination no let me figure out the process everybody is busy trying to figure everything out so this one says suicide you only think to do don't just surrender this one says fight this one says pray sometimes I see em soon as I ask you not to fight and I ask you also not to davon there's a time to Darwin and there's a time to travel there's a time to dominant is a time to move is a time that you have to put on Tallis and fill in and open this sin is the time you have to take it off and move daba daba naso via song I told you to go to our scene I that's your destination move how none of your business don't try to figure out the process stop being so self-conscious about the process you get involved in life you start living and if a sea has to split those splits let me take care of that so Manisha speaks to all four groups but imagine the chaos four million Jews do you know the chaos at one board meeting of a show that's one show that has how much 150 members for heaven's sake imagine four million Jews together fighting you know what it looked like it was beyond chaos so they're standing at killing each other suicide war surrender prayer screaming at moisture screaming a tyrant Hashem turns to the Yama and says my dear see you remember we made a contract it's time to split the sea takes a look and says for whom some says for the Jewish people C takes a look and says significance all be hidden it's not the same Jews I saw there look at these guys I was gonna butcher - depressed angry a noxious hungry starving mad disintegrated disjointed people politics leave me alone he's I'm not the souls I saw some said we made a contract he said no no no no no no that contract was was the sole up there not these guys grunty what's the words this grunted dismantled just whatever it is you get the point haha let me say it in Yiddish fact so Blodgett funded Sbrocco and subglottic he's gonna mooch it i schematic mother straight a dick enough depressed are you - always captures truth I told somebody there's no curses like our grandmother's had in Yiddish you should be like a life there so Stein be a life dead hanging by Tagum Brennan Bernard hang by day and burn at night eyelets saying is almost father's fallen for night moil hoots when diva stood today all your teeth should fall out of your mouth besides the one that hurts and kills you the profession I don't know how the Jews had time I guess to add some time under shtetl to come up with these curses for their enemies it was their way of dealing with it English doesn't come close to it anyway the amps of Towser a binder shall I log there's a breach of contract in oh now you told me it's one person it's a different type of person and the a mess of refused to budge until it's aw I really know I shall use the casket of your serve here the yam was humbled why because this was the story of yes what was the story of yes sir the plastic says by Yakub Yosef SS of aim low Akira Yosef recognized his brothers but they did not recognize him why so rash he says because he left them without a beard he was 17 a young teenager and now he already had a beard they didn't recognize him they were adults he recognized them that's rashes front the ballot Anya this Fossum has explained as follows much deeper Yosef understood his brothers the brothers never recognized the meaning they never knew who he was they never understood him when they saw Yusuf they dismissed him as the black sheep of the family every family has a black sheep he's you know the the guy who doesn't fit in really to the real system he's not the Steiger let's put it that way he's not the striking type he's busy dreaming he's gonna take over the world agriculture the Sun the moon everybody's bowing down to him 11 stars everybody's bowing down to him all the sheaves are bound down 10 he wants to take over the earth he wants take over the heaven he would groom himself he was good-looking he was handsome he was creative come on Joseph is not the real thing and it wasn't easy for them it was not easy for them they dismissed Yosef as the child who's really betraying the Covenant and that they could deal with one boy who was a black sheep in the family and you do what's called kirov the problem is that yak have loved him more than everybody and he was the one who got the most attention this for them was a very frightening prospect when you looked at Yosef superficially you could not see who Yosef was in fact some of them could even say about the ISIF that he is the modern so to speak the modern modern kid he's not really the Jewish one he's more thing is a secular bed he's the closest thing to Judaism that's what they could say about yourself what happens in reality what happens in reality is you who the ghost - Tomer who's disguised as a Zona Yosef who's entrenched in the depth of promiscuity ever Surratt's he is the one who was this temptation as the only one who's called sabbaq sabbaq sabbaq and the zohar says because of the unique test that he had because he saw the image of his father in the window the Moose New York national Yaakov of it miles away from his father he still remained connected wearing the clothes of an Egyptian Prime Minister speaking the perfect language of the Egyptian running the economy of the superpower of the world yosef completely entrenched in this world remained absolutely one with ain't safe one with a new reminder shillelagh not disconnected completely one in fact he saw his mission as revealing godliness in the world while his brother has felt the need to be shepherds because what is a shepherd do a shepherd lives in isolation a shepherd lives with nature a shepherd pastures the sheep around water and grass and a shepherd could be in a state of meditation and transcendence all day Yosef was involved in the real world and yet it did not cause any separation between him and his Dacus with Hashem his heart was on fire with passion with love with intimacy that was the uniqueness of years of his brothers could not understand him they looked at the outside you have to have a rush to understand yourself you have to have a depth to understand yourself if your Judaism is based on one model and suddenly you see a new model you say this is not Judaism and it happens in every generation by the way sometimes they'll be a soul that comes now listen to what I'm telling you you'll understand a lot of Jewish history sometimes they'll come down a soul into the Jewish world and the soul is so powerful it's so great and it's so holy that he defies the boxes that we're accustomed to so what do people do if you're a deep soul and you get it you're like wow and if not what do you do you turn yourself into a villain you have to that's the only way you could contend with this reality because it's so big and you can't deal with things that are so big so what do you do you make them small so that you could remain big in your own imagination it's a great tragedy of orphan generations of Jews they'll take the greatest gifts and turn those gifts into curses so that they could remain stuck and paralyzed in their comfort zone feeling proud of their achievements and closing themselves off to the gift that God has given them in the world and sometimes it takes fifty or a hundred years for the Jewish world to open their eyes I'm like wow what did we lose here what did we do here we raised a whole generation on indoctrination on brainwashing depriving them from such a gift this happened to the Rambam for example the Rambam was a unique soul and he defied the regular structure they burnt his books they burnt his books great rabbis burnt his books robbed a new your inner wrote sorry true ver to do true before what he did from at the ROM but with what he did with the roms books remain we honor and it is Jews of Yemen the Jews of Yemen knew the Rumba and when they would say Kaddish during his lifetime they used to say but hey hoy OVA maker who with Caillou the whole basis roll over Hyderabad amore sure Ben Maimon by a goal of his monk or of him roaming by the life of remain emotional environment but in in in Western Europe they burnt his books the Rambam was deemed an upper course a kafir a heretic today of course the Rambam is the Rambam the Rambam is the teacher of Claudius or the realm is called the great eagle why is it called the great eagle you know the uniqueness of an eagle is an eagle doesn't only have bird's eye-view an eagle has eagle eyes view there are people who are very Jewish tower people who are even scholars in Judaism but they don't have a bird's-eye view of Judaism they're good in one field they're good in one area there's people who have the ability to rise rise rise rise higher to the point of an eagle and they see all of reality as cohesive the bird's eye view of the world of Judaism of God's plan it's a different perspective but if I want to stay down here and suddenly I look up and I see an eagle what do I do I take my arrow I take my bow and arrow and I say you see that Eagle he's destroying the status quo site that he'll heal your generation he'll give you perspective your kids are dying your students are dying they're dehydrated no no no we don't do that we kill our Eagles that's what they try to do to yourself and they were good people they were good people they meant well but Yaakov knew the truth they'd throw him in a pit that's the first thing you always do you throw them in a pit and you hope the snakes take care of him and when that doesn't work you sell them into slavery but true greatness you can stifle people who are pseudo great you put them in a pit they die people are truly great they rise from everywhere because they're really great their fire is inside it's not outside they don't need external validation to be who they are so from nowhere me base our pseudonym your tool in life and now the sea is looking at the story of Yosef and the sea says vaya nice Wow at a moment of truth Yosef fled what did the sea discover the sea discover that the worst mistake you could make in life is look at things from outside in rather than from inside out what this sea understood was how would you feel see if I came to you and I looked at the ocean bed and I said there's nothing under it there's just water how would the sea feel how would the ocean feel humiliated really there's nothing under me why don't you scuba dive a little bit why don't you go a little deeper so when the sea came to a conclusion and said these are Jewish souls that I met on the third day of creation these are obnoxious sedate them we shouldn't go in politicians the sea learned from Yosef you have to understand a neshama you have to be able to go deeper you have to be able to dig a little bit and you have to be able to have the perspective not only of words but of music when the sea so yes if it splits it split completely this is what caused it to split ah if so come Castle and say we're looking how to describe marriage what's the best way to describe marriage via Samsung you know why tell you why cuz 40 days before birthday announced by explaining the pliny but before they are now the girl the soul of the young woman tells God can I see my can I see my future soulmate this palace that we plan to go check him out so she goes into GaN Eden and she takes a look and they point oh you see he's the guy and she sees the soul of her husband she's like wow how lucky I am what a soul what what lights what beauty what graciousness what wisdom what depth what holiness God says you want she says for him I'll do curious yumps of everyday I'll split my see every day this is great she's born to a wonderful Jewish family now forward the tape recorder of life 19 years 20 years 22 years 25 years through it whatever the years are later and suddenly she meets this guy okay one guy another guy let dating courtship however it works in your community at some point he got married you break the glass Mazel Tov shot Sheva breakfast is over she takes a look he ain't the guy just not the guy sorry gods you sent me the wrong guy and sometimes that's the theme of her conversations over the next 50 60 years the wrong guy that one was filled with light this one is filled with darkness that one was selfless this one is selfish that one was giving this one is narcissistic that one was wisest guy is dumb that one had depth this is as superficial as his piece of spaghetti etc this one was kind this one is cruel this one understood me this one is clueless this one had empathy this one doesn't know what the word empathy means you know they say that there was a woman who was visited by a genie what do they call it a genie one of those angels who says he's such a good wife and he's such a good mother I want to give you three rewards you name three requests and you get them so she says request number one is that my husband should find me more interesting than anything else in the world the angel looks at her and says come on you know your husband Austerlitz you ask you for the impossible okay what's your second request my second request is my husband should have eyes only from me nothing else in the world Jesus you're going crazier for a minute-to-minute you know your husband who he is what's your third request my third request is every single morning everything when he wakes up before he does anything he just spent 45 minutes with me guy says this is impossible your mom is insane she says you promised you promised he says okay let me think about it he comes back a few minutes and he says you know what I'm gonna fulfill all of your three requests and within a few seconds she turned into an iPhone 7 [Music] all three requests were fulfilled and suddenly the woman looks and she says it's not what I saw up there and sometimes it goes the other way around sometimes the guy says can I see my collar so God takes in the collar so humble as a collar Korea champs of every moment were and then he comes down and he meets his soul mate but yaar my boy Kari wakes up in the morning and he goes whoops it's not Rocko Playa just not what I saw this is not what I saw and this is where it becomes difficult so when the Casal had to describe this what did they say the art of matchmaking is as difficult as Korea's yam so the yam some didn't want to split the yam sub says this was a mecha toss it's the wrong person but the yam stuff was making a mistake and the one who revealed the mistake to the yam stuff was I wrong I shall yosef it was the coffin of yes what is the message that they're conveying here says the a lacuna Baron Carlina he says the message here is this it's easy to look at a soul in heaven and become inspired it's harder to look at a soul down here and become inspired but in life you have to have the courage not to get stuck in the superficial layers that each one of us has and to remember that life is stressful and often people have a difficult time becoming one with who they really are identifying their own greatness and their own beauty and they once asked Michelangelo how he made that sculpture David never saw his David you know what the answers Michelangelo answered I didn't create it I saw the angel trapped in the marble and I chiseled away on the marble and I set to the angel free and that's what a real marriage is each one of us is trapped each one of us has experiences of life that shrap our angel inside and in life I have to be able to cut people slack to be able to always see the beauty to always to be able to identify the greatness always understand that the greatness of a soul down here is that it struggles through setbacks and failures through ups and downs because it has to fight in order to achieve its greatness and I'll always make my disclaimers as I always do this is not a kosher certificate signed to tolerate abuse and say the angel is trapped in the marble and the marble is abusive and it'll abuse me and abuse me in in 99 years maybe the angel will be set free that's not what I'm saying I was the other day at her speech and a woman came over to me and says rabbi Jacob said I need a device I said what's the advice advice is every day my husband screams at me hollers at me he was physically violent with me so I said maybe it's time to consider separation maybe you have to make an ultimatum if you don't really get help it's not gonna work you have to protect yourself so she looks at me and she says you're probably right so I said no she said but who's gonna take care of him if I do that so I said he'll have to learn to take care of himself or get his life into shape you can't tolerate this so she says yeah but he's a Tom macaca I said you're suffering from a very very serious syndrome and you're the one who needs even more help than him because you're a horrible victim you don't realize it so she walked away from me she ran away from me I said I'm sorry if I can help you you could call me I'm not talking about that I'm talking about in every relationship there's an angel trapped in the marble it's true with your spouse it's true with each one of our children true with ourselves you have to cut yourself slack and you have to never doubt the angel in the marble and you have to realize that each of our husbands and each of our wives and each of us is fighting a battle and it's a daily battle and it's a hard battle whether you're lucky enough to stay home or you're lucky enough to get out of the home whether you're lucky enough to have a good job we're lucky whatever it is everybody is fighting a battle everybody is fighting a battle and the art and life is Kriya sama souf don't just look at the top look what is deeper and when you could split your see you could see things that you didn't see otherwise in yourself and in your loved one cautious is looking to hear see I'm so I've this is the case the Gomorrah says it's only about second marriages the measure says it's about first marriages how do we reconcile the two look at some ascetic or now open your hearts this is deep toyota every marriage has two marriages nobody gets married once everybody gets married twice some people get married twice in a very practical way they get married to two people but even those who remain married to one person larysa some official employers also get married twice or at least they should get married twice what does this mean the first civil is the mosel by shirt the second zero gets leafy myself meaning you get married you take a 19 year old baby and a 20 or 21 year old bigger baby I'm not gonna say who's who you'll figure it out and you put them together and the two babies give each other bottles and they raise each other and then before they know it they're ready giving bottles to another baby you have three babies working out like before they know it they're having grandchildren and then all the babies are busy raising each other and trying to learn about maturity and life goes on Baruch Hashem the ICCA's of synthesis right now that's it that's zero Grecian it's the civic of innocence how did I end up with this guy how did she end up alone my shirt why did the shop can choose this what you know it is these things nobody even knows how it comes about it comes about because God said it should come about 40 days before they were born but at some point in life you get older you have to remarry and that's a whole different type of marriage it's La FEMA sim now you have to make it work based on your inner character and for this you have to split to see for this you have to go to your unconscious self if you're not gonna go to your unconscious self you won't be able to work make it work because the incompatibility of people is very common and the distortions that we project on each other's life is very common and especially comments that we hear throughout our marriages that often plant seeds about our spouses that turn people into villains when they're not and wives create images about their husbands and our husbands create images about their wives that work for them and they build on it and they build on it for 10 years 15 years 20 years they never get out of it but you have to get married again but this marriage has to be a different marriage it can be based on the Mosel can be based on the shopton can be based on a Bosco for this you have to do kriya sham so if this is the Civic Shanee in every marriage people who get married a second time they know exactly what this means because it's a whole different type of marriage the second time around but even people who get married one time around to remain really married you have to marry a second time and I don't mean what we call in English renew our vows which is also sometimes the way to do it especially if he could spend three weeks in Florida is not a bad idea to do a civic Shanee over there and just eat carrot soup every night or whatever it is if you can make him the carrot soup and kale juice that would be wonderful that's called zucchini drink some almond milk some tofu some barley kernels and create a new marriage with some box in the background okay Shrek II if you want but what we're talking is EVOC training is very deep for this I have to open up my arms of yo-yo-yo-yo I have to excavate they have to go into my depth and say what things look like they don't they're not necessarily what they look like it's a whole different experience I may have to challenge every assumption and they may have to become very vulnerable about my deepest fears and concerns and needs and I may have to articulate to my spouse things that I never did about Who I am and who I think they are and who I want them to be and that's curious yam so if you have to go into a space that's hidden it was covered by the water all these years and you have to go into that tree some people are very afraid to go there because they're afraid their marriage is gonna get destroyed cuz she defaults will find that Who I am or evil shall never look at me again he'll find out who I am he'll never look at me again but for this you have to know that it's really the other way around the deeper you go the more innocence you'll find this was the big difference between Freud and Altair ever Freud said the deeper you go the more craziness you'll find the baal shem tov toward the ballot anya taught them a friend of addiction all the Talmud about summative told the deeper you go the more innocents you'll find yes you're gonna come across mud but if you go mama Hamish deep you'll find pearls you'll find diamonds Freud believed it was the it the ego and the super-ego and the it is basically the crazy uninhibited monkey at the core then you have the superimposed layers of the ego and the super-ego and neurosis neurosis is create from the tension between the three layers and Freud was right about the idiot is very very heavy very loaded very crazy completely uninhibited wants to do whatever once with whomever it wants however it wants whenever it was but Freud dug deep Sigmund Freud dug deep and when you dig deep you find mud but the Baal Shem Tov especially the ballot Anglian is Tania they dug even deeper and when you dig even deeper you find diamonds so Freud discovered the it'd but if he would have dug a little deeper he would have discovered the ye'd what was missing was the you did the why that one letter the you'd and who is represented to Freud decipher dreams there was another person who interpreted dreams his name was Joseph the idea was made it before letters you'd love sam mcvey sama Faye is the acronym of Sigmund Freud but what was Sigmund Freud missing he was missing the first letter the first two letters you'd involved those are are shams name that's the heed the you'd beneath to it deeper than the e to find the eat and when the yam saw yourself by your noise it's sweat so for yours evoke shame you have to do sometimes Crisium self to be able to discover that component and then you'll find an innocence that you didn't even imagine was there because sometimes you have to go through your broken places to find your wholesome places as one drew said forget the perfect offerings they don't exist our Messiah they came to listen they came to listen to the sheer relax they came to listen they're all so busy dating they want to hear and what to how to do it create some so these are lovebirds tie belong to my bird's-eye view Eagle views their their their to part of it I mean I don't understand the language of birds but if anybody does you probably hear what they're saying no you understand so they're singing yet what was I just saying ah so so a Jew once said a famous song forget when I was young guy worship perfection now that I'm older I search for things that have cracks inside of them because it's the cracks that allow the light to enter so I have to crack open my arms of my invincibility I have to create cracks it's very vulnerable but that's where you'll find the light when there's no cracks the light Dawn's never comes in it's perfect - perfect for the light when this cracks the light comes in so that's why the Gemara says that par nos is also like Korea Samsung why because hazael tell us miss a noise of shell Adam szubin laminar Shoshanna body a McKay poem it says in Bateson between Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur ahem decides everybody's pronounced on what do Jews look like between Hashanah Yom Kippur everybody is busy being holy everybody is pure everybody does truth everybody comes to its lair Sonny and get prayer people are looking for system that they're busy it's my bargaining chips you do this and you may God smile whatever it is the whole culture so God decides Spinoza every Jew is so beautiful so perfect and suddenly I'm keeping this so holy the decision is based on that now comes the middle of Shabbat it's a cold winter day it's raining outside the guy shows up at work and the angel in charge on the par no sir it was about to write out a check to put it in his bank account turns to God and he says there's a misunderstanding here sinners dissol beads it's not the Jew from Hashanah Yom Kippur said different truth look at this guy look at this guy he's wasn't the same Julian Kippur so we say it's curious yam so don't look at people superficially don't get distracted by the fact that people have so many distractions you don't get distracted by their distractions the challenge is not that people have distractions the challenges that we get distracted by their distractions never get distracted by people's distractions you have to always remember that there's a part that's deeper than distractions and as long as you're focused on that you'll be able to help them focus on that Korea Sam Zeff understood that don't judge him superficially don't judge her superficially so the MS Amos the producer also requires the art of Kriya Samson so therefore when Cazale wanted to define what a is deevak Shaney but zebra cheney even in a first marriage that's the reconciliation between the two sources they said its caution key Korea Samson it's that ability to be able to stand in front of a person especially a person that you're close with and the person you connect to life with and see the angel in the marble and never move your eyesight away from the angel and the marble it's true with your child true with your student it's true with everyone you come in contact with and it's true with yourself and then just chisel away on the marble and set the angel free have a wonderful week the yeshiva dotnet you