Rabbi Yirmiyahu Ullman - Orchot Tzaddikim: Generosity - Part 3

what we left off with is that a person should be like a stickler you know you know he's a no being exacting and every single thing rather you know should give them a more than exacting and take the lesser portion for himself so example that I gave was a if he's a store on her rather than you know taking back five or ten grams because it's you know so you can leave it on the tray like sometimes you see them like the gun and others have taken a 100 101 102 put out 150 so they take back more and I leave you a hundred and ten I mean it's not like i'm looking to get the 10 i'm just saying he's taking back right he could take back more and some do it'll take back and they'll leave you with less you know so it's just again if you know what I get what he's saying here is you know you should be you know err on the more generous side of things and it applies not only like I suggesting with monetary matters but in your interview but in relationship with people I might be discussion it might be an argument there might be making point some people you know they have to be exactly that you understand exactly what they mean and they have to make sure that you you know except exactly what they're what they're saying and even if you feel like you're you're you're in the right you don't necessarily sometimes you have to be exact for whatever reason but more often than not it's enough that you know person gets the gist of what you're saying or I'm saying assuming you're right it's not the person you know basically accepts what you're saying you know even if they have even if they have some reservation about one or two or three fine points you know like have to run it down their throat you have to make sure that you know they you know absolutely accept everything that you say you know unconditionally and again and admit to being wrong and every single point you're accusing up somebody wronged you somebody slided you you can express yourself and say you know I was concerned for the x y&z reasons and so and so on person said okay I can see what you mean i'm not sure but okay so some people say I thanks you know so things will be good between us you know we understand one another maybe you think all right I may be right it's not obvious to you know like these are pressing the point give the guy an opportunity to save this to save some face you know it probably agrees with you but people are people so he said look I hear what you're saying generally i agree with you i don't know if i agree on every single point but what good point what point did you agree with let's argue point by point right that's what one person was sayin otherwise okay look I'm generally right my god my point across right he does he says he doesn't agree with me out every single point he might agree with me trying to save face or even if he doesn't who's you know who's to say I'm entirely right at least I'm generally right you know and if these one or two or three points become an issue sometimes the future so we can address them you know if it ever becomes you know practically relevant cut the guy some slack you know you kind of so this is the type of thing I mean you know not just in money matters and you know in many different things right your children you give you and children your task to do and I generally do what you wanted them to do but not exactly the way you wanted it or exactly the time frame that you wanted so it's not critical then like why ram it down their throats be an oppressive tyrant to your children I have to do exactly what I say exactly let's see their children John gala break again sometimes you know it needs to be done in a better way but in those cases perhaps you shouldn't be asking your children to do it and this is an area where you need your children or expect them to do it for whatever reason so you have to take in consideration that you know like everybody I think children are also human beings I think yeah so you know you can't on every little thing on some people like they're sticklers stickers like everything's gotta be exactly you want to be like that if there's a javelina the answer should be would be yes you know who to direct it towards yourself you want to be like that do it to yourself but not tell the people right people are so demanding like I they would be as demanding of themselves as they have other people nothing goes like that is double double standard they expect everything from everybody except themselves you want to be that way you can do it again towards yourself but other people he has to be a little more liberal a little more open a little less demanding it's very port that's part of generosity VA not Eve but gufo the talk of work hard on a person should also be generous with his body to make effort on behalf of other people these below llama song to suffer their burden the responsibility that he might have to them lead star bits are awesome and to feel anguish over their anguish who this paddle bodom and to pray for them in their difficulties for the small who seems awesome and to feel joy in their times of joy which was also not always easy very easy for a person to be full of joy Wilfer on his own joyous occasions expecting everybody in the world to come to his wedding and to come to his bris and everything else but when you know it comes to be going to other peoples weddings I got something to Omega right if a person could be you know a hundredth of happy is happy in other peoples weddings as is it a zone that would be a great thing it's sometimes it's it's difficult and one should try and take upon himself the ability to have to be joyful in other people's joyous occasions levack your holy de visit the sick but as I said in a may seem and to fulfill the needs of the day terms of burial and things like this but yard selling to the eh not eased boho kumusta also all the more so a person has to be generous regarding his tour knowledge and shared that with others the limeade the hollow dom to teach every person to us Laham she has Lee Beom Nisha mine teach them the knowledge of the Torah and to draw their hearts towards heaven Mozilo Anna devos haga dola shiva call me nay ana devos this is the greatest degree of generosity among all hi mr. nadella Domna xavier la jolla lahaie ova somebody who volunteers to help bring his friend to bring someone else to the world to come meet him inspire another person with spirituality eiffel p shamita sanded evos kotova even though generosity in general of course is a very good attribute like all of the attributes which are good he points out that there is a negative positive negative manifestation as well so as I shallow a positive on a cig thomas lee boy bimini Mahad mistake he has to be careful not to be a spendthrift not to waste his money and certainly not on things which are unnecessary food and drink buying coke and cake and potato chips and all this stuff's not healthy which waste your money on it let's hone rob thicke noise and spent all types of money buying things all the time without sites but goddamn your column or buying or ordering clothing which is above average in the cost simple straightforward clothing well if Ozzy I'm a mandar women a voice shame on me vol erm I'm are spending his money in all of the types of ways which aren't going to bring him to your mind I'm going to the movies going to baseball games or football games what time football suppose depends on what country you're in but sorry fadeev halevi shallow the father of the week and a person who is generous of heart has to be careful not to waste his money that well óleo dafa heart a voice of advice call Rob and he has to be careful also not to be running after these types of things which only bring bad evil waste acha doc tech the US Virgin on IAM hatov inhibition ahi la minute mate up but he should be simultaneously generous to the poor in order to clothe them and feed them with good things could exceed it says call hello wash em all fats should be given to God meaning right when you're going to give to God in this case give to the poor who are like the needy of God then one should give them of superior quality that's interesting i've never actually heard this idea before although i've read the book before i guess i don't remember but um i would have thought it would be enough to say don't give poor people things of inferior quality rather give them the things that you yourself should have and here we're being told the things that you should acquire for yourself should be of average value nothing to outland there's nothing too extravagant but he's saying no when you're giving to the poor fulfilling the midst of stucco you should actually give them of the good the fat fatty portions which means more which implies things which are more opulent of a higher standard or grade then you would be encouraged to buy for yourself it's what he's saying here I would have thought that I would have thought the point is I don't say he's got nothing he should be thankful what I gave him even if it's only secondary quality because it's more than he's got no give him spend more money don't give him secondary given them you know or third would ever give him like like everybody else has so she shouldn't be embarrassed but why should he I don't see why should give him more by the poor person clothing which is more expensive than yourself and everybody else is encouraged to wear I don't know but that's what he seems to be saying he says la Kelin minha mae tov from the good stuff like it says called hey Liv lantian that's what it means by the good stuff is means the stuff which is good for everybody meaning the average stuff but that doesn't mean the prime I don't think that's what he means though yes karo tova softener share I know la serda Kames lost aha y hace mahakal oi God will give great reward to people who do who do this we find that the sons of Adam brought sacrifices to God right kind in heaven brought sacrifices to God and we're told that kind brought of the fruits and vegetables the produce of the land because he was like a farmer and hella brought the choices of his sheep his herds forgot and we find that God with the seeming act of favoritism accepts the sacrifice of heavy and not that of Cain right so Cain gets upset and the Shem says like what are you upset about improve your ways and I'll accept yours too what what's the problem what he should be penalized because he's a farmer and he should be worried because he's a herdsman what does that have anything to do with it he's a farmer so he brought what was valuable to him and he's a herdsman he brought was valuable to him why would God favored the one over the other God needs fats more than ears of corn he doesn't need animal fat he doesn't need that according accept this and that the other what's going on there so how's I'll note how she brings of course and polish the difference in language regarding both that regarding the sacrifices were the offering of Cain it says that he brought all the fruits of the field he brought all his produce but regarding heaven says he says he brought the choices about the choices which we see McCain looked at his produce and said I want to bring something to God uh clearly that stuff that would not be nice to bring that's all rotten that stuff that's really good i kind of want to keep that for myself though i'll give god that stuff we brought like you know the lesser quality more of an inferior quality of stuff so now I God pervert the animal offering more than the vegetable than the produce offering the point is what way did you bring it he brought the best of what he's got and he intentionally didn't bring the best of what he's got that was what was God everybody's got everybody has different some people have more some people have less the main thing is that the best of what you've got if the best of what he's got is worth X and the best of what he's got is worth X minus a lot but each one is bringing the best of what he's got so in God's eyes it doesn't matter whether it's a lot or a little it's the best of what you've got you get to give the best of what you've got so maybe that's what's wrong here through as well is it the fats meaning right the best what's appropriate what should be given what should be done that you should give them and not give inferior stuff just because he's a poor person would you wear it if you wouldn't wear it so I give it to him because he wears rags and you don't but you want him to feel like everybody else right so give him what's considered to be appropriate for everybody else don't give him second quality just because he's a poor person on the contrary that's what Kane did right Kate when Kane was giving to God he gave him of secondary importance that's my point here maybe that's how we should understand the author not that he's telling us that we should give the person better than everybody else but he should give what you're expected to give to God you should get it don't you Cain gave less and you see what happened what's wrong that would be wrong unless unless he really means you should be giving more to the poor person but I'm less inclined to think that's the case I have a story recently I mean it was actually you know i right he asked the rabbi column for the horse and acts kind of tour weekly past the rabbi somebody submitted a question not too long ago about an organization that that you know help subsidize weddings for poor people I think the question was specifically for orphans and the organization apparently spends a lot of money in making these weddings for the orphans on a standard which is higher than the average person the community has to spend apparently a lot of money I'm getting like the best band the best haul very good food the person wrote the question was questioning whether that's right because it's one thing to take care of the orphans presumably you know they're not only emotionally but financially needy and if they after an interview seemed to be deserving of the of the charity why not you know they don't have parents to help them we're going to tech for them or anything else but you know to give them weddings which are more lavish than everybody else that that seemed wrong I forgot about this question the person who submitted the first one to know whether I agree that you know whether that was correct should the organization be you know marrying off these orphans in such a lavish way which is even more than average regular piece of people in the community and I guess the second point of the question was they could probably marry off another orphan or two right with the same if they cut back on expenses it seemed to me that you know the organization must feel like you know if they are making themselves available to help orphans they're probably going to help every orphan they can they don't turn it away so the budget must be that they can help everybody on a high level without hurting anybody where obviously if the intention was to help needy orphans they would not you know I don't know the organization I have no idea but this would be rational right logical they're not going to be lavish on some to the exclusion of others so clearly their budget must be working out a way that they take everybody and they provide the students you've got to assume that so that's not that I don't think that's a question the real question is just is it right to you know give them that type of a wedding so you know I guess my answer was that that they you know they can do that whether they have torn i don't know but i guess they can do it and you know maybe it has to do with giving them such a nice wedding that in some small way that might compensate for all the suffering that they've had until that point as orphans and maybe give them a special feeling like their wedding really is a special wedding particularly a bride you know so you know if I answer that then I guess it might be applicable here as well the poor person suffers so much so if you're going to help him you can help him in a way which even more than other people and maybe that would make up in some way for the suffering and the feeling of what's the word I'm looking for the inferiority visa V the rest of the people so that now he's actually able to like look nicer than many people that might not you know that might compensate for his inferiority complex or something so maybe it would be appropriate in that case remember we regarding that story I was recalled and it called a I mean that question I recalled a story about a without going into all the details right now the story but there was a certain rabbi who was called the rabbi of orphans and he was very careful to you know higher you know very good bands at the weddings or other things which would make it a very special very special wedding and you had a point of coming to each of the weddings of the orphans this was and dancing and so forth and so on the particular wedding he was like an ecstatic a kind of an ecstatic state of joy dancing with with the groom at one of these weddings an orphan groom and you know in this kind of state of ecstatic joy he shot it out that he would very much like that he be buried to the accompaniment of such music which ultimately happened he was actually buried to the accompanying of the wedding music did you hear my down in there yeah so so I guess the point of the story was you see that he was justified in providing this very you know special musics you know specifically in the honor of the groom and the bride who were orphans even if it was more than most people had so I guess there is precedent for this type of a thing what we gonna say you an example yeah good so let's I have like twenty five dollars mm-hmm that's how much I would personally pay for an average sweater or a jacket keep me warm in the winter what this is saying is that for the poor person I should buy that same sweater or even more or even more yeah however if you have the money if you don't have the money it's a different story what I'm not charity yeah yeah and it's usually for five dollars why should I get one Twitter for $25 Mike and so all these five four people may disagree ah if the 25th if the $25 sweater is really let's say more than a person needs to keep himself warm it's got some style to it or something by myself so then I guess according to this you know if if the if in the public eye wearing such a sweater would kind of look recognize that you store on okay okay sorry that guys like thug life on it right yeah I guess something else it's a knot of the call yet someone who spanked or I'm believe in God and walked on and give that question good to have to work but but the poor person so at the time I like a thats I say say for example a person would buy a $25 letter and that would be like a name brand something executive a nice and nice portly looking right over the fact I bet you cheap or something that I retreat okay so I ok so again so again the one was like a name brand it might feel a bit stylish and inferred look at wow that's sharp that's a nice sweater another week like you know I got you know not no games attention yeah so yeah so gather sweater you know it does a job so a person is kind of I don't know in the first case he's dressing up more than he really has to but if that's what everybody does that's the standard then according to this you should give the foot before person the same standard but otherwise he's standing out as a pauper but in your eyes only giving one out of five yeah but what's a better to cover we saw earlier you should give Wes the more than what 21 we saw that yeah that's what benefit is given right because I've been good but here you give but that he's explaining the resolving the contradiction by saying you know doing the giving one two hundred is better than giving Han to one in terms of the act of giving you are giving a hundred times we say Jesse ah what about the other 99 that he needs or everybody you know so why should yes it is if everybody gives 1 200 so ultimately everybody who needs will get 100 just beginning because it's given because one is getting one is being given by 100 but each one is giving out of time so everybody's going to benefit whether the recipient is receiving all the needs for more people so so that so I guess you know I might say the same thing here as well here you're talking about not not to benefit the glue the giving will do for me but the good of what he's actually receiving if we're required to give the person what everybody else has yes so then I guess it would be better to give more to one and regarding the others other people will give those but what we need that being said I mean if you're talking again about getting something which is really more like a specialty item is quite expensive and even if a lot of people have that type of a thing because it's a relatively affluent society this person doesn't have that or there many people who don't several people before and don't have anything so we probably would be better to give them something less expensive than most people wear as long as it's something which is are going to make them look like you know like a scarecrow it's a fine line you know they don't know you kind of have to get estimate how expensive is what everybody's wearing visa V was still considered could still be considered tasteful but if it would make the person a mockery so that would be a problem okay what I'm saying I'm it 50 sort of the other night no last very long in my time that's very long it might be very thin it might be you know forever and mighty maybe it would be better to give the person the money instead cuz he forgive the sweater he was gonna do with it right but you can say to him you know um you know I really like to help you buy you know my sweater so you warm everything five dollars in ten dollars I'd like to give you tour displeasure so let him decide if he wants to fight I sweat it all right if you rather you buy by the $25 so we will help it at least eight ten dollars on well it might be better way of doing it I'm not that might be one solution to the problem your age yeah you know it's a very good point I suppose that would be a possible solution of course when you give the sweater it's more maybe maybe it's more like a gift you know so the person feels less may be uncomfortable as it were about receiving charity on the other hand in this scenario that might be compensated by the fact that you're at least enabling him to buy you know better sweater if she wants but you can't afford to give him that much or alternatively might just be to a few people yeah you know seems like he could really benefit from a nice sweater and I'd like to give him something I can't afford to give him something like we all wear by myself maybe you guys would like to pitch in and each one gives five dollars and you know we can give him at least fifteen or twenty dollars worth the 20 you know towards the $25 sweater the other five will come up with you know something you know thanks I got to get a few people together you