Basics of Emunah #34: When Fear of G-d Is Bad for You

the yeshiva dotnet good morning everybody and welcome today's class is dedicated in the loving memory of rebar 'him Ben Ribbit's hooks a kernel of ratha for the yard sign on you Tess Shabbat - Hamish Moses Laura bit saroja hiam so that great moment really the greatest moment of history occurs in passion sees ray when hashem reveals himself at mount sinai and communicates to the Jewish people ah no Thea Shama Lacock I am your God who is taking you out of Egypt and all of the saris are Deborah's the Ten Commandments and when the terror finish is describing that moment there is a unique scene that unfold it says the entire nation saw the sounds and the lightning and the voice the sound of the chauffeur and the smoking Mountain the nation saw this via knew who they they trembled they were shaken and they stood from far they speak to mush and they say you speak to us and we'll listen we don't want God to speak directly with us because we may die Moshe responds and I'm going to quote this is schmuck off your Zion Exodus chapter 20 verse 17 towards the end of year I buy you a murmur shall Haram al tiro kill evolve or NASA is s kamboja Elohim evolve or tae rasa alpinism Laville t zakat aho and marcia tells the nation don't be afraid don't be scared it's in order to elevate you Nasus comes from the word NACE RM nisi which means to elevate like an elevated banner is called NACE RM me see it's in order to elevate you now say that God appeared that God came and in order that his yireh his fear or his or should be on your face on your presence so that you do not sin that's Moishe's response so right after Matt and Tyra this is the first message my tells the Jewish people they are overwhelmed from the experience their standing from the distance Moisture says don't be afraid El tiro Hashem has appeared here and came to elevate you in order that his fear should be on you that you don't sin and the commentators asked two fascinating questions two very intriguing questions first of all really will you have one verse and one sentence that appears at least to be a blatant contradiction listen to his words Moisture says don't be scared I'll tear oh I don't want you to have here I don't want you to be scared I don't want you to have fear God came here to elevate you so that his fear should be on you so you just said I'll tear oh I don't want you to have here I want you to know that God appeared in order that you should have Europe in order that you should have fear on your face that you don't sit it's not like two verses or two chapters or two pirates the same plastic in the same sentence I don't want you to have here I just want you to know that God came here so that you should have zero that's question number one question number two is on the very words even without the contradiction el tiro don't have here like I don't want you I don't want you to fear and the question here is there is actually a mitzvah so say there is a positive commandment it's one of the 613 mitzvot of the Torah as Hashem la caja tira you should have yireh the same words tear you should have here a fear or or from Hashem truth the mitzvahs recorded much later in parshas vez kana which is going to take place forty years from now but it's one of the 613 mitzvot that were given to moistur a banal on Mount Sinai right after Matt and Tara the next forty days called the mitzvah of year accession as hashem elokenu tira how does my shrub a know here to quote one of the commentators eighth dhaka i samosa all of our solomon mitzvahs essay how does moisture push them away and try to distance them and have them reject what would become one of the mitzvahs one of the commandments is a sham allocation theory when he says alt ero don't have here especially when they were experiencing that year it seems like a wonderful thing right in the beginning of math interior it says when they heard the sounds and they saw the lightning and they saw the cloud on the mountain and the voice sound of the shape of a Yeller out call mohammed abu muhammad the entire nation in the camp experience this tremendous sense of of harada a fear of war trembling that's what they experienced in other words they were experiencing yireh they fulfill the mitzvot of Accession la caja tara and here moisture says El tiro I don't want you'd have here I want to share with you today two interpretations the interpretations are on two different levels as always they're connected but there are two different layers the first one comes from this fossum s and the second comes from the bowel her Tania thus far samus is a commentary on Hamish it's also a commentary on Gomorrah but we'll study the commentary on Hamish that was written by the second Reber of guerre the second Gary burr who's no one has this farce Emma says they must review rabbi yehuda re a lame alter his grandfather bicha Mayer was the fiduciary Marie became a router the first guy who was a student of the COTS crab and when the kotzwara have passed away in the late 50s the fiduciary Marissa Mayer became a very well known teacher and Hasidic master in Gor which is not far from Warsaw in Poland and he's known as the fiduciary remiss Rebbe Itzhak Mayer a bicha mayor that was his name which a mayor out they called him rabbit remarried a Buick mayor he lost all over he had many children and he had 13 children and I think besides one daughter all passed away during his lifetime including his son who would have succeeded him so he raised his boy his grandson whose name was you heard the lady hood Aria late and when the fiduciary in passed away in the 1860s 1866 so his grandson took over and he lived till 1905 his yard said is actually in schwate rot and he's known as this famous he passed away 1905 he has a commentary on himesh from the terror that he would say on Shabbos his words are very very brief and very cryptic extremely cryptic and concise but he asks this question the contradiction in this passage Mercia says don't fear because God came so that you should fear it's what's called what's called gracious Australis a for the beginning of the verse and the end of the verse contradict each other so the first interpretation comes from him I'm going to read you his words inside you'll see how brief they are and then I'm going to try to explain it the way I understood it but erm and I'm also we're also gonna post it on the source sheets to shear them have source sheets on the Sheba net if you go to the shear you have the source sheet so you could see it also inside later if you want to review it this is fast Ms Parris yes Roy tough race Memphis meaning it was said and written in the 8th afresh Memphis which would be 1888 I'm gonna quote it's literally two lines acha onion the explanation is shahe year it's our earthly eyes kadesha laughter commotion of a year he leads our hear me mitzvah slice aza lira or fear there has to be the person should not transgress because year ax is the source it's the origin for a person to be careful from the negative mitzvos from things that one should not engage him Avila is erratic I lead a highear may have a disability is Baraka commercia cassava Yara Onvia knew of I am do my rock like I'll say oh my omona be no Oliver Shalom al tiro but here must never produce the result that one should become distant from serving Hashem which is what happened as the verse says that the nation saw they trembled and they went far away so Marcia says no no this is not a good year I'll tear oh that's the end end of the quote of this for Samus what he's really describing here is I believe a fundamental approach and understanding what the words URIs Hashem mean usually translated as fear of God and in the same plastic moistures literally contradicting himself he says don't fear I'll tear I don't want you to have fear and then in the same sentence he says but God came here so you should have fear talk about a confusing message I don't want anybody to have fear get rid of all your fear but you should have fear and this verse Emma says that moisture is actually talking to the Jewish people about two types of fear one is productive constructive meaningful inspiring helpful it promotes growth balance awareness connection responsibility and therefore happiness there's another type of year accession another type of fear of God that can be destructive alienating damaging causing a certain sense of misery sadness melancholy dejection and perhaps the spear and depression the antithesis of happiness they both will use the word year fear but it depends on the context and that's why Marsha contradicts himself don't fear don't have here yes have here pens what year is because this plastic before this VASIMR says says by Yara um by a new vayam doom a rock like the nation was shaken by your knew they were shaking they were trembling but young them as they stood from far when moisture saw that he says and they said we don't want God communicating with us this is a death sentence spend almost moshus is al tiro no no not this is not a good here I don't want you to have this year but then a moment later I want you to have here what's the difference there is a type of year especially the type of fear of God that causes people to become the most distant from God and we can understand why who wants to have a relationship with somebody you're terrified of you'll forgive me for this illustration but I think it will be helpful to understand the message some of you some people have grown up in homes where they were terrified terrified from a father terrified for my mother terrified from both sometimes you were terrified in school sometimes you were terrified by other people some people sitting in this room or listening or watching know that today 20 30 40 50 years later you still carry that fear in you and the common denominator and all the people that are experienced it is how distant they feel from the people they would have hoped they could love and be close with and be connected with it's just the name of that person they don't even need to name the image of that person it shredders such a sense of distance and alienation and such a sense of trauma and really dread and agony it's the reason that so many people I know young and old who have shared this with me in person and even more via email from so many different types of communities when they hear the word the Year SR sham fear of God it's triggers within them horrible feelings about themselves about Hashem about Judaism and about everything that comes in and anything that's connected to it and the reason is obvious their understanding of fear and therefore their understanding of fear of God is immediately associated with the other fears in their life and usually to put it bluntly if I were to ask you as a mature adult what were these people like that they had to strike such fear into your heart and you will say they were all traumatized incompetent orphan insecure did not know how to deal with their own pain did not know where to put themselves often people's pleasers just trying to live for other people living in a place of agony and suffering in confinement and in trauma in their own traps and in their own prisons they knew they knew no they did not know how to communicate they did not know how to express love they were afraid of their own emotions they were afraid of bonding with P people including their loved ones very hard for them to trust and therefore to be trusted and sometimes it was their only language of communication the language of communication was I will strike fear into your heart which by definition meant I have nothing meaningful to say all I can do is scare the living daylights out of you in fact for some people it becomes a model of Education not even knowing it consciously but it becomes their model of Education our education is I'm stronger I'm more powerful I have the authority at this point you need me you're vulnerable you're dependent on me I can scare you whether it scare you through physical aggression or through emotional aggression it's a form of adult bullying I simply have the power I simply have the authority your emotions your nature your equilibrium your identity becomes irrelevant I don't even know about it that's the model the model is I scare you and you obey we all know the challenge with that the challenge is it's very short-lived for two reasons first of all the damage that that often creates is very profound people who grow up and inside they are so emaciated emotionally they are deprived they're looking for oxygen it's so hard for them to connect with themselves and other people equally important often that's where the relationship ends as long as you can terrify me I will follow you orders the moment I'm stronger the moment I'm older the moment I become independent I may go exactly to the opposite extreme and to the furthest lengths of the earth not to associate with anybody or anything that even reminds me remotely of what you made me feel as an expression in Gemara called the Alamo Guevara called Alan guar means whoever is stronger wins whoever is more alum alum is like whoever is a bully whoever is a greater bully wins there's no compromises no negotiation there's no justice it's like fight it out whoever is alum Kivar if my model of parenting or education in a classroom or at home or anywhere in my business is basically I'm bigger and I'm stronger and if we have to listen to me and that's essentially my method one day your kid is gonna become bigger and stronger one day he's gonna be a pretty big kid what happens then called the alum guar it's over if the definition of the relationship was my power and authority wins okay how long is that going to last the moment my authority ceases as a result of people growing up there goes the influence and sometimes it's exactly the other way around the person wants nothing of it in that sense some people and it's it's not comfortable to share but I think it's important to share because I think it's important for us to understand have shared with me that fear of gods for them is the most toxic thing in the world and whenever they hear the word year is Hashem its rigors such negative emotions that they literally shut down they cannot hear anymore what are they hearing they're hearing of a God who is kalila like a dictator a tyrant who simply wants to strike fear into the hearts of his subjects there was in Roman Emperor who once said I'd rather that they fear me then they love me and there is a mitzvah you have to fear and you know why you have to fear because I'm the boss and in this case there's no getting away you can go to the gym for 6 hours a day you could become a heavy weight lifter you can become a powerful fighter but God will always remain stronger than you he managed to defeat parry and he will defeat you may take 10 plagues may take 20 play because may take 60 plagues if you're really like an obstinate donkey the plagues will continue but don't start up because the King of Kings will ultimately destroy you into ashes and dust and you will learn your lesson and therefore surrender now this is the emotional response that many many people have some of them have shared it explicitly some of them are so terrified that they can't even share it because in order to share it you have to have a certain element of confidence that you could share it but some of them are so terrified they're even afraid to share it but now I ask a question what type of relationship can you have with such a God what type of relationship can you have with such a mother what type of relationship can you have with such a father or grandfather or grandmother at best at best out of respect you nod your head yes Tati yes Tati I will I will you go into the other room you go to your therapist and you say he is the most dysfunctional sick tyrant I have ever encountered in my life he is a control freak the man is emotionally toxic when I am around him I cannot breathe I cannot live I do not want to speak to him ever again in my life the therapist may guide you to call Friday for 60 seconds and say good shabbos and have bow injuries and come to the Faneca party for 11 minutes and going to the sheva brothers for 13 minutes and go into the fasten and make a dance and then build a wall and it's so sad it's so pathetic at best you have such a difficult relationship and that is what Judaism looks for many people that type of thing the only thing is that in Judaism it could become even more dysfunctional because with your parents or with others you can actually create balance trees you can go back home you could move to another country you could not pick up the phone that's why there's messages that's why they created voice notes so we could speak to each other and actually never speak to each other you leave a message and I leave a message then you leave a master then I leave a message we have conversations for 20 years but we never once spoke to each other I'm hyah what a wonderful modern invention for relationships it sometimes comfortable I know I also use it you skip all the formalities and all the social etiquette and how are you and have you been and are you feeling are you done with the flu yet how is the winter treating you what are you doing for Pesach well you know family couldn't give a pitch all oh come on us did you have fruits for to be schrott etcetera you get to the point with the reboiler so when the master those were taught there's no boundaries annoyed Movado likes emirates of law you're not creating any boundaries he is right here 24 hours a day seven days a week via a sham needs of a lover Malloy colored squirt I don't think you're getting away you're not getting away there's no rules there's no bow injuries only in your delusion and if not in this world he's also in the next world my friends you're laughing some of you are laughing some are crying inside but for some people this is their mo this is their entire experience of Judaism and to all these individuals moisha speaks and says two words El tiro Marcia says you've got this whole thing wrong God really does not want you to be afraid of him I'll tear oh don't be scared don't be terrified you have nothing to be terrified from if this fear is causing distance rehook why am doom a rock like I don't want to be close to you you make me too uncomfortable you all know there are people in whose presence the best of you is brought out you have such people no nobody and you have people in whose presence the worst of you is brought out now everybody is nodding you have such people you have both okay good which one more so you're hanging around the right people okay you have people or you should have people or I pray that you have people in whose presence you shine they somehow help you see your own light they bring out the best in you they help you see your own radiance your own brightness but there are people who consciously unconsciously perhaps inadvertently and due to their own heaviness in their presence suddenly the worst of you is brought out what's actualized all you demons and skeletons and ghosts it's fascinating if God is doing this to you and if we say I don't want to get close by Yama Marivic I don't want to go here you know sometimes you're invited to a certain situation a certain event and you know when you go there you're going to have to detox for two weeks salt baths Pilates stretches therapy hiking spitting it out talking to like 10 people to get it out of the system each according to your own methods of dealing with detox with toxic toxic stuff it's like you almost know it and you get pulled in now true when you grow and you work on yourself and you know who you really are then you also know how to handle these situations you define your environment you don't allow your environment to define you but that's not void it takes self work and a lot of self-awareness and a lot of understanding of your true power and your true inner spiritual light but very often I just don't want to go this just to it's just it's too complicated it's just complicated just stay home vayam número hey I want to stay far away this is not a place I want to there's a depression in you there's my lateness toward still expression Igesund two-cup and I crank a bet why should I take a healthy head remember your grandmother would say it Malik nursed I did i nag isn't a cup and a crank a bet yeah which literally means you don't go to a place where there are germs and you can come home with the flu and the virus you just don't do that keep your hands clean or even if they're not clean make sure you don't take your hands don't touch your nose or your mouth or your ears until you wash your hands on an emotional level that means to stay away keep your distance by I'm do my rock like moisture says Oh yo yo yo yo if this is your experience of a sham if this is your experience of the divine of this is your experience of Matt and Tyra of arsenite I ask you one favor Altieri oh you have to get rid of this type of year you need to extricate yourself from this type of fear from this type of dread why because it's undermining the very relationship the moment I cannot see God and Hashem as the one who loves me more as the baal shem tov said that hashem loves every jew more than parents love an only child who was born during the time when everybody gave up hope as he put it a been yaja chennai little hamlet Isaac Newsome an only child who was born when they were already coming in years and didn't think they're going to have children and then they're blessed with one child one can only imagine the tremendous affection that they have to this child of course all love of parents to children of their healthy and functional is infinite and extremely powerful beyond words but even within such an infinite love there is that unique love that they have to this only child who they never expected says the Baal Shem Tov even that love doesn't come close to the love that our Shem has to every Jew the Zohar says rib Shimon cetera Buda says that if a person would know and feel the love that a Shem has to this person him or her he would chase Hashem faster than a lioness chases her prey I don't know if you ever in the Kruegers Park Inn in South Africa or other jungles or you have seen documentaries but you don't want to get in between you know that ferociousness that look that determination and desire says you think that lioness is facing or pray that's called attraction you would chase Hashem you would run after the divine much faster with much more ferocious if you only knew if one only appreciated the depth the intensity of the love Alvis aloma half tono are similar keno or alvarado after noir similar Kano the Sahaj Kona's owner satisfied and the love is unconditional in other words the love is indestructible and the love is non circumstantial not like some days there's love and other days you know I wake up on my left side God says today I'm not really interested at you the love is eternal Alvis Alam is eternal forever unconditional and indestructible bank Hasselbaink akhaten korean bonham as the Gomorrah says and as a result of that the moment fear means I dread you because you're not I can't really trust you at the core of fear is I can't trust you you don't have my back and if I'm going to be too vulnerable I'm going to get hurt which is really at the core of fear what's the fear the fear is that if I'm open if I'm vulnerable if I'm honest you will use it against me what's one of the gross challenging things in a relationship say in a marriage or other relationships when couples fear each other what does it mean I fear you fear doesn't necessarily mean as I described earlier you have a bully who's going to hurt you fear could sometimes be more subtle and but equally poisonous fear is the fear of disapproval the fear that if I share with you who I really am you'll use it against me we know situations in a marriage or husband may share with his wife some deep vulnerable fears or experiences or the other way and then of course the next day they get into an argument and he or she uses yesterday's our munition boom backstab and sometimes in addition to the stab just twirling the knife - in other words I exposed myself I shared my vulnerabilities but ultimately I know I can't trust you you know what happens to such people they closed up and this time it may be for good because if I was backstabbed as a child I was open with somebody I trusted and then they used it against me and now you get married and you try it again and it happens again what do you do now boom your heart closes and sometimes it's forever you never trust anybody again in other words I'm living in a modality of lack of trust and this is a very serious issue when a child gets betrayed even if it's not intentional but when we betray the trust of a child it's not just okay you betrayed their trust you're still doing a lot of other things sometimes it creates a very deep wound a scar a trauma that's very very hard to recover from you may not see it but 20 years later in their relationship they can trust they really can't trust they're almost expecting the other person to attack them do you know what I'm talking about and this could be unconscious I may not know that I'm dealing with it but because I have this from childhood in my relationships today I may not be able to really trust you and it takes so much inner to be able to reconfigure the neural pathways in your brain to be able to cultivate the muscle of trust through neuroplasticity and it's not easy because that muscle may have not been used for twenty five thirty five years because the last time I opened it up it came back in vengeance to haunt me so therefore I say it's much easier to live life from a place of distance and some of us operate in that mode but our soul is cries because we can't connect we live with people but never with people we live in our own world that people just happen to be around us and it's almost I have to peek out every time I want a little connection because I can't be completely present in the relationship does anybody know what I'm talking about so I'm not crazy right okay this is a very painful reality I really feel that when I expose myself I'm gonna get hurt and I'm gonna get hurt badly and therefore I choose to remain in isolation it's a much safer place the moment type how was your experience with God when it comes to this deep deep down I want to stay far away because I cannot experience the full trust the full love I don't know that you have my back 24 hours a day what does it mean to trust somebody I'm talking about real trust top level of trust we call it be talkin but talking comes a word betta certainty but to us in Hebrew they call insurance be talk right B to a hello miss I don't know if insurance and be talking is the same thing I'm not sure it's a separate subject but the word betta heathrow Batak bash em the word betta betta for sure that you know they say it they tell an old story that there was an Israeli he made an alien 1972 and he needed a telephone for the house so he calls up the telephone company in Israel and he says can I have a telephone they say you will have to wait 8 months 8 months for telephone yet we have a shortage and generals come first commanders come first people in higher mayor's and people in important positions they need telephones first they come first in eight months we are hoping we are hoping to get some telephones and we're going to try to give you a telephone she says really this this is the minimum he says yes yes yes there's no question before 8 months don't even try calling back it's a waste of time see he says in Hebrew he says bear met Antiqua antique valleca Bell Mogami otehr there's no hope to get a telephone early huh swish along its Elena Lenin romantic la he says we Jews don't say there's no hope we just don't say that he says he says yeah stick man yes tickler so there's hope pieces yesh tikka varville NC Kui which means this hope but no possibility hope you should hope but n psycho and psycho yesh to cry you can hope but it's not likely to ever happen within eight months yeah but betta means certain with a certainty come from full trust how can I really really trust somebody think about a person and I'm gonna raise this question you don't have to all answer at once is there somebody in your life that you really trust on this level I don't mean they're nice they're fine a lot of fine people everyone sitting in this room is what a wonderful person look where you are if you needed proof there's a lot of wonderful and extraordinary people but I'm talking about trust on this level it's very very powerful it's also life transformative but could I even do it even if the person I know is maybe capable of that level of the relationship am i capable of that level of relationship it works both ways remember if I'm living with a trauma from the past it's very very hard for me with other people and then with God my brother once shared with me that he met the professor in Iowa he was travelling in Ohio in Ohio and he was talking to Professor once he met him and this professor said you know I once had a very interesting audience with the Lubavitch Arava years ago was a secular Jew is really what was the nature of it he says it was the early years I wanted to come see him I was curious about different things about him and Jews and I know religious Jews I went into him and I asked him a question and the question I asked him is people call you Arriba Arriba what is the definition of a Reb si says rabbi Schneerson the Lubavitcher never looked at me and he says Arriba is a good friend so he looks like you know okay so the rabbi said you seem disappointed by my answer he says yeah anticlimactic anticlimactic he says why anticlimactic he says have many good friends they're all rappers that's the Rebbe a good friend she said so the Rebbe said professor so-and-so maybe our definitions of good friends are not identical how do you identify how do you identify the definition of what's the definition of a good friend he says we'll have many of them we hang out together which moves we play cards we have a coffee we go play a game of bridge we drink gin we go golfing together we speak politics philosophy or whatever the particular branch of wisdom he was in I have many good friends we invite each other to milestones you know about Mitzvah a wedding birthday party or unique anniversary we go out sometimes friends nobody said those are acquaintances perhaps close acquaintances let me tell you how I would define a real good friend somebody in whose presence you can think out loud somebody to whom you can share everything about your life everything there is not a secret you must withhold for the following reason you know that their relationship to you will not be affected by anything they will discover about you they will still love you and be connected to you in exactly the same way as if you have not shared everything about them everything about yourself and therefore you could be completely beer you can strip yourself from any defenses or cover-ups on any level because you know it will not affect a relationship at all and if it will not reflect the relationship at all it will only make it stronger because it means that you are really open with the purse and the little bow but you never looked at him and he said professor so-and-so how many friends do you have she said zero she said so you see it's not so simple to be a good friend it's not so simple to be a good friend I heard from really Malik Alba you remember lecomba I heard from him the following way Malik Alba as you know when his own way he was an interesting person a lot of different opinions about him which I'm not gonna discuss at the moment but a brilliant composer a brilliant musician a big heart and a spiritual soul and also a flawed human being like will human beings or many human beings I heard from sly Malik Alba a fascinating observation this was shortly after the passing of the llevaba Trevor in 1994 and he said he said you know how long does it take to build a real friendship you know slow-mo couples into love love love love and friend is how does it take to build a real friendship you don't build a friendship in an hour there's people you grew up with your whole life you know your next-door neighbor girls in school and you may you'll always say good shabbos you'll always be friendly you'll always have a smile on your face when you see them but it's not necessarily a friendship where you could be completely open to build a real friendship takes time trust I have to be able to really trust you have to be able to trust me it goes both ways it's not so easy even in a marriage doesn't happen as I the stages stages until there's real trust and you'll see that there are certain things you will not tell people even when they're close to you there's still things you only tell yourself slim Allah said I could tell you from experience over decades that when people walked into the Rebels room they never met him before and in five minutes they shared their most intimate vulnerable secrets that they never maybe even had the courage to share with themselves never mind with other people how did that happen how did that happen so he said find me said I'll tell you because when you came in you felt that he knows it already that's what slowed him Allah sent but I'd add based on the previous story I said that's one type of miracle but there's even a deeper miracle you know there are miracles that are supernatural and there are greater miracles and greater miracles are the miracles of humans a greater miracle than him knowing it already was that nothing you could say would affect the relationship let's face it I'm afraid if I tell you everything yeah what are you gonna think about me even if you were gonna smile but really what are you gonna think about me but what if I really know for sure that the relationship remains as my relationship with myself now sharing it with you becomes the greatest pleasure and privilege in the world because it allows me to connect on that level and if a person can have such a friend that's special for person can have such a marriage such a relationship it's extraordinary says moistur Boehner to the Jewish people that's how I want you to experience God that's how I want you to experience Hashem and even more than a friend and even more than a child because let's face it a child begins in the womb of the mother and even before that a child originates in this seed and in the egg of parents but ultimately a child becomes independence hopefully if mommy lets God doesn't only got your back he is your back you you you you are not normally come from him you're a piece of him you're a fragment of the divine not only does he have your back as two separate beings it's like I like you and even if you're vulnerable to me and you tell me about your skeletons I'm still gonna pick up the phone tonight I'm not gonna say oh she's giving me such headaches that maybe with a close friend here the unity the symbiosis is indescribable I'll tear oh why are you standing in a distance why are you running away from this relationship what is your perception of Hashem that's causing you a desire not to be close what is it what is it that he's doing to me that makes me concern in egde of dread and negativity and I'm gonna ask you to do a little experiment in your own time okay this is the experiment I'm gonna ask you to do when you get home or at any point today or tomorrow or any time you'd like and this is not so easy to do write down on a piece of paper or in your own mind the first instinctive image or word that comes up when you hear the word God Hashem Reba initially Lamba sever a to halakha by Scheffer Hashem is bada thereby rim care you might say nothing I'm not talking about the words and images that come up after contemplation I'm talking about the instinctive momentary image or picture or experience that comes up when you hear that word now I want to tell you something most people are unaware of what it is because we're not so comfortable with it so it's more in the unconscious but if you allow yourself to see it you may discover very powerful truths about yourself and I'll tell you why stavos develop our perceptions of God when we're two years old some of us when were three some of us when we're five because that's when we hear the word now you could be 45 or 65 or 95 or 25 you never changed that definition you know a lot more stuff but that the essential definition is not change it's still coming up and that definition may be a very very positive one maybe a very very negative one anybody wants to share what's your instinctive image that comes up warmth love wow that's the instinctive yeah a father a father looks like a real male huh we can give you anything fear comes up somebody who looks very ancient okay old yeah he's here that's the instinctive image he's here embracing tranquility okay nice it's an English court of law the judges with the wigs on their heads you ever saw you ever saw the paintings huh you ever saw those images especially from the medieval times till today yeah till today and it's the wig ah the judges with the wigs and the hammer just peering at you and you don't even know they have an emotion because judges are not supposed to express emotions right that ultimate authority okay thank you for your honesty you were listening to the class you're cheating aren't you okay nice yeah whatever you say it's fun I just want your honest it's not about judgment here huh yes and think in various times of your life you see him as got severe that yeah your mother your mother when you're 15 what's your mother when you're 15 like you're saying Hashem is always evolving in your mind excellent he's always about what you want to say a beam of light others will say a black cloud somebody told me right piercing eyes like what you said piercing eyes what color eyes blue okay at least it's blue not black okay we like blue eyes anybody else wants to share always watching you Google Google is Russia Tavis God yeah always watching you anybody else and now I'm not talking about an insight I'm talking about an instinctive an instinctive experience that follows the word immediately doesn't even follow it it comes with it so many of you said very beautiful and positive things yeah that's fine unreachable without the ability to connect to something detached what does that something look like like a big cloud a dark cloud grey grey clouds that you can't touch and you can't reach not a person so your momís can't reach it okay thank you yeah Wow okay so your image of God as somebody starts out loving and then when you want to continue he's gone or she's gone they disappear your father left when you were four okay okay you relationship with your father whatever that's like so her father left when she was four so you trusting your father and then one day you come home and your father is gone what often happens is our God becomes a reflection of our people of authority my father my mother my principal my teacher my nanny and if that's the case whatever they are just becomes God but much bigger which means all the flaws of my father God has a million times the amount because God has got he's not just my father he's like my father with everything in the most complete way so if your father is a loving teddy bear right some of your fathers are that way so that's God and if your father is different so that also becomes God that's the purpose of this class she wanted to know if we're stuck or we can evolve Sai said that's the purpose of this class hopefully but you cannot evolve if you don't identify what you have to evolve from right did you understand the brilliant statement I just said okay thank you thank you for the validation that's why identifying it is so critical because I'm not going to evolve if I can't identify that this is what I want to evolve from and then when it comes up I can put it in its place I can quarantine it I can give it its place and not allow it to define my unconscious relationship with God because if I don't identify it it's an unconscious relationship but it's fuels all the other relationships and it could sometimes poison it so moisture Urbino tells the Jewish people the first thing I want you to know is I'll tear oh there's never a reason to be distant the greatest opportunity in life is to have the closest most powerful intimate relationship with Hashem not only he has your back he has your front and your internal everything between the front and the back because it's not even a relationship of two separate entities but I'm a good guy and I'm a good friend and this person is a red band this person has confidence and this person is loving so therefore you can open up to me when you open up to me that me that you that you that you are opening up is essentially coming from Hashem it's part of him and therefore the love is not just unconditional and eternal but the relationship is one that cannot even be described in words its potency its power its might and therefore altero if you find yourself concurring an image of God that's causing distance and toxicity and negativity he wants to punish me he wants to get me somebody wrote me an email somebody came over to me after a class and said I'm miserable I said why and she said because life is going so well so I said why would you be miserable and these are her words I kid you not if life is going so well the question I have nagging at me day and night is what is God planning life was never going so well he obviously has something up his sleeves that he's planning that's fear is that Jewish here is Hashem that's not Jewish here Hashem that's very very horrible get rid of it I said I'll tell you exactly what he's planning imagine you have a child she was she's a mother I said you have a child and your child calls you from school teenager and says mom I'm doing great right doesn't that happen every day kid calls from school I love my teachers that like unbelievable especially my Navi teacher and my history teacher they're like unbelievable we're having a gammer next week and so looking forward to it I'm so upset there's gonna be a pacer vacation soon I wish I could just stay here I love my principle I love my friends there's no pressure there's no cliques we get along so well this is the most beautiful place in the world and I'm so happy mommy do you need anything absolutely not my life is a blessing it's a dream telephone call right and often a dream and imagine a mother and not on what the healthiest mother in the world I'm not a regular mother who has issues and you say to her mmm so now let me figure out how I could make your life miserable this is really not good that you're so happy let me figure out in two or three weeks I will make sure to do something that will really turn your life into chaos what would you call such a mother only dysfunctional I'm Marcia yeah mom Michelle Marsh Oz and yet people have no issue doing this to God every day of their lives and it's almost like Judaism and then I looked at her and I asked her this question she said no I was toward that you're supposed to suffer and that way you get scarring eylem ha ha because you suffer he gets carnal a mob and for everything there's a core that's completely misunderstood and taken out of context so I said okay listen forget about everything just explain to me the logic of this okay God didn't have a world he creates this world why so you should be miserable in this world so he can give you a reward in another world by making you miserable in this world can you worship such a god honestly like you can trust such a God you can deal with this does this resonate on any level she says you don't have to trust you just have to serve I said Wow sounds like a North Korea to me this is what North Korea's there's no relationship to serve and be as miserable as you have to I'm like trust me you have no belief in God you have no relationship god you're not serving God you're serving some pagan dictatorship and tyrant it has nothing to that Shem it has nothing to with Judaism just give God the credit that you give to a normal mother and father not more and not less a normal mother and father who would love their children to thrive and blossom and be happy and suck the marrow out of life and actualize their potential and live a great and blessed life on every level isn't that the wish of every mother and father who is normal or even half normal even if you're not normal but you're half normal everybody's their first brush and not just for my children my children be happy my to be successful my children shall find this that's my trap I'm nice and my child should be healthy my child should find their way just give God that credit that's it's like Parker's Elijah says this for sermons but then moisture adds a second cause what's the second Clause shy year it's our earthly as kadesha yada there's a nun it says it's a shamanic etc you should fear god el tiro that's why it continues by 4 te Rafael Pineda him the Vil tête-à-tête all year means one thing a year that helps a person stay away from something that will disconnect us what is here I am here is ashram means I am listen to this definition I am afraid of ruining such a beautiful and powerful relationship it is too good it is too awesome to disregard to dismiss as inconsequential imagine you have that best friend in the world imagine and there's a conversation of gossip about that person and it's juicy and they want to pull you into the conversation and sometimes there's a temptation we have temptations maybe a very juicy Friday night conversation around the kompot you will not join that conversation you will say sorry I have to go and this is really inappropriate why because your friend is gonna find out and punish you he may never find out or she may never find that even if they will they probably won't punish you in fact that type of friend that the Rebbe described is not punitive may never punish you it's much deeper it's not easy she may never punish we may never punish me I can't I'm too scared I'm afraid to ruin such a powerful relationship it's such an act of betrayal to him to her to me to our friendship to the space we create for each other to how they enriched my life let's take a good marriage again you'll forgive my illustration but I think it's an important illustration especially for a lot of people who listen to this or watch this a person has a great marriage now people have Compassion's it's called the y8 Sahara I once asked a fellow you go on a business trip for three weeks are you ever tempted to do something that's immoral he says there are temptations I said would you he said no I said why because your wife may find out and shall punish you no dinner for three months no laundry for a year so throw you out of the house okay if that's what you need to stop you from sinning say yeah those I know dinner for a year you got to go to the restaurant for a year but that's not a relationship you're afraid you know why you're afraid somebody may never find out it's not about finding out you're afraid to ruin such a priceless gift that you have in your life it's called the relationship we have with each other the honesty we have with each other the trust we have with each other the confidence you have in me and I have in you and in one moment I'm going to destroy it even if nobody finds out but truth knows I know God knows I'll never be the same unless I do true ver and I confront it which I can do but we don't do act of worship I don't sit in order to do truth that's here that's a beautiful year that's not year that's not fear that distances me from you it's the fear of being distant you see the difference there is year that causes distance this fear that causes distance and there is fear from distance it's not fear as a result of distance where distance I'm afraid of you and that even exasperates it intensifies the distance it's fear because we're so close and I am afraid to ruin this this is not something you can easily find for 10 minutes of temptation for a half an hour of temptation even for three days of temptation you're going to ruin what you built a lifetime and what is gonna last a lifetime and is going to be transmitted to generations through epigenetics because just as trauma is inherited love is also inherited and faith is also inherited today we know that sroa is genetic you know that they did from research with Holocaust survivors children and grandchildren and other fields they always thought trauma is not genetic today we know epigenetics is transferred love is also faith is also confidence is also that's why we say my meaning been name our minim how does my Zetas faith help me you grandfather voted Democratic you have to vote Democrat you ever heard that it's the other way around you say they voted this for some of you vote mama SH opposite of what your parents vote it your parents were such loyal Democrats Jews of the 1940s and 1950s the demmick Radek party equalled God today the Democratic Party I'm not going to say what did equals but it's something else it's all about the Benjamins since when do I have to vote what my parents vote for after go into my father's vocation a mom meaning the name my father believed in Christianity somebody's grandfather as a Christian means he's a Christian it may not believe by Jews doesn't work that way mom made me believe how because there's a spiritual genetic mutation maybe even a physical genetic mutation as a result of that I'm afraid to ruin such a powerful relationship it's too good too good to be true yes I am afraid I am afraid of betraying this level of connection that we have this is a year that comes from love it's a year that can only come when there is love this is a fear that can only come when there's love trust camaraderie lability Takuto here yira is productive constructive it brings to joy I am afraid and this type of fear allows me to live a life in which I abstain from all actions words thoughts conscious activities that will compromise and betray and even they loot the powerful relationship and let's remember the deeper the relationship the more subtle the betrayal can be and therefore one has to be more careful meaning if our relation you know in Davin II we have a situation where there's different parts of Dominick where you're allowed to make different interruptions but instrument is for there's no interruptions like you in the middle of Korea Sh'ma you could stop for kaduche an other theme another cement acid there's no interruptions why it's a different level of a relationship where even a holy interruption is called an interruption like you'll have marriages they're very very tight and for another couple that wouldn't be called an interruption in the relationship but for this couple it is an interruption you understand what I'm saying based on how deep the connection is is more easier to destroy it because even a subtle thing comes in between it because there's so much trust in other words if we're mamas mamas one then even a subtle a subtle mijita a subtle a subtle act of turning away of drifting away which in another couple wouldn't even be noticed it would be called a good marriage but for this couple that was a betrayal we saying Krishna Veloso suru a feral evolved him the ocarina him a stratum join him I sure AM don't follow your hearts and your eyes which you follow astray the words onnum comes to words ina Isha's sign of a halal in a homage by resume stub our tiny rights in the couturier I think by Louisa that the ultimate definition of a zone and halakhah this nurse is an ASIS ish meaning somebody who's married because it's a very big difference between a relation with somebody who's single somebody who's married somebody who's single they're not married somebody who's married it betrays a relationship and if the marriage is very powerful it's a different level of betrayal says it elisa surah al-araf comebacker a little mr. mazzani maharaja he says there's different levels of people have relationships with God and therefore snows means something else for different Jews as he puts it there and it's a very very subtle idea he says there are Jews that tie this Heather could betray the relationship more than other people much more serious thing Divus had to means a permissible craving but a moment where I have Hester Hadassah Marcia I'm eating my vanilla ice cream well my chocolate mousse or my chocolate milkshake and that moment I had has cicadas from God so take a take a look at him at this marriages that are pretty weak so now you go you're not thinking about a big deal what's the big deal but more or less you're good but when you have a friendship or a relationship that is mama SH the deepest of the deep so even a subtle betrayal could be very very painful she says the tailor is saying you don't understand how close God is to you it's so close that even the most subtle turning away and say God not now not now not now without bringing that into the relationship is already a concept of Lisa su r it's already a betrayal not because of pressure but because of the connection this doesn't mean you have to be with your spouse 24 hours a day now let her go to coffee with a but it means going to coffee with a friend is not a escape of a marriage or of the relationship it's part of it a healthy couple wants each party to to promote its own interests and do and do what it likes to do etc not to be possessive essica das doesn't mean you don't do other things essica das means it's not an escape from the relationship so this is how this mass M s deals with the contradiction there's two types of year these are year emerges as Al tiro if it's keeping you distant from our sham get rid of this fear and this dread you have a wrong perception of what is happening Hashem loves you infinitely intensely unconditionally eternally even on a bad day there's no reason to run from this relationship you could be as vulnerable as you have to show up with everything because there's not going that gonna boost he's not gonna tell you all this I'm not interested you're not my child anymore get out of my house you got the wrong heart for this it worshipping not the Jewish God then my son Oh Boehner says he you know I am telling you not to be scared because God wants to elevate you cuz he wants his year on you that you shouldn't sin is this a schizophrenic message oh the same thing I don't want you to fear him as somebody distant and detached and disconnected I want you to understand why he appeared in order to be the closest ever to you and therefore he wants his year on you to cause lability test at OU not to transgress a relationship not to break a relationship that is just simply too splendid - rich - amazing - beautiful - exquisite to ruin and that's the definition of hate what does hate mean we translate hate as sin it's the proper translator it's not the real translation in Hebrew you know where the word hate comes from it says by show lamella right he would shoot the arrows call al Haas our valet anybody remembers yeste he always hit the target and he never sinned or he never he never missed that means miss but Sheva tells Davi ramela volley C&E Avenue ha to him if our doneö succeeds you on the throne me and will be sinners no no no will be missing will be eliminated because we are the enemy of other neo so what this hate really mean hate means whenever I miss I miss what am I missing what's this concept of hate and that of hate is I'm missing the target what am I missing I'm missing the opportunity to hold on to this connection with infinity to this relationship that is absolutely powerful I want to conclude this is going to be very brief and very concise I'm not going to elaborate and explain it even though it can it it requires and would warrant another few hours but I'm going to share this very briefly and concisely and that is a second interpretation on this contradiction that comes from the ballot Anya in a safe recalled my Mari add more Hazuki NOx Arum the brief discourses of the ballot Anya this is a different layer and I just have to say that this is a a very very profound idea it really needs a lot of initiation and introduction but I just want to share it with you those who have heard classes of mine on the teachings and the works of the ballot Anya will understand this much more but whatever you understand you understand but it's good at least to hear whatever we understand even those of us who do understand don't fully understand trust me I'm going to quote his words and then I'm going to explain it's a longer discourse I'm not gonna court everything just a few lines um nom ha onion remember the two questions we asked on the post avoid the samel off him who be here ever fought the service of the angels is always with yira and pocket or and fear behind um assumption at shoving Bane am Li yesh Shia behavior of afar Cutlass nimisha God oh man since they have a spiritual ego therefore they can be afraid in the presence of somebody who is much grander than them Marsha ain't can you throw a lyubimov shava but the Jewish soul is higher than the angel it ascended in God's thought meaning it's rooted in God's essence Vanessa of lion mama Sh so uh neshama is considered ayan mammoth which means it has no separate spiritual substance like I remember in this year a real soul doesn't have year fear he version is column obtained limba matsyas buried in safe morocco because they are completely absorbed and one with the infinite one the a now Mila who I hear there's nobody here to say that he fears or she fears he mention a shovel IFS because their entire identity is one with the infinite unlikely angels so moisha says El tiro kela before NASA s Martin Tara came to pick you up ain't sorry te retama you don't need fear I there was a concept of fear that's when you're on a lower level the ultimate purpose is Labov or NASA is to be elevated to a space where you're completely nickel or bottled I ain't safe Morocco we completely one with the ain't safe and over there out here oh there's no year in front of somebody who's whose relationship you cherish or somebody who's so great and awe because there's no separateness all about forty year uh say open a them lability tacit oh you know when you need year when you're in a situation that you're capable of sinning Shakira hero between us URIs hate Shobha Malcolm generated Matamata feel of a penis yesh Shum Saira theater Avila occur sure your Villa Madras I am Sean is loba ain't safe Oliver tell women CEA's mama show the Milan apenas Ahmad legacy era what the ballot Tonya is saying is that motion now after Matt and Tyler is revealing to the Jewish people the ultimate essence of Judaism and that is El tiro don't be afraid here is for the Malacca mitts not for you because fear even all is always I am mesmerised I melt away in awe or in fear from something that is so grand something big we're not talking here in a abusive way on the contrary we're talking in a very beautiful way you know sometimes you see a scene and you're just in awe you're like you're awestruck that's not abusive that's that's amazing or the year I spoke about before I'm afraid of ruining such a relationship it's just too good it's too beautiful all this presupposes one condition and that is I am in a relationship with you but he says the essence of a neshama is not yesh the essence of a neshama is iron the essence of a neshama is that it's completely one with the divine itself without any separation whatsoever so that in the real experience of a neshama there's no experience of Europe because the experience of year are the notes that there is some form of separateness news you and there's I and I am overtaken by or I am overtaken by an emotion of fear or any emotion whenever I write to you I love you there's always I I know in Texas we don't do that because we don't follow ground we don't even write you there's no you anymore it's a you but really right any emotion is always preceded by the word I because that's what it is it's my emotion that's why if you don't believe you exist your emotions can't be healthy because if I think that the eye is a schemata so how important can the love of me be so emotions in a good way always defined by an eye but the real essence of a soul is not an experience of or of God but complete oneness with a scythe complete alignment and I just alignment complete oneness with infinity what he calls the color to be subsumed all a bottle to be nullified with a very eye of the soul that a very I of the Jew is one with the eye of a shell so therefore LTO Killa before NASA Seska Martin terrier came to elevate you to a place beyond a spiritual experience to a place of complete oneness with infinity you are the manifestation of the divine in this world so it's not that there's no year because you're distant there's no year because you're beyond an emotional connection emotional connections represent some level of distance and within that distance I'm overcoming it through an emotion and therefore Moshe says but I know you may not always be able to operate on that level of oneness so that's why he says he L wants to elevate you but poverty a yourself in a from the bility circuit or sometimes you may experience yourself as a self here is where yearís Hashem is so powerful and so significant because it gives you the appreciation that this relationship is so special that you don't want to use it you don't want to ruin it it gives you the appreciation that this relationship is so infinite you're in awe of it so when the person goes down to a place he says show your irid Matamata i feel oh the pinnace yesh when a person is in a state of yesh not in the state of iron there there is a failure here there we need them how do i connect to you i connect to you through emotion i connect to you through experience so what we call the deepest form of experience is really the level of amalah it's not the level of a neshama what we call the deepest form of spiritual experiences I'm crazy about you I love you I'm in awe of you that's already a diluted relationship that means there's there's a little separateness so it's good because I sometimes feel separates and this is where love comes in and this is where here comes in and this is what keeps me away from great as we explained before but moisture Boehner says the ultimate this altero you should realize that the relationship is even deeper and experienced it's even deeper than an emotional experience it's a relationship in in complete silence incomplete or there's no two things anymore it's completely akkad completely one and he says that's prasat the gomorrah says that year year the Gemara says i'm asahi's Shabbos that year is tired para LED rasa it's the gate to go into the home so he says the gate brings you in but then there is the home itself the bedroom itself she says love and awe are the gates what are gates the door is not the place of an intimate relationship but without the door you can't get into the home he said love and or are the gates this is how you get into the relationship but the ultimate relationship is the whole a busser effort you become completely one the Gemara says in breakfast well I'll um euthanize Adam Shearer based Sock'em the Africa his power you should always walk in to show and count the sheer the measurement the distance of two doors and then starred Avenue what does this mean so most commentators explained it's a very practical instruction don't walk into shrill and within a split second start Avenue because you have to first gain your composure and settle down so walk and how long does it take to go through one door and then to another do another door it takes a few seconds right you have to go through the foyer the hallway in the second or three seconds five seconds ten seconds go into show sit down relax or stay standing get yourself together and start Avenue you know just walk in are you ready darvany another that's me with you should had asked with qivana with mindfulness with attentiveness with concentration etc that's a literal interpretation of Allah Kanye says well Allah mutinous Adam shear base off him before Davin 'you have to go through two doors one is the door of year and one is the door of alpha one is the door of love and one is the door of war these are the gates the doors that create an opening between us are emotional feelings for each other our experiences there is love and then there is the fear of ruining the love that's the two doors there's the door of love and the door of love brings to a second door the door of fear because if we really love I'm too afraid to ruin this too good to be true too good to be true I'm not gonna ruin this this yet this fear yet the year that we call all or of infinity or of greatness where you like you're mesmerized you melt those are the two doors then he says it's for a caucus follow and then you'll come to feelings is what's filler you're very like hard Leo's bottle connector his bar after you go in the two doors which is here Avenue then you come to our tiro a place that's beyond here completely one where there's no I and him there's no I and thou but you come to the ultimate core of the self that I'm me I'm me in its core is the same letters like ayan Aleph non you it Annie is the word for ego right Annie iiiii really what Sonny if you configure reconfigure a tiny what do you have I'll if you done and I in what's iron iron is nothingness so what is it what is it the whole objective of life is to take the knee and to reveal that that knee is really iron in other words the ultimate I mean the ultimate eye is not separate the ultimate eye is completely Eckerd it's completely one with the one so that even here even the instinct of awe and fear as powerful and as amazing as it is moisture says that's for angels it's for my welcome that's good well I were not successful so I wanted to pick you up you stroll all over my shovel you're not rooted in the yes of existence you're rooted in the IM of existence and your ultimate truth is when your entire sense of self is subsumed in the ultimate self and the two selves become absolutely and eternally one have a wonderful week so every every soul has its lewis and its way it connects with hashem and it fulfills its mission by connecting with hashem in its own unique way the jewish soul is a jewish through the jewish saw the non-jewish soul through the non drew were so unless this conversion and really every creature will be on jews and non-jews every single creature becomes connected to Hashem in its own unique way so it has its mission and its purpose and that's what it needs to fulfill in order to find its connection the angel is supposed to be the angel and the neshamah is supposed to be the neshamah thank you thank you thank this class is brought to you by the achieve Annette please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot they ueshiba net / donate