You're Doing Teshuvah Wrong

The order of rash and yum kiper is a little strange. You know if do you understand that going into rashash means it's a it's a brand new world. Now coalistically we always know it's a new world. Meaning time is time time is a psychological invention. Okay? You've never ever experienced it once in your life. Time is purely conceptual. You cannot experience time. You've never experienced it. It's amazing we even believe in it. Like have you ever experienced time? Never. You can't experience time. Which is so interesting that that we even believe in time. There's something called horizontal time. It's conceptual meaning we have a concept of the past. We can learn from it. We have a concept of the future. We can plan for it. Thankfully, like thankfully we have a concept of time. But you always at all times are USB cable interfaced into now. You're always interfaced into now at all times and you've never it's never been other than now your entire life. And it turns out coalistically we know that God creates the world what's called yes something from nothing which [clears throat] means this world's coming from absolute nothingness. And so you know what that's called? That's called vertical time. Horizontal time is the one that's purely conceptual. You've never experienced it. However, vertical time, the actual vertical, the flow of God who is God who's creating this moment and this moment and this moment and this moment very fast. Meaning there's no such thing even as cause and effect. I don't know if you you know this. There's no such thing as cause and effect. So like for example, if I take my AirPods and I hold them here and I drop them to there. So you think it's cause and effect, but it's actually being created a trillion times a second as it moves its way down to my hand. And we have the optical illusion of cause and effect because all there really is is God. Ata I see there's some people who last name probably ends with or something. So I'm the sometimes I pronounce my tavs at Hararees Ladas and sometimes I skip it and I'm a rabbi for the Mexican community of Syrians there. So I know how to give fullon shirim for you know to air on the misumah. Yeah. And um anyway this is being created at all times as it moves its way down. So God is renewing creation and renewing creation renewing creation. And by the way this is physics as well. You physics has the same thing going on where we understand world is really a digital simulation and it's it's like coming into existence at all times which is a funny way of thinking about the term olam haba cuz you think of haba as the next world but what does it mean literally haba is the world that's coming it's it's the haba it's the world that's constantly coming from nothingness to somethingness nothing to something nothing to something And Hashem is creating this moment and this moment which means you never age. Now I know you guys are probably thinking you look like you aged. Yeah. But you age slower. You age a lot slower because when you're living if you can get yourself to live in real time which means no time. I mean, if you can get yourself to live in real time, you you're you're fresh. You're fresh. You're full of energy. And you you're just like cuz cuz when you live in psychological time and you're thinking about, oh man, like what do I got to do today? And it's like I sat under the um the wings of a great rebi in Jerusalem. He's a secret rebi. I'll tell you his name. He'll still be a secret. His name is Rav Shalom Shakna Freriedman and he's known as the Hornes Rebi and I can't tell you much else other than that he's a secret he's a secret and he remains a secret because you can't become his student no matter what like no matter how much you try you can't really become a student because a a rebby to be a rebi is someone you want to emulate and it's not possible to emulate him. But for the last 40 years, he's slept less than 2 hours a day and not 2 hours at once. And when [snorts] he does go to sleep, he only goes to sleep learning the most difficult suggest that he wasn't able to get he wasn't able to open up usually sugas in Kabalo. And he gets to a sugo that he doesn't understand. And what he does is he goes to his bed. He he sits on the edge of his bed and he starts reviewing at least the words over and over and over and over and over and over again. It's a whole system and then he lays down till he passes out basically and then learns the sug and and I've never seen him eat a meal. I've been connected to him now for 35 years. I've sat there on yv. I've been with him on chabases and I still haven't seen him eat a whole meal. He would actually eat every day two slices of white bread. And after a while, he got really weak. He went to the doctor and the doctor said like, "What do you eat?" And he says, "Two slices of white bread." And the doctor's like, "You can't live off two slice of white bread. That's why you're weak." And and the Rebi says, "I have to eat my white bread." And the doctor's like, "Why?" He says, "Cuz if you look on the white bread, there's like a hundred ingredients from all over the world. And I'm raising up those places when I eat the bread and then I go back to my learning. I'm raising the places with my white bread. So the re the doctor says you you must take whole wheat bread, put it between the two slices and have a whole wheat bread sandwich with your white bread and he got his strength back which is amazing from his whole wheat bread. [snorts] Why am I telling you all this is I went to the rebby on Russashana. shouldn't have done it because my wife was my wife was uh like eight months pregnant and she needed to drink and we can't drink till the rebby makes kdish but the rebby making kittish is going to be like a 45minute affair and I'm sitting on the right of the rebby or standing on the right of the rebby and my wife's by a women's table standing on the left of the rebbitson and she's looking at me and I'm looking at her and she's very pregnant and she needs to drink [snorts] so the rebby gets this cup filled with wine he's 6'4 with a gigantic head. A gigantic head. And he says the word bar. And his his head turned like his face turned out like a tomato. I thought it was going to pop off his head shaking. There's almost no wine left in his cup for the word. And here's the amazing thing is he didn't know what the next word was. You understand that? that your mouth naturally knows the next word is ata. But this is rash shana where God's recreating the world. In fact, the Rebi said that on on yiv day, you have to eat something you don't like. So if you don't like, I don't know, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, whatever it is, asparagus, he says you have to eat it. You can spit it out. it. You can spit it out, but you have to eat it because if you don't eat it, then you're saying basically the stuff you didn't like last year. I mean, it's not a new year. It's like you have to at least taste it to see if maybe now you like it. Because for you to say you don't like it from last year is a direct conflict with the fact that God's renewing creation. So, he didn't know what the next word was. And we went through a couple minutes of bar and we're only getting a he doesn't know what the word is. So his son refilled the cup and the rebi motioned to the bookshelf to pull out his sitter and he gets the sitter and the and his son points to the word ata. Ata was was explosive was explosive. And don't forget ata is the holiest name of god. You call god in every braha. You call him four names. Ata, Hashem, Elocu, and Melik. Those are the we get we have for Hashem in Abra. And the the holiest of all those names is is you. Cuz think about that word you. What is the word you? You is essence. You is the essence. Like for example, uh what's your name, sir? First name? >> Logan. >> Logan. Cool. Don't get to meet a Logan every day. How you doing, Logan? >> Um, so if I said to Logan, would Logan like a cup of water? That'd be a little weird. But I when I say, "Would you like a cup of water?" Or, "How are you?" And you start thinking about what the word you means. It's not so simple. It's not so simple. It's amazing we even have that word because I know there's not a man in this room who would get up here and tell us all who you are. and I get to stand on the side and pick it apart. You know, I get to deconstruct it. How easy would it be to dis deconstruct your your identity and be like plush it? And so we have this incredible word called you, which just talks straight to the essence. And by the way, the cobists say the word you is. You know, in Spanish, you don't say you to your elders. You call them. It's a different language. It's a language of cavode in Hebrew. You call God you second person. Who do you think you are? Now it turns out the answer is is that you said the word. Well, the word is from the word ner is and comes comes after. And as you know in when you say you lower the stature you're lowering yourself before God. In other words, you're lowering the ego. And when you lower the ego, when you lower your stature, what comes up is the soul. And what is the soul? You. What? Who are you? That's your soul. Who is that? That's you, the soul. Well, you and God. Because your souls is a contemporary of God. And so, you're allowed to call him second person. When judges are playing tennis together after after a day in court, they don't say, "Would your honor serve the ball, they say it's your serve." And so bor is the key to the door of being able to call God. You have you guys ever heard the ambi say the word ata? It's worth checking it out on YouTube. Okay, it's something like this. I'm a little dry right now. I just came from the schvitz, by the way. [snorts] Everything's smooth. He gets to ata and it's like check it out on YouTube later am not option whether listen to him or not. So, okay. His next word is at right. So it goes like this to and he's not a stutterer. He's not stuttering. You know what he's doing? He's making sure that he doesn't have something in mind. But he It's hard. How do you How do you How do you refer to God and not have something in mind? But you you when you say at that's the highest thing you call Hashem. It's his essence. The other names of God, those are verbs. Those are how God relates to creation. The word ata is essence. It's your essence. It's his essence. Now, here's the kasha. Ready for the kasha? If God's creating the world brand new, why is Yom Kipper 10 days later? Why do we have to go into a new year, a brand new world with soiled garments from the past? Put yum kipper before before Russ. Let us clean off before and then do it. And we've got El spend El cleaning off to go into Russash and make the day the last day of Elo and then go into Russash. But there's a reason why it's set up this way. Hashem knew what he was doing. You know why? Because human beings fall asleep. We're all deeply asleep. Human beings go to sleep. And that chauffeur blast That's the wake up. And we mention goddess king over and over and over again. Melik melik and the teas are to wake up and hopefully by the end of two days of a venom volcano volcano and and the chauffeur blast hopefully you woke up. But here's the thing. There's a principle of expansion and contraction. Expansion and contraction. And when you expand into the melik, when you expand into Hashem, you're going to contract. And what happens is you contract into where have I been? [snorts] Where have I been? You see, as much as you work on Lol, you can't get clarity over where you've been till now. But when you have total clarity of the mel then you then you can work on things. You know if a guy goes to Vegas for a week and he realizes when he arrives in Vegas that he didn't tell his wife that he was going to Vegas for business conventions. when he gets back to New York, he's going to find the bedroom locked and on the couch is going to be, you know, a blanket and a pillow. You know, you're in the doghouse. And when is he finally going to get back to the master bedroom is when he can articulate, meaning when he gets the clarity of his marriage, of what what his commitment is. And then he can finally articulate to her like, "Where was I that I could make a a business trip for several days without even telling you?" But on the day he made that business trip without telling her, that was the level of the relationship. And it was only afterwards when he gets the clarity and he can articulate where their relationship was is the bedroom door finally unlocked. And so do we can't really articulate where we've been because we go numb. We forget. It's easy not to sin before between rash and kipper. And it's easy not to sin after yum kipper for a while. It's brought down as far that the khan lights are to reignite what you committed to on rash. It's a renition of it. But now we're on the full other end of the year. Hard to remember exactly. Hard to remember the loss of clarity, you know, meaning we have a loss of clarity. Now it's hard to remember where we've been. And so rash is a two-day reckoning to wake us up so that we can make a proper and be able to articulate where we've been so that we can come back. Now when we get to Yum Kipper, what do we punch? We take our fist and where do we punch? We punch the heart. On rush on yum kiper, we punch the heart. Does it make sense we punch the heart? If you stole, why don't you punch your hand? If he spoke lush and har, why don't you punch your mouth? If you looked at the wrong things, why don't you punch your eyes? If you if you're if you if you listen to lash, why don't you punch your ears? Why are we punching our heart? Because the heart, if I asked you guys to point yourselves, I won't point here. And this is where the human being points. when he points to himself up and that's the being of the person. Now I want to teach you all an incredible lesson. It's very easy to get cynical about your commitments on rash and yum kra. It's very easy to get cynical about that. Why? Because you've done it before. People with higher IQs come in on Rashashana, you know, 20 the 29th of Eller, they're like, "Oh my gosh, like please, Hashem, we need a new year." And then they get in on rash and they're all ready. Except when the prayers start, they start to realize, "Didn't I do this last year and I just had a total rerun of a year? I made all these commitments and then I fell back again." So, and then they lose all the kohak for rash shana and yum kiper and then they just have to sit there and sh and wait for the meals because if you just had a rerun year from the previous rash shana so who do you think you are asking for a new year but I want to explain to you the mistake that's made in chuva and it's easy to make it too because when you look at all the alt If you look at all those, it's it's all the things you did or if you didn't do them, Claudius did them. That's why we say it in plural cuz if you didn't do it, someone else did. We're doing chuba for everybody. But it's stuff you did. But what's the heart? The heart is you. That's the you. That's your essence. That is who did it. Now, I have guys come up to me. They say, "Rabbi, should I quit smoking? And I say to him, first let's talk about who's smoking, then we can talk about smoking. Because if you only focus on the external doing without focusing on the guy who would put his mouth up to an exhaust pipe. So then we're just wasting our time because because those cigarettes are serving somebody and the lazy guy is being served by that laziness as I spoke about earlier as a server that it prevents you from having to fail if you're lazy because you never did anything. And the guy who's being the overachiever, it's serving him. And the workaholic's being served by being a workaholic. But it's all doing. You see, you exist in two dimensions. You exist in a mention of doing. And you exist in the dimension of being. Right now, you're all sitting and listening. And I'm standing and talking. That's what I'm doing. You can video doing. Can you video being? Can I video your being? Does that show up on film? And your being is who you actually are. Everyone answer with the word yes. You ready? Let's hear one a yes first. Yes. >> Just get your lips moving, guys. Put the oil. Yeah. Yes. >> Okay. I have a question. Are you aware that you're sitting in this room right now? >> Yes. >> Are you aware that you're aware? >> Yes. >> Yes. Okay. What is that? >> Don't answer it. Yes. [laughter] It's like a brainwashed cult here. >> It's the yes man cult. >> Yes. >> What? So we'll do one more. Yes. Are you aware that you're aware? >> Yes. >> What is that? >> And the answer is that is your conscious being. It's your conscious being. you know that you're conscious being that you're conscious right now and aware of this moment right now while I'm speaking to you. Do you realize that that's the second biggest kasha for the you know intellectual academic atheists? You understand the academic atheist their second biggest kasha is conscious awareness because it's not in an MRI does not show up in a brain scan. It does not take up any physical space yet it somehow hangs around you. Did you guys know that when you make a blessing after the bathroom you say and he acts wondrously? You know if you click on those words you know where it takes you it takes you to the fact that your soul which is completely non-physical hangs around your body that he acts wondrously is that your soul pella which is a pella cuz it's not something from this world tea is nature pella is wonder beyond nature and you have doing, [clears throat] but you also have being. There's a lot of people ride a bike. A lot of people can swim 100 yards, 100, you know, the 100 meter. But an Olympic athlete has doing and being put together. You know, a lot of people know a lot of law, but they can't necessarily be the president of the United States because there's some being with the doing going on there. There's being and there's doing what I'm doing right now is I'm speaking. But who I'm being has a lot of adjectives and I can tell you in my own journey those adjectives were created in the last 25 years most of them because in 2001 the things I would say about myself were pretty rough. You see you think 60,000 thoughts a day. That's 3,500 thoughts an hour. and you are your worst enemy. If you had a if you walked out of the house with a megaphone on your head that's like blaring out what you say about yourself, oh my gosh, you'd find the nearest basement and put your head under a blank and like get these things off of me. And I can give you a list of adjectives. It's list of adjectives like uh unworthy, unwanted, not good enough, not as good as, fill in the blank, stupid, ugly, small, weak, worthless, lost, helpless, hopeless, incapable, incompetent, unlovable. unacceptable, invisible, unliked, bad, and I could just keep going. That that was a short list. But this is the way human beings walk around talking to themselves. That's the selft talk of most people. And now listen carefully. There's going to be important and very subtle point is that when you're a little kid developing all these adjectives cuz when you're when you were 2 years old, you had no identity. You were absolutely pure. That's why everyone's so attracted to to toddlers. If a toddler walked in this room, forget this talk. Every eye in this room would just watch that little guy. And then when you'd start walking around the room, everyone be like, "Come to me." You know, you just want to hold them. Everyone wants to hear you speak. Everyone wants you around. Everyone wants to connect. But that kid got covered over. If my If my AirPods are that beautiful child, that nish that you that's your essence. If that little kid that's your little kid and he's inside of you and this is all the negative selft talk this is no no no good not good enough not enough unwanted now everything I'm saying all those adjectives are those doing or being which one doing or being unwanted I am if it's an I am is it a doing or a being >> I I am unwanted. I am unliked. I am ugly. I am stupid. I'm an armor. I'm a Russia. I'm incapable. I'm unloved. Doing or being? Which one are those? Doing or being? >> It's all being. The whole thing's being. And so, what did you do when you were a little kid? You said to yourself, "Hey, you know, I could just start telling jokes. I could just be the class clown. I'll just be funny. I'll just be funny. I'll be the funny guy in class." Tell me, doing or being? >> A guy telling jokes. Is Can you video that? >> 100%. So, is that doing or being? >> That's doing. He's the funny guy. Hey, over there's the overachiever. Hey, there's the masmid. Hey, there's the tadic. There's the mach. All of those are doing. But when you were a little kid, and even as an adult, unfortunately, you never made a distinction between doing and being. So, you got all the negative statements of being, and then what do you do? You take all the doings that would perfectly cover them up, and you blurred doing and being. And ever since then, you're just like, I'm the guy or I'm the shy guy. I'm the overachiever or I'm the I'm the chill guy getting nothing done. I'm the workaholic or I'm the bum. I'm independent or I'm dependent. Constantly looking for my father in these rabbis. And so it's doing and being getting blurred and then you got to do and do and do and do. But let's go to the hamster wheel cuz when you're a little kid, you got you started the hamster wheel walk and guess what's written on the wheel? What's written on the wheel are all those negative beliefs about yourself. And so you're walking on your wheel and you're like, "Yo, whoa, yo." But then what you notice if you can start to run with the doing, right? What's running? What's running? Doing or being? >> And start running. And guess what? all those negative statements of being start to kind of blur. Hey, they start to look pretty cool. Hey, you know, he's uh he's uh you know, he's he's surfing. Show that to the Tory time world. He's a surfer. And then you're just moving. Except what? What happens when you run on a hamster wheel for a couple years straight? Get tired. >> Start getting tired. So after a while, you're like, "Whoa, I'm getting tired." And then you start to slow down a little bit. Slow down. Slow down. Slow down. Then guess what happens when you go slow enough, what do you see? >> The being, the negative belief beings, all those words. And so better get back moving. And what we're talking about is the fountain of youth because God's creating this world perpetually at all times. He's creating this world. He's creating the entire creation right here, right now. And we're getting totally exhausted trying to do being. It's like, how do you do being? But somehow we've pulled it off. you know, we do being and then we just get more and more exhausted. But if you can separate doing and being and instead of doing chuver for what you did because that list of all for food and drink. What is eating and drinking? Doing or being? >> But when you hit your heart, what is that being? You see, if you beat your chest for what you did, if you do chuva for what you did last year, you're going to be doing it doing it again in four or five weeks. Why? Because the doing that you do is protecting you from the negative statements of being. It's serving you. You don't want to take that away. And that's why couple weeks after you don't career, it's back. That's why it's so hard to quit smoking. It's why it's so hard to get exercising. It's why it's so hard to stop being shy and socially socially anxious because the doing was set up to protect us. And when it comes to the holy stuff we do like being the masid or being the sadic or being the mahm or being the mitzvah guy, you should know that there that it says in cif kabala there's no for that. You could learn shas 10 times die go upstairs expecting a big parade and there's only the echo of your voice. There's nothing there. Especially Torah. Especially Torah because Torah is the most sensitive. It has to be Lashma. But if my entire relationship to Torah, if my entire relationship to mitzvot, if my entire relationship to chuva is just covering up the negative statements of being, and now I'm there's nothing up there. You know why? Cuz we call it the emis. And only the things you did be the things you do be what you get in the world of emis. What you do emis is what you get in the world of emis. But if what you do is just a cover up for a bunch of that is a direct contradiction to kumspacius that says you are created in the image of God. You're Belle. If I could hook jumper cables up to I don't know what's your name. Putting your hand on your head. First name. >> If I could hook jumper cables up to your earlobes, YaKob, we could power all of New York State. But you have to believe that because you're created by sell. I imagine most of the people in here keep Shabas. Why? Because you believe the Torah is true. I imagine most of the people keep kosher. Why? Because the Torah is true. I imagine most of the men in here put on filling. Why? Because the Torah is true. Well, isn't it the same Torah that says you're awesome? Isn't the same Torah. And what is that awesomeness? That's the being. And you can't deny it's there. Are you aware you're aware right now? Yes or no? >> What is that awareness? >> It's not physical. comes from the spirit world. It comes from Hashem. It's the It's the It is pure. That's you. That's who you are. And you have to raise a white flag of surrender between what you've been saying about yourself versus who God made you to be. You have to surrender the negative self-t talk. And unfortunately, as I said, we're all asleep. Nobody even knows they're doing this. Nobody even knows this. That's the whole problem. Everyone's sleepwalking. We're all like fish in an aquarium. You know, if you could interview a fish in an in an aquarium, could he describe water? He can't describe water. He's so in it, he can't see it. And that's you. You got doing and being blurred. And now you're that guy, the funny guy, the lazy guy, the shy guy, the holy guy, the this guy, the that guy. And you're playing that game and you can't see it. And it gets harder if you get paid for it. Seriously. And why do you think rock stars choke on their own vomit at 3:00 in the morning, a quarter mile away from a place that 30,000 people were clapping for them? It was because they had some like explosive doing. whatever it was, their looks, their voice, their guitar playing, I don't know what what they got good at, but if you check out those people who never seem to live be beyond 40, if you check out their upbringing, they usually come from a pretty troubled past. Things were rough over there. But boy, could they sing but it explodes later and for all of us it explodes in the next world because it's not MS. The doing is not emisdic. The doing is a cover up. It's not real. And then there's no ol for someone who is fast asleep covering up. That is in a a direct contradiction to the celim that God created you to be, which is your conscious awareness that we're all aware of. Yes or no? >> Yes. You're totally aware of it and it's timeless. Never gets tired. Never gets tired. You'll never see me tired. I'll teach sometimes 11 hours, 12 hours on my feet throughout the day. go to shabas and teach 10 sharim and then Sunday start again with 11 12 hours a day and I'll do that I've done it for years and years and years and years and years and years because once you separate doing and being and you get the first of all just get it away because it's not being and then you clean out the garbage being which led to all the doing. You clean it out. What's called tishuva. See, all of you have been thinking of tishuva as doing tshoua for what you >> did. But you want real chuva. You want real tishuva? Do touva for who you were that did it. But it's not chuva. It's not chuvon of vert necessarily. It's not chuvon sins. It's chuvon the whole thing. And let's go a little deeper. And what's a little deeper? How it impacts people. I'm going to ask you guys to be real honest. Real honest right now. And I know that no one's committed to confidentiality or anything in this room, but the camera can't see you. But I'd like a showing of hands of the men in this room who are short, I'll say it nicely, are shorter than they should be when they speak to their shorter on the phone or in person even than they should be while talking to their father. Raise your hand. Be honest. You're shorter than you should be. Okay, about half the people. The other half were lying. [laughter] Just kidding. But I can tell you that for 18 years of my life, every phone call with my father was something like this. Hello. Oh, Dad. Yeah, that's bad timing. I can't speak right now. Yeah, I'm going to Min. Yeah, I know. It's 11:30. >> [laughter] >> I got to go. I'll I'll try to call you try to call you later. Sorry. Bye. Because as you start getting more in tune to what I'm saying, you start to realize that you're doing is an overinflated balloon. Like you ever had an overinflated balloon? You know, like it was supposed to be this big, but you made it like that big. And you're like being so careful with it cuz it's like anything could. You're an overinflated balloon in a cactus store. I'm adding a new dimension to this is that you're not living in a vacuum. You're living in a world with a father and a mother and rabbam and and and and like random people around and your finances and every little single thing can be another trigger. For example, your father who wiped your nose for 14 years will always be your nose wiper. I don't [snorts] care if you're the president of a bank. When you'll be with your father, you're a 9-year-old kid. Now, how long do you spend on the phone with someone who makes you feel like you're nine? How long you spend on the phone? Not very long. [snorts] And you heard the words I said. How long you going to spend with someone who makes you feel like you're 9 years old? Right? You hear the question? Except what? When you point your finger at someone like your father, even if you tell it to a therapist and they sign that he's, yeah, he's tough, judgmental, cuz you're paying them 250, 300 bucks. When you point your finger at someone, at one of those cactus pricks, when you point your finger there, where are the other P fingers pointing at? >> Yeah. Everyone say, "Right back at you." >> Right back. >> When you point your finger at somebody or at some thing, where are the other fingers pointing? >> So, I said, "He makes me feel like I'm 9 years old." So, I'm to get off the phone. Does my father make me feel like I'm 9 years old? Yes or no? >> No. Who makes me feel like I'm 9 years old? while my father gives his advice which is always financial. Yeah, it's me. Who? I mean, there's one to three. Okay, he could have actually, you know, studied Missis Yumpt of Glazer, you know, meaning he had a kid named Yumpt. He could have studied me, you know, but you know, I was more of a Kirkland kid, you know, he had four boys. The kids, okay, Kirkland kid, he's still he's 96 years old. He should be well. He still has no idea who I am. You know, anywhere he goes, you know, they're like, "Mr. Glazer, the doctor will see you now." And the people in waiting room are like, "Are you Yoto Glazer's father?" And he's like, "I am." And they're like, "He changed my life." You know, then people cry cry to he has no idea why. He's like, "Yeah, good luck." you know. So, yeah, he could have like gotten to know me better, but that's one finger. Where are the other three pointing right back at you? Full responsibility, full full accountability. We're not pointing our fingers at anything. How many of us are living in constant excuses for why we're not doing this that or the other when really deep down the reason is is because that's one of the cactus points pack cactus needles near my balloon. And so all of a sudden it's like it's like I I relate to them that way and I'll relate to them that way and I relate to that that way and I relate to money that way and I relate to my health that way and I'm I'm just like I'm just like trying to stay away from all the cactus. That's also exhausting. [sighs] Touva is much deeper than you realize. Has very little to do with what you did. You got to stop doing what you did. And the Rambam teaches the four steps of Chuva. Okay? You got to stop doing what you've been doing. Stop. You got to say it. Three, you got to regret it. And four, you got to commit to the future. Stop, say, regret, commit. Try that. Stop, say, regret, commit. Together. Stop, say, regret, commit. Let's go. Stop, say, regret, commit. Stop, say, regret, commit. Okay, four steps of chewing the Rambo. Step one, stop what you're doing. Step two, you got to tell Hashem what you did. The vidy pay, you got to say it. But the regret now we're in the bean. Now we're in the bean. Why? Because what's regret? What's the textbook? What is the dictionary definition of the word regret? >> Is that if I had the clarity then that I do now. Meaning remember what's rashana? Clarity day. It's the clarity of what we're doing here. If I had the clarity then that I do now, I would never have done it. If the guy had the clarity before he flew to Vegas, if he had the clarity of his marriage, of what she means to him, he could never go on a business trip without telling her. That's regret. You have to be able to articulate it. You have to have full clarity. [clears throat] And for us in the being of the al of being is that if I had the clarity then that I'm that I'm awesome. I'm a powerhouse. Everyone say those words. I'm awesome. I'm awesome. >> I'm a powerhouse. >> Say it louder. I'm awesome. >> I'm awesome. >> I'm a powerhouse. >> But Elohim. >> Hashem chiseled your face. You say, I'm beautiful. >> Beautiful. >> He made only one of you. One of you. Say, "I'm one of a kind. >> I'm a gift from God." >> God. God's orchestrating your entire life around you as if you're the only person on the planet. And whisper, "I'm loved." >> Did God want you here? >> Yes. >> Whisper, "I'm wanted." >> God gave you a soul. Automatically, you're holy. Whisper, "I'm holy." >> He gave you access to the Torah with your brain. And everyone has a portion of the Torah. Everyone has a in the Torah. Yeah. And so, I'm a bent. Say it. Amen. >> And he gave you the ability to dive in and serve him with your mitzvah and say, "I'm >> And he brought you here for a reason, which means I'm important." Say it. >> And he gave you the ability to fulfill that. And whisper, "I'm uniquely capable." >> And he gave you the brains to figure out how to fulfill the mission you were brought here for. and whisper, "I'm uniquely brilliant." >> Brilliant. >> Tell me, was all that true or false? >> True. >> And was all And and would you also agree that all of the things I just said are lauk the opposite of much of what you say throughout your 60,000 thoughts a day? >> Yeah. And are those 60,000 thoughts a day, not that all 60,000 are negative thoughts, but of those percentage of negative thoughts, are any of them true? None of them are true. And now we're going to take this a little step. Not probably not. They're not true. Who's a troublemaker over there? That's doing. And so we'll take it just a step deeper is what's it like to be my father when I'm getting off the phone in a matter of 30 seconds for 18 years. What's the impact and what happens with my mitzvah kibav? What's the impact on my wife when it's more important to me to public speak around the world for Asia Tyra [clears throat] than come home for dinner? I'll never forget when my son came home, 6 years old, big cardboard box. He comes in the house. He puts down the big cardboard box on the floor. Very exciting. Opens up the box and inside the box is a digital safe. And I was thinking 6 years old, the big digital safe. And he says, "Tati, can you help me put this up in my room?" But, you know, enough years of Tati saying he'll take you for ice cream or he'll pick you up from here or he's going to take you to there or and he doesn't show up because he's too busy running around trying to be the guy by doing the concert or the class. After a while, the boy starts to get his own beliefs, which is in this case un what did he buy? >> Which is unsafe. And so now my kid feels unsafe. Like what's going on here? My father's having me cut off from the cut cut him off for 18 years. And then what's the doing of my son? What was this doing? Let's see how good you guys are getting at this. What was my son's doing? >> Which means what is it? What is a safe? >> Security money. >> Security. >> I'll make it real clear. I'll take care of myself from now on. And of all my kids, my kids, you know how sister old dick we are? We're like crazy sister old people. were extreme kazal zionists. You know what kazal zionists are? People who who when you go through shas you see mimer after mimer after mime kazal about the about the awesomeness of cuz we we weren't raised with anything but that. I mean I wasn't raised for him. So everything I know about Israel comes from Khazal. And I raised my kids crazy about Eritis. Except I got one kid who's in finance and he lives in Brooklyn. And when I was dancing with him, you know, in at his Brooklyn wedding with Barry Weber singing and and we're dancing a sim and everyone at the wedding hall loves the fact that the has more than more money than both Mhanim put together and only I had that pain in my heart knowing that I caused all that where we're at right now. I just took you into the next step here. We had a step of being. We covering up the being with doing, but now we have the impact it's having on you obviously, but it's your father. You got one chance with him and you never know when he's going to go. your mother, siblings. My younger brother had the coolest older brother that any younger brother could ever dream of. I was like the mayor of Los Angeles. As a little kid, I was the Pied Piper. His brother was the lead singer, lead guitar player of a band. I taught myself to drive when I was 12. By the time I was 14, I was racing cars. [clears throat] Can you imagine being the little brother? I was the authority. Except when the authority says to you, "Stay away from me. Stay away from my parties. Stay away from my friends. Go back to the television room where you belong, cuz you're a loser. And I wished he punched me in the nose right there. He should have flattened me even though I was twice his size. I wished he flattened me. But you know what he did? Turned around, went back to the television room, never came out. It's 56 years old now. See the step I'm moving into now, the stage I'm moving into now is the impact it has when you're not living with full integrity of the telamelo. Because when you have negative beliefs about yourself and you cover them up with doing, you go blind for how you're impacting others. You're blind to what your wife's going through. You're blind to what your kids are dealing with. You're blind to what you did to your little brother. You don't see it. You're just doing and doing and doing. Do do and till it there's doodoo everywhere. And when they put on your You don't have to put on your tombstone when you die. Done. And your family will be like, "That was heavy. That's the impact on you. It's exhausting. How long can you run on that hamster wheel? How long can you have a fake chuva on yum kipper and five weeks later you're right back to what you were doing in the beginning because that doing was serving you. Because if your center has been stolen by negative beliefs, by negative negative selft talk, and then you do and do and do and do and do and do until there's doodoo everywhere and you're blind to the impact it's having on others as if you live in a vacuum. You don't live in a vacuum. You're affecting everybody, especially your loved ones. If you're a community leader, you're you're way stinkier. I can tell you I was I was, you know, I was at the the very high height as a rabbi, as a curu rabbi, plus playing like massive concerts. And in your shalime every year of Shabas for like I don't know how many years I had 500 people overlooking the Kotto for what we called the beauty of Shabas concert that I would play. Not to mention being hired for concerts everywhere and then teaching Shirim all around the world. But I'm going to ask you guys a question. When I played that concert, was I giving a concert or taking? Which one? Well, let's go into it real quick. Saw myself as unacceptable. I mean, this I know there's a bald chuva yeshiva, but I'll tell you something. I if you're baluva, you were raised by women. After World War II, there were no men. They either died or they're off at war or whatever. The the school teachers became female. And with the industrial revolution, instead of spending your whole day with your father learning whatever he's his trade was, whether it was farming, shoe making, leather, your father's been locked away in some building in a cubicle while you're with your mommy learning to please a female and then please females throughout your day with all your school teachers. And you know what I'm talking about because your teachers were all females. And then you start judging yourself because you're not a female. And then all of a sudden the females become your judge. And the answer is you're unacceptable. You're unacceptable. Why? Because you're a man. You're not a you're not a little girl. You're a boy. But boys are crazy. Boys are crazy. And they let you know real fast if you were going to actually be a boy, you got it on the head. And unacceptable becomes unacceptable. And the whole 50% of the world population is your judge. And so I had that big time. Had that big time. And and not to mention my father's an absolute sports fanatic. He's a post-war high school dropout hustler. You know, see in the dictionary, Donald Trump. And we're being told to look at the cheerleaders. And all I'm seeing is these insane judges. Each one of them was like a was like a scorpion with lipstick. And the stinger just went right through me. I'm 5 years old. He's probably talking to my older brother. He wasn't talking to me, but I heard it cuz you know it's you couldn't miss a game. four boys with their sports fanatic father in our 25- foot Cadillac every single game. 50 yard line behind home home plate Dodger Stadium right behind Laker bench on we're probably on TV every week cuz right above the the Laker bench is us watch the Laker girls and you look away for a second it's the most powerful men in the world are powerless to women look at Trump is hush money in the trouble. And here's my Trump father. Look at the girls. But I'm five. Unacceptable. Cruel. Guitar player. Surfer. skater, smoker, beer drinker, race car driver. Do doing hero rabbi makes you want to puke. Makes you want to puke. and the impacts. And now I'm going to ask you a question. When I was playing a concert, was I giving or taking? Which one? >> 100%. They're going to accept me here and they're going to accept me there and when I was teaching Torah class around the world or even my gamora shar was I giving or taking? >> 100% taking. And tell me how much of a shear do you get from a rebi who's giving a shear while taking? >> How much you get? you get something. And if you think about your favorite I mean a lot of the rabbis here were raised from so think who your favorite rebies were when you were a kid. Think of who your favorite rebies were. You know what were they doing? They were giving or taking? Which one? They were giving. I've asked this to thousands of people raised for him. Think of your favorite rebies. What were they doing? They were giving because when a Reb is given, you receive. And like I said, if you're a Torah leader and you haven't done your work, you're taking and you're going to show up to Mahaba. Now what I just want to mention everyone that if you learn Torah lashma, if you learn Torah lashma, all the Torah that you learned is not gone. It waits in a little little storehouse. And all you got to do, you ready for this? All you got to do is review your learning lma. So if you learned mis kubas lishma several times throughout your yeshiva career and you always learning lishma because you're going to be the masmi and you're going to be the you know the it just goes into the storehouse and all you got to do is review casulas you got to review the of do it privately. Do it. No one needs to see you. Make the seum maybe with your family. Just go through your learning again. Thema and you know what it does? It takes the entire storehouse and just shoots it up to the alamas. You just got to review it. Just got to go over it again. I came here to talk about chuva. Probably most of you never heard of chu chu chuva shure like this before. But I'd like you to have a powerful life. I want you to have a beautiful life. I want that when you walk in the room, you're a magnet. Cuz the beautiful child in you, that beautiful child has been theas, the barriers that covered it up with the negative statements of being and the negative statements of doing a double that you remove it. Separate doing and being. They're not the same thing. Separate them. The negative statements in being, it's forbidden to speak that way about somebody. Can imagine you go to a Shabas table and someone says, "Hey, what do you think about Yankee Gman?" And you're like, "Oh, Yankee Grossman. Unlovable loser. Unwanted, unworthy, ugly, stupid, incapable. weak, lost, worthless, helpless, hopeless. What would everyone at the Shabas table do? They'd be like, "How could you say that about somebody?" What is that called to lie about someone's character? >> Mozy shamro. It's a major infraction. You have to be female to do that. I'm always thinking when they're doing the nine days the women's go to all their lush and harim stop it already like we got it don't speak badly you know but they never go into the mozi shamra which is the biggest thing shamra character assassination I wish I could somehow affect the world that the that the women would have serious workshops what it means to to destroy a person based on hearsay. And I know a couple rabam that could use a little work on that too, you know, believing hearsay and then destroying someone's whole career or whatever, destroying them in the community. You can't speak most. You can't speak disparaging. You can't speak disparagingly about people. And if you can't speak disparagingly about people, Torah commandment, you can't speak disparagingly about >> yourself. Which means you got to do chuba, not choo doing, chuin me. Someone who does chuva for what they did are just going to do it again. But if you do chuva for who did it, it's going to be a new year. Thank you very much. Go ahead. [applause] I know that was kind of heavy. [clears throat] [laughter] It's Hello, man. What do you want from me? You know, I go on to YouTube, you'll see all my light classes there. I got plenty of light classes. You know, you're catching me in hell. You know, you're you're asking for trouble. Yeah. Um, so guys, before we finish, if you can stop crinkling that bag, you'd be a miracle for me. Um, I just want, um, do we have any, uh, any ability to hit the lights around here? Um, just a little on me for the camera, but [music] >> can hit as many lights possible. Guys, everyone stay in your seats just for a second. I'm going to lead you in a little meditation and then we'll uh we'll go kumzit style >> there. That's perfect. All right, guys. Sit just for this song's 3 minutes. It's like a short song. question. [music] You know, your son uh helped me [music] move into my dear Envas. I mean we he he and some he was [music] in charge but slept frid refrigerators >> beds mama [music] saved us >> yeah [music] all right guys um what I'm going to ask you to do is to um nothing like teaching a class with the door in the midra you >> [music] [music] >> So, what I'd like like you all to do is to close your eyes [music] and your eyes are open. Really close your eyes. I'm going to keep mine open just for the camera, but I'm not staring at you, I promise. And um if you crossed your fingers, that's just a nervous thing. So, release your hands. And u and as you release your hands, you can have your hands resting on your legs. That's fine. But but twist twist your wrists so that the at least your palms are up. And now close your eyes. I see people have their eyes open. Close your eyes. And just [music] breathe. Just breathing. Just take some [music] deep breaths. Hold your breath a minute when you when you breathe in and then release it. We can breathe together [music] for a moment. Everyone blow out all your air. And now inhale through your nose for four. One 2 3 4. >> [music] >> And hold your breath for 12. 2 3 4. Maybe we'll [music] do eight for the first time. 7 8 release for eight. 1 2 [music] 3 4 5 6 7 8. Inhale. 1 2 [music] 3 4. Holding your breath for 12. Eyes up. [music] meaning let your eyes your eyes are closed but you're letting them run up towards your [music] eyebrows. Exhale slowly [music] inhale deeply 2 [music] 3 4. Holding your breath for 12. Letting your eyes rise up towards that [music] muck filling. 9 10 [music] 11 12 exhaling. Slowly exhaling [music] until there's no more air in your body. When you're empty of air, you can hold your breath for [music] a moment. When you feel like you got to breathe, go ahead and just start breathing normal breath. [music] And now just breathing normally and see [music] the beautiful child that you were when you were 2 years old standing in front of you. [music] And now [music] let him jump up into your arms and in your mind's eye wrap your arms around him. [music] And that's your beautiful child. That's the representation of your nishuma. [music] But that was your greatest asset. That was when you were [music] you know able to love fully, trust fully, share fully. You were full of energy. You didn't need to eat, [music] drink. They had to trick you to get food in your body. Didn't need to sleep. You passed out. You had full [music] self-expression. And you were not wondering what anyone thought when you spoke and you had full spectrum emotion. You [music] actually cried when you were sad and it would wash you clean and then you were happy which is the secret to happiness. [music] But when you were 3, 3 and 1/2, 4 years old, you became self-aware. [music] stopped using your name and you started saying I because you became self-aware and you didn't like what you saw because because before you were just pure being but when you looked around the world everyone was doing and this guy was a doctor and that one was Hutah [music] that one was a lawyer [music] businessman and you started to copy paste from your father, your mother, older siblings, [music] older kids in school, and everyone was a somebody. But it was all based on doing. [music] And things went wrong obviously cuz you know, you didn't get picked for this or that or you answered the wrong [music] question or you run the wrong page or something embarrassing happened. And now close your right fist. [music] and put inside your right fist one of your negative beliefs that you [music] developed about yourself. Might have been something like stupid or unwanted or unworthy, [music] unlovable, incapable, dumb, small or weak, unacceptable or invisible. [music] And now close your left fist [music] and put inside your left fist. Whatever you chose to do or not do to cover [music] that up. Did you become the funny guy, the smart guy, the overachiever? That would all be fight [music] in your nervous system. That would be the fight mode. to be the most popular person, the overachiever. [music] And then there's the flight. Did you become private, not trusting? [music] Stop sharing of yourself. Become the lazy guy, the procrastinator, [music] the chiller. [music] Did you push it off as or write it off as bet? [music] And now here you are sitting [music] in this meditation with both fists tight. The very opposite of being [music] open and free. And that beautiful child's crying in your arms. And you can tell [music] them, whisper to him with your own lips, it's okay to cry. Whisper, it's okay to cry. I'm sorry I dropped you. You were my greatest asset. >> [music] >> and I traded you for this. [music] I'm sorry. And now [music] choose one person, preferably a family member, who's been impacted by this. [music] Just get into them. Check out the impact it had on them. [music] What did they start believing about themselves? >> [music] >> And what became their strategy in doing to survive it? You can see them with both fists tight. [music] Whisper the words, [music] "I'm sorry. So sorry. I was [music] just trying to survive. Please forgive [music] me. [music] >> [music] >> Now release your hands, palms open and hold that [music] beautiful child. [music] Get in touch with his heartbeat. Just [music] beating strong. He's been waiting for you. That's your nisha. So pure. [music] Take a smaller [singing] steady. Take a deeper breath. Take a deep breath. Let your motor cool. [music] Slow down to a crop. It's your [music] defenses fall. Feel your soul refuel. Close your right fist. [music] Everything you thought. Close your left fist. All that you believed. Cuz after a while, [music] you start to believe the doing is who you are. Hold it in your hands [singing] and let [music] it go. Open your palms. Nothing left to fear. [music] Open to receive. Setting free the child, the beautiful [music] child in you. Do a little dance. [singing and music] Sing a simple song. Laugh so hard you're crying. [music] Chase a butterfly. [music] Climb a mountain side. Once again you're [music and singing] flying. The person of your dreams [music] is coming into view. Nobody [singing] can take that [music] dream away. Somebody who trusts. [music] Somebody who shares. Someone like the child, [music] the beautiful [singing] child in you. [music] Oh. Oh. [music and singing] [music] [singing] [music and singing] Hold your right fist. everything you thought. Close your [music] left fist. All that you believed, [singing] hold it in your hands and [singing] let it go. Open [music] your palms. Everyone you love want you to achieve. They want to meet the child, [music] the beautiful child in you. [music] A beautiful [singing] child. Yes. [music and singing] [music] [singing] >> [music] >> Yeah. [singing] [music] [singing] Keeping your eyes closed as you hear the numbers 1 through five. At five, you'll open up your eyes holding that beautiful child, staying in touch with this heartbeat. Whisper to him, I'll never let you go. Coming up. One, two, three, four, and opening up your eyes. Five. >> [applause] >> Chuva, it's fun, right? [music] Just do one more song about the soul and then we're going to do full kumzits mode. You guys ready to sing a little bit? >> Sure. >> Yeah. Let's do some kumzits modes. Just [music] one more quickie. Goes like this. [music] >> [music and singing] >> In honor of the tav people, we'll do tavs. Okay. [music and singing] [music] kind [music] of yo [singing] [music and singing] [singing] many [music] >> [music and singing] >> Man, you giving back my soul [singing] [music] to me. You're giving [music] back my soul. [singing] Listen. [music] Keep going. [music] >> [music and singing] >> Kab. [music] >> [singing] [music] >> you got me down [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music] together. You're giving back my soul [singing] [music] to me. To me. Try that together. You're giving back my soul. [music and singing] One more time. You're giving back [music] my soul. [singing] Oh. >> [music] >> You're giving back my soul. Nice. [music] Very nice. >> [music] >> You should [music and singing] kind of on top of [music] [singing] the time [music] with me. [music] [singing] >> [music] [music] >> Love. [singing] [music] [applause] Yeah. >> Okay. Um, should we just keep cuming like this? >> Like just like this. >> Just like this. >> Perfect. >> Well, right on. >> Okay. Let's just move this thing along and maybe lower the camera so I can get in a chair. >> That one's cool. Oh, no. That one. That one. >> Thank you so much. Yeah. Get that out of the way. in the video about >> Sure. Keep going, I guess. Or you want a freshy? >> Whatever you want. >> Yeah, do a freshy for kumzas. >> Do a fresh one for Kumz. >> A separate video. Time to traverse.