Rabbi Yoel Gold Connecting with Others in a Genuine Way at 9th Annual Project Inspire Convention

okay okay good morning everybody good morning thank you so much for coming this morning so you might know that I'm from California people tell me all the time that in California Los Angeles the entertainment capital of the world everything there is either fake real a real fake so what they say is if you go to Disneyland Disney really captures your imagination you meet these fictitious characters Mickey Minnie Donald Duck and they come to life and they look almost real but they're fake it's a real fake on the other hand you go to Universal Studios afterwards and you take this bus tour through the movie sets and you see all these buildings again they look real but it's a fake real it's not real real it's a fake real and unfortunately that's the type of world we live in today we live in either a real fake world or a fake real world and today's topic is let's get real so I think the same is true with relationships today relationships are either fake Creole or real fake you know some people you go to social media and you look at their profile page and on the page they have pictures of the most perfect vacations pictures of the perfect spouse the perfect children and everything is great it's almost like an alternate reality and it's a real fake reality that's not real life and then when you meet them in person it's a fake real hey how you doing good Boracay chef yeah we'll be in touch right right you'll see your next job is right yeah do you have my number no again it's a fake real and today I want to talk to you about how we can become really real and develop cultivate deep and meaningful relationships so when my wife and I moved to LA a few years ago I remember Los Angeles if you ever visit a very health conscious culture and I remember I was swept I was swept up by the self-conscious culture I remember like we went to a shop in a place called erawan and Whole Foods and you know within a few months I decided okay I'm gonna try this gluten-free sugar-free dairy-free and I realized the label the more free it's said of the label the more expensive it became actually I don't know why but that's the way and within a few weeks I was really I cut I cut out sugar out of my diet I cut chocolate out of my diet I cut candy out of my diet all the good foods and then one day I decided to take it to the next level I decided to start juicing every single day I remember I went to Best Buy and I bought the most expensive juicer on the shelf I think it was 350 bucks I bought the juicer I went to Whole Foods I bought organic fresh green vegetables and I brought it all home and I started juicing breakfast lunch and supper by the end of the day I was like I expected to feel very healthy energetic vibrant and alive and I see you're shaking your head already you know the story I was feeling so sick I was doubling over in pain and I remember I turned to my wife I said I said what's going on I should be feeling great by now right and she said to me compassionately she said y'all I think it's the juice I said did juice you know I learned very early on that in every relationship one is always right and the other is the husband so the men are not laughing notice and it took me a while but you know I process what I process what she said and it was true it was the juice and I learned a very important lesson as I was laying in bed I thought to myself wow that amazing you can have the healthiest ingredients the best tools the best juicer but you can't change your life overnight you can't become healthy overnight it takes time it takes consistency and with relationships especially to develop and cultivate deep and meaningful relationships it doesn't happen overnight it doesn't happen in a year not even two not even three sometimes my wife and I look back ten years ago and we laugh because we think wow we thought we were in a relationship ten years ago what a joke it takes time number one so I want to talk to you about two ideas today that you can implement immediately but you'd only see the results if you're consistent and you do this every single day so let's start with idea number one this past circus my family and I had the opportunity to be in there it's a selfie up t'v so we lived in Israel five years after we got married we moved England LA and we got back to Israel with our children and it was a very special experience I'll never forget this I was standing at the costal Plaza if you ever been to Israel by the Chi Sol standing at the Chrysler Plaza it was Monday morning column white I was standing with Lula Vanessa Regan hand and that was davon and Hollow and all of a sudden I felt that we hadn't begun saying Marshal raha Marrakesh him yet but it was drizzling and I thought to myself this is Israel it's Collinwood circus you know I'll just wait it out it'll stop but I was wrong continued to drizzle the drizzle turned into a downpour of rain and everybody began running towards the crevices the tunnels alongside the coastal Plaza now you had I'm in hundreds if not thousands because it was a color my tuchus he had all tourists and whole everybody who's come to me Allah reg I'll and it was packed and I ran into one of the smaller tunnels alongside the Chi Seoul Plaza and we were standing shoulder-to-shoulder everybody was waiting for the storm to pass and I think was a Jericho stood in front of me a bells in behind me a Colonia on the side the Safari on the other side and we're standing squished and all of a sudden I heard it the back of the tunnel there was must have been a 15 year old Walker he started singing this amok tava get overly so I saw me yeah and within seconds that chant that song turned into everybody erupted and song and everybody was holding hand in hand and it was just I was standing to think of myself Wow you know the quote that came to my mind was life is not about waiting for the storm to pass it's learning how to dance in the rain and that's exactly what we were doing by the cuy soul and her cold an incident when I was in high school I went to Adelphia New Jersey and I remember after I graduated I went to learn in Lakewood and I was looking at liquid one day and I got a call from my ninth-grade Rebbe you always kept up with me his name is grabbed of a shrink very special man you know him laughs double trekkers I think you know one of the gorillas I'm a handsome of our generation and he called me up he always kept up with me and he says you know you screams into the phone yummy I said hello Rebbe he said Yardley you know I went to camp makan adelphia DS he said you remember this and this guy he's getting married tonight I was wondering if you know where the wedding is I want to go to the wedding so I said Rebbe I'll be honest with you I don't know I think the wedding is in a terrace of Rome in Williamsburg so he puts down the phone with me and that was that I didn't hear from them again the next morning the next day I bumped into a friend of mine and in the course the conversation I discovered actually as I was talking to him he knew the guy I didn't go to the wedding cuz I didn't keep up with him but he knew the guy and he said to me the wedding was actually the atrium in the in muncie so I thought to myself oh no I hope Rebbe didn't go to a terrace of ROM in Williamsburg I mean it's like what is it a three-hour drive from the atrium I mean if it's rush hour forget it and he said to me no yeah we don't worry about it you know if you didn't call you probably made it to the atrium I said I hope you're right a few weeks later I was walking I think it was Clifton and Lakewood and on the other side of the street I hear highway Yahweh and I hear Rab me how are you and across the street that we have a conversation and we start talking and of course the conversation I remembered the wedding I said Rebbe did you ever make the wedding in the atrium and he looks at me and a faint smile appears in his face never forget this and I know I'm in trouble and he said to me says you only I want to tell you something and his face turned serious he said almost six thousand years ago when a Shem created the world he decided that David shrank will have to sit in traffic from Lakewood to New York three hours in rush hour and then go back three hours from New York to Lakewood I leave don't worry about it you might have been the catalyst but you weren't the reason there must have been another reason I don't know what yet myself but it just forget it I said Rebbe I feel so terrible please what did you do what happened he said I came into this wedding and he is you know I looked for guy with the casillases spirit and he walks in the terrace of Rome and he sees that everybody's wearing a scrambled Costner's wearing a Sputnik and he looks around that he says I think this was a mistake I'm in the wrong place she said yo Lee I looked up to heaven and I said Hashem for some reason I have to be here I don't know why but I got a beer I grabbed the customs and if you know him it makes sense he goes over there in the middle of the circle he grabs the crosses and he dances with him a minute and he drives back to Lake with never making the wedding in the atrium I said Rebbe I feel so terrible I'm so sorry he said you know he don't worry about it I think it was probably the most powerful Shir he ever gave me and it was a short while ago I spoke at a binder Island event in Brooklyn and I wanted to repeat the story I called him up and I said really can I share this story with people he said don't share it nobody has to know about this why do you have to publicize my name and the story I said you know why Rebbe I said because when people hear the story they might be inspired and learn a lesson of what it means to dance in the rain that even when it's difficult even when it's challenging you can dance in the rain you don't have to wait for the storm to pass because you have em you know that wherever I am in life that's exactly where I'm supposed to be it doesn't make sense sometimes but that's exactly where I'm supposed to be I remember to Madras the Madras says an amazing mentor is the measure says that moisture up they knew when he was shepherding the Sheep of his father-in-law yes Roy everybody knows he was in Midian and one day he comes to the snare so the man who says how did moisture a banal get from Midian to the snare we know a college bar who appears the very first time to mush at the snare but how did he get from Mindy on point A to point B you know it's a it's a couple of days the snare is in the middle of the desert it's heresy night that's what we received the Torah how did he get from Midian to the snare the mattress tells us an amazing story mattress says one day my should have been was now skirts of Midian shepherding the Sheep of his father why one sheep I'm Shaiful own Shep's alone broke away from the flock and runs deeper into the mid bar runs deeper into the minbar Mishra vane was eighty years old he's chasing this little Shaiful and he finally finally finally slows down summer in middle of the desert the schaeffler sees a pool of water thirsty and begins to drink starts drinking a Mishra Bain was overcome with compassion overcome with compassion and he waits for the little sheep to finish drinking picks up the safe alone and puts the head on his shoulder and he says ah you must be ah so tired you must be so so tired let me walk you back let me hold you let me carry you and as soon as he turned around the mattress tells us he turned around to walk back to Midian there was a burning bush that wasn't being consumed I snapped bullied by a nanoucoco and right away my sure I mean who says wow what a Mara and my hooks in the meadow she took three steps or he just turned his head but either way he was a surly rice and as soon as he took those steps he made a move Hashem sets moisture Moshe sham speaks them Hashem says what does the ship say we all know what a sham says take off your shoes kammo claim i sure after I made olive at Moscow the shoe and the carpets crime says listen to this hobbits climb says I'm said to him you thought when this little Shaiful it broke away from the flock and ran deeper into the mid bar you thought it was a detour you thought somebody gave you the wrong direction status of ROM you thought there was a sent back a son says what seemed like a sent back was a setup I brought you here because I want to talk to you how luckily my sure after I made all of AD misguided issue it's holy ground so sometimes we were faced with a difficult situation it doesn't go as planned we have to remember how love kamesh sure after I'm a dog I'd must going to dance in the rain because that rain is planting the seeds for something big so there are climate colors asks a very simple question a crime says one second so you're telling me he was supposed to come to a certain place and stand there soshim can talk to him so why didn't touch them tell him to take off his shoes before he steps onto the holy ground why did I [ __ ] wait until he stepped onto the at Moscow - to tell him to take off his shoes I remember when my mother did sponger when I was a kid I had to take off my shoes before I walked into the house not as soon as I walked into the house I ruined sofa time welcome I share a time ago when I'm not going to shoe Shem should have told him she'll know Mallory Gluck or beforehand serves all mr. ruskin he says am i reading of art he says you know why because beforehand it wasn't Kadesh do you know do you know who made that ground holy my sure I know you know how by not getting this regulated not getting frustrated not getting upset by staying grounded no pun intended how Morecombe assure after I made olive you came to the wedding and danced you stood by the castle and danced it was raining it wasn't it wasn't comfortable but you were a middle of you stood there you faced it you were present you were in the here and now you were in the moment you stay in the moment it's odd my Scottish you can bring kedusha into your home's into your communities by staying in the moment if it's a mahkum a strata a module of admah scotch and now she'll my local mallow gotta take off your shoes because you've been elevated to the status of a Malick so I have an opportunity to be a rabbi initial people say oh you're a Robin and a Los Angeles I always say rabbi Manuel Feldman from Atlanta once told me what's the difference in a rabbi in a rub so I'm not a rub he says the rough leads a rabbi serves very different functions that's why the rub sits with his back facing everybody else you want to you want to follow I'll lead no problem the rabbi sits in his front facing everybody make he makes sure everybody is happy so I'm a rabbi and I stood facing everybody else and I love if I get this one shot this morning Shaq knows this is mine to control and I see all the way from the back in the coffee room I see that there's a 12 year old boy and he walks out with a piping hot cup of coffee and he walks over to a guy right next to a guy his name is dr. Arne Ross he's a pediatric podiatrist very very nice man and he puts this cup of coffee down right next to Arnie and he's about to open a sitter to Davin and something inside of me tells me that this is a setup for disaster and then take 30 seconds he opens a sitter soon as soon as he opens a sitter he opens a sitter on to the cup of coffee and the whole cup of coffee spills and Arnie Ross on a Chaba suit so I quickly take my sitter and I cover my face I did not want to see our knees in reaction I was like oh no but I guess the cure my curiosity got the better end of me and I peeked out for my sitter la da smile SLA what's gonna happen to this twelve-year-old boy and I'll never forget this I see Barney he leans back in his chair very comfortably he lets out a sigh and he smiles looking at the kidney says ah what a warm experience I was shocked talk about a mock I measure out two I middle of oddness kinda show I was so impressed I remember walking over to Arnie afterwards and I said dr. Ross how did you do that and he looked me in the eye and he said rabbi pointing to his sued he said I just decided to go with the flow I think the most important part of relationships is being in the here and now being in the moment that's not always easy we have such busy lives but remember himeko I should utter a model of the spouse that you chose the children that you have the people that come into your life their orchestrated by divine providence how mahkum ayah surah 2 ayah Allah Vashem says exactly where you are that's exactly where you're supposed to be I'm not gonna shut up I'm Adele of adverse condition you can make it holy I want to tell you an amazing amazing story now if I tell you to Billy I hear stories all day people contact me email me call me and stop me telling me stories this is by far one of the best stories I ever heard this is unbelievable but it really illustrates the point we're talking about so a girl she's 23 years old she asked me not to mention her name we'll call her Hannah Weinstock it's called a Kanna Weinstock I hope nobody's name here in Scranton Weinstock so she calls me I was his rabbi I have a great story to share with you I was like okay go she said a few months ago she was an artist URL she was in Israel and she was staying in spot for Shabbos she was in sat for Shabbos and she said that she wasn't feeling so well she was the Hydra a little bit she she really was having headaches she was feeling nauseous and she said that she decided instead of saying mother Shabbos Sunday's throughout the weekend she was supposed to stay there for a longer time she'll go back to her no purse she was staying at and she'll come back she'll rest up she goes back to her no she rests up Sunday afternoon she gets a call she's in bed not feeling so well she gets a call from a friend in Haifa and their friend says kana I need a favor I'm working on a project for a certain company and I need a picture from happy Hara buys from a from a certain angle on the Hara bias now you can get that angle that picture if you stand on a certain place on the horizon so she asked kana could you please go to horizion take a bus charge em and you'll get there and you'll stand there she told her exactly where she has to be anyways kana wasn't feeling well but she really wanted to do her friend this favor so she gets up mamas mysterious nefesh and she goes to sticks and bust out the Sharks come and buy sharks come she was taken suppose take another bus and she sees she wasn't feeling so well her head was a little you know she was spinning and she told me she was nauseous and she noticed that there was a blue and white bus that pulled up now blue and whites very blue and white is the color of the Israeli flag by the way and it's interesting that Arab buses their colors are blue and white and the color of the Arab flag which is green and red that's the color of the egged buses the Israeli buses so it's very interesting so you know you know she wasn't feeling that great and she wasn't thinking so she sees that there was a blue and white bus pulling up she was using Google Maps by the way to get around to get the hair Jose says never do that now just roll and she gets onto the bus she gets up to the bus and she was she wasn't feeling that great she didn't notice anything she sits down and she falls asleep she falls asleep she wakes up 25 minutes later and she wakes up and she sees she obviously she must have she must have realized that she missed her stop the bus stop she was only supposed to be on the bus for 5 min within two minutes she fell asleep and she twenty-five minutes 25 minutes later she wakes up and she's uh she's the middle of Eastern Jerusalem she doesn't realize it yet though some but she knows she has to get off the bus because she went too far as she gets off the bus and she crosses the road to take a bus back from the direction she was coming from but the problem is because she was Eastern Jerusalem there was no real bus stop where she could find the bus so she's waiting there alone standing alone strand that she didn't know this but it was actually the first night of Ramadan I first met in Ramadan it's empty it was towards evening and all the Arabs were home they were breaking their fast now by the way you can't believe if I would if I wouldn't have heard this myself by the way this is just an unbelievable story so listen to what's happened what happens but it's a true story it's true she told to me I spoke there three times asking her all the details so she gets some she gets off the bus she's waiting for the bus stuff to take her back from direction she came from she can't find the bus back so she starts walking in the direction where the bus came from where she came from she walks and she sees that there is a settlement a settlement she walks into the settlement and immediately she realizes that she must be in Eastern Jerusalem because first of all the way that house is where they were shuttered up there were no streetlights I mean and and there were posters plastered on the walls from different you know Palestinian heroes that gave up their lives killing Jews and she does she can't read Arabic by the way now when I spoke there she learned Arabic so just in case she ever gets involved in such a situation like that again but she reads you know she sees the pictures of different of the different Palestinians and she realizes she's in trouble she takes out her phone and her phone is out of battery her phone died so there she is stranded alone in eastern Jerusalem nobody's on the street she doesn't know where to go she doesn't know what to do and of course what is it you'd do in a situation like this she la mala the sonar alarum iine of oil is really she started saying to Elam and she's mumbling chapters of tehilim and she's really really nervous and she says look I got a [ __ ] stylist I gotta get out of here so what's she gonna do so she decides she's gonna look for the house that that doesn't look so Arabic it looks nice on the outside light comes out of it the grass and the front is taken care of so she sees a house and she decides to knock on the door she'll take the risk there are no Palestinian posters hanging on the walls of the house she knocks at the door and in her mind she tells herself that she's going to present herself as this social justice pro-palestinian California and UCLA student that's trying to write up a essay on the Palestinians and she's working for their cause so she can save her life but she knocks on the door and she ready in her mind she already knows what she's gonna say she's only gonna speak English pretend not to know any Hebrew and this woman must have a 19 year old Palestinian girl opens the door she opens the door she's wearing a hijab and she's wearing she must you know she's wearing all the shimmering of the garden look at the Arabs and she looks at her and she says kana and Hannes caught off guard because Hana says I'm supposed to be this social justice you know pro-palestinian girl from UCLA in Los Angeles like so this girl Miss Palestine Eagle slips her in gives her a gigantic hug and pulls out a card from off the shelf that kana had written to her six months earlier and she says in Hebrew Arabic Hebrew she says kana Ashlee that got this so I still have your card and this girl is so excited to see her and kind of suddenly realizes who this is and she remembered that six months earlier she was actually running a program for Asia in Israel and she was staying at the King Solomon with a group of girls and she was there for three weeks and she decided six months earlier that she's going to keep a notepad and every person she meets any staff member the receptionist the waitresses the cooks the the bellboy whatever anybody in the hotel shall read shall write down their names their shifts their interests and she'll make it a point to really connect with every single person so she told me she had around a list of 50 names in that notepad 50 names and she knew Mohamed Mohamud it doesn't matter every every Arab name is really didn't matter to her everybody and she said to me the last day when the trip they were about to check out of the hotel they had this last breakfast and by breakfast she noticed that there was one staff member she must have been knew this Palestinian girl she's standing at the coffee station handing out coffee pouring coffee to every single person and she says well I haven't seen you what's your name and she introduced herself and they started choosing and this Palestinian girl said I want to go to medical school I want to become a doctor but I you know I need a job I have to save up some money so I'm here and have a lot of family members here they got me this job in the King Solomon hotel and she wrote down her name as soon as she went back to the table and before she left she made sure to write thank you cards to every single person she didn't have money to give tips and the last thank-you card she gave to this girl who she had just met by the coffee station and now she's face to face with this girl in Eastern Jerusalem and the girl remembered her and she said kana and she takes out the card off the shelf and she says I still have your thank-you card now she's so excited to see how the she thinks that Connor came to visit her because she sat there before and she said you know come visit so she pulls Kahn into the kitchen with all the Arabs they're breaking their Ramadan fast and a lot of her family members were staff at the King Solomon everybody recognizes her ha so nice to see you and she plays along and 15 minutes later she can't wait to get out she says um you know it's so great that it's so nice to see everybody and she says is there a bus back you know can I take a bus back and they looked at her they said no there's no best but you can't take a bus back there's no buses right now but the uncle said I'll Drive you I'll Drive you back to the bus stop by shimon hatzadik and you could take the you know the train over there though light rail to um you know to wherever you have to go and she said no problem so she gets into the car with this Palestine the 19 year old Palestinian girl with her uncle and they they come to the security checkpoint and the hi al looks into the car and he sees like a Jewish girl with two Palestinians and he says uh how calm I said that she said yeah these are my friends you know and they dropped her off and the next day she went to again to the King Salman they worked at the King Salman and she thanked them profusely but when I shared the story with people I asked them you know what are you more impressed with are you more impressed with a chuckle practise or are you more impressed with a girl that's stay present and wrote down everybody's name their jobs their interests and tried to connect in a genuine and real way with every person she met and to me personally I know that I Shem is great I know I shall runs the world Hashem is of course yeah that's to me that's yeah that's a miracle but it's not half as impressive as a human being taking the time staying present staying in the moment trying to connect with a single person because we have to understand that if we want to develop deep and meaningful relationships we have to be people that understand that I'm mocking my strata I'm a doll of anybody who comes into your consciousness anybody comes into your life it doesn't matter if it's a for a fleeting moment if it's forever just stay present that's the only way you can develop a relationship to begin with we live in such a fast-paced world it's unbelievable but just stay present there's so many people who are vying and desperate for attention just give them just give them the few minutes you have in a real and genuine way I don't know that much time left I want I want to talk about one more idea and to me this is this is a big one the idea I want to talk about is also authenticity my name is Eileen and I'm named after the satmar rebbe reb Baelish and there's a very famous story with a satmar rebbe and I couldn't verify this I tried to call satiric I see them my uncle's my grand a lot of people before I came here because I wanted to verify is this story true I couldn't verify it but the message nevertheless is true the satmar rebbe reb your wish was once in a portage porter was coming up and every Purim it used to be a pudding roof you know but I see them they have somebody who takes the position of the rebel for the day and pretends to be the rebel and this fellow he imitated and copied the rebus turbulences voice everything that he did perfectly and rebuilding she's to cry when he governed and I and this guy he imitated abolished and all of us even were having a good time and somebody noticed the rebel was crying so this Peter knew he was very very uh he felt very bad and he thought the rebel might have been offended but what he did say he walks over to the Debbie says Reba I'm so sorry I was just kidding and the bailiff said to him I'm not crying because I'm offended I'm crying because when I watch you and I see how perfectly you can imitate me I think to myself I hope that every day as I Dobbin I'm not imitating myself from yesterday today I hope that I'll both entik in my Yiddish Skype I hope that I'm being real because we could become conditioned there's a fellow um you might know him rabbi learner Rebbe Itzhak Lerner a basic learning used to teach an H for many many years he called me last week I asked I called him first I asked to call me back he told me the most incredible story about authenticity and we could all take this home put it in your put it in your pocket and remember this story it's worth remembering he said to me that he wrote is safer called schmira Segovia nephesh it's an amazing safer about all the schoolís and kazow what a person can do to stay healthy to lead a healthy life in the shmatte time I didn't actually save him so he rode the safer and he had a Shiloh he had a Schuyler kid we follow the medical advice of Casale if you look at the Gemara esmad russian it's filled with medical advice that has all give us see what did not could we fellow today in 2018 the advice the medical advice cuz I'll get gave us 1500 2000 years ago so he sent a letter to Roma's ailment or ba the paisa kadar if [ __ ] zalman told him wrote him in a letter he said the truth is that there are we showing him revenue of rumba no Rambam and there's a few again who say that gazelle when they wrote the medical advice in Gomorrah and mad Russian they wrote the advice based on their scientific knowledge of the day so because science has evolved so he said that um you know you can't really follow the advice of Cazale you don't have to listen to them on on medical advice in science but if [ __ ] zalman says the aina occur we don't passing like those who shine him I have to tell you there were shining other were senemo argue but I don't remember who they are just let me sum says I don't remember so if I learn to set them he said he was uh he's going to publish this letter and is safer that he was publishing seifish Mirza go find a fish and he was talking to some of his friends in the kyln and they said to him they said you can't publish this letter they said why not said because you're gonna say that Roma's Elmen doesn't remember how does that look on of [ __ ] zalman the girdle Hadar doesn't remember which we shine them say that you have to follow the medical investor you could follow at least so Robillard has said you know what why don't I go a script lemmas Amin himself I'll ask him C goes to shower test said he travels and he goes up and he knocks Romans Alma's door someone opens since then he says look I have this letter from you she was on by the way he wrote the letter back on the other side of the page rabbi Lerner faxed me the letter forgot the Braille to show it to it's unbelievable as long as ailment south and how he wrote I don't remember Lezama told him he says not only can you publish my letter but you should publish my letter sir every learner said are you sure that's not gonna look bad he said what he said people come to me all the time they think I know everything at least I can publicize that I don't know everything and sometimes there are other people who are studying the Sylvia learning Sookie they know more than me and not only that he says I don't know who the rishonim are if you publish this letter and you're safer it could be that somebody's gonna see their slow Mazama nor about he said [ __ ] zalman doesn't know and I'll send you a letter who we showing them our then you'll tell me then I'll know so ever learn to publish the letter in the safer and sure enough two weeks later somebody sent him a letter and told him it's the reverse and showed him where it was and he came through if slim is amun-re buck and he told him it's the Rivage and he said to me you should have seen his face he was so excited to find out the truth who cares about image authenticity we're trying to project an image to the world oh I know everything I'm perfect now were you man it's okay not to know it's okay to have weaknesses look at that faults it's really okay be a pentek nobody has it perfect I always like saying that life stands on four legs solemn bias health pernessa and children like a table and if somebody tells you that all four legs in their lives are sturdy and strong you know they're lying no such thing so even though on Facebook and I know what we might want to project the perfect image I tell my members of my show I hope this is my broke up to them I hope your life is as good as it appears to be on your Facebook page say oh man it's not it's okay to be authentic it's ok not to be perfect and by the way if you project the perfect image people don't feel attached to you they don't feel like I can connect to you if we want to develop real meaningful relationships be authentic I think there was a woman by the name of brawny we're she was a palliative nurse she worked in a palliative care basically people who were diagnosed with terminal illnesses and were sent home to die the doctors gave up hope so she would be with them and she wouldn't take care of them until they passed on it she did this for around 30 years at the end of her career she published a book and the book was called the top five regrets of the dying and the number one regret the number one regret of all dying people and it's a very morbid statement here but forgive me the number one regret was I wish I had the courage to live the life that I knew I can live and not what others expected of me authenticity means letting go of the image of the person other people expect you to be and learning to embrace yourself with all of the failures all of your weaknesses and just be human be real it's all it takes so I'll leave you with a nice Vaart Kamara tells us their mission Bingham leo he said that Kolya my my all my wife I was Muhammad my father and he said I think I did a pretty good job and keep it off he said he said but there was one person who really outdid me his name is a seven Russia why did he do me so he said the reason why you outdid me is because when a suppose Muhammad his father he always wore fancy clothing big day malice but I didn't so really he outdid me read Mishima my gamma leo says Kolya my I worked so hard and keep it off but I didn't reach the pinnacle ace of a Russia surpassed me why cuz he wore big Damascus so the hey lagina called issues the Rebbe of the Rebbe of the catskil right we're talkin authenticity being real paradigm of that was the quintessential real person was the Emmis ticket person was the cut scare right no Baba my sis now the Unicode this was the Rebbe of the rabid Akatsuki he asks so what's the problem let driven Shimon Megan will put on fancy clothing what's the big deal let him wear fancy clothing if you're jealous of ASA for wearing fancy clothing when he was Mohammed his bothers to put in fancy clothing that means I have to stop so he said the following idea very very powerful idea he said the idea of clothing what a clothing do they cover you up they help you project a certain image ace of when he was serving his father he covered himself up he wasn't authentic he projected an image of perfection he asked his father questions how do you my sir salt presented himself as a much bigger Sadiq than he was why he wanted to be macabre his father he didn't want to cause his father pain sir Mishima camel said yes in the short term yes it's keep it off but what are you sacrificing your real relationship with your father you're not authentic so shouldn't you listen I couldn't do that I couldn't wear a fancy clothing I couldn't project a perfect image to the people in my life because why that'll sacrifice my authenticity I won't be real and if I'm not real I won't be able to cultivate and develop the relationship and what I couldn't do what it could be such a powerful statement as we walk around and we connect to try to connect with other people let's try to stay real let's try to be real and authentic and say to them look I'm not perfect and that will lead to a real connection because then you can grow together with them you know when we do cure if we sometimes think that we have to have all the answers or acts after all practicing it so we have to be perfect we have to be real not about they respect you more when you tell them you don't know I don't know either let's find out be real be authentic and stay in the moment the basra show movies etiquette to connect with people in a real and meaningful way and we set the base mischief that came to momentum you know our main thank you [Applause]