Should Every Ba'al Teshuva Go To Kollel? (11 minutes)

so one time I had a student went from K one day he wanted to commit murder mamash murder not joking not exaggeration M wanted to commit murder I had to convince him otherwise without him knowing that I'm convincing him you have to be a little bit of have to be sneaky a little bit you can't sometimes you got to tell somebody to their face Hey listen you have tell people to their face sometimes but most of the time you got to convince them that it's their idea like it says Shalom chased peace how did he Chase peace two people argued two people argue but then he goes to one of he goes ah you wouldn't believe it what ruen I just saw him he's crying about the fight that you had with the things that he said he said he's so sorry but he's so embarrassed to say I'm sorry to you oh really yeah yeah you wouldn't believe it then he goes to Shimon Shimon you wouldn't I just came back from uh from him he's crying about what he said to you during the argument you wouldn't believe it really but these two guys they're friends they got to fight their heart melts they go they hug each other oh listen I'm sorry I'm Sorry by the time they find out that none of this actually happened they're already back to being friends who cares Shalom he's creative sometimes for the truth for for for peace you're allowed to lie but only if you if you know exactly what you're doing you're not we're not you have to know exactly how to use it you have to have precise directions not just lie whenever you feel like it because it sounds good but nonetheless sometimes you have to convince people that it's their idea so guy wants to commit murder I have to convince him otherwise and convince him that it's his idea he does chv starts keeping Shabbat starts keeping little by little gets stronger and stronger one day he tells me okay I decided I'm going to leave work I'm going to go to k I'm thinking to myself okay you're only about a year into your Chua you don't have okay so you're keeping Shabbat you're not murdering good great but to have high level to go be makes $1,000 a month it's not easy you're married you got two kids three kids if you were single 18 19 20 22 years old 25 years old 30 years old in today's age everybody's 30 single but point is you're single you don't have anything you still live with your mom fine go to col him but if you have wife kids and everything and they're waiting for food every day and your wife is not bringing in any any P of s not enough you can't you can't you can't tell the guy no no that's the best thing for you to do unless the guy is like Ultra Ultra strong and the wife is even stronger and the kids are stronger there's little mashia running around the house yeah maybe but it's not a rule of thumb to just send people to col cuz you have to have also not to go to Cola in essence you're starting every month in negative in America you get paid approximately $1,000 a month in colas in Israel you get paid about 500 so imagine you have family five six kids just the rent is $2,000 $1,800 $1,500 so already in the beginning of the month you're already in a negative $500 to $1,000 doesn't include food doesn't include electricity doesn't include clothing for the kids doesn't include anything doesn't include even basic needs like toothbrush includes nothing just the rent so obviously you have to havea of where this money is going to come from of how you know you have to it's not hard it's not easy plus you cannot be a person that likes money if you like money too much you're never going to survive someone that likes money will not survive without money as a matter of fact someone that likes money will struggle because of his money for the rest of his life even if he has a lot of money because someone that likes money will never feel like he has enough of it because if you think money is good then you want more you never have enough you're going to fall off and one time when I when one of my t told me that he wants to go to a I advise them against it now someone who doesn't know it would think that I'm a Kel think I'm a heretic tell him somebody not to go to go learn to but I know he can't handle it why he just started doing CH he just was convinced not to commit murder just a little while before that to go to col a little bit of a push I'm not joking I'm not exaggerating I telling you this is a serious true story I know it's funny and it's I'm saying it in a funny way but it's m this is the type of stuff you deal with and uh I told him no I told him you shouldn't go and he did and he went anyway had a lot of serious problems why because eventually the savings that he had ran out okay now what all of a sudden wife's no good anymore why what' she do she was good this whole time why is she not good anymore the kids are no good anymore why the kids were perfect until now what happened all of a sudden this whole world went and collapsed why cuz he thought that you know he's going to go to col for six months going to become RAB AKA takes a long time to become RAB AA takes a lot of a lot of a lot of tests you have to earn your way you can't just be become RAB AKA even RAB AKA had to learn how to be RAB AKA first of all by making himself into nothing how he went to kindergarten learned Al which not only taught him Al but taught him how to eliminate his ego for the sake of hem for you want to learn T eliminate your ego if you're learning to to be some big special guy you're learning nothing that Torah that's full of G that's full of all types of arrogance it's not from sham it's not from Heaven it's what hasem says Torah that's full of arrogance it's not for me it's not my same Torah something else so you have to understand that some people have a yes some people have a no some people have a check mark some people have an x mark next to them you have to graduate and get to different levels at a certain time this is why it's very very important to consult with someone that's gone through it that knows it that's your Rabbi have a rabbi that knows who you are just asking any general Rabbi hey Rabbi should I go to Yeshiva every Rabbi will tell yeah sure go to Yeshiva go to col go Seminary go to Israel go do Aliyah go do this go of course yes to everything why not but if they knew that that yes meant it's going to be a divorce it's going to be this it's going to be that it's going to be be all these problems with it who's going to tell you yes so when you have a ra that's that knows the real details assuming you're telling them the truth because that's also another problem we deal with on a regular basis everyone pretends they give they come to the rabbi with a pretend story oh yeah you know I I have this problem with my wife I have this problem with my husband TA by why why why is you have a problem with this wife or husband oh I don't know I don't know they just pick on me oh they just pick on you just this innocent M this innocent victim you don't do anything yeah I don't know it's been like that for 5 years already always picks on me always this always that and all you know they tell you a story like wow this like husband is like Freddy Krueger kind of you know rash is this woman married to what kind of wicked witch is this guy married to me skin now when you find out the other side of the story you ask the husband or the wife he tells you the part goes oh yeah by the way she cheated on me last month oh yeah by the way he cheated on me last month he if I was him I would have killed you what this him yelling at you is actually giving you uh he's giving you benefit of a doubt you're worse than he is you're worse than even describing him you don't tell you that now everybody's sadik everybody that come to the rabbi know I'm a sadik I do this you know how much I give you know much this you how much that you you know I prayed six o'clock in the morning every day you don't need to pray at 6:00 in the morning you need to be a human being first you could pray at eight but be a human being so if you're telling this R the truth tell him the full story your full thought and not giving him like a uh where's Waldo puzzle you know where you give him you know one word like a code and he has to figure out what you're saying it's like I'm going where 8 hours later I went where'd you go two by the end of the week you found out he went to besset on Monday like it's codes it's like different like you know they don't tell you the whole story just tell why are you making me ask you questions tell me the whole story from A to Z I'll help you but if you tell me little codes like I'm some detective most of the time eventually me personally eventually I just give up I don't even ask you okay you want good luck but you don't care where I went no I don't care if you care to tell me tell me I don't have time thousands of people te is reaching over 100,000 people a week 100,000 people a week 150,000 people a week think I have time to figure out what your story is tell me I'll help you you don't want to tell me good luck but this is very very important for people to understand you want help from somebody you have to be honest you have to be honest you have to be honest with yourself and know where you stand if you really want to be a and you're willing to chase the Torah like you other people yourself included in the past chased money go for it 100% as long as your life is able to handle it but don't say don't come to me and tell me no no no my wife is yet what do you mean she wants to eat no my wife is yet she's not letting me go to co yeah no she not that she's yet she wants you to learn but she also wants to eat and if you don't go to work she and the three kids you have at home are not going to eat that's not yet that's Survival so you first start learning in the morning start learning in the afternoon during the break start learning at night become disciplined little by little you'll be learning a few hours a day little by little you'll gain more knowledge little by little you'll gain Merit little by little you'll get help from hasem that will give you the ability to learn even more why because you're chasing Torah like you're chasing money but if the only way you're going to learn is if you go to col all fulltime and put your family at risk then what are we doing here this will