From chaos to order find balnace in your relationships

[Music] gentlemen welcome to practical spirituality here addiction toward in the old city of jerusalem over looking at the western wall and here we are in a situation where we've got the High Holidays upon us and and that leaves all of us basically pretty freaked out because the because living and not my holiday round like where we're at now creates trepidation it creates a it creates a fear and anxiety and here we have these super special days but then coming fins on it but that makes sense I guess because we're gonna be all waiting for some special things like heard you ate your wedding day yeah I think that would create something though you know there Beefeater there'll be something something you deeply want it's a day of the greatest connection of your life we're really announcing publicly the connection and it's a special day like you're freaked out and you're like ready to make in your face and so we're coming to that kind of holy convocation now we're all coming to this Russia shining liver we're gonna be at one you know we're coming up to Yom Kippur the Day of at one minute otherwise those tell me but it means that one and because when you're atone for something you can come back to one again see you maybe split your personality up a little too much because we're all many people and part of us is pretty darkened and you step a little split and then you did some stupid when you were split like that and then you have a game where you get to like to kind of reform yourself or get back to being one being the day or that one that's over but anyway we're scared of these days because they're powerful babies they're super powerful days but I'd like to go deeper today and find out what's really scaring us and and and again it doesn't mean the other stuffs not scaring those I mean there's other stuff scaring us I think first ever you gonna live or die everything okay we're being judged for our years so that's scary that's not I'm not take advantage with anybody if you want to be scared about living or dying I wouldn't remove that from you isn't scared so there are scary things about the day but I'd like to go deeper about what's really scaring us about this day and people are scaring us mostly that's the one thing we've what I would appreciate would be stable it is big threatened right and human beings we love destabilization I mean we really love it you see you're a glutton for it maybe you're all just total chaos addict look at your life you know the same thing you have like a cook village they're going you will sometimes advertise it you know you just create chaos the second you like have some kind of surplus of finances you'll buy something that's just so untimely and put yourself right back in the hole and you're you're basically a chaos addict and you love it and that's okay and the and you know business you're gonna make another investment right when you finally like got pistol you're gonna make another investment and you put yourself back in level and if you're a public speaker you're gonna start talking about stuff you don't even know which is what I'm doing usually when the press comes out there and you're just gonna put yourself into the counts and and that's what you do when you're dancing that's what you do when you do sports and how it came from two hours of insane Milton like them single tracks it's super high speeds them down actions into high speeds surprise needs for the terrain yeah you call it super low speeds but when you're going down something just beat and it's mostly made of rock slabs and drop box at the bottom of each slab you don't want to go sometimes you just want to stay afloat you know you're just kind of stay afloat but it's just a love affair of chaos and in creating some kind of order with the handlebars and my new micro adjustments of my brakes which pays no attention to me its currency of what's going on with my grapes and thank God backed up by it you know someone races suspension money can buy in that that makes my bike home because so I can really be girly an essential down they don't because I can't rely them just working on that calendar and so so I love playing that game and I'm a surfer and I play that game ID no I don't just do many other yoga I'm gonna do crazy yoga headstand balancing acts that come with wrist and I love the calves and I love creating order or amongst it anyway we love that no I just wanna mention one more area of chaos that is that we are responsible for and that's our wives made Kate castle we don't like gas in the home so if you're single and listener this will just it looks related is the one thing you want to stay ordered to give your home and we want it as ordered as possible then you know our laundry done and we want our food cooked and we want our wife happy and if she ain't you know it's her fault and and because she's causing problems no and you may have want their home oh great we got a couple of unperfect this two seats back there and this home quiet it's possible to be recording so good timing how long you to marry you look so fresh looks like like paint would come off you she wired a little tag saying and you should know you should know she what how jealous all of you should be at this couple because because these two these two have love it's only developing obviously because and they can only meant for Olli an hour is how many times you guys meet before you've got the age determine how long were those meeting for 4014 they met three times for 40 minutes yeah and but let me just put this on it let me just put this on a scale here they got three times 40 minutes which is only a 2019 phenomenon okay my Tucker did not get three times for 40 minutes she was 17 she was in you know that was it you know which is really strange because a 17-year old girl she's a teenager showing the one sweater but imagine suppose know which man married and the answer is very simple that when your heart is full so then you have an intuition that's it's not a Hillary compass like an incredible compass if your heart is whole meaning it hasn't been put in Xyz by various people for years like open the excising turned it and turned it turned and turned in your hearts licensed smithereens don't expect a ton of intuition gonna marry you understand your reasons go on and now you're stuck work so my daughter wets sweater put on she could never do what screws to buy well my daughter's just like them all you'll be on it later the talk of the town my latest daughter we got married she married up the guys come up acidic leafy Pittsburgh and somehow them inspired was superhuman pairs of shoes and my daughter came into the marriage numbers but knees but again what choose to put on it could be a 20 minute decision and they but who to marry boom like there it is like a laser me because the hearts better it's wish it's being away that's it that's what a compass to rely on now if you look at the other end of the spectrum is like a date forever or moving together like what what is moving into quote JP is what is moving in together moving in together is basically I'll stay with you unless something better comes on and if it does I'll weep gee what a compliment I mean that's not something you move in with that's something you slash you gotta realize that most most maybe we be interested in you need a cold shower understand they make all the mutism is just a imprinting your hand other things because because well that's of course not the case it work if you're crunching heat from really like dignified place if you're fortunate from a really dignified place so then there's something about your dignity's interested in but if you're approaching it from like you know skin to win my place then he just deserves a slap and that's the last reason you want father in your children or you know expecting any loyalty because it was skin then attracted among his other state you're not always in the best mood marriage isn't always so great business trips and conventions just you don't want to date from that place not the place of a pub you want to be as least attractive as possible reminds me of a guide there was a Persian guy in LA that he drove he don't fancy Mercedes unless it was on a day when you took a girl out on a team and this will be don't worry about this if these things don't exist in their late you send these to like but Midwestern it was it was like a must it was like Mazda something that was like from 1970 you know I think yet the floorboards out in case it's called you just run you know like the flames and he would pick up girls in that thing like you would go his back a world where you've had date you know he would pick up the date missing he wouldn't reveal that Mercedes and so you know he got engaged he just wanted man this is rated a thank god they're married years happiness but that's the kind of thing that's just to give you an analogy to kind of a template to work off now the middle don't white cast in their home understand what everyone likes chaos in their environment and if a woman's environments are home she might go for the cows right there men don't like that we like our chaos outside them but it's in our sports or in our you know some evening out where we make dance or because dancing is the only expression of can associate business we look at you make much more money if we don't mind dancing into some gas and so we love that sup not in our homes we don't like casanare home now panic the home woman moves into growth not every woman's into growth but how do you think a woman into growth feels about a husband who wishes she would stay static and keep his clothes clean in his body you know that there should be nothing rocking about it and the woman feels about that like he was everything to grow except her things inside the doors of his home positive or negative how does a woman feel about that she's not gonna like that nothing like that she's a Jewish woman especially is interested in blowing a lot and the only way to grow is shake things up you know that works out you know you rips the muscles up and then they grow I'm gonna get bigger monsters and so-so but what can men do you know like how much chaos can you handle it's like I'm already dealing enough chaos trying to grow business room no chaos and whatever I do outside that room I don't care Simone but not a good idea not a good idea it makes a wife half into Dreamcast and a good wife a good wife will create chaos in the home and not only that but lots of kids will create castle own fathers who are very controlling and big into business and like don't want any of that chaos in their homes this has been in my pocket bulletin I think you need a headphone I can't believe it I did this whole class with a microphone well I mean that's not why because having kids follow specific things and having strict rules is a good way to create a mensch out of a kid but but it could very well be what's going on with the father and what a kids do Twitter kids do when fathers are trying to make their homes too static yeah they they rebelled they provoked and they they make their father grow and kids of parents of rebellious children should thank their children they should thank them you know why because the rebellious kids give parents the chance to to have to earn the world to come rebellious kids give their parents a chance to earn the world to come you know why you know why rebellious kids cause their parents terror in the world to come because in the world to come it's we have another name for it it's called the olam ha MS what does that mean the world of truth well why do you think most parents do what they do you guys got to hear this I know you guys are like love birds and can't stop talking but just listen this why do most parents do what they do in their Jewish lives the answer is is because they're worried about what people might think not very much they're worried what people might think they have their self governing their self governing their Jewish lives based on looking good for the community at large now is that a true reason to be keeping Torah or is that a false reason for keeping jar it's a false one now do you think keeping Judaism with all the mitzvahs which some are very expensive like for example Sukkot you know so my suka can cost in people anyone who is watching this it would like to of course I'm turning to the people on the live feed I'm not expecting any of you to do this but anyone watching this live feed who'd like to have a little merit in the glazier suka I'll pay for it of you know but if you'd like to have merit in some of the meals you can obviously send me a whatsapp or something and I'll direct you where it sends though to be part of it otherwise I'll pay it off by Hanukkah I'm sure but the mitzvahs are expensive but you've got to be doing from the right reasons it has to be done for truth for ms and then when you get to a world called ms you cash in you cash in on all the things you did but if you did everything because of what people might think so then you don't cash in you get Zippo and Zippos pretty scary to get for someone whom for example sacrificed all his financials and all his family time to study Torah because in his family that's what was called looking good and so he learned turret his whole life to get upstairs to find it nothing to find nothing from from fifty years of dedication to the Torah and he gets nothing when he gets up there but all it takes is one rebellious kid and that rebellious kid makes him feel like such a fool in front of the community because here's mr. Terror I can't even keep his kids in line you know like his kids just refuse to let him look good and or at least one kid all it takes is one he's got one kid who's gonna not play the game and and well the father's gonna kill this guy cuz like he's ruining everything like the whole the whole cast castle of sand is like the waves are crashing in on it and the castles washing out meanwhile this kids doing the biggest favor he could ever do because what he's doing is causing this father the humiliation and now he's gonna have to ask himself this question and he all everyone asks themselves this and we learn it from Rebecca rifki who asked the question when she had a sub in her belly she had a evil man in her belly when she was going to give birth to twins Yaakov and a so she had an evil one in there and what did she say lime is that unknown a llama zette anarchy can be translated to what am i living for what's my life all about if this is my progeny yeah this is how my kid turned out what am i living for how do you think having heard the story before I talked about the rebellious kid but at the story about the man studying Torah for 50 years or you could take the rich guy who's like the big Macher in the community you know the big like you know he's got the tallest Trammell in town six thousand dollars stri Mille and Chavez and he's like mr. everything ride his name's on the on the Ark and his name's on the tire and his name's on the shul and and you know he's the guy you know and then one of his kids just like just goes like snip you know and he asks hims know that guy would you have said that it would be really great if that guy could stop for a moment and ask himself what he's living for yes or no yes no we did have been good for that guy keeping all his kids on the path his kids make him look perfect they're all little carbon copies of the father and everything's going smoothly and would you say that wouldn't it be great that this guy gets annexed world by asking himself the question what am i living for would you guys say that'd be a good thing for that guy a very good thing he should stop he's got to hit the brakes and ask himself what am i living for and then if you really look deep into that question you'd realize he's living for everything but truth he doesn't live for truth he lives for for for you know the significance in the eyes of others in the and what's called kavod is honor and glory and and all the ego stuff that's we get tricked into wanting which is a mirage and that would be great because then he could live for the right things and then he could you know and then and then we're look taught by our kabbalists that all he has to do you ready for this the fifty years of study he's done and all the mitzvahs he did are all sitting inside a storehouse they're locked away they don't disappear they're waiting they're just waiting you know what they wait for they wait for him since the Kabbalists to review those pieces of torah he just has to go back and learn them again once all he has to do is review them having in mind that there's a god and there's a divine prophecy called tara and we have a mitzvah to study that tara that's all he's got to have in mind he's got to review everything review at all and and also do those mitzvahs that he does throughout the year and what happens is he opens them safe that has everything stored and it all releases so that's the good news is it's all waiting for him sadly most people never ask themselves what am i living for and what it takes as a rebellious kid and the rebellious kid which is we learned from Rebecca from Rifkin's causes a father to ask himself what's he living for and when he asks himself that question you'll notice something very interesting by the way the fathers who asked the question the mothers that after that question they generally that kid will come right back on the path meaning service rendered service rendered did my job you know the kid did his job he usually comes right back afterwards isn't one of the smart reasons for bar mitzvahs in the in the ultra-orthodox world is to slam that kid into a hat and coat because the likelihood of him rebelling at 13 is sorry the blessing of a rebellion at 13 is of kids at 30 know is a very different imagination than an 18 year old understand meaning most most kids in the modern orthodox community might rebel when they can already drive they can get themselves a lot of trouble but 13 year olds aren't thinking about you know not certainly thinking about girls whedon cars you know that good their 13 year olds they're just thinking about stupid stuff and and let him rebel you know let the 13 year old rebel as creative as he can be it's not like an 18 year old and it's a nice early age gets the parents freaking out asking that question what am i living for and then and then the parents can get their acts together now how do you curtail all of this ask yourself what you're living for now and live for that you take good care of your kids make sure they know they're number one and that you would if you would follow your kids the end of the earth I tell my kids I don't care what you do with yourself I mean I care but it's your life you know and I will back you to the end of the earth I will never ever ever drop you and I will back you and I'll back you financial I tell them listen young ages middle ages till they're already in their teens wherever you go I will be behind you I'll never drop you there's nothing you can do that will take away my love and support including my financial support and and what a nice thing to have that what a nice way to feel secure in your life and and my kids do take some powerful individual steps and there I am right beside go for it push limits see where you see where you can see what you might discover out there but later see that they're all like they're always on board you know they're they're into their Judaism their their self so it's worth it self-motivated so I'm one of it I just realized that you we have the tour now so let me conclude this quickly yeah I'm sorry I'm totally freaked I just looked at the clock thinking of us must be for Tanner and something as usual okay anyway this was an extremely long-winded way of saying that that wives are smart to create a little chaos and kids are smart to create a little chaos in the house but here's the best place in the look and I know I said that men want no chaos in the house so they can have all their fun outside the house with the chaos so they grow here's the place that nobody wants cast and nobody wants kiss inside no one's kiss in their actual identity we squeeze our identity like a white knuckle to ride no one wants to smell I dent 'ti and that's what's being messed with on russia tion and yom kippur it's actually your your own deepest self the deepest perform the deepest part of who you are I shouldn't say it's getting messed with it's getting revealed and what's getting messed with is whoever you're not but whoever you're not is the white-knuckle grip you're poised and postured around who you're not and it's like a it's like a it's so fragile think how fragile you are think out fragile you are in your own self image think how fragile your ego is well that should be a hint to how shallow it is and how fake it is and how not true it is seriously I think I'll fragile you are if you're who you think you are is so damn solid you wouldn't be so damned fragile because it's not who you are this period of time in Judaism is when it all gets stripped away otherwise you're gonna hate shul because all we're doing all for two days straight and Russia showing it and then seven more days and then Yom Kippur climax is the tenth day of it all is we're gonna strip ourselves down to what is solid what is true of course you're scared who wants to who wants to try to hold on to that while the days were we're designed to strip it away of course it's gonna be uncomfortable there no wants to be in that position unless of course you approach it as a gift to actually strip it all down you get to something solid inside of you something worth worth having something worth living for like I said a very long-winded way of saying that Shalom everyone have a beautiful day you can in this