Rabbi Yitzchak Breitowitz: Eliezer of Damascus and finding Yitzchak a wife

[Music] everybody's actually tonight I'm going to speak a little bit about relationships as well and it's really connected to the parsha and the haftorah faux pas aura and you know one of the interesting features of the narrative of Lea's are finding a wife for you Sparky is the extraordinary amount of repetition that appears from the narrative all of us are raised with the idea that the Torah is extremely economical in the choice of words principles that could be conveyed in a sentence are not going to be conveyed in a paragraph and there are many many hollow hosts that we derived from a single letter the Torah is not going to bother to give you a word if it can communicate it through a letter and yet in the story of yet Scots are getting a wife and of course yes cook himself is totally passive in the process he is not allowed to leave Eretz Israel he simply waits as somebody chooses a wife for him and that is number one we have a conversation that operon has with Eliezer and then Eliezer devises a test and then when all the other meets the family of the young lady that is rifka Eliezer recounts the whole story over and over and over again when in fact the Torah could have simply said Eliezer told basu L and then log on everything that transpired call a share a Corral why do you have to go through all of the details so the Gemara does have a comment in this the Gemara says that llaves cee-trust son shall have the of us the Osher meets a residential button that means God cherishes God loves even the casual conversation of even the slaves of the patriarchs more than all of the Torah that's given to the children because the Torah is conveyed in a very abbreviated way but when it comes to recounting the stories of the patriarchs and even the slaves of the patriarchs the Torah is my return so the Gomorrah seems to simply say without getting into specifics that repetition might be a sign of affection it might a sign of love that you kind of tell just as a parents might tell the same funny story about there's a child or grandchild you know many many times because it's something that they get a great deal of pleasure from but that's an important point to keep in mind and this is a cloud at all in all repetitions that you have to pay very careful attention that repetitions are never identical there are always differences in the way the story happened and the way the story is repeated and reiterated and often the main point is to see the significance of the discrepancies the additions the deletions the changes of language the changes of nuance and that conveys very very powerful lessons in fact one of the characteristics of what's called the modern study of Tanakh in places like Hertzog you know and the like is using what it called literary analysis of tonight now that sounds fancy and they gloss it up with all sorts of academic terms but in fact that's exactly what kazow have always done that's what them a forum do they focus on differences in language in nuances and why certain terms are used here and not here and many many lessons are derived that way the Abbar banal the great commentary they are banal lists no fewer than 50 differences between the story as have happened and the story as it was recounted some of them are really almost microscopic differences and we don't really have some global explanation I'm not going to mention all 50 I don't I couldn't remember all 50 but I'm going to mention maybe four or five and see what those lessons teach us by the way just as an aside you know the Abbar bernal i was a great great biblical commentator he was also the finance minister for Ferdinand and Isabella at the time of the expulsion of the Jews from Spain in 1492 in fact he was the one who fundamentally raised the financing of Columbus coming going to the so-called New World and because his financial acumen was so valued Ferdinand was willing to give him an exemption he in Spain as a practice in jail the only one that was given that dispensation he of course refused to do so and on that day in 1492 and the last remnant of the Jews left Spain with his clerk a barber now as the head of the community was in the front of the line and towards the end of the line there was a four year old travelling with his mother that four year old was reveal save Karim later to be the author of the Shannara music Clara was one of the people that were expelled from Spain as a as a child either's recorded just as an aside that again some of this history is very murky because the standard conventional wisdom is that the Jews left Spain on tissue but it's not entirely clear that that is historically verifiable but the tradition among the Jews that was preserved was if they did leave on tissue buff because the problem is they left different days of it but there was a group that left that each above and they were given a shock that they were allowed and they were even commanded to play musical instruments as they were leaving on see shahboz part of it was because their spirits were so broken that they needed this cheering up and part of it was even a deeper reason that they Jews should not mourn getting kicked out of godless meaning mean we were so sad because he had lived in Spain for hundreds of years and there was a golden age of Spain both in terms of economic prosperity and in terms of philosophy and in terms of poetry and literature but they jus should never feel that any place in the gullet is their true home and therefore it's a kind of show that we're not crying because we're leaving Spain they actually played music that yeah idea and of course once again to go back to the tragic events in Pittsburg that is also a bit of a reminder that we really can regard the goats as our as our home the barber now has an unusual interpretive style in all of his biblical commentaries he preface 'as many many many questions he'll take a whole parsha you know and we'll ask maybe 50 questions and then offer explanations that answer all of the questions so they have a famous joke about that that a person became a not the chorus I reading the barber Nell because he sat down in his easy-chair after children's shop this afternoon and he reads 50 questions contradictions and consistencies in the Torah and he falls asleep before he can read the answers he says so many so many caches on the Torah so many contradictions it can't possibly be true a special there's a certain danger in having too many questions before you present some type of answer to those questions but that's what's his Mohammed again I propose nothing in particular I want to mention that one of the unique features of the burnell's political philosophy is he is almost the only one of the Jewish medieval authorities who espouses democracy Republican type democracy as superior to monarchy because the practice the biblical model of Jewish governance is a monarchy and in fact it seems to be in the book of the border that appointing a king is a mitzvah and the commentaries all deal with the Shamal incidents of I wish you all upset and they give different answers they asked for the wrong motivation etc but the common denominator of cannot both gazelle and they be shown him the commentators is that Jewish monarchy is an ideal the Abbar banal is the only one who actually says monarchy was an allowable option but it was never a desirable state and he talks about again he speaks from his own personal experience he talks about his experience as a servant at the pleasure of the monarchy and he talks about abuse of authority and the concentration of power and he expresses his admiration for the city-states of Italy Genoa Venice and which had rotating term limits representative elected representatives who could only serve for limited terms it's a very unusual discussion in nature were safer and he says that way the abuse of power is greatly minimized because those who are in positions of authority for the next few years are not going to be in those positions of authority a few years after that and therefore they will be naturally careful in terms of the abuses they perpetuate on people because as we say what goes around comes around etc and therefore the Abravanel said that some type of elected government with term limits for Representatives would be an ideal type of government I believe it's come out the only statements in Jewish rabbinic literature at least medieval Jewish rabbinic literature that espouses a kind of a democratic political political philosophy does he connect this to her source no he kind of says it on his own well yes source he connects it to is this is how we understand small in other words the novice royal when the Jewish people ask for a mana is very critical now all the commentaries who start with a pro monarchy bias have a lot of problems interpreting that chapter he says the chapter says exactly what it it means exactly what it says kings are abusers of power and it does not make sense to put all your power in a monarch that cannot be removed so his source is really his own interpretation but suppose that we have an alternative I don't be small had no alternative his sons couldn't do it was gonna have what would happen well that's interesting the question was was Schmoll advocating kind of anarchy in the sense of who needs central governments each person under his fig tree and under his vine right and let that work and she will is basically saying if you had true morality you would not need some authoritarian figure ruling ruling over you [Music] yes so he says what she heard everything he says of course I keep the Hebrew keep in mind Leah brother Noah was one of the most prolific writers on my ship he certainly wrote about my ship very very extensively he basically said well you know that's you know God's particular choice God is directly choosing etc but when human beings gathered together and and choose somebody or have somebody rule over them by conquest by definition that is not gonna be that's not gonna work out and the barber now drew extensively on his personal experience so he actually details all of the different things that the Jewish people have suffered okay because his his children were living in Italy and he spent in fact he wrote many of his commentaries in Naples although he was Spain but the latter part of it the last decade and a half of his life he was yes there are no very hard-to-find monarchy in which the my mean obviously says something something like like you know the British monarchy you know it says you know pretty Britain is a democratic republican government which happens to have a figurehead a head of state but that that's not what the Burman always thought when he was talking about monarchs who exercised extreme power okay but going back to the main topic I'm going to just mention some of the discrepancies they represent notes and that is number one the the narrative starts off with Eliezer having a conversation with Avraham and Nava Rama instructs him his faithful servants do not take a wife for my son from the daughters of cannot wear weed well they're not good they're not proper go l art see the Omo La Petite now these words are very important go to my lands and to my place of birth which means in terms of explicit mission Algrim did not actually say go to my family maybe that might be understood but he simply emphasized a geographical location go to a certain place correct now when they'll be yessir is recounting that story that conversation to loved one he makes a subtle change my master opera told me to go l base avi to my father's home ooh mich party and to my family so difference number one is the actual conversation at least in the literal sense was focused on geography Eliezer switched it to family that's your number one issue number number two is that's the other devises a test when he finally gets the correct he devises a test and this test is not in the nature of superstition he didn't say for example the first woman I see wearing a red dress is the right wife rather this is a test of character this is a perfectly logical test and that is I am testing to see if the woman will demonstrate the attribute of kindness I'll explain a little later why he chose that but that's what he's looking for he's looking for a good heart he's looking for compassion he's looking for kindness and the test he devised was this I will ask a woman as she's drawing water to give me water and the woman that says I will give you and your camels meaning I didn't even though I didn't ask but you'll do more than I asked that is the right person right so the test was I will ask may I have water she will respond I will give it to you and your camels now he then sees Rifton and he asks and rifka did not do quite exactly what he said but she did better rifki gave him the water to drink and only after he finished did rifki then go and draw again so she didn't do it exactly the way he set it up but she did it in a better way and the reason her way is superior than before him says the following number one if rifka would have said here's the water you and your animals can drink number one that mode of expression is a bit insulting it kind of implies you and the dogs are the same moreover it puts a restriction on how much all the other can drink because she's basically saying this is it I'm not going back so the implication would be yeah he better not drink as much as he wants this way she actually waited until he had drunk his entire fell and then she went back so was it a one-to-one correspondence no but it was better so obviously she would pass the test interestingly enough when he recounts it to love him he makes it more exact than it actually was he actually says I said the woman that says I will give you and your camels that's the right woman and that's exactly what she said meaning he eliminates what you might call the extra credit aspect of it and he makes it exactly the same when it was not exactly the same that is discrepancy no Matilda discrepancy number three as soon as rifka passes the test of kindness Eliezer immediately gives her the jewelry immediately after he gives her the jewelry he then says oh by the way who is your father when he tells what one the story he says she passed the test and then I said who was your father and only when she answered that I then gave her the Trulie now Rashi explains that Eliezer changed the actual sequence because he wanted to have a sensible story because if he would have said I gave her the jewelry after she passed the test without knowing who she was they would have said how did you know she was our family so well the answer wanted to make this logical and coherent and he changed it but the question is if that is logical and coherent and white didn t behave in a logical and coherent way another discrepancy Rashi brings a tradition from Chris Alex are these all be Oh Barbra no subscriptions usage oh yeah yeah I don't remember but but the answer I'm gonna give you is not see a brother knows answer but but if you're ninjas he notes that yeah yeah Rashi brings a mossad of cos all that early Esther himself had a daughter that he wanted he very much wanted it's got to marry after all Eliezer is the faithful servant and disciple of a brown and Dharam did not take him up on that offer and the wait resolves arriving is because Eliezer asks our problem what if the woman doesn't want to go shall I bring your son there and Abhiram says hospice Shalom you cannot bring my son there if she was uses to come then you are absolved of your oath but do not take him there now the way the question begins is that with the word lie lie low so aver how each of the lessons perhaps the woman won't want to go now the rule is written without above Sarah lie without above can be read a line when you don't have vowels a lie to me to me so that's the rebus now here is the problem the Abravanel points out the double entendre of the a lie and the you lie only appears in Eliezer recounting the story at eleven hmm we know the answer is accurately talking to our from it says Allah is with the world there is no alternative construction to me now why should that be so if Eliezer is actually bringing that up in the conversation the double entendre should have been in the initial conversation another discrepancy I know it's hard to keep track of these all but I'll be back well well that doesn't interesting that that isn't that is an interesting question meaning to say how do you how was this commute meaning how did I mean the assumption is the user is communicating to love on that he had a daughter than Avram turned down the question is obviously he didn't communicate it in the way that it's communicated to us because to us it's communicated via via a spelling an alternative spelling of a word but the assumption is the tourists using that vehicle to indicate the contents of an actual conversation whose words are not exactly recorded that is a good point and that is yet another difference is that in that same colloquy in that same discussion when Allie Esther says - Avram initially what if she doesn't want to go she might take your son there I'm from says Hospice Shalom Llosa shave it's beneath don't in the conversation with love on when he says the a line he says and I asked my master what if she doesn't want to go so Eliezer says well what master says is God willing everything will work out that that strong negativity do not take my son there doesn't appear a lot of discrepancies again as I go to an answer I'll review each one to show how there might be a single answer for all of these questions another point is not a discrepancy but it's an interesting phenomenon I think I mentioned more than once and the family voices observation that there are some each Russian that we are so used to or that it literally becomes part of the text for us and when we read the Flemish we are we assume it's in there when it actually is not there at all it's a metric of Casale but it's not in the text itself the example she gave was around being thrown into the furnace people just assume it's in the Amish and it's not in the Flemish and she used to tell the story that she was once lecturing to a higher limb because a lot of her early teaching were to soldiers in the in the army and she mentioned this point that there you know everyone thinks I've brown being thrown into the furnace it's in the klemish when really it isn't so there was a gruff army general that was not a religious man but he had learned from his just a child and he says what do you mean not in the Flemish I remember I learned Flemish and Keith Olive know many years ago before there was the State of Israel even and of course it's in the format that white shirts epical match so she gave him a homage and she said ok fine find me where the story isn't and you know obviously Hebrew was his language the language wasn't the problem so he's leafing through it leafing through it leaving through it he can't find it he finally tells her give me a whole collage don't give me them that regiment stature news today everybody uses abridgements Keats the rim okay so I'll give you another example that's interesting everybody knows in the story of Porter that when Revathi refused to come before Alice Faye wrote her a row she had her executed and then he regretted it very much but the truth of the matter is if you read McGillis Esther it does not say she was executed it says a share low so vovochka with may novellas rusty will no longer be allowed to come before the king so the truth of the matter is because I'll have an interpretation that Vashti was killed but the evidence says shoot Oh show me crash indicates not and we're so sure because this is the poram story we have been told ever since we were children that Queen Vashti was was killed when in fact the McGillis Esther does not explicitly make that point so similarly why am i bringing this up I kept on saying over and over again Eliezer Elia yes now we do know Avram had a servant Eliezer that is mentioned in other party else but Eliezer was not his only servants and in precious Kyocera when it mentions that Avram sent his servants to find a wife when it's not eleazar's name is not mentioned at all not a single time and you have absolutely no textual proof it just takes you can't be so and that phrase was used it doesn't say yes that's no no I understand that all the other is mentioned in my club but he's not mentioned there why isn't this name mentioned significance okay so these are a whole bunch of questions that arise from the repetitions and the omissions and the like so here I want to start with a fundamental question that's the run Rubino Nissim raises in the treasures and that is what exactly is the problem with Eliezer after all the other is a righteous person according to rabbinic understanding at least he's not just a from servant he is also a firm's disciple these are installment he's absorbed over many many years the ways of our from the facet of our out of the goodness of Avram so and yet what is offerings on family their idol worshippers their pagans their people in many ways of bad moral character so why would a VRAM prefer that means I'm a racist among my family or no matter what why would I prefer either his family or his city we'll come back to that / le s so the run says an interesting argument again there are questions I what he says he says that is true that our brahms family in Carmen were idol worshippers and pagans but the one media they knew they had naturally was kindness and compassion the Canaanites were but ever whatever I'm sorry they were cruel now we can assume Eleazar himself conquered that natural emotion but if botella there's a certain cruelty it can always emerge in later generations it's almost like a genetic predisposition to callousness and the lack of concern so says the RAM when somebody is not religious or somebody's an idolatry that's a philosophical error that's an error in not understanding true beliefs that can be corrected by education environment and exposure but let their access from note in me don't evolve although we re obviously believe you can change bad meat otherwise Trueba would be possible but it's an extremely difficult process every salsa watcher in the 19th century famously said it is more difficult I'm sorry it is easier to learn through the entire shots than to change a single negative meaning so consequently I'm from Avinu preferred to take a woman from an idolatrous home for whom he assumed would have the Madaba acid and kindness than to take even the most righteous person where that means I was a little bit a little bit shaking now that's a very important consideration in terms of what our own children should be looking for in shizuka often we look for things like a skirt length or other whatever other various types of from indications but we don't spend enough focus kindness and a good heart the experience and feeling the pain of others and wanting to help others I remember seeing a poram plane in Baltimore was a bit of a perineum the sugar process where the rabbi was speaking on the phone recommending a cousin so the rabbi said the class on is a good learner and he finished you know finished shots and best guy in this year but sky in Lakewood you know he's gonna be Russia Sheba someday then he gets a question you know from the person what about his meet us so the rabbi looks very confused this is a foreign plane and he says me DOS he does you know I don't believe I've ever been asked that he really don't know I'm gonna have to get back to you and that's kind of the the hierarchy in which things are no need to make a joke when people would say my confession may be said when people would say about a woman she has a good personality that was said to be a bit of a sign that she was physically attractive what everything needs to be a joke if he used to say years ago so similarly when they say on a boy he has good me toes that's a sign he's and I'm or it's you know it's almost a shameful thing you know they have good good meet us and the like and yet the rat is saying that's the most important thing because everything else you can correct everything else you can work on okay so based on this idea this he is sewed of the rod the rod is not going on all these differences but this concept of the run can be used as enough hair to explain many things a key number one it explains how did earlier know to devise that particular test he comes to Clara he's told to find a wife and he invents some tests well who says that's what our firm is looking for him according to the Ron it's no Katya that's exactly what everyone was looking for because that's why our firm sent him to Karen because of the media of kindness so Eliezer is simply devising the tests based on the criterion the nitramene who is looking for okay but now let's go through the discrepancies now we mention them again to show how with the answers first discrepancy I may not remember the order but first discrepancy was that Avram said go to art see a mole of the team go to my place of birth and only other changed it to family it could be that according to the rod Ephraim was not even concerned with family at all Avram just said the people of Horan are kind and compassionate people so - was indifferent to whether it was his family or not Avram focused on geography now because Avram focused on geography that is why Eliezer could give the jewelry without knowing who her family was because it was irrelevant who were family was but here is the thing Eliezer changed it from geography the family why did he change it from January to family because Eliezer has to be a Salesman here Eliezer has to persuade a family that they should send their very young daughter according to Cassell she was three when two other view she was 14 but she was a young girl send her a thousand miles away and give her away in marriage so as a result Eliezer has to show that the great Ephraim who was famous and wealthy and influential specifically sent me to you he wants to be connected to you it wouldn't be enough to say he told me I should find some woman in this city if you want to butter up the most lieutenant they laugh to indicate that the great operon was looking for you as a result Eliezer changed the terms of his mission from geography to family but then why attest no noelia Eliezer had to do that others do the test cuz Eliezer was looking for character now why didn't he just go to the family men why didn't he just go to the family if that's what he believed no no no what I'm saying is what Ephraim and Eliezer are really looking for our character okay that's all family doesn't make a difference he found the right girl because of his test he knows she's the right girl he now has to convince the family to release her but to convince the family to release her he has to say that I was sent a thousand miles by the famous opera to get you specifically so he has to say I was sent to a particular family to the matter he was not seems like he was not sent to a particular family but he has to say that he was sent because that's the only way they'll be why didn't love one's States and why did you do it test oh well well not necessarily because this was a situation of taking a woman out of an idolatrous environment to bring her to kedusha so for that you are that's why in a normal of situation that would not be that would not be appropriate you're asking a good question I'll get to them now as all lawyers know and all of us has learned as children once you change part of your story you've got to be sure to change all the parts of the stories so it's consistent meaning the following Eliezer could give her the jewelry without knowing who she was because eleazar's initial mission family was irrelevant but once she changed the story to focus on family he had to change the story that I first asked her who she was and then I gave her the jewelry because otherwise it would have been the illogical so he he smartly intelligently changed that story now what's the role of the test so this is interesting from a user's perspective the test was a character test we dose and the fact that she didn't pass the exactly but she passed the test beyond the parameters of the test is only a plus but with Loveland he's presenting the test in a different way Loveland was a pagan loveth believed in superstition Loveland believed in omens loved and believed in science so Eliezer is not presenting the test 11 as a test of vetoes he's presenting the test 11 as the gods have agreed to this because exactly what I proposed came to pass now an omen is an omen only if it's accept so from a user's perspective remember the fact that on the other said the woman that says to me I will give you and your camels is the right woman and the fact that she didn't do it that way she first gave him and then went back that's only a plus in terms of character but in terms of an almond love one could say well you know this is not exact I don't know if the gods have agreed therefore he had to switch the test from me toads to omen and that's part of the convincing and therefore he does that now the final issue discrepancy was that in his initial conversation with opera when he asked the Opera Don what if the woman doesn't want to go shall I take your son there so algorithm says cross fish alone do not take my son there well if you're trying to flatter them with Catania you don't want to bring up the idea that my master said under no circumstances will his son ever set foot in your house the rest of his life so we have to finesse it by by kind of sign and he said things will work out now the you lie in the a mine the double entendre was only communicated in the conversation with love them here is the point that I want to add this I didn't see anywhere but I think it's it's a powerful point that is you have to know then I promise failure to consider all the others daughter must have been a very painful and humiliating experience really is he was a faithful person without him all of these many many years and I've read rejection it was something deeply embarrassing but Eliezer is willing to reveal that information to loved one because once again its maximizes the probability in other words it's part of the flattery that even me it was our own the closest affiliate I was rejected in favor of you so what's going on here is Eliezer is willing to reveal something that is deeply embarrassing and painful in his own personal life to maximize the success of his mission and the fact that the double entendre does not appear in his conversation with a problem is because when he's talking to a friend he didn't in other words it's not an actual thing he ever asked is what's his thought it was his desire but what he's talking to our army does not even communicate that at all and the final point is I had mentioned eleazar's name is not mentioned at all and here the marshal says because he was so faithful to his mission to his master that he obliterated a personality he did not allow his personal agenda and his personal desires to affect his judgment at all he was nothing more than the anonymous extension of eyebrow and he behaved in that way now this is an extraordinary thing because keep in mind Elliot first of all the fact that opera I'm trusted early as you do this this is a momentous mission I mean every sugar is very very important but this is a sugar that determines the future of the Jewish people and all of God's promises to opera that people even ask the question why did not if the it's cut could not leave the Land of Israel for whatever reason why didn't harm himself do this you know the fact that he trusted on the answer to make this decision shows the amount of trust that he had in the reliability of the seven and they'll the other at every reason to sabotage the mission because after all if he is released from his own he is next and money more or less at that point can you make woman would have to be taken and he's the most logical his daughter is the most logical one but keep in mind not only did he not sabotage the mission but he went out of his way to change things on his own to maximize success meaning he could have done exactly he could have recounted to Loven exactly what after up said and he would have been faithful on he would have done his duty but instead he went beyond the call of duty to increase the probability of success that's a tremendous tremendous desirous nebbishy on his on his part so the point is if you analyze all of these differences you see that Eliezer had a mission to look for a chess set but he had to convey it as a mission to look for family and that kind of explains the significance of those differences you know the term RushCard ol Roche Godot yeah I well I could guess what it is but I haven't read it as an expression yes so it's C it's a very important Israeli expression yes and it's the it's someone who thinks out of the box rises to the challenge yes it's not a package who signs in at 9:00 and leaves at 5:00 and stays later he brings everybody he brings them to the team right and Israelis value a rosca door and the opposite is a rosca ton okay so in the Army they train you to be a rosca tongue because they don't want you going out there and devising your own strategies but then they watch us to see how you perform your duties as a rose katana and if you perform your duties as a rose Katan with a certain enthusiasm you want to help people you want to go above for above and beyond the call of duty then they train you to be a rosca doll Elias air is the first one that I'm listening to realize he is really a rosca doll yeah because he doesn't do like what you said and just does his job right you know relating the thing he really wants to make the whole thing work so he has to go this way and he has to go down that way it'll also take his personal life out of it take it out take it out and it knows what LaVon is looking for and he knows what gets needs it's important to and heroes were Abhiram needs and that's what makes him into a grant that's a very good point and I remember years ago seeing I think there's a toy one of the twilights out show us the old early Iran Threat sterling and it was about a society that that was practicing you know euthanasia killing children and we're not considered to be out of the park and the kind and everyone thought that meant if you weren't you know when you were 13 or something you got tested for intelligence and creativity and if you were found wanting you were taken away and it's about story about this kid and he was studying for that test and his and the kid was very bright - the parents were very hot mystic but the kid was with he was killed his wife was terminated and the reason is they weren't killing the kids who were not bright they were killing the kids who were too creative they did they wanted they wanted conformist and they didn't that went back to the whole story still that offense that you were too smart for your own good if you thought outside the box you were in you were in trouble so unfortunately a lot of societies I mean maybe not such a drastic away but obviously this was a metaphor for the fact that we live in a world where thinking outside the box is sometimes seen as a negative and destructive quality but it's in the way you described in the Army is an interesting thing because it kind of gives you the best the rosca dough gets the best of both worlds because the downside of the Roche kadal is that they they have difficulty working within a system and they have difficulty kind of learning from others and therefore it's interesting that before you can be the rosca dog you also have to go through a period of thinking a motion motion curtain at the same time it actually reminds me of an exact statement renkins Rebbetzin they lost their son and their yeah the terrorist terrorist attack gave the children yeah so the story goes that his grandfather was the great great that God on of America of Yosef and Johansson so jr. recalls asking these grandfather how do you become an adult Goodall and the grandfather answered you first have to be in a double katana well that's great yeah yeah this is very very fascinating than it seems with the 19th century the great receivable logic makes a very very interesting point he points out that both Sarah and rifka had problems with one of their either kids one of their adopted kids so to speak meaning Sarah and recurring problems with Ishmael and rifki has problems with her own a sub that's kind of not behaving in a proper way and he points out that's the communication style of sorrow with Abraham is very different than the communication of rifki with Sora was kind of an equal partner with us when sorry had a problem she stayed in a position directly explicitly clearly Avram sometimes disagreed in work was often said listen to spiral like vanishingly small etc it was kind of an equality of dignity in which each person who presented their position and dealt with Rifkind he suggests was actually in awe of the attack rifki did not feel the least in their own capacity the ability to bring up issues directly sounds like a very modern thought number one there was a tremendous age difference if you go which was out that his hook was 40 that's the tory sense and rifki was only three so you have a huge age difference and even if rifka was 14 which is an alternative chronology you still have 40 verses 14 so even though obviously rifka grew older in time but there was still a sense that his luck was almost like a parent and besides that spiritually yet Scott was an otherworldly type of person it's Kirk had experienced the akkada youth cook an experience near death according to according to the ZOA do you know that it did you hear this according to either the dough or some other super Kabbalah it's what died at the akkada it's a diet and according to some views he was gone he was dead for a few years a few years there actually isn't it meaning when I'm from is that now you understand what it means when you say Sora died in the aftermath of the akkada it's not like she had a heart attack because oh this almost happened she died she died because she thought that Avram killed their son and indeed Ogron didn't kill their son miraculously Hashem made it pious amazing this is so what this already said but be it as it may even if that didn't happen yes luck experienced something that was really beyond the normal mortal experience and the fact that even explains why Ginsberg was fooled by a silicon district did not live in a world of deception and dishonesty and duplicity and therefore he was very much removed from the world as opposed to Rifkin was very familiar with cheating and and lying so as a result in its obsess rifka communicates everything by indirection of even by subterfuge but she wants you to understand by this whole dramatic act you know the true nature of things but it is a very different communication style I mean then it does suggest that's the optimal communication is to be open and clear and explicit but sometimes we have to have you know these alternatives Tory itself is Muromets to these different marital relationships but there are two bottom line points that we get from the whole story one is the overarching importance of processing and kindness and the second though is maybe a point that moves in the opposite direction the notion of balance and harmony because we know that Avram represents the divine quality of loving-kindness and yet and that has to be counterbalanced by Sora's inner strength to deal with difficult situations because they die before it gets and is said to represent the idea of introspective cavora and therefore that needed to be balanced by present meaning to say the the the old saying opposites attract has a certain validity although although not a complete validity and that is that each one needs to be strengthened in those qualities that are a bit dormant by somebody by the by a partner that has those other qualities so yet becomes a bigger bow just because a rifka rifka becomes a stronger more disciplined person because of the it's correct sorrow becomes kinder with Abraham and eyebrow become stronger because of Sarah each one incorporates the good qualities of the others of course you have to be very careful not to fall into a George Bernard Shaw strap he was once seated dinner with Isadora Duncan it was a very very famous actress and dancer and she was a bit of a flirt so she said to George Bryan Shaw you know mr. Shaw you know if we would get married together we would have such wonderful children your brains and my looks fantastic kids so Shaw who's a bit of a curmudgeon he said well that would be wonderful to be sure but if they have your brains in my looks we're gonna be we're gonna be in big trouble so what so what has to be one has to be very very careful that when people marry these different attributes you know I don't take the bad news of approach he takes my bad mean oh so now each of us grow from the other but the sperm tell us that is the meaning of a sure connect oh a helpmate to be opposite is it help mate or is it opposite so cuz I'll say they're pragmatic some marriages itself maybe some marriages opposite you know they're both in the world but the spice Emma says the true mean sign is that's the truth marriage is when each one brings a different perspective and a different way of looking at things than the other and then we grow if I have somebody who is my different gender clone if there's such a thing and thinks exactly the way I think about every conceivable issue all the time well you know you can almost say what's the point exactly how do I move where do I go how do I grow how the she grow we're just reinforcing each other's limitations over and over and over again and therefore the slice Emmett says is precisely the connect double the different way of looking at things that bring a person to a greater ease or a hope in life and in terms of growth but you do have to be careful because the opposites attract on this level has a lot of validity but if the people are too radically different I mean unfortunately I've seen in my years in our semantic marriages where a person who was very very introverted really wanted to marry you know someone who was the life of the party because that he thought it would help them but but but but in fact if the discrepancy is too too big you can create a lot of emotional so one has to balance on one hand you're looking for your friends but the difference should also have a lot of similarities at the same time otherwise you can't really tolerate say no you know it's your question we have no we have no textual evidence that that wouldn't have worked irregular it's not you know why not you know but rifki was not able to make that decision and therefore an alternative plan being had to be devised but again reverse explains that the plan B was not so much to fool it's fun but to through the temporary fooling of its run make him realize and validate what the underlying reality was a little different it wasn't so much let's get the process by deception but it's creating a morality play so that gets what would come to understand what the nature of evasive was etc and there and that is why at the end he validated his decision right that Mena because otherwise he couldn't get you know this is not a magic boat I mean Aesop shows up it's because well I'm sorry I gave it away already I mean that's kind of a magic thing you know I generate a wedding I think you know if I gave it to the wrong person I'll give it to the right person now the short answer is that yesterday is putting the pieces together and it's coming to a certain realization as to what the reality is that of which he was not fully fully aware so anyway we just want to wish you all a very good Shabbos and Bs mr. shanly all of us in our own marriages grow in this meter of kindness this meter of chassid which the rod tells us is the single most important quality that we should you know in all of our relationships [Music]