Rabbi Yossi Bensoussan: Living with the Eye of Your Creator Series (Part 1)

okay ravaness was not lying he knows us for do i talk i talked very loud um robonus has known us for a very very very long time and um and in that time he has inspired me more than i can ever say you know i don't always understand what he's saying but i always feel it i i always i always feel the the words dwarim you know are are very very powerful things and rabbi balones is a live he's just one heart that gives out to the world okay first off um we'd like to say uh tonight shior is going to be um i i would like to say uh tonight's share is going to be uh for for shalima uh yitzhak nissen ben luna um before we jump right in let's just notice that i think it's it's always the same people you know the the rabbi the rabbi mentioned this already but i have to i have to give schwa to hashem because you need to understand it was uh the rabbi said it was almost two years and i was trying to say a little over a year ago because i still emotionally can't handle the uh the idea but as i stand there in front of you i'm thinking to myself outside of uh of a program like a chivalrous program or whatever it is this is the first speech i'm giving it's first class i'm giving in anywhere really this is the first uh and and he's right the last one i gave was for hazak the lat the last one i think was was actually yeah yeah it was yeah yeah you're right it was our wow okay yeah he's 100 right i was gonna try to but no you were right i went straight from there back to cleveland's on a thursday night i went straight from there back to uh back to cleveland i i yeah i'm the one that lives in cleveland not l.a in case you uh got us confused um um i went straight back to cleveland and monday we were yeshiva was closed and we were in quarantine it was uh it was it was crazy and hashem full circle we got to come back and i remember all those months and years apparently complaining and saying that the zoom thing is not working for me you know what it is to be a speaker who primarily tells jokes and you're doing it on zoom and you never know if anyone's laughing at your jokes my ego was so high because i just assumed everyone's rolling i gave them a minute i would give everyone a break of a minute after every junk be like compose yourself people i'm i'll continue the speech in a second i'm sure everyone's dying of laughter right now and it was zoom was was uh was a blessing it really was and i had a uh at a tremendous uh braha that that right before covet started excuse me one of my um one of my students um wasn't well whatever and we started doing a class for him on zoom before anyone heard of zoom one of my techie students was like rabbi there's a thing called zoom and we could do it on zoom so i i became a little proficient in zoom before i needed to and then was able to run straight in it doesn't mean none of my zoom classes never failed horribly but still you know it it worked out but this is an amazing amazing opportunity to just give shiva and let hashem know how many how many classes over the past two years ended and hashem will be able to do this in person and here we are no one is as impressed as we are with corona though knowing our joy level is not on par with our depression of quarantine and that's really what we want to get into tonight in a minute is that dichotomy we call it i don't know how to say that on farsi the the the mismatchedness of our joy of the joy we allow ourselves versus the sadness that we allow in first i want to thank hazak i have no idea i was there once i'm going tomorrow i'm going tomorrow to see it again because because i need another reason to feel like i'm not doing anything for claudio israel and if you ever want to feel like a nobody go to the kazakh offices the reason if you ever want to love a jew go to the kazakh offices and if you ever want to feel like you're never doing enough go to the kazakh offices because if you go there they have like this i said before they have like the c-i-a-s operation going on with maps and computer screens and people with headsets and and you would think they were stopping terrorist attacks and they are they are they're stopping spiritual terrorist attacks this is our frontline defense against our children completely assimilating and nowadays you need to understand something this isn't back in the day back in the day assimilating was a hard thing to do there was a lot of shame involved in it bringing home a non-jewish girl bringing home a non-jewish boy there was a lot of shame involved in that back in the day going away from your parents path there was a lot of shame involved in that no matter how affiliated by the way or unaffiliated sometimes the more unaffiliated the jew the stricter they were in a lot of ways about their roots also nobody liked us 60 70 years ago we're going to go into this in a few minutes with 60 70 80 years ago a jew couldn't do whatever he wanted he couldn't get a job wherever he wanted he couldn't own whatever he wanted till today there's certain uh jobs that we hold because those were the only jobs we were allowed to have back then there's a there's a school in cleveland called the hebrew academy of cleveland i'm hoping i'm getting this right because if i'm not i'm going to hear about it when i get home there's a school called the hebrew academy in cleveland they just purchased this new beautiful campus and they're building this big beautiful building because there was a pilgrimage of of people that uh have a tremendous influx of jews that have come to cleveland and they're building this big beautiful school the state-of-the-art schools gorgeous and they're building it on what used to be a golf course and if the stories are true it was the only or is one of the first golf courses or the only one if i if i if my memory serves me correct it was one of the only golf courses or the only golf course and back then golf was a big thing not that it's not now but it was bigger than again that allowed it was a country club golf course this is where all the wealthy people went to do business to do so many other things to socialize and was one of the only ones that allowed jews in fast forward years and years and years later it's one of the biggest schools in the world is one of the big jewish religious jewish schools in the whole world it's enormous it used to be didn't even let us in nowadays nowadays no one cares that you're a jew i remember one of my arabian one time told me you want to know the biggest danger you want to know one of the biggest dangers to the jews it's not that jews are forgetting that they're jews it's that the forgot their they're forgetting to hate us that might sound crazy but they're forgetting to hate us they're forgetting to segregate us instead i remember there was a book when i was a kid i'm trying to i don't prepare those parts i i don't remember what the book was called it was a book when i was a kid about this jewish kid that became a neo-nazi this jewish kid he didn't just go off the dara he went as far off as he possibly could have gotten he became a neo-nazi he joined their gangs and he joined and he was trying to explain to the neo-nazis the way to kill the jews the way to destroy the jewish people is not to murder them is not to persecute them everybody tried everyone tried if khalil you were alive during the destruction of betta maktash you have to shop off coming up if you were alive during the destruction of betham you would have thought it was over you would have thought it was done with no more jews they've tried and tried and tried and tried there's like not a country in the world left that has been around for x amount of years that hasn't had a hand in trying to destroy every jew and trying to murder us and he was telling them the key to destroying the jews is to not destroy the jews they're like a wound the more you pick at them the more you push at them the worse they get the bigger they get the more numerous they get you want to know how to destroy the jews he took a lesson from paro paro came the closest he said you want to know how to destroy the jews the parole learned us from bill amharsha you want to know how to destroy them don't segregate them not anti-semitism don't kill them bring them in invite them in care for them love them tell them you could be a jew it's fine just come to my party just just like me on instagram that's all i want you to do just join my stories things that's all i want you to do listen come to the basketball game and idolize this 15-foot guy dudes it's all we want you to do to be nice we just want you as a part of us come come to our concerts come to our word our gates are open to you he says you're right you're not going to have every jew dead by tomorrow but in 10 years 20 years they're going to get diluted they're not going to know who they are anymore they're going to lose their power they're going to get fat they're going to get stupid they're going to lose everything they're going to get lazy they're gonna lose everything and when that happens then the jews will kill themselves they're just gonna assimilate and turn into nothing that's how you get rid of the jews back in the day this is my argument that we're going to make in a little bit but back in the day they used to hate us and that reminded us of who we were nowadays they figured out what to do they brought us in every 12 year old kid has access to the whole world right here and every non-jew is telling him we love you we love you santa come come like a predator in a car with candy to a little kid come come i know your mommy come i know your mommy come what sounds very scary now it sounds scary we dress like them we act like them we talk like them who's fighting that fight who's ensuring that this doesn't happen do we even know what we're fighting for do we have any idea why what we have is so important we lost it but there are few organizations that stood up and said no we didn't hazak being on the top of that pile it it gets me emotional when i say this because i remember three years ago four years ago i forgot when it was one time i spoke for hazak and they gave me numbers to see these numbers grow makes me feel alive i remember when i was trying to make 70 kids a year sound bigger my job is done for me a thousand kids in four years a thousand jewish pulled out of certain death and by the way when i say certain that it's not even the shama that we're worried about anymore these schools that these kids are in are not just full of non-jews intellectuals that are just these aren't preparatory academies where they're all running around and there's blazers and they're they're uh they're handkerchiefs in their pockets these are gangsters and thugs that we're sending them to school with and then we say to them why aren't you why aren't you going to marry a jewish girl why aren't you religious what do you why why he can't be it's dangerous he shows up they're starting to say he's a jew what's the representation of a jew now that he's wearing a magen david kid's gonna get stabbed when i say they're saving a thousand kids i mean literally the lives of a thousand children and it's not just a thousand kids if we're gonna deal on the spiritual nashamah level over here it's not just the lives of a thousand kids it's those kids kids and those kids kids when you walk through their offices all you can feel is how can i be a part of this and they answered even that call because greatness is we're gonna see not not in our step tonight but in our step probably tomorrow night or tomorrow during the day over the course of the series we're doing right now but in this greatness that they accomplish it's never selfish it's never i me what can we do let's be the best ones what's everyone else doing oh that organization got 500 kids now we have to get 700 that's not how it works think about any business that you know of they're going around giving free flyers to the other businesses they're going around advertising for their competitors it's the most messed up business logic i've ever heard but when you're coming from a real place it doesn't matter who say even hospitals a hospital doesn't want you going to the other hospital oh that that doctor might be better and save your life better i don't care i don't care i don't want you going to another hospital i want you working here i want you coming here i want to be the best hospital with the most patients in this go where i don't get so don't go to me go wherever khazak's reaches so far inspiring so many to just reach out so what are they asking of us who do you know because you know somebody and we're going to explain this in tonight's your but who do you know because everyone knows somebody everybody knows somebody they have a gmail address i love this gmail address you know most people they say that everything that we say gets recorded everything that we write gets recorded and uh and after 120 it gets presented to us again for us to see i was always worrying what happens is everything that we type also get recorded because we've hit delete a lot of times you know man this gmail address has been one of the only email addresses on earth that after 120 when we see it it's going to be able to be read in its full glory not one editing is going to be needed on any of these emails the email address is p-s-t-y kazakh.org it stands for public school to yeshiva at kazakh.org if you know somebody you don't even have to do anything if you know somebody if you know somebody a cousin a relative a co-worker a a neighbor someone you pray with andrew someone anyone that has a child that is in public school and you know or you don't even think you don't even have to know when you see either of the rabbi mayroes sell their thing you could have had a guy who swore the last thing he'll ever do is send his kids to public school he walks out of there with a beard and a strivo it's unbelievable email them the information they'll reach out they'll do everything and that kid now that kid is on you the kids that you save is on you then the the mishnah tells us it's not on you to finish it but you get the saharas if you did so let's say you reach out you give them three names and each one of those three names have three kids that's nine kids math is not my strong suit that's nine kids if none of them go the mishnah says you get the sar the rabona shalom looks at you as if all nine of them went not only did all nine of them go according to hashem they all did amazing them and their children and grandchildren great-grandchildren all did amazing [Music] and let's say they don't go but the rabbi reaches out and the parents think to themselves you know what we're not sending to public schools we're not sending to you a lot of that should happen but let's say they say that but they say but you know what the rabbi did have a point there's no tradition there's no there's no spirituality there's nothing i'm not giving my kids anything i have to at least take the step forward to do that shabbat has to be a little bit holier around here we have to go to school a little more often imagine that reach out to hazak give them what you can by way of the names by way of the information and let them do what they do best and save lives i want to thank the rabbi tora or hazak robbie obviously who i i robbie is one of those guys you never know who he works i just found out now he works for kazakh i have no idea anytime he has his finger in like every single pot i have no idea who runs ravi but robbie is just an unstoppable force so a very very big uh big thank you to robbie a very big thank you to torah anytime for uh obviously myself and my family owe a very big debt of gratitude to tara anytime but a very big thank you to tori anytime um we're going to talk about their daily doses later but let's jump in right now i wasn't planning on taking that long for by way of intro okay so our don't worry about it i'll i'll cut and paste over here so by the way it's the beauty of doing a series i can just continue talking tomorrow so by way of our topic is living with the eye of our creator which was an accident not living with the eye of our creator the topic why was it an accident because robbie sent me a flyer and he just chose randomly a topic and you put it on there might have been a topic someone else has used already i have no idea and he put it on there it's like this is what the flyer is going to look like and i've learned that i used to never open those emails i would just respond to them yep looks good because i don't care what the fire looks like to be honest and then i got into a lot of trouble for a flyer that whatever and um so i started looking and now the flyer looked fine i don't know it still looked fine to me i i don't know if i would have caught the one i got in trouble for either or the few i got shot before so i uh i responded that looks fine he's like oh you want that topic i'm like sure and then look at the topic because as a speaker you'll find that you can deal on any topic you'll say what you want anyway however the topic did inspire me there was something i've been working on for a while and i never knew how to put it out in a certain way and this topic just did it for me living with the eye of our creator it's perfect it's really perfect especially right now what we're going through right now are the nine days we're mourning not just the loss of the peter mcdash not just the loss of a temple from yes but for us to be able to connect to that is very difficult for us to be able to say i know what that means is very difficult i remember my first year in israel i went to the hotel i miss seder i know i'm a horrible person i miss hater and i went to the hotel with a few of my friends it's like my second day there i had the kotel i felt was pulling me when people go to israel for the first time they get very spiritual very quick and i went i was no exception to that if anything i was the poster boy example and i went to the hotel actually i went with my brother um ravari and we went to the hotel somehow he didn't cut cedar i don't know how that worked but yeah we went to the hotel and it's cause i had an issue on friday and he didn't i just realized no one needs to know that information i know so we went to the hotel and i come back and my rebbe said to me yasie you miss seder i said robby it's okay i was at the hotel and he said i didn't i didn't understand i don't know i was like but i still didn't get why that wasn't really a thing that wasn't really an excuse for a rabbi in this type of yeshiva and he was like you know what that's like telling him uh no it's fine i was sleeping instead and then i went to a bar it was like it's that it's not that the hotel's not a holy place it's that you're sitting and learning and then you went to a tourist attraction instead it's not it doesn't add up for him so he's like you went where i'm like i went to the hotel so he's like really he's like so tell me how was i said ah robbie it was unbelievable i don't have words to describe it he's like tell me what happened i said i went i touched a wall ain't no house i was never the only one he's like you don't feel anything did you i'm like not a thing i mean what what what am i supposed to feel because i really was feeling very guilty of the fact that the first thing i thought when i saw the hotel and this for anyone older in the room you i know you want to throw something at me my f i never told the story of my father because he killed me the older generation had had they actually did feel something walking up to dakota younger generation we we woke up and i the first thing i thought when i saw the kotel for the first time in person was that's a lot smaller than i thought it would be i thought it was a massive hole it's not that big especially when you come down on the steps from the top from isha toro over there it's like all the way down there you're looking at the other walls you're like which one is it they're all look the same at this point from this vantage point and i went down and i touched the hotel i daven it was it was a beautiful diamond but not what i expected not what i expected and he said to me the kotel is the last standing wall of the beta mctash i said yeah thank you that's why i went you guys know you don't understand something he's like what have you ever done to tap into that type of kadusha what have you ever done to be able to really appreciate what that wall stands for i didn't fully understand what he was saying then but i think we could try to explain it the point is that no matter who you are you can never really understand what it meant that we had a beta maktash for those of us that were lucky enough to be a alive years and years ago during six day war during uh yom kippur where we understand what it means to have arrested israel at least you understand the ness of that but to understand what it means to have the beta we can't fathom that we can't wrap our heads around that so what are we mourning this is that says that says that the heart is what counts if we do things and we're just right and yeshayah it says if we do things we're just paying lip service we're just saying the words it doesn't matter it's meaningless we went through very difficult times in yoshai because the jews were doing that so what are we doing now we don't shave we don't listen to music we don't this you know that's so what why what are we missing what do we really feel we're lacking we can't do a few of our comforts for a few days it's like it's a it's like the pizza phenomenon people could go weeks without pizza not notice multi pesa comes they'll stab someone in the neck to get two steps further in a line they'll lose their minds to get a pie a pizza i haven't had i don't know what i haven't had unleavened bread do you even know do we even know what it really is i haven't had bread in so long it's like i haven't had carbs by the way you've had plenty of carbs i haven't had what in so long that we need we need to run out there like crazy people when we get robbed of our comforts for five minutes we lose it what are we missing what we're missing is what we're mourning right now is not just that we don't have a connection to hashem that is what we're mourning what we're mourning is is that without the beta maktash we can never fully have the real deep connection with the ramona people tend to start today their questions have to do with today they don't take into account history i have people ask me all the time if there's a god how much how come there's so much suffering in the world well there wasn't supposed to be everything was supposed to be daisies rainbows and butterflies and beautiful abdomen richonne when he was created everything was great we did this this was us and he kept going down and level they say the gemara says that in north times in the times of noah everything was so amazing people barely worked it was spring all the time the weather was perfect when you picked the metro says when you picked an orange off of a tree another orange perfectly would grow in its place nothing rotted it would just wait there for someone to eat it never fell seasons never changed was always perfect weather perfect beautiful outside everything was gorgeous and then we sinned again and then my bull came what was so crazy about the mabul it never rained when it wasn't supposed to people had no idea what was going on they were losing it the world was supposed to be perfect we did this how come there's so much suffering we did this we're the ones who did this and everyone takes that in such a depressive way to me it is the most empowering thing we can ever say do you know what it means that we did this let me tell you a lie from the truth avraham avinu the famous magister every kid loves my kids love coming home telling me this one avram avinu his father says son i'm going out watch the shop for a few minutes i don't mean it says ah i've been waiting for this moment here we go he leaves ammo takes an axe and a hook whether he was 3 or 45 everyone's always like he was definitely 45 right yeah it's a little bit of a gap everyone's like oh he was definitely 45 if you destroyed all those uh things in that amount of time with an axe i say to those people you've never met my son yitzchak he could go through a house in 45 minutes without a problem if he had an ex so avraham at three runs through the house and runs through the uh shop and destroys everything puts the axe in the biggest or the more or the strongest uh what we're saying here there's getchka the strongest i fight the zara's hand the strongest idol's hand and he waits and his father comes in and he says what did you do i knew you were trouble and he goes well i was just standing here i didn't do any of this it was the the guy with the he's holding the axe and said he caught him red-handed you caught him red-handed dad and tara said to him what are you no no he can't do that so why did you do it what happened over there he knew he was lying he knew the whole thing was fake see if it were real what would avrom's father have thought i can make a billion dollars right now i have the strongest idol in the world every other idol got into a fight it's like the ufc of idols every other idol got into a fight in my store and one came out the strongest i could sell this guy for everything what what's your idol you have a thingamajiggy this guy murdered it how much how much everyone want to bid on that why wouldn't he turn that into a pr dream he has the strongest idol in the world he could flip this he could switch this so easily take out advertisements i pit every idol i had against this guy and he destroyed everyone guaranteed bring your idol send them in there this guy's gonna kill it why didn't he do that well because he didn't believe that that's what happened because he knew the whole thing was fake to begin with so it was without the majority of him that it was real that thing could have killed everybody fine when we know something's fake we don't have a lot of a lot of faith in it we don't put a lot of trust in it so what are we doing we're walking around crying over something we don't even know anything about and then we say i'm not feeling it this must not be for me you have any idea the opportunity right now that we have we went around and we destroyed the whole world if there's a tsunami it's because of us if there's a hurricane it's because of us if there's a collapse in miami it's because of us if there's a if there's a a torrential who knows it that's us it's all us an earthquake it's us it's all us do you realize what that means so we're so trained to see the negative and beat ourselves up that all we say is oh i can't do this again i can't as opposed to say wait a second hold on if i'm that strong if i'm that powerful if i'm that amazing that i can make a tsunami happen halfway around the world then what can i do in my own backyard if i just focused my rugby rabbi berkowitz has a a nuance he hates he hates remember because i don't think hates anything but he bothers him he says people say what do you want i'm only human you ever heard that line i'm only human what do you want i'm only human cesaro it's your only human you have any idea what happened when human beings came into the world when admiration was created they said the angels started singing shira as if he was a god because when they saw him they saw so much connection to god they saw so many similarities to god to the rabona shalom they saw so many similarities that they started singing she-ra how this makes sense i don't know i don't have the answers but the fact is i'm only human we're the greatest things ever what's askew the skew and the thing that we're crying about right now is that we stopped viewing things through god's eyes we only use our vision we stop thinking beyond what our two eyes see we stop thinking through the box that we put our heads into we believe ourselves to be free thinkers when in reality we're so small-minded the effect that we can change everything is a reality it's not a fantasy the question is how do we do this what do we do about it how do we go how do we go from this concept to a reality once we know what we can affect once we know what we can do once we know how do we change it number one right now at this point of the year everyone is working on lashon hara right you're gonna see on many videos going around and they're amazing not taking away from that at all there's been many videos going around about about lashon hara because we know sana hatred is what tore down the beta mechdash the only thing that could rebuild it is love love for one another respect for one another we're gonna discuss love in a minute that's the only thing that can rebuild it but sinnah hatred is what ripped it down is that sina when we speak negatively when we speak gospel we speak negatively about other people that's what tore it down i like to make a suggestion i think we need to do things a little bit different hashem hara is a horrible thing but i want to tell you you know this is something parents tell their kids all the time and as parents every parent i don't care who you are every parent myself everyone every parent we just things just fall out of our mouths when it comes to our kids we just say stuff to him and we don't think about it at all kid comes home he's like he called me stupid like you're the smartest kid in the world what are you talking to me god you're stupid oh you're not stupid you know why he called you stupid because he's jealous of you now hang on one second i just need to make a phone call just one second yeah no she said i'm dumb i know i know and i i cried myself to sleep that night actually because i don't think i'm there we do the same exact thing she said i'm annoying he said i'm not smart enough to do the we do the same exact thing what happened to the advice you just gave great advice that person down the block is jealous of you they're not jealous of me i'm dumb there's no reason that they should be jealous of me why were we so confident when we told it to our kids it's very simple we're very confident when we tell it to our kids for a reason the reason we're very confident when we tell it to our kids is because whoever it is that told our kid that we don't hold much value to them know better than that other four-year-old kid but when it comes to the guy down the block no i think he actually knows better than me he gets to define who i am better than i do we give over the reins of control to all other people why i was learning it's always a weird thing to talk about i was learning um a number of years ago back in the day i was learning hypnosis i'll let that hang in the ear for a second usually and welcome back everybody um i was learning uh hypnosis and one of the first rules in hypnosis is really the first rule i believe and we're going to apply it here in life you can never hypnotize another person we're not the baby brother who knows this works it does it doesn't matter you can never hypnotize another person unless you yourself are not under hypnosis what that means is is that you have to go first you have to be in a certain state first now the way this translates in the world is that uh we all get hypnotized all the time so if it's a song or a movie or a an amazing speaker anything they can hypnotize you but if they're not creative if they're not in it so if this movie is just garbage it's just random images flying over the screen the story doesn't make sense nothing is aesthetically pleasing the videography is garbage it looks like it's shot in someone's camera if the music is just someone smashing a a violin against the floor which granted some music nowadays sounds like and if if whatever you're not going to get hypnotized by that because they're the person who's creating it didn't go first they didn't create they didn't put themselves into that state of beauty of of hypnosis of creation of trance to in order to put you into that you have to go first what i want to suggest is that we go first what does that mean we go first you know why we speak bad about other people think about him be honest be honest i had two kids sitting in my office i have to change the story so just give me one second it kind of it's very recent and it's gonna be very obvious when i'm talking about if i had two guys sitting in my office they were guys that didn't get changed sounds like i just changed it but it's not two guys sitting in my office and um one of them was a very bad student the other one was a very good student the very good student was bullying the very bad student right the guy who mamash just in every class he just couldn't hold couldn't anything the kid who was able to was bullying him now this kid was bullying him we'll call him kid a rule vein rouvain was bullying shimon poor ruvain and shimon they get beaten up all the time i don't know why aruvayn and shimon reuben was bullying shimon rouvain was a star basketball player star student great kid and he's beating up over here on chimo shimon is a little bit slower not as charismatic not as good at basketball not as good at just about anything doesn't have as many friends but he is a very happy person he's very happy he walks around with a big smile he's always singing he's always and rovain's bullying him i said to rouvey and reuben what's the deal over here he's like he's annoying walks into the room he's always singing no it's annoying i'm trying to learn and he's annoying me i'm trying to study he's annoying me so finally shimon asked him to leave the room so they're talking to roommates and what's going on something else is bothering you you don't normally act like this something else is bothering you and we're going deeper going deeper we're talking and finally it comes out and he says it and when he said it it shocked him he stopped for a second he was like what did i just say we're going deeper going deeper and he goes i hate that he's so happy i said what why knew why but why he goes because he doesn't have anything he has nothing to be so happy about he's dumb he's not a good ball player he's not cool no one likes him and he's walking around like he owns the world someone has to put him in his place i said can you just say all that again without the righteousness of someone has to put him in his place batman and he goes i hate the fact that he's so happy and he says it and he says it again and he goes oh wow and he looks at me and i don't want to say it for him so i'm waiting i'm like yeah you could say it it's weird when you say it out loud it's weird but go ahead and he goes i'm jealous of him i'm jealous of whom i am i have to work so hard for everything and and and i'm not depressed i love my life i love everything but i have to work so hard to be happy and this guy is just walking around with nothing i don't like him that's reality when we say these bad things about people when we feel jealousy it's not because someone has something else and it's not by the way because of something we don't have that's not what it is either when i'm jealous of the money that guy has it's not because i don't have money because i can earn more than him i'm just going to be jealous again of the next guy and the next guy it never ends it's a concept of perfectionism i never stop wanting to be perfect i know a guy it's this guy who if i clean up my whole house i have a perfectionism issue a real one if i had to clean up my whole house and it was pristine my car is a mess and if my car is clean and my house is clean my office isn't mess and my cars that my house is building my heart's going i don't belong living in this house i have to sell it and buy a house i can clean easier it never stops and we do this to ourselves all the time do you realize there's no end to that what what void are we trying to fill what a hole inside of us are we trying to pack in the whole is us who we really are the mishnah says if i'm not going to be me who is going to be me this is classically interpreted but i want to go with ahmad ralawi that says it a little bit differently it may not nearly immediately he says means if i'm not going to be me who's going to be me realize if i'm not going to be mean no one's going to do my job not no one's going to take care of me that's how we classically interpreted if i'm not going to take care of me if i'm not going to build myself up if i'm not going to grow who is but that's not cesaro that's not the depth that's the surface level go deeper if i'm not going to be me what's me me as a part of the general whole if i'm not going to be me and claudia israel who will we have a concept we have an idea that we're the worst genera i've said this a few times we're the worst generation of jews to ever live those generations before us those were the and i'm not taking that away but when we say that this year that there's a lessening of the of the jewish people as we get further down the generations all we're saying is is that the further you are from harsinai the further you are from kabbalah the further you are from from a specific connection with hashem that's what we're saying it doesn't mean you're bad it doesn't mean you're evil it doesn't mean you're wrong it doesn't mean you're destroying things that's not what it means as a matter of fact as a matter of fact i'll bring you a proof the complete other way we were saying before that 50 60 70 years ago jews had no choice they weren't allowed they weren't allowed into most places they weren't allowed into most professions nowadays nowadays you could do whatever you want and you're choosing on a random wednesday to show up to a shield what is wrong with you i used to say when i was saying this what is wrong with you you're missing the best tv shows right now but everyone has a recorder like whatever they get it on demand i don't know whatever it is they have netflix it doesn't matter three of you are watching netflix right now no i'm saying everyone looked around you think i was going to call someone out on no we have one of the highest levels of we use now and if there's something that separates the jew from everyone else it's how we use our free will the whole world says one thing and we go against it that's a jew and there's never been a generation till now that has been doing that amazingly every single turn our kids take is trying to pull them off every single turn every time you turn on your phone there's a chance your child is going to see something hear something everything out there is telling him what you're doing is not only uncool it's evil religion is evil you don't like people who like a lot of other things and then and and a wing and and liberals and all making a sound like a bunch of devils yet we choose we choose call me call me what you want go ahead you could call me whatever you want call me a devil call me a hater call me this we'll see you i am not you i'm saying most of these people are so uneducated they're calling jews nazis no idea what they're you choosing this you choosing that how many people do you know that aren't here right now that aren't doing this tonight but you are you you have a tour anytime camera over here you know what that means that means that someone is going to be on the internet at some point and instead of watching youtube netflix or anything else he's gonna sit there typing in the word torah into his computer in order to see this that's the level of he's walking right by every single horrible thing that is so enticing and so beautiful to him and so numbing of all the pain all the craziness and said and he's going there so what's what's the problem there's no problem we're just falling for the greatest trick the devil ever pulled the satan is coming up and he's saying i can't do this they're too strong i'm going to convince them that they're horrible i'm going to convince them that they're bad people that's the only thing i have that's all i have left so i'm going to give them guilt i'm going to give them guilt i'm never going to allow them to be happy with where they're holding [Music] i'm gonna get into their heads i'm gonna tell them things that make no sense but they're gonna believe it i'll prove it to you we've said this once before a few times before you have a guy who shows up to shula yom kippur and he's sitting over there and he's he's praying and he's crying yom kippur the day for sinners the day where we we we openly say to rabbi every horrible thing i've done the more horrible the things i've done right the more religious the person the longer the list they walk in they have books they have full books of just our heads of just lists of sins that we might have done the more sins i say the better of a jew i am the more bad things i admit to then the better of a jew i am on that day and and the satan is going to come into this guy's head while he's praying on yom kippur saying all the average he didn't say what are you doing so he's going to say that i did this sin that i enjoyed that sin and he's going to come in his like what are you doing what are you doing you're a liar you're such a liar i was there when you did that sin you loved it and instead of saying back to him yeah thank you yeah that's the whole point the whole point of doing the sin was that i liked it that's why i'm here today as a matter of fact i don't know what the rabbi is doing here but i'm here because i'm a sinner he's like but now if we just use that logic back to me to be like oh yeah no that makes sense tomorrow i'm gonna go but no we were like you know what you're right i'm a piece of garbage forget it i'm leaving and he gets us to go we so we believe it in a second we don't even ask him a question back we don't say anything we go to a rabbi then people say go to this rabbi he could see into your soul you're like no no thank you i'm not going to that one actually get me a blind rabbi i'll be fine with a blind one that wouldn't be perfect for me why well because when he sees into my soul he's just going to see how horrible of a person i am it's the first thing we think for for the younger people in the crowd you ever sitting at a table and your mother whoever picks up your phone bags and instead of hers you know that palpitation you have for one second like oh god now you know it's locked they can never get him and you go there oh no oh it's my fault like you'll do things you never thought you would ever like that one's mine sorry that was mine that one's mine like i just need to make a phone call and like never older people they have no idea what happened like i just wanted to make a phone call like use your phone it's no more there's no more like 300 anytime minutes right you have unlimited calling on that thing give me your phone like no just saying that turn to someone give me your phone every teenager in here was just like where is my phone i just want to make sure that my mom didn't take my phone palpitate oh because no no one's gonna pay attention to the good i'm doing on my phone or any any they're looking for dirt why because that's how we that's how we react to ourselves so we react to other people and think about it someone does something wrong someone does something wrong someone messes up what do we say now we see their true colors i they've done a million right things in their life that was all a game it's all a game it's all a game to cover up that thing that they did wrong the mishnah that says that says when you have two people standing speaking to dayanim the judges when you have two people standing in front of you kazakhstan i'm sorry uh we have two people uh uh standing in front of you view them as if they were guilty heavy men after hashem view them as if they are both guilty and when they leave from in front of you when they're when you're not judging them anymore view them as if they're innocent view them as if they're innocent muslim says what are you playing a game you're the master guilty female as they're innocent so we say view them as guilty we understand why if we go in and everyone's innocent everyone's guilty to prove an innocent will find the truth here but now they both leave i found one guy guilty i said one guy start from that guy nah they're both innocent well what does that mean mr says no i'm not telling you to lie yeah that guy might have messed up anybody but don't judge him don't define him by whatever he was doing there we say this line all the time you want to see a person's choose colors wait till you get him into into a money dispute and then you'll see his true colors no you won't no you won't you got a guy into a money dispute and bring him to court you're gonna see the worst part of him why is that his true colors now i see who he really is no no why why is that who he really is why because that's what i believe about myself the deepest darkest parts of me that i'm ashamed about that's who i really am that's what we feel that's why and all the good that i do all the good that i do that's not me i you're happier when you do good and ultimately we would say that the happier you would be the real you no no no no that's logical not listening to that no i feel horrible and that's me you don't know how bad i am so everyone always asks the same question when i say this but if we're all going to walk around thinking that we're so great no one's gonna ever do anything really really is that how your life has worked out so far that when you feel horrible about something when you beat yourself up when you degrade yourself and feel ashamed you shine that's when you grow that's when you feel amazing that's when you affect other people when you're putting yourself down or do you feel at your best you feel the most inspired do you feel the most connected do you feel the most motivated to help to do when you are building yourself up when you're allowing the greatest you to shine through shame has never led anybody to greatness ever it's led them to therapy but it's never which might at the end lead them to greatness but it's never led them to greatness we have to go first if we want to stop speaking about other people we have to stop speaking hara about ourselves there is no one we talk to more negatively more horribly i'm sure you've heard this before than the way we speak to ourselves think about the last time you really beat yourself up for something if you would ever speak to another human being like that you would be locked up think about it you do something i i do something wrong i'm like uh stupid you're an idiot why did you do that didn't you know imagine hearing a conversation between two people any two people and one that i'm saying to the other one you're stupid you're an idiot didn't you know you'd be like whoa buddy relax what are you doing whatever they did that's not the way you talk to someone but if we hear what if we talk to ourselves like that we're like yeah no deserve it i deserve that totally makes sense to me we're so rude to ourselves how can we ever find out who we are and connect connect to hashem if we're talking about ourselves like that look through every description right what's what's the point we're trying to get to over here is living with the eye of hashem i don't care how you view yourself the odds are the way we view ourselves it's it's just trauma it's just trauma i let's get under people's skin here for a second right how come every girl so sums up i've had girls say to me before i give my brains i give my talents i give everything just to be pretty i give everything just to be pretty i was about to say nowadays i have boys that's saying i'll get my brains looking at my talents just to be pretty also no it's not them it's it used to be money now it's just they're just like i you know i just don't want to have these eyebrows like i never even noticed your eyebrows i don't know how you noticed your eyebrows that how does that happen we so sideline ourselves why oh because we grow up we grow up and we have a people saying stupid things around us i'm sorry but that's the truth well if you're not pretty then right every every uh single person wants to be married you know what marriage solves not being single that's it one problem done that's it that's all it does all right there's a bunch of older women in here right now that want to stab me they're like this they have i'm not saying but to make people feel like they're worthless because they didn't they weren't betrothed that for to make men feel like they're nothing because they don't have the biggest house on the block because they're not driving that car it's crazy what's crazy about is that we believe it we've adopted these thoughts onto ourselves and we believe it we need to go first we need to stop and take upon ourselves right now to start viewing ourselves for what we really are what are we really we're what hashem tells us we are the first thing he told us is you were created but selemelo kim you were created in my image you were created in my image says god i created you to be like me you have greatness on in you you can create you can do you can affect there's no limit to how great you could become there's no limit to the amount of love that can come from you there's no limit to how great you can feel about yourself but it starts with you it starts with you speaking to you properly believing in you properly other people not believing that you are something should never be the reason that we don't do what we need to do in ana nearly nearly means says namara that there is this great whole that has to be done this great whole w-h-o-l-e this is great thing that needs to be accomplished and we're all a part of it it may not needly if i don't do my part for that there is no other me there is no other this guy that's gonna do that if i'm not out there killing it as me and instead i decide to be that person or that person there's no one else that's going to do that and that's what we're held accountable for after 120. when we come up to shamayim after 120 it's going to be beautiful it's going to be glorious hashem's gonna look at us and be like oh i love you so much we all think of it as dining everyone's getting murdered you're dead already everything's fine we're coming up hashem looks at us and says first of all right my mother used to come home from pta you might have heard me say this once my mother used to come home from people who were over time my mother used to come home from pta i'm sorry we'll end with this not that we're the story but we're going to end um at some point or i'm going to keel over it's going to happen um my mother used to come home from pta um there's still pta in the world right i have no idea parents teachers association it's when the you know parents get yelled at by parents have to sit in little desks and the teacher talks at them like they're for and it gives you a feeling of how your kids get to feel every day and the my mother used to come home i was a horrific student i still am i'm dyslexic i have add i i i was a horrific student i couldn't anything nothing nothing went in like to say go in one ear out the other nothing went in to begin with it wasn't like there was a way to catch it it never like i would sit there staring at them and they'd be like oh my lord this guy there's nothing even happening there i was spacing i don't know what was happening but and my parents used to come home and and you know i used to make a little trouble i'm sure and my parents used to come home just to remind the teacher i'm still in the class i would make some job and my mother used to come home every single time and the first thing she would say now as an adult i know my mother was lying through her teeth she was lying right to my face but she used to come home and she used to she used to say to me first of all for every single teacher said the same thing the first thing they said mrs benshushan we love your son he is amazing he is hilarious he is so talented he is so smart we just wish he would do something anything in class productive but they love you this is how she would come home from every single pta i know she was lying because when i came in the next day and this is by the way the parent does the power that we have over people definitely over our children but over people i would come in the next day and it would the lie would be proven immediately i don't know what my mother was thinking i i know what she was thinking she was thinking that she's better than the teacher in my eyes and she was right i would come in the next day the teacher would be lying for me walk right up and be like did your mother tell you about our meeting last night i'd be like yeah thank you and be like okay so then i hope we're about to see my and i i think that's how the sentence ended i don't know i stopped listening four seconds after because again there was nothing doing but the fact of the matter was that was a dead giveaway that my mother was lying nothing doing up here nothing i did not realize because my mother told me that i believed her everyone loves me the first speeches i ever gave were horrible i look back at them now i cringe i cringe when i listen to my ones now i i don't listen i said i don't have to be there to listen but i'm i cringe what made me think i could go do that it was all my mother saying to me they're gonna love you i'm like okay i guess so she drilled it into our heads with a jackhammer you weren't allowed to talk bad about yourself in our house that was my father's job the we have to be kind to ourselves we have to be kind to ourselves first what does that mean we don't let ourselves get away with everything that's not what kindness is we let ourselves walk all over ourselves and do nothing all day and say it's okay it's okay that's not what kindness is kindness is beautiful kindness is i wake up in the morning and i say to myself i can do this why how do i know that i can do this because the first thing hashem tells me to say when with this the first thing hashem tells me to say every single day and according especially according to the swara din we don't have to wash our hands before we say this we don't have to do anything it's supposed to be said the second we gain any sort of consciousness the second our eyes open even a little bit we're supposed to say thank you hashem for waking me up and don't forget who hashem is no he's the living king he's the king king king he runs all of this he owns all of this he knows better than your uncle sammy he knows everything he knows everything he gave me back my shama with mercy and our final words when we finally gain consciousness we say and with great trust in me with great belief in me the god of the whole universe woke me up this morning because he believes i'm awesome who are we to say any different who's that small part of our brain there to say any different than that we need to go first as the next part of our series is going to be is what happens when we go first what happens to all the people around us what happens to all the jealousy what happens to all the anger what happens to all the resentment what happens to what happens what happens it all falls away it all falls away we don't have it anymore because we don't need it anymore because there's no more hole to fill there's no more emptiness it's beautiful it's beautiful it was a marine i just heard this it was a marine who was injured and goes around speaking he's an injured warrior goes around speaking someone came up to him he was in his fatigue someone came up to him and said i want to thank you so much for your service and his response every time someone says that to him is a guy comes up to him and says i want to thank you for your service his response to them always is you're worth it i thought that was so beautiful you're welcome you're worth it we're worth it you're worth it guys believe in you you're worth it hashem is the last nine days the last de shabab will ever have to suffer through