Best Rosh Hashana prep.

Shalom everybody and welcome to the Russashana primer. My goal in this session is to get you totally ready to to go into Russashana as if I feel like I'm ready to go into Russashana. But the but we're going in and and let's go in on the right foot. As you know in the possible you I tell you that the that my goal for you is full aliveness um love and closeness self expression >> can't hear you rabbi >> someone can't hear me test uh yeah everyone else hears me uh loving closeness and uh and the fifth one is the fifth one is fully satisfied. And when we discussed full satisfaction in the possible you, the way I the way I discussed it was the way I shared it was that you look in the mirror after every day and you say gishmak and you look up at Hashem and you say let's do it again. Let's do tomorrow just like today. And at the end of the year on cough test el which it already is here init that when you when you get to the the last day of the year you look in the mirror and you say gishmak meaning the previous year tshin was gush and you look up at hashem and say let's do it again should be just like tshin. What does that mean? It should be just like tin. What does that mean? more war, more financial issues for those who have been having a rough time with finance. That's not what we mean. What we mean is that it should be another year of aliveness, another year of love and closeness, another year of self um of uh self-expression, another year of of uh health and vitality, and another year of of satisfaction. Because as you remember in the possible you we were saying that that's life. Like if you have a 10 on all five categories, you you made it. And the opposite of those five categories are looking good for others, avoiding looking bad, um being right, making others wrong, dominating others or avoiding domination, uh justifying you know yourself for all the stupid things you do. And the last is um avoiding responsibility. And so what we're saying is is that if you have gotten off the red side of the board, meaning if you've gotten off all the things that have m basically been Billy the kid, you know, holding a gun up to your head. If you've gotten all I think I have Billy right here, actually. Yeah. Give me a gun. If you've gotten off of all the things of, you know, Billy the kid holding the gun over your head and you really got off those things and you, you know, take off those take off those motocross goggles you've been wearing and meaning take off get the mud off the outer edge of the goggles and that outer lens. Your life's Kishmak. Your life's Gishmack. Does Claudia still need more things? Yeah. But your life's Kishmak. You're having an amazing life. So if you want an amazing life, you don't have to go any further than that. You don't need to go any further than just stop trying to look good for others. Stop dominating people. Stop trying to be right. Stop justifying stupid stuff that's hurting you. and stop um avoiding responsibility and automatically your life's going to be gush. Now all of this what I'm discussing right now is talking about our lives individually. Rashana has nothing to do with you. Rashana is not connected to you at all. The whole entire moxer from beginning to end is in the plural. I mean they they the the rabbis put a little scare tactic in Musaf called Unisto which I don't think the Spartium adopted but uh anyone here um I don't know the name Abbott cesus sounds pretty sparty um do you Yehuda you guys have unatan tok in your uh no they skipped that yeah because it's the mur was given by anola it wasn't You're not supposed to add anything. The Ashkanazim added it. You know why? I believe they added it for those who are asleep during repetition of Musaf. You know, you know, they're just like like how much more can I be focused on God being the Melik and his general plan for for humanity? Because that's what it is. It's God being the Melik and God's overarching plan for humanity. for two straight days. That's all we're going to mention is God's the king of the universe and he has this overarching plan for for humanity and you're not even in there. You know, I'm surprised that even kept in the last last paragraph of like like he gave you one paragraph in the whole entire in the whole entire daming that maybe you could get a little word in for yourself during the year. But seriously, if you didn't pay if you didn't like figure it out, you probably wouldn't even pray for yourself all of Russash. It's not part of the deal. Unanata first farting listening like Yehuda over there. I don't know if you know what that is, but it it's this scary prayer of like who's going to live, who's going to die, who by fire, who by water, who by this, who by that, you know, and uh but if you do tou and you give and you um and you do the um you'll you can get rid of this decree that's going to happen, you know. But listen, it is our sages that say that you're judged on rashashana, meaning it's going to be written on rashashana and it's going to be signed and sealed on yippra. So it's like there is this individual thing happening and the people are already suddenly kid they're all set signed and sealed first day and people are in the balance. They got to dive into kipper and do chua and then apparently rash don't even get to do chua. The whole thing sounds a little shre that are not going to get to do chuva during the 10 days of chuva. But uh anyway, but then but we're all considered in the balance during those days. Now there's an obvious question. Why isn't yum kipper the day before? Right? Shouldn't it be yum kipers the day before? Why? We're going into a whole new world. Why should you go into a new world with soiled garments? Why should you have to have, you know, you're going in with dirty clothing into your new year? Like, what kind of new year comes with an entire year's aas? You know, everything you ever did wrong this entire year has to come in with your new year. What kind of new year is that? Sounds like an old year. And the So, like I said, the whole Russashana has nothing to do with you. It's not about you. So, it's also not about you, you know. So, then okay. Well, I don't want to go in with last year's a veras but the thing is is that how do you do an aa what gets you to do an aa the answer is a lack of clarity as we know the definition in the four steps of chuva the definition of the third step in chuva by the way in case you're wondering what the four steps of chuva is hey mayor the four steps of chuva is stop say regret commit is brahma stop say regret commit stop say it stop say regret commit Commit. Stop. Say regret. Commit. Stop what you're doing. Meaning if you've been delivering pizza on chabas, stop. Say it. You know, God, I've been delivering pizza on chas. Regret it. And what's the definition of regret? That if I had the clarity then that I do now, I would never have done what I did. Because why does anyone do anything wrong? It's a lack of clarity. Anytime you do something wrong, it's cuz you lost clarity. You didn't have you didn't have sas. you weren't you weren't clear. And so you we only do things wrong when we're not clear. You can't do anything wrong unless you're not clear. And so so what are you saying on the third step when you regret is if I had the clarity then that I did it now, I would never have done it. And then the last is commit is you commit to the future. Now of course can you guarantee that you're not going to do the same a vera in the future? No. But till you do the a clean. So listen, you can imagine a you know you you got a little kid in your house who's covered in dirt. You know, he's been playing outside and you're like, "I'll give you a bath." And he says, "Nah, I'm just going to be playing in dirt tomorrow anyway." Like, "Get in the bath." He's like, "The next day I'm also going to be playing. You know what? I'm going to have a bath on Friday cuz you know I'll just be nice and caked with dirt and I'll I'll I'll bathe it all off on uh on Friday." and the and you're not even going to be able to see him on Friday. He's going to be in he's going to look like the dirt that he was playing and you won't be able to find him outside. He'll be so dirty. So So what happens is when if we don't do chuva for what we did, even if we'll wind up doing it again, if we don't do chuva for what we did, we're going to be so dirty later. Because you see when you every time you do chuva even on something you're about to do again every time you do chushua on that you you come back to the clarity and when you have that clarity you say to yourself and then the aa presents itself you're like do I really want to get in the mud right now I'm feeling pretty clean right now do I really want to do that you know it's like uh it's like the um for people who are into mikvah you know a man who's into mikvah he he likes to be pure all the time. You know, he's always going to the mikvah. He's going to the mikvah mikvah. Except that there's a there's an ancient saying in the in the world, I'm sure it's also the Jews and the Gentiles, is is that a woman desires her man before he travels. And so, a mikvah guy is like, I don't know when the next time I'm seeing a mikvah when I'm going traveling. So like, you know, he he he just he just he doesn't want to walk around without having his purification on him. He wants to be pure. And when you're pure, you make different decisions. You understand? There's no like no like compounding things because hey, I'm already a little schmutzik. So remember that. So important to remember that. Ducha immediately. You see the atahara doesn't want one a vera doesn't get anything out of an aa you understand the what does the care about your vera you did one a vera no big deal to theara what the wants is once you do the ara and now you're feeling dirty is that that all the aas that come with that one a vera if it can get you to do that one now it can get you to do them all and so and so that's why it's so important that when you fall you rise eyes. When you fall into doing the wrong thing, you rise up. And uh I used to be in a god rock band in Jerusalem called the returning light band um with Benson Lair. So he wrote a song about I don't know 40 years ago that he taught me. I just happen to have a guitar coincidentally. So it goes like this. When I fall, I rise. When I fall, I rise. When I fall, I rise. When I fall, [Music] I rise. Try it, everybody. When I fall, I rise. When I fall, I rise. [Music] I rise. [Music] When I fall, I rise. [Music] So when you fall, man, get up quick. Get up. Get up. You know, it's like a boxer. You know, when he falls, it's not always a knockout punch. Sometimes he trips. Sometimes he does get knocked to the ground, but boy, he gets up quick. He gets up quick, you know, get off the ropes. You know, in the in boxing when you when the boxer gets against when his back's against the ropes, which is actually a saying in America, he's got his back on the his back's against the wall. You know, the um you know, you have nowhere to run. So, you got to get off those ropes quickly. You got to get up quick. And that chuva you do comes with this this clarity. So, let's talk about that clarity for a minute. I want to share with you the famous line that where balichuva meaning someone who does tashuva where balichua stand that sadik and gammorim cannot stand. They can't stand it because it stinks. Just kidding. Um where balichua stand the sadik and gammorim cannot stand. What's it mean? It means that like this. So this is a very important teaching I'm going to show you. Um, if you put it on a chart like uh and let's say this is tud sadikim here to sadikim in the corner of my screen your screen here and they're both they went to together now they're in you know shivana together now they're in yeshiva together and now they're they got married now they're in cola together like they're they're rising together they never did a they learn to they do mitzvah they are Good thing good boys. Now what happens? Let's go back. So they're growing. They're growing. They're growing. Now they're like, let's say they're about, you know, 16 years old. And what happens is, uh, sadic number two here. Saddic one, two. Sadic number two falls. He does something wrong. And he must have lacked some kind of clarity. He didn't made a mistake. And now they're on two different trajectories. They're both He gets back on his feet, but he's no longer where the other guy is. Yeah. where Sadi one is, Sadi 2 is not on that place. So what happens is Sadi number two here feels the pain, feels the distance. He's got a distance from Hashem that he's never felt before. You see that distance? He's got a distance that he's never felt before. And it's painful. It's painful. And what happens is when you feel distance, it hurts. Think about anyone you've loved that you felt distant from. Oh, pain hurts when you're when you're distant from somebody and or from some from Hashem. And we all know that we don't want to feel that distance. You know, we don't want to feel that pain. And what happens is with that yearning that the saddic number two has down here, that yearning doesn't cause him to come up to here. Why? Because this guy up here is not serving God with that yearning. He's not serving God with that same yearning because he's now got the yearning. He winds up not rising to here, but as far as he went down is where he winds up and now he's here where the sad gum or what does it mean sad gum? The guy who never sinned could never reach the place that the baluva stands. You get what I what I mean now? He can't reach it because he didn't fall and only some fall. Now you can't fall in order to do this you know you you can work on your yearning you know but but you it it requires it the only way to get there would be the yearning of the distance that had been created from the fall. And so the the first deciding number one he never had that yearning. And Hashem wants our hearts more than anything. And whose heart did he get in the end? He got really the the the heart that's that's pining for Hashem of the one who fell. So the one who falls and gets up, one who falls and rises stands in a place that the that the person who never fell. You get what it means that a person who never fell could ever stand. He can never stand there. Now let's go back to our original question. Why did God not put Yom Kipper first? The reason is is because the whole reason you do anything wrong is a lack of clarity. Well, if you lack clarity, how are you supposed to figure out what you did last year? How you how you supposed to figure out where you were all year? You understand? Like, how you going to get that kind of clarity of where where where you been? Where you being, man? Where you been all year? Where were you? You're going to get that clarity. You're in the middle of the year that you were far. You know, you're in the the foggy year, the the muddy year. You're in the middle of your muddy year. How you expecting to have that kind of clarity in the middle of your muddy year? And the answer is that the that the clarity is going to come because you spend 48 hours of of being in sh saying Right. We're going to be doing it because we're going to be getting massive clarity. The gods, the Malik. That's what's going to be happening is clarity that Hashem is the mel that there's nothing but hem and he's ruler running the show and that's all there is by having 48 hours of that. And so we're going to say havina her father the king her father the king her father the king for two days straight and the only other thing we're going to be doing there is blowing chauffear. What is chauffear? Chauffear is a not an inarticulate, no words, no it's just an expression of of the soul crying for God. You know, it's just the crying out for God to to to because you can't no one can actually understand who God is. No one's ever figured out who God is. We don't even know who this Melik is really. And so, we're going to serve him with an inarticulate voice from a a ram's horn. That's that's that's going to be our service of Hashem is just through this this voice because the voice is is not up here. Yeah. The voice isn't up here. That's the brain is where you break up the sounds. Yeah. The the wind in your lungs is ratson desire. The voice box the the you know your vocal cords is the emotion. And the brain is the is the what breaks up the the sound into um articulate words and the the chauffar is going to have lungs desire and it's going to have emotion but it's not going to be up here. It's not going to be there. It's going to be it's going to be, you know, on a very core instinctual place. And that core instinctual place is the place that we lose. You know, where we're distant. Look guys, on Kipper, you're going to be taking your right fist. You be hitting your heart. But if you stole, hit your hands. If you looked at the wrong things, hit your eyes. If you weren't careful with cautious, hit your mouth. If you listen to lush and horror, hit your ears. Why you hit your heart? Because if you ever ask someone to put that point their finger at themselves, they're always going to point right here. Cuz that's you're pointing here. Cuz this is the being of the person, not the doing. Is the being. We're going to talk about what we did, but we're going to hit who we were that did it. And that's being and doing. is that the the list of things that we did wrong is all in the world of doing but the fact that you did it if you did it um we're all of Jewish people are connected so whether you did or you didn't do it you're doing cha as a it's a collective chuma notice also y kipper doesn't mention you much either but the it's you know ashamadu it's all us us we you know cuz you're you're doing chuva um maybe an embed And I'll share with you some of the cabala of what that what's that what that's doing. But the um anyway the the the hitting of the hardness that who I was that did it. You see anyone who does choover for what they did the previous year is just going to do it again. That's why so many people are a little bit um they're a little bit cynical about yum kipper and stuff because like when I'm do a big chuva when I know I'm still doing the aas that I that I've been doing. What's what's the point of this chuva? But the but we're not doing chuva for what we did. We're doing chuva for who I was that did it. You understand? I'm doing chuva for who did it. You know like this guy asked me should I stop smoking cigarettes? He was standing outside of possibly. Should I stop smoking cigarettes? And I said, uh, you know, first let's see who's smoking the cigarettes. Then we'll talk about smoking. Then we'll talk about, you know, who's the guy who puts his mouth up to an exhaust pipe. And then we'll talk about, you know, whether or not, you know, that guy should continue doing that, you know. But it's it's not the doing, it's the being. And the only way you can do something wrong is a loss of clarity. you lost your clarity. So now you you got that distance once you're in that distant place. So so you can do the wrong things. But we now are going to have two full days for clarity. The rushana is clarity time. It's time to get clarity. It's time to get clarity. And it's a real brainwash. I mean, we're in SH a lot of hours, you know, and we're um blowing horns and and uh you know, and it's packed and and suddenly a braha can this shamm and a braha can last a half a minute. You know, I by the way, how did I learn my that when I'm saying hashem that I can do all the kabala I know on shame hashem for at least half a minute? You know why? Because I was in shul once and I pulled out my watch and looked at the second hand and I was like, "Okay." He says, "He says and the whole room goes, [Applause] well, I can hold my breath for a whole minute and I can also exhale even for a whole minute. So I can say Alo and then silently and during that whole no for a half a minute I can have in mind the is the final hey is is the uh this particular let's say is is the is mida is sod Right. And and that what is that? That's what o of the alabates the v plenty of time you know but like seriously now we're going to go to shul after doing minas in a you know you know like in liquid going on for 10 minutes a whole 10-minute min and suddenly the zebra is going to start singing after saying God's name like have we gone crazy and and sh's going to drag out for like 5 hours or 6 hours. Um, in Prince Carlen, we start davening at 7:30 in the morning and we have a half hour break during the whole day. We finish at 4 in the afternoon. 8:30, 9:30, 10:30, 11:30, 12:30, 1:30, 2:30, 3:30. It's three. What is that? Eight hours. We're doing an eight hour nomin. And I'll tell you though, it starts getting you after a while. You're like, the next thing you know, you're brainwashed. You know, you're like, you're in. You know, I take it at first it's a little rough, but after a while you're just like, I don't have anywhere to go and I'm not going to leave before tiskabu. So, hey, I'm in. And you you almost don't want to leave when it's over. And who wants to leave? You know, who wants to leave such such an experience? Now, um it's important to note that there's a that's not a that you take. It's a that you just have. Everyone has this and that's called vashoy vash expansion contraction expansion contraction. So for example in years 20 22 23 till 24 possibly you did a lot of expansion and we built a lot of infrastructure and stuff and and way more than we had who to give it to and then and then it was like okay we had to like pull back and like okay what are we focused on here and the but you always you expand and you contract expand and you contract so for example you're going to expand into rash And it's like with you. But then what happens? You can't help but contract. And hopefully if you're lucky during Russ at least somewhere during the 10 days of chuva, you're going to have this intense contraction. Meaning you're going to expand into Hashem and then you're going to the rubber band's going to snap back to you and you're going to say, "Where the heck have I been? Where the heck have I been? Where am I? Like what is going on with me? Where the heck have I been? And that contraction is very important. So even if the prayers aren't about you during Roshashana and really kipper, but when you have that rubber band snap back and you ask yourself where have I been? Where have I been? I've not been living with this kind of clarity. And then and but then you suddenly you have an answer for where have I been. You know where I've been. I have been all over the place. I do what I want to do when I want to do it. I look at what I want to look at. I eat what I want to eat. I say what I want to say. I listen to what I want to listen. I click where I want to click. I drive where I want to drive. I work when I want to work. And it's like, who's the me? Who's the God's? You're the When you have that contraction, you realize, oh my gosh, I have made myself the Melik. I'm like, I'm the Melik. Cuz that's where you live. You're living as if you're the Melik. Cuz you, you know, you're this autonomous being that just does what you want to do whenever you want to do it. And so you're, you know, somehow you know, autonomous. And during all of the two days of Russia, you're like, "Hame hame expanding, expanding, expanding, expanding, expanding." As you expand into the mel, what's happening is you got this like this oil, this lubricant that's like sliding under your crown cuz you've had the crown on your head all year and it's sliding under the crown. Like you take inside the crown, you like put oil all around, you know, around the crown and and it's like loosening. Your crown's loosening and after a while it's like and you put it on Hashem and you put the crown on Hashem's head. Let him be melik and then you realize, oh my gosh, like I haven't been living this way. I've been living as if I'm the Melik. And then you crown Hashem. You crown him over your eyes. You crown them over your nose, crown them over your mouth, you crown them over your ears, crown them over your heart, crown them over your bliss. Then you put Hashem first. What does Hashem want me to do now? What does Hashem want me to do now? Crowning Hashem. Make Hashem. Now if I asked you everything you did wrong all year, you'd never remember cuz again the only reason you did anything wrong was we lack clarity. So what are you supposed to have clarity now? Where you been? You couldn't do Chua if you wanted to. If we tried to put Yam Kipper before Rashana, you wouldn't have much to say really. But after the expansion of Rashashana and the contraction of the six days after and then you go into that seventh day when you're in Kiper as this far call it Kipu they skip the Y part Kipu when you get to Kipu you wow you know you now you're like where because you you have to have that where have I And the where have I been isn't so much what you did. Where have I been is where have I been in my being? Like how far away have I been from my maker? And then comes the yearning. The yearning for the closeness. I want Hashem. I want to be close. And as I yearn for that do the cha then I can start talking about the doing. And we don't have to figure out the doing. it's listed in the fate and I highly doubt that anyone in this group has uh has uh you know done a fraction of the things that it says you know in the list of things that people do But for us possibly graduates, we we just want another year like last year. Yeah. Give us another year like that. I'm not talking about as cla wants Msiah. We want B mikdesh. you know, lai and certainly an end to the Russian trying to kill us all over the world and especially in the Middle East here. We definitely want for Claudia, but for us, we're we're looking at a guy, a group of men, and I don't know if any women are on this call, but I'm looking at a group of people that are committed to to living a liveness. What is How do you live a life? How do you do that? To live a life, just keep your hands on the wheel. You know, God's working through you. You know, we are partners with God. We are partners with God. Let us make man. It's not a Hashem making you. We're we're you're making you with Hashem. And you may want to say, "Well, Hashem's got this." He's like, "Keep your hands on the wheel." You know, cuz cuz he's doing it with you. He wants you to hold on to the wheel. take the turns. But when we're avoiding responsibility, say Hashem's got this. Avoiding responsibility, that was not the partnership God created for you. You're in partnership with Hashem. And as long as you keep your hands on the wheel, as long as you keep your your responsibility where it belongs, you're like, you're going to feel so alive. Full responsibility. And the next thing is to to have love and closeness. Well, how you going to have love and closeness is commit in your life that you're not going to try to be right, not going to try to make others wrong, and you're not going to try to dominate anybody. And you're not going to try avoiding people's domination. And then you'll just have love and closeness. Because if you stop comparing and com, you know, trying to compete and be the better guy at something or know more or win an argument, you lose your love. So, but if you're committed to love, then you're committed to to stop dominating people. And then the the next is to have self-exression. And that's that's a you know that's very basic self-expression is just stop looking good for everybody and you'll express yourself you know just just stop spending your life trying to look good. Yeah. I just got a message recently by accident. Someone just mentioned the guy's name and I I he sent me his contact so I would go to his contact. Turns out I had messaged with this guy many years ago. All the guy wanted to know is how did I have the courage to be so, you know, public, you know, like do what I do in the world? Like, how did I get the confidence to do that? And the answer is cuz I I just can't afford the the opposite. I can't I can't spend my life just looking good and avoiding looking bad cuz that's the You want to feel dead inside? Great. Spend your life looking good for others. Spend your life avoiding your own self-expression to for what might they say. You know, that's that's one way to have a lousy life. Yeah. I'll tell you the truth. I believe that if you don't express yourself in this world in the way you were meant to, God's just going to throw you right back in the pond. He's going to take the hook out of your mouth and just throw you right back in the pond. What I what I put you down there for? You're called a medab. You're an expressor. supposed to express yourself in the world. Spend your whole life scared to death what someone's going to say. Those people are also going to die. Yeah. The way that's the way you want to live. Well, I don't want to mess up my kids schooling or mess up my kids or whatever that is. Your kids are going to be so messed up by the fact that they have a father who can't stop looking over his shoulder. They're already messed up. You already messed them up. Their father's driving with with his behind on the dashboard, steering wheel between his legs, looking out the rearview mirror. Kids are messed up. You already messed up your kids. You're afraid they're not going to get a sh and you already destroyed them by their sensing vibrationally that that all you care about is is looking good and avoiding looking bad. you know, you you you already did a number on them and they and and then later you're expecting your kids to have any courage and their father didn't, you know, and like this guy is asking me how did I have the courage to do this? It's like what's the alternative? The alternative is is death. Is death to not express yourself to feel dead. Can that be a midab? It's not even like it's not even like you're coming with some kind of here. It's not like you're coming with some like outside wisdom. Your whole life has been in the Torah world. It's like it's like you're you're not bringing something that's not, you know, digestible by by the world around you. It's like where are you going to get that anyway? It's not like you're you're looking at uh you know just get over it already. Show your kids that their father's got some courage. Speaks up. Has a tough kid. Figured out what he's here for. Something to say at his hespa. You know, you want your kids to be at your Levia and they wind up you wind up with a Kirkland hespit. You know they meaning they just get whatever around who knew you get up there and say you were eating potato you that's what you want that means you're already dead now you're already dead if you're going to wind up with a Kirkland hespit you're dead now and your kids watched you live dead and the They're going to go to the funeral here. The Kirkland husband. He died years ago. And you wonder why the Jewish world's going through a hell. You know, it's amazing the globe stays in orbit from the weight of its problems. The ball should just fall right through space. Yeah, but you you know every problem is only because somebody didn't stand up and say something. But you can't say something about big stuff if you don't say something about small stuff. just in short today. sid who uh he was a young had his his guard with his talis tucked in you know to the the back of the talis tucked in but he had pulled it forward cuz he probably saw that growing up like didn't know that there's a one of the two in front two in the back this kid's not in this far he didn't know that and nor did some other old he I knew and so he has both sites coming out the front meeting all four the front cuz it's coming out his guard a little out the front. So I don't want to bother anybody but you know and I walked up to him and I said you know there's an idian to have those sites around the back so maybe slide them back at least halfway back so they're a little more than halfway towards the back just to be like two behind you. Why' I do that? I can just leave. I can just leave. I don't have to do that. And the answer is because if if I can't do that with a one individual, what's going to happen when the whole community is going down the toilet bowl? Who's going to stand up when the community is going down the toilet bowl? You know, when I was young, I was part of a community that had some serious issues. And I was too young to stand up for it. I couldn't stand up. I just didn't have the courage. I didn't have the strength. I was so young. It was. Anyway, guess what? Um, after all was said and done, when the dust settled from this like crazy thing that happened in the community, um, the people who were wrongly accused in the community who subsequently had their lives completely uprooted and it's been like, you know, a lot of disaster, a lot of it was like a nuclear bomb for these families. I found out that they hated me and I I've never had enemies. And all of a sudden, I had enemies. Who were the enemies? The enemies were the people who who were got nuked during this like spasm of a neighborhood like in this community like when in like one of these it's called a phantom. I forget it's called a phantom. It's a whole unique thing that happens to communities where they'll have like a like a dark shadow will be cast over a community and and then there'll be accusations. It was all it turns out in the end there was like there was nothing there, you know, like there was no there was nothing there at all. But this this happens and and it's happened in Jerusalem several times throughout different communities and I was in one of those communities. Anyway, I got in it. I got enemies. Guess why I got enemies? You think I didn't go check? I went and checked. I found out I spoke to this one, spoke to that one. Find out what the hell is wrong with this guy that is hates me now? No, he hates her. His family hates him. What's going on here? And every time, ready for this? Every time. Why didn't I stand up for them? Why didn't I stand up for them? So, I'm speaking to these people and I'm like, I myself was freaked out. You know, I was I was 30 years old and I was like I was like I didn't know what to do. I was like trying to save my own family from this like from this hell that that that suddenly entered the community. You know, you ask me why I didn't stand out. I'm young, you know. They it should have been the elderly people in the community like like there were white beards, you know. Let them stand up for you. They these people somehow knew that the way I already stood up, the way my sukus parties went, the way my Kaneka lights would go with with I didn't seem to give a damn. You know what anyone thought when it came to Kiru at least like they thought that would be the guy who would stand up for me. I mean, I'm the only guy who had any courage to speak up about anything. So they just thought when push came to shove I would stand up for them. I was scared to death. I was young and dumb and scared and I didn't stand up. But I'll tell you this man did I apologize. Apologize profusely that I said something. Listen. I I just wasn't I wasn't courageous and I want you to forgive me, but I didn't step up. And so far I've got the forgiveness of uh almost everyone. There's still a couple hold outs. Um I mean they went on to live their lives. I'm sure they're not throwing darts at my picture every day. But the uh but the um what a lesson though you hear the lesson everybody. Are you getting this lesson? The lesson is is if you don't stand up on even the small stuff. Yeah. Good luck on the big stuff, man. Good luck. Then what are you going to do when it gets big? For sure you're not standing up and the world's going to hell. The world's going to hell because no one's willing to stand up because everyone's too busy looking good as opposed to being good. And being good takes a lot of courage, but it builds in. It shows your kids have an amazing example of what it is to to be a man. And I regret it deeply and I wish we we don't know who we are. You know, I heard an amazing thing that that when you stand up, let's say you given a B, you're giving a barter at a chev or whatever, anything you did in your work professionally, you're in sales, you're talking to them on sales or whatever it is, you're fundraising, fundraising, whatever it is, the person listening only sees what you're offering. They only see the good stuff. You know, when I get up to speak at a seminar or at a a public talk, what are they saying? They're saying like my greatest self. What am I saying? Oh, you have no business on this stage. Who the hell are you, man? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's there's 10 people in this room who have more more terror in their background to be up here than you. You understand? They don't see you knocking yourself down. They don't see all this false humility. you got and all this meaning even if it's not false even if it's your real shortcomings no one on the outside sees that when you're presenting it's really important to remember that when you're in sales or whatever they're only sensing think about when you get a phone call at solo and they want their yearly thing you're you're only thinking like okay at solo what do they do and this saleserson on the phone wants to me to give 18 bucks or something you're not thinking about the fact that the person calling you scared to death So, you have to remember that everyone only knows you as as as you show up. And the more you show up, the more they're going to know you as someone who shows up. So, show up. The self-doubt is a private conversation. Your own brain. Nobody hears that. Only you do. So, show up. And if you show up, you'll have self-expression. And if you have self-expression, you're going to be alive. You're also going to express love. So you got not only aliveness, you got love, closeness, you got self-expression. And then the um and if you're just willing to stop justifying stuff, you know, I I know I've already got it down and I'll remind everybody as long as you know that every time you tell yourself how to scuff up, it's probably some kind of header to to to continue what you're eating or continue what you're doing or, you know, anything you're doing or avoiding doing. And if it comes with some kind of you know you're off. So what happens is right now for many of you you know I don't know if there's like aish for you to hear this that every time you're ever doing something you always a human being always has to build a you have to build a story around it and then you can do it you know like for example they offer you more chilling you're like yeah you know it's shabas day in the summer so it's like so it's like I got more time you know to rest today so maybe I'll have a second helping of chewing when really you're overeing and you're going to destroy your digestive tract for the whole rest of the night you know you're going to barely be able to eat shudas or malam mo even though it's summer but you create a wholekaf around it so now it's a finish to you that everything you ever maret everything you ever justify is with a hashkafa you can't justify something without a hashkafa first but once you get that from now on every time your brain tries to create akafa you just catch it right away you know I'm at the point now where my brain creates a scafa and I'm like ah there you go in cuz I know every time this I'm creating a hashkafa I'm about to do something dysfunctional every time I'm about to create a hashkava every time I'm about to create some kind of philosophical narrative around what I'm about to be doing there is dysfunction right now I'm in dysfunction mode or once I'm in dysfunction mode I'm taking away aliveness I'm taking away satisfaction. I'm I'm if it's health oriented, I'm taking away my health and vitality, you know, going to live shorter. Or maybe if a shim's in charge of how long you live, maybe I'm going to turn my body into a jail cell for the last 20, 30 years cuz I'm cuz I'm not taking care of myself cuz I built a story around, you know, mñana, you know, I'll do it tomorrow, you know, push it off, take it easy, you know, like the uh our community will put uh don't be a mit, don't be from the avenue. go, you know, doing an exercise and stuff, you know, that's that's a good don't be like the Greeks, you know, a Jew. The only muscle he has to work on is his is his thumb learning, you know, otherwise you're it's Greek, it's hashkafa. It's building more. And uh you should know all Jews were strong, you know, cuz we were we were working. Work was not behind a desk. That's for sure. No one was sitting behind a desk throughout Jewish history. We were strong. And um and also we didn't have processed foods. Everything was whole foods. Everything was, you know, 100% healthy the way God made it. And um let's uh and then the final thing is satisfaction is to live a satisfied life. And that what how do you live satisfied experience being in the mood? Everyone snap on four. One, two, three. Cuz who's the most satisfied person in your house? The 2-year-old who has no concept of time. They just live in the moon. Right? Don't take away their toy, you know. Don't take away their toy without handing them another one. You know, they they they just live in the moment. You can distract them from one thing to the other. They they just live right here, right now. Right here, right now. In other words, they're in full satisfaction full time. In the moment, the way makes the world something from nothing, something from nothing. So you got linear time, but you got vertical time. Vertical time is Hashem creating world vertical time. Horizontal time is the past and the future. But a Jew is connected to now and now and now. Hashem's name is Yud. And then now now you're made of that. You're got a Y. Hey, we built