Face the Truth | Being the Man Training – Session 6

Today is about truth and um today's session is called face the truth. So let's begin. And you know what? We're going to begin at the beginning. And what is the beginning? The beginning is boratious. In the beginning and so what happened in the beginning there was chaos, right? Everything was like toouhu is explained also by Rabon that it's it's a mixture of darkness and light. What's a mixture of darkness and light if not chaos? And when said when God said vior let there be light. So he separated the light from the darkness and created order. How did he create order? With speech and what uh Jordan Peterson says, inhabitable speech, which is a funny thing to say, but if you know, a habitation is a house, a place you inhabit, like you inhabit a home. So God created order through inhabitable speech. And what kind of speech does God use? Well, truthful speech. God don't lie. And the world was created with truthful speech. And that begins the entire adventure of the world. Meaning the entire expanding universe is created from this speech. That's how the whole thing begins. And notice in your life, everything happens with speech. Possibly you is all about ne you know what kind of negative speech you letting get in the way cuz you think 60,000 thoughts a day. This is one of the scariest things is obviously you want to clean up your spoken speech, but what about the 60,000 thoughts a day, 300,500 thoughts an hour. How are those how are you going to make sure those are clean and true? You know, I I just had this thought on Rashana that everyone's trying to create a new year. You know, they're trying to make a new year, but everyone knows deep in their heart that they're going to go right back to what they were doing from the year before. Well, isn't it interesting? What are the things someone does? Well, the things you're doing are the the ways you protect yourself from negative statements of being. So, what day of the year do we do we announce that that we are new and fresh and we're starting an actual new year, a year of possibility, not predictability? On the birthday of Adamishan. Well, who's the person who was created in the image of God, which means that we're in the image of God. So if you on rashana and the machu and going into yom kiper if you're able to say I'm created in the image of god with with no garbage like clean if you're able to live clean with no garbage coming out of you meaning within you because it doesn't come out that's your secret secret messages to yourself all the negative stuff but but it's so apppropo that on the day of the created being who's created in the image of God. There's no evil there. Now, it's not that you don't have a you have to have free will. So, God puts a but that's not who you are. You're not. You have a who you are is who you are. And now let's go to the outer speech because this is this is a session called face the truth. So now when we go to the outer speech, the outer speech is is your way of creating via your speech. Like you create with speech. you know, the clothes you're wearing are was because you said yes to the salesperson. And the clothes were created because a businessman who created the clothes, you know, said yes to, you know, the investors said yes to that guy that said yes to the fabric maker who said yes to the shipper and it was shipped from the fabric was shipped from India. Everything happens with speech. The whole world comes with speech. And what kind of speech? Truthful speech. Now, check this out. Speaking the truth is so inconvenient. It's so inconvenient. It's so much easier to lie. So much easier to lie. And why do we lie? We lie for our convenience. We lie for inconvenience because the truth is inconvenient. It's actually said sometimes the inconvenient truth because it it's not always convenient truth. And so we lie. But here's the thing that the adventure of your life begins when you decide you're telling the truth or at least you're say I'm not going to lie anymore. Okay. Saying the whole truth maybe I'm not ready for it. But I'm not going to lie. No more lying. No more lying. Now why does that begin your adventure? Well, think about the entire adventure of creation. I do this because it's the expanding universe from beration. The entire creation came from speech and you've been given this ability to speak. And if you tell lies conveniently, so then there's no adventure. I mean, you get adventure if you get caught, but most men aren't going to lie if they're going to get caught. Like, you only lie when you're not going to get caught. But there's no adventure there. All you're doing is like sealing things off. You're you're it's insurance policies. You're protecting yourself when you lie. When you tell the truth, all of a sudden there's like there's um consequences and now you're on the journey. Now you're on the adventure. Your adventure begins when you stop lying. When you just tell the truth, then you deal with the consequences of whatever that is. That's the adventure of your life. And you should be on your adventure of life. Like take the adventure. It's amazing. It's it's embarrassing sometimes. and and you may have blown it and you may have made made some mistakes and and uh but take the adventure of telling the truth. Now let's move into the next level of this and that is living the truth. That a man not only says the truth but he lives the truth. And what does it mean to live the truth? To live the truth means integrity. I'm going to give you a definition. I know you're not supposed to use the word of uh you know when you're giving a definition, you're not supposed to use the word, but I'm using it because in this particular case, it works so well. You know what the word integrity means? Here's the definition. Integrating what you know with who you are. Integrating what you know with who you are. That's integrity. A person who lives with integrity, he he knows this that and the other and he integrates it. It's becomes part of him. You know when I go in my car and and Apple AirPlay goes on and all of a sudden my 11 speakers are how many speakers I got in my car? I got a lot of speakers in my car. So I I always customize my sound system. So these 11 speakers suddenly and the amplifiers all and the and the uh equalizers they all have work for my phone. It's like my phone is has my car has now integrated my phone. It's part of my car and it's playing accordingly. Now imagine you find a kid shoplifting in the local store. you're a store owner and you're watching the cameras just reviewing the day and you see this little neighborhood kid and he's pocketing some candy. So the next day he grabs the kid and shows him the video and he says, "Kid, you didn't pay for your candy." And the kid says he's scared to death. You know, he thinks he's going to tell his parents and everything. But what does he do instead? the stoner, stoner, the store owner. He um he actually um teaches him an amazing lesson about how petty theft destroys the world, brings out the pure. And he's showing them how like the society breaks down over the little stuff. You know, if you're not good at the little stuff, society breaks down in big ways. So he shows the kid after a while, the kid's like, "I got it. Thank you so much." You know, thank you for not telling my parents. I know why not to steal now. Anyway, later that week, he's checking the cameras again, and guess what? Little kid walks in there, steals a little candy, walks out of the store. What does that kid lack? He lacks integrity. He didn't integrate it. He didn't integrate it. It just went in out the out the other way. He doesn't integrate. One of the issues with integration is when you get over stuffed with information. Have you ever been in a classroom you got over stuffed with information you know the um in you know I didn't grow up from so so in university there was a quarter system where every three months was a whole new list of of subjects. Some of these subjects were fascinating. I was like wow I I so want to know this well. I so want to integrate this. And then what would happen? We have an exam. Now, it was a big party school, so I got to like study really hard on the last like three days. And then I would take the exam. And guess what? The very next day, I started the next quarter and whole bunch of more information. And it just wasn't working for me because I could not integrate that fast. But guess what? Everyone was learning. What everyone was learning was information is just information. You don't have to integrate it. It just like you can be a talking head. You just go go in this ear, put it out on an exam and take it out that ear. Like there's no need to integrate. But a man is is an integrated being. Information changes him. He is in a constant form of self transformation. Anything he hears becomes him. And I have a term for this, by the way. I created a I created a new word. It's not in the dictionary yet, but uh if you're interested, I'll tell you. It's called It's called physiologos. Physiology. You know what that means? Because you got philosophy is just ideas. Physio is the physical and physioo is ideas that change you, ideas that transform your life. And so man, he doesn't just have ideas. He he you know he he I might have told the story but I'll just tell it again. One of my daughters said they had an idea that I would sit I came home Shabas night that I would sit at the table. Sorry. They would sit at the table and I would serve the meal. This was their idea. Tati, we had this amazing idea. You're going to serve the meal and we're going to sit. Now they had no idea who they was speaking to, did they? So I said, "Oh, that's an amazing idea." And all the girls are like, "Yeah." And I'm like, "What a great idea." And they're like, "Huh?" I'm like, "Of all the ideas I've ever heard. That was an amazing idea." And then I went and sat at the head of the table and I didn't get up for like four hours. They were serving the meal like you. So the um anyway but in integrity means that you live the you live ideas are you like the famous thing they asked the professor there was a professor very not well behaved his name was Bertram Russell he was known for his uh lentious behavior and they asked him um they said how oh guess what he taught in university he taught ethics which means how to be a good person so they said to him like you you got the worst behavior like how can you be an ethics professor? You know what he said? He said if I were a if I were a geometry professor, do I have to be a triangle? And the answer is yes. Yes. Whatever it is you learn, you have to become. That's integrity. But here's the here's the dangerous part of integrity is that is that we trade it to look good. Get this clear. We trade it to look good. Every person has this disease of looking good for yen and looking good for others. We all so badly want to be accepted. And so we've been trained from the earliest years. It's instinctual. It's part of our it's like part of your animal instincts is to look good for others. And so what happens is we either raise our integrity meaning to look good for like I don't know a fummer crowd or something or more intellectual crowd. We either raise our standards or we lower our standards to look good for people. Meaning you're probably thinking that someone who's raised their standards is living with more integrity. He's also not. and it will backfire. If you're living a Yiddish kite that's that's higher than where you're actually at, it will eventually crash. A human being has to be integrated. You have to be integrated. And by the way, you don't have to drop anything. Just go study the thing. Like let's say could be anything. It could be sitsus, you know, meaning I'm sure everyone's wearing sitsus who's keeps the Torah. it. But um but imagine a guy who took it on like a Baltuva took it on before he was ready because everyone else had him. So he puts him on too. He doesn't have to take off his sitsus. He's got to learn what it's all about. And I'll give you a principle really important principle to live with is never take on a stringency in Judaism. Never take on any stringency. If you can't clearly communicate to a makele person why this brings you closer to God you understand like meaning someone who someone who holds bulas he's like not obstingent person who's intellectual high IQ and if you want to take on a humra you should be able to communicate exactly why this brings you closer to God why because is only to bring you closer to God, not to look good for somebody else because that's not living with integrity. And the and the make by the way someone asked was someone who l lives by leniencies. So going for looking frmer for other people, looking more observant, looking more stringent is going to backfire if it's not because it's where you're at. Now, by the way, you're not allowed to take on a stringency unless it's going to get you closer to God. But guess what? If you've discovered a stringency that gets you closer to God, you're not allowed to not do it. Why? Because the whole name of the game was to get close to God. That's what we're doing here. That's the whole point of creation. That's why we're here. So if there's a stringy that gets you closer to God, you kind of have to do it because that is the name of the game. Now might be you're not ready to do it. So you have to take it on a little little slower, but the but you will eventually you should be living with with integrity. Now what's the opposite? The opposite is someone who lowers not raising but lowers his integrity to look good. So that might mean like you're the kind of guy who doesn't talk in shul but now all of a sudden someone who you wished thought highly of you starts talking to you in shul. So now you're now you're stuck because you're having conflict. You got on the one hand I'm someone who holds by you know keeping my mouth shut and shu like I want shu to be between me and God like uh like we appreciate people who talk in sh by talking to God and the and the and the the guy who suddenly now to look good for the other guy starts talking in shul has just lowered his standards and that's not okay and that will also come back to bite you because you start losing your own dignity and and that's and your dignity is not for sale. That's your innermost covenant with yourself. Your innermost covenant with yourself. So a man lives with integrity. He's not looking around for his for how he should be behaving. And you got to know where you're at. You know, you don't have to you don't have to be someone you're not. You know, you you be exactly who you are. You want to grow, you can grow. You know, I remember um uh Mosha Feinstein uh was he's answered I think this is in in his uh great work on where he answered all the letters of the questions Iris Mosha and he um someone asked he said when I'm out in the country can I learn Torah in my undershirt now just my undershirt and sitsus and you know what he answered he answered I hope You can cuz I'm answering this question in my undershirt and t-shirt. That was his answer from a Mosha Feinstein. So it's like you know you're thinking Mosha Feinstein's you know spending his day in in the eight garments of the coin guttle bishodim but in fact he for him integrity and dignity was was yeah it's a hot day he's in the country he's wearing a t-shirt got his sitsus over it and he's good next childhood versions of God. Okay, we got two more little chapters. Childhood versions of God. Your whole the whole thing about where you are at in your relationship with God is an evolution. We believe in evolution. Meaning your relationship with God is supposed to evolve. Okay. Rebi when he's got these little kids in his class and he's trying to control them. You know, I understand the kids. They have very limited, you know, very limited understandings of the world. So the so the Rebi can't help but but say, you know, here are the two biggies. The two biggies is is God is happy when you do the right thing and he's angry when you do the wrong thing. And the other one is that God punishes for people who do the wrong thing. You don't want to get punished, do you? And God rewards those who are good. Okay, that is and by the way, we're going to have two parts. This is a a is this version of God that I don't know what you it's the Santa Claus god, you know, like like you know, happy when you do the right things and and rewarding and and angry when you don't and punishing. So this is not a not a version of God. That is an evolved version of God. But so many people live in that version. And so and and how do you know a version of God doesn't work? Because life doesn't work based on that version. I mean, if you're wearing the lens that everyone gets rewarded for being good. I know a lot of people being good, especially my neighbors here who they like they go some of them are going through like major stuff. Everyone's broke, you know, I live in the near like it's like fiddler on the roof here. Okay. So, no one's been financially rewarded, that's for sure, for doing the right things. And and some of them are suffering like real real stuff, you know, and there's no birth control, so there's statistical chance that they're going to have a you know, one kid's going to come out with three eyes, you know, and you know, every family has a te has their tests and and whatever. you get the point is that you can't have a kid's version of God for your life. And yeah, you know, I could just give you like one just real quick like such a simple simple thing is that God creates multiple lives, right? We are a reincarnation community, reincarnation tradition, which means that the stuff you're going through is stuff you had to go through. There is no other way. You can't get out of the stuff you have to go through. What possibly you does is it cleans you up. So the stupid stuff you're going through because of your lame vibrational energy that you can clean up. But stuff you have to go through in this incarnation, you can't get out of that stuff. So I'm just giving you just a quick example of of evolving your understanding of God and to know that when you're suffering, it doesn't mean God suddenly doesn't exist because you're suffering. There's there's a there's a whole of what we're doing here and and whatever it is you're going through is precise. It's precise. God is orchestrating your whole life around you as if you're the only person on the planet whether it feels good or it hurts. Anyway, that's that's part A. That was all part A. Part B is the the second childhood version of God is that we believe God is forgiving. I know you're like, "What are you going to tell me? God's not forgiving? Oh my gosh." Like, "Where are you going with this, Rabbi?" And the answer is is that is that God's only forgiving after the fact. He's not forgiving for the fact. He's forgiving after the fact. Let me explain. There's an important distinction, okay? There's before you, you know, you're in a test. Should I do it? Should I not? Should I do it? Should I not? So, you're in the test. Okay? And that's the part of God that's strict judgment. He's like, it's it's black and white. Don't do it. Like, period, exclamation point, like don't go there. You know, love. Don't. Okay. That's God. That's the mature version of God. Ah, you did it. Okay. So, God's What do you think God hates you now? You think God didn't know you were going to do it? God knew you were gonna do it. And that's the forgiving God. God knew. That's why we say when we do the 13 attributes of mercy, we say his name twice. God before don't do it. And God after you did it. You know, and you imagine when you do something wrong, when you when you did it, you shouldn't have done it. You think God's like, "Oh, oh, I'm so disappointed." You understand? God's outside of time. There's nothing you can do that he that he didn't know you were going to do. He set up the whole equation. He set it up and he all he knew like you maybe won't do it, but but you did it. Well, you think you shocked God and you think now you're out. Back to the first version A is now you're out because he did it. You're never out. You're never out. God God You could say he even loves you more because you're so cute that you did it. He's such an idiot. So cute. You know, let me You want to hear what I mean by cute for doing the wrong thing? Let's go to kids. Okay. So, you got an 8-year-old boy and you say to the boy, "Listen, those steaming hot chocolate chip cookies that mommy just took out of the oven, they're for your sister's trip tomorrow. So, don't take don't take any of those delicious steaming chocolate chip cookies from that plate on the kitchen table. Now, meanwhile that you have surveillance cameras in your whole house and so you go run back to your your wife. You're in the bedroom where you have a screen with all the cameras enjoying a tea together watching how long it's going to take that kid to eat the cookie. And you see him, he's already in there. And now he's like bam, grabs that cookie. He's just no braha. You know, he's just get that in his mouth as quick as he can. The cutest thing in the world. You're so cute. You're so cute. And God just wants to pinch your cheeks when you blow it. But how many people have let that part, the forgiving God, the second Hashem, take over the whole thing? And that's like, yeah, God will forgive me. Like, you know, God loves me anyway, so, you know, I'm just going to like go do whatever I want. Not a man. Not a man. Okay. A man faces the truth. And when a man's in that situation where he's got to make a choice, he makes the right choice. He makes the right choice. He faces the truth. We're not at the biddy of it yet. Make the right decision. Face your truth. That's where it's at. And so that was chapter three of today's Face the Truth. And the the last one is um now chapter 4 which is hold on pulling up my notes here. So glad I made notes. Oh yeah. Is is the it's very connected to to chapter one but it's to the man is the witness. Men are the witness. We're the ones who are the judge who judges a case in based in. You're the witness. You have to learn, listen carefully, how to disting how to you have to learn how to distinguish what happened versus the story about what happened. You have to be able to distinguish that because what happened is not necessarily the story about what happened and you got to clearly clearly distinguish that. You know, last night I was parking and I carefully didn't hit the car in front of me uh because I drive a monster truck and anything I hit it's going to generally get dented and so this but I was very close. So this this bucker walks up and he says, "You know, you're quite close to that car." And then he says, "You know what? You should get out of the car and take a look." He shows me the car in front of me has already a hole where my winch winch is a like cranes. It's like a crane that pulls you out. You can tie your car from the mud into a onto a tree and then press go and it will pull your car out. He says, "Your winch goes right into that hole." And I'm like, "Oh man." So, like what happened is, you know, my car went into this guy's car. The story is that, you know, is that I did it. So, it sounds like everything's cool. Yeah. The story of what what what happened and the story is what except I knew in my heart I didn't touch this guy's car. And if I touched the car, it definitely would have moved. And so, you know what I did? I I he said pull Oh, first he said pull away because he couldn't see. So I pulled away. You know what I did after this kid left? I went and took my I had I asked someone else on the street to I told him, "Let me get as close as possible to this car without touching it." He says, "Okay, that you're like a millimeter away." And I got out of my car and I checked if it was the same height as a little dent in this guy's car. It was not. It was not. And so, by the way, I'd already written out the note. I wrote out the note, my phone number. I'm so sorry I hurt your car. Happy to pay for it. The note was written and I just decided, actually went to Marave and then I on my way back from Marv, I'm like, I didn't hit that car and and then went and checked it out and no, it did not line up with that guy's car. And the but I mean, that's one example just that happened to me yesterday. There's what happened and then there's your story about what happened. So, let's give a much more uh serious example. Uh your wife says you don't consider her. You don't consider her. Only she says it out loud and she's angry about you having like whatever. You came home late or whatever you you blew it. Okay. and and now she's really upset with you and that you're selfish and that you're you're no good. You only care about yourself and you're um you know, you're just not a good guy. So, what happened was she just took you out. Meaning, she said, "You're not a Sorry, I shouldn't say that. That's that's the story is she just took you out." What happened was she said, "You're selfish." She said, "You're not a good guy." She said, "You know, you whatever. You only think about yourself or whatever. You don't consider me, right?" And and this side is that's the story is that is that she just took me out. She just she just turned me into a wounded little boy. She just took me down. And a a man's not like that. We are we are seeing situations and saying that this is what happened, right? This is what happened. Yeah, I could go into a whole story about, you know, what she said about me. But no, she just said that. That's all she That's what she said. That's not who I am. I I am sensitive and I and I am considerate and I care a ton about her. and I love her. And Lisa, you know, I was in a situation where I could not get home. I just couldn't get home. There was a whatever the the BQE was was backed up and and I was sitting there. It was like a parking lot for 30 minutes and there was just no other way. And I left on time. And you know what? A man doesn't even have to say all that stuff. All he has to do is just just be present with her. A man lives in reality, not in interpretation. A man doesn't live a man lives in reality, not his interpretation about reality. And women live very much in their interpretations. Children are stuck in their interpretations. They're all counting on us as men and especially leadership in business. Oh my gosh. Like the the the leadership in businesses is counting on sorry the people working in a business are counting on the leadership to not get caught up in the emotion of storytelling around reality. And so this goes full circle because the first thing we spoke about is that the reality is is that you're created. You're created with with you're part of God. That's who you are. And the story that you have about yourself is there's no integrity there. It's not who you are. And so I'm going to give you something to work with this week till we get back together and we'll be uh announcing the the kaburas with the real official announcement and you'll be able to sign up to them. And just to tell you financially the the intensive kabura that's going to be um just 10 people allowed in there. Uh it's going to be uh 10 sessions. It's going to take place over about three months and u that one's going to cost $1,600 for that. It's an hour and a half a week. It's going to be $1,600 for the 10 sessions. And the possibly you graduates will pay $1,500 for that. And the the large kabore where we're going to just go through each of the classes um without, you know, obviously we're not be able to hear people out at all. I mean, I'll be able to answer questions and stuff. Um, which will probably be pre-posted. Um, that kabore is going to be at a $500 price point. And people who are signed up to my channel, which is called Living Inspired Plus, which is anyway 49 a month, that's uh they're going to get $150 discount on that. So, they'll be part of that kabura and which is going to be beautiful man training. It's just not going to be with me in your, you know, in your stuff. You know, the the group of 10 is like I'm completely intimately in your life, in your marriage, in your in your world, whereas the the larger group is going to be um it'll be similar to this format only it's going to be long form so we can talk about how to how to work it in, how to truly integrate each of these steps. Now, uh, what I want to share with you all, oh, is, uh, just a task for the week. Let's work on on staying above the story we would tell about situations. Let's really call the shots for how we see them. Like really to to see truth, see reality, and live from that position. And every time you feel you're starting to get emotional about it cuz whatever you've let it mean cuz you're a meaning making machine. You try to interpret everything. But we're going to go into the um we're going to stay connected to the reality.