Rabbi Yossi Jacobson - Four Messages on Child Sexual Abuse

I want to share four brief messages to four different groups of people a message to abusers or potential abusers a message to victims a message to parents Educators and leaders and a message to [Music] activists there was once a rabbi sitting in burning the middle of the night it was 3:00 in the morning the the old STL and the old cities they had chimies that would often come into a study come into a room and every city had a g there was the thief of the city who in order to support his family would break into Jewish homes take what he needed and go feed his children and then the next night he would break into another house one night he had bad masle and he chose the rabbi's house 3:00 in the morning he didn't realize the rabbi sits and learns all night so he slides down through the chimy which was the most popular method of the gav and he lands right in the rabbi study I don't know how many of you have experimented sliding down a chimney but he comes into the rabbi's office beded covered up with white and black and he's standing there and the of sitting over his gamar lifts up his head and says wow ran what brings you into my home at 3:00 in the morning he says Reb I came to ask a question wow must be an urgent Shila 3 in the morning the sh what's the question says reab the question is how does one get out of this situation that's the question thank you thank you that's actually the answer to thank you whenever I stand up at such an event I always ask myself the question V how do we crawl out of this situation like many other colleagues and friends I was extremely uneducated about this topic until as Ellie just mentioned people started to come to visit one person after another person week after week month after month year after year and a picture began to unfold about Spirits shattered shattered and souls wounded and smiles wiped away from innocent faces and tonight I want to share four brief messages to four different groups of people a message to abusers or potential abusers a message to victims a message to parents Educators and leaders and a message to activists the message to abusers or potential abusers a new era has began has [Applause] begun believe it or not this this is not only a new era and a new do for all of the potential victims or past victims in a funny way it is a new dawn and Redemption for you because how does it really feel deep down in your heart to know that through your behaviors you have snuffed out the soul of a child and committed a crime sometimes akin to murder how does it really feel for you to know that in order to satisfy your Cravings or your instincts you're ready to murder such a deep and innocent part of a young boy or a young girl with effects that may endure for years and may transform their life do yourself the biggest favor and reach out for help do not degrade yourself do not transform yourself into a living monster who will haunt the soul and the life of another person no more living in the shadows no more with the deception no more with hunting down children through Sly and clever and sometimes very Sly method those times are over a message to victims it is clear that a new D can be seen on the horizons the community as well as individuals are no more deaf to your cries and to your Silent Cries but what we want you to know is do not deem your life as cursed do not Define yourself as an eternal and essential victim don't see yourself only through the lenses of abuse Judaism at its core was the faith and the tradition that came to the world to teach human beings that not withstanding any circumstances that you have endured throughout your life there is a core quintessential self that remains wholesome and confident powerful and potent sacred and happy Divine and secure and nobody and that is nobody can take that away from you forever we know we understand or we don't how difficult it may be but don't confuse thoughts of Darkness with your essential Beauty we know that those thoughts come back again and again and again to delegitimize yourself to tell you how bad you are how horrible you are how ugly you are how your life is destined to be a life of misery and inner Agony and pain you will never be able to walk around without the toxicity without the misery without the pain but today we want you to know that that too is part of The Voice of abuse and don't allow those voices victory over the part of you which is far deeper and far more infinite and far more eternal do not allow the darkness which is ultimately external and superficial even if it comes with such powerful messages to triumph over the beautiful light that shines from your face from your eyes from your soul as you have just seen as I have just seen a few moments ago the courageous individual who spoke just a few moments ago when there it's [Applause] fine to parents Educators teachers leaders rabbis and all people of influence the message I think tonight is this bem thank God a new awareness has swept through the Jewish Community Nationwide and really worldwide people are becoming more aware people are becoming more informed people are becoming more more educated our role and function is to be attuned to the needs of those whose lives have been hurt so deeply to open up our hearts to open up our souls not to be judgmental and not to be dismissive rather to be able to embrace every aching spirit and to be able to show them that we will be there for them and we will be there for them unconditionally through thick and thin we believe in them we love them we embrace them we will not we will not dismiss them we will not judge them nor will we not believe them there has been a perception that took root among many and that is that somehow the world of T the world of is Fond on covering up these types of heinous crimes it is our greatest duty today to eradicate that notion completely the most essential function and objective of somebody once asked the great bris was one of the greatest leaders of his time in the early 1900s what is the primary function of the rabbi and Sal said bris said to stand up for those who are oppressed to stand up for victims who will not have anybody else stand up for them and that is how he lived in the that we read on Yer the holiest day of the year in the morning yes in chapter 57 of Isaiah quotes hasem who says you think I need your fasting you think your fasting is going to make you desirable what I need from you is that when you see somebody who's hungry give them food how they prosper and somebody who's naked give them clothing and somebody who's oppressed and in Chains and shackles give them Liberty and give them freedom and somebody who's suffering and being abused give them respite give them peace give them Tranquility as the prophet goes on then your light will shine today we have to stand up and make a demon demonstrate clearly through our words and much more through our behavior that the greatest objective of the greatest objective of is not to tolerate innocent people who are suffering and to stand up to aggression to stand up to evil behavior of All Sorts with unwavering conviction believing in the unwavering Dignity of every person created in the image of God to be able to live a life true to their soul true to their creator true to their Essence and true to their wholesomeness and we are the ones who have to show the victim that you can speak up that silence don't think that you have to take your secrets to the Grave because ghosts and skeletons thrive in secrecy they cherish Darkness they cherish deception speak up and reach out we will be here for you through thick and through thin we will stand up for you that is our prerogative as human beings our prerogative as Jews and our greatest Duty as responsibility of Jews who are committed to T whose great objective as Hill said the whole Is Not to cause somebody pain that you wouldn't want to be done to and everything else is a commentary that means any Al I ever Learn Somehow is a commentary on how to love cherish respect and restore the Dignity of another individual and for those of us who have made mistakes in the past as a result of ignorance as a result of really being clueless let us not be afraid to have the courage and stand up and say I made a mistake I apologize I'm sorry I did not know I myself your the speaker right here now did not know for many years at the last event and at this event again I express my apology for the years that I was completely uninformed uneducated and therefore did not always know how to react what to say let us not be afraid to speak that truth we're human we're mortal we're frail this has been shrouded in so much secrecy for so many decades so few of us knew and if I have to say I'm sorry it is a delight and a privilege to say I'm sorry because when you're saying I'm sor sorry for a good reason it makes you stronger it makes the victim stronger and it serves Justice and it brings more light into the world and our primary objective tonight is to recommit ourselves to bring light into every soul into every heart into every child and when we encounter a child who encountered in his or her Young Life Darkness we want to double and triple the amount of of light the amount of love the amount of Hope the amount of Faith the amount of confidence May every activist always remember we have one objective and one objective only and the objective is to protect young and innocent children and to make sure their lives are filled with light never can we allow an agenda of Darkness an agenda of Revenge an agenda based on anger to Define our behavior and dictate our future we in order to be able to help others must go into the light within ourselves and find that point in ourselves that transcends anger even if it exists that transcends pettiness that transcends any form of darkness and is completely committed to one agenda and one agenda only and that is to bring to bring happiness to bring positive energy into the Jewish Community into Jewish families into Jewish institutions into Jewish schools into Jewish homes happiness is the key positivity is the key light is the key that is what we want every single child to have that is the agenda agenda and the exclusive agenda heaven forbid that activism in this area should in any way convey disrespect or denigration to the respect of to to the respect of and to those who carry the flag of to and CU let's face it the reason why we are all here sitting here tonight after thousands of years of savage abuse and suffering is only because the power of that made sure that theim the Divine image and the goodness in human beings survived all the abuse that our people has endured to abandon that or even neglect that even a bit in our fight for the safety of our future will undermine our success in the profoundest sense in the profoundest way and I want to tell you something a little vulnerable you know so many victims as Ellie just said don't speak up till they're 40 some of them 50 some of them 35 I know people personally who haven't spoken for 20 years 25 years 15 years they hold it inside they haven't told us song but a while ago a young man in his 30s came sat down at my dining room table broke down crying I already knew I said how old were you he said8 how old are you now 32 did you ever tell anybody your mother your father nobody nobody he shared his secret with the Devils on promiscuous websites they were the only ones and that's not the place where you want to show you secrets we don't blame them for their silence we understand a little bit of the trauma we understand a little bit of the shame we understand a little bit of the pain that they experience and for them to speak is so difficult that's why parents have to be encouraged to speak to their children to teach their children to communicate to their children to have open Channels with their children to listen listen to their children to be sensitive and in tuned to the inner voice of their children but we understand and therefore even though as a result of their silence so much time has been lost but we understand that trauma causes silence and all we can do is say henceforth don't wait so long but even if you did there is still hope I say to you now isn't it true isn't it true that so many Educators so many leaders so many parents so many rabbis so many people in positions of influence prominence and power have they also not been dramatized as a result of ignorance Clueless fear misinformation lack of judgment haven't all of us in one way or another way not been affected directly or indirectly even if completely not to the degree infinitely further remote from the degree of the victims tonight is a night when we together must open a new chapter in Jewish life it's a night that should be dedicated to unwavering commitment but also a night that is dedicated to opening a new chapter that is based on mature forgiveness for many of us who have been misinformed and many of us who in our own way lacked an education or skills or knowhow and to be able to say to all of us together let's let's focus on opening a new chapter and turning a new page in Jewish life we're together laymen and leaders activists and rabbis Educators and therapists men and women of all communities all backgrounds and all walks of life say Mas a lot of damage was done what we want to do now is protect every child for eternity help every child who has been damaged never allow this to occur again and again in our [Music] communities without standing up to it with full Vigor and spirit and let us remember that God will be with us in our work when we will be committed completely to bring liite to bring light to bring hope to bring dignity into each of their lives with which will only be successful if it's saturated with andem and with those three loves we will flood the Jewish World with a type of Love That Will transform abuse and hate and darkness to to a situation where the innocence and the purity of each of our children will be able to shine forever thank you very much thank you [Music]