How to make your life suck less

[Music] Shalom and welcome to practical spirituality here in the old city of Jerusalem at Asia tour overlooking the Western Wall so your life sucks okay great you know whose life doesn't suck in some way or another sir your life sucks and and now you're trying to like I don't know what you're doing exactly but let me tell you one way to get your life to stop sucking okay one way to get your life to stop sucking immediately is is don't blame anybody I'm not gonna say don't really normally you say don't blame don't complain like take it on don't blame don't complain in fact there was a there was a woman named Nate there is a woman named and at the public Platt plot she runs a program called Jada be repeat Lorie hello the woman named Laurie plotnick who had this whole don't blame don't complain campaign where you were one of those little rubber bracelets like you got over there and every time you blame or complain you have to switch and if you blame and complain again you got to switch again and you had to get through a day without switching you know more than a couple of times but don't blame don't complain so what does that mean don't blame don't blame is stop blaming your life circumstances on the circumstances of the past you know your father your you know you know this one yeah so you stop you stop we need a third camera for these guys and these guys they're so sweetly gone sweet this good so once he stopped blaming things switch switched for you yeah and what you try not complaining switches even more because because because the regarding that the blame is you're rarely in a situation that don't pay attention he's on the technically he'll handle this it's really not a big deal because we got two cameras the the blame game is is particularly crazy whatever it is is your problem is over I mean think about something you could complain about sorry did I sing complain think of something you could blame about that's like messed up your life is that happening to you right now no I don't want to have that happening right now not happening it is not happening so who's who's the perpetrator now answer you your your home perpetrator so so that's blame you so you get it like blaming is just a joke cuz you become the perpetrator of what's going on with you now why would you do that we can go a little deeper why would you do that why would any would be their own perpetrator and the answer is that he's a lot easier to blame people for your lousy life yeah it's a lot easier to blame people and since they and another thing is one of the scariest things in the entire world and especially for young people is responsibility alright responsibilities of four-letter work and people are scared to death of responsibility as Cheech Marin if Cheech and Chong said responsibilities a heavy responsibility men responsibilities responsibilities freaky and the second you stop blaming what do you have to do what you got to do once you stop blaming your past this spot right there grab it once you stop blaming your past what do you immediately have to do yeah take responsibility now you gotta take responsibility and ain't nobody wanted to take grounds responsibility we want to sit on a hot sand beach and or lay on a hot sand beach fall asleep get a sunburn and spend the next three days putting on creams in a hotel room maybe no anyway nobody wants that and so it's a lot easier to blame now somehow psychologists love perpetuating this then love perpetuating this this you know you know like they kind of I mean there are very good psychologists who get you to stop pointing your fingers at everybody because what happens when you point your fingers at people or at a community what happens when you point your fingers you're pointing one at them but where those other three point and everybody say right back at you together where the other three pointing you're the one creating this thing now okay they're there somewhere in the past you're the one creating it and so and so but the second you stop blaming and you start taking responsibility so then your life just turns around what that thing's turn around and you start to feel alive and that's most important thing is to feel alive I didn't want to feel dead but check it out you ever noticed this that there's a direct correlation to avoiding responsibility I'm feeling dead you ever noticed that you ever had those days where you just feel so dead and if you think about on that day that you actually had something you were supposed to do or maybe multiple things and you blew them off you feel so dead inside so you literally trade your feeling of aliveness like trading two bucks for a coke you traded two units of aliveness to receive being able to blow off responsibility and you know it's true and so you pay with your aliveness to avoid responsibility and this very much relates to Judaism too because there's no greater responsibility than Judaism I mean it's like it's like OCD you know it's like there's already something to do before you even got out of bed there's something to say you know modigliani now you're washing your hands on the side of your bed what kind of weird stuff is that you know wash your hands aside everybody you know my wife when she first learned about washing her hands she thought you know you wash your hands for bread and then some lady told her you know you wash your hands every morning before you get out a bit saying well I don't have a sink in my bed you know and she's like you bring a bucket so what did she do then night before she prepared bread put it next to the bucket she washed her hands she's like like this Judaism stuffs gonna kill me she's sitting on the edge of the bed the last thing she wants right now is like to be eating a piece of bread you know she washed her hands she sits on the side of the bed eating the bread half a year later half year later she comes to this lady's house for Shabbat and the lady you know wakes her up the morning she comes in again just to make sure she's up she sees she sees my wife and then she was single she sees my wife eating bread in the side of her bed said what are you doing she said you told me you washed when you wake up so anyway Judaism's packed packed with the responsibilities like it never ends and this is why you'll notice that a lot of young people they ate so much all the responsibilities that they actually feel it's too much haze feels too much they just can't do it and so but then again you can't live with yourself because of you're Jewish and you're like you kind of deep down no if you didn't study a here at Asia tour we actually we invite the question of how do you know there's a god or is there a god we invite the question how do you know tour is divine like we want you to ask that how do you know tourists from heaven and not just human some human tradition that people wrote down we like those questions but let's just say you got an answer in the affirmative that those were true there is God and torez binding it's a real you know divine godly document well now you got heavy responsibility but you're a young man who wants it so you know what you do just get rid of God just get rid of God now of course if you're far too guy apologize for saying this because it's far take person we've never do that Sephardic people just give more suka when they feel guilty you know they buy a tour or something you have a big you know tour extravagant event for like you know a new tour R or a new wing of a synagogue or something you know the ginn D wing you know so so the anyway the Sephardic Jews I like that by the way I like that because because aspartic Jews are not willing to give up God just cuz I feel guilty from for not keeping up the responsibilities it's heavy responsibility heavy and I'd rather someone try to buy off by off God with a with us with charity then get rid of God now you may be wondering why do Sparta Q's buy off God and why do Austin Ozzy Jews get rid of God what how does that work I mean how do we have this this distinction and it's a it's not true for every single Ashkenazi and not true for every single Sparty but it is quite a distinction that you all clearly laughed and identified with and you understand what I'm talking about so the answer is is that the Ashkenazi 'm let's start with this part in the safar name have been living with deeply faithful people for 2,000 years who pray 5 times a day where they've been living amongst populations that are 100% believers and then the Jews are coming as 100% believers and so now of course what are they after what is that what is that what did you have to do to be a good Muslim I mean like nothing you know I mean there's a couple don't do this don't drink alcohol what else are they not allowed to do or they're not allowed to eat pork and what else are they not allowed to do oh don't eat during the daytime on Ramadan that's rough that's hard that's ok so they got a couple don't - how's Judaism on don't do this so we have let's just call it like this we have 365 hyperlinks each one when you click on it hyperlinks the clicker on the website you know the hyperlink you click on what to go each of the 365 wet hyperlinks you when you click on it takes you to the website of that particular thou shalt not do and then you can tape down the scroll button for the next half hour as it goes through like thousands of how not to do that bounds the ways how not to do that thing even our positive commandments are chocked full of details did you know there's more laws in the black boxes you know the black box and we're not the ones in the airplane but the ones we put on our head in our arm that the black boxes are the black boxes that we wear there are more laws than those black boxes than all the world just the word like thou shalt put on those black boxes you know like toe top float yeah in that one word if you click on that word it takes you to a website forget about it and you'll be scrolling down forever it's there are more laws in that word tota foot then all the world's religions combined in that one love way more all the world's religions combined together there are way more laws just in one word of the Torah that ultimately equals these highly detailed black boxes that we wear and like and we're serious about those things man like if you had thirty drunk Russians we're all double my weight triple my way who were sworn to prevent me from putting him on between dawn and dark do you think they would succeed no they wouldn't succeed maybe part of the day they would succeed but I'll figure it out I'll figure it out ain't nothing gonna stop me from there and there was one day I have to admit there was one time I missed because when I was young and dumb and I didn't know you're not supposed to put it under the plane and I just like I'd only just taken on the commandment and I was like huh I was in so much pain cuz the the plane got there was a problem like one of those weird delays was a layover in London they set me up in some hotel and I'm like where's my bag and they're like no you'll be getting that in Los Angeles you know tomorrow and I'm like my tefillin and they're like we don't know what that word means just let us know if it's an explosive anyway and I spent the night so sad in my hotel room I got tail and mentioned to someone that might I missed a date to fill in them they were like never put your children under a plane it's also it's different temperatures as cold and leather you know like you know when it condensation in there and anyway and it's crazy that we even put on these black boxes it's just the weirdest commandment yeah it's not like I ever really wanted to put black boxes on my body I remember as a kid though these club onyx trying to put those on me I mean today I appreciate them a little bit like like they're looking out for people you know you should put on black boxes but I gotta tell you when I was a kid I was like I'll do my thing do you think putting on your little black boxes sir and the next day I saw the guys like I'm like same status but you know they're very helpful for is from Jews who know they should be putting them on but they've stopped putting them on and then they're walking down the street one day gone like their life sucks mike sucks mike sucks mike sucks and then they see this Chabad nick with a parrot to fill in his life like food and the guys like yeah okay so he's very helpful for those guys now so listen up when you blame I already said the issue with blaming I explained that that once you stop blaming your life turns around but now you got responsibility and now you got responsibly bry semen in AC switched get a little warm in here oh sorry farting farting the way they deal with guilt is through charity and Ashkenazim the way we deal with it is by we get rid of God so then we don't have a guilt because of the no gun no guilt just get rid of God you know go the easy route and and the reason why I ask cannot even go that route has to do with weapons but we've spent the last thousands of years amongst philosophical atheists in Europe philosophical atheist they're all atheists now there were idolatrous times like the Greek times or the Roman times or the Christian Science you know they were idolatrous times and so it's not like they believed in nothing you know if you want to believe in nothing you need our generation where they're only generations believed in nothing you know like people actually believe in nothing you know which is really worse than idolatry if you think about it what's worth believing in nothing or believing in idolatry so according to Torah leaving in idolatry is worse but if you think about it though really believing in nothing's worth because at least if you if you're in idolatry you believe there is something beyond you but when you don't even believe in anything that means you don't believe in anything besides you and you probably don't believe in yourself either and so you might as well just jump off a bridge as well just jump off a bridge well what happens you become what's called a nihilist and then and then eventually you just get crazy depressed as a nihilist and then music and why do you think the suicide rates still so so high for a society that says there's nothing besides you know the couple inches between your ears your cut your brain you know and and now in the real reduction materialist would like to say that that you're really just an organism you're just an animal you know which is super crazy because it's so not true you know you wouldn't you wouldn't be friends with someone who thought they were just an animal because you couldn't trust them and no one behaves like that you'll notice even the biggest materialist atheist in the world behaves as if there's a God because you see they are good people and they do have a moral voice and they listen to them or a voice or else we'd put them behind bars you'd certainly never be friends with him it was a family member you would change the lock on your door no one be no one behaves like that it's just pure mental masturbation when atheists say that they don't believe in God because they don't live their lives that way and if they did we would we would get rid of them they would be extremely dangerous there's no such thing as someone who lives as an atheist there's only people well I mean maybe the Nazis but there's only people who are are philosophically atheist and they're generally from Europe originally originally meaning America is just the United States evasive it's just the latest rendition of Europe and and yeah so so that's what the Ashkenazim do is they get rid of God but the truth is is that well let's let's bring it back to this how do I deal with the guilt thing because I don't have the money for the charity and I'm not smart ik and I don't want to get rid of God like I'm not gonna go there like God why is god guilty for my sins you know like why do I have to blame God for this and especially if I'm not blaming so why am I gonna blame God for this so I mean why should I take God out for the fact that I can't handle life and so what if I keep God in and I can't handle life I mean I can't handle living up to my responsibilities as a Jew what if what do i do then so you want to know what you do first of all you realize that nothing in Judaism is all or nothing it never says that in fact it says the opposite it says you'll never know the weight of a mitzvah it says that there's no Mitzvah that's greater than some other Mitzvah every Mitzvah for those who don't know where the word it's the means it means the commandments of the Torah every Mitzvah bears its own weight you know if you if you got dumped on some deserted island and you're waiting for the boat to come rescue you and right you know you've been walking around the island you know it isn't playing with the monkeys whatever and you right is the boat's pulling it and there's an announcement like you own the island there's a big storm coming so we're gonna be docking for only 30 seconds and the things like 50 yards offshore and then they've got to get you out of there quick just then you find diamonds diamonds everywhere each diamonds like $10,000 you know like like nice big diamonds you know big old diamonds and you're like but they're everywhere and like and now as you finally realize that the the they've already put down the drawbridge for you to run onto the boat what do you do and then and there's a timer it's like 10 9 8 7 see what do you do what's the obvious answer grab one grab two grab three and jump on the boat but you know what a lot of us say is hey I can't really get them you know I'm not going to get all these diamonds so I'll just get on the boat because there's there's really every commandment it's not you may be obligated in them but stop looking at it as all-or-nothing it's not healthy psychologically it's too much - it's a big-ass God has a big ask he's asking a lot he's asking a lot and and if you look at it as one big ass then you're gonna be you know you're gonna be running away but if you just look at it whether it's this Mitzvah oh I could shake a Lula okay I could sitting asuka like can't get easier than that you know the whole mitzvah is to dwell in Asuka it's like you know you don't even need a very high IQ to do that you know just sitting there and you're doing the commandment you know that the just grab one at a time if you can grab one diamond grab it but what happens is we wind up equating one commandment with like all 613 you know one commandment with like all of them and so we're like here and and Oh cuz I didn't do that once I'm out you know we're just crazy and by the way if those who have seen me put this on the board I'm gonna say this again because it's a little rough what I'm about to say is that there's a very special kind of Jew it's about half of Jewish males maybe a little less maybe forty five percent of Jewish males and they're called Nicky's in Hebrew Nicky's stands for Nessa code you sewed and they're really since they're sensory type people they're USB cable is to like taste it you know they want to feel it they want to like they want to they want you know they like Mick fuzz you know they like they want it all over you know they want they want they like chillin you know they they like their physical they like to build they're often builders they're often will go into a construction and and become ultimately you know wealthy builders and stuff there there are physical guys and you know what this one commandment is there's one commandment is the commandment to study the Torah just to study it now tell me do people were a very physical like sitting in front of books a lot none so you have 45% of Jews Jewish men who are being forced to go to school for year after year after year after year and then after they get married they're supposed to keep going I mean it's I can't tell if the miracle is that they don't kill themselves or just open fire on the community you know understand like that the community is murder murdering these boys who have 612 Commandments just going like this cuz what do they love they love physical thing well almost every commandment is very physical your dwelling that sucker you know you you drink the kiddush you you uh you know you you say the prayers you shake the lulav you blast the shofar you know it's like the whole thing's the whole Torah was written for these guys but we made them feel like we made them feel like they were they were out and I wish we could somehow shift things you know I wish we could shift things and it's not to create their own yeshiva that's what they try to well give them their own place to destroy so don't miss anybody else up you know that's not the answer Judaism itself tells us that you put people who are criminals with you put them with the Kohanim you put him in the Levitical cities to spend time with the holiest people you want them around holy people yeah you want them with all the people not away from holy people so you're like putting them in their own little uh their own little like Muncie penitentiary to like to like you know destroy the place of some crazy tuna bagel yeshiva you know not the answer now um let's get back let's get back to our subject our subject is that is that we we stopped blaming because in the end were our own perpetrator cuz no one's bothering you right now and the other is you stop complaining and what does it mean to stop complaining to stop complaining means to surrender to the fact that whatever's going on in your life is part of some great divine plan there's some plan here because when you think about what it is to complain complaining about something is basically saying that the world isn't the way you designed it and the answers you're right it's not the way you designed it is the way God designed it and God designed it in such a way that you would grow the most we're here to grow God runs seminars okay you're in his seminar I can dice on the ayran the possible use seminar now I don't know how many years I put people into great discomfort and they grow they grow and the analogy we use in the seminar is popcorn because popcorn kernels they're not into growing popcorn kernels they are not very expansive they are you know they are like highly resistant highly resistant you got one of those on your you know between two teeth you might break the teeth before you break the kernel then no one would even try now you want to try to break a fresh popcorn kernel with your teeth no thank you bad idea they are not very pliable they don't they don't expand well but when put into great discomfort they pop I mean they get it gets hot they're like what is going on in here you know cuz they don't expand you know you put something else in there just kind of like whatever's going on in here it's kind of like a sauna and starting to chill you know and the popcorn don't chill man they pop and and human beings also we because we are so growth resistant God's seminars just too darn you're in God seminar but it's so darn slow and you're so damn dense you're just so damn thick that you'll spend the rest your life blaming and complaining and not grow at all that's what you'll do and some you'll find some therapist you paid 200 bucks a week and they'll just put some stamp that you're right now time about the good therapist some Adobe enabler like the California therapist don't do any don't do anything you don't want to for you don't do anything you don't want to like you mean I can't act like I'm five I girls don't do anything alone so anyway the they'll put a stamp on it and you'll just spend the rest of your life blaming and complaining while you're in this massive seminar called God seminar and all the discomfort just makes you more and more bitter and resentful and less and less interested in God and more and more pushing God out God seminars very slow and you are very dense and the reason why I keep saying God seminar slow you're probably looking at me like rabbi like it's a little blasphemous to like comment about God's timing you know and and the answer is is that the reason why I call it slow is because we're so dense today and we're so we're so stubborn and it's also we're we're so far away that we've created such a huge philosophy around our lives meaning around all the dysfunctional stuff all our little dysfunctional scrap without yes obviously all of our dysfunctional scrap we have perfectly worked out why it makes all the sense in the world meaning you had you have become this like philosophy major why everything dysfunctional about you makes all the sense in the world meaning dysfunction is functional as long as you have a reason and it said again dysfunctional is functional as long as you have a good reason and that's it that's called Bing Bing dense dense means you're thick yeah we can't reach you you're not movable you don't grow because you're dysfunction is totally backed up with a world of blaming and complaining and all kinds of philosophies and family mythologies and and it's like there's nothing true going on over there and so God's got his hands tied behind its back to give you anything good because the way you grow best is through going through stuff but you don't grow through that either because you can't stop blaming and complaining and the world gets harsher as you go man I'm telling you those young people in this room everyone will cut you a lot of slack when you're young but it gets harsher as you start growing people like nobody wants a blame or a complainer so I have people working for me man no one's blaming or complaining my organization there they are not for hire you know and and they're and they're also it's not just me there's a lot of corporations that have it as a rule Apple won't take a Apple will not hire blamer kind of facebook won't Amazon will in their actual corporate you know structure anyone into blaming and complainings not coming - not gonna be working for them you know these big corporations have themselves they have a filtering device now if they so love you and think you're so amazing and like you have so much to offer their corporation but you're a blame or a complainer but they still want you they'll send you this a similar like like money like the possibly and you'll just find yourself into someone icing as they pay for they actually pay for it and you will not set foot in your you will not sit at your desk until you first spent a week crying your eyes out getting real and having some seminar leader poke holes in your disaster of what you call order I mean with all your reasons it's you've created a whole order out of all this you know that but it's a disaster and no one wants to give you a paycheck even if you do your job right no once you have a paycheck to someone who could even potentially blame and complain and so there's many companies where you'd never even sit at your desk till you go into some seminar because God's seminar is slow and it was developed for people who were not as thick as we are people didn't live this way in the past they were much more real fathers were always in the spotlight of their sons they couldn't hide in office chairs there was not know our fathers were ripped away from us we didn't we didn't we were raised by women you know feminist era it's like no wonder guys were in tight pants now a little purple socks and you know their little their little dandy little booties you know in their in their tight shirts and stuff like like we were raised by women we were raised to apologize for a man and our fathers were stolen from us we were instead of being taught traits and being out there with the men and and and work in the fields and and learning what it is to be a man for a family and for parents and for you know the only exception by the way is her 80 men black cattitude men's three years old your teachers are males from then on you have male teachers and and you're with boys and you're with men and you're always together and you're learning the tradition of men for thousands of years thousands years of traditions of manhood we have our own traditions like women have their traditions we have our traditions these are age-old thousands of year old traditions instead what do we get we had total gender dysphoria with men today they don't even know who they are anymore and which makes take a responsibility as a man ten times more scary and with all those philopon with all those nihilistic atheistic philosophy is no wonder these guys are want to just take their lives or just numb it all on drugs until they died from an overdose because it's he's not a man but yet the world of taking on the male roles is is waiting for them not very patiently it's cruel ultimately as you get older it gets cruel and so it's a major ripoff and that one of the pot very positive things about the Heredia society is is that men are together there's a tradition of for men we're coming up to Yom Kippur and and the only way Yom Kippur is gonna work for you is if you stop blaming and complaining and you start pointing those three fingers at you when you come into shoreland Russia on Yom Kippur I want you to come in if you come to a just coming like this you know like kind of like kind of like Trump the economy is going great you know instead of pointing in them those three fingers it make an okay sign point those fingers edge at you and realize that you're in a seminar God is is massaging your life into shape to create something very great and I'll tell you the one last thing is that you can turn your complaints and your even your blame into healing healing leaves in tea that you can have people drink from because if you heal your life you know raise your hand here anyone feels I gotta heal their life a bit and we're gonna heal their life okay right if you got a healer that I don't want a nail I'll give me AB up okay give me a buff okay okay keep your hands up raise your hand if you know people with a similar background who need the healing even more because they're not even getting help at this point raise your hand raise your hand if there's no one better keep your hand up it's just probably no I'm better than you that once you heal to help them it's probably you and raise your hand if you'll keep your hand up if you'll sleep well at night knowing that besides making a living or anything else you did that you made a difference for somebody in this world right if you'd sleep well knowing there so you guys got you guys got great stuff coming your way get healed up stop blame and stop complaining heal your life and and then start making a difference for other people shut up thank you very much