Rabbi Yom Tov Glaser: How to Be Happy

Davidov up gentlemen welcome to practical spirituality here at a tour in the old city of jerusalem overlooking the Temple Mount today we're going to talk about the four pronged way of how to be happy I happen to have recently one in the happiest person in Jerusalem award now I would never thought I was that happy because I'm not that happy but it turns out that a popular rabbi decided that I was the happiest person in Jerusalem how'd it happen as someone went up to this popular rabbi and said said are you happy he said I think I'm happy and then what happened was nine he said he said you know anyone who's happy he says I know one person in the city that I know it's happening he said who's that he said you know Glaser and so I only heard this from the rabbi who said this he came up later and told me that someone asked him this he said any and so the guy said do you know anyone else was happy he says I have about nine other people that I think might be happy but there's only one person I know is happening and that's up Glaser so so I was like there was greatest compliment I ever had because I thought I was happy but I didn't like no I was having but now I know I'm after you imagine if you like got a stamp on your forehead that you're happy maybe we should start naming more kids yom tov you know it means good day after all so it's a rough name when you're depressed i'll tell you that yeah hum toh hai good day so anyway the so and then he tells me my secret the guy tells me my secret which is gonna be the first one we're gonna talk about and that's the first of the four that we're gonna talk about he tells me my secret you know what my secret is he's his he says you don't give a damn what anyone thinks that's number one so number one it don't give a damn what anyone thinks okay you got the first one so now there's a positive way of saying that that's negative is it don't give a damn the other way is to be self-generated be self-generate what's the opposite of self-generated others generated can anyone here raise their hand and say they're truly self-generated no one can say that and the truth is I can't either really because there are days I mean everyone has off days but you want to know the beautiful thing is if you're self generating most of the days on the off day when you're not guess what everyone generates for you whatever you been generating until now because people generally give you what you've been putting out I mean think about how you how you're given who you are by everybody but where did they get that you got it from you mostly vibrationally but also just what you do you know how you look how smart you are what's your gender all these things are given to you by others I mean you really know you're a man or a woman till you look in the mirror I mean who are you really I mean do you really have a gender until someone relates to you that way so so the I mean we're all pretty androgynous in our style you know some women are more have more a little more male in them as a minute more women in them I pitted the food with too much woman in them yeah because they're get attracted to men and then they're they're miserable because they think something's wrong with them for the rest of life when there's nothing wrong with them it's just that they've got a lot of female in them so they're attractive males male and female are always attracted to each other you'll notice every couple even homosexual couples usually they have a man and a woman involved there and I don't mean multiple partners here I'm talking about one of them is the man and one of them is the woman in the relationship that's just the way it works now the anyway but the point is to be self generated that's where you want to go to so that's number one on our list of being happy and that's all memorize this a once a self-generated now can you always be so generated no but what are people gonna generate for you for you on those days you're just in a low they're gonna Jerry whatever you've been generating which is amazing if you're self generated you're you're covered all the ways and there are days I wake up where I am so down that I can't even like see straight and I know on a day like that I must get out of my house I just gotta get out of my house I gotta get around people might know me so I so I get out of my house and get on my mountain bike I start riding in the old city and someone's like hey rabbi so I'm like okay I'm a rabbi and then like I come flying down the stairs by the Cardo you know with the Roman pillars there and come flying down the stairs and some tour guide tour group goes do you have that crazy guy sound like a crazy rabbi and then I get to the door vation some guy walks up to me and says rabba you helped me so much help me so much you saved my life so I'm a life saving crazy rabbi and then I'll just go with that for the day life saving crazy rabbi that works for me and and so it's important to get out of your own your own stuff when you're down you're down that's a good day and also just one more reminder as if you're down that's a good day to do you'll notice when you're down you don't do you drop you're doing not the day to do that cuz life exists in being and in doing you got who you are and you got what you do that's all you got in life just who you are and what you do well on a day where who you are is like in the gutter so at least what's left what you do that's all you've got left so dropping what you do on a low and a low day is a really bad mistake because now you don't have who you are or what you do so it's really important on a low day to just hang in there and do the things that you said you do if you work for somebody show up if you and definitely make your bed definitely make your bed and also for those who have low mood clothing a lot of people have low mood clothing it's like sweats and hoodies and stuff like that yeah just throw that stuff away give it away to someone let someone else wear it on there low mood day but you dress to kill on a loanword day you dress for success you get dressed and eat like you're going to a wedding and what's gonna happen every lose generating using something like wow you look amazing you're like I do I don't feel amazing but I'll take the compliment and so always dress your very best in a low mood and don't forget the power of a little alcohol meaning like one drink one drink glass of wine one beer that's it cuz you don't get all tired and stuff and certain I want to be drunk unless you're you know I mean being a low mood and drunk it's not gonna help anyone and but you would drink a little alcohol I'm also in the morning hours is have a little extra caffeine like double the dose of caffeine in your coffee that can help get some cardiovascular activity do some cardiovascular activity that's always good to sweat it out because that changes your brain chemistry a little bit and and lastly is a do kindness for others cuz you're a lost cause so you might as well like help somebody help somebody who still has a life you know Go Go Go Go move someone's apartment who's trying to move you know or go reorganize someone's shelves or go wash some lady's dishes or something yeah cuz you're worthless today you're just worthless so so just knock on random people's doors and say can I wash your dishes I want to wash your dishes today so you go watch somebody's dishes cuz why not and you're a lost cause anyway okay so that's number one used to be so Jerry did I teach you how to be so generate or did I miss that part I'll leave it as a teaser whoever shows up tonight will learn at the men's program will learn how to be self generated okay sorry I'm sorry I don't have a women's section there cut them an onion yes you can and then you can cry okay number two number two is to leave in the present live in the present cuz you'll notice that you are always time-traveling you're thinking about the past worrying about the future anxiety is I'll show you the definition of anxiety this is uh this is us let's say this is now and this is all the stuff you got to do over the next let's say half a year okay so I have to run this event tonight you know like that's up there you know and then I've got next week seminar like that's pretty heavy and daunting and and then I got a bunch of other things going on and you know a lot happening in the future and we all do and now but can you guys handle now right now can you handle now now house now going is anyone who came with now right now no Kevin now yes or no yeah you're not okay now okay so let's fix something is it the temperature of the room the temperature is good is your chair and comfortable that's good so what's exactly the problem right now oh that's well that's what I was asking you is are you okay right now no what tecnine don't just say yes this is all part of the exercise I was moving her towards now things are more or less okay right now is there anything you'd change in this moment why not you're sitting in a classroom so right now you're gonna tell me if you ever had a anything other than right now ever happen in your life really you describe that I don't think you heard the question properly I don't listen the question have you ever hadn't have you ever had thankfully have you ever had anything right now this is in question carefully have you ever had anything other than right now happen in your life ever ever had anything other than now happen in your life okay just right it the answer's no yes you've never had anything but now ever happen ever we've only had now entire life I'm helping you I'm just getting straight to the point yeah you're welcome sorry to video yet the the you've never had anything but now does everyone get that I'm gonna ask you guys have you ever had anything but now happen never never you've always an only add now and I practice this by the way cuz you can always handle now so you know when I practice it you know when I practice this is when a dentist is coming up with with a needle you know it's like real up close and it's like heading towards the gums and then I'm thinking to myself now sucks but could I handle now yes no sure told me she'd be doing that for the next three weeks I mean II just this concept just pumpkin into my gums if that we're going on I'd probably I probably have like a good panic attack but in the moment of a needle coming towards my gums right there and then that you know just a little prick like that moment is is okay right now that I can handle now so as long as you don't project down the line you're good even with a needle poking into your gums it's two seats guys I don't really think I want to do with them you can do whatever you want with them you can even bring them forward if you want and slide it for a little so I can always handle now now but what's the problem is that you project into the future you project into this future and what another way of looking at that is see it like a drawbridge ready here comes everything's starting to slide into where everything's sliding into now now can you handle the next six months now can you handle next week now maybe depends what's in the schedule I think depends what's in the schedule but most of us can't handle the future now but that's exactly the definition of anxiety is letting the future collapse into the now now I'll tell you why you do that the reason why you do that is God created human beings and not just human beings probably a lot of creatures but he created us with a little part of our brain that's right between the two lobes so if you have this lobe and you have that lobe of the brain so there's this middle part that has a DM n in it it's the DM n it stands for the default mode Network and the default mode network job is to use the past to navigate the future that's why you know if if you if someone was driving you to spot would you prefer he's 16 or 35 we'll take the 35 version please and the reason why we like the 35 version is because he's got he's got some you know whatever 19 years 19 years of driving so what's happening is he's taking all those years of driving and everything that ever happened and he's projecting that into the future it's you know 70 miles per hour and what the demons job is is to to suppress stimulation from the rest of your brain suppress stimulation from the rest of your brain so that you can actually stay real focused on the drive itself and not so much on the music or a beautiful bird flying by or a gorgeous tree because that'd be dangerous you don't want it you want to basically cancel out as much as the scene but what's weird about it is the passengers looking at the same exact scene so they're both taking in the same exact stimulation except the drivers dmn is working double-time to suppress the experience of the moment in order that he can predict properly and most of what even though they're both seeing the same stuff the dmn will suppress all of the stimulation going around him in other words in other words the majority of what he sees is what's called predictive it's from based on the past he's basically predicting the scene more than he's in the scene so like 90% they say I mean I don't know if that's true but 85% 90% of what he's seeing he's not saying it's all predictive so he's not really experiencing the drive at all he's just living inside his predictive default mode network to get somewhere safely which by the way is really good news cuz you want that when driving at 70 miles per hour but here's the problem is that your default mode network things are going 70 miles per hour when you walk into a wedding reception because you remember times you're embarrassed when you're a kid you also had experiences of embarrassment public embarrassment everyone's had that happen when they were little and you also have this experience also when going for a job or some kind of interviewer to join a school or something like that to join anything because there were times we you were not picked for the team and you weren't picked for the show or the play and there you know what it's like to fail that's something you've tried and everyone's gotten a bad grade on something and so you think you're going 70 miles per hour when you're actually just going for a job interview and it's gonna be really hard to choose you for that position because you're you're you're just you're not really present you're in the predictive mind which means 90 percent of you is not even there ten percent easy was just trying to move appropriately you know based on what's based on this interviewer that's coming at you and when it comes to Authority for example dealing with people who are either older than you or your parents or your in-laws or your or your teachers or your Headmaster's the deans of the Manoj Heil are the or the Rocha Shiva's or the police or the government or the Tax Board or they or God or whenever you're dealing with that you remember times in your childhood when your sense of autonomy had been taken away because you wanted something badly and your parents said no or the teacher said no or someone said no and so now you think you're going 70 miles per hour when you're dealing with your boss and things just keep going sideways when you're trying to interact with your boss or with people administrating the school you're in or something because you're not you just don't move well you don't move well which is great going down a highway but it's not great when you're when you're just dealing with administration or a boss or a an investor or something like that I can keep going I'm not gonna keep going because we got two other ways to deal with but but basically this dmn is where you do all your time travel where you take your past and you project it on to the future in order for you to which turns the whole world into a constant prediction which means you're not present so you don't live in this world you're living in a world that is that is conceptual because think about it your dmn has to turn everything into a concept and unlike the driver who at least 10% of them is focused on the car in front of him you're not even focused on the person across from you because you've gotten so conceptual that and also it's pretty it can cause a lot of anxiety dealing with someone across from you look how many times you look away while you're standing across from somebody well you have to keep looking away and you'll even turn your whole head a bit you don't know and you move your eyes you move your whole head away in fact it's a little eerie when people don't do that it's awkward when people just stay focused on you and they're okay in their own skin meeting the guy in the car at least got 10% going for the watch in the car in front of them for its brake lights but you could be standing right across from somebody and you're not even there because you're just trying to you're just trying to calculate your next move in the interaction and if you think that goes away in marriage I wish it did it don't marriage is even harder in some ways cuz it's even more awkward to have to be you know locked in like that so there's almost no way out except for work so get a job stay late now so living in the present has become really in this class from where we're holding and maybe this is by the way it differently because you've all heard a class about living in the present I mean that's like this is all news regarding personal growth work and spirituality and you know New Age stuff and and not to mention tons of Torah classes on living in the present but we've like we've taken this to the next level where we're we're literally we're literally living numb to the experience of life that's around us and it's happening physiologically it's not like it's nothing it's not like this is something we've done wrong here this is just your physiology sensing danger where there is none it's your physiology facing danger where there is none for example everyone in this room is so damn safe I mean there's like I mean they even the scariest looking one of you and I'm believing I'm not gonna let you know who that is the and it's a female by the way the the scariest one and looking one of you in this room and it's not you you wouldn't hurt a fly the end anyway no all the women are wondering who's the dangerous looking woman ears anyway the you're also extremely safe let me tell you a little story about just how safe you are there was a Gentile who was gonna commit suicide and before he committed suicide someone said to him well why don't you just give Christianity a chance and so I said well how am I gonna do that and he said move to go to Israel for a few weeks if that doesn't work kill yourself so he flies to Israel he goes to Bethlehem I don't know what he was expecting but let's just say it didn't work so he's on his way back the airport don't know why he didn't kill himself here but I'm glad glad he didn't cuz you know who wants to deal with that and the I mean they should really have it on the visas when the going come in here you know if you're coming to decide whether you're killing yourself like sign here that you'll do it once you leave so because we chose that I Baron you in the Holy Land so in the anyway so the so he wasn't gonna kill himself here he also hadn't settled as a fear his affairs he had to deal with all his affairs and everything in and anyway on his way out he decides to come to the Western Wall at the Western Wall someone invites him to a class he comes up to this class it's my class and I've got like criss cross in my class okay this tall blonde guy who's like looks Nordic yeah and and he was Nordic he was American but he was like he looked like he like just like landed from Oslo or something so so anyway I'm looking at this guy and he's in my class and at the end of class I suddenly realized oh my gosh I forgot to go to bake and I was welding 14 thousand shekels I forgot to go the bank by the way I only heard the story years and years later well I heard the story years and years later because a blonde tall man with pious came up to me in spot I would never remember this story or know anything about the story I'm telling you here if he hadn't told me in spot about like three years ago I was on a date with my wife it's fine and so we take along dates and we were on a date and this blonde guy told you know Paul Bunyan comes up to me and tells me I saved his life and I'm like how did I save your life and he tells me the story I'm telling you anyway I think you I forgot to put the 14 thousand shekels in the bank and he's gonna close my account if it doesn't get in on time and so so I look over the class and I'm thinking wait these people are here to learn Tara I can't hand it to one of them I have to go teach more classes I mean I'm not gonna skip my glasses I need someone to walk this 14 thousand shekels to the King George so I figured but one person who isn't commanded to learn Tara and the room was Paul Bunyan this tall blond Gentile so I go up to Oh I forgot to part of the story was that he had lost all trust he had lost all trust he'd been in and out of jail his family disowned me he liked he made a lot of mistakes and lost trust I don't know if any of you know what that's like to lose trust especially of your immediate family but it's nasty man don't try that at home you know don't lose trust of your loved ones like that is the most empty feeling in the world that creates the kind of hole in your heart that basically only narcotics can fill check it out go go to the streets you know and go find a nice junkie and interview him on where he went wrong and I promise you he lost trust with his immediate family and the only thing that suits it is something you take after open-heart surgery now the anyway tells me that whole story and he says you handed me 14,000 chuckles you didn't ask my name I didn't have a phone who's before cellphones yeah I didn't have a cellphone you didn't have a nothing and you just handed me 14,000 chuckles you wrote down the address on King George Street your account number your name and you sent me off and Here I am walking up Ben Yehuda Street with 14 thousand shekels and thinking someone trusts me and it's a rabbi and that was it I get it changed his life and he said from here I can rebuild from there like he trusts me I can rebuild from there and I worked on this for years I used to lose hundreds of dollars and stuff every year doing this kind of behavior I tried this for years my whole college career I trusted everybody and I lost several hundred dollars a year my roommates love they prided themselves on telling me how much I lost that year and they would like add everything out there like one surf board leash three bars of Wax no one ever still needs to report him you know your wetsuit booties one bong you know and and they're just going down a list of like everything I lost and I'm tallying it up and I'm like I'm like okay that came to three hundred dollars which to me is a savings of $500 and they're like what I mean is savings of $500 well if I had a subscription to be able to trust everybody for a year straight and living the pleasure of never having to look over my shoulder or ever having to be bothered whatsoever about my stuff would I spend $800 a year just for that just for that that I never have to worry about being harmed ever would I spend 800 bucks a month for that subscription the answers for sure I would so what the hell is 300 bucks man I saved 500 bucks and I got to live trusting people and people got to build themselves further because the more you trust people the more they build an Imagine is the effect on how trustworthy you are I'm hedging but I never thought about that if I imagine I'm considered pretty darn trustworthy I don't know I just thought of that like it maybe not yet you become more trustworthy I noticed people do trust me don't know okay now um anyway you're all living as if you're in danger when you're in a roomful of the safest people ever ever beep are safe now doesn't mean there aren't creepy people out there but you want to know something guess who creepy people go after I'll ask you right now creepy people who do they go after I'll tell you real simply they do not go after nice people no they go after another kind of person and I'll give you an example two examples one if a kid was badly bullied and now his parents go on vacation the kids playing in a playground with 50 other kids none of whom he knows and there happens to be a bully on the playground who is that bully gonna find your kid okay for sure you will find your kid and I know this for a fact because I've checked it out in detail he'll find your kid he will smell him out next fact during a in USA there's one percent chance of sexual assault on women 1% chance if a woman is sexually assaulted in her lifetime her chance should be a cornea statistics - some giant number in the thousands because it already happened except they now know that that her chance of being sexually assaulted again goes up to 40 percent you're in a room full of very safe people here unless of course you've been victimized in the past if you've been victimized in the past you're not that safe because because perpetrators smell you from a distance and you got to be careful and you got to clean your energy up big-time and there's ways to clean that energy but I generally um I don't mention MSOE here but you can clean your energy up and certainly my seminars are major energy cleaning but they're not specifically for that kind of trauma although it has led people on a path towards their healing having participated in the possible use seminar it's definitely helped people but it's not it's not the exact answer for that level of vibrational Distortion vibrational gunk on our otherwise clean vibrational energy now so that's number two for being happy as living in the present got that okay and live in the present and and and that's always available I mean we can just give a snap for that everyone's snapping two fingers on the count of four when you hear the number four you snap and then you take a nice inhale okay I'm doing you a favor turn off the AC just for a sec it's more fun when it's perfectly silent no one move a muscle if you're chewing gum stop for a second hey ready one two three terrible timing just hit the red button please turn off okay here we go one more time we're gonna snap no more no noise you're gonna breathe and just be in this moment 1 2 3 now for me to tell that guy to stop making noise over there is irrelevant too because that's happening in the present so it's perfectly fine because whatever happen in the present is what's happening in the present and we don't need to sweat it but it was fun to be totally silent that was good but it's all it's all good okay number three number three is to be aware that you're aware okay be aware that you're where are you aware that you're where are you aware that you're where everyone here aware that they're where yeah you're aware that you're we're okay this is the whole world of mindfulness is being aware that you're aware okay so everyone just stick with that you're aware and you're aware now let me talk about those two awarenesses cuz you have two awarenesses you have one awareness that's going on in the brain which is your awareness that there's an object here called me and you also see hear me so you see me you hear me that's the object then you have that object pressing against your neurons which is you're very aware of that so that's your one awareness but then there's your awareness of that and you're aware of your awareness of that so there's three things going on you got me you got the object which is me I'll draw a picture of me that's me and then you got your this is you here I'm not much of an artist here okay that's you I don't know how to draw a person okay whatever that's you and here you have this image of me ending with the sound but I don't know how to draw the sound okay with the sounds you're hearing is that clear okay but that's not you I mean are you me you know if you right now imagine someone praying at the Kotel it's your grandfather under tau is praying under the Kotel are you now your grandfather praying at the Kotel know you're aware of you thinking about your grandfather playing at the Kotel praying at the Kotel clear you're not that you have that you're you're aware of this you're aware of me up here the object which your eyes are you know projecting up to the brain via your optic nerves and your audio nerves are doing the same work but there's a you and I wouldn't have a place to put that although it definitely relates a lot to your back part of your brain but it's not you it's just that it's got a USB cable interface right there there's the little USB cable interface going up to a shim because there's something plugged into you right now called the neshamah and that miss Sherman that's plugged in is your awareness of your awareness and it's amazing it doesn't have a named and them a gendered then they have a look it doesn't have a style it doesn't have anything it's just pure presence so you have something that's called your awareness of your awareness and it's your pure presence now what happens what's been happening in your life is you've been getting hijacked by by this awareness and how do you know you got hijacked by that awareness because you had a loss in well beam stuck in your head well stuck in your thoughts stuck in your thoughts because there are no real thoughts in this part of the brain here there are no real thoughts I'm just using this part of the brain as than the shoma but there's no initial in your brain so but you're getting stuck in your thoughts so you're either up here or you're here but what happens is we can't help but get stuck there like I was sitting at the airport the other day I was on my way to run a seminar in Muncie I just come back from Costa Rica but my flight stopped him for at Lauderdale so here I am like basically in a meditative state which is my general state when I'm not doing something so there I am at the airport just wait and waiting for my flight and eventually I realized my flight was supposed to leave about a half hour ago so I decide to ask the guy next to me no cuz I had music cranking so I figured that oh I heard announcements like the only announcement what's up ladies come on in we got a two seats available I think hey we're all are co3 hey is it after 4:00 rabbi okay there's no there's no room right now for this ladies want to come over here so you can just hear these last words this is gonna be important what you're about to hear I'm not sure why but I figure if you came in now you meant to you this cue turn the AC back on and we forgot the AC so anyway I realized that I miss my flight I asked the guy next me I heard one announcement saying that there's you know can eight people please come up and we'll offer you a free trip if you'll get rid of your seat because I keep it on low please the thing so we'll offer you a free you know free fly because we overbooked sorry heard that announce him but I figured all the other announcements were that the flight was delayed here I finally asked the guy next to him sing where is our flight delayed he says no it's right it's on time I said I was supposed to leave like a half hour ago why we all still sit in here and like where are you going and he says he says mmm [Music] Newark I'm like no we're going to LaGuardia he's like oh no that's the next game I pull out my ticket I show it says this gate and then I look underneath it says subject to change does that ticket was issued in Costa Rica so so I was like I run it over the gate over there I already see there's no plane there and I'm like I'm like hell man yeah but but what had happened is I got my frontal lobe here yeah hijack my soul got hijacked by my thoughts all my well-being was gone that meditative state was history and I was like I mean it was like fingernails on the chalkboard it was like the violins in a horror movie it was like it was like a full freakout experience I mean I was freaking out and and the lady had mercy on me and I did get on that I got on that Newark flight and I arrived at the seminar 1:06 not even on my book ticket meaning meaning my Knicks plane was leaving at noon I had to be in front of you know 33 men at 1:00 p.m. were pre booked and paid and like it would have been really really bad really really bad and but Hashem has away don't forget it was an overbooked flight by eight seats and I managed to get on there with my carry ons and the guitar now this is being aware you're aware if you're not aware you're aware so then you're just lost okay and then the last step which we're not gonna be able to go into with any detail now is oh I've already cried to date but I had deep feelings and out came the tears and you're listening as someone who never cried I didn't cry for like 20 years I was so buffing in tan surfing internationally like surfing man don't cry okay like I was so living in that pure pure you know not in the present moment but just like contextualizing everybody in and like just trying to survive all the time people used to ask me what surfing was like out there in the big waves and seven I I don't oh it was so cool but really I was lying I was just trying to impress somebody so P would have something talk about that night I risked my life over and over again for that and it was a joke I was just had terrible social anxiety and and the best way to beat it was be the hottest surfer in town and but I was so not present but I've learned over the years that the happiest people in the world are toddlers who cries more than that yeah they cry when they feel they cry and so I learned from the toddlers you got a cry all the time and that takes time to learn how to cry okay everyone that was our class today Shalom everybody oh wait one more thing this rabbi is amazing rabbi he feeds a family every Shabbos from this class literally us whatever we give him is what that family eats so if it jingles it buys Pringles if it folds it buys I need a good rhyme it buys fish and meat even polls advise me polls show them everybody so please help help out you'll feel good eating Chaves knowing this family hat