Staring at the line between life & death TRUE STORY

[Music] there's only one mhu there's only one and nobody here is poor so how's this going to help any of you remember I started this by telling you the most important prayer you have is the one you do for yourself so tells us we can do that in Psalm 86 Psalm 86 tells us a very secret a very big secret about prayer that every single one of you needs to use this it's coming up in a few days says a prayer of David so David is praying hem incline your ear answer me for I am a poor and destitute is telling us if you pray with all of your heart for yourself cry to Hashem be sincere with your prayer your prayer can be like you don't have to be a poor person but you can pray like one cuz even DAV says my prayer as DAV is not enough I want the prayer of Dan so if says that he wants the prayer of the an not only does it mean that the an is even better it's even higher but it means that anybody can do it and you don't have to go to a cave you could pray in and cry to hem beg hem to help you with your cha beg to help you with your modesty beg AEM to help you with conversion begm to help you with chu for your family beg AEM to help you with beg to help you with li T so you can get past page one beg hasem cry to Hashem your point so now my mom God bless her she reminded me of a story today why did I think of this I'm thinking to myself did I ever do this I prayed many times to Hashem and during the whole time that I uh with the conversion and everything else I used to pray a lot very very strong prayers but you're reminding me today of a story something that happened that M gave me a little bit of a uh perspective of how how this really works now what ises it mean to be poor poor doesn't mean money could be money what does poor really mean what does destitute really mean destitute means you have no choice you're out of choices you go up to Hashem I raise my hands I have no choice I have no hope I have nothing all I have is you meaning you have money but you're not going to ask AEM for money you have money so even if the check didn't come in on time you still have a few thousand in the bank you're not desperate but if you have a negative balance in the bank now you may be desperate but you know that there's a check in the mail you're still not desperate your check is in the mail you're not desperate if you have a negative in the bank and there's no check in the mail and there's no customers nothing you're sitting home looking at the TV while theal comes and collects you know in Israel they uh they come and you owe money start taking your furniture repo yeah they come take your furniture they're taking your television take the television as soon as possible they're taking the couch it's better for you anyway taking the couch taking this so you're sitting over there you have no idea what's going to happen but you're still thinking okay I still have enough stuff maybe I'll sell the couch that didn't take you're still not destitute when are you destitute when one of your kids says ABA I'm hungry and you have nothing to feed them when one little kid says ABA I'm hungry your whole world collapses your whole world collapses when because that's when you realize I have nothing I am nothing I have no other hope other than I have nothing so before really doing chuv you know we got a lot of test my mom told me this story today my she put me in perspective how AEM gets you to a point like he says in this par this is long time ago we got to a point where it's maybe uh four years maybe into the sickness and uh got to a point where I was getting much like surgery after surgery after surgery after surgery is much became like an experiment and uh but then one day the infection that I got was different was different than all the other infections usually the infections that I would have were very very painful but you get familiar with them you know your skin was still the same just you felt like you had like a I know like a golf ball or something inside your skin you can't wait for it to get out but here here I had a infection that made my skin like rubber aash like rubber very very strange and the doctors told me we're sorry it's in an area that's a uh very sensitive and um we have to have the surgery and we have to pretty much cut the whole part out we have no idea what it is we haven't seen this and we have to just cut it out because it's an infection and we have to cut it out now based on what they were telling me surgery goes in pretty much I'm not going to be able to have B not going to be able to have kids and I'm also not going to be able to go to the bathroom by myself permanently and who knows what kind of life I'm going to have after this God forsaken surgery and on top of it when I'm in the hospital even though I've had a bunch of surgeries before this this time I don't feel like I'm going to wake up this time I feel like I'm going to go to the surgery I'm not waking up that's the first time I started looking at like I just Fel had this bad feeling surgeries I got went to sleep a bunch of times I went to you know anesthesia a bunch of times already at this point it was like everybody knew me already you know it was a process they put injection okay you go to sleep get a nap whatever you wake up with some pain sometimes but usually have morphine in your system other than the first surgery the other surgeries as long as they they had morphine already ready for me it's fine the recovery was okay but this time a I had a bad feeling good Hospital good doctors no no problem everything was the same but this time I feel like I'm staring the Mal in his eyes but it's not something you see you just feel it you had a 100 surgeries before it doesn't make a difference right now this one's different this one is different and I'm shaking petrified cuz in the next few minutes they're supposed to come take me to the surgery and there's no I don't have a choice I don't have I don't want to have the surgery can't this infection is spreading rapidly that what can happen so you rather take off a piece of your body then uh nobody I'm petrified break down I have no idea what to do um M I feel like I'm thinking of I thought about okay this is it start saying goodbye this that but everybody says you know you say listen I didn't want to live I didn't want to live I didn't want to live you know I told you guys I was like suicidal and didn't want to live but when you get to that point all of a sudden you want to live all of a sudden you want to live all of a sudden the guy that was suicidal wants to live so my mom God bless her says me read T read for you I pray for you all the time read for you hit number six I heard it's good I used to hate when my mom would give me prayers I had no connection whatsoever to religion I just you know whatever was when she she would pray for me all the time and she would give me blessings when she would see me I told her IMA stop blessing me God hates me that's the level that I got to so much pain all the time how could God like me oh has now I know hem loves me more than everybody because look what he put me to to get to here but when you're in the fire all you can feel is the pain but this time I had no choice she gives me K I said yeah okay give me give me a t give me a t i just start reading non-stop read number six and this the first time I'm reading Hebrew and who knows how long and I'm crying and I'm reading and this and as soon as I finish reading the T the doctors come sir come they take me I would never forget this feeling I go they put me on the anesthesia I wake up they put me back in the room I don't feel any pain I wake up first of all I'm surprised that I woke up then I'm sitting there and I don't feel any pain usually there's pain there's nothing connected to me there's no pain so I'm thinking did I die like what what happened but then no I start seeing my wife my mom okay what happened and doctor comes in we have good news and we have bad news okay what's the good news what's the bad news good news is we didn't cut anything there's no surgery needed wow amazing okay what's the bad news we have no idea what it is but it's not an infection it's just something else we'll give you some medicine and it'll work something that was supposed to destroy my body forever when I hit rock bottom and finally I rais my hands to I have no other choice the money I have is worthless the friends I had worthless everything is worthless the only thing I have is number six and I'm reading it over and over again trying to even understand what it says but all I can do is cry to Hashem because that's all I have left that's when you get to remember this story if you want with your learning Tora you want with Z finding a good woman finding a good man you want with children you want with anything in your life pray like it counts pray like it's the only thing that you have it's the only choice once you do that that's when the doors open wide open cuz now has Ah that's the pray was waiting for [Music]