Can You Just Let Go? - Torah Or Vaeira "Vayomer" #1 -By Rabbi YY Jacobson

The Yeshiva.net Okay, so page 112 by Yuma Hashem. You see the second column. This mind mirror was said by the altar rebel by the Bala Tanya. His yard site was yesterday for the dollar Davis. In the year tough cough sama hey. Tough cough sama hey, which in the secular calendar would be equivalent to 1805. Starts off with a possible in the Ada. By Yuma Hashem and Moshe and Aaron layman. Hashem tells Moshe and Aaron. Take your staff and stick. The harsh look with my pirate. And throw it down before pirate. Throw your stick down before pirate. And you heal the sun and Let it become a cannon. Cannon is a snake. And then just read to you the story here. Is it a stick? Okay, no. All right. What do you want to say? Crocodile? want to say anything. I'm translating the drashy. Drashy says no harsh. Drashy says cannon is no harsh, a serpent. So I said a snake, but there are other interpretations. What do you think it was? I don't know why it doesn't say no harsh because by by Adam and Hava says no harsh. Right. Right. Okay, this is a a legitimate discussion what cannon is. It's very interesting conversation. Reptile. So basically in the beginning of Ada, I mean the very in the middle of Ada by Revi period Zion possible has known. Before the 10 plagues begin Hashem tells Moshe and Aaron he says, "Paroah will ask you for some miracle, some wonder. So tell Aaron, take your stick and throw down before Paroah and let it become a Rashi says a snake, a tanin." And that's what they do. Aaron throws his stick down in front of Paroah and it becomes a snake. So what happens? Paroah summons his own magicians or experts and they all do the same thing. They hurl down, they throw their sticks, they all become snakes and then what happens is Aaron's stick swallows up their sticks. This was intended to impress or persuade or inspire Paroah. But as the Torah says, "Vaya'asekh lev Paroah." Paroah remains obstinate. So even after his stick became a snake and even after Aaron's stick from a stick becomes back to a stick and swallows up their sticks, Paroah remains unmovable. Unmoved. Okay, that's the story of Pikushot. This ma'amar is coming to discuss the deeper layer behind the story. Meaning, it's based on the axiom that in Torah generally every story has layers upon layers upon layers. Even of Pikushot, there is the external layer of the story meaning it's like, "Wow, look what we can do." But there's a lot of different interesting things you can do. The fact that this story is chosen, this particular miracle is chosen has significance. And certainly when you uncover deeper meanings and symbolisms and spiritual meanings behind it, so the same story takes on profound symbolisms. To understand what is this entire concept of a stick turning into a snake. And then "Va'af ki chazav hanachash lamatah." And then it goes back into a stick. Doesn't remain a snake. The guy I'm another detail. Remember also that this is the first wonder, the first miracle that they demonstrated to Paro before anything else. Before all the 10 plagues. Meaning that before the 10 markers, blood, frogs, etc. lies, stumps for their kingdom and the other seven, the first thing that they showed Paro it was this reality of the stick turning into a snake. This means that somehow this had to be the first message for Paro. And of course we can add even more. It's also the first thing that Hashem showed Moshe back in Shemot when he was standing by the snake and he refused to go and he gave all the different excuses why he's not the right man for the job. And Hashem finally and Hashem is trying to persuade him that he is the right man for the job. And at some point he says, "Behold they will not believe me." Nobody's going to believe me anyway. So Hashem does a series of two he does a series The first thing he does to convince him otherwise, what does he say? He says, "Throw down your stick." And it becomes a snake. And then Moshe is afraid. He says, "Now grab on the edge of the stick, the tail." And it becomes back a stick. Okay, then there's the second sign of his hand which becomes materialistic shellac experiences leprosy like a snow. And then he tells him a third thing that the water you should pour water and the water will become blood. This is all for the Jews before going to the Egyptians. So again, the first sign that Hashem gives Moshe is the stick becomes a snake and the snake converts back into a stick. It's also the first miracle he wants Moshe and Aaron to do for Paro and before anything else. To understand what is the significance of this. He makes a the possuk says, "V'yinatzlu Mitzrayim." The possuk says already in parshas Shmois and then again later, they should empty out. V'yinatzlu means they should evacuate. Empty out Egypt. Empty out Mitzrayim. Because part of the mission of the Jewish people, as he says, was you're not just going to leave Mitzrayim, you also have to empty it out. And that is why they borrowed the various vessels of silver and gold and cloaks and garments. V'yinatzlu Mitzrayim. They emptied it out. For Amora'im, so the Gemara says on this possuk in daf kuf yud tes, "Shasu okan metzula she'ein badagim." They turned Mitzrayim into a metzula, a net without fish. The fishermen go and they have their nets and they lower it into the sea or the ocean or the rivers and it comes up full with fish. And "Asu okan metzula she'ein badagim." They emptied it of all the fish. What is the meaning of this? What is the concept of this? Perush, what it means is not just that they left Egypt broke. They took so many things and there was nothing left. It means something even deeper. "Shalakhtu kol hanitzotzin." "Shenafelu bishvirah aleihem." They collected all the sparks, all the divine sparks that were in Egypt. And he says, "Nafelu bishvirah aleihem." They fell into Mitzrayim through the famous cosmic process known as shvirah, the breaking, the breaking of the vessels. "V'nisraiknu Mitzrayim mehem." So Egypt became empty of these sparks. "Ach nish'aru k'metzula." Until they remained like a a net without the fish. "V'lo yishiru sham af nitzotz echad." They didn't even leave there one spark. This is how the Arizal explains why there's a mitzvah three times in the Torah that you shouldn't go back to Mitzrayim. Three different times the Torah says, "V'lo yosifu l'ra'oso od l'olam." Never go back to Mitzrayim. In fact, Reb Moshe Hagiz writes that the Rambam, who lived in Egypt for many years, used to sign many of his letters Moshe ben Maimon, "I have over our shlosha lavanim b'chol yom." Rambam's signature. Moshe ben Maimon, who transgresses three sins every day. Now, of course, you have to understand two things. First of all, if that's what the Rambam felt about himself, why did he stay in Egypt? Why was it so necessary to sign it in every letter? I mean, imagine today a chief rabbi signing, right? "I have over our shlosha lavanim b'chol yom." Some turkey with it? Huh? Some turkey with it? Yes, I'm looking right at "I have over our mail lavanim b'chol yom." Could be also. So, it's a very interesting discussion. The Rambam felt he'd be over our shlosha lavanim or it was a oiness, or he had a certain he had to, but he didn't want people to learn from it. But, it's a very interesting discussion. So, the reason he says what's the reason Mitzrayim you can't go back to, so one of the reasons he says is, I'll pick a ball, I'll pick a penny. He says because we go to places because we have a calling there. We have a mission there. We don't just go to places to stop. Baruch atah Hashem he prepares, he orchestrates the step, the footsteps of man. Meaning, not just that physically a person could walk, but also the footsteps of man that wherever a person ends up during the day has been orchestrated. Hamachen metzade gever, it's been orchestrated. So, we don't end up places. We are sent to places. You think you ended up there, but you didn't end up, you were sent over there. You may figure it out, you may not figure it out. But, there are nitzutzos. There are sparks. Sparks means there's certain energy, there's certain in in in literal language it means there's certain opportunities for you there. There's a certain calling you have. There's something I could accomplish there. There's something that I have a There's a mission I have there. In Mitzrayim, they emptied out all the sparks, so they have no business being in Egypt. There's no nitzutzos there. Now, what does this mean? It was the hidden sparks of Mitzrayim? No, Mitzrayim sparks. It's a Cuz what? I'll be shot. Uh but the king the king he says yeah. To buy horses from them yeah. Corrupt culture. Some don't go back to here. They empty out the forever. Or? Yeah. Yeah. It says the reason says as follows. I mean we'll soon learn more about the basically there were 288 sparks that fell. 202 of them were left in Egypt. That's why it says 8 of 8 of 202. When they left they took out 202 sparks which are all the sparks basically of Mitzrayim. But there's 288 so there's 86 left Alec in. Aleph lamed is 86. That's the 86 sparks that were left. There's 86 years of the actual as well. So that's the sparks outside of Mitzrayim but they were in the Jews. The whole of it understand this. So in order to explain the whole story with the stick and the snake he's going into another topic. To understand the concept of these sparks that fell down during the breaking of the vessels and what it means to sublimate them. The Indian in this is it's knowing whenever he says known it means it's known to those who know. It doesn't mean it's known it's known it means it's known. It's known for those who know. Huh? I don't know what it means. I'm just telling you when he says you're doing you should just expect something that you don't know. read it as a known thing. Whenever it says you're doing don't expect to read something that you know. Something you don't know. I says it's known. It's known to those who know. Those who know things. Those who know how many people know, right? It's known. Huh? I don't know. Okay, that's good. That that's the is unknown. That's maybe the deepest knowledge. Right? That you don't know. It's known in the concept of the of the breaking of the vessels who miss us as I am walking in the toilet. It's the spiritual death of the seven primordial kings of a world known as the world of the world of chaos. They fell. They they broke. Sorry, they broke. The and the sparks fell below the to the three worlds I see the clippers and the other And they fell into shells. Clippers are shells, husks. They fell into a concept that we call clippers shells and which means the other side. Side means the other in side means the other side meaning the side that's not the side of holiness. Of course, every is a lot of energy. What this means is the initial other. Take for example the soul of a person. Before the soul came into the body she was completely nullified, completely one, completely aligned with the presence with the light of the infinite one blessed be he. As the passage says in the base says I have a sham. Asher amadeti lefanav. I stood before him. Which in Sifrei HaNistar is a metaphor for every neshama. That every neshama could say about itself, amadeti lefanav. My soul before it came into the body was completely nullified. It was completely subsumed, completely submerged in the infinite presence of Hashem. Behino mishum she'azla haya davar amashich umastir al ha'gilui elokus. It's because there was nothing to block, to darken, or to eclipse on her, on the soul, the revelation of godliness. Lekach haya asupta lema kareh betachlis. So therefore, naturally, organically, she felt who she was, and she was completely one, completely nullified, completely part of her source. Betachlis, in the ultimate sense, no separation. U'chivan she'yarad lematta, when the soul descends below, u'mitlabeshet beguf chomeri, and it encloses itself in a body that by its own nature, it's brute, it's coarse, it's physical matter, which is what it's supposed to be. This is not a tragedy. Guf chomeri is the reality. The body is material, it's physical. That's what it introduces into life. Az ha'guf mastir alav. So what happens is, the body eclipses the vision of the soul. V'eyo es nidmeh ha'olam umalo el ha'yesh bedavar bifnei atzmo. Now, suddenly, the whole world and everything in the world appears to the human being as a yesh. Bedavar bifnei atzmo. It's something that is completely separate, detached, and independent of divine infinity. V'ein ro'eh bechinat ha'bitul shel kol ha'olamot legabei Ein Sof Baruch Hu umachaye umalbish umekayem It's basically somebody puts a What do they give out in the airplanes you should be able to sleep? What are they called? Mask. Huh? Blind blinder. You put on They put a blinder on your eyes, a blindfold. You put a covering on your eyes. It doesn't see. But she doesn't see. The truth, what doesn't it see? It doesn't see the bittle of all the oiliness, the oneness, the ultimate unity with the notification of all the worlds in the presence of the light of the infinite one blessed be he who gives them all life and sustenance and substance and existence continuously. So here you have he's giving a metaphor for a phenomenon where there are two different levels of experience. There's how the soul sees reality before it enters into body into the body. And then there is reality after it enters into the body. And that creates a very serious transformation. Not because the reality changed, but because what changes is my experience of the reality. And that's the key. The reality may be exactly the same. My experience of what reality is is a completely different experience because it's based on what my vision is capable of at the moment. And if there's something that is blocking my vision and not allowing me to experience this vision. Is is it being blocked through like seeing through colored glasses? Okay. Before Torah I it's blocked. After Torah I you could start seeing a little bit through colored glasses. In other words, that depends on where the person is and their sensitivities and their antennas. Didn't we say earlier though that the Adam was created not from Olam Ha'Tachton that he comes from a lower place and the animal Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah. No, he's not saying the neshama is from Olam Ha'Tachton. He's giving an example which he's soon going to get to the nimshal of a concept of having a spark that's blocked. That's he's just giving a mashal. So he wants to give it from the personal experience of the person. Now, for somebody who doesn't know about this contrast, the mashal is very hard to understand. Usually a mashal is trying to make it relatable. But the martial here is a fine nimshal, you know. Usually a martial you give it some practical martial so people get it. Here the martial itself is a very sensitive martial. What is the martial really say? The martial is really introducing if if somebody's to take this seriously, a very very heavy idea. To put it mildly, I would use the words of heavier than heavy, but the I'm not sure I have the right word for it. And that is that there's two visions of reality that are completely different and the soul knows it. The soul knows that what it's seeing is something very different than it used to see. And that it is. So understand the tension that that's creates in life. And that's really the source of all tension and anxiety. Although most of us feel tension in a specific area, this tension because of finances, this tension because of marital disharmony, this tension because of children's issues, this tension because of you're Jewish. You come from You come from Europe. This tension because of unresolved psychological dilemmas or whatever it may be. Huh? Or all of the above and more. And more. You'll consult with your local expert. But the source of all the tension, and that's a very important, the source of all the tension, the source of anxiety comes from one issue and that is that there is a dual a dual reality, a dual vision of the way the soul experiences reality independently, the way it experienced it for thousands of years before it made the journey into our mother's wombs and then into ultimately an independent body and then post that. So And, know, a little humorously, there's life before birth. Mhm. There's life after death, right? So, the the the let's say the the comedians like saying that science already has established that there's life before birth. They have established that there's life after death. The only question is if there's life after birth. That we're not sure yet about. Now, what is this What is this dual vision? It means that uh to quote uh to quote a poem, if the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear as is, infinity. How does that happen? That's the confusion of the soul, that it doesn't recognize the life after birth. economy, right? So, if the doors of perception were cleansed, but they're not cleansed. The doors of perception, he says, are darkened, are eclipsed. So, there's somebody who put something in front of my eyes physically, and I can't see. I can't see the world around me. I can't see the glory around me. I can't see the majesty around me. Blinders. Blinders, profound one. But, here the blinders are so profoundly existential. And what is the diff- What are What am I seeing? What am I not seeing? I'm not seeing basically that reality is divine. Why is reality divine? Because all existence, the substance of every reality, the reality of every reality, the reality of every Reality comes from the word real, truth, emes. Reality is real. What is real? What is the truth of reality? The truth of reality, the Bal Tanya says, is ain soph baruch. The infinite reality of the divine. That is truth. In other words, there's infinity everywhere. Everything is infinity. Everything is part of infinity. And that begins with yourself. Begins with yourself, with your own identity. Any perception of the self Doesn't make it a Shabbos good yontif. Any perception of the self outside of this identity is already a crude perception that has been introduced as a result of a blinder. It's not how the soul itself would have experienced reality and therefore not itself. So, that's why he says by the soul bittel was its most organic, holistic, natural uh MO, way of life. Why? Not because it has to force itself, not because it's surrendering to something else, because without any blinders, when there's gili elokus, when the doors of perception are cleansed, when all blinders are eliminated, then everything appears as is. What is? What is is that the ain soph is machaya mahava is the substance, is the reality of all reality. But, we come into a a place called the body and we don't see. We don't see. Now, the question becomes a whole different question. Is there a God b'cholam? It goes from one extreme to another extreme. From one extreme, where is there an I, the question now becomes is there a God? Even if your answer is yes, it's not the same yes that the soul once experienced. It's a different yes. It's a yes based on tradition or a yes based on proofs or a yes based just on fear. You're not going to say what you think. Whatever. I'm not going to get into what your yes is, why you say yes. Is that Is that not the journey? That's the journey we have to go on. This is not a judgment call. Don't we We're busy whenever we define things that we're busy judging people. He never does that, I told you. Do you understand? complaining. He wasn't complaining. On the contrary, he's identifying. All healing comes from identification. Facts. That's what it is. Facts. Facts and deeper facts, yeah. So So So this So So this this transition, this metamorphosis, is such a profound a transformation. It's almost like It's almost like a cry. You can almost hear You can almost hear a lamentation. He just can't see it. And not because he chose not to see or because there's something wrong. That's the nature of reality. The nature of reality is the soul The soul's perception has to experience everything through a body. And the body, by nature, is a material a material existence, which is also part of the inside. But the way it translates the message to us on an intellectual or emotional level is a person cannot see that oneness anymore. Person doesn't see. The Kotsker Maggid on his deathbed, there's a story in the that he was on he was on he was already before he passed away. And he told He told his son His son was there. And he told his son that Ich hab finished can go. I don't have a body anymore. It's all soul. So his son took his father's hand, lifted it up and says, "Tata, ich tap doch give." In the pop In the Polish accent, the Polish accent. "Ich tap doch give." Which means I feel body. So he says, "Mein Sohn, the tapst mit give feels the give." The instrument you're using to feel me is with your body. So, that's all you can feel. The instrument you use to determine reality, that will define the reality that you will discover through the instrument. You can't discover a reality by employing the instrument and you that that is going to by definition is going to define the reality. Can't have a reality that will be greater and deeper and more perceptive than the very tool and mechanism you're using to define the reality. So, when the guf is looking at the world and the neshama is looking through the guf, it must see a world that's completely not finite. It sees a world that is basically completely egotistical. Everything is a yesh vadavar min ha'atzmi and it's survival of the fittest. Everybody's just trying to survive in this world. In another world, in the neshama before the body, the doors of perception are completely open. There's complete transparency. Everything appears as is, infinite. So, now my question to you is, what would life look like if those blinders wouldn't be here? That's important to think about. What would life look like? All of life. What would this class look like? What would your marriage look like? What would your relationship with your children look like? What would work look like? What would eating look like? What would sleep? What would everything look like? From small things to big things, from emotions to to perspectives, from relationships, what would reality look like? Why is it so important to think about this? It's important to think about this because this is reality. Everything else is not reality. This is actually reality. So, it's important to think, what happens if one day I'm going to start LIVING IN REALITY. BARUCH HASHEM, I'M NOT. OKAY? THANK GOD, RIGHT? Like like like like somebody once said, "Thank God I don't know the truth." Thank God. Makes things simpler maybe or more complicated. But, let's say one day one Let's say one day reality happens. So, I want you to understand something. Whenever Jews talk about Mashiach, Mashiach, Mashiach, Mashiach, what is that really? What is that really? On the moment and all these things, the real concept is basically that Judaism says one day reality will be real. And if reality will be real, what is reality going to look like? Through the body? Of course, through the body. And that stays limited. Once we descend down to the body, it all works through the body. There's no escaping that anymore. It works through the body. There's a reason the soul was sent down. That's what I'm saying. It's not a tragedy. It's not because somebody made a mistake here. This is the journey. It works through the body. So, that's a real question. If I If my doors of perception are cleansed, what do you think life would look like? Anybody wants to answer? What your marriage would look like? The Torah said that you couldn't There's certain things that you can't see cuz they're really too much for us. Right. We'll see. Right. Right. Now, remember, this itself has multi-layers. How much of ain sof one can grasp. Every But the common But the the truth is that this is a common denominator of every neshama. Every single neshama before it comes down has this. So, this is not something that has to really be acquired. It's a vision that one really has because the soul is very well aware of this. The soul needs no convincing of this. We think we need convincing of it because we tell ourselves we need convincing of it. But really, this is more in tune with you than any other vision because remember, the body essentially is a corpse. The soul gives it life. But then the body imposes on the soul a perception that's alien to the soul. That's the tension of life, the psychological tension because the soul is struggling to recover that old perception. And the whole world is telling the soul, "You're delusional. You need meds." One more second. You just have a sugar now. Yeah, you need you need you need a lot of help. But the soul knows that it doesn't need you're you're you're you're you're you're So there's a very profound tension and until one can make peace with the soul's reality so that the soul could make peace with itself and stop being told that someone is a mushroom or they're hallucinating, there's a tremendous anxiety in the soul. And no vacation in the world will assuage this tension. Nothing. On the contrary, it will usually increase it. Because you're sitting at the water and you're relaxed and everything is supposed to be perfect and you're wondering, you have everything, you're healthy. The view is unbelievable, right? Everything is supposed to be perfect. This is the euphoric state that Americans look forward to. And nothing is happening. It's like, what? Now the tension is even more. What's going on now? What do I need now? What's next? Okay, so baruch Hashem, you get hungry, you go for lunch and you forget about it. Right? But but because it's really it all goes back to this issue. The issue has nothing to do with circumstances. You'll make yourself a little better, you'll have a beautiful view. So nice things, geshmak, enjoy your vacation. But the tension is something else. The soul is jumping out of its box. Jumping out of the box because it sees reality in a different way, completely. Experiences reality in a different way. You're saying that that's temptation of psychedelic substances. No no, somebody once told me and I know a lot of people they told me that's the only reason they do it. They want to seek Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you come tomorrow, was this not paradigm shift, reception of that paradigm shift terrifying so that Yeah, that's my point. It's very terrifying. I wonder what would what would life look like. Start with your marriage. Marriage is a good place to begin. But we're never there. How do we know what's what's going to be You were there and you are there. No, no, it was it was erased before you came in here. No, no, no, no, you think it was erased. here and got it erased. Why why do you think it your phone now. You you know it. It sounds like a scientific nervous habit. It sounds like a scientific uh But what made you nervous? What made you nervous about my question? I'm not fidgeting, but I always fidget. It's Okay, this is of course a core question. So we're going to discuss You can't go to Tzaddikim for this. You have to go to yourself first. I I I agree with you. Get to that What how how the world would look without your body interfering your body interfering. Without the perception being blocked. Well, that's your body interfering. You know, I mean, okay, say whichever way you want, without uh Your eyes open. the perception being blocked. Without the perception being blocked. Your eyes are open now. Nobody knows and nobody's going to know until they die. And that's the end of the beginning and the end. You have to die. And you can become spiritual about it. And you can you can try to convince yourself, but you'll never you'll never see it until you die. That wasn't the question. Okay. Nobody nobody knows this world, period. If if this question was answerable, we we would have known it already. I think your eyes are closed. Okay, so what do you see? What do you see? Does he see cartoons? Yeah. He can't tell me uh my eyes are closed. His eyes are open. I can hear you loud. This is question of Of course. The four people that went into the Pardes What do you say? were grappling with this. But Akiva came out in peace. At least Ben Azai couldn't deal with anything afterwards. Reality was too complicated for him. And Ben Zoma and Ben Azai, right? One died and one went insane. That was our bonus for the Pardes. Now you have to know why each one responded in his own way, but uh what exactly did they see that drove some of them insane? And then Rabbi Akiva comes out in complete peace. What did he know that others didn't know? All right, the two people that went into the cave for 14 years they came out Two of the father and son who went into the cave for 14 years they came out and they Ah, they mean that they burnt the world. I want to but I want to I'll bring that one point I just want to say one point here. When he starts to get to his nimshal here with clippers and scissors and all that. Uh-huh. Ein Kamocha, Rabbi Akiva. One particular one particular practical ramification, more than practical, psychological also practical, has to do very much with self-perception. What do I mean has to with self-perception? We have here a definition of the word bittul that is very meaningful, very profound. The word bittul in halacha means nullification. The word bittul in avodas Hashem, when somebody says, you read in the sefer you have to be mevattel yourself, means what? Nullify yourself. Obliterate yourself. Abnegate yourself. That's what it means, bittul. In halacha we have bittul bishishim. Yeah, you get lost in the 60. The drop of milk gets lost in the ratio of 1 to 60 in the fleishig cholent, so it's kosher. In other words, its flavor is lost. It's nullified. But there's a question in halacha what bittul means. Does bittul mean machlokes harishonim. Does bittul mean the drop gets lost and forfeited and therefore it's insignificant? Or the pshat is the Rosh, it's considered transformed. It's transformed. It becomes part of the cholent. It's a different definition and it has halachic ramifications what the definition of bittul is. When we speak about bittul, what do we mean by bittul? Here in avodas Hashem, it means to nullify yourself. But here he actually he says bittul is the natural state of the soul. The natural state of the soul is bittul. The natural state of the world is bittul kol ha'olam is it's ein sof. Actually, not bittul is unnatural. That comes from blockages. When there's no blockage, there's bittul. When there's a blockage, there's no bittul. That means bittul is the natural expression of reality. When reality can't express itself naturally and it seeks alternatives because there's a blockage and therefore you create new realities, new perceptions, and alternative definitions of reality, now suddenly bittul becomes challenged. If this is the case, then when a person looks at himself or a person looks at herself, and what do they see in themselves? What do you see in yourself? I want to ask you this question. When you look at yourself and you would have, let's say, if I would ask each of you to give a description of your deepest self in 2-3 minutes. Right? You think most of it would be myles or chasronos? Huh? Virtues or vices or neither? What do you think would come out? Most people in this room. Just facts. The Marshall Plan is I don't mean just facts, where you live and what coat you're wearing or what yarmulke if you have six or eight. I don't know what do you have. They didn't check when you came in? I'm asking I'm asking deep those aren't facts but deeper facts. I don't really mean the name of a mother your name of your mother and father for a birth certificate. That's important who you are. Your inner self, what does it look like? What does it look like? Wow. Huh? Okay. So we do this we do this all the time. You'll see when people think throughout the day much of their thoughts about are who they are. Probably all thoughts are about who we are. Even when we're thinking about somebody else we're really thinking about who we are because it's my response to you. I'm never thinking about you. It's what you do to me. Oh, she makes me so angry. This guy is so crazy. I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about what you do for me. In other words, I'm talking about myself. You make me angry. You make me crazy. You It's always about me, right? So probably all of our thoughts are about ourselves. Even if it's about the world it's about how we are experiencing the world. So and certainly there's a lot of thoughts almost directly about ourselves. I'm in this state, I'm in this state, I'm in that state. Especially when you get up to diving, let's say you want to really dive in and the world right away come in to dive in your thoughts is I can't dive in. I don't want to dive in. I don't believe in this. I'm not interested in this. What do all these words mean anyway? I have no relationship. What am I doing? Okay, by that time diving is over. You're good to go. But and the more you get into it, the more you have all these confusions, all these bull and I'm in and I'm out and I'm not and I mean it and I don't mean it and I really mean it but I'm really good but I'm so bad that I don't even know how bad I am. And I'm so bad that I don't even feel how bad etc. etc. The first you say here, the first fundamental idea is as follows. That in truth, the truth is this. The only time you're discussing yourself truthfully is when you understand this truth about yourself. In other words, any self-definition listen to me. I'm going to listen to me. Listen to the idea. Listen to the idea. Don't listen to me. That'll be part of the problem. You're part of the solution. Any perception or definition of self outside of this one, namely that you are part of infinity. You are an expression of earning side by cuz earning side with the light of the infinite one is infinite and it includes you as well. You're also part of earning side by cuz or any definition of the self outside this that God is in you, with you, part of you, shining through you at this moment, in this place, at this time, under these circumstances. Any definition of the self outside of that is coming from a compromise of the true reality of the self. Any definition of self that does not capture the self under this umbrella in these words that I am an extension of the ain soph. In other words, that I am part of the divine I. So another definition of the self is basically coming from a blockage. Which we all have. We're blocked. There's blinders. But that also means the blinders don't take away reality. Blinders don't disturb reality. They disturb my appreciation of reality. This means that all the problems that you say about yourself are always perceptions of how you're experiencing yourself not based on who YOU REALLY ARE. NOW, THIS IS A THIS IS LIFE life work. To try to align my experience of me with me. But it's a different type of work already. Why is it a different type of work? Because it's aligning, it's not creating. It's aligning my appreciation of me with me. So now I ask you, if I would be able to align my appreciation of me with me, who what would I think of me? Zadik. I would only know when it's The my the mylas go up. It's mylas. Don't talk about mylas anymore. The word mylas is already a product of the abuse. You understand? The word mylas is You know, you're a horrible guy, but you have a few mylas. Or you're not a horrible you have only mylas. Yeah? But it's already it's already in that world of judgment. Yes. Mylas versus mylas versus. Now think about this. If you will have to you want to have an very honest conversation with somebody. The most honest conversation you ever had. Ever. In other words, everything is going to be open. There will be nothing that will be hidden. Nothing that will be concealed. You're going to open up yourself completely. Strip every last garment and every last layer. For many people that is the most frightening thing in the world. They will not even let you get close. Like atomic energy. Like the like the nuclear like Dimona in Israel. Even if you get close to the machine guns the the the the the the planes will will throw bombs. Don't get close there. But what really is that fear based on? What is that fear based on? What is generally the fear of vulnerability based on? What? What is it? What is the fear of being honest based on? What's going to happen if I'm going to be honest? Rejection. Loss of comfort with yourself. Selfishness. You'll lose either your comfort with yourself or equally equally common, you're going to lose your you're going to lose your standing in the eyes of the person you're talking to. That you think that they have a That you think they have of you or they may even have of YOU IN YOUR MIND AT LEAST. BUT THAT will lead you to lose comfort with yourself. OF COURSE. WHICH ITSELF IS ALSO SO WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY'RE GOING to if they're going to think lowly of me? You'll think lowly Then who am I? Again, it's back to me. Who am I? So I want this person if he knows this or she knows this, it's over. It's all over. They'll never look at me the same way. They'll never say good Shabbos to me again. And I used to be a over here. I'm going to go down for being a khashavah Eid. I'm going to go into the dumps. I'm going to go mamash to the dumps. I'm going to be a nobody. I I am a nobody. Because this is true. But at least in the community I'm a somebody. So at least on some level I could also be a somebody when I LOOK AT MYSELF THE WAY the community looks at me. Right. Which is not more sense. Which is of course a very horrible way to live. Because it means you don't really exist, right? And the only reason you exist is because somebody else thinks you exist in a prominent way. And the longer you could feed that lie and that perception, you will. And you'll do anything to hold on to it. Because if not, you lose everything. And to lose everything is very very painful. But what imagine if you could see yourself a little bit from the Balatanya's perspective. Imagine you could see yourself in that perspective. What would that mean? That would mean that What would that mean? What would that translate into? What do you think? If you could really I don't mean this in a verbal intellectual way, but if you can experience yourself from that perspective, what would such a conversation look like? What would such a presentation look like? What would you be able to come with when you need to speak to somebody openly? Honesty, the kind of completeness. Then no vulnerability will terrify you. Right. On the contrary, on the contrary, it will not scare you at all. Why not? Because the real self, the real real real self is not only not something to be ashamed about, the real self is actually not even a self. It's part of the divine self. It's part of insight. So it's the greatest self-affirmation to the point they don't even need self-affirmation because it's naturally one with oneness. You know, like we learned about about Yehudah where self-expression even becomes a compromise of confidence. But it's not something that you've built. Right. Even your own positive accomplishments in life don't have Even your positive accomplishments are part of your problem cuz you're busy with them. You're busy using them to justify your existence. Because without that I don't have an existence. So, even when we speak about positive accomplishments, we're part of those who speak about their negative accomplishments all day. In other words, obsession comes in two forms, my friends. Obsession comes in the form I'm bad. There's an equal obsession called I'm good. So, how do you deal And that's equally the same issue. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm so good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm really good. But I'm really good. And I'll prove it. I'll prove it. I'm good. It's the same issue. Now, this doesn't mean I don't have mistakes. On the contrary, it means that all my mistakes usually come are coming from the fact cuz I'm not being me. And the moment I'll be me, then of course I'm going to get rid of my mistakes. In fact, I immediately disassociate from them. But what about saying I'm sorry? What about saying I'm sorry? Why is it hard for somebody to apologize? Why is it hard for somebody to get up, imagine in shul in front of a thousand people, and I made a mistake yesterday. I'm sorry. What's going to happen after that? What's going to be left? What's going to be left? The whole image of who I am is gone. But according to this, what's really going to be left? You. You're going to be left with something that's indestructible. You'll be left with you. On the contrary, by not doing it, you're never in touch with you cuz you're creating a fake you, a false you that doesn't even exist. And then it works the other way around. In order to get closer to that you, I need to do that. Because as long as I live with a dual reality, I can't live with real reality. So, it's the other way. The more vulnerable, the more refreshing it is cuz it actually allows me to stay in touch with who I really really am. Yes, said my little smart. Last night father described somebody saying, "He's a very good person with a lot of faults." Okay. And that's what I'm thinking about. But but you understand that the faults, the mistakes, the sins, even if they're very heavy, are usually attributed to the fact that the person has never been connected to their true self. Because most sin comes from a void. And the void comes from the fact that I feel horrible. I feel empty. Right? Addiction, sins, they're coming from a void. We're trying to fill a void. What's that void coming from? The void comes from that God is not in me, with me, this moment, right now. If it would be, if I would have that perception, what's the void? The void is that I'm outside of Ain Soph. I'm outside of Ain Soph, and I have to create a substitute reality. So, the body desperately struggles to find grounding on which I could say that I exist. I don't need that grounding. Because for character, the less I exist, the more I exist. The more I exist, the less I exist. I hope you understood what I said. But the body is desperately trying to create a substitute reality. So, I could look in the mirror and say, "Ah, I exist." The moment something happens around me that's questioning my existence, I'm terrified. And I will concoct reality. I'll do even a stupid thing. I'm late to an appointment. Why am I late to the appointment? Cuz I left late. So, the guy calls me 1:00. He says, "Where are you?" So, the voice in me says, "Tell him that Foreshay is blocked off, and give him the whole story that it's been blocked for 3 years, and make it nice. Explain to them how the city works here, and I'm stuck 45 minutes. The thing is Foreshay's has not been blocked off for a few months already. Besides that, you left an hour late. I'll do it for Shay. Besides that, you're not even on Foreshay. Right? But, it's always the FDR is bumper to bumper. You ever heard that? The FDR is bumper to bumper. Why do we do this? W- W- Why can't you say the truth? The answer is, if I'm going to tell you I left late, what's going to happen? You're going to think I'm late. You're going to look at me as disrespectful. You're going to look at me as irresponsible. So, my image is going to go down in your eyes. So, my image is going to go down in my eyes. So, who am I? Who What's left of me? So, therefore, I create every lie is basically perpetuating a substitute reality of self, so I should be able to stand in a more safe zone, and on more solid grounding in the world. What happens if I say the truth? I say the truth, and I say, "I'm so sorry. I left late." He may be fuming. Yeah? I once had a Shabbat tone somewhere, to Montreal, and I missed my flight cuz I slept late. I set the alarm, but I did what good Jews do. It's called snooze. I wanted to sleep another 5 minutes. I left I I I I missed the flight. It was Friday. It was a Newark flight, and it was a horrible weather. So, I called up to get the news. I said, "There's no more flights today." Sh- No more flights. I ran to the airport. I couldn't get a flight. So, now I had to call up the lady organizing the Shabbat tone to say I'm not coming, and they organize around a year in advance. It wasn't It was one of these Malave Malkas that they they call you 3 and 1/2 hours before, you know, and then they call you after the ma'aseh. They want to know why you didn't come yesterday. But, a guy called me from California to come to a lecture the next night. I said, "I'm booked already." She said, "But I put up signs you're coming." Anyway, so I call her up. I'll never forget. I call her up. I call up the lady. She gets it. That's your reality. She says, "Hi." I say, "Hi." So, I say, "I'm so sorry, but I'm not going to make it for Shabbos." She says, "What? Why not?" So, I missed the flight. SHE'S LIKE, "WHY DID YOU MISS THE FLIGHT?" SO, every natural instinct in me was saying, "Tell her that the family grandmother died. You have to go to a levaya. Somebody committed suicide near the building and the police arrested you. They were you. I got into an accident. I broke my foot in the middle of the night. The doctor said you're not going anywhere for 9 years." Happens to to to to to the Vietnam text. She's going to know if I broke my foot. But I knew I knew that that's one of the worst things you could do in life. It's toxic. It's poisonous and it doesn't allow you to live. It creates the biggest tension cuz your life is based on fakeness. Even a small line. It's a lie. It's a shikatok. So, I told her I told her, "I'll tell you the story. I set my alarm for 5:00. I pressed snooze. I slept an extra hour and a half. I woke up 6:30. I missed the flight." She started to laugh. She started She's That's the whole story? I said, "That's the whole story. I overslept." She was laughing. I said, "What's so funny?" She says, "I can't believe that's your excuse." Tell me the truth. That's it. SO, THAT'S MY EXCUSE. I OVERSLEPT. She said, "For 12 months we're working on this." I said, "I'm so so so so sorry. I'm sorry. I feel horrible. I apologize. I'm so sorry." She was laughing. It was very interesting because my soul was also laughing. And now you want to know if I made it for Shabbos, yeah? I ran to LaGuardia. And there was a last flight, then I came 10 minutes before the flight. And the woman said, "Why are you so late?" So I told her the story. She said, "You'll take a flight at night." I said, "It's Shabbos, I can't fly on Shabbos." She said, "In honor of the Sabbath, I'll let you go." I arrived to the hotel 5 minutes after licht zinden. That was the mice of that. Okay, but what's the point here? The point here is in life we always have these opportunities. It always comes back to the same issue. Are you going to create a substitute existence? Every time I lie, I create I'm not talking about lying to be clock nefesh. Or what the Gemara says, you know, you want to save Whatever. Then it's a whole different Indian. I'm talking here out of fear of image image issue. That's what I'm talking about, which is what a lie basically is. What is it? It's I'm going to disintegrate. Why am I going to disintegrate? Because I have no I without you thinking that I'm a good guy. And the moment you think I'm a bad guy, cuz I came late to an appointment that you waited 6 months, there's nothing left. What is this based on? I don't even know who I am. I don't even understand who I am. On the other hand, if you start understanding this, what happens? I make mistakes. You know why I make mistakes? For whatever reason. Could be I make mistakes cuz I don't realize who I am actually. I make mistakes. I sin. I do bad things. And that's not the basis of my I to cover up on them. On the contrary, I could be vulnerable and I could reclaim that there's a real I that's beyond all that. That doesn't get destroyed or created by the image of people around me, and therefore by my image of creating a pseudo reality that doesn't exist. I have a question. Yeah. What is the psychology uh behind telling lies and excuses to people that you'll never meet again? You're not going to do shidduchim with them. I understand that image when you have people you're surrounded with, and then people you're not going to never meet again. Excellent question. Why do people lie all the time to people that they don't have a connection to? They're not doing shidduchim with them. They used to be themselves. I think I think I think if you think of me, "What a jerk he is, what an idiot he is." Yeah? What does that do for me? I I'm not that way. I don't care if it's somebody I have never I'm never going to meet again. I don't care. Okay. So you So your psyche So your psyche yeah worked it out a little bit. Now the truth is, when you're honest with people, they respect you, of course, much, much more than when you said "bumper to bumper" cuz they know there wasn't bumper to bumper. You know when people lie to you. Everybody knows, right? You feel it. So when you tell me, even if I don't look at Google, you don't need Google for When you tell me, "I was late, I slept in." Actually, you're human. I can We respect people much more. So it's really the other way around. But in our perception, I have to be perfect. It's really people want that you should be human. You're human, you made a mistake, you slept in. Okay. You say, "I'm sorry." You get much, much more respect. That's besides the That's besides the fact. But I'm talking here about our fear of God forbid being imperfect. People like imperfection. Why do they like imperfection? Humanize. Cuz then they could connect to you cuz they know that they're imperfect. If you're perfect, I can't connect to you. If you're vulnerable, I'm also vulnerable, we could connect. So it actually enhances relationships really much, much deeper. The more you could say you make mistakes, the much more respect you're going to have. And that's a fact. Cuz people really could connect to you. They trust you. They trust you. They they they they feel that there's something very real here. So, it's actually the other way around. They feel that there's something real. Page 113. Daf noon zayin amud aleph. 1 2 3 4 5 6. Six lines from the top. So, the metaphor employed in order to explain sparks that fall down from a world that we know is the called the world of Tohu. And those sparks need to be elevated. The mashal brought is the soul of a person. The soul of a person before it comes into the body is completely one, completely unified, completely submerged, completely bottled, and completely subsumed by the presence of the infinite one, blessed be he. Why? Because there's absolutely nothing blocking. There's nothing darkening, nothing eclipsing the perceptiveness of the soul. And because there's nothing eclipsing it, so therefore, it's natural, organic state is oneness with the ain soph without any any separation. However, once it descends into this world, so by definition of its Excuse me, of its being enclosed, of its being manifested, of its being malbush in what he calls a gufa chomeri, a body in a world that is much more brute, uh more coarse, more material. So, naturally the soul's vision gets eclipsed to be able to look at the So, now that it it sees itself, it sees the world, it sees reality, it sees it as a yesh and a dover nifrad. It sees it as a self-contained egotistical detached reality. And the soul does not naturally see the bittle of all the olam as ligabe The soul does not see the natural oneness of all the worlds with the infinite presence of Hashem who gives life and sustenance and substance and vitality and really the very existence to all of the worlds. So, we have here the phenomenon of the soul that is experiencing a metamorphosis from the way it is on its own. And the way it is on its own remains also in this world. It's not like the soul dies. The soul loses it. It doesn't lose it. It's just if I'm wearing a blinders, even though my eyes can see, but right now I can't see. If I plug my ears, even though the music is playing, usually I can hear the music. But my ears are plugged, I can't hear the music. But it's not that the music is alien from me. On my own I would hear the music. I know On my own I would hear the music. The Baal Shem Tov once gave a metaphor to describe uh Huh? You come to a town and there's a Yeah, with the music. Huh? Well, what are you referring to? I think the language that people are dancing and they don't even hear Yeah, it's an amazing amazing metaphor of the Baal Shem Tov. The Baal Shem Tov once said that there was uh there was um there was a town and you know, you have the like we have a you have it a lot in the city, especially uh musicians. And the town had a real skilled musician who was sitting in the in the in the square in the square and he was playing his instrument. And there was it was heavenly, it was paradise. And you could not move by it. People who walked, they remained glued. People who had a sensitivity for music, it was so brilliant, it was so inspiring. It was musically so enriching that they just stopped. And after a while, they started to dance. They started to dance. He says, "You come to the screen, you see people are dancing." And he says, "What was this one man walked by and then he looks a bunch of meshugoyim. Bunch of crazy, crazy people that off their rocker. They push him. He says, "The whole my whole city went insane. My whole city went insane. How could you live in this city? Normal people?" The Ba'al Shem Tov says there was only one issue. This man was deaf. So all he saw was people jumping around, screaming, holding hands, swaying, dancing, leaping off the earth. And in his mind, in the city square to do this is insane. From his perspective, he was completely right. Who do Walk. What are you doing? What are you dancing? Cuz he didn't hear the music. So the Ba'al Shem Tov said that that's often what life is. That sometimes there are people who hear music, so they dance. But everyone else looks at them and says, "This is meshuga. This is totally meshuga." Because they're deaf. So from their experience, there's no music. What are you dancing? They don't have the antennas to be able to appreciate the music. This is how the Ba'al Shem Tov responded to with those who criticized him that some of his disciples when they daven, they daven with a lot of passion. They asked the Ba'al Shem Tov, "Why do you allow this crazy behavior?" So the Ba'al Shem Tov says, "Could be they're hearing music and you're just deaf." So it's not even a judgment call. It's actually not a judgement call. It's it it demonstrates just reality the different different interpretations of the same reality. For him, people are just jumping up and down. They're crazy. And for them, it was just a natural response to the music. So, this is a place where the soul is tuned into a particular reality. So, before birth, every soul was tuned into this. Once the soul comes into the body, now it becomes there's a struggle. And the struggle is can the soul still sense? Can the soul still still experience the ain soph, which is its natural experience? Can it still hear the music? The soul hears the music and it starts dancing the whole time. But there's a voice that tells it, "Don't be crazy. Don't be a meshuggener. Don't be and the main thing is don't tell anybody else." Cuz they'll really think you're off your rocker. So, that's uh it's a very it's a very profound experience. It's also a very sad experience. It's also could be a very tragic experience. What do you do for somebody who's completely deaf? How do you explain it? How do you even present it? How do you present it? They say there was once a It's one of these, you know, stories, anecdotes, anecdotal stories about a nightingale bird. You know, the nightingale bird is is known for its its legendary songs. And the nightingale bird would come every day in the afternoon after lunch and hold a concerto in the jungle. Would climb up on one of the trees and all the animals would come around and bask and bathe in the beautiful melodies of the nightingale. And it was in the the highlight of the day. This was, you know, the moment of inspiration. And uh everybody was close to the nightingale. They loved the nightingale. And one day, as the nightingale was standing on one of the trees and singing, a hungry lioness approached the nightingale and just ate it up, opened its mouth and ate up the nightingale. And people were people, animals were beyond furious. It was you couldn't do anything with the lions because the lions are the kings of the Malik Shaba that the kings of the jungle but they were furious. And somebody went over to the lion as one of them and said, "Why? Why? Felt there is praying the jungle. There's no there's no food you had to you had to go take this this nightingale." And after after a while they realized that the lion was deaf. The lion was deaf. It wasn't personal. Huh? It wasn't personal. Completely not. The lion was deaf so the whole world was being inspired by the nightingale but for the lion it was just another piece of flesh. So that's what happens. Sometimes you can have in the same in the same community, the same society, somebody is deaf or a lot of people are deaf. They don't hear. They don't hear any music. They don't hear any music so therefore they are convinced that reality the way they live it is perfectly normal and they everybody else is tight with sugar because they don't hear the music. The challenge is once you hear the music, yeah, how do you go back to the reality of people who don't hear the music? Good luck. That could be challenging. Okay, I'm even younger. But let's go right. The whole Marshall the same is a Marshall who English This is a Marshall for the concept of Marshall means the breaking of the vessels, the smashing of the containers where sparks of the world of you fell and they enclosed themselves in the shells of the worlds of Russia. tsutsus. The husks eclipse the sparks of must do the nice semi-cold sod and they black them. They hide them from every side, every angle shall we argue Gilead and safe borough hall so that the sparks should not feel any more what they would naturally be attuned to and that is the presence, the revelation of the light of the infinite one blessed be he. To the point that these realities can become completely separate or combine as Pharaoh says there's a possible that Pharaoh says the river the river is mine and I created myself. This was Pharaoh's philosophy. Somebody once said about a certain person, he's a self-made man and he worships his creator. This was Pharaoh. The river is mine I made myself. How can a person develop this conception in life? When the sparks that give him or her vitality are divine. In other words, what fuels your atheism is your relationship with the inside. So you have your paradox. The reason I could exist and have feeling is because I'm part of the inside. I utilize that fuel to deny any relationship with the inside. That's the concept of shviras hakelim mefilas hanitsutsus. Mefila here doesn't mean a physical fall. It's a metaphor like all these words are always metaphors, symbolism. Mefila means a concept when one thing is in a particular place and it ends up in another place but there's no association to the original. There's a jump and there's a fall. A jump is deliberate. A jump is intentional. A jump is I want to get from here to here. A fall and a mefila represents a person has a mefila. So just like physically it can cause a bad injury because it wasn't expected, you weren't prepared, it wasn't commensurate with what you're capable of doing, it's not what your body needs at the moment, etc. Spiritually or psychologically, we have the word anafal. He's an anafal. He's an anafila. You go through an anafila, a tremendous downfall, so that your original state is lost on the fall, but it's still the same person. It's when you end up in a different location, but there's no deliberate connection, and therefore, the relationship between the later point and the original point is very compromised, to the point that it may not be recognizable. So, you have the original energy, but it's the way the original energy is distorted as a result of an anafila, in which you may not even recognize the beauty of the original energy. So, sometimes you'll have, for example, a a genius who has a breakdown, and after the breakdown, they still walk the streets, and they utter words, but the words are not cohesive anymore. Sentences don't make sense anymore. There is somewhat of a genius that remains. There is something, a remnant of the ancient glory that remains. It's like when you look at the what they discovered in the Atlantic, when they discovered in the 1980s, the Titanic, the remnants of the Titanic. So, when I saw the pictures of it, there's an album, I saw all the pictures of exactly what it looked like. I thought, this is a very powerful mashal for the shviras hakelim of olam hatoyeh. Titanic was the glorious ship of the time. It was extraordinary, right? What did they say? Even God can't sink it, right? That was the expression about the Titanic. Even God can't sink the Titanic. I think it was a mistake. Huh? Big mistake to say that. Yes. Big mistake not to have enough lifeboats. I mean, a lot of big mistakes. Big mistakes to go too fast, big mistakes to be so arrogant about your ship. I mean, a lot of big mistakes. And a lot of Jews on it, too. So, the Titanic sunk on Isru Chag of Pesach, 19 uh 1912. 12, right? Tof Rishayon Beis, yeah. Right after Pesach. I think a few days after Pesach. Is Shavuot a few days after. So in the Atlantic they found they found the remnants. So when you look at the pictures of it, right? There is a similarity between every chamber in its original state and what it looked like now. They had the first class of the Titanic, the dining room, the ballroom. It was something extraordinary. The stick you could see it in the original photos and it's all there. But the way it's there is completely not recognizable. You know, being years and years and years more than 100 years in in in in in the depths in the depths of the oceans. So it's the same thing, but it's completely lost in translation as we say. That's what happens to the sparks. So be so let's now understand So this gives us a little glimpse to understand this concept of Olam HaToho. The Kabbalah teaches it's a big you say in Torah Sanistah that before Hashem created our world he created another world. And if that world is called Olam HaToho, the world of Toho. This is a very fundamental idea that repeats itself my maram of Likutei Torah pretty often. Olam HaToho is the world of chaos. What made it the world of chaos? The Medrash says Hakadosh Baruch Hu boina olamos umahchrivan. He built worlds and he destroyed them. So the Arizal says that's the meaning of the pasuk Bereishit bara Elokim et Hashamayim v'et ha'aretz that's base. That's world two. But originally v'ha'aretz hayesa soiyu. The world was once a place of Toho of chaos. V'choshech al pnei sehom. V'ruach Elokim merachefes al pnei hamayim. The spirit of God hovered over the water. Merachefes is a combination of two words. Reish pei ches meis. 288 sparks died. In the world of Toho you had a world just like we have. A spiritual world that is. A world of energy and a world of containers, a world of Ohr and a world of Kaylim. Cuz everything in life is a marriage between energy and container. Between vitality and the vessels to contain the vitality. Between the soul and the body. Between music and music notes. Between passion and words to express that passion. Between an idea of a book and the writing of the book. An idea of a business, a movement, an organization, a website and implementation. That's always the frustrating marriage between lights and vessels. Ohris and Kaylim. As you know, in this room you have a people who are great dreamers. They dream about world conquest. But when it comes practically, oy vay voy. Very hard to get things done. In an energy level, they're superb. On a container level, it's very difficult. Other people are all containers, no energy. There's no energy, but it's all containers. They're excellent at implementation. It's really the difference between an artist and a businessman. Artists are very into light energy. Businessmen are always looking for the bottom line. Always the bottom line. And the relationship is always a frustrating one. Artists and businessmen together could take over the world, but they could never get along. They frustrate each other ad infinitum because they are so opposite by nature. In the world of Tohu, the ratio was not symmetrical. In other words, the Ohris were Merubim and the Kaylim were Mu'atim. The Ohr was much deeper than the Kayli. And therefore, there was a concept called Shviras HaKaylim that he keeps on referring to. The smashing of the vessels. Smashing of the vessels in the world of Tohu meant that the vessels could not contain the intense energy. Cuz the energy was too intense for the vessel. So, what happens? You have a situation of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. You have an explosion. Tremendous explosion where all the vessels smash, but the vessels contain sparks. They contain sparks, but when they smash, they get splintered. And like when you have an explosion, it's the same house, but nothing is cohesive. There's a piece There's a shard here, and there's a shard here. And now you have to put together the puzzle. On the debris of the world of Tohu, without cleaning up the mess, Ribono shel Olam constructed the world of Tikun, the world of correction, the world of healing. But he didn't first sweep up the mess. When you got a house, you sweep up everything, and then you put in the new house. He didn't do that. He put in He planted our world in the debris of the world of Tohu. In other words, there's Tohu in every person. There's Tohu everywhere. Those parts of your life where the there is a there's a lack of cohesiveness, a lack of integration, where there's a lot of tension and anxiety, usually if there's sparks of Tohu there. Now, the sparks of Tohu are very, very deep, but they had a tremendous nefilah. The smashing of the vessels meant that the sparks are there, but they have a nefilah. What does a nefilah mean? You cannot recognize They cannot recognize their original splendor, their original beauty. So, they have the language of the past. They have the energy of the past without the outlet, without the direction, without the focus, without understanding their own context. Question. Yeah. Our world is put together only by the Tohu, mixed up, or is it new and Tohu is still in Yeah. Yeah, our world is a world of Tikun, but it's built on and in, so to speak, the rubble and the debris of Tohu of Tikun. The The thing is rubble. It's just mixed mixed up. Right. so therefore in every every situation in life you have a mixture of elements of tikkun and toyu. The key quality of tikkun is "Oris Mu'atim b'Kelim Merubim." Smaller dosages of energy in larger containers, so therefore there's no smashing of the vessels because the vessels can contain the energy. And for vessels to contain energy you need large vessels and less energy. In toyu there's more Ohr and less Kelim. In tikkun it's more Kelim and less Ohr. And therefore in tikkun you never have the level of intensity or creativity or rebellion like you have in toyu. You'll never you'll have much more histashlus, much more relaxation, much more serenity, much more resolution. You don't have the "Ritza d'Ratzon." You don't have the the uninhibited quality of toyu. Toyu is uninhibited, it's infinite. Tikkun by definition is finite. Right? Tikkun is the senior citizen who says everybody relax. Don't get too excited about anything, okay? We've been around the block. Let's just Let's just systems systems no tension resolution relaxation. A lot of integration, it has a tremendous maila. It also has a void. The void of tikkun is it doesn't have the the "umph" the "umph" the gusto the zealousness. They didn't have the gusto. The drive. It's Italian, no? Umph uh the "chami" the "umph." How do you say "umph" in Hebrew? The action. The passion, the "lahat." The "lahat" how your kid "b'einayim" "hazik." The "hazik." The bite. The "zik" the the spark in the eyes doesn't have, right? It's a It's a little more dull, it's a little more numb, it's a little more dead. And the two very have a very hard time communicating. Sometimes you'll have young people who are all of "Tzvi writes elsewhere that youth is a martial for toyu and age is a muscle for and youth rights young people often have that profound idealism we're going to change the world and then they have to start paying bills and they stop wanting to change the world and it's it's there's a tragedy to it I said at the bar mitzvah of my son the Gamara says in Shabbos al tigu ben meshichai al tigu ben meshichai ben rabban don't touch my anointed ones these are children so one of the possible interpretations is when you're a child you have that messianic passion to change the world either you'll be Messiah or you'll bring Messiah but you'll do something big but as we get older we get jaded we get cynical we fit into systems so the Gamara says al tigu ben meshichai al tigu ben rabban don't destroy that part of you don't destroy the child don't destroy the infinite spark that will not conform even though they will try to conform they will try to crush it they will try to repress it we spoke about on Shabbos we spoke about that in S'dom the Gamara Hazal say in S'dom every guest had to fit the bed right so you know what they did yeah if you were too long they cut your feet they cut your head but everybody had to fit we explained that it's really symbolic of certain societies everybody has to fit the same bed and if not we'll cut off half of your personality we'll destroy you you should just fit in but the main thing is everybody fits nobody sticks out the worst is if somebody sticks out I have to cut off your two feet I'll cut off your feet your hands your heart your chest your head the main thing is to fit in you have societies that are built that way you can't allow a person to be fully to be fully present so that's what we do midas dine that's what we do. We may not physically, but psychologically we often do it. You You castrate personalities. Forgive me, but that's what you do. You castrate and you celebrate it. You celebrate it. You want to know how you do it? Oh, how does one get back? You come to this year. You come to this year. Rabbi Angle says you come for 40 days. You get it back. Who don't come? Who don't come? No, I'm I'm just I'm just using I don't know who's from where. I'm I'm I'm just using different Isis metaphors, symbolisms to be able to understand the beauty of Tohu. Usually Usually there's there's a very deep energy there. Now, sometimes the tragedy is that the energy falls. In other words, it doesn't have a healthy productive outlet. That's what anefilah means. Nefilah means it's the same energy, but it's dislocated from its original space and therefore it may express itself in a way that is contrary to what it really is. This is what we learned in the past in Torah told us Vayishlach the difference of Yaakov and Esau. Esau was a neshama of Tohu. Yaakov was a neshama of Tikkun. The shoresh of Esau according to the Baal Tanya is deeper than Yaakov. The spiritual source of Esau's soul is deeper than Yaakov. That's why Yitzchak is so enamored by Esau. It's not because he makes a good rib steak. It's because Esau's soul has a very profound depth to it, but Esau is misunderstood. And Yitzchak desperately wants to bless him. Vavarechecha lifnei Hashem. You remember lifnei Hashem. Beyond Yud Ke Vav Ke. You have to get into very, very deep sources to to to to elevate the the the the the toyo. So, toyo went through a tremendous nefila. The sparks of toyo got when the kaylim smashed. What does it mean smashed? They're not recognizable anymore. They're not cohesive anymore. You have godliness everywhere. But the godliness doesn't recognize itself as godliness. And therefore it comes up with alternatives. What are their alternatives? Paraoh's alternative was the river is mine. And I made myself. That ability, that pride is being fueled by a nitzuts of ain soph. Because everything is ain soph. Even atheism, Reb Nachman says in Likutei Moharan that uh in his style Reb Nachman of Breslov says famous shtickel there. Everything in the world has a niggun. Everything in the world has a niggun. Everything has a melody. And he says even kfira even heresy, even atheism has a niggun. He says you're just singing the wrong niggun. It has a niggun. It has a melody because it's it's it's ultimately its stuff is ain soph. But its outlet may be completely counter to what it really is. That's what nefila means. You fall. That's what a klipa means. You are blocked by yourself. Yourself is a blocked version of yourself. Now, understand what that means. Yourself is not yourself. Yourself is a second self. What do these people have doubles? What did Saddam Hussein have a Multiple personalities. A double, right? So, if that one gets assassinated, he's still alive, right? So, we all have that in one way or another, right? You have doubles. And sometimes we mistake our our doubles as ourselves. Cuz it looks very similar. So that becomes you. That becomes you. That's what a clipper means. That's what a shell is. They say there was a youth from Chelem who was um traveling home. So he went onto the train and the stop was 4:00 in the morning. So he asked the conductor, he said he wants to go to sleep if he could wake him up 15 minutes before so he could get ready to get off. He says, "Sure." So he goes to sleep and it's pitch dark in the same cabin there was a Russian general. When the Jew of Chelem woke up, the conductor woke him up and said it's the next stop. So it was dark. So he didn't see clothes. So instead of putting on his own clothes, he put on the clothes of the Russian general. He comes home to Chelem. His wife sees him and says, "Yankel, you shouldn't have worn it. You're crazy." He says, "What?" She says, "Look at you." So he looks in the mirror and he sees I can't say it say it. He sees a sharmant. So he tells He tells his wife, he says, "I always knew that Russian conductors were idiots." She says, "Why?" Says, "He woke up the Russian general instead of me." So it's a Chelem amisa, but it's not such a Chelem amisa. Sometimes it's also a monsey amisa, I hate to say, right? You look at the clothes, yeah? And that's who you are. There's no other self. The clothes define you. Some people they invest so much in their clothes, or I don't only mean clothes, clothes too. Their outer appearance cuz that's where I am, that's me. There's nothing else left. That's going to be me. So you invest in your shell rather than in you. So you create like a double. So what happens here is these nitzutzos of tohu are very, very deep nitzutzos. Tremendously deep, even deeper than tikkun. But they had a shvira. And that's what shvira means. Shvira means literally a breakdown. The first breakdown in history. The source of all breakdowns is the breakdown of olam hatohu. In fact, I would say every breakdown that we know about could be traced back to that breakdown. It can be traced back to that shviras hakelim. What is a breakdown? A breakdown is energy misplaced. And that's why the healing is not just uh dismissing it, telling the person not to be what they are. Healing comes from liberating the spark, elevating it, tracing it back to what it really is. Being it my little its mocker. Elevating it, not just dismissing it, destroying it, obliterating it. It's easy to say, "He's a meshuggener kid." Didn't say, "She's a crazy teenager." Don't be crazy. You're not talking to me. Talk to me. Talk to my sparks. Talk to my sparks. To talk to my sparks, you have to tune in to the energy. You can't just mock the energy. So, let's see another few lines in science. He says, "Parry says, I made the river. I made myself." The Gamorah says at the end of Menochos, sometimes you believe in God. You call him the God of gods, but I'm also a god. Even though before the shvirah, the sparks were completely unified with the infinite one. Because then the presence of the infinite one was revealed in them in complete unity. I will actually after the breaking all the sparks descended and they're enclosed within shells. Shame al bishim they enclose them, they cover them. They block the godliness that is in them. Commercial shamash That's the martial of the body that blocks the vision of the soul. So, therefore all these sparks can't be in their natural state, which was a state of bitly. We're just expressions of ain soif. It's a very valuable line cuz the term clip us is filled fills the literature of Kabbalah fills literature of people just say it all day clip us clip us clip us clip us. What does it mean? It's such a word that's used and especially in circles that they use these words a lot and it loses all of its meaning it's become such a meaningless term and it really it's a very sophisticated term. What is a clip a clip is like an orange peel a banana peel? You know what that means yeah? It covers it protects it surrounds the fruit that's in it or my stairs also but also blocks it commercial clip us a egg is like a walnut. Because you have also a grape also has a shell when you look at the shell of a grape you can see exactly what the grape looks like. An orange also has a shell okay it's a thicker shell but you see exactly what the orange looks like. The reason he says an egg is is cuz sometimes you have a clip but you don't even see the fruit is not even connected to the clip but you open the clip and then you have to take out the fruit so you can the clip is some of the clip is translucent. Sometimes a clip is transparent. Sometimes a clip is opaque very good and sometimes it's so opaque that you can't even recognize the nature of that which is inside of it. It's completely it's completely darkened and eclipsed. The ain't true polite to a pre-game at this verse a clip. There's no remedy to extract the fruit like in a walnut you have to crack the nut you have to crack the shell. That's the only way you can extract it. So the word clip of then then means something very very meaningful. It's really a a a definition of reality. What is the definition of reality of clip it means any reality that employs cover-ups in order to exist, it's called clippa. Any reality that needs to cover up that which is inside reality in order to be, that is the definition of clippa. Now, if you think about this, it says a lot. This has a lot inside of it, what he's saying here. Because how many realities are there like that? Any reality, any thought, any word, any deed, any emotion, any experience that for it to be considered valid, it has to cover up something, that's called clippa. In other words, any thought, word, or deed, or emotion, or anything that if everything was exposed, it would fall apart. It would melt away. It would fade into oblivion. That's not called clippa. I mean, it is called clippa before it fades into oblivion. Why? Because the power of its existence is that there is a cover-up. There's a distortion. But understand the other way. Any reality that even IF YOU OPEN EVERYTHING UP, IT WILL REMAIN INTACT, that's called kedusha. That's called kedusha. That's the definition. So, we have here an extremely, I would say, impressive, sophisticated definition of kedusha versus clippa contrary to what many of us intuitively feel. Kedusha is what you've been told your whole life, and clippa is what you want. Right? For many people, clippa is what you want. Clippa, clippa, clippa, clippa. And kedusha is what you hate. What your father wants, right? But really, it's a it's much, much deeper than that. Not true? Really, sometimes it's exactly the opposite. Okay, good. Good. In other words, clippa means any reality that needs a shell in order to be. There has to be some shell. HOW DENSE THE SHELL IS, that depends on the nature of the clippa, but it always needs a cover-up. So, now think to yourself throughout the day how many thoughts, words, and actions, emotions have validity in your life because they employ a cover-up. And if all coverers were removed, they would become nothing. That's how you should judge the validity of the thought or the word or the emotion or the act. That's how you should judge it. That's how much seriousness you should attribute to it. You have to tell yourself, if all doors of perception were cleansed and there was but no distortion whatsoever, how strong would this thought be? How powerful would this emotion be? How legitimate would this craving be? How legitimate? We went a few days ago to Zhitomir in Ukraine. So, in Zhitomir you had a year of Wolf of Zhitomir. It was a year of Wolf of Zhitomir. He was a student of the Maggid of Mezritch. He has a sefer called Ayin HaMayan. On Purim, Ayin HaMayan is on the Chumash and on on Yom Tov. On Purim he has a shtickel. Uh he has a shtickel. He says something uh quite heavy. He says, why is it that Purim the Megillah includes chapter 1, which doesn't seem like a relevant story? There was a party. Ahashverosh summoned Vashti to come. She didn't want to come. So, he had her executed. So, he needed a new queen. So, Esther was appointed. Really, the story of Purim what we need to know is that Vashti was gone and Ahashverosh needed a new queen. Exactly how she was killed, somebody poisoned her, her husband got into a fight, yeah, she overdosed. It's not so relevant to the story. I mean, you can also discuss how she was born. I mean, you could go back and back and back. The story of Purim begins from the fact that Esther was appointed. So, the Ar El Mayor says that the truth is that that's really the whole story of Purim. Cuz the Gemara says, why didn't one of Why didn't Vashti want to come? Ahasuerus wanted to show her for beauty. La'haros yofya. So, therefore, as Chazal say in Maseches Megillah, he wanted her to come without clothes. But tomorrow in Vashti, she refused. Why? So, the Chazal say He wasn't a real king. Because uh because she was embarrassed. Whatever happened to her body, she was embarrassed to show her body. The Mayor says, there's a deeper interpretation. It's not It's the same interpretation of Pnei Menachem. He says as follows. Ahasuerus The Ramah brings from Medrash, Ahasuerus is achris v'reishis shelo. The beginning and the end belongs to him. It's a metaphor for Hashem. The Gemara says, when it says melech in Megillah, it's a metaphor for Hashem. Vashti represents klipah. It also has to do with the Baal HaTanya says Vashti comes from the word sh'tei, duality. There's duality, fragmentation. The Alter Rebbe writes somewhere else in a Purim eye. There comes a point in life where the King of Kings summons Vashti to come. I want to see you. So, Vashti says, no problem, but I have to get dressed. I have to get dressed. And when I get dressed, I'll blow everybody's mind. Psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, physically, socially. So, God says, no, no, no, no, no. This time I need you to come without any garments. So, the Baal Shem Tov says, the Ar El Mayor says from the Baal Shem Tov, it's not that Vashti is killed. In the spiritual story, Vashti is not killed. Vashti disintegrates. Because the definition of klipah is you can only come dressed up. The moment I ask you to take off everything, what happens? You don't exist. I don't kill you. I show that you never existed. You never existed. The cover-up made everybody, including yourself, feel that you exist. The moment you remove the cover-ups, what's left? TRUTH. IF TRUTH IS HERE, you have no existence. Because the whole power and legitimacy of your existence was that there was a cover-up. So, WHEN VASHTI IS UNCOVERED, there she goes. She's gone. So, the definition of klippa is that I have to block. I have to cover. BECAUSE IF NOT, SOMETHING I HAVE TO COVER. TRUTH has to be covered. If not, I cease. SO, NOW ASK YOURSELF, when you have an emotion, you have a thought, you have a craving, right? It's very very powerful. You'll see, whenever you have an addiction or very strong craving, tell the craving, "I'm going to do you, but give me 3 days." Give me 3 days. Let me Google. Let me hit the track in the morning, right? What will every emotion TELL YOU? NOW! NOW! NOW! LIKE CON ARTISTS. The investment has to happen now. Remember somebody called me and said, "I have a great house for you, but you have to close by 6:00 p.m. today." Con artists always need things now. You know why? Because if I put them under the light, there's nothing left. So, if I tell the craving, "No problem, I'm coming back. Give me 3 hours. GIVE ME 3 NO! NOW! IF YOU DO IT NOW, YOU'LL have your euphoric Messiah. You delay me, you're done. Why? Because it knows that the it gets scrutinized. In other words, the moment you start challenging the cover-ups, there's no appeal anymore. The whole appeal was based on a distortion of truth. What about Kedusha? Kedusha, of course, Jesus is a good thing, but for a different reason. Kedusha you could say, "You know what? You could come back in 3 years. I'll still be here." I'll still be here. My appeal is not based on cover-ups. So, you can scrutinize. You could strip me bare, as they say. To the skeleton. I'll still be here in the exactly the same way. It's not based on any shows. Not based on any house. That's why they used to say by Hasidim that the difference between a mitzvah and an aveira is never the song. It's only the order. Both have the moment of ah and both have the moment of oy. The question is only when. By a sin the oy follows the ah. And by a mitzvah yeah, the oy precedes the ah. By an aveira, it's always ah, this is going to be awesome. Going to be gevaldig. And then you do it, and an hour later you feel like uh what's the word? Oy. You feel like what do you know what you feel like, right? That's what you feel like. An hour later 10 minutes later, a day later. It's like when you eat what you're not supposed to eat. We all KNOW THE FEELING. BEFORE, AH, THIS IS GOING TO EAT MY MAMISH. AND then you realize this is a kind of kof down in olam haba. Somebody once said about somebody who was eating too much on Shabbos. He said to my olam haba, he said, "Yeah, but it's a stink dortn." And olam haba stinkt es. Your olam haba is just very smelly. Some black on white in the mama. The ah precedes the oi. By a mitzvah it's the other way around. Should I do it? Ah, I'm not in the mood. The willingness that Once you do it, ah. Why? Poshets. Because cover-ups by definition are not eternal. How long can you cover something up? How long can Bernie Madoff do his Ponzi scheme? For how long? How long can you live off credit cards? How long? How many years did communism last? So, communism was all based on a lie. It was based on a lie and it lasted for 70 years. This doesn't mean it has no power. Communism destroyed 50 million lives and that's those who died. We're not going to talk about the psychological casualties of communism, etc. But essentially, its existence is destined to dissipate because its power comes from distortion of truth. And anything that exists only because of distortion of truth, by definition, is a balloon waiting to be popped. Why? Because the moment the sun shines, you're done. The moment truth emerges, and truth will emerge, because that's its nature. Reality is real. If reality is real, it will emerge. When it emerges, it's all over. So, when Vashti is asked to show up, to show up without clothes, without garments, there's nothing left. This class is brought to you by the Yeshiva.net. Please help us continue the classes. Make even a small contribution at www.theyeshiva.net/donate.