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Rabbi Yom Tov Glaser: Acceptance Vs Approval
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Transcript
Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
shut up and welcome to practical
spirituality here in the in Asia tour in
the old city of jerusalem overlooking
the Temple Mount so there's various
subjects that are on the table right now
and I don't know how to handle all of
them or whether I should we're in the
middle of the discussion of acceptance
and approval making sure we don't blur
those two because things get really
messed up and but maybe what I'll do is
I'll handle three topics today so we'll
make three different classes so we'll do
three classes three shorties so I think
that's the best move I need a black pens
or black pen room here I'll use green so
yesterday what we handled was the
distinction between acceptance and
approval and we had handled when we blur
approval with acceptance which means
that you're that the only two people you
accept other people you approve of which
means basically you accept nobody you
wind up accepting nobody meaning you're
accept only those your approval and by
the way it's not like you it's not like
you approve of people who are you know
better than you are higher than you are
more strict than you or more observant
than you or more something than you you
don't approve them either you know
that's the famous line in Judaism is
that is that anyone any one more
observant than me is an extremist and
anyone less observant than me as a
so so it's not like we only approve a
people lesser standards even people
higher standards we don't approve of and
so we wind up really not accepting
anybody but acceptance and approve are
two very separate words they have two
very separate Tiffany
there is no reason you should be
blurring them it's just that there's
certain things in life that when we
don't distinguish them properly they get
blurred certain things get blurred like
for example people talking there they're
often not saying what they're really
feeling but you'd be an idiot to follow
their line of the words they're saying
versus what they're feeling cuz you're
gonna wind up in a lot of very dramatic
and experiences and you're gonna have a
very dramatic interactions with people
for example someone who's angry is
probably feeling small but then when
they're angry they usually yell so when
they're yelling you end up yelling back
and now you made him even smaller and so
like good job good job taking a small
person and and slamming them down even
further you understand you you'd you'd
want to distinguish that but we're we
naturally don't distinguish certain
things and we have to learn to
distinguish between what someone's
saying versus what they may be feeling
so that we're careful with the way we
interact so in this particularly sorry
about all this noise by the way in case
you're noticing needs a lot of
peripheral noise we have an army band
playing at the Kotel okay army band
playing down there it's a good time to
tighten my belt a little bit when you're
as thin as me your belt is really
important especially speaking wide now
the anyway but what happens is we have
high standards of approval and then the
and then so anyone more anyone less is
out and we wind up only accepting those
people now acceptance is what leads to
love I'm just catching people up on
yesterday it leads to love and so if you
want to have a loving life which is your
most important thing there's nothing
anyone in here wants more than love in
their life so if you want to have that
you have to distinguish approval an
acceptance and start to accept all
people and the way you accept all people
is just by understanding that every
he's doing the best with what they've
been given even if they're doing the
worst right now and you're looking at
them you're like that does not look like
someone's best for him that's the best
he can do right now everyone's always
doing the best they can do given the
circumstances and so if you were living
yeahit's if you had lived that person's
life that would be you and so right now
that person is doing the best of what
they've been given which may be quite
lousy but it had you been then that'd be
you doing that lousy thing so whatever
people are up to is what you'd be up to
and so don't and the only reason you're
who you are sitting in your seat right
now is your history that led to you
sitting and that sitting there what led
me to my history is me standing up here
and it all led to me standing up here
and so I totally accept you because
whatever you're up to in your life I
would have been up to ahead I lived your
life we can't get enough free way you
just misunderstood me you were thinking
that if you used your brain in my life
that would have been totally different
I'm talking about you using my brain in
Europe in my life you would've wound up
right here because I used my brain in my
free will all these years and wound up
standing in front of you speaking right
now and you used all your free will in
your brain all your life and it wound up
with you right there and if we switched
you would just be me right now talking
to you and you be and I'd be listening
to to you right now but instead it's me
talking to you don't worry about you
misunderstood a little but I think
hopefully you got it this time and it's
a review from yesterday where we dealt
with the misunderstanding that every
person has and you better buy that bike
quick bro cuz it's gonna go soon and I
don't have your number oh it's too much
money did I tell you price okay it was
too much okay it's nothing really
no even the amount even for what I'm
selling in superb prices let me tell you
something never say if I have the money
cuz you just get to commit it you get
committed to something and then it
happens you know if you know what life
looks like for people who say if I only
had the money when you meet them thirty
years down the line you know what
they're saying thirty years later if I
only have the money I'm not kidding I
know people in their fifties sixties and
seventies who still aren't getting
anywhere near their bucket list because
they can't stop saying if they only had
the money whereas all the other people
are fulfilling their bucket list you
know what they're doing they're booking
with travel agents to the places they
want to go on their bucket list and the
travel agents like okay you want to give
me your credit card number and they give
the credit card number even though they
don't really have the money but they
give the credit card mom never and
because they're so single mindedly
committed to getting this stuff done in
their life some other random thing
happens and gets paid for gets paid for
the money just comes in cuz money
follows commitment and those who think
commitment follows money will spend the
rest of their lives dreaming and get
nothing done now by the way I'm not
saying you should buy the bike but it
was a perfect segue for someone who
thinks money comes after a commitment
money doesn't come after sorry that
commitments come after money everyone
got that
money is just a money is just something
that enables things money just enables
stuff and the and and so you gotta be
into you stay focused on the stuff
mm-hmm
the money will enable it but if you try
to stay focused on them on the money
well I just will never come until it's
got money only comes when you have
something to buy but if you don't have
anything to buy why would the money ever
so I meet people all the time they feel
they can't afford to get married there's
so the money will never come whereas
someone else who's committed to getting
married the money comes understand
someone who's committed to writing an
exotic mountain bike the money comes
somebody who's committed to someone
who's trying to figure out the money
never get the exotic mountain bike will
never ever know what it is stone in
mecca's I found like a ride one beside
besides obviously borrowing one and
you're talking to someone you're
listening to someone right now who who's
like you know brother Jim I'm a bit of a
I you know I I have abundance does
follow me around a bit but the reason
why I Bundys follows me around of it
it's not because I'm like mister like
you know money management
I'm just mr. commit to things and then
the money comes every time I've been
living this way for years and years and
years and years and years and I've
talked many many people about this too
I told this to two guys who couldn't
afford my seminar this week there were
two people who just didn't have $650 for
the seminar and the discount was $500
and the people didn't have $500 didn't
come but there were two guys I spoke to
who said I don't have the monies I wish
I could do your seminar I really need it
and I told them exactly what I'm telling
you I said just commit to it just commit
to it he said well what am I gonna say
when I get to the front desk and they
want to register me and they asked me
for my credit card or a check or cash
you tell him that Rabbi Glazer said just
stay committed and I don't even know who
these guys were
but I just got a whatsapp this morning
while I was meeting with one of the
participants and whatsapp came from the
the you know the the manager the
seminars like there's two boys who don't
have any money
so like the seminars short a thousand
bucks and so I was just reading this
thing and and the guy sitting next to me
was meeting with said what's this what
do you what's the thousand bucks you
reading him out and I said there's two
boys in my seminar
around 1,000 bucks he says okay whatsapp
your credit card to your secretary I'll
take care of it
boom just like that covered it's covered
and and it is time after time after time
it's just another story every time but
you get to MIT committed to the stuff
and let God worry about how to have it
what resources are gonna be necessary
there that's God's problem your problems
only laser beam focus on what you want
in this life we have a saying in Judaism
that aim Devereaux amid busines rut
sight there's nothing that stands in
front of desire your desire causes when
you have desire it causes the the
entities that God created the world with
there's all these worlds and they're
filled with entities it causes those
entities to conspire your desire causes
these entities to conspire to fulfill
that which you desire
don't do it anyway haven't you uh noted
watch look at the showing of hands here
Rajon have you ever desired you ever
wanted something that was not good for
you ultimately not spiritually or maybe
not physically okay keep your hands up
if you got it look around look same
people yeah God created the world this
way we have another term that says the
Darracq seldom writes it Laila Iqbal
Malik and my site in the way that a
person wrote say desires to go they
whose day they will take him there who
are they they are the entities in Hebrew
they're called Moluccan the entities are
will conspire around your desire as long
as you want it bad enough they will
conspire for your desire even if it
hurts you even if it's against God even
if it's against terra
God created the world this way and now
you might say well if I were God I
wouldn't let some of this stuff happen
because people get hurt
all you have to do is look back a little
more than seventy years even see a lot
of people getting hurt World War two say
if I were God I wouldn't let that I
wouldn't have that mechanism be it's
quite so powerful it's too powerful that
so the answer is this because is that
God you know God would say if you if you
said that to God God you know and then a
little too much power of desire too much
power of free will will means desire to
want something as to will something too
much free will and then Scott you know
what God would say to you you say
there's things about me that you just
don't understand
because he's in an fwf God is a fwf you
know fwf is a free-will freak god's a
free-will freak he's crazy about crazy
about your choices and you want to know
them you want to honor people you want
to honor people who died in the
Holocaust
I want to honor them make some good
choices today because they only died
because God put that much free will in
the world there's that much fuel in the
system you can shoot yourself in the
foot if you choose to in Hill it'll help
you do that there's tremendous free will
in the system so much free will that six
million of our brothers and sisters
perished third of our people were wiped
out because of this way overabundance of
freewill and conspiring of desiring of a
human desire so you want to honor them
make a good choice make a good choice
cuz God wants us He loves us and he
wants to give us the a chance to earn
closeness to God
and the only way you can earn closest
God is you have to be able to go the
other way and what if every time you
tried to do something wrong he stopped
you you wouldn't have any free will so
he has to allow you to do the wrong
things in order to give you reward and
so God's just kind of crazy about
freewill ones
just when you thought the music down
below was disruptive now we got some
kind of ball to a jam session take care
of that
okay so so the anyway but now we need to
go the other way
is will only accept the people we
approve of but you know one of the most
beautiful things that ever happened in
the world was acceptance acceptance is
amazing I mean think about everyone who
accepts you you love everyone accepts
you you love everyone you hater people
really you suspect you didn't that
didn't accept you in people you don't
like or all the people you think didn't
accept you so acceptance is something
very beautiful
we all have acceptance and what has
happened in Western society with the
millennia is that they have it started
1960s but it ultimately gave birth to
the millennial generation that is
acceptance is number one that's it
acceptance which is beautiful it's
beautiful and the problem is they have a
blurred with approval so they think not
only do you have to accept everybody
else after why you also have to approve
of everybody well if you're improving
everybody because acceptance you know
you gotta accept everybody said we're
gonna blur that with approval that means
that there's no more such a thing as
right and wrong that means there's no
more right and wrong so you not only
they say there's no more right and wrong
there's no more gender and then there's
no more even hierarchy of competence
it's like if you're particularly good at
something or you're particularly high IQ
you're supposed to earn the same amount
as someone who's not so good at it and
is of lower IQ which is like I mean
that's a good way to have your society
completely fall apart because our
society is running only on its expertise
whether it be in surgical medicine and
and chemistry or engineering we want
people with high IQs we want to throw a
lot of money at those people so they'll
want to do the jobs that are keeping us
safe and building the aircraft and
flying that aircraft and and that's fine
that's just great
but they want to just wash all that
stuff out because you're not accepting
this is such a beautiful thing which we
agree with but they also want to make it
that there's no such thing as Ron right
so they've got these blurred badly and
it's and it's super dangerous super
dangerous especially if you're Jewish
and all the more so if you're an
observant Jew because if you're an
observant Jew you are enemy number one
because in a world of washed out washed
out morals where everything's become
equal equality when you live in a world
of washed out morals you are the enemy
if you're an observant Jew you're
literally the enemy of the people you're
the enemy of progressiveness the world
doesn't progress because of your
influence and if we get rid of you then
somehow we can get back to our
progressive art the progression of
society if you're an observant Jew that
autumn almost automatically makes you a
racist
[Music]
and your bigoted bigoted your sexist and
your and your and if you're an observant
to where men are the leaders your your
your you're part of the something
patriarchy I forget what it's called
it's something patriarchy what does it
call I can ask you guys but you're just
part of that patriarchy that's the Latin
patriarchy is some father picturing like
males males dominating society
everywhere we're literally like we're
everything they hate were everything
they hate you to do the Torah forbids
homosexuality calls it an abomination
the tort forgets having a sex change
it's a forbidden by the Torah for me to
even wear a woman's scarf if I'm cold
I mean I'm cold and I gotta walk from
here to there and the only scarf around
is is you know a ladies scarf that's not
even that clearly a lady scarf but it's
for sure not a man scarf I can't wear it
it's a tort commandment like not eating
pork like circumcision like Oh
circumcision is certainly mutilation
right circumcision and the baby didn't
choose it how dare you understand like
you are the enemy of the Millennial
Generation if you're an observant Jew
now you might say oh then then surah the
Muslims I mean there are more backwards
than we are know when it comes to
Muslims now we're fighting for their
freedom fighting for their freedom they
want to be self-determining in in London
in France and they they how dare you
tell them how that they can't cover
their entire body with fabric you know
we we fight for them they're the
oppressed of Israel there are Israel's
there they're the Israel's victims of
the Israeli apart
tiny state even though often in our
Parliament like the third big the third
party will be Arab but well we'll ignore
that so you have to realize that if
you're Jewish you're just you're just
the enemy of the West and and it's an
insult for beautiful reasons because
acceptance is super high up there as it
is for us but they have blurred with
approval once you blurt with approval
watch out and if you think those
millennial you know peace love and like
an equality of wealth and all the other
mark system communistic ideas that they
have you think they're very peaceful cuz
they do like to wear rainbows and stuff
you know they seem really peaceful yeah
you should know that I mean you don't
have to ask me just just Google what has
been the Missouri what has been in the
US the majority of political violence
hasn't come from the left or the right
in the last in the last three years
whereas political violence coming up
from the left side or the right side
yeah it's almost all from the left it's
almost all from the left you go on
youtube and watch all the left people
freaking out freaking out over someone
wearing a trump shirt you know as if
that's like insightful to wear a shirt
that has the president in the United
States name on it you know there's great
violence in the left great violence it
swings quickly to violence and that's
where all the peace came from which is
really weird but can I just explain them
in case some of you were a little
baffled why the why the peace and the
freedom fighters and the equality people
and we're all the same you know why
there's why the violence comes from
there the violence comes from there
because it becomes justified because
when you feel strongly enough about
acceptance you feel strongly enough
about equality and there are elements
amongst the society that are Ted her
like still whole
up for the old you know like values that
have worked for thousands of years
you know values that actually have been
kind of creating the fabric of society
for years like if you if though if those
people's tastes are sensed as a threat
to progress it's not far off to
dehumanize them it's not far off to
dehumanize them because they're in the
way and you could we could all get that
like let's say we're all hanging out at
a party and we're all like having a
great time and you know it's California
and like everyone's just enjoying
themselves and it's chill on the music's
playing and Sun lights shining and we're
all having a great time but meanwhile
somewhere from the East Coast comes and
lights a cigarette at the party they
just didn't realize me they just arrived
they don't understand that you don't
smoke cigarettes if you're from
California like ever not indoors not
outdoors norm never know where like it
just doesn't exist nobody smokes he
didn't know except he happen to be a
little stubborn he's like what everyone
chill out man it were like we're not
chilling out man we're not smelling that
stuff like just get it out of here and
don't even smoke it anywhere near the
building so it doesn't come in the
windows please and he's like chill out
make a relaxed just a cigarette you know
you'll get used to it
no harm no foul you know just a little
smoke you know some people like the
smell anyway you imagine that guy that
keeps stays in there you know so the
most chill people in the world are gonna
eventually just throw that sucker out of
there physically you know that someone's
gonna pick him up and throw him out of
there and teach him a little West Coast
lesson you know about tobacco's me
am i offending you ladies are and I say
something
oh really you're ditching class okay
enjoy sorry to hear that did you care
you hit him in the face
oh I thought they're the ones who are
supposed to yes you said the word nazi'
oh sorry sorry I forgot about what he
called you
wow that's pretty intense what was his
response after you punched him in the
face
no responsible I mean look at your
biceps man like you barely fit your
shirt I called the wrong guy announcing
yeah wait you simplified to say deep
roots and dip guys first guys are not
what you're describing yeah that wasn't
what I was describing today though it's
used as they use it it's like kind of a
modern Marxism do you mind if we film
you this isn't totally boring for the
people watching it yeah yeah
yeah go on I was just saying that if you
make a remark on a political party
that's it's an ideology so that's like a
cell or something that moves it evolves
it has a person there you cannot take
two words that appeared in the 19th
century and as me as a French Jew my
grandmother
escaped see what to come insecure beige
collaborators those who worked with the
Nazis in French who work with the Nazi
bastards guys read from the left and
they had the same kind of acceptance and
approval ideology that could make them
go way too far but this too far
this little too far save some lives
because right oriented this is craziness
can you make can make you think I can
make you so write your things on your
life you just tell us in a separate I
like what you said it's just from my own
perspective what's anti-semitism like in
France because we always hear about it
but we don't we never get to meet
anybody who lives in France it's very
complicated because France has been the
first European country to give
citizenship for Jewish people this is
why we have the third Jewish community
in the world just furniture information
I just want to know about wearing keep
us on the street
oh yeah no yes yeah it can be well it
depends on where I mean it's like yeah
if I go to an Arabic a Muslim
neighborhood you can go wrong because
some of the guy is gonna say oh he's a
designer honest because they know they
cannot say Jew so they say that was
Archie wine guy but rabbit is fine maybe
one segment say
is it Oh hoots not anymore I just hung
up on the chief Rama
when's that one say the
the the distinction between acceptance
and approval they have to be fully
distinct we're gonna conclude this
chapter they have to because I want to
move to his living passionately they
have to be fully distinguished you just
have to distinguish them and that way
you can have your values there can be
values and distinction of values that's
fun that's not just fine it it's pretty
important that way that there's such
thing as values and right and wrong and
there is acceptance which is that you
understand that even new and someone's
not keeping your values or they keep
your values better than you that you can
accept that prison because had you lived
their life that would be you doing this
super strict version of values for them
are you doing this super laksa days ago
value version of values that would have
been you so you can easily separate the
two and by separating the two
so you promote love connection and you
get to have the world that you really
most desire to live in which is the
world of love but a world of love with
values as it was the world of love
that's washed clean of values because
while values create distinction which
creates you know because values means
are ultimately right and wrong and the
right and wrong means no we're gonna
make distinctions once we're making
distinction so then how we're gonna
accept people and so I'll just tell you
one quick story and then we're gonna
move to that dude back there's chapter
what's your name
under this were you from underneath okay
anyway so then we'll move to on the
racist subject which I'll start again
the live fee but I'll just tell you one
story is that when I was becoming a
rabbi here at Asia Torah there were
there were branches throughout shools
synagogues programs and each branch
throughout the world that had their eyes
on the arab eyes for hiring us and so I
was in I was in what's it called
community what does it mean when you're
communicating with someone whether
you're gonna get a job or not
serious tech dad there's a negotiation I
was in day was we already got past
serious talks now we're at negotiations
and we finished negotiations and so I
got a phone call my house where the head
of this particular place said we'd like
to have FedEx you a contract so our
board wants you and you know you're you
and your people said fine so we'd like
to FedEx to a contract so I said fine
you know I'll give you my address he
said but there's just one more thing
would you you're you're obviously gonna
cut off your pay us right and I'm like
excuse me he's like what yeah yeah yeah
you're gonna cut your pay us aren't you
I'm like what are you thinking why would
I cut my past what does that have to do
with anything and they're like well I
mean you're gonna be a campus rabbi and
campus rabbi shouldn't be walking around
with pays you know like people will feel
like how could they you know how
accessible could have got be he with
pigs you know and so I said listen I
asked everything else to my rabbi I'll
call my rabbi and ask him but I'm a
little shocked
so you hung up the phone I called my
Rebbe and I said I'd already asked the
Rebbe several of the negotiation points
and I said Rebbe now they're asking me
to cut off my paise then the Rebbe said
I'll translating in English but he says
he you're supposed to breathe bringing
them closer to Judaism not you closer to
secularism that was his answer and so he
says absolutely not so I called the guy
back is it absolutely not he spoke to
the board the next day and the board
said absolutely not no no I was just a
young guy at the time I was just a you
know one of these wet-behind-the-ears
studying to be a rabbi guy and this guy
had no idea that that I would be amongst
the Heschel on of like outreach speakers
in the world and he had a chance for
cheap to get me to a city and once you
move to a city the likelihood of you
getting stuck there as strong and so I
run into him at conventions once in a
while this is already 20 years ago but I
run into him in conventions over the 20
years and he always tells me like what
an idiot I was
what an idiot I was cuz he didn't
understand this distinction he thinks
that you have to get rid of your
standards to be an accepting person you
have to wash out your Judaism at least
as much as possible to not offend
anybody
so that everyone feels accepted by you
he didn't understand that acceptance
when it's in your heart is a vibrational
reality that is regarded that is here
regardless of your values standards
appearance level of observance it's not
connected to it it's two separate
subjects so you have your standards you
never drop your standards think about
standards think about it how do you feel
like M&Ms don't stand you up standards
standards yeah you have standards show
me a human being without standards
every person has standards they can be a
totally observant Jew or they can be
covered in tattoos they got standards
the guys got standard what kind of
tattoo parlor he's willing to go to
everybody got standards but here's the
thing
how do you feel how do you feel when you
compromise your standards of life how do
you feel when you compromise the answer
is you eat your heart out you just eat
your heart up when you when you when you
compromise your standards you can't even
live with yourself you can't even look
in the mirror and yet people are
constantly compromising their standards
to basically be accessible to look good
to be accepting that people shouldn't be
put off by them people are constantly
sacrificing compromising standards to
stay in some kind of level of being
acceptable relatable accepting but
meanwhile if that doesn't work either
because if you aren't accepting so
lowering your standards aren't gonna
help you understand if you're really
just a judgmental jerk lowering your
standards isn't gonna help anybody
doesn't help anybody we all know people
without these who are not accepting or
not accepting
it doesn't these don't make you not
accept but they do represent some level
of standards and so so this is the last
point I want to give you is that is that
never comfort my standards
never compromise your standards of what
you call approvable least in your life
for acceptance never compromise that you
don't you don't compromise that because
because then you eat you can't live with
yourself you're not true to yourself
you're you keeping your standards is you
living true to yourself and you don't
compromise that stuff that's the stuff
you don't compromise because if you
compromise that you're gonna wind up
losing a lot of your well-being and you
know I think all of us do compromise
sometimes but how do you feel about
yourself I feel terrible I do you
meaning you you consider this to be the
right thing to do you somehow gotten
some thought process that took you way
down below that you did something really
stupid yeah how do you feel about
yourself I feel terrible about yourself
and so that's not for sale your well
being
you're feeling okay about yourself
that's not for sale not even for looking
more accessible looking more accepting
that's it that's not it's not worth it
because it hurts you you can't live with
yourself when you when you break your
own standards when you drop your own
values again we all do it we've got a
Yeats aha we all do it sometimes we make
mistakes but you'll notice every time
you make those eggs a kid can't even
look yourself in the mirror feel
terrible so what are you gonna do feel
terrible so what could of you for
anybody oh now you now you look really
accessible you now you your behavior and
your the fact that you're willing to
drive to this particular Shabbos even
though we're not supposed to drive on
Shabbos but you know you didn't want to
offend them and or you ate at the meal
that you weren't supposed to eat at
cause it's not really kosher but you
know maybe they would be offended no you
all you did now was you you broke you
breached your own covenant with yourself
because every standard that every person
has it may be god-given that's you it's
your hurts it's the covenant with you if
it was just governed with God you
wouldn't feel so bad this is your
covenant it was come with God okay you
know however guilty you'd feel you'd
feel but it's when you break your true
standards that you really feel bad cuz
you breach your covenant with yourself
you know to join Akash viruses little
bar mitzvah lunch and Billy Bob bad boy
bar mitzvah barbecue in the forest ten
miles out of town and you just God
forgive me and you jumped in the back of
the car and you showed up there but
there's something even worse that you
did because people know you pay no you
keep Shabbos normally or they know you
keep kosher normally and you were
actually you know how Judaism works is
weird it works
but everyone's holding somebody else up
you know like those monkey links linked
to each other so we're all linked
together you know like let's say let's
say let's say all of you were like close
students of mine which I do feel you are
but it's kind of changes every day but
let's say you're all close students of
mine and you're holding whatever you
hold and you're putting out effort to
hold a certain level in Judaism and you
walk through town one Chaves and you see
one of those like rare cafes that are
open down one alley you know and they
don't care about Shabbos anyway they're
serving shrimp cocktail and there's
rabbi Glazer he's like he's taking eat
shrimp but he's just going like you know
and hanging out with a bunch of like
floozies or whatever yeah tell me what's
gonna happen to you what's gonna happen
you the next time you're in a situation
where you got to put some muscle into
keeping that particular Jewish law what
might happen to you like if he doesn't
care what why do I care you know like
you understand we're all in this monkey
link thing together we're all like
there's I promise you there are people
pulling me up and I'm pulling others up
and we're all like this all the time
we're all getting like we're pulling
each other up and so to show up at big
bad Bob's barbeque bar mitzva 10 miles
into the forest so that you shouldn't
hurt anybody's feelings means that
they're gonna that person's gonna be
stuck whether or not to like Hanukkah
candles next month and he's like well I
don't have candles but I could go out
and get candles but you know I I don't
even know where I'd really get candles
but I guess I could go search around mmm
but you know forget it forget it and so
that person who used to like candles
didn't bother so so meaning you didn't
do anyone any favors because everyone
knows your level of observance and
they're there and they're to see you
compromise that
even for them they may appreciate it a
little because you did it for them but
but you ultimately just dumped everybody
you just took all the monkeys that
you're holding and you just kind of went
like that like knocked all those monkeys
off their own Judaism because we're all
holding each other up here and so if
people already know you do certain
things we're close to you who they may
not do those things but I promise you
there you're holding them up in some way
or another in this you know deep exile
we're in where people are just holding
on by a thread so that thread is you
sometimes that thread is your own
personal observance I'm saying so
there's a great responsibility in that
and I'll tell you just one last thing
before I take David's question is that
uh just one more thing is that I want
you to be a billy bad Bob or barbecue
bar-mitzvahed party I want you to be
there and I want people to walk up to
you and go wow I can't believe you came
like I thought you'd kept Shabbos
and you say see up there that hill over
there with a pine forest you notice that
tent I've been here since Friday you
camped out
just to be with us for Shabbos that
means a lot it means a lot to us and you
want to know something my mother did
that when she became observant she she
was like one of the matriarchs of this
big family
how can she stop going to the bar
mitzvahs in the bat mitzvahs and all the
all the bruises all the things that were
being held in times and situations where
you just can't really make it cuz if
you're keeping her luckily it would have
been impossible but here one of the
matriarchs of this big family became
observant so you want to know something
she was the one with the tent she was
the one like she made sure she was there
and you want to know something amazing
is now that it's like she's been
observing for I don't know how many
years no in 27 years or something about
27 years later when there's an event in
the family and these people are like
there are no strangers to pork
you know like they'll though it's like
oh it's like how many things can you do
wrong possibly at one bar mitzva okay
you know there's a lot more bar than
mitzvah at this bar minsu okay and the
but what happens is when she receives
the invites now and it's been already
for 15 years like that when she receives
her invited it's amazing she opens the
invite she gets the classic invite and
in there it says the hotel that they
booked for no one got a hotel booked
everyone's driving it and the hotel
it says how far it is from the from the
synagogue or the hall where the
reception is and and here's the
certificate of the food we've ordered
for you and it took a couple years for
them to catch on that her love and
commitment to the to the family was
gonna stay of the highest level
relevance to her as her observance of
Tara it was gonna keep she was gonna
keep both standards to the point where
today you know you send my mother an
invite to a bar mitzvah she gets it with
like a full the full carte blanche
kosher experience you know and she's
sitting there eating her
thing that was sometimes it brought him
from really far away from like some
Habad 500 miles away it was like sent
via Amazon or something you know double
wrapped for some microwave or something
to get it heated up for her but it's
always well set up for her and it's very
respectful that they do that and it's
all because she refused to be one of
those Bali chuhwa who hides from their
family to keep their observance you can
do both it may be inconvenient you may
miss creosote tyrunt there's usually no
Torah reading when you camped out in a
forest you know but that's okay Torah
reading is a is a public obligation it's
not an individual obligation when you're
camped out in the forest you don't have
to hear the time dove it
whoops what
I want to call your name yoohoo duh
that's where I was going but I decided
if I blew the first guess I'm not going
on the second one the Chavez coulda
stayed the family after the meal watches
TV together that's your question
I'm afraid dear what you did but he's
that much better
oh thank you zoom back out I just give
it a two fingers so I personally would
have I would have I would have first
seen what they're watching just kidding
it's like the Super Bowl where's that
Sunday Sunday yeah Super Bowl Sunday so
um no I'm kidding I I would have just
said I you know I'm tired I'm gonna
sleep and they would have all known they
would all know why you're going to see
but it would have been a probably a
better thing to establish standards at
least your own the old uh go with it go
with the Gentile to the rock concert and
have them hold your ticket you know have
them carry teeth all day in New York
they all used to go to the ballgame it's
all the shomer Shabbos kids used to go
to the games and um anyway but that's
that's a that's an individual basis
which you're asking me as an individual
but no no you mean a letter law for sure
it's a lot but the question is is it the
right thing to do okay you're asking
more the right thing - I think news
individual bayside have to know more
about you I don't know where you're at I
don't know what's going on with you you
know I know several people have been
observant now for thirty years and
they're still at every music festival
that is also on Shabbat and they're
they're always at those festivals and
they're never gonna stop going to them
and they and they they actually run run
Shabbos tents at the festivals with a
whole Shabbos meal and they just have it
worked out with the organizers that
they'll be also at the concerts and so
they're dancing at the concerts and then
they're running back to surf chillin so
I know that sounds pretty out-there but
that's what I'm saying
youyou get you got it know the
individual you gotta know where they're
holding you know is it that or they're
just gonna break Shabbos maybe it's
better but better they should be doing
exactly that that might be their Mitzvah
Shabbos because otherwise they wind up
breaking shot was I don't know it
depends on the person you know they the
funny thing is that these concerts that
one's getting high and so I mean are you
allowed to have a Gentile blow smoke
into your mouth
anyway
my sense is that having a Gentile blow
smoke in your mouth is forbidden I think
yeah it's like so directly directly Mavi
Rache you know their moderation for you
what some of my students are gonna
really love where this class is going
if he doesn't clear his bomb if he
didn't get his bong as broadly permitted
to clear his bone okay but not if he did
it specifically for you you just have
you just put it you just happen to walk
up hey what's up mind if I clear that
bong okay so go ahead so anyway you have
another question is becoming a holic for
yourself we had someone very close to
have been very hurt by those standards
yeah let by a Judaism right let's say if
I build standards for myself when it
comes to Judy's and put someone very
close to me has been very hurt by that
it doesn't have those standards anymore
very hurt by their standards so how do I
show them that I still love them and
accept them but at the same time still
be able to hold to my standards and not
put straight on them at the same time
just keep my essence
so I would imagine that the best thing
to do would be to communicate that you
love them and accept them even though
you're gonna be keeping your standards
and that your standards have nothing to
do with your love and acceptance of them
and just be be highly communicative if
it doesn't work so then you call them
out and you get passive-aggressive you
call them out on it you just say like
like why is my observance affecting you
this way now they're stuck they have to
answer and then I promise you it's gonna
be about them and not you and so you're
set if you say that like why is my
observant affecting you like this it's
gonna automatically set it up they're
gonna have to start answering for
themselves you're off the hook just love
bond them like do something over-the-top
you know flowers box of chocolates all
the good things go over the top of them
so they it's like they could never deny
your love for them and I only brought up
that as a muscle the flowers in box of
chocolate that was only as an analogy
but go so over to the top that they
could never deny it and then and then
the the if they still have an observance
issue that's their naration not yours
ladies gentlemen our next class today is
making sense of science everybody