Don't Run From Your Child

[Music] sometimes [Music] we find or we observe our children making decisions that we find unfavorable sometimes these choices are not just unfavorable but these choices in our minds are destructive are foolish are not just counterproductive but sometimes even dangerous and a father once told me he said you know when my boy comes home in the evening when i hear the key to the door i go upstairs because i know that when i see him i'm going to get so aggravated just looking at him causes me pain [Music] seeing the way he dresses the way he carries himself reminds me of his choices and i don't want to get into a fight i don't want to make him uncomfortable father was very proud of himself instead of staying downstairs and declaring a third world war when his son comes home at night getting into arguments and counter arguments he wants serenity he wants the kid to feel safe he doesn't want confrontation he avoids it but the truth is you're missing the point this child needs more of you not less of you this child needs more a relationship with you not less a relationship with you yes i know the human emotion is i want to run away i want to retreat i want to disconnect fight or flight or freeze and you have to have compassion for that urge it's a human herbs because the pain is profound but once you have compassion and you allow yourself to experience what you're experiencing without repressing your feelings your bodily sensations your emotions now allow your prefrontal cortex to get into the driver's seat and ask the question what does this child need most and the answer is this child needs more of mommy more of tati don't escape don't flee [Music] don't sever cords don't disconnect it's your attachment it's your cashier that is the source of the healing [Music] the yeshiva.net