Stop TRYING to be happy. Do THIS instead!

[Music] gentlemen welcome to practical spirituality here in the old city of Jerusalem at Asia tour overlooking the Western Wall I think that happiness is a bit of a problem in that it it fools us into thinking that that's the goal because anytime you feel happy it just feels so good that you start to think wow wouldn't it be great to always feel this way and next you know you're making happiness the goal and a lot of people do that and commercials do that marketers do that you know it seems like it seems like the whole world is willing to market happiness and but meanwhile everyone knows if you make happiness the goal you'll spend a lot of your life unhappy because life's not happy it's just not happy you know can you not can you save that for a late comer please so life's just not really that happy if if you were so happy all the time you'd probably be on glue there's no happiness that's consistent like that you know people don't generally for example most people don't wake up happy you know and and and when people are working they're not necessarily experiencing happiness and and so I making happiness the goal is a great way to spend your life waiting for it to happen which maybe after work or maybe after your first cup of coffee or I don't know when happiness hits you but it could be you've been falling into the same trap that most people are and that was and that's making happiness your goal and so get rid of it as a goal it's just a lousy goal and it's not why God created the world and you can create the world for you to be happy if you create the world for you to be happy you would have been like born in a Jacuzzi with a cocktail in your hand or something you know I mean it just would have been a totally different creation but there is something that the world is there is an actual goal and it's worth having and and that and sacrificing for and and even having joy in the sacrifice and what is that that's worth having that's worth sacrificing for that that's greater than happiness a connection to a sham okay that's that's a nice religious answer what truth okay there's a overarching better word for all of this service okay I'm so glad you're all trying this is great right Tora self actualization these are all great ones and every one of them is better than happiness and by the way everything you've said so far if you actually did that you'd probably come out happier in the end spirituality pleasure a store makes play like they really push the pleasure one pleasure principle anyway you'll notice that the thing that really brings you the most happiness and the thing you're willing to sacrifice the most foreign be okay with that sacrifice is and this is gonna sound a little like unexcited and anti-climatic but its meaning meaning you're we are meaning driven organisms and and whatever you find the most meaningful which for some of you have Otis's him some use tire and some use spirituality and some of you sell them buttons only like everything you listed are all things those all fall into one big category called meaning because human beings are organisms that will go for meaning and sacrifice a lot to get it no it's crazy what people will think is meaningful I mean you know just go on you know Instagram newsfeed which I highly don't suggest especially if you're male but going to new Instagram newsfeed and just look at all the things that people think are meaningful and you just be shocked at like how random meaning you know cuz everyone's gonna have something else that they find meaningful but once you find something meaningful a boy will you sacrifice like for example everyone like loves to everyone loves to kind of sensationalize the sport of surfing everyone loves to sensationalize that but you should know what a nightmare is surfing surfing's base of that disaster first of all you can't learn it as an adult no offense to all of you who think you surf you can't learn it as an adult and once I go like this through people in the window they should give this guy come on it from showing them when he is you run a couple seat you can both sit here come over here see sit right next to me table for two your waiter will be right with him just to catch you up what we were talking about ever was brainstorming on what's like what life's all about and what we came up with in the end is that life's all about meaning and all the things you would think life's about it's just what brings you the most meaning so human beings are organisms that feed off meaning now is saying something just before and I can't remember what it was serving yeah so people like sensationalize the sport of surfing but you got to know what a disaster the sport is it's a really bad sport first of all on the elite levels how many people you think in the world are elite surfers of all the people who think they serve 30 whew and it's really hard to learn you got to basically be a little kid to learn it it takes hours and hours and hours but now let's say you became that surfer who can now surf and now you've made that the meeting you know because you serve and that's what's meaningful and then you know what you do you spend like years and years and years chasing after waves you just spend your life chasing after waves it's trying to get two waves that you can surf and it's not so easy because think of the variables involved you got wind direction swell directions you got that there's got to be a swell to begin with that's waves the swell you got a wave frequency you've got crap the crowd like you know what good is it if you all you if you're all good at figuring out where the best way so that means you got a hundred people trying to ride one wave which means you'll be lucky to come out after three hours having ridden too and and that would be a good day and they and it's like and the list just goes on and on and who says not pouring rain you know I been surfing where we're the only respite you had from from biting hail in frozen temperatures in a hood and gloves and booties and you know a five millimeter wetsuit is the only thing only respite your ears have from getting well you're wearing a hood so you're okay with the ears but the only respite you have from getting pelted with frozen hail is inside the tube of the wave where it blocks the hail for a moment and then you're back in the hail again I mean that the sport is hell itself and yet we all love to yet surfers will spend all these years sacrificing spending money traveling all over the world giving up their marriages and their jobs because surfers are famous for being for being the types who avoid responsibilities because they got to go surf and so that it's the number one sport of construction workers in America and unco s'tel areas and of course you know if you're building if you're a builder in California for example or Australia you know that if there are big waves you have no one working that day you know and no one will be there and if it's a good winter all together or a good summer all together you place just never gets built and which gets very costly if you're a builder any other point is is that we make meaning I'm just giving an example of a really stupid thing to make meaningful but if you want stupid ideas of making something meaningful you can just go straight through Instagram newsfeed and see all the other stupid things that people think are meaningful and by the way no offense those watching if you're a Instagram poster and putting inane meaningless things on there you know just my apologies if I've offended you with my intention is never to offend anybody but it is always to wake people up now when you've discovered what's meaningful so now you're willing to sacrifice for it and there's a pleasure even in the sacrifice which is so cool because all of this love is laughs okay happiness which is what the world thinks life's about people even blessed people to be happy and I bless you be happy all the time or you'll get a breast sliver going it's good though me miss him it's the odds missing Hitomi he says it's a great MIT so to be happy all the time it's like what now what maybe what he's saying based on my sheer is that that if you're spend your life developing and sacrificing for the thing you found the most meaning and that meaning is something worth having as opposed to stupid ones but it's actually a meaning worth having like for example connection to the eternal and you you sacrifice for that you work your way towards that well maybe then you have a great Mitzvah to be happy all the time because you've connected yourself to things worth sacrificing for but if you look at your life let me you know I don't know if any of you ever went to university and studied business but let me tell you the most important thing you learn in business school especially in economics is that and here's it's called the law of economy and the laws like this you always trade a lesser good to get a greater good you always trade a lesser good to get a greater good everyone try that say together so you're gonna say law of economy ready 1 2 3 law of economy and now you're gonna say you only trade are less or good to get a greater good try that you only trade a lesser good to get a greater good that's the law of economy and you trade happily unless they're good to get a great let's say for some reason you're a big victim of marketing and you've decided for whatever insane reason to drink Coca Cola okay and oh speaking of which I was thinking I should be I should really start announcing people's products yeah I think the majority of people watch me in Brooklyn and Muncie and Lakewood like I should really be you know people should sponsor classes you know today's give it brought to you by you know Goldstein realtor's in so anyway if you're listening to this maybe you'll be the first time I'll ever do it is I'm gonna you're amazing company you know it's great idea I think yeah a lot of people watching it why not so anyway why we gonna talk about Brooklyn just now no no not about that Oh coca-cola is is if you're if you've gone temporarily insane and decided to lay two bucks down for a coca-cola so what you're you're making a statement with your two dollars you're saying it's worth more or less than that coca-cola more or less less not equal if it's equal that's when you're like and then you looked your right and you see a Coke in a fridge it's cold and you're like oh it's worth it yeah mm and then the coca-cola is ten shot ten dollars but you're thinking hmm I'm in a fancy restaurant here and it's like I got to drink something and I can't look like a total cheapskate you know anyone here dating like I don't hear any men taking girls out on dates no Mindy by the way it is this is couples day in the in the essentials class we've got we've got couples in their 50s how many out we got here who who's never happened before one two three four five six you didn't bring your husband six couples with six couples in their 50s in essentials unprecedented such a situation oh you're the rub from the next search huh amazing that's amazing what are you from NZ alza' don't tell me you're from mine's inna and where are you from you're from NZ my name is Yom Tov yeah well that was it you're just getting a sound bite I'll be in I'm giving a shearing in Muncie for men men only on November I'll give you a little tart men only on November November 23rd Sorry Sorry February and the rabbits in the 24th mag event I think that's the first time he's ever been to a co-ed class he look like he's really suffering anyway but if you had that insanity and bought the coke well the person behind the counter feels the same way as you do he but opposite he's like I'm really glad you feel that way about your $2.00 and about my coke and he hands her the coke so he hands you the coke clearly displaying that that cokes worth less than $2 which makes you you should worry when someone hands you a product if anyone hands for product they're making a very clear statement about that product that's worth less than the amount now there's husband is you know there's accounting because they're paying rent and they're paying electricity and they're providing a service and you got to pay for that but they are happily handing something over and so you got to think about that because you want it to be as fair as possible and this is another reason why it's really important business I'd noticed to use accounting firms for if you have a product that you'd like to sell did I say accounting firms sorry marketing firms why because you're too close to your product you think either too highly of it or too lowly of it so you'll either give it away too cheap or you're gonna over price people you need a market or to look at it and say let me communicate the value to the consumer because you're just gonna do a lousy job communicating the value of this to the consumer and so marketing firms are really important and and it's worth spending the extra money and it's not just a little and welcome back oh no boo sis how big a fish when you guys make who has to come back in you flip the coin they finally decided to flip a coin who's coming back in yeah yeah I should have a marketing firm be my first sponsor anyway anyway but that's it's communicating value so why are we talking about this I thought we were talking about get off of the happiness business get into the meaning business and now all of a sudden we're talking about a long economy in and how you you you'll trade a lesser good for a greater good and the reason is is because human beings are sophisticated in that we don't just we're not koala bears going for Burt eucalyptus leaves but we're but were human beings and human beings don't go for eucalyptus we go for meaning that's what means something to us this is why you don't just eat dessert but you eat desserts in funny colors and and you know all kinds of funky stuff that we call desserts and my girls are dessert chefs they do core makers dessert chef Irie and and you know I'm like very meaning food means nothing to me and I literally is nothing but fuel to me and now of course I play the game eat their desserts and I'm like oh there's amazing you know meanwhile I'm like they hope the food coloring isn't gonna like color my stomach or something and and you know food to me is nothing more than fuel food - my wife is love food - my wife is love period that's love yeah they know how I feel about desserts and they know I'm playing along but whatever they're they're willing to they always make me a little something that I would like which would be like cut fruit salad cut fruit salads I know and anyway but food is love to my wife and that's what she makes meaning at him and she will sacrifice for that she will sacrifice her time and she'll sacrifice effort and she just she'll just put it out there like big time to let us know that we're loved you know last week twice there was a whole meal set up for nobody for nobody just coincidentally like this one I had aerobics and this one had Pilates and this one had this and this one had that and I had something in and so and here she was like I love you and we're just like bye yeah but we had leftovers you know for the next day and stuff this morning was actually hungry and I came out to find her toasting bread and slicing tomatoes and cucumbers and toppling out you know tuna salad and egg salad and I said I hope that's for me it's just like of course it was for me actually but she like she goes out on a limb because preparing food for me without asking me if I'm hungry is like a definitely a good way to have your heart broken and but she lucked out today I actually was really hungry I'd already learned davin that learned I was like and some about learning tire it makes you and so I was I was ready the point is is that we trade a lesser good to get a greater good what's the greatest good meanings the greatest good the stuff that brings meaning in life's the greatest good and will sacrifice any amount and we'll be happy while we sacrifice it and when we get the meaning we're looking for we'll be happy when we have that meaning so what should be the goal happiness or meaning meaning because you know what that does that knocks your your pleasure time and your work time all into the realm of pleasure so into the womb of happy you understand it pushes your your fulfilling whatever it is you wanted and what you had to put out to fulfill it all into the into the realm of the happy now there your happiness can get even higher though and there's there's ways to make your happiness higher and that is this is something that's a whole subject and so it deserves its own hour but it's to move your life into the realm of service when you to realize that I'm here to serve people and then even goes if you run a business and you haven't thought about the fact of your the service you've been thinking only about the money but move your brain to the service you're providing and become someone who's here to serve that is the one of the greatest secrets in having a happy life is to live your life in service you know it's very interesting if you if you look at people some people are really born to serve and some people are born to I don't know what to you know just be dynamic and fun and leader you're leading and funny and you know you know everyone loves to be around them and if if you're the server type and that's in your siblings the like bubbly happy type who's like always like you know making a good time for everybody and having a good time and you sometimes can live your life like Cinderella and feel so jealous that this one's always you know having a good time while you're kind of naturally flow naturally going towards service while your siblings like you know having you know you know mr. or miss happy all the time or I don't want to use her happy but you know the bubbly fun types like the dumb blonde types and in meanwhile you're like busy serving the whole time you don't realize that you're your if you're the server you're laughing your way to the bank because the fun bubbly types who just can't wait for their next experience and that's by the way those are their factory settings just like the server's got factory settings but the ones who are just here to have the next great experience those people have major ups and downs in their well-being we have a lot of Sun on their well-being because not every moment is some amazing experience and because they're they're just always trying to create higher experiences for themselves they find themselves on a crazy roller coaster ride emotionally their lives aren't very stable servers are very stable and they're doing well all the time as we described because the meaning is whether you're whether you're fulfilling it or going towards fulfilling it meaning the work that you sacrifice to get there whereas experiential people really only feel the gush Mac kite of life the joy of life when they're in the experience that they want not a great recipe and the reason I bring this up is so all of us realize that those of us are the experiential types let's get that who are the who are the people that are naturally right everyone's got a ragin you get two choices server or experiential so who are the natural servant server types region for natural server types okay is about half you and who are the natural experiential types okay and about the other half which makes total sense according to personality traits that there are people there's two types of personalities one are called dynamics and the other are called supportive and those two types perfectly laid themselves out in this room as half the room were supportive and half the room or dynamics but the problem is dynamics have rollercoaster rides for their lives and while supportive are quite stable and so what are the what are the dynamics do what are the experiential types do so our job is to flip it all into service flip it into service and I did this in my own life from India I'll just share a little from my own life is that I did this very specifically because I loved experiences and what I chose to do in my life is to give people experiences you'll notice every class you come to I'm giving an experience in my class which is a funny thing to do because most people a lot of people have never been in my class think they're coming for like you know information or something you know you just heard conspiracy it's like a content class my class are never content oriented I'll give a little content like a tiny bit of content I throw in just to kind of be the skeleton of the class but my classes are always for the experience and what am i doing the whole temp I'm giving people experience and so and so I flipped my experience junkie personality into giving experience and so tonight for example inviting all the men you can tell everyone about this later make sure everything gets that bit later the I'm inviting all the men to the possible use seminar experience to teach people how to really maximize experience of life now you might say this the servants have meaning that people are here to serve have a better life because the way I painted it they do and and it makes it sound like the experiential types aren't really having much of a life in that they get experience but they often have the downs of when it's not experiential which is also true but there is a big mile in the experience so I'd like to since I already spoke about experiencial people getting to the level of service so let's talk about the service people getting into experience is that God creates the world at all times from scratch from nothing the world's coming yay shimmy iron it's something from nothing at all times which means that in the end experience is all there is anything that's not experiencial it's just your own concept of it everything's in life is experiential now experiencial people are much more likely to lock in with that like for example these three guys maybe even four with Marga no no mark that well but like slow-mo and Zev and Ben see on the you guys are total experienced guys and and so your job is to flip it to service like turn your life into a life of service and and I know what Mark is exactly because he's running cameras I would guess he's in service but I'm not sure and the but but your guys job is to go towards service and the and the service people's job is to go towards experience I not saying to go towards dynamic service people will spend there many siblings for example will spend their lives shooting themselves in the foot for not being dynamic like their other siblings bad error big mistake you are spitting in the face of God who created you a very specific way which comes with the richest life ever you have a rich life and as I said before there's no downtime because the what would be called the downtime is just you sacrificing towards the meaning of of what you can do for others so when you're doing it for others it's amazing and when you're doing what's necessary to prepare to do for others like my wife in the kitchen you know doing for for us is so meaningful term it's meaningful the entire time and so to the the experiential types we have to learn how to serve we have to learn service and by by learning service we will we will I forget what do we get out of service it was meaning that wasn't where say oh I was giving a little hint - meaning his service yeah that was the hint to meaningful life is to turn your life toward service and then you'll you'll have a meaningful life so the experiential types move your life towards service and it really is very special to do service last night I was driving a group of I had to drive my children to the their be to the funeral of I'm not I'm gonna say but but it was heavy and very heavy on us but what happened was that we had about 40 minutes to leave when I realized the actual people who are going to be the children of the deceased have no way to get to the funeral and so I just realized I have just enough time to get them to the funeral drive back and get my kids my next-door neighbor and then drive back to get me and go back get my kids and then drive them again and and it was a deep service to do that for them and I I was specifically driving and experiencing that like the last thing I want to do in the world was be driving right then and and doing anything and but being in service was deeply meaningful at that point and I put that on as much as I can as an experienced junkie to put on service as often as possible I put that on in just my last flight I was just flying back from the u.s. I was on United and everyone was watching this stewardess trying to put someone's bag in the overhead compartment unsuccessfully I mean she just kept pushing it up cuz it looked like it fit but it just didn't fit and so I tried a few times and it didn't fit and so I finally unloaded the entire thing and thought it through and told everyone this is simply Tetris and and I thought it and saw how with the right arrangement it's all gonna close anyway when I enclosed it the whole cabin cheered and the stewardess was so pleased that this took place but the last person you're expecting to do this Tetris is the rabbi the Hasidic rabbi on a Gentile united flight but it was a service another service moment and anyway for so for us it's service res experiential time yeah I've been soon you're asking a deep question that if service another word for it is boundaries and structure structure and boundaries and they're very related you'll notice that service-oriented people are much better with structure and experiences people are much less structural arrangement but that's because God created the entire world in the ten Spheeris and you've got the right side which is the right brain and the right the flow people and then you've got a structure people so you'll notice generally service people are more structure which is like pretty nice of God to do that because if you're actually involved in service so it'd be nice if you think in terms of structures so that you can actually be effective you know you don't want to be a flow Meister in service because flow Meister's are just gonna find themselves constantly frustrated taking ten trips back to this market you know to get the ingredients because they just keep running home without them and so they don't know how to make lists properly and and check them and and pick stuff off the shelf you know I'm a big flow Meister my wife sends me just shook well she hadn't sent me in a while but she would send me the shook you know the makhani who to market to pick stuff up for her and you know and she'd only asked for like three things I come back I come back with this giant cart you know packed to the brim two hours later somewhat drunk and no because there's a lot of breweries in this shook and you know craft beer everywhere and they all think I am rabbi of their brewery you know they think I gotta try this one and try that one and try that I don't pay anything it's just like the owners of the breweries think I have to try everything and and I go so infrequently that like there's always something new I have to try and anyway so I get home and my wife's like she after unloading like a thousand shekels worth of produce she there's like a lot of stuff there - the three things she asked for it you know and she's just like yeah I'll be right back we live in nach low we live a hundred yards from the shook so it's like it's just a no-brainer to run out and get stuff and come right back and literally ten minutes is all it takes to pick stuff up anyway that was like lessons learned over a decade ago she doesn't bother with me and the shook anymore but those blessed people in the shook there's some work that people who run the stores they're so blessed you know when I was a young kollel guy learning learning full-time in Cola there are a lot of Chavez's where I didn't have any money a lot of Chavez's and my shop it was gonna be packed with like you know everyone off the wall it's coming to my Shabbos day one and I never I didn't have any money and I'm gonna be feeding 3040 people that night but I learned a lesson early is that you always go back to the same vendors in the show every week always use the same people which means you're getting to know each other and they're getting to know me and they're gonna know my wife and again know my kids and they get in our family and there were so many Chavez's where they were just like you'll get us next week you know here's here's your produce you know and they just write it down and I would write it down and there are many many many Chavez's where the entire Shabbos food drink fish meat you name it salads fruit and vegetables all on the show for free Shabbos there was Shabbos is that I think I probably hit a record of three Chavez's in a row all paid for by this shook it's who's like our people you know who is like Israel shook vendors paying for a whole Shabbos meals and you say and they feed they've they'll feed anybody if you go into a shop guy and say you know you know I just don't have money for vegetables right now but if you don't mind I'll just take the minimal amount you'll be like kidding take s mind kid and the my I remember once I was getting evicted when I was a young Colo guy again if you're watching this you don't know what kollel means Cola means when when you wee Jewish people take Torah studies super seriously we take it so seriously that we're willing to basically sacrifice our livelihood to study it and there's something called kollel and that is that after you've been a student and then you finally get married when you get married you get a stipend so that you can continue studying Torah and so I continued for five years and in those five years there were many times I had no money and there was one time where I was three months late on my rent guess how much my rent was in the center of town center town my rent was $400 a month yeah how much would rent me now in the center town for an apartment for a couple I don't even know what it would be right over $1000 I wouldn't even know anyway so any but I was 1200 the guy the landlord says listen I love you I you're great but like you're gonna have to move out because I just you know I'm renting this apartment I need the $400 and now it's $1,200 and you know let's go so so what happened was I I I went at night to study cuz that's what I do I study so I left my wife after dinner and I went to the study hall and place called bought a burrito which is actually now live under body burden and I'm sitting there studying in my Haru so that's my learning partner says to me like you're just not concentrating like where is your head tonight and I'm like I said to her like well I'll tell you the truth I'm getting evicted tomorrow and so I just and he's like okay so where you gonna go and I was like okay goosh etzion I don't know go somewhere where it's cheaper and he was like you told your wife didn't you and I'm like no I couldn't tell her I just couldn't tell me and I mean I obviously had to tell her but I just couldn't get myself to tell her so I just never told her and I was just gonna kind of drop the pump on the day we were moving out and the whatever it's hard to tell people bad news you know it's hard to tell people things and and you're not supposed to bear bad news and so anyway we finish you know II might we just talked about it I couldn't learn so we just talked for another half hour knee was giving me ideas I'm like I don't have any ideas left I've thought of all the ideas for the last three months so anyway I walk I'm walking home pretty sad and realize I should probably wake her up and tell her so she at least can get up in the morning ready to pack and and so so as I'm getting towards my door I get tapped on the shoulder and I said yeah and he says hi I I couldn't help overhear you speaking to your your learning partner and I said you speak English she's like speaking of cuz he was a fluent Hebrew speaker they learned in front of us and I had no idea this guy spoke humor there was a Hebrew Bruce amongst all Israelis he says yeah I couldn't help overhear you and he says here's $1,200 pay rent and and I was like I just broke out broke down crying just like why would you do this to me I don't even know when I could pay it back and he says he says you don't have to pay this back he says I happen to have extra money this month and I just want you to have it and so I I paid it and and you know what it never happened again after that and I'm still enough low 25 years later and and but not just not alowed I'm like the mayor of knuckle old I'm like our home became like an institution there in my life and everything lost seemed out of there and so much came from that twelve hundred bucks that she mitzvot that anyone could have done with their money and we all got to think well when we know someone's in need like we have no idea especially a young person we don't know who we're putting on the map with a little act of kindness or a little good word we could say to somebody when they're when they're down so anyway the so so the later I found out that he was living with five kids in one room and and had no money and he just he really happened to have 1,200 bucks that day and and paid my rent hmm it was a person with no money seemed once in a while he's still learning full time he's a beautiful guy he moved out he himself had to move it he had a move and I didn't have any money for him and I was still struggling when he moved out but he couldn't afford to stay anymore and and the anyway we're beautiful people Claudius or the Jewish people are beautiful people and it's everybody even in tel-aviv I just can't tell you how much people have gone out of their way from me when I'm visiting tel-aviv and I've had people literally parking their car like they found a spot it's so hard to find a spot in telling me they found the spot and which was good for me because I pulled up next to him to ask him directions and he looks at this her ad guy and he's like oh my gosh like I actually get to speak to a her ad guy instead of watch the media destroy or destroy you you know I actually get to talk to a crazy guy I think I was so excited and then he's like you know what just follow me and then drives me in 15 minutes across the entire Liza's parking spot it drives me 15 minutes happened over and over again people driving me all around like having me follow them all through Tel Aviv to get to to get to where I'm going and just to juxtapose this my I just took my wife and kids to America for for 10 days and I didn't buy them SIM cards which was probably a mistake but they didn't have any SIM cards which means we're magic now no we were to SeaWorld or we were at the outlets in Oxnard or whatever that areas and we were in shopping malls you know I have five daughters so it's like you know they're just everywhere in these shopping malls and so we had logistically we had in like meet up a lot of times and so I at the beginning of the trip which our first stop was SeaWorld I told them like just borrow phone you know and so you know just ask someone to use their phone it doesn't cost anything you know everyone's plans are not by the call the plans are for the month you know or whatever so anyway we learned the hard way that that the answer's no the answer's no you cannot borrow my cell phone I mean I've girls you know twelve-year-old girls 14 year old girls 18 year old you know 22 year old 20 year old 24 year old like I got girls and and by the way if you're wondering one time about girls here is like boys okay you don't want to lend this guy your phone but like it's a twelve year old girl you know she wants to find her mom or he wants to find her dad anyway the answer was no everywhere we went no matter who they asked the answer was just no no no no and and my wife actually eventually asked one woman she said you know you're like the tenth woman who said no and I really need a phone I I don't want your phone but if you could just tell me why what is it about your phone or what is it about me and I could just explain because this was just a phenomenon I've never seen and she was just like I said no and walked away and I felt the same way when I flew United back to Israel just now because I always file all but I mistakenly you know tried to save an organization a little money by buying a cheaper ticket for a Chaba tonin and I saved like 200 bucks not worth it you know I'd rather fly with people who care if I live or die and it was crazy and they did I tell this story the other day about the overhead compartment and took the Israeli on the flight to get my bag there cuz did I tell that anyway anyway were very special people the Jewish people in and we're all for one and one for all and and that's let's and that is the greatest meaning also in our lives is the life of being there for each other being really generous with our time and with our skill sets and with our just our advice for example that us guys were in our 50s we probably have something to share with people who are trying to make a living in the field we made a living it whether you did a great job making a living or whether you did an okay job or even a lousy job you probably learned a lot you know and like how much could you give back we have so much to give and you just have to be creative just got to be creative you years ago oh when I was in coal oh by the way after several years in coal I think three four years in : three years in koma my wife and I got tired of not being able to give sadaqa because you know everyone gets to get Sudoku as jobs and I could and so we started we started a a charity organization which long ago closed but we started charity organization called the family of Israel the family of his own it all came from I was hearing it of our Torah by that extremely liberal rabbi avi Weiss from the Riverdale and he said if you want to understand the Jewish people you could call us the nation of Israel you could call us the the the you know whatever all the other armies on the the people of Israel whatever he said but if you really want to understand the Jewish people you would call us the family of his room and I was like that's it and I like immediately I called an accountant in America and made and made a tax-deductible called the family of Israel and anyway after a while we were giving thousands of dollars a month out our door two poor people and people in all kinds of different situations and then my wife said you know what I got an even better idea teach him how to fish and she created something called the Jewish sewing coral that Israel's sewing qua Jerusalem sewing cooperative and what did she do she took girls marrying Colo guys and bought each one of them a brand new top-level professional sewing machine and and then would get top seamstress teachers to train them and then there were a whole staff of and then they would they would create packages that brides and grooms have to bring into the wedding because when you get married each couple has to bring in a set of linens you know duvet covers pillow cases top sheets bottom sheets gorgeous ones I mean really like top of the line and and then next thing we know we got a warehouse filling up with the most gorgeous wedding sets for new couples at which we were distributing to families that can't afford the sets so it was like this is my wife like just thinking out of the box what can we do what can we do for these people and when those Lebanon missiles started flying onto Israel and that crazy scene and like people are in bomb shelters all over the north but like it was like crazy like we had no idea what was gonna happen up north and there were so many kids in trouble there so she used the family of Israel once again and and she and a guy named Kanaan Kaufman who used to work with aged maybe still does it they raised their raised a quarter of a million dollars in three days all through the family of Israel and and they brought down 1,200 people from living in bombs poor people I mean really poor people living in bomb shelters 800 of which were children and brought him down injures little fed them and clothed them and put them up and like till that war ended my wife had 1200 kids 12 800 kids and and 400 adults too I mean literally down to like tisha Bob hit and like everyone needed flip-flops because you're not allowed to wear leather shoes on that day and was like 1,200 flip-flops had to come in anyway let's all if we got something from this lesson it's give up on happiness let it go let go of happiness it's gonna ruin your life and get into meaning figure out what's worth sacrificing for and get busy with that and and you will have the happiest life ever Oh what oh thank you yeah so if you were watching this a couple options of first of all obviously click click share share subscribe follow whatever those buttons are and and but join the media Club the media Club is called the yom taupe media club.com please join the club and help us fund the distribution and all the media platforms so more and more people can get on with this yom Tomita club comshuck shalom if you enjoyed watching this well watch some more send it click it forward it join it subscribe to it you know keep coming on in joining me in this amazing movement to make a big difference in the world and the biggest thing you can do of all is to join the yom tov media club calm 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