Practical Spirituality

thing up so that's good okay we're already on youtube so let's not talk much okay everybody i'm good very excited to be youtube let's not talk more oops i forgot to mute uh youtube wednesday got a lot of things from doing it once here uh [Music] once [Music] shy do me a favor um it's still picking up whoever's making noise so please go to the go to the uh settings of record there if you can still um okay everybody um what we're going to talk about today is experiencing god experiencing the divine in the physical um there are there are two kind of major categories when it comes to experiencing god one is the category of of expanding out into um your understanding of hashem meaning ex really expanding out into that that usually comes with great effort and then there's one that's kind of a freebie and this day is dedicated to that the freebie one and what is that freebie the freebie is that the freebie is that your senses you through your senses you can sense god you can literally get to god through sensing through sensing him now now again i want to i want to be clear here on the on the subject of of what it is to get to god from a what it is to get to god from a a expanding out into god perspective so it takes great kabbalistic effort you got to study you got to understand a lot of things um like for example dealing with the esoteric realities of oneness of oneness altogether meaning and we've handled that we did dealt with that on wednesday and thursdays what do we mean when we mean when we say the word one as you may recall last week we spoke about that god isn't just it's not just that there's one of him it's that he is one an indivisible one an unlimited one and when something's unlimited if it's an unlim meaning it's called infinite what is infinite it means that it that it's unlimited it doesn't have limitation well if it doesn't have limitation that means that the probably the way you've been conceding god is that there's god and then there's the world like two separate realities there's god and there's world but but that would mean god ends where the world begins it doesn't sound like an infinite god to me that's a that then we're limiting god to without that sounds like a finite god not an infinite god so god can't be limited by the physical and therefore god must it must be that god also penetrates into the physical realm so he's not just outside but he's inside he's not just surrounding but he's feeling he's not just eminent but he's imminent and yeah there's some super kabbalistic expialidocious type people who are willing to who are willing to expand out into that and that's the great study of kabbalah and and the and the study of deep books in in hasidus and khasidut and where you can do that uh the most famous before they went on the whole islamic before they went on the whole um the whole kick for uh before they went in the whole uh oh sorry chabad you probably everyone's heard of but before they went on that outreach kick they were known as the um [Music] contemplators of that oneness uh paradox of that of how really all there is is god and uh you can even get a book it's the middle book of the tanya it's called in the in the triple um triple volumed tanya and that goes into like literally a layman could really learn it to understand that this whole world is is made of of olive bit god's literally creating the world through the aleph and this whole world's really made up the language of of god and and and the names of god it's all made of that but anyway chabad was known for that they weren't known for synagogues that you know anyone can come pray in they weren't known for putting to fill in on people they weren't known for any of that stuff they were known for going into that first level of understanding of god known as the the expanding into which requires again great understanding it also requires great brains because not in that not anyone not anyone can just jump into that i mean you got to have the mind for it you know it's it's uh like for example uh my rebbe teaches the first two and a half hours dave david uh hirsch i think i brought you to my rebbe maybe thursday night i don't remember no i never brought you anyway but the first two and a half three hours is just hit him he's got a head like twice my head's pretty big his head's twice as big as mine he's six foot i don't know what six maybe um and his he's got this giant head and he steeps his head into esoteric knowledge and shares it with us even though most of us have no idea what he's talking about and but it's like three hours straight before we move into the the torah portion of the week so it's like and we sit there we'll sit there for six hours and when we all pass out and finally leave he keeps going he doesn't sleep thursday nights friday he um he'll he rests until he starts a speech fast at 11 a.m and from 11 a.m he's in his speech fast he does chuva meaning he repents the whole day for his for his weak day indiscretions do you know what a weekday indiscretions are for him weekday indiscretions means that he let his mind drift from god that he thought about something else you an or you thought about god in the bathroom you know he's like is that's his but he spends from 11 on most of us don't even spend that time before yom kippur he spends it from 11 on stays in his speech fast till you know all the way through shul until he gets walking home speech fast um then there's a lot of kabbalistic meditation kiddish the meal is like two hours he what he eats you wouldn't even call a meal on a weekday he barely touches the food but he each thing gets a bite and and then and then he sings for another two hours and then he gives torah for about an hour he just shares all the talk that's coming out of him and then you can talk to him about anything i mean except his shot is not going to talk to you about mundane manners but he'll talk and then he does the same thing shabbos day all over again same exact thing and he'll only talk to you after the meal oh and by the way he doesn't sleep shabbos night either so not thursday night not shabbos night but he naps before shabbos right before shabbos and he naps shabbos afternoon because how can you not after that challenge okay it's one hour sleep per per uh per ladle [Music] but what about the rest of us turkeys so the rest of us turkeys we have the ability to experience the divine and the finite and that's what we're going to talk about today why because today's tu b'shvat and tu b'shvat is the russia sun of the trees it's when we celebrate the bounty of the fruits and think about it everything's from fruits everything unless it's inanimate you know there's things in my room that are inanimate but but this is definitely from fruits my wool sweater it's 100 from fruits the fruit of the womb of some sheep okay and this cotton is the fruit of you know this shirt is the fruit of the cotton that that grew with the rains and the and the um you know the cotton and the uh and my flesh my flesh is the fruit of of my parents and you know this is the holiday of the fruits but when we enter when we engage with fruits and last night you know in my house we have a 27-year tradition my wife and i 27-year tradition to do a 12-hour food meditation to bishop seder and if you guys ever get a chance to be in jerusalem for that i plea i want you to be sitting next to me for that and you know why because if you sit next to me for that you'll lead it next year wherever you live and i got to meet people throughout the night because our sitter goes a little longer it's 12 hours so it's seven to seven seven pm to seven a.m and um and at around six a.m we dance around the willow trees outside my sukkah which is a hundred person sukkah with two types of craft beer live band every night and seats 100 people for dinner each night it's an incredible sukkah but right outside my sukkah is the rava trees and we did it we do a dance every tuesday around the arova trees at around around sunrise and the um and then we all go to the mikva together which is a real scene a bunch of a bunch of drunk stoned guys who've eaten way too much fruit are uh are in the mikvah together a lot of fun and then we we go to pray together and it was very sweet and some of those guys i don't think had had on to fill in recently so it was nice to see them putting on to fill in and um anyway but but here's the thing is all the stragglers who were coming throughout the night meaning from 1am on were coming from seders of people who sat at my seder 15 20 years ago and so you understand my seder has fruits it bears fruit and it's been bearing fruit for years and years and years to a point where publix seders all around the world many of them started i don't know a quarter of a century ago at my house where they would come every every year and what do we do the whole time so we engage we engage we get engaged with our pleasure sensors so let's think about let's think about how god created us it's wild when you'll think about this your entire body is lined with nerve endings everything's aligned with nerve rings take a hand like while you're listening to me take a hand and touch your the top of your hand and just circle it and feel the nerve endings now by the way if someone else did that to you and feel totally different which is weird but like but it would be like you know ten times more pleasurable if someone else did the exact same thing to your head and and your but your entire body is covered with nerve endings but some areas get extra nerve endings for example your ears and then when you when you hear music you know and you're just you engage in in music so that's like you know a totally different experience like try this for example [Music] close your eyes and just listen for a second [Music] with your eyes closed let your eyes raise a little if your hands free let your palms rest on your lap [Music] turn your hands upward resting your hands but now the back of your hands eyes closed eyeballs looking upward towards your eyebrows and engaging with the nerve endings which are much more concentrated around your audio nerves the tympanic membrane inside your head the two membranes that here in stereo and they feed this music directly to your neurons and all your neurons pick up right now all they're picking up is ones and zeros it's all digital your neurons are just picking up ones and zeros and translating it in real time to this music just let it take away i'm gonna be quiet [Music] [Applause] let's take a little journey together for a moment do you hear the long notes of the wind instruments and the organ playing it's long hear that while in the foreground is a piano player playing octaves for the piano playing in the foreground so listen to both listen to the background the piano in the foreground and use it as a connection to being part of group that's the background music yet being an individual that plays with community with group with congregation so the piano is you as an individual [Music] but playing with and in consonance connection to the community [Music] individuality and group are happening in every song [Music] so right now take a moment and be the background music to another individual in the community who maybe needs just community and you're you're going to be there for him as his group be the background music [Music] so [Music] now be the piano player the individual in the group who works well with group you the piano listen [Music] it's like at this point you're just testing the water of the community is now hesitant the piano is very hesitant to see if it's safe to be part of this group the group's saying yes we're in so now you're starting to play your notes getting creative being courageous asserting yourself in the community your individuality and what you bring to the table as an individual [Music] since the community backing you up supporting you accompanying you in the back room so few people today can deal with community especially since cohen has made it harder very few people can play their notes as individuals so we lack both prat individuality and cloud community right now what we're doing is a little bit of therapy of community with individuality in harmony with each other [Music] now please open your eyes and uh shy if you can screen share a picture of somewhere on the swiss alps or something in yosemite valley or something get a nice screen share of that and we're going to go to our next level of serious nerve endings and that is and that is the nerve endings of the of the optic nerves your optic nerves have way more condensed nerve endings than your ears and ears you just spent that meditation on how sensitive you were just engaging with how sensitive the ears are but now we're going to go to the eyes and we're going to keep the music in the background but we're going to go to the eyes and sense how the eyes are you know really can be blown away by what they see [Music] oops i forgot to hit record shy you got something thank you perfect thank you so now notice the engagement with the eyes alpine climate above where things don't even grow really it's too high this is all alpine that's why there's no trees this is all very high up but there's grass and flowers just let your eyes take it in [Music] look at different details [Music] engaging with the eyes if you have something of food substance near you we're gonna move to the mouth i don't have any food but we'll just talk about it for a moment [Music] okay shy you can um bring back bring me back on screen i'm gonna turn down the music off now and then you got nerve endings on how was that everybody you enjoyed the uh yeah so then you got your taste buds and your tongue is like covered in in these nerve endings that distinguish taste one from another helps you certainly if something's not you know if something's poisonous the milk spoiled or something's off but it also just you know you have a tremendous distinction ability to distinguish taste which is uh you know another whole another whole world of possibility which is you know to to engage with that now before we go on well i'll go on one more level and this is only for uh it's only for those who are over 18 is you know there's another area on the body with even more nerve endings than uh all these areas or at least the most sensitive ones and um and that that's also you know that that's that's the actual covenant with god that's the covenant with god so what is god telling us if he puts the most sensitive part of all and calls that the covenant you know what that's telling us it's telling us that's a bit called opinion of that is a principle an archetype and what is that principle that principle is that god's saying i'm with you in your sensory experience experience me in the physical and if you're in wednesdays and thursdays class we spoke about how god shows up in the physical world with the name elokeem everything's made of what's called ello cuz but ello keems plural because the world is made of multiplicity there's there's a lot of stuff in the world you know a lot of stuff just in the frame of my studio here you know there's stuff there's keyboards there's guitar and there's you know a lot of fibers here protons neutrons and electrons packed with stuff and it's all made of velocous and if god makes the covenant with us exactly where the nerve endings are most sensitive it's telling you engage with me in the physical engage in the physical and turn it into a devacus moment what's de vegas de vegas means to cleave to god some of you may think well okay to god that's a that would be a bonus that's a bonus cleave to god hey bonus there ain't no bonus it's one of the 613 commandments lid that bake you have a mitzvah to cleave to god it's one of the myths for us it's like giving sadaka it's like eating kosher it's like it's like putting on a pair to fill him it's it's a mitzvah to cleave to god cleaves a fancy word for you yiddish speakers there but cleave means to to be totally connected to become one with and i said there's two ways to go about that you can learn all the wisdom of kabbalah which i'm sure many of us in this group have spent years and years and years delving into some of us with more intensity than others and then there's the inner way that every one of us can do you don't even have to open a book in fact you don't even have to open up any books to to experience god in your sensory sensory experience you don't have to you don't have to know anything it's like this is just available it's just this is what this is what's on offer now you can experience a delicious taste you know uh you know for our wheat yesterday we had these whole wheat crackers with all kinds of seeds on them they were delicious but of course my daughters put on them brie cheese with uh pesto sauce so they're like extra delicious and you can by the way you barely get anything in your mouth the entire night because think about it's 12 hours straight just to do the seven species took us you know it's just a bite of each you know it's one olive it was one grape you know it was a couple of pomegranate seeds the whole that itself took three hours i think and anyway um by the way that kind of a patient meal is because on tuesday we fix the the we fix the sin of eating what's the sin of eating adam and eve were allowed to eat from the tree of knowledge they just had to wait till shabbos it was only a few hours they were born on the sixth day wait a little longer any then you can eat from the tree of knowledge but they didn't wait and so on we wait we stare at the beautiful food we behold its beauty we our brachas every brussel we did was over a minute long it's a whole new sock you inhale bow i taught them how to do this song before not to mention i'd give a 45 minute sure on what each word really means [Laughter] which means surrounding space and time eloquence filling space in the eloquent [Music] me and then we finish the brush like if it's shackled it was it was much longer than that because we had done a bunch of breath work already so each exhale could be much longer and throughout the night we did various breathing exercises and developed our uh our connection through the breath work hey we got curtis in the truck yeah i love my students who are truckers a few students always cross in america where are you now curtis please drive carefully don't worry about it you just drive okay be careful i can't hear you you're muted right now yeah anyway um last time he sent me a picture he was in everything looks completely snowed in i don't know how is the east coast getting snow right now i guess uh yeah big time yeah and david hirsch is laughing in florida with a suntan okay so so listen up so that engagement to be able to physically engage and but it's not just to engage with it physically but it's to connected you have to connect it up to [Music] you have to connect it up to hashem because it all everything's made of hashem everything's made of elokus there is nothing but that and so it's not enough to engage in the pleasure it's to engage in the pleasure and connect it to hashem to the creator of it all that's really the essence of it all that's what that's what we're doing but this is the this is the easy path to devacus this is not you don't have to be an expert you don't be anything you just eat it and close your eyes and taste it now i'd like to distinguish sight and sound some of you might have heard this in previous class and i apologize but review is always helpful the my wife and i once uh went to the swiss alps and we flew into zurich and we're driving our way up the foothills absolutely gorgeous anyone who's driven zurich to up to uh saint mariet's or davos you know what i'm talking about it's just unbelievably pretty that whole river valley that you go through until you start climbing so gorgeous and the um anyway but that blew us away but once we started getting up in the mountains i was so in awe that i was losing my motor skills to drive the car and so several times before we got to saint maria it's i had to pull over my car you know there were pull outs which were great and we'd pull over and we'd just be like it was so amazing and our eyes were being bombarded by the beauty of what we were seeing wife and i take these trips they're called riding trips you know why they're called riding trips because my wife's a writer and i ride mountain bikes and so every morning after we you know after getting up praying and whatever um i hire a guide who takes me all around the alps and there's no point if i got these precious this precious week i don't want to figure it out myself like let me go with a guy who was right he could write these trails in the dark at night he knows them so well and it knows all the secret ones for the locals and stuff that don't want tourists you know knowing about and so i ride all morning long hours and hours taking chair lifts to the top each time and then these long rides down and she sits with her desk at a you know a big beautiful window overlooking the alps and rights the whole time and and then we meet for lunch and we spend then we go hiking and spend the rest of the day together they're called writing trips we've done several of these about once a year we'll take a writing trip um but here's the thing on the third day in the alps the first time we went on the third day we were bored bored i was like looking for someone to teach judaism to i could like either i found hasidim who had no interest in judaism or i found just kidding where i found you know gentiles who were like willing to like let me teach them a little bit about something you know that was connected to what they need to know and i i was i was going nuts by the third day but the alps were not doing the trick by the third day now well that's interesting because you have a lot more more optic nerve interaction with sight than audio nerves with sound but have you guys noticed that some songs do it for you forever and ever and ever and ever i mean you might have to give it a break for a few weeks because you overdid it but you go right back to it and there it is again and and there's there's albums there's certain albums that play through from beginning to end you know david knows what i'm talking about on this there's like steely dan albums that go from beginning to end and they're just it only gets better each time and there's there's um boston's first album david remember boston's first hand we were just another band out of boston on the road trying to make things yeah so it's like that entire album from beginning to end is absolute perfection you know what i'm talking about curtis so and there were a couple police albums like that and they're not a million albums like that um barry weber has done that with the album that has shapes on it i forget oh not the ominous shapes on it um uh which album is that i forget which one but he has that on one of one of his albums plays all the way through like that thinking of jewish ones both both um jonathan rozelle and and aaron rozelle have some albums that are like that their masterpiece albums and um play all the way through perfectly and and the uh i mean you'd never skip a song and then there's uh yishai rebo the album with the shapes on it i forget which one that is also it's a masterpiece album plays all the way through you can keep playing it and playing why does audio work for us in a way that that um that the optics don't work why are we able to engage audioly in a way that the optics don't well you might give one answer is that it's there's so much more going on with optics that it overloads you and you go numb after a few days in a particular place or it might be and by the way you if you would have seen your guys faces on this live feed you unzoom you would see how much longer you lasted with the music that we were doing the music meditation before the viewing of the slide of the alps you you wait you did much better with the music than you did the slide as far as connectivity and so here here it is this is what's going on the whole world was created with vibrations everything was made with vibrations those vibrations are what god chose to have create our meaning our world's created how's the world created there's infinite light which is getting filtered down through level after level after level world after world after world until it hits a a um a strobing you know possibility for physicality for their action to be a physical world meaning when you block light you get an image things you know an image shows up when you block light and so god's infinite light is getting blocked by these worlds and all of that comes down vibrationally and that's why when we say our bracha about creation [Music] means it's not even translatable but i mean it would sound like songs of music i don't know but shira which i know you guys know is called song zimra what's a zemer z zimra and and the what it what what it is is its vibrational wave patterns now tell me what's the difference in speed between what you see versus what you hear and i'll tell you the difference speed of light versus the speed of sound what's the speed of light hey siri what's the speed of light in miles the speed of light is 670 616 629.38 miles per hour that's really fast hey siri what's the speed of light per second in miles what's the speed of light per second in miles okay whatever i'll give you that hey siri what's the speed of light in miles so it's six um 670 million 616 [Music] 629.38 miles per hour that's pretty fast 670 million miles per hour now watch this uh so let's just remember 670 million okay hey siri what's the speed of sound the answer i found is speed of sound hey siri what's the speed of sound in miles on it the answer is 0.5 speed of sound squared per mile that wasn't helpful uh shy why isn't it giving me the speed of sound hey sir what's the speed of sound in miles okay it's making me look it up here um i got it 80 miles per hour something like that is that possible speed of sound is 80 miles no that's not possible one sec anyway if someone knows the speed of sound per mile is uh is uh can't be 80. whatever it's a few hundred you hear airplanes break the speed to barrier so i think they're going like i don't know what they're going they're going like maybe 900 miles per hour or something like that anyway but do you hear the difference it's lower oh you said look at the note so no problem thank you uh let's see how do i find that uh oh there's something called chat here yeah here we go um so light goes um 300 000 kilometers per second and sound goes yeah it's about 800 miles per hour so it's one one is one is 700 and something million miles per hour and the other one's 800 miles per hour now sound plays on the soul music plays on the soul and it gives us a engagement speed that works for us that connects for us and it really really is powerful you have to be so careful with music to use it right you know i was once um i was once at a band rehearsal of a jam band in santa barbara i was out in the back courtyard just hanging out with a friend we were friends with the band and the music was coming in through these windows out to us through these windows where the band was playing inside all of a sudden two hummingbirds flew into our the courtyard they came right outside the screens where the band was playing the windows were open but there were screens and the the the hummingbirds started going like this you know they were just going like this exactly in the sine wave of the rhythm of the music and the band started playing a much faster part and they were going like this and then there was like a slow part and they were going like this and the hummingbirds were like totally in tune with the music now if you were raised secular you would have been to concerts uh where you know you're with 30 000 people and or more and everybody is exactly in vibrational consonants vibrational resonance with the band there's one band called also a jam band that was one of the most um famous jam bands ever named the grateful dead and one of the things they would do there is the audience let's say it's it's usually was around thirty thousand the audience would write down a song on a piece of paper and then pass the pass meaning they'd write it down and then pass it around the audience so everyone would get that song and pass around the audience so that the whole audience would think about that song until the band played it and then the band would wind up playing and the crowd would go bananas i mean the band could play they had like a repertoire of like probably two 300 songs they never played two concerts the same but the but the crowd would call which song they should play and they would go bananas when they played it it was really crazy and what was cool about it was the band would often go into this like kind of space mode when they're like just gonna no more drumbeat they're just gonna see what comes and you hear it wiring around and moving and moving until it's forming into something and then it forms into the song that the crowd was thinking that they wanted them to play amazing i mean i would i was at one of their concerts and i and i realized i realized that i'm crying and i was like that's interesting why am i crying i'm having like very deep feelings in my heart i'm crying not sad feelings but deep feelings very deep feelings well you know when you cry you get self-conscious so i started like looking around like hope no one sees i'm crying in the middle of this concert and guess what the guy next to me is crying the person on that side of me is crying i'm like i started looking over oh my god they're crying they're crying i turned around i turned around there were people way deeper than we were already huddled together sobbing holding each other and sobbing throughout the audience in a gigantic you know amphitheater that was uh i remember that was a that concert was a new year's in oakland oakland california and then about i don't even know how much longer not very much longer we were dancing like jumping and elated and the band was playing our whole our our world was being played by this band meanwhile meanwhile i could have a neighbor come up to me and say um we teach my child guitar he's really having a hard time in yeshiva and i'd be like yeah i guess so i may not give him some pointers you know like don't tell anybody what do you mean don't tell anybody well we don't want anyone to know that he's you know does something other than study torah like what meaning the word aren't you the guy who this morning said that he was that hashem that the whole the whole creation i mean think about it what are we saying when we're doing king david's psalms every morning they're they're songs i just heard one of the guidelines said there was like a dialect or was it a mimer of one of the restraining i don't remember but he said the reason that mashiach doesn't come is that we don't know the tune of the sukkah zimmer the psalms we say every morning because we don't know the tune machine has come because because if we knew the tunes that david wrote those songs to king david wrote those songs if we knew the tunes mache would have to come so anyway i think you all got the point today the point is that that we're here to engage engage in the pleasures of this world in a way where you send it up to hashem we've come to a point where like people are too afraid to even get near pleasure because they're like you know oh i don't want to get sucked up into it i'm just into god you know i just want to be into god i don't want to be into this world what are you talking about the only reason god created this world was he would have a dwelling place below he doesn't need you to be in the heavens if he needed you in the heavens he would have kept you there the fact is that he sent you back down here to engage to interface with creation to have a body covered in nerve endings that would engage with alocus and so all of us have to take some time each day and engage with something taste taste your coffee like but be there with it taste the food that's that you're gonna eat for lunch engaged fully engaged yeah okay question diane so let's see if anyone has any questions uh you can unmute if you want to ask questions someone wrote rabbi nachman said that he knows a song that the whole world and all the grass will dance with it something like that okay then we had speed of light uh i didn't get any questions there let's see if youtube has any questions um yeah let's see youtube's got a couple things here um youtube's got um um so oh wow that's a cool question the hebrew alphabet is obviously letters and numerics does each letter also possibly represent a musical note that's very cool brett um i feel bad i don't really answer that but i have a feeling that i know people who do it's been so doing oh someone mentioned the snow 50 centimeters going to ottawa yeah that makes sense uh okay um okay cool um so i don't see any questions uh there are a couple new messages let's see if those are questions and again anyone can unmute if they want to ask a question oh maybe don't i mean someone asked me to summarize what i said in the beginning about how sometimes we're meant to be part of our community and sometimes we're meant to take on a bigger role okay i could talk a little bit about that um the but yeah i i riffed on it yeah because i hit record a little late um so i missed it but the there's uh there's in there's individual and there's community there's the solo notes and then there's the accompanying band in the background that's community companies and then there's the solo notes and there's times where we're part of community and it's so important that we engage with community and we're part of something and it's also extremely important for your serotonin uptake that you're um for your um which is your well-being your your general happiness comes from serotonin and and a lot of that comes from being involved in social interaction uh but we also each one of us has a contribution to make and that's what we call the mission and our mission in life and and we've got to take on that mission even if it means standing out in the community but uh but when we have that when we when we are both involved in community and we're involved in our own expression in this world that's unique to us and especially when you've solidified your mission so then you're really imbalance of claw and pratt you're pro clawed part of things but you're pro you're an individual part that's that makes that difference that stands out okay i'm feeling a little uh i by the way if you're up from seven to seven in the morning all i've had now is a nap since since uh sunday morning when i woke up so i had a nap today that's about it if you can hear my voice from singing and singing and singing and uh we sang a lot last night and a lot of it was up dancing and just really just the whole place was just rocking and uh you can hear i've like been through it what a nice feeling though my in my voice to like really have used it for refreshing and it'll it'll be back tomorrow just needs it needs to rest a little bit um okay i'm just going to bless everybody shalom um blessings happy to everybody all the best okay