finding yourself finding your father

Shalom welcome to practical spirituality here at BM in N we are here to transform our lives in the in the Moment by moment experience you have to be in a process of transformation happening basically at all times if you want to experience life see a lot of people think that they can just push off transforming their lives like I don't mean push it off a lot meaning they'll like sign up for this that starts in six weeks or they'll they'll do um you know whatever they're going to really work on themselves with this new Kusa or something and you know they but they're they're like they're thinking that transforming their life is you know is is important and it's certainly something they're doing and it's certainly something they're going to do but it is a bit on hold in the process meaning you're like I'm in process you know process but what I'd like to share with you is that you have to be transforming your life constantly constantly and there's a way to do it there's a way to do it where you can transform your life constantly and if you transform your life constantly I can guarantee you that you will experience life fully so let's talk about that I'm let's talk about the promise first because you know in sales you got to offer something so what I'm offering you is to have your life experienced fully I mean that's what most people smoke cannabis for is they want to like okay everyone's going to the movie but they want to really experience the movie you know everyone's going to the concert but they want to like really experience the concert you know everyone's going to the kumzits but they want to really experience the kumzits and I grab this seats the best so people are out to ex we all want to experience life I mean you've been given eyes you've been given a nose you've been given you know taste you've been given touch you've been given the Swiss Alps you've been given Sports you've been given like you know everything and all of this that you've been given to experience your life with has to be experienced but guess what you're not experiencing your life you're not experiencing your life I bet you there's some of you sitting here right now who are thinking the following words like I'm talking but all you're hearing is the following all you're hearing right now is okay I don't know what he's talking about right now um where is he going with this uh okay I'm sitting down in this room in this session here how long's it going to go uh you know I mean you got a whole a whole um commentary going on you you've got an actual commentary going going on inside your brain as I'm speaking so are you experiencing what I'm saying or are you experiencing your commentary on what I'm saying take a moment and stop for a second stop with your commentary and feel the temperature in the room on on on four we're going to snap together on four both hands ready one it's going to be together one two three let's try it on four one two three and feel the temp hear the sound of the white noise outside this guy was walking in come on in everyone check him out fully and experience it come on in oh good I was hoping you're going to learn with us yeah you you learning with us we're learning yes amazing amazing there's CH there's chairs over here come by the window you like air yeah you're not a four you're not a four-walled guy you know want to say hi to everyone online hey bring in some of those chairs oh you want to sit on the floor he's sitting on the floor you know people are different people have different elements in them so like I have a feeling your Earth although when I see in the mfah I'm like he's water but the fact that you work with your hands and wearing boots on a hot day you're Earth you know I was just at a concert uh Mo shabus uh was the schom car oh there's a guitar oh bring that guitar over here it even has a strap come on give it to the rabbi give it to the rabbi oh yeah steal string this is great this is great can I Barrow a pig I don't care if it was in your mouth it's in [Music] tune guys want some heavy metal yeah n how about some funk [Music] all right remember that um what I'm doing is messing with you guys this whole time so that your commentary in your head just going like I don't know how to I don't know what to do now like how do I deal with this you know and what it does is it puts you into experience snap on four one two three perfect let's do it together one two three hear the sound feel this feel the air on your skin feel the fibers of your clothing sense the guitar [Music] I close my eyes only for moment and the moment's gone oh my dreams crumble to the ground though I refuse to see Dust in the Wind all we are is Dust in the Wind Same Old Song nothing last forever but the Earth and Sky it slips oh way and all your money won't another minute by high Dust in the Wind all we are is Dust in the Wind Dust in the Wind everything is Dust in the Wind [Music] [Applause] and the you're probably the only one who knows that song and and uh what I want to share with y'all what I want to share with you all is that life is your body is covered with nerve endings those were your those were your audio nerves these are your optic nerves your whole your whole your your body's covered you know we get in that cold water in the mik over there it just it's just like wow it's like every nerve is like and I I try to do extra breathing as it comes up my spine you know as I'm getting in and just like oxygenate my blood and to experience it fully and that's one of the reasons why people love swimming what is about swimming that to me it's like to me it's like I go to a public swimming pool you know there's more meat than soup in there there and what is the pleasure I I grew up with a swimming pool in West LA you know with the tennis court in the swimming pool I mean we had a room just dedicated to pool you know and we had a room just for pingpong we had a room about five times bigger than this room which was dedicated to music um obviously most of it was audience but you know grand piano and all the amplifiers full Bandstand drums everything and the the um but I just can't understand it but all these people they want to have their nerve endings have direct contact with water because they want to experience life everyone to snap on four one two three take a breath and experience your life this is life man and it's coming at you it's raw it's raw but here's the thing is that a lot of people are scared of Life a lot of people are scared of life a lot of people it just they they can't find the pause button you know how did I pause my father you ever notice every time you speak to your father he downloads a little bit of his worldview you know he has to give a little of his ASA as if you have no idea what your dad believes you know it's like it's like how is it possible you didn't figure out in like your first 12 years of your life everything he believes did tell me did you yeah of course does he stop no he won't stop downloading everything he wants you to know and and what happens is the second that happen I'm just going to use Dad's as an example the second your father or your mother if you're a woman watching this but the second your father or your mother starts downloading their you know broken record of what they believe tell me do you feel like you're 26 you feel like you're six which one couldn't hear that what' you say said I feel like I have all them I feel like I have every age and like sometimes I'm one of them sometimes okay but do you understand what I'm saying you guys know what the answer is when when your father's break you know downloading what he believes about this world that he thinks you should know even though you already know this stuff is you feel like you're six now anyone want to feel like they're six any want to feel like they're six how long you spend on the phone with someone who makes you feel like you're six quickly as possible you get off the phone get back to safety I mean I think probably most therapists if not all therapists probably good 70% of their money is just parents what do you mean what's parents meaning people dealing with the lack of safety they feel when they're in a relationship with their parent when they have to deal with their parents 7% probably 70% I I know I went to therapy as a guy I'm from California your therapist was like you know it just comes with the program you know and I would say a lot of the discussions were about my father you know and and I know my daughters go you know they've been to therapy there was a lot of discussion about my wife now I have not asked my sons about I don't think my sons go to therapy I think they actually go out to the mountains and just you know you know trip with God and deal deal with uh deal with yeah they're they're doing their therapy out in nature I think but the uh but I've I imagine I've come up you know I'm not a simple father that's for sure if you were here in earlier classes you know what I'm talking about remember the mountain bike crashes for the little guy you know the kid after he falls down the entire Mountain I'm like now get back up there and try it again cuz you're not going to leave the mountain until you can descend that that trail and he realizes he's stuck and he's going to have to go back it's not easy to be my son I've lightened up a bit on my younger younger boys a little not in the mountain it's just other other things so you know I just as a side point my my um I was asking ask my wife if I should do something to for my daughter and she said only if you want her to do that for your grandchildren I was like I'll be back in an hour and I was raised with you guys know what helicopter parenting is that's how people raise kids today where they're like keeping an eye on them at all times they're just hovering over the kid at all times it's called helicopter parenting it's a great way to ruin a child it works pretty good for you no I had telescopic parenting I think that's him over there somewhere what you became yeah with telescopic parenting I had absolutely zero supervision Zero from a very very very young age thank God the closest pedophile lived about 11 zip codes away you know I grew up where all the Mansions were in La you know I'm only here from a miracle of a bankruptcy that my father's business went bankrupt and before he could sell the Mansion I wound up on a free trip to as and you know the rest is history but it was it was a miracle that bankruptcy was a miracle all my brothers are became observed my parents became observant like the whole became observant they became from from the miracle of this bankruptcy and then he sold his house and he just bought another house and lives off the money of that house ever since yeah so um so what I want to share is that life is about experience but what gets in the way of experience what gets in the way I already gave it away but I'm going to see if any of you can pick it out just from a test what do you think gets in the way of experience because we're talking about experience let's do it again snap on four ready everyone snap one two three what gets in the way of that what gets in the way of hearing that guitar what gets in the way of okay someone pointed their head the mind yeah what what else the commentary of the Mind commentary of the Mind good we spoke about that a bit but let's go deeper now okay yeah it's definitely emotional something emotional what past experiences past experiences what kind of past experience the good ones probably the traumatic ones the little te's okay little teas you should know little te's little te's is the worst trauma in the world big te's is like rape and murder and you know that's the big te's you'd say that's the worst trauma except what those people usually get help the little te are that embarrassed in class and didn't couldn't really read well and and you know tough shabas tables and and tati keeps forgetting him in shw and you know and he's and he's walking in the store with his mother and he pulls on her skirt only to realize it's someone else you know those little te's are like where most are the trauma is of this planet you know the big teas is you know that's obviously heavy dut Dy stuff that needs proper therapy but the little te's what's the therapy for the little te's you know you're going to go to a therapist for having been embarrassed in class you know you're going to go to you're going to go to a therapist because someone walked in on you when you in the bathroom as a kid therapist just be like H I don't know about that but maybe you got something a little heavier than that you know so but those little T's add up boy do they add up and let me explain something listen carefully this is gonna be crazy what I'm about to say but let's just call that area to your left as the past and let's call this area to your right as that your right this is your left right yeah yeah oh my gosh that's a future okay um let's call this area to your left the past okay and the area to your right is your future got it now everything that ever happened to you as a kid all the little te's everything that ever happened including stuff that's ongoing like your father that's what the hint was that we spoke notice I segue automatically to fathers because fathers universally bring up stuff for sons and we're all a bunch of men in here so it's like I went to that example but those little teas including father today downloading his ashfa making you feel like you're six years old all of those things in the past are being shot like you take you're taking your pooper scooper that's what rich people walk dogs with you're taking your pooper scooper digging it into the past all the little te's of your past all the little traumas of the past and you're going like this and flinging it onto into the future so that you can now navigate in your life to somehow make sure that none of that stuff from back there ever happens again you got what I'm talking about now are you experiencing life when you're I'll say it again you've been taking your pooper scooper digging it into all the past little tees all those past traumas which again they're little things they're nothing you don't remember them oh one of the ways we know they're little is you probably don't remember 90% of them but they're painful things they were painful at the time block them out you don't remember well you don't remember them they weren't that painful but they're painful enough they were there and they are there and then what you did was you dig your shovel in the past and you fling all that trauma into the future why so that you can now navigate navigate a Kish you're going to a Kish got to navigate there people there could be you could be insulted you could be you could be inferior to the guy you're sitting next to or you're now heading into base M or now you got a Gamora open or something and it reminds you of all the times where you just had so much trouble learning you understand so so like you're you're not experiencing the Gamora you're experiencing all the past learning issues including possible abuse of power by rebies growing up that you I don't know if you ever got smacked or or got embarrassed publicly or I don't know what happened to you but that's all on your damura while you're sitting and learning into the future and dealing with money and dealing with health I know there's probably a few of you in here that know that you should be in better shape I know there's a few of you that know you should be eating better I know there's some of you that know that there's a certain amount of sleep you need but you're not getting it and so what's happening is you got the past wrapped up in the future and now you're navigating the future which is coming into this moment like literally right here right now coming into the present right here but it's so raw where's the pause button how do you pause experience how do you pause it and the answer is you pause it by coding it you want to code it with a coding by coding it with everything that ever happened you in the past so that you can somehow watch out for red flags so that you can somehow navigate it so some poor fools paying $50,000 for this wedding and there's 500 people at the wedding trying to survive the wedding when's the last time you heard the guitarist for 700 bucks there he is ripping some solo in my music world he's considered like someone deeply respected but you're just someone at a wedding you didn't even see you didn't see there was a good hard player you know it's a band band B which is what you did you just because that's what the brain does because when the brain is trying to survive the people at the wedding that the the band which is made up of its members who are each at the top of their game these guys have dedicated their lives to their instruments and you're not even first of all you didn't even know he's there you didn't even know that guitar player is there and you didn't hear a noty played and here's this guy's this guy's ripping solos do you need to go you okay you need to go this guy's ripping solos should I rip a solo so this guy's I get your action's too high for ripping SES you just have to you just have to shave down this uh shave this thing down a little or that one or turn the rod but you got to bring the strings closer to the neck yeah let me just finish the sentence up this guy's ripping solos and no one hears it because because you can't experience life unless you are clean nikus you got to be clean you understand do you guys getting this meaning you got to put the past where it belongs where do the past belong everyone say in the past where's the past belong say it louder where's the past belong you have to put the past where it belongs the past belongs in the past and then once the past is in the past what's in the future everyone say future nothing nothing except hashem's will and wisdom there's nothing in the future and now I'm just like living into the future like wow and all of a sudden I hear the music I taste the food I connect to my loved ones my father can talk all he wants about whatever he is he loves to download and all I see is just the cutest man in the world he's so cute it's just so sweet and and and notice that he only does this with you he's never called any of your friends he's never called any of your neighbors he hasn't called any of his work colleagues about this stuff only you and why would he only call you about this stuff why does he only download his husa to you and the answer is because he loves you and all of a sudden you start becoming someone who lives in the moment taking full responsibility for how you hear your father and he's just the cutest thing ever and and he's the sweetest sweetest man in the world doing his absolute best with not a lot of skills and we all know if you were watching a video if you watching a YouTube video just a cool cute video about some guy who's just not very good at things I don't know maybe special needs or something he's putting all of his effort in it to like tie a shoe you know you would actually watch the video because you know he's gonna make the bow in the end like you know you'll watch a whole one minute short to have that kid tie that freaking bow you know so you can celebrate it but here's your father you know with like very few skills but has mustered the ability to at least download what he thinks is important to the person he loves the most and that's gone right over your head for years and years why because you have your past wrapped up in the future but as soon as you let the past go to and then you see your father and all of a sudden he's like he's alive just like the sound of the guitar all of a sudden he's here and you're here and you're connected and you're together [Music] okay so uh maybe hit the lights and we'll do a little medit [Music] ation stop with the seeds so you can do some meditation stop with the seeds so you can close your eyes breathe everyone close your eyes and breathe taking a deep breath hold your breath hold your breath and now [Music] release long exhale inhale deep hold your breath eyes closed holding your breath and exhale one more hold your breath release think thinking about your father breathing normally now just thinking about your father and breathing quiet normal you hear him leaving the driveway 10 of n for the last 30 years he's been right on time he didn't always make it home to you when off to bed and though you felt alone at least he made it home he couldn't help with your homework he had too much to do but sometimes when you finished he would read it through you didn't want to interrupt but at times it couldn't wait and though he made you mad he was still your dad he is still my daddy he's the only one I own he still my daddy guess I don't want to change him after all after all once he made up his mind it did no good to fight you didn't ask his opinion he was always right but he t you not to give up hope how to take it till the end and though it may seem Grim you're a lot like him he is still my daddy he's the only one I he get still my daddy guess I don't want to change him after all [Music] after all you are and all you're not that's the father I've got all you are and all you're not that's the father I've got all you are and all you're not that's the father I've got all you are and all you're not that's the father I've got you ever noticed how your father is exactly who he exactly is to the millimeter and he's exactly not who he is is exactly not to the millimeter and you could say to yourself that you'd be a lot closer to him if he would only change but he's not going to change but you can transform your life and the way you transform your life is by taking all the stuff the little tees of your past and getting aware of how you've been thrown them into your future which neutralizes them and all of a sudden you're able to experience life and you're able to experience your father try these words keep your eyes closed take a deep breath all you are and all you are not together all you are and all you're not that's the father I've got all you are and all you're not that that's the father I've got all you are and all you're not that's the father I've got all you are and all you're not that's the father I've God sometimes when it's late at night I think about my dad I just want him to know that I love him so get in touch with the heartbeat of your father it's not going to beep forever say the words to your father that need to be said take full ownership of how you've been treating the situation own it stop pointing your fingers at him when you point your finger at somebody realize there's three more pointing right back at you there's something from your past that he triggers and it's most likely the fact that he wiped your nose for 14 years it's very hard to be a man in the lifetime of your father very hard not to be reduced into a little boy stop pointing your finger point your finger at yourself you're trying to protect yourself from the one person who would sell his home to pay for an a medical emergency or or to deal with some legal emergency you're protecting yourself from the one person who would do absolutely anything for you say the words to your father that need to be said before it's too late and the words are together sometimes when it's late at night I think about my dad I just want him to know that I love him so take a deep breath sing with me sometimes when it's late at night I think about my dad I just want him to know that I love him so he is still my daddy you can sing he he still my daddy he's the only one I own he is still my daddy he's the only one I own he's the only one I own he is my daddy guess I don't want to change him after all guess I don't want to change him after all I don't want to change him after [Music] all WR oh [Music] as you hear the heartbeat of your father your heartbeat of the beautiful child that you are the numbers 1 through five and five opening up your eyes coming up one two three four and five opening up guys [Music] Hit the [Music] lights so gentlemen how did we start this class what were the first words of the class you got to be transformed your life at all times what was the second part of the class second part of the class is that your body has been lined with nerve endings you've been given a conscious Soul inside of you to experience life well what gets in the way of experiencing life so what gets in the way of experiencing life is that we are busy with navigating the future via the past it's like we're sitting on the windshield of our car it's like we're sitting on sorry the dashboard it's like you're sitting on the dashboard of your car and driving looking out the back window you understand we're like we're going that way but we're looking back to see how we can somehow survive all the little teas of our upbringing the example we gave was fathers but there's a million examples like for example the social experience of being at a wedding but notice you don't hear the band you don't hear the guitar player you don't hear nothing then we did a little meditation about our fathers so that we can kind of see through our stories about him and recognize that he's just was doing his best with what he's got like the little kid tin his shoe on the YouTube short Who's down syndrome you know and we're going to watch that YouTube short and clap when he finishes and so too we're going to do the same thing with our father that every act Our Father does with us we're going to experience it fully as a an experience of love and being loved by your father and and um but it's not just that that was just an example and weddings are examples and work is examples and money is examp what does money bring up from your past what do females bring up from your past maybe that's why you're still single what a woman represent what did your mother represent that'd be a good indication of what females represent you want to you got to know that stuff and know what it brings up for you because okay I know what she represents and I know what it brings up for me so you got to go into the past well not too much you know why you don't have to go back into it really why because all all I have to do is just see what's coming at me what's coming up for me oh what's coming up for me right now is rejection at this kidish I'm at a kiddish rejection is coming up and you want to travel all the way back and see where your first rejection was probably most people wouldn't even remember so do we really need to go back there not really all I know is right now is that I can't taste the Herring I don't taste the Herring I'm not tasting the cougal I'm not enjoying the whiskey because I'm too busy or I can't even drink the whiskey because my stomach's too tight from the social you know uh uh what do you call social anxiety that I'm having I can't even enjoy the Kish so then I can just ask myself what's all this bring up for me well if you're really honest it'll bring up something like I'm a loser or I'm unwanted I'm unloved or I'm unimportant or bring up something about you that you know you secretly believe and then you could just say am I a loser am I unimportant am I do I not matter like you look around the room and you see kids with 200 guys enjoying themselves and you're like could it possibly be that I am the statistical a statistical anony anomaly sorry am I statistical anomaly that I'm the one guy who's unlovable here CU you realize everyone else in the kiddish seems great everyone else is great how could it be that you're statistically the one guy who doesn't belong here it's nuts and that's why you know you know once you get through all this you do belong there and that's how I can like move backstage so easily you know I was at uh I was at the Carly Bach um Carly Bach concert at B ma now the tickets sold out a week before so we didn't get tickets and and um so we we couldn't really get in with tickets but I said to my wife wife you know like most of Life 99% of life is showing up let's show up to the concert and so we got in the car we drove to B we walked up to the guards at the side of the door and we're like listen it's pretty late in the concert now a lot of people are leaving you mind if we go in he's like yes I could l in and get fired but my whole job is to stop you from going in there so I don't think that's going to happen so I could take a no I could take a no and I said so what's over on that what's over in that direction you know because he was a right turn I said what's over say there's nothing over there I said okay well we're going to go see nothing so we go over to see nothing it turned out it was backstage um backstage and right there's Yehuda Solomon from the from the mosha band and big hog you what's up he made aliash and and uh here he is with two kids and and we're like yeah what's back here he's like oh this backstage we just got off stage shomo cats is going on you got to see him and I'm like he goes oh take this take this wristband and and his kid pulls off their wristband and and they put the wristbands into our shirt a little you know I go up to this glass door I'm like you know there was a lady behind the counter press a button next thing I know I'm backstage I'm backstage but not just backstage I was on the side you know where all the fog machines are and I'm watching shomo cats you know thumbs up to the clarinet player a friend of mine bal's on clarinet and we're just rocking with a band I'm like I'm on stage I literally my wife and I are both on stage in the wings enjoying the Shalom of cats concert and it's like once you start to roll with I belong exactly here people start getting the vibration you understand like you can you can just go right up to First Class of the plane you're on and meet everybody you know cuz you belong there 100% do you belong sitting there no but you definitely belong there and so you go in there and smoo with all the people there's a lot of interesting people there who have had a lot less fear than most so they're very interesting to talk to and you know talking to someone who's full of fear is not that interesting talking to someone who's who's broken through most of their fear is very interesting and it's amazing where life ticks you when you stop being governed by your fear and that's business class on LOL flights not everybody you know but it's certainly a lot of them and so it's a it's a nice club of people that you get to meet them and they want to talk all about they generally like talking about work and they tell you everything they're doing and it's it's exciting to be with them but you belong there you belong everywhere you understand you're you can't you it's statistically impossible that you're one guy that doesn't belong in the social situations that are causing you anxiety and it's and it's impossible that anything you believe about yourself negative is true nothing nothing is someone willing to be a volunteer up here someone doesn't mind being on YouTube one guy come on one ell come here Ellie come up to me I'm just keep going follow my voice follow my voice Ellie is uh sight challenged we're giving a hug since you're coming up y we're try to face in the camera camera people little more there you're not a camera you're people you're actual human beings who are watching this in this moments yes exactly so um ell you know you're a great example because uh how long are you not cited I'm blind for one years old from one years old okay no memory of seeing no memory yeah the same thing as like like sort of F from bth okay so no memory of seeing and um tell me tell us all if you're willing to be honest with all of us tell us the harshest belief you were having about yourself at any point in your life uh based on you're not being able to see because this is like all of you are cited and now he's going to tell us a belief he had about himself that would have held him back so the harshest a belief um when I was 12 13 was I receive a lot more than I give that's not a negative belief about yourself that's a realization that you that you've been receiving a lot and you'd like to start giving uh beliefs beliefs would be something like uh unwanted uh uh uh damaged uh damaged goods uh incompetent so at 1718 um I believe that many friends were seeing me as a project rather than excellent rather than actual sincere friendship excellent so we're going to go a bit harsher with that because what that do for me wait wait first first we need to go to the word so it wasn't that you're a project but that you are a what when you're a project what's that make you I'm going to take a moment and consider that yeah go into your heart go go in here what are what are you saying about yourself when you're a project because the project Vis be them I'm asking what were you saying inside as their H project I'm unlovable excellent and like the deepest kind of love wow like the the the deep deep kind of love mhm not me wow everyone in this room now give a pop if you've ever if that's one of your beliefs is unlovable give a pop be honest pop pop okay unlovable now I want you to see Ellie when he was an infant okay I'm holding him as a little infant okay he cutest kid in the world is he I all I want you guys to say is yes each time I ask you a question is he is he lovable yes now he's three I'm holding a little toddler is he lovable now he's 10 lovable yes now he's 11 now he's 15 now he's 18 now he is how old are you 23 23 is he lovable at what point did he become unlovable and the answer is begins with an NE v r when did he become unlovable never but for himself unlovable was what was happening deep down for him and he was going through life with unlovable being kind of the past shot into the future so now he has to navigate into the future as unlovable at which point he's going to make sure he's going to be you ready for this this is we're going very deep today sorry to go this deep but to be a giver you're going to be a giver you're no longer a case you're going to give am I wrong and tell me if I'm wrong I want you only what you resonate with it's true what did you do about being a I think you became a giver because ever since I've known you you're giving so that came later initially initially what I did was um learn to set healthy boundaries and healthy expectations I taught my friends how they're relating to me you don't walk me to somewhere because I don't know where to go you walk me to somewhere CU I enjoy your company and unless unless it is actually true that I don't know ago in which case honestly thank you but I I I I'm careful to manage people's expectations that's where it started excellent and reminding myself really internalizing there are a bunch of people actually choosing to sit next to me and allowing that to really really like get in there the the pece came came really once I was married nice that's when the K were really there nice nice which makes a lot of sense because now you have a home mhm and now you can give properly so so what I would like to what I so what I want to share is that is that the beliefs you have about yourself never actually happened meaning nothing ever happened that make them true a lot of stuff happened he has his blindness meaning he not being able to see happened and the stuff that happened to us all the little tees happened but what it meant about us never happened you get that yeah it's true for example when I was 10 years old I was humiliated I was humiliated it was really bad and I really want to be accepted by the people who humili humiliated me so I just decided I'm unacceptable now if a bunch of people humiliate me that I wanted to accept me does that make me unacceptable no it just means I was humiliated in a situation by the way they weren't trying to humiliate me it was my own head doing no one was doing anything really but I I just got embarrassed terribly humiliated and and because it was public I just decided actually do humili what actually humili well that's why we used that's why he was a great example because he actually could not see and was a case and therefore everyone's just doing and no one really loves him got it so that's he's the best case because here's something that actually happened and the but the thing is none of it's true so all the stuff mom is so untrue tell you all the stuff that we had happened to us that's from the past that we've been that we believe certain things about ourselves we dug our shovel in there flipped it into the future so that we can now somehow navigate and make sure we don't wind up in another situation that puts us right back to that crushed position and you want to know one of the guys here in this Yeshiva said to me that he feels like he's ready to get married it's been a lot of years he's in his 30s already and he's like he ready to get married and I said to him okay that's great but you better know why you're not married till now if you can't articulate that if you can't articulate what is back there that you were flinging into the future of being able to date for marriage if you don't know what that is if you have not identified and again it's not identifying the past earlier is saying do I have to go back to no I have to identify what I'm saying now yes me you want to go figure it all out go to a therapist pay a couple thousand bucks go every week you know or go to a hypnotherapist they're good at bringing you to the Past forget the past I'm not talking about the past I'm talking about now what are you saying about yourself now is it based on something for sure but the funny thing is everyone has the same thing we all have it so who cares what happened to you obviously if it's a big T trauma that you got to do trauma therapy but if it's all the little tea traumas which is what happened to most of us you don't have to go back there you going back there for what do we need the past for we're living right here right now oh I got some beliefs about myself that I'm somehow coding the future with so I can somehow navigate these stupid things that I'm saying about myself which are so Random statistically impossible not true at all and yet in common with most people because everyone's believing the same stuff about themselves and then I can neutralize it tase it and now walk into the future of experience everyone snap your fingers on four 1 2 3 take a breath feel the air on your skin feel the fibers of your clothing hear the sounds low frequencies the highs you hear the guitar now you hear the saxophone you taste the food your stomach's relaxed stomach's relaxed none of that anxiety social tightness peace how was that thank you very much everybody uh let's hear for Ellie also thank you Ellie okay if anyone has questions I can take questions go ahead you ripped it how is that by breathing and doing what how does how does that work that that makes you moment um well I was tricking you guys with certain ways of snapping and snapping and uh did some music to like knock you out of it we spoke about water water is a great way we're all drawn to water nature all these stimulation can overstimulate your dead senses um but that wasn't what we discussed we went much deeper than that what we did was we we identifi I'm going to say it clearly we identify the things we believe about ourselves negative beliefs we identify the negative beliefs we believe about ourselves that are getting triggered by the upcoming situation you understand and yeah since we're live I'll just share that I have 24 years ago I started a seminar that now is 14,000 graduates called the possible you uh anyone here did the possible you I don't think anyone here did it so let me just explain what is the possible you think about it if you're digging the past if you're digging your shovel in the past flinging into the future is your future possible or predictable which one really predictable in every situation you can basically predict how you're going to act because you've been do for years you've been in these survival patterns so it's called the possible you because it it puts the past in the past so that you can live into infinite possibilities the way an infinite being creates the world and all of a sudden you get like a total reboot on your life and you can experience everything fully so I just want to share that I'm running possibly you seminars if you know anyone in B Park in sorry Bor Park if you know anyone in New York area even New Jersey uh meaning near North New Jersey I'll be in Brooklyn uh next Sunday meaning not this Sunday but next Sunday I'm flying Mo shabas for but I'm going to be in Brooklyn next Sunday for the possu it's possi you.org and I'll be in Muny which is all the country people too all the uh you know Curious George Curious y the um that I'll be in M area um for the following week so the 1 of December is Brooklyn the 7th of December is MSY and guess what January I forget the date TW January 17th Jerusalem and I have full staffed branches in every city but Jerusalem is the only place I don't know why and I live here then I only do it a couple times a year it's only a few times a year and maybe be one time in a year but it's happening on January 17th so put in your calendar get yourself there it's going to be a phenomenal five nights it's uh about 6 hours a night we'll be together from 6:30 to 11:30 it's just like this it's fully like lights off lights on guitar playing the I'm I have three whiteboards we're charting we're literally a giant chart of your entire life of what you shovel into the future so you have that all charted