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the yeshiva.net
people are tense people are anxious
people are stressful and here
i share with you a teaching of the
grandson of the
another grandson rabbi menachem
who said this on the 15th of schmatt
1975 published in the
successor and he asked
a simple and extraordinary question
and gave a very profound answer and the
question is
in the torah portion of israel it says
that jethro moses
father-in-law came to visit him and what
does a father-in-law do when he comes to
visit his son-in-law he started to give
him aces
he started to give him advice and he
told them it's not good the way you're
running the country
the way you're running the people what
happened he saw
that moses was sitting all day from
morning to night
teaching every single jew who had a
question
dealing with every disputation with
every debate
with every quarrel with all the
bickering and all the infighting
every financial moral ethical civil
spiritual dispute everybody came to
moses
to moshe and he was literally handling
every person every problem every
challenge every doubt
jethro told moses yisra told moshe naval
tibo you're going to wither away
lo tova davra taosa this is not a good
idea you can't sit alone
and judge 3 million jews it's like i
would tell you that you
have to answer 3 million emails a day or
even 3
000 emails a day you'll go crazy
moses this is not going to work you have
to delegate
you have to learn how to delegate
if you do not delegate everybody will
crumble
you will be destroyed the people will be
destroyed and jethro tells his
son-in-law
you have to delegate and confer
responsibility over people appoint what
we call middle management
to run the nation and then everything
will
fall into place and the torah says moses
obeyed his father-in-law
and the commentators and the rebbe asked
a very obvious question
you need a rocket scientist to tell you
that one man
can't handle three million people alone
what was moses thinking there's an
expression in yiddish
august of aval zetta family a guest for
a while
sees a mile you know sometimes you come
into somebody's home
for a few minutes and you see things
that are going on that they themselves
don't notice
granted sometimes you need an outsider
to give perspective
but this is an obvious issue moses grew
up in a palace
he knew about infrastructure
rabbi sherman has been here many years
yeah why did he bring other shlokan why
doesn't he do everything himself
and the answer is because you wither
away it's impossible many of you are
successful companies you have offices
you have projects you have organizations
you have corporations you have
businesses
the first rule in successful management
is you got to learn how to delegate you
have to train other people
with you and under you if not if you're
going to be changing the light bulbs
and you're going to be making every copy
yourself and you're making every
decision yourself
nothing is going to happen we all
understand that
some control freaks who can't delegate
they remain
very very small and very very petty
so you need mo you need an outsider a
non-jew
to come from the outside world and tell
moses that you can't run a show this way
how do you understand this
it's a good question no and the rebbe
said furthermore and if moses did have a
way of doing it
why did he acquiesce to jethro why
didn't he tell
israel i have a way i'll do what i i
know what i'm doing
he surrendered to his father-in-law
so the labaravitch in his own vintage
and inimitable style
presented what i would call a very
moving and emotional insight
and briefly it's briefly
very briefly it's this insight that i
think
is gives us perspective on how to live
in such a time
and this is what he said he said moses
understood that you have to delegate
he understood like every successful
person understands
that one man can't do everything alone
but moses also knew something else he
knew who he was
and he understood that when people
have direct contact with him
everything changes he needed to give
every single jew man woman and child no
matter who they were
direct contact with him so that they
could feel
that they can approach them with every
issue and with every problem
because in judaism ultimately every
person
must be a student of moses we don't
believe that some people are too small
or too remote or too insignificant
everybody
stood at sinai everybody hears torah
directly from moses or worded directly
from god
however there's people who have fights
and disputes how you gonna handle that
so the rebels said when people would
come into the presence of moses
that itself he knew would have the
greatest
impact that it wouldn't take the same
amount of time
to handle as if he would have delegated
it
because when you're in the presence of a
person like moshe
your whole mindset your whole attitude
changes
i want to illustrate this with a little
old jewish story
there was an old father and a son they
were both living on a farm
the father was 90 years old living at
home and the son was working the farm
it was winter time it was cold this was
a poor family
so the home was not warm and they had
one coat
and the father told his son listen i'm
90 years old if i get cold
if i get a cold i can die i need the
coat for myself
the son told the father no i'm outdoors
i'm working outdoors i need a coat
you're indoors and they got into a
dispute
so they went to the rabbi and the rabbi
says what's going on they say we have
one coat
the father says it belongs to me i'm 90
and i'm home
i need a coat and the son says i know
he's 90 but i'm outdoors
and it's freezing outside i need the
coat
the rabbi thinks and he says the sun is
right
he's working outdoors he gets the coat
you're in the house
let's figure out how to get you some
wood maybe you can make a fire maybe you
could find some old schmatta some
blankets
protect yourself you're indoors your son
gets the coat
okay they're walking home from the
rabbi's home
back to their farm and the son is
wearing the coat and he's all happy he
won
and the poor old man the 90 year old
father is trembling
in the middle of the road the sun feels
horrible
how can i watch my father so cold even
if i'm right
i'm so wrong and he takes off his coat
and he puts it on his father he says i'm
sorry you have the coat
the next morning father is proud of
himself he has the coat
he's looking at his son working in the
farm and he's trembling
and he feels so guilty how can i do this
to my son
calls in his son he says you have the
coat son says no you get the coat now
they're fighting again but now the fight
is different
he wants his child to get the code the
child wants the father to get the code
they go back to the rabbi
they come into the rabbi the rabbi says
what happened now
they said we have a new fight what's the
fight father says
i cannot bear that my son stands outside
without a coat he gets the coat son says
no i will feel too guilty knowing that
my father is stuck inside without a coat
he gets the coat
each one is fighting that they don't
want the coat they want the other one
should have the coat
the rabbi looks at them and starts
thinking and says
you know in my closet i have an
old warm down coat that i don't need
i'll lend it to you and he goes and he
takes out his own coat
and he gives it to them he says now you
have two coats one for the son
and one for the father the old man says
rabbi i have a question
why didn't you come up with this idea
the first time around
why now and the rabbi looked at them
and he gave such a beautiful answer he
says you see the first time around
you came here to my office screaming the
father was screaming it's my coat
the sun was screaming it's my coat
father was screaming at michael
son was screaming it's my coat
subconsciously you know what i was
screaming
it's my coat it's my coat
you are screaming that it's your coat
and subconsciously that coat in the
closet i was thinking it's my coat
i'm not giving it away the second time
around you come back
tati is screaming it's your coat it's
your coat you take it
and the sun is screaming no tati no
daddy it's your coat you take it
and you know what it triggered to me it
triggered in me the feeling
it's your cult i want to share the coat
with you
and that's when my conscious mind
discovered that i had a coat in the
closet
in other words my attitude towards you
is ultimately so powerful
in determining your response when the
rabbi hears a father and a son
quibbling fighting over the coat and
everybody is just thinking about
themselves
subconsciously he's also thinking about
himself because that's the environment
he lives in but when the rabbi is in an
environment where everyone is thinking
about the other person
subconsciously he doesn't even realize
it his brain
changes his brain expands his neural
pathways
open up to experience
larger different opportunities and
suddenly you realize i have a cult i'm
not using it
i can give it to them comes the
laboratory
and says two people are fighting they
come into moses's office
israel says jethro says you're going to
wither away you can have
hundreds of thousands of jews fighting
moses knows that when you're in the
presence
of somebody who radiates
the organic oneness of the cosmos and of
humanity
it impacts people in a deeper place they
start seeing themselves differently
and when they see themselves differently
ninety percent
of ninety percent of the disputations
will wither away
gaula cohen was a very very well known
uh member of the israeli parliament
for decades she passed away not long ago
in her nineties very special woman
and i once read an article she wrote
about the labavachireba in maariv
she was sitting with him for two hours
in the 1960s
and she wrote as follows it left such an
impression on me she wrote
i have met many people in my life
sometimes you meet a brilliant sage
you come out of the meeting they're
brilliant yuri still remain a simpleton
sometimes you meet a brilliant leader
after a long meeting you come out of the
meeting you're dazzled
by their courage and resilience and
vision
but you remain the same person that
enter the meeting
you can meet the greatest scientists of
a generation
you come out of the meeting overwhelmed
startled
impressed but you remain who you are
they remain who they are she says
there's one exception
when you go in to meet a real believer a
ma'amin
after two hours you come out a different
person
because the believer believes in you too
and she says i spent a few hours with
alibaba chereba
he's a great scientist he's a brilliant
mind
he's an extraordinary leader he's a man
of courage and resilience and vision
he's a great communist he's a great
lover of israel
great heart and great mind
but most importantly he's a believer
and the believer believes in you too so
she says you come out not the same
person
this was moses's perspective i want
every jew to come in contact with me
because by coming in contact with me
they will come in contact with
themselves because what is the
definition of a true leader if not
somebody
who empowers you and allows you to come
face to face
with your most real and authentic you
that is the definition of arepa that is
the definition of a real leader
a real leader is not somebody who
impresses you with their
dazzling brilliance that may be true or
with their tremendous accomplishments a
real leader is somebody
that after you come in contact with them
you get to discover
yourself moses was the humblest person
the torah says
it was not about him i'm great
it was about helping people see their
own greatness
or to quote the legendary the late rabbi
jonathan sax
who just passed away a few months ago
who said that there are
small people there are small leaders
who like to create followers
but the greatest of leaders they don't
want to create files they want to create
leaders
they want to help people achieve their
own
unique potential so moses understood
that for jews every jew to have direct
access to him
even two jews are fighting about
something going on near one of their
tents in the desert he didn't want to
delegate
he wanted they should come into his four
cubits
because being in his presence
experiencing consciously and
subconsciously
his faith in them his faith in god
the fact that he was a spiritual conduit
would help
them experience themselves as
conduits of infinity and the moment you
experience yourself as a conduit for
infinity
everything changes you see yourself as a
much greater person
and the moment you see yourself as a
much greater person
then 90 percent of your fights are gone
take a look at most of our fights and
arguments it's coming from my trauma
from my insecurity for my low
self-esteem
from my scars from my wounds tell me
about most marriage disputes
you don't have to all speak up at once
but most marital disputes
most fights you have with your children
with my children with your brothers
sisters parents brother-in-law
sister-in-law neighbor former neighbor
employer employee most of our fights
come from the fact that i don't
recognize who i am
i think that i'm small i'm tiny
all angered all 95 percent of anger is a
secondary emotion
eclipsing pain and loneliness right
next time you get angry don't worship
your anger
the anger is a cover-up for something
much deeper it's easy to get angry and
say
you're such an idiot you're such a
horrible person
it's harder to look deep into myself and
say what am i angry about
something was just triggered inside of
me i'm experiencing so much pain and
loneliness
talmud rambam says the zohar says that
anger is a form of idolatry why
and the answer is what's idolatry
idolatry is you're looking at a physical
object
and you're attributing divine qualities
to it the physical object
is just a manifestation of divine energy
anger is just a manifestation of
something much deeper much more
authentic
don't turn that into the real issue so
so many of our fights come because
we look at ourselves as small people and
that's what trauma does to us
so moses wanted that direct contact
because he understood that in his
presence
the consciousness of the people will be
elevated
they will see themselves in a different
light and 90
of their disputes will be resolved
without him even uttering a word
and yet he acquiesced to jethro because
he understood
that the infrastructure of judaism must
be built in a way that it should be able
to become
generational and should be able to
endure
the fluctuations of history so that even
in later generations when moses is not
here anymore judaism should be able to
have a structure of what we call
sanhedrin but they didn't
judiciary systems of scholars and sages
that can take the truths of torah given
to moses and ultimately allocate them
and apply them to various circumstances
and situations
for me this is so telling about our
mission today
because when you live in a fractured
world there's one of two options
either you're part of the problem or you
become part of the solution
there's no other option in every
situation
that i confront either i become part of
the remedy
or i remain part of the problem
we live today in a time when there is a
lot of fragmentation a lot of brokenness
there are arguments there are theories
to this extreme and theory this extreme
there are those who when they hear
somebody disagrees with them this person
is busy with conspiracy theories and the
other person hurls accusations that
you're out for lunch you're in denial
you're brainwashed you're indoctrinated
and there's so many arguments and so
many debates and there's families split
up
families get dichotomized and torn apart
siblings don't talk to each other
especially if they find out who you
voted for
people are like afraid to be themselves
to be authentic
what's our mission in such a time what's
going to be the future
people are uncertain and here is where
the real
issue and the very practical idea of the
rebbe comes in
and that is at every single moment
i can have a choice either i live
in a higher space and that's
what i will bring out and all the people
i come in contact with
or i live in a much more petty orbit
and that is ultimately what i will help
bring out in people
every person i meet i can bring out the
best in them
and i can bring out the worst in them
but there's only one way i can bring out
the best in them
that is if i bring out the best in
myself first
if you live within yourself in a higher
state of consciousness
what does it mean to live in a higher
state of consciousness
it means that you know who you are who
are you
for this we all know the rebbe would say
who are you
you're the ladder of jacob in his dream
the latter that stands on the ground
sula mutsavatsa
viroshi magiya hashema the top of the
ladder reaches heaven
the tanya says yakov imagine yourself as
a rope
you are the interlacing link
between heaven and earth your soul's
posture
reaches into god himself the godhead
and it comes down all the way down to
the lowest
terrain of earth right here in mainline
pennsylvania
2021 or wherever you are
you are that rope you are that link at
every moment
i could live a bent life caved in
surrendered mediocre i think thoreau
said most people live lives of quiet
desperation
or i could stand straight with my
spiritual
emotional psychological and physical
posture
reflecting my true heights and what are
my true heights my true heights is
i am the link between the infinite and
the finite
every soul of every jew is a helicopter
a tale of two souls in one city and one
of those souls is a piece of god a
fragment of the divine
you are a piece of divinity sent into
this world
it's a fractured world of course you got
to make it whole
i'm looking out the window here we have
it looks like almost two feet of snow
kids are excited here they have school
but no school today of course everybody
was out in the snow i also of course had
to be out in the snow
i didn't want to be called a detached
brainy
uh father so i was out in the snow it
was a great great experience
close to two feet of snow we built the
snowman we did some sledding
we rolled in the snow we went on the
sliding ponds it was a great experience
but it was freezing
and i remember the story the third
president of israel
his name was zalman shahzad came to new
york
february 1973. it was freezing like
tonight here
freezing and he meets the la bhava
chereb
and he says to him he says it gets cold
in israel
but frostbite like here i can't endure
how do you guys live here on the east
coast how do you live here we don't have
this in israel
and without skipping a heartbeat there
ever says to the president of israel
that's exactly why god sent down
jewish souls to the world
to bring warmth into a cold climate
to bring light into a dark
terrain there's a fractured world
there's a cold world of course that's
why you were sent there
but for this you have to remember who
you are you're not cold
you're not fractured you're not
fragmented you're not broken
you are a fragment of heaven you're a
piece of infinity
you are a piece of hashem himself so to
speak
and just as god is invincible
your soul is invincible at your core you
are wholesome
you are full of promise happiness
confidence resilience
faith light wholesomeness and happiness
but you must be able to stand straight
and recognize your true height and then
every person you meet beginning with
yourself
you know you're not here to argue
you're not here to become part of the
problem
you're here to show people their real
light how simply by you
being a source of love you know when i
go out often
obviously today much less because of
corona i still get out
often look at people and it always seems
to me that people are so desperate for
love
they're so desperate for love they're so
desperate for somebody to tell them that
they're loved that they're accepted
to be validated
and when we don't didn't when we don't
feel that inside we substitute it some
of us
drinking and some of us
internet and some of us through looking
by looking for attention i just want
attention
because i need to substitute that void
and the jewish approach to this is
you're looking for love
you become the source of love
you become that source when people see
you in the supermarket
when people see you in the synagogue
when people see you in the office
when people see you in the street
they'll immediately be able to look at
you and
say she's a source where you can get
love
he is a lover he is a source
where you can get love she is an
ambassador of love
he is an ambassador of light and hope
and healing
you become that person you say nah
i'm desperate i've been in therapy for
32 years and it still didn't help
i go from yoga to pilates to the gym to
the first therapist and i go to another
therapist
then my mother gets into a fight with me
then i say i'm the wrong person
and i say to you you have to learn who
you are
you have to straighten out your posture
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