Defiance Is Only a Symptom

the mother told me that she has a daughter who's a teenager very very defiant whatever the mother says exact opposite whatever the father says the exact opposite just very very defined and it created a lot of challenges in the home so she went to the top top psychotherapists and psychiatrists and therapists in manhattan the evaluation was suffering from defiance disorder depression and anxiety so the mother says that i have to pay six thousand dollars for him that i know well we gave you a diagnosis he didn't speculate so the mother tells me i asked him so what do i do now you have to medicate him she doesn't want him well you're a mother you force her from their perspective they're giving you brilliant compassionate advice the mother told me she called rabbi shimon russell he this girl is suffering from no attachment to her mother or father and every time you argue with her it proves to her she doesn't have parents so what you need to do first is you're not the enemy anymore you're her best friend there's no more argument absolute acceptance and embracing so she can heal a little bit and then she'll know exactly what to do mother tells me a few days ago six months later she has a different daughter it's misdiagnosis but she's not a machine there's an internal internal wound troubles which they don't know what it is maybe they'll know maybe they'll never know the first thing you need is some form of wholeness can't call her bad she's broken and defiance is just the symptom of trying to survive sometimes the medication saves lives it's not a verdict but it's just initiating and being sensitive when people are going through and at least having the knowledge that you don't have the knowledge which is a pretty big operative for many of us [Music] the yeshiva.net