ONE DAY TESHUVA - Jewish HaShkafa (77)

our series of the jewish hashkafa   based on the cepheus by the khazonesh uh tonight's  show will be for the fois lima for benit sarah to continue to serve at qatar who continue to  learn talk with us continue to share continue   to contribute to anyone that wants to watch  our app watch our shurim on the best place   if you want to watch them live it's typically on  sunday tuesdays and wednesday nights uh you go   to bh.live b as in h as in hashem dot l-i-v-e you  can watch the shulim live so you don't necessarily   need to go to uh facebook you could also watch  it on our the shim app which is on the ios store   and the google store those are the best places to  watch our shulim where they're live or thereafter   that's the best place also good place to donate  for those of you that want to contribute uh to   our work uh give the most sale that you uh are  supposed to give on a regular basis uh either way   hashem gives you a hundred percent to give ten  percent for torah that is transforming lives is   the least that we could all do uh with that being  said we have uh a reminder for everybody that we   have the event later next week on the 22nd of on  the 22nd of the month uh according to gregorian   calendar it's next wednesday here in south florida  at the hilton uh to hilton in fort lauderdale   for uh anyone that wants to come just rsvp by  sending an email to leia at bezottasham.org it's   free entry there's also a bunch of gifts books usb  cds booklets uh kisuyosh all types of wonderful   things and there's also a raffle uh that we give  out some more free stuff of course for anyone that   wants to uh join the list of sponsors uh that help  us put these events together and uh get the merits   of every single mitzvah and every single hizuk  that comes out of that shield go to your account   a very smart investment you could also go to  bhizuk.org bhizuk.org and you could donate   over there become one of the sponsors so with  that being said we have a lot of work to do   to uh try to get a hold of what the uh kazonish is  uh where with the journey that he's taking us he's   taking us here on a uh different flight than we've  been on so far over the last several chapters   here in this chapter four where it's the  study of uh middot the study of morals uh   we've already seen that the uh hazonis has already  rewired our brains to think very differently when   it comes to developing ourselves and fixing  our weak character traits and strengthening   our strong character traits by first and foremost  understanding what they are just like he did when   in the beginning of the first chapter of the  cephal where he explained to us what emunah is   and what bitachon is and how they're technically  a world apart but yet in the same world   uh and uh quite frankly very different than uh  the the general public understands what ammunition   it's not simply faith and it's not simply  confidence there's a lot more details to it for   anyone that wants to know the details just go back  to the beginning of the series and watch the first   20 25 lectures of the series and get your neshama  get rewired certainly can help anybody that's   out there whether you're from or newly religious  it'll certainly help your life now the khazunish   is taking us on a similar flight  but in a very different direction   when it came when it comes to the study of  morals the study of character traits many of us   uh you know that focus on the study of musar in  general the character development jewish ideology   we constantly mention the uh the concept of uh  character trait development uh and uh you know   weak character traits strong character traits and  how they're literally the uh the spiritual nervous   system of a person that's going to the the part of  it that's going to determine whether this person   is going to be a good person or a bad person  a righteous person or a wicked person a person   that's going to be a good person to marry or a bad  person to marry a good a person that's going to be   a good parent or a bad parent and all of us have  our weaknesses and all of us have our strengths   uh and uh of course the the hazonis has already  told us that uh instead of looking at all of the   character traits whether it be anger arrogant  stinginess uh you know the uh jealousy uh   evil eye uh you know all types of uh lusts that  people have and all these different character   traits that people have instead of looking at  them as uh you know a uh list of bad character   traits and of course generosity and uh and uh and  confidence and uh you know uh a person that is uh   persistent and uh in a positive way uh these  positive traits and of course there are many   others uh that a person has instead of looking  at them at a separate list the hazonis told us   that you actually have to look at all of the good  character traits as one uh good character trait   and all of the bad character traits as one bad  character trait where the good character trait   and the bad character trait are literally going  to summarize everything not necessarily as   a summarization of what all the traits are but  rather the root cause of all of the good and   root cause of all of the bad and the root cause  of all of the bad is when a person simply leaves   everything up for nature meaning this is the way i  was born this is the way i was going to stay i was   born angry i'll die angry i was born arrogant i'll  die arrogant i was born stingy i'll die stingy   that type of mentality the hazoni says that even  if this person had a little bit of good in him   that good will ultimately turn into bad and  all of the other things that he was bad in will   actually magnify and become much much worse over  time because once he decides to leave a certain   bad character trait as is without putting any  effort into it this is going to trickle down   and affect all of the other traits and ruin  everything turning this person into a beast   that's uh danger to society and of course  we see this many times in the world   uh where you see the uh different people that get  exposed by kadosh baku whether they're exposed   from the life of hollywood or or other type of  celebrity or the business world and you see that   when these people's lives go under the microscope  whether it be in a trial or being some type of uh   public exposure in the media you see that these  people had one image that the world saw them as   that is literally a lifetime away from what they  really were you know on the screen on the media   in the papers you viewed this person as a success  as someone funny as someone that was generous and   someone's nice someone that is uh courageous  smart and so on but once their lives go under   the microscope you see that this person is a drunk  disgusting human being a uh simply an excuse of a   person excuse of a husband or a wife an adulterer  a liar a drug addict and all types of other   degenerate addictions and behavior traits and uh  you see that these people are very very different   than the screen on the media has portrayed  them and in essence the the image that the   world has had is very very different than what  they really are on the other hand the media also   uh you know uh uh demonizes all of the righteous  people uh with the same articles where they say   uh bad things about the greatest rabbis and the  greatest sages that ever lived in israel always   taking one specific statement or one specific uh  comment that they wrote and literally vilifying   them into such a person that uh the un uh you know  the people that are ignorant of what the truth is   simply jump on the bandwagon and literally start  hating the torah and everything that has to do   with it and even if they call themselves religious  they hate the this specific rabbi without actually   knowing the full truth little do they know  that that particular comment that they made is   just one small word out of an entire globe of of  wisdom that this person has brought to the world   and just like the good traits just like the  bad traits are have a certain diagnosis the   good traits have a certain diagnosis with this  uh this diagnosis is the fact that when someone   wants to be good when one someone wants to be  a servant of hashem they are simply determined   to fix everything they possibly could they're  they're not going to let anything up for nature   they're not going to let anything go if they have  a weakness they're going to fix it we've seen it   many times in the torah in the uh talmud terento  the oral torah in our in history itself of the any   time that uh the uh they were vilified by the  public or vilified by their uh uh their their   someone was opposing them uh generally speaking  they were obviously they were proven to be right   99.9 of the time but anytime that they were proven  otherwise that it was shown that uh you know they   saw that they were wrong they had no qualms about  the uh you know published publicly apologizing   so it's very important to understand that this  apology is not something that uh comes natural   to a person uh especially not to a person  that is uh not committed to fixing everything   now the khazonesh has told us here that if  a person wants to fix everything in his life   they have to fix the one big trait of giving up  giving up on anything that that is their weakness   if they want to become a very good person  they have to be determined to be a good person   so here so far in this flight we've seen that  the khazonesh has uh has really changed the   way we think about middot the way we think  about character traits because typically we   think about them in categories we think about  them as individual items but here we see that   has given us a completely different picture  and now in the third section of chapter four   elaborates further and i'm going to read it  first and uh it's very likely that you're not   going to understand anything i just say and i'm  going to read it in english and it's not because   you're stupid it's not because you're not smart  enough it's not because you're not even a scholar   uh it's not it's it's doesn't matter it's it's  not easy to uh to understand every single thing   that's being said here unless you dig deep into  it and uh and and so you don't think that i'm some   genius i had to go over this many times in order  to truly understand it myself with a friend uh   and and many more times myself to truly understand  what is being said here uh even though it's again   you can read it in hebrew you can read it in  english read in whatever french doesn't make   a difference it's not the language that's  difficult it's the concept that's difficult   and uh here we're going to go in to cover this  particular section read the whole section and then   dissect by zlatan little by little and see how  we could apply it because one of the the goal   that we're trying to achieve today is to address  the question or address the the notion that's   out there that a person can simply do chuva uh  you know repent for their sins fix their life   in one shot you know it's similar to the scandals  and the scams in the business world where you have   these infomercials at three o'clock in the morning  uh you know trying to take advantage of the people   that have nothing better to do uh used to be on  television now probably it's on the internet too   uh you know trying to tell people that you can get  rich really quick if you simply buy a subscription   to uh this particular magazine or you got this  particular service or you sign up to this guru   or you buy this package of real estate books and  you read all of them and you follow everything and   you can buy everything for nothing and all types  of mumbo mumbo-jumbo that relies on the naive   uh people that are really looking for a quick  solution to their problems uh and of course   they all have testimonies and they all have you  know people that are willing to vouch for them   and little they tell you that those people are  really just paid paid actors but nonetheless   it's important to know that it's their the  the the scammers are not really at fault   here they're scammers and there's always been  scammers there's a there's a uh there's a thief   you know every day simply because a new one born  every day simply because there are you know new   victims uh born every day in multitudes uh it's  so the scammer is a scammer and there's nothing   that's going to change that until masjid comes  this is going to be really the we're not going   to fix the scammers here we're not going to fix  the thieves here what we're trying to do is to try   to see if we could potentially be those uh people  those victims and not those victims that are going   to buy an infomercial or those victims that are  going to believe one of these emails that you get   at least once or twice a week that somebody died  in africa somewhere in nigeria and uh they happen   to have 37 million dollars and no one else is  there to take it and this very generous lawyer   or or aunt or really old person just thought  about you even though they've never met you but   they really want to give you this 37 million  dollars and 6 million dollars and just give them   a little bit of information and they'll be happy  to send you that 30 million dollars right away you   know a person that wants to believe that a person  that has the mentality that all of their problems   uh could be solved in one shot that they love  the stories that they hear from different rabbis   that uh rabbid in the you know that was the  biggest criminal in the world there was no crime   he did not commit every immorality that you could  possibly commit he committed with prostitutes with   with everything you could possibly imagine and  then the end of the story is that he actually does   chuva at the end in a single day and abu dhabi  hears this and cries and says some people have   to serve hashem their whole life for 70 years  in order to finally do chewbai and get olaf   this abeedo diya not only was able to do it in  one day but also uh was uh called rabido diy   it wasn't he wasn't a diabetic he wasn't a rabbi  beckham so this this the teaching here it's it's   it's you know people love this type of teachings  because it gives them false hope when they don't   understand the root of the story the meaning of  the story it makes them believe that they could   truly transform their life in one day now again  although you can change direction in a second not   even in one day you can change direction in your  life in a single second it only takes a decision   that to change direction to make a right to  make a left to go the right way to go the   wrong way it's only a second the moment of truth  is only a second but the actual transformation   is we have to determine here we have to see  here is it truly possible to make one decision   and that's it you're fixed you're fixed you're  a righteous person from now now on or you're   a wicked person from now on is that possible  according to the uh uh the general understanding   of that particular story and other stories like it  it seems like it is possible and we're gonna have   the khazonesh elaborate on this and try to explain  to us whether it is or it isn't possible to truly   transform our lives because there's not a day that  goes by that i don't get at least a few emails or   messages from people that tell me they just uh  they discovered god and they discovered that   six months ago or two years ago and they feel like  they don't want anything else but god and they   feel like they're in an elevated status and they  already believe that they talk to god and they   believe that god is talking to them and they see  things and they feel things and all they want is   torah and all of these wonderful things and that's  all great and the truth is is that it's it's most   of the time it's simply delusions uh it's in more  times than not it's delusions that a person has   but he doesn't realize it he doesn't realize it  many times he doesn't realize that it's his own   ego telling him these things not necessarily god  telling them these things but again this is not an   insult it's just simply a reality because  for a person to go from idolatry or or   heresy or simply nothing to everything in a very  short period of time it's not something that's   not possible it's just simply not likely uh and  again it's a uh most people that uh that connect   to certain things you could tell within when  you have a little experience with people   and with torah you can tell pretty much within  the first few sentences of whether this person   is delusional or they're real now this again this  is not an insult to anybody it's simply one of the   things that perhaps most people go through most  people go through the the phase of thinking that   maybe i'm ashiyak you know because i'm serving  hashem so much and i love hashem so much and i'm   reading so much and i don't see anybody else  around me as committed as i am even though   you don't really see other people's hearts and  other people's lives but you don't see it like   you see yourself so you got people go through that  stage where they think that they're mashiach and   they think that they're better than the rabbi and  they think that they're better than everybody else   and they even think that they're better than the  angels and perhaps they think that maybe they have   a special mission in the world little do they  know that they haven't even begun the core part   of the tuba that they need to make they're still  in the starting phase but hashem helps a person   get boosted and he tries to get them really  excited so they can stay on this path   but that path changes over time and the more  a person learns torah the more they realize   that some of their old feelings were necessary  even though they were silly some of their old   feelings were terrible they shouldn't have had  them and the point being is that every one of   us is on that chuva journey some of us are on  a conversion journey some of us are on a kizuk   journey but nonetheless all of us are on a journey  and we have to understand that that journey   is not something that's supposed to take 24 hours  it's not something that's supposed to take a week   it's not a short journey it's a lifelong journey  and if you're seeing yourself still making some of   the cardinal sins some of the terrible sins you're  seeing yourself fail with very very big things   but at the same time you think that you're talking  to god at the same time you think that you are   the messiah at the same time you think that it's  okay for you to eat pork you know then perhaps you   should check yourself maybe institute yourself or  perhaps just simply don't leave your house for a   little while until you get yourself in in in order  because what we're going to read today is going to   clarify a lot of this of whether this teshuva  in one day or not is possible which i already   gave you the hint of whether it is or it isn't but  nonetheless it's also going to give us an idea of   where are we what are we supposed to do what are  we supposed to do with the day-to-day battles   so the khazonesh starts as follows in healing and  healing the bad traits it's natural to isolate   the factors for it is easier to condemn each bad  trait once it has been singled out and analyzed   speaking about healing the soul in general without  breaking it up into many details causes a lack   of comprehensiveness and a reduction in the  length of the perceptive doctor's discourse   the purpose of which is to imbue his students  with his ideas in order to move him towards   the good the patient too needs each bad trait  singled out with its fault spelled out in detail   in order to search for the suitable trick for each  one in accordance with human nature and feelings   since all of the bad traits are in their source  one trait and all of the good traits are also   one trait curing one of them has an effect  on the cure of all by healing one limb the   whole body is strengthened and the good trait  which includes all the good traits is elevated   up to there is section three in chapter four now  of course i'm sure that all of you have gotten   some general concept uh if not more of what  was just said and some of you are completely   confused as i was when i first registered even  the first line and once i got to the third and   fourth line i was scratching my head so much that  it started hurting simply because i had no idea   what's right what's left and i had to  reread it over and over again just to get   the taste of what the wisdom here is that  how it could affect our lives in bok hashem   the the magnitude of wisdom that's here for  anyone that can read the hebrew version you   can see that it's the translation is actually  relatively good but nonetheless the combination   thereof for anyone that can read both languages  it helps at times either way we're going to start   performing a spiritual surgery on this section  more so than we've done in other sections just   because i believe that this particular section  is not only critical but it's also more difficult   than the ones that we've had before so  the khazonesh in his extraordinary wisdom   says that of course we already understood that  there is the muna there's beetahon there's uh   there's learning mussar there's learning there is  understanding that there is good traits bad traits   but all of it goes into one goal you know the good  side and all of it goes into one on the bad side   but now we are looking for a strategy  how do we fix our life can we be rabid   can we fix our life in one shot can we just  you know get on with it one day i'm a criminal   the next day i'm a tadiq one day i don't know  anything the next day i'm on my way to being the   dollar doll i'm going to be my maybe can  i be that one day i'm a zona can i do that   is that possible can i just change my clothes  change my exterior appearance and simply become   righteous because i feel like i'm righteous i want  to be righteous i have a desire to be righteous   is that something that i can just do in one thing  can i just make myself into a good husband a good   wife in one day because i decided to be good  is that enough to be good and it's important   for a person to know that although desire is  critical that's that that's the determinant   of everything you would you desire good you can  get good you desire bad you're certain to get bad   but nonetheless the uh hazonish here elaborates  on the strategy a strategy of how to fix our lives in healing the bad traits it is  natural to isolate the factors   for it's easier to condemn each bad trait once  it has been singled out and analyzed here in the   first sentence the kazonish tells us something  that is clarifying the previous teachings   where in the past he told us that yes there  are some bad traits that we're all aware of   a person can be a lustful person an  arrogant person seeking for honor   see you angry all the time uh and know it  all uh be a one of these prideful people   all bad traits and we've said already that  all bad traits are under that one umbrella   of simply deciding to do nothing  about it you were born bad stay bad he says that is the umbrella but if  you want to that's the the sickness   but if you want to cure that sickness you  can't cure it by addressing that one problem   of wanting to fix everything wanting to  fix everything is the decision process   that's required for a person to fix everything  but in itself it will not fix everything   because to simply fix let's say your lethargy  your your laziness of wanting to fix yourself   let's say if you're a lazy person and you're  an arrogant person and you're an angry person   and you're a stingy person to desire to fix all  of it will not fix it it'll get you on that path   to fix it it's like going into the car and  turning on the ignition but you still have   to drive and you still have to have directions  so he says here that healing these bad traits   requires you to isolate each one of these this  this big uh uh this big issue isolated into   categories into individual traits because  it's easier to condemn each bad trait   after it has been singled out and analyzed  so here the kazonich tells us a strategy   that each one of us if we really truly  want to become better people and this is a   great advice for couples that are having issues  this is great advice for people that are running   a organization and having a difficulty with  their partner and in business this is a great   thing for a person to do even for themselves  and simply to make themselves a better person and notice what people are complaining about you  as well as what you know already you yourself are   weak at you know that you are constantly  anxious you're worried about dying you're   worried about money you work about being lonely  you're constantly worried about different things   each one of those worries is it's a is a  subcategory of itself it's not just anxiety   and that's it no no anxiety about what anxiety  about money anxiety about loneliness anxiety about   death anxiety about uh whatever it is okay each  one of those things list them you know that about   yourself you know you're worried about certain  things fine what else do you have that you know   is a problem oh i get angry my my husband or my  my wife complains that i'm angry all the time okay   right anger and i'll break that up into  pieces what you get angry about or i get   angry about the kids kids i get angry about  work work i get angry about money money and   you break it up into pieces each one of  these will have literally different arms   now what else do you know about yourself and  sometimes a person gets stuck so don't worry   if you're married you have people that you  work with typically people complain about you   the more you're connected with  people the deeper the connections   the more you'll hear people complain about you  about certain things what do they complain about   oh they say i'm arrogant okay what are you  arrogant about i don't know they said it what did   they say you're arrogant about oh they say that i  think i know it all there you go arrogant know it   all what else do they say you arrogant oh they say  that i'm arrogant about my money fine no problem   here you go arrogant money and you make this  category have these subcategories before you know   it you have a family tree but it's not really  a family tree it's you it's you that you can   identify it's you that you don't agree with it's  you that you agree with but nonetheless it's you this is the first step of this strategy that the  hazoni says a person must do he must identify   and then the second part which is  the subcategories he has to separate because now when we have identified the issues  and then separated the issues into even smaller   micro pieces or smaller subcategories it becomes  easier to do step number three which is prioritize prioritize which one do we want to take on and fix   first now how do you decide which one you want  to take on first it depends it depends on your   strength it depends on your motivation you know  at times people when they uh have debt issues   they don't really know how to deal with  their debt problems because what they   find themselves doing is simply they pay the  minimum payments of everything and they have   nothing left for themselves needless to say  they're not affecting any of the balances because   all of the loans have such high interest and in so  many words they don't have any way which you know   unless they're going to win the lotto they have no  way of getting out of this debt hole they're going   to be in debt until the year 3980. and it's only a  college loan and it's only a house loan it's only   a medical loan but nonetheless they have no way  of knowing what to do so sometimes a person has to   restructure the loan and start addressing  the loans differently where you if you have   multiple loans sometimes it's better to fix  the small loans first ignore the big loans   all together and put all of your efforts into  the small loans to get those small loans balances   out of the way so you have a loan for five hundred  thousand dollars a loan for uh a hundred thousand   dollars and then six loans for a thousand dollars  go deal with the small loans fix the small ones   get them out of the way and then you can deal  with the bigger ones now of course it's going   to be defaults it's going to be this is going to  be that but nonetheless sometimes that is a fit   and appropriate strategy for people because now  they can actually address each thing and improve   certain things that there was no other way to do  the same concept is here if a person is finding   themselves with a whole tree full of issues  they're literally either know themselves that   they have weaknesses in every shape of way and uh  every part of their of their soul or simply they   hear it from the people that everything about them  is a problem their wife their brother their sister   their parents and so on everybody's complaining  about them then simple you have to see which one   is going to affect your life the most if you fixed  it which one is going to affect your life the most   if you ignored it and at that point see if you  have the strength to actually deal with that one   if you do then of course that's the one you  want to deal with but if you find yourself just   getting started you have never fixed anything  other than maybe a a broken lego piece when you   were a little kid you've never fixed anything  perhaps you fixed your tire and your and your   bicycle when you were a teenager you never fixed  anything in real life the last time your wife told   you i hate you you thought you wanted a divorce  even though she was just upset at you that you   yelled at one of the kids you know the reality is  you've never really taken life seriously enough   to address problems you've never fixed anything  you just assumed the worst or assumed nothing and   you don't know right or left that's not a problem  you're in good company most people are just like   you they've never fixed anything in today's  society relationships are not fixed they're   simply renewed either they just delude themselves  to think that if they renew their vows all of   their old problems go away you know so forget  about the fact that he cheated on you forget about   the fact that you cheated on him forget about the  fact that you guys can't stand each other forget   about the fact that there's seriously no real  relationship between you already for five years   but if you have this fake wedding you're going to  have a happy marriage all of a sudden that's one   delusion another delusion is simple let me just  throw this one out and go get a new one and they   delude themselves to think that the new one is  going to be better than the old one little do they   know the new one will probably be much much worse  than the old one after that lustful stage is over   now people don't want to fix relationships  in the old days getting a divorce was a taboo   it's not a normal thing somebody got a divorce  everyone knew ooh hell yeah be careful with those   people why what up what they do criminals mobsters  whether they kill people serial killers no no no   they're you know they come from one of those  families what families what do they do mobsters   kill us what do they do no no no no no don't  kill anybody they got divorced what divorced oh   yeah yeah yeah oh divorce was like this big  thing the big d no one does it marriages were   supposed to last a thousand years literally  buried next to each other today if you're not   divorced within five years of marriage there's  something wrong with you why still with her   what's going on you're cheating on her right she  just doesn't realize it what's going on with what   is that he's he's what's wrong why are you still  with him is something is he sick are you sick is   something what's going on people don't understand  how marriages last needless to say they have no   idea what a marriage is as soon as there's a  little tit bit of an argument of something she   doesn't like this he doesn't like that oh is that  i want a divorce i want the worst i want the worst   like they treat marriage like secular people treat  dating they date each other and they pretend to   love each other and i love you pooping i love  you cooking i love you love you love you love you   but as soon as a different cookie comes along  all of a sudden i don't love you and i never did   all of a sudden the cookie is not chocolate chip  enough all of a sudden you want an oreo you want a   uh something else you want a cake what happened to  i love you pookie pooky yeah i loved you yesterday   and unfortunately people treat  their marriages the same way   it's a sad state of affairs that you have  divorce rates over 80 percent in western society   and unfortunately this has also affected the  jewish world hashem the religious world is not   anywhere near this 80 percent but nonetheless  the fact that there's even a one or two percent   divorce rate in a jewish world is already  a tragedy because it already shows there   are certain things that could have been fixed or  simply should have never been in the first place   nonetheless a person needs to know  that there's a delusion out there that   if it's not obvious that it's broken just  leave it alone if she's not complaining then   don't say anything just leave it as is like it's  some pipe or better yet if he's not complaining   about your spending problems then he's okay  with it or worse yet if she didn't notice that   you're not coming home for a few nights a a week  then she's probably okay with it delusions that   people have in their mind that if their spouse  doesn't say something then they're okay with it   or worse yet that if they're not okay with  it simple throw them out or get yourself out   and try something new the next one surely will  agree with your you know filthy disgusting habits   and the point is abu tai is that as ridiculous  and silly as this sounds this is society today   people are in a hurry to go to the core to get a  divorce they're in a hurry to go to the rabbis to   get a divorce we had unfortunately several times  with different young couples all the couples came   to us and said listen we want a divorce okay i'm  not exactly a bad dean but uh why why do you want   a divorce and 9 out of 10 times it's ridiculous  reasons 9 out of 10 times it's simply a argument   of whose ego is bigger that's all it is 9 out of  10 times one person doesn't know how to behave   and the other person doesn't know how to deal  with someone who doesn't know how to behave   sometimes both of them don't know how to behave  other times some people just don't even know   what marriage is where a woman can come to me and  tell me listen rabbi can you uh give me a blessing   what what what blessing do you need well no no i  need you to bless me for a uh a big masala turban   that will have a successful marriage with a lot of  kedusha will bring a lot of holiness to the world   wait but what do you mean you're married all  right no no i got divorced what do you mean   you get divorced why what happened no you got the  but how many divorces you have already five five   rabbi but listen it's the sixth one i know this  is the right one i know this is the right one can   you give me a blessing that this one is gonna  be six marriages and you still want a blessing unfortunately people have no concept of what  marriage is they literally they need a blessing   to do teshuva they need a blessing to have their  minds reworked not a blessing for their marriage   to work a blessing for their minds to work so  they know how to be a wife they know how to be   a husband they know how to be a human being and  not give up on everything as soon as it doesn't   go right and not necessarily jump into things  just because it looks superficially good oh she   has money he has money they look good they like  me they took me out to dinner he opened the door   all types of superficial things that cause people  to get married or divorced this is something abu   tai that is a problem it's a very serious problem  and a person needs to know that in order to fix   in order to fix all of these problems a person  has to be willing to fix themselves first   if you want to have a successful marriage whether  you are in one right now or you want to get into   one whether it's your first or 18th one you have  to know the problem begins with you not them   you if the problem was with them  then we would be talking to them   but since you're the one that's watching that  means the problem is with you and hashem is   sending them a message in a different way perhaps  both of you are watching this and both of you have   a problem but nonetheless akadash baku manipulated  the world in such a fashion for you to hear this   because you are the one that has the problem  the secret is they are the ones that have the   problem too even if they don't hear this problem  because all of us have a problem but hashem is   communicating to them differently nonetheless  it's important for you to know that if you want to   fix your marriage or get into a marriage that  is a good marriage a healthy marriage you want   to be a good parent you want to be a good father a  good mother you want to be a good business partner   you want to be a good boss you want to be someone  that is an ethical human being that people can say   his name is like good oil you want to be  one of those people that's called a mensch   it has to start with you not the world around you  if you're expecting the world around you to change   in order for you to change you my friend are  in a very very terrible situation spiritually   because you're not only making mistakes as far  as flawed character traits but you're deluding   yourself to think that they are responsible for  your change it's like somebody saying listen i'm   not crazy i only talk back when they talk to  me who's talking to you're alone no only when   they talk to me and you have no idea what this  person is talking about but he's mad about it   because someone's talking to him but he says i'm  not talking to them only when they talk to me   we have to understand that there are things  that are very clear when you look in the   mirror you're going to see the person  that's in charge of all of your problems   in charge and it has the control of not only all  the problems but has the key to the solutions   that person that's you so the first thing  that a person needs to do is identify   these flaws the flaws and the character traits the  weaknesses that he himself she herself knows are   a problem we're not even talking about torah laws  uh desecrating shabbat any modest immorality and   all those things even though those are obviously  problems very serious problems that typically   lead to many other issues of adultery and and so  on but nonetheless this is literally for anybody   identify those issues that you know you are  weak in so that's step number one to separate   those big categories into subcategories  that anger into why you're angry   the different reasons you're angry the  stinginess what are you stingy about are   you stingy about food are you stingy about  yourself are you thinking about other people and so on and so forth after you've written  all of this down pick one that stands out to   you because that's the one that's a make or  break that's the one that can make or break   your marriage can make or break your career can  make or break your relationship with your children and look at yourself in the mirror and say can  you fix it right now and be honest with yourself   if you can then start with that one if you have  the spiritual stent the strength to start with   that one then go for it but if you know yourself  and you know it's too big for you right now   that doesn't make you a bad person it simply  makes you realistic with yourself and honest   with yourself then go look at something else see  if there's a smaller debt that you can handle   something smaller something that people  complain about only once in a while after you've analyzed it  after you've identified it and after you've prioritized it you're already on  the path to a better road a better journey ability one of the talmidim of the mageemi mezrich  who was the talmid muvak of the baal shemtov he writes that if a person takes  a certain trait that they have   whatever it is and works on it day and night for  40 days straight they could fix that trait now of   course this is a person that is not just going to  say listen from now on i'm not going to be angry   and everything is making them angry but they're  just simply not expressing themselves no no no a   person that needs to work on it has to work on  it by studying over it analyzing it dissecting   it and going through a certain process of fixing  each and every single one nonetheless says when   you break it up thin enough to the real reasons  the root cause it's not just anger in general   it's which part of the anger the anger about money  the anger about this the anger about that which   part of the anger you want to fix that one you  work on that one 40 days straight you can fix it   now the hazoni says that after a person  has singled out and analyzed this bad trait he's already on the right path because  speaking about healing the soul   in general without breaking it up into many  details causes a lack of comprehensiveness   and a reduction in the length of the perceptive  doctor's discourse the purpose of which is to   imbue the student with his ideas in order  to move him towards the good this next batch that we just read is of critical importance  to understand because we have a strategy   but we also have a strategy killer the strategy  we just discussed take the traits the flaws break them up into pieces pick one start dealing with it but then you have a strategy killer what's the  strategy killer no i don't need this i'm not gonna   go micromanage myself i'm not going to analyze  all these small little things i'm just gonna deal   with the whole thing arrogance from now on i'm  not gonna be arrogant ignorance from now on i'm   not gonna be ignorant uh honor from now on i'm  not gonna be i'm gonna be mr humble they wanna   deal with the big category not the subcategory  says this is a mistake he says that to heal   the soul in general dealing with the big thing  without breaking it up into many details causes   a lack of comprehensiveness meaning it causes a  person not to understand what his real problem is because a person can be an angry person but there  are different things that trigger different people   some people they get angry when  people don't give them enough respect   they get angry when people don't acknowledge  them they get angry when people don't   say hello to them they get angry when  they don't get a thank you if a person   analyzes that issue thoroughly enough they'll  realize that their problem is not anger   anger is the way they express their  feeling their problem is arrogance gava they think they deserve a lot more than they do   and the truth is most people do most people  the root of their problem is gava pride now if a person analyzes their issues  they'll usually see that most of their issues   begin with pride they'll say listen i have  jealousy lust anger people say i'm a know   it all all of that starts with gaba starts with  pride why he sees somebody else have something   he's jealous of it what's the root of his jealousy  simple he has it god should have given it to   me why shouldn't he give it to you because i'm a  better person than him what makes you think you're   a better person just look at him look at me surely  i'm a better person him he does this i do better   he does that i do it better he goes there i do  it better and simple he starts he looks at people   by analyzing them she looks at her friends  not as friends simply as competition   competing with what everything so she has  to look the best not necessarily because she   likes the dress that she's wearing  because she's competing with her friends   she doesn't want her friends to see her in  the same dress twice why oh don't think that   something's wrong and she wears certain things  does certain things because she's constantly   in competition and god forbid somebody else beats  her in this in this imaginary competition that in   itself creates a certain amount of jealousy that's  in our imagination it's not a real thing it's not   like something like said oh t i'm better than  you nobody says that it's all in her imagination   the other person may not even be a jealous person  is not even competing with her simply just going   about their life and minding their own business  but they don't realize that in her mind in their   friend their so-called best friend's mind they're  competing oh how come she's getting married i'm   not oh how come she got a new car and i didn't how  come she got a reason i did it oh huh he all these   different things are in the mind in the mind  and the mind and why do you think that because   you're arrogant bottom line that is the reason  you think you are better than everybody else   and that's a very serious problem to address  that it's not possible by going and addressing   anger you have to address the arrogant part why  do you think you're better than everybody else analyze the truth are you really  better than everybody else   now in order to have a good  assessment you should watch the series where the ramban teaches his son how you should  never look at anybody else in such a fashion that   you're better than them because even if you're  more beautiful than them did you create yourself   even if you're richer than them  did god not give you the money   can he not just simply take it away from you even if you see yourself as someone that's  smarter than them is it not possible for that   other person to be more righteous than you  anyway intellect doesn't mean righteousness and even if you say no no i'm all  righteous look i'm keeping more   perhaps they have suffered more than you do  and therefore they have more reasons to have   more difficulties than you do the point being  is that when you truly analyze another person   from a different perspective and not just from  your uh advantageous perspective you realize   that in reality there's never a reason for  you to think that you're better than anybody   now of course to get to that level where you  don't think you're better than everybody else   truly don't think that you're better than  everybody else and not be one of these people   that pretends to be humble oh listen rabbi i'm  very humble very very humble i don't think i'm   better than anybody else but listen i have this  amazing idea i don't think anybody's ever said it   wait did you just say that you're the most  humble person that you don't think what what   nobody ever said it how do you assume that  nobody ever said it you don't think that   one of the sages said it that's a million and a  half times smarter than you and that's the thing   people don't even realize the words that come out  of their mouth they don't realize the thoughts   that are in pop-up in their brain they don't  realize a lot of the things because they don't   analyze and scrutinize each one of their actions  and many times if a person looks at their jealousy   they realize that this jealousy is coming from  pride they simply believe that they are entitled   to everything that everybody else has and  more if they look at their lust a person has   lust and if he wants to or she wants to deal  with that lust as a uh as a category in itself   unfortunately it's very likely for that  they're not going to succeed because   there are different forms of lust surely there  are sexual lusts but there was also lust for food   there's a lust for speech it's a lust for honor  there are some people that i've met in my life   that literally they are like poor people  homeless people beggars looking for kavod   looking for the lusting they're lusting for  people to give them credit for what they do   oh did you see rabbi did you see what i did no no  what did you do i posted your shoe on my facebook   okay good job oh but you know that wasn't only  you i also posted rabbi mizrahi oh okay good job rabbi did you see no we just  finished the conversation   no no no but before that i wrote a  comment on one of the lectures i said that's good right yeah good good job thank you  rabbi do you think that other people notice my   comment because i put it in caps i don't know  i'm not really paying attention to it oh and it   just goes on and on and on and on and then once  they realize that you're kind of tired of it   they go to somebody else and they do torture them  too they go to their husband honey did you see   no i didn't see oh you didn't see you didn't  see that the whole house is really clean   oh you know i know this thank you thank you very  much oh you know i didn't have a cleaning lady   yeah i know you didn't have a cleaning do you  think did it if i didn't clean lady didn't do it   oh you yeah oh okay okay you know  did you like the food yes i liked   the food it was delicious thank you what  did you like about it exactly the potatoes   no i like the the broccoli ah i really worked hard  on that broccoli you know i cleaned it and they   analyzed every single thing that they have ever  done since creation just so you can say thank you thank you karla kavod this is a sad  state of existence now of course   these are very sick people and you should  pray for them but nonetheless they exist   they're everywhere there are endless amount of  people looking for credit looking for recognition   the saddest state of affairs is when those people  by some some some curse some curse on this world   are actually put in a position of power they're  a rabbinical figure they're a political figure   and unfortunately there are endless of them  endless amount of them in those positions of power   where every single thing that they've ever  done since they were a toddler and even in   their previous reincarnation is shown to the  whole world and is constantly mentioned and   constantly repeated over and over again now  again sometimes it is good to tell people   you're doing good in order to encourage them  to join you to do good but if you're simply   telling people you've done good for the sake  of getting a pat on the back enough already but that's the problem they don't see it that way  they see it in such a way where if they don't get   the credit that's due to them they can't breathe  sometimes if you're a boss of a company even if   it's a little rinky-dink company or a big company  you'll have a curse from shamayim on you you'll   have a few employees like that a few employees  like that that every five seconds hey bus   you see what i did what did you do oh you didn't  see no i saw something just tell me what you did   oh i sent the email oh okay good good  congratulations good job no no it's not   just an email i sent the email to the biggest  customer oh he's a customer now well not really   a customer he's going to be a customer but you  know think positive okay good good feel all right   yeah boss hey boss you see that no no i didn't  see i got a red response he read the email   okay great that's a good thing right oh you want  me to compliment every single thing you want me   to compliment every letter that you put on the  email for heaven's sake you think i have that kind   of time yes they do and they expect it and they  expect you to recognize that their desk is clean   and they expect you to recognize they showed up  to work on time what do you want a cookie that's   what i used to tell my employees and guess what  they did they wanted a cookie that's what people   want they want a cookie they want a colica boat a  clap for what for doing what they're supposed to   be doing for doing what you're paying them to do  not because that's what you're paying them to do   but they are that type of person where they're  literally like a toddler they cry about food   they cry about their diaper or they cry because  they want to go to sleep that's the people but   they're adult versions this is the curse this is  a curse on a person it's happened to me i'm sure   it's happened to some of you solution i have yet  to find one because you could fix yourself you   can't fix other people unfortunately this is one  of those things now the best thing you can do is   eliminate all hope that you are going to fix those  people eliminate it do not think for a moment   that you can fix your spouse or your friend or  your colleague or your employee if they're like   that person that's a beggar for honor you're not  going to fix them even if they watch the shield   a thousand times you will not fix them they  can fix themselves but you will not fix them   what can you do fix yourself fix  yourself perhaps you're impatient   perhaps you're not understanding enough perhaps  you make yourself available too much perhaps   there's something that you do that enables  them to continue being the way that they are   there surely is something there that you can  fix that could make the situation a little   more tolerable it's not easy but nonetheless  it's necessary if a person analyzes their lust   for honor they will know within a few moments if  they're like that person if they're constantly   looking for credit they're constantly looking for  recognition are you expecting every one of your   posts on social media to get a certain amount  of likes that's a sickness are you expecting   all of the people that you sent  a message to to read the message   that's a sickness are you expecting everyone  you invite to the event to actually show up   that's a sickness yes it's a sick i know it's only  courtesy and you tried and you're trying to help   people but you're not being reasonable reasonable  is understanding other people have lives too   and those lives have other branches on them other  journeys on them other roads on them that's not   just your road not just what you want when you  have a delusion that the world revolves around you   and everyone that you invite and everyone you  send an email to and everyone that you call   and everyone that you address and everyone that  you're nice to and everyone that you pay and   everyone that you donate to and everyone that you  encounter is going to have just as much love for   you as you have for them attention for you as you  have for them care for you as much as you have for   them if you think the world will reciprocate what  you give it that's a sickness perhaps it would be   nice if they did it's just not realistic it's not  a realistic thought why because the world is big   and only getting bigger that little thing  that you call the different screens that   makes every person's world infinitely bigger than  it was in the previous generation the amount of   context and and and discussions and thoughts  and different ideas that the average person has   is extraordinarily more disorganized now than it  was in the past extraordinarily more numerous than   it was in the past not necessarily a positive  thing but to truly get somebody's attention   oh you need some prayers for  that to be disappointed by people   it's a sickness and it's sickness that there's  no cure of it other than you fixing yourself   because they will surely not change you can  change yourself now again this may seem like   pessimistic it's not pessimistic it's simply  a clarification that the root of the problem   is us it's not them surely they have a problem  surely they're begging for attention and honor   and so on and so forth but are we also  we can't fix their honor can we fix ours   can we fix our lust can we fix our anger can  we fix our issues because surely if we did   something positive would come out of it now some  people have a lust for all types of intimacy   in today's world hashem ishmael betsy they have  lust for things that you couldn't even imagine they have lust for things that are despicable  disgusting according to all opinions   but some people have a lust that has  nothing to do with sex it actually has   nothing to do with touching another person  it's simply a lust to talk they like to talk   talk non-stop about what anything and they can  sit in front of their yard in front of their door   by the water machine outside smoking cigarettes  even without a cigarette and simply talk forever   about nothing anyone will ever remember and this  is a very big sickness you know there was a person   one time that literally every conversation he  would have was at least an hour so the employees   were always careful not to give him phone calls  that weren't important because they knew it's his   time was valuable and every he likes to talk a lot  so every call is an hour and that's a lot of money   one time they saw him on the phone but he finished  the call after only a half hour said hey boss wow   what are you doing fixing yourself what's going  on how come the call was only half hour ah wrong   number some people have such an issue they love to  talk but it's not necessarily fruitful talk talk   of torah talk of something that has real meaning  and real value not just for their own ego not just   for their own position and their own popularity  but rather something that's valuable that's   actually going to affect and help others not their  political opinions that no one's going to listen   to anyway not their business opinions that only  they care about not their marriage opinions but   because they're divorced five times already but  something that's actually valuable for others   most people don't talk about stuff  like that most people talk about the   things that's useless for everybody else  because their talking is a form of venting   they like to air out their problems and this too  is a sickness it's a spiritual sickness because   you're wasting a lot of time and it's actually  a lust sometimes a person has a lust for food   where they can be disciplined in a lot of  different things until schnitzel shows up   their discipline about everything until the  burger shows up and kashmir shalom it's a buffet   once the buffet comes even their wife doesn't  matter there's some people they have a lust for   food now this person has to deal with this issue  has to deal with this issue because if he doesn't   it'll ruin his life it'll ruin his life to follow  every single thing it was a student of mine says to the rabbi after he hasn't  seen him in a couple of years   and he saw the rabbi saw me gained  60 pounds in less than two years what happened to you the guy says rabbi i'm  off to dinner i understand you're often there   you're almost the entire road what do you mean  what happened as soon as i moved to america i   discovered this place called burger king and  they sell big burger for 99 cents every day i   bought 16 of them forget about the fact that  it's tariff not kosher not allowed to eat it   and shouldn't eat it even if you're  not jewish but literally a person   goes see this delicious burger only a dollar  why not two why not three hey listen maybe the   deal is going to go away by tomorrow let  me just get take some home 16 16 of them   before you know it 60 pounds later this  poor person has no idea what to do what   does he have to do he has to realize that  eating is not there for pure pleasure   you're supposed to eat in order for you to serve  hashem in order for you to function in the world   if you find yourself eating without an actual  purpose that means you're fulfilling a lust   how do you know simple you wake up in  the morning you're hungry no problem   everybody's hungry in the morning but  are you really hungry for four eggs   a piece of meat and three toasts is it  really necessary for you to eat that much   what about one toast maybe two if you're a  big person what about two eggs perhaps no meat   is it really necessary for you to eat a  piece of cow in the morning i know it's   normal in western society to eat like a whole  pig in the morning but is it really necessary even if you do it's necessary to eat a whole leg  a person has to see where is that line where it's   too much now let's say you finish breakfast and  you know that at some point you have to eat lunch   that's fine but right now it's not lunch right  now it's 10 30. you ate lot you ate breakfast   two hours ago lunch is in two three hours why are  you at the fridge now what are you looking for   gold are you looking for silver what are you  looking for a lotto ticket or a snickers bar   why do you need a snickers bar why do you need  this piece of chocolate is it really necessary   for you to eat this chocolate do you have diabetes  do you have a problem of some blood sugar issue   why do you need to eat this if a person wants  to work on themselves they have to really   think why do i need this chocolate now you could  say i want something sweet you're right i know you   want something sweet what's wrong with something  sweet nothing's wrong with something sweet unless   it's constant unless it's always unless it's too  much and if you're at the fridge not just for   breakfast lunch and dinner but it's simply one  continuous meal as long as you're awake that's   a serious problem a person has to take control  of it again i'm not one of those people that   says advocates for you to go into some crazy  exercise and spend every bit of your energy   on some treadmill and to be uh 30 pounds after uh  being fully soaked wet no you could be skinny you   could be fat but again how much of your time are  you spending eating many times people are heavy   not because they eat a lot simply because of the  way their life is they sleep very little they they   do very little activity and so on  surely no one that knows any of that many that said they were big people no one would  ever say in their right mind they eat a lot if   they eat for the whole day we'll be a surprise  there are countless stories where literally their   families would force them to eat because they  haven't eaten in a few days not because they   didn't want to eat they forgot to eat so how  do they become so heavy simply their lifestyle   but a person that is not learning to a non-stop  and is constantly looking for something sweet   constantly looking for something to eat  constantly looking for something something   ask yourself why what do you need this for and  of course all of us can handle a little bit more   control all of us can just simply stop after that  first plate all of us can do a little bit less   not because you're looking to become some runway  model shalom but just simply a little bit of   control of your body is always a good thing never  be addicted to anything it's never a good thing   now if a person analyzes their lust whether it  be for sex food honor speech and other lusts   once they analyze that this is an  issue they automatically know how   strong they are in regards to that  issue and whether they can address it   but if they simply don't want to deal with the  micro issue they don't want to deal with the issue   of the lust for food or the lust for uh speech or  the lust for the other things they want to deal   with the big issue they want to deal with lust in  general and even more than that they want to deal   with the father of the lust which is arrogance  pride because why you lost focus you simply you   want more than what what you deserve more than  what you're entitled for more than what you have   you simply think that everything belongs to you  the root of the problem is arrogant so a person   that wants to deal with the root of the problem  says it's a mistake he says it's a mistake why   he says because in healing the soul but by  doing it by dealing with a general issue   without breaking it up causes  a lack of comprehensiveness   meaning it causes when you  want to deal with the big issue   you're not really going to understand the root  of the problem you're not going to comprehend   what is causing you to have these issues what  is causing you to be angry what is causing you   to be arrogant what is causing you to be stingy  because you're not always stingy you are stingy   with certain things why are you stingy with  certain things the more you break it up the more   you'll get to the foundational issue and he says  that when a person does not understand does not   comprehend the issue that leads to a reduction in  the length of the perceptives doctor's discourse in essence he says dear doctor which is  talking about a spiritual doctor a rabbi he has a strategy for you he has a cure  he has ideas that are going to help you   improve your marriage your relationship  your your business your whatever it is   he has it by you insisting that you want  to deal with the root of all roots of the   problem you want to deal with anger in general  arrogance in general uh stinginess in general   you're actually shortening the discourse  you're shortening the treatment plan   now you would think oh if i'm shortening  it naturally that would mean that's good   that's another problem you think you know it all  because it's not good shortening the discourse   shortening the cure in this case is not a good  thing because this perceptive doctor's discourse   his purpose is to imbue his students with his  ideas in order to move them towards the good so he says that this doctor if you actually have  a doctor spiritual doctor that is helping you   that can help you whether it's a book it's a real  rabbi if it's it's a both the combination thereof   and you are skipping the steps that are necessary  to deal with your jealousy skipping the steps   that are necessary for you to deal with all of  the other issues in order to get to the end of   this treatment plan you're making a mistake of  all mistakes because the longer the treatment the better the cure unlike medicine that's  antibiotics and other types of cures   the spiritual medicine improves with time as  a side note from hashem a lot of experience   with antibiotics one diagnostician and expert  in the field told me that if you're taking an   antibiotic for some type of infection and  you don't see any relief whatsoever not a   complete relief but no relief whatsoever within  48 hours ask for a different antibiotic because   surely the one that you have is not appropriate  meaning that there is a certain amount of time   that this antibiotic is supposed to affect  your body but it's also a certain amount of   time that it's peak that shouldn't be in your  body beyond that point typically when they give   you a prescription of antibiotics typically  it's for five to ten days but if out of those   10 days you're waiting for the 10th day for it to  work you're already looking at it the wrong way   why because by the 10th day it's already supposed  to be out of your system already for a while   within two days you're already supposed to  have some type of relief not so with spiritual   medicine with spiritual medicine the medicine  improves on the third day and it's even better   on the fourth day and after ten days it's even  better and after six months it's 10 times better   than it was after 10 days and after a year it's a  million times better than it was after six months   and it just continues more and more hence the  reason why you'll see that some of the greatest stuck to their rabbi from beginning to end  never veering right never veering left hence   the reason there's a pursuit in a torah  there's a verse in the torah that when i   say just say something you don't go right you  don't go left you stick you stick with them   the tummy team of above you stuck with allah  tamidima of the banished stuck with the banished stuck with the tummy team of rabbi that you've never heard of but it was  stuck with them tooth and nail stuck with   them why because that cure when you realize  that that leader that rabbi that giant that   he has the cure it never gets old it only gets  better it only gets better with each shield it   gets better with each book it gets better  with each year it gets better and sometimes   you don't notice yourself getting better  you figure listen i've been listening to   this shooting i've been pretending to  shoot him i've been reading these books   and i feel like nothing has changed already in  two years sometimes that's simply you you're yet   you really are changing you just  don't recognize it like a little kid   doesn't recognize that he has grown because he's  comparing himself to the rest of the kids in class   not realizing that they're also growing but  if he compared himself to his old clothes he'd realize how much he grew because if he sees  the shirt that he wore or the pants that he wore   two years ago he realized they don't fit anymore  but if he's comparing himself to his surroundings   that are also growing then sometimes it's  easy for him not to think that he's growing if he's continuing to attend as she  will continue to watch the shield   and he feels right that's i heard some of these  stories i heard some of this i've heard the same   voice already for five years maybe i should  hear a different voice because he thinks he's   not growing he doesn't realize that he is growing  and the solution is ten times better and sometimes   if he really truly understands what torah is  he'll actually go back to some old chilean and   listen to them again and realize that he will see  new things from the from the old things that he   didn't see the first time but he couldn't see  the first time because he didn't have the tools   to see them the first time so sometimes a  person doesn't think they're growing because   it's the yetzara trying to tell them to go  in a different direction or wrong direction   other times it really is true they are not  going but it's not because of the teacher   rather it's because of them that they're making  certain sins that they weren't making back then   they have issues with slumbait they have issues  with allah wasting seed they have issues with   lending money with interest they have issues with  all types of things that destroy the shema or   they're not doing the requisite amount of effort  they're not reading the weekly parashat they're   not praying about it they're not crying talk of  those bahu they simply think it's just gonna flow   to them with ease the same way that it came to  them when they were an empty vessel altogether so they're right they're not growing but  it's not the teacher's fault many times   it's the student's fault sometimes it is  the teacher's fault but the point being is   is that says that this doctor his discourse has  a purpose of imbuing the students with his ideas   in order to move them towards the good  side and the medicine improves over time   but if this patient wants a quick medicine he  wants a quick fist fix to all of his problems   he just simply wants to deal with the root  of all the problems arrogance right away then surely the treatment will be a  short-lived one and the effect will be also   and therefore he says the patient  too needs each bad trait singled out   with its faults spelled out in detail in order  to search for the suitable trick for each one   in accordance with human nature and feelings  here is the fourth part of the strategy   that the khazonesh elaborates on he  says that while there's a certain   step that a person needs to do in order to  get on the right path identify the issue   separate the issues into subcategories prioritize  surely have a teacher have a spiritual doctor   that will help guide them but then they have to  also know that the issues the negative traits   they're not going to go away simply  because people complain to you about them   they're not going to go away simply  because you know that they're sinful he says that the patient needs  each bad trait to be singled out   with its faults spelled out in detail now every person you tell them listen  arrogance is a good thing no jealousy a   good thing definitely not pride good thing not  really except if you're running for president every average person that has working  brain cells you ask him if bad traits   are good i'll tell you no if you ask them a  follow-up question then why do you have it   oh you know and you have a whole book that they  could write about the reasons of why they do they   were born that way they were taught that way  this that way they did that that way okay fine   why do you still have it after  you've recognized that they're bad   oh i'm used to it and okay fine you're  used to it but stop it the truth is same thing when you talk to people that have  already heard the basics and know that the torah   forbids you from violating shabbat forbid you  from being an adulterer forbid you from being   immoral forbid you from being a cheater and a  liar forbids you from doing a lot of different   things but people do and you ask a person wait a  minute didn't you tell me that you were observing   shabbat already for a few years and didn't you  tell me that you heard the recent lecture and   you got scared and i gave you some so how do you  explain that you just spent the last two days   which included shabbat and some secular person's  house that eats whatever moves and eats what   doesn't move drives on a weekday and drives even  on yom kippur and shabbat how do you spend the   weekend in such a place without losing your mind  how do you do such a thing didn't you just tell me   that you had issues and the shaleem the  torah helped you how did you just jump back   to a life full of those  issues how the answer is that the average person when they start doing teshuva they're not necessarily doing teshuva because  they think that what they're doing is bad   where the rambam already clarifies that  there's a step one two three and four to chuva   to repenting to fixing yourself the  first step stop the sin second step   make offense so you don't sin again spiritual  offense physical friends both whatever is   necessary is a protective measure to not bring  you back to the enticement that led you to sin   third step regret the sin say  i'm sorry to hashem cry about it fourth step is commit that  you're never going to do it again   in such a fashion that akadosh baku tests you  and you pass the test and even encourage other   people to also do chuva for the same thing  that's if you really want to clean it but and a student the giant abby tuck blaser who was  the chief rabbi of uh saint petersburg in russia   one of the doleydo asked the question ask the question what's the question why is  the rambam list the apology a step number three   when our logic tells us that the first thing you  should do is say i'm sorry to god and even if it's   not the first thing it's the second thing you  stop and dance say i'm sorry you know first you   stop beating up your wife then you say i'm sorry  because if you're still if you're saying i'm sorry   while you're beating her up it doesn't really  work so good logic tells you stop say i'm sorry   or say i'm sorry then stop but definitely not  step number three why is this step number three answers and says that's because the rambam already knew the name of the  torah human nature in human nature human nature is that when a person sees  that god's ways are different than his ways   god's ways are different than her ways they see  god says keep shabbat god says be modest god says   be honest it's different than what they were it's  different they were used to driving on shabbat   they were used to walking around with  barely anything on they were used to   lying to get whatever they want now you're saying  god says otherwise fine it's convincing i'll do it they're not doing what god said  because they think that god is right   and they are wrong they're simply doing it  because it looks like another plan perhaps   a better plan but not necessarily that their  current plan was a bad one not necessarily   because their plan was the wrong one simple it's  a different direction to get to the same place   you're saying that in order for me to get more  blessing for panasan i have to keep shabbat   fine i'll try it i thought that  in order for me to make more money   and get more promised i have to work more and  work including on shabbat you're saying i need   to work less and say thank you to hashem fine  i'll do that too you're saying that for me to get   attention and for me to feel good about myself  and for me to find a good husband i have to   put clothes on i thought the opposite i thought  if i walk around with just you know a t-shirt   and that's it that's how i was gonna find a  husband i figured that everybody's gonna want   somebody like me you're saying that with a lot of  clothes on even covering my hair the whole thing   that's how i'm gonna preserve my marriage okay  i'll try it why not it's a new fashion statement   you never know you're saying that  if i'm honest with people that's   actually gonna help me in life you're  telling me that all the lies that i said   that's not the best way to get what i want you're  saying to be honest be the good guy and that's how   i'm gonna get not the bad guy fine i'll try it  and human nature is where they adopt god's plan   they observe shabbat they become more modest  and they even start saying honest things not because they're sorry not even because they  thought they were wrong simple it's just another   plan that looks better for now that's why it's  step number one to stop the plan that you're doing   adopt hashem's plan step number two make  offense structure your life in such a fashion   that you don't go back to your old plan fine  i won't go back to the nightclubs anymore   fine i won't uh tell my friends to come  over pick me up this weekend for the clubs   fine i'll close my shop not gonna put on the  internet that were closed for business on shabbat   fine that's step number two step number three  is say i'm sorry why step number three because after a person has distanced  himself from the sin for long enough   from the stench that they  have put on their neshama   the filth the tuma that they were putting into  their lives their spiritual and physical life   once they have distanced themselves away from it  for long enough the longer their their they've   distanced themselves from it the more they've  distanced themselves from it the more they start   recognizing the stench when they were living in  the garbage they didn't realize it was garbage but once they've escaped the garbage for long  enough cleaned themselves up for long enough   dressed themselves up appropriately enough rubbed elbows with righteous people for  long enough learned holiness for long enough   they look back at where they used to be  and they can't believe they didn't leave   sunnah they can't believe they used to be that  person they can't believe they still own that   filthy thing that they call the dress that in  reality shouldn't even be enough to cover an arm they cannot believe they used to go to  those places and be with those people   but that's not right away it's only after you've  exited the garbage for an extended period of time   hence the reason why it's the third  step of chuva is to say i'm sorry   it's only the third it's the third step  because a person cannot do it right away   but how does a person get to that third step how  does a person go on long enough on that journey   and not turn around okay so i got the long dress  i got the suit i'm keeping shabbat but i feel   like going to the clubs i feel like hanging out  with this chick i feel like going out with these   guys how do i not do it they need that teacher  to tell them what the cousony said over here   booby you have to understand where you  were as garbage and let me tell you why   where you were is garbage and let me tell  you why you see you came from the nightclub   you came from the casino you came from all those  places and you think it's hot you think it's good   you think it's amazing you are wrong why remember  you are only 20 one time one day you're gonna be   40 45 50 67 you're gonna be a lot of different  things hopefully because i'm sure if you don't die   right you plan to be older you're not gonna be  young twice that means that at one point you're   expecting to have somebody else in your life that  you're gonna build a life with you're not gonna be   in nightclubs forever one day you're planning that  you're probably gonna have a kid or two or more   what do you see kiddo the world is a  circle what you bring into the world   is what akadospu gives you back you  see that girl you think she's cute   she's looking at you you're looking at her all  that good stuff right that's somebody's daughter   that's somebody's daughter and guess what our  abba doesn't want your filthy palms on her if   her abba is halfway normal he doesn't want  your filthy palms on her and needless to say   he doesn't want your filthy disgusting  fuel that's in your body your adrenaline   your testosterone your filth to go where his  daughter is and needless to say not as just   a thing that you do for the night before you do  something else now you're not thinking that way   you don't think it's a big deal it's not your  fault she's a grown-up she could decide for   herself right he can decide for himself right  well guess what one day you're gonna have a kid and that kid is also going to have some  person look at them and think the same   exact thing and not care that you're their  abba and not care that you're their ima   and guess what will cry over both of  you you see you have to understand   that that little girl she could play like she's 20  and 25 but that's the king's daughter and a kadosh   sees his daughter going to that place looking  like she's looking acting like she's like   acting and he cries he cries endlessly that  she put herself in that this that situation and there's no end to those tears that i  could do cries over his daughter putting   ourselves in that situation and you know  that you went to yeshiva for a few months   and you that you know what hashem is and you  that you even know what the fast on yom kippur is   and you even said schmeichel one time you put  your paws on her and caused even more anguish   to a kadosh bauhu's daughter because she cried  over you when you didn't call she cried over you   when you weren't the one she cried over you when  she realized you just abused her she cried over   you when she realized she made a mistake but a  mistake that she cannot fix a mistake that you   cannot take back and guess what that mistake  is on your neshama and hers that will tie you   to each other forever and a kadosh mahu when he  sees you he will deal with you personally for it   because there's something that you  create every single time you act   with anything that you do needless to say  when there are two bodies that connect   needless to say when you cause  other people to do things   when you walk around immodestly and you have  guys that are married have thoughts about you   you have guys that are not married have thoughts  about you and you cause them to do certain things who sees his son just failed created  millions of demons and caused endless amount   of punishment to be brought on his own son   from his own hand because of you guess what when  he deals with them he's going to think of you   you his daughter are also the one that is  killing his son and he'll have to punish you both   now you see you can say ah i don't care  you can you can do whatever you want   but you see life goes on and you're not  20 forever and the interesting thing is   that strong guy that you were at 25 that pretty  girl that you are at 26 won't last that way one   day you wake up and you're not 25 anymore  you're not even necessarily 45 or 55 or 75   you're simply 25 in one day and like those  who decides today you're gonna lose your foot   today you're gonna lose your ability to chew  today you're simply gonna lose a few nerves in   your cheek today it's going to be a few things  to remind you that a kadosh balco is watching   he's going to try to talk to you not to punish  you to get your attention why because you got   somebody else's attention and that attention  brought a lot of negativity to the world   a lot of filth to the world a lot of tomb out  to the world a lot of things that are empty god   into the world and before you destroy the whole  world hashem has to get involved at some point with every single thing that a person does   he has to realize he when he did chuva he didn't  do chuva because he realized the root of all of   is wrong he did sure because he thought he was  going on a better path but still leaving the   old path as an option hence the reason why you  see many times young people and even older today   unfortunately play both lives they go to synagogue  they put a keeper on but they're still immodest   they observe the holidays but they still have  mixed dancing events they still walk around as   if they're like everybody else they still listen  to secular non-jewish work music or jewish secular   music and think nothing of it oh what i'm  just having a good time the rabbi of balanese lost everything became a heretic became a problem   became a murderer became a a  a immoral person with zonot says what was the root of the problem one  opinion said it was because his father   really wanted him to learn talk for the  sake of maybe making a name for himself   another one said no it's because his mom she  didn't have the right thoughts when she was with   her husband but another one said it's not this and  it's not that because that's out of his control   what his father wanted it's out of his control  what his mother thought he did something what did   he do what did elisha do he listened to [ __ ]  music he listened to the music of the greeks   when you listen to the music of the greeks little  by little you become a greek even if you keep the   keeper on even if you have a beard you still  remain a greek inside and the greek grows   along with the beard and sometimes you're going  to see young men and women pretend like they're   religious one day but act like 100 greeks the  next day not realizing the ramifications of   their actions not realizing that those actions  will lead to an infinite amount of tuma coming   to their lives destroying marriages destroying  relationships between business partners destroying   relations between other people causing death  among amish soldiers dying because of them   the amount of damage that is caused by  your average day-to-day sins is literally   infinitely greater than people can imagine but  your average person say well i didn't do nothing   and that's why the spiritual doctor that is  mentioning has to remind the person things in a fashion that he makes them realize  all of those things that are bad   the bad character traits let me explain to you  why they're bad you see your arrogance it's   bad because in essence what you're saying is  that you know better than god you're arrogant   and you think that you deserve more than  you do and in essence what you're saying   by saying that and by thinking that is that you  are smarter than god because if he didn't give you   what you think you deserve therefore he  made a mistake and you are in the right and when you say no no i didn't mean that way then  stop being arrogant because you have no reason to   stop being jealous because it didn't belong to you  if it belonged to you it would be in your pocket   and if it's not in your driveway  then it's not yours to be jealous of   if it's not your bank account  why are you looking at it   if it's not somewhat that you're married  to what gives you the right to analyze a person has to realize that what is theirs is  theirs and no power in the world can take it   away from them the moment that you are jealous  of anybody else you forfeit your right to re   resurrect with the dead when hashem eventually  does it after mashiach (moshiach) comes why   because you're a heretic because you  said that god is wrong and you are right so you see boobie when you are jealous of what  he has and she has and they have in essence what   you're saying is that you know better than god  do you really feel that way no stop being jealous   no when you're prideful you think you're better  than everybody else why because you're better   looking who invented you who created you who  gave you those cheeks who gave you that nose   oh a plastic job who made sure it worked  who gave you those eyes who made you see   would you still be as beautiful if you  couldn't see anything and you are just white   would the world be as beautiful if they  couldn't see you because you didn't exist what if there was suddenly a scar cross your face  would you still be as arrogant about your looks   what if all of a sudden you're  a little baby in your belly   and you have to gain about 40 or 50 pounds  still be you still be what if you gain more   what if it didn't go away does  that make you any less beautiful   if you're beautiful does that mean it's only a  temporary thing because beauty is not temporary you see when a person is arrogant about  something they start analyzing what they're   arrogant about and they realize that in  reality they didn't do anything in order   for them to have whatever they're having you could  say no but they worked out so what you worked out   who made that workout work there are many  people that work out and it doesn't work and even when it does it doesn't affect their body  in the same way a cadash about who blessed you   with your beauty and you're flaunting it you're  arrogant about it he gave you a gift and you're   throwing it in people's face that's the way to  behave that's how you represent the kinghood who gave you money and you're acting like  you owned the world did hashem not say um mine is the money mine is the gold  said hashem the master of legions are you like the rothschild descendant the  thought that he had so much money god could not   take it away from him only to  realize that hashem can take him from his money like he did to one very  wealthy man one of the descendants of the   rothschild family that's such a stupid thing  only to be locked in the safe over the weekend   and by the time they discovered him several  days later he was already dead inside a safe   with the blood marks on the walls  writing everything i just said you see there is nothing for a person to ever be  arrogant of because they didn't create themselves   they didn't beautify themselves they  did not make the money for themselves   every day we have 10 remembrances and one of  them is that god gives us everything that we need and therefore whatever you have is what you  need even if what you need is a lot more than   what other people need and even if what you need  is what a lot more than what you think you need   needless to say who gave it to you because  you need it in order to help others in order   to sanctify his name he didn't give you 10 million  dollars a 100 million dollars 200 million dollars   so you can buy a hundred million houses he gave  you that so you could do more in the world of   torah but instead of doing more in the world  of torah you're doing in the world more in   the world of stock markets you're doing more in  the world of gambling you're doing more in the   world of real estate you do more in the world of  enjoyment you're doing more in the world of horses   you do more in a world of physicality and  building yourself a castle in a temporary world   rather than a castle in a infinite world then  he could easily just take all of that away   and if not taking that away simply taking  you away it's just a matter of time when a person realizes that all  of their arrogance is unfounded and will only yield negative  things because their arrogance is not only going to make them unbearable  to society but the quran says and promises   that an arrogant person is despised  by god and even by his own family   even his own wife even her own husband will hate  her because she's arrogant needless to say who   will not be there with an arrogant person they can  pray to a wall and expect an answer but they won't   get an answer from god and trust me at some point  or another everybody needs an answer from god   at the hospice center everybody's  religious but the truth is when a   person is so arrogant they don't even realize  that they need anything that they want anything   because they feel like they have anything until  they see that what they have is spoiled and rotten   where their kids do not respect them and in  fact look for ways to get them out of this world   faster so they could take the only thing that they  care for which is their money and not their parent they see that people pretend to like them  simply because they want what they have   not because they care for their opinion  they're surrounded by fakers and yes men   which at one point another  becomes simply unbearable and as great as it is to have  the world hear what you say   you know that all of those that are nodding are  only nodding because they have a personal agenda   an interest and those that are not  simply don't see a benefit in doing so   and you have to simply live a fake  life a fake life that you could only   numb the pain from through fulfilling  physical desires all types of physical   desires all types of fake desires just to numb  the pain waste the time and simply wait to die now of course in the journey in between speaks  to a person multiple times to give them a chance   to turn around to change direction to recognize  their creator to do something good but sometimes   a person will have nothing good in them to do for  themselves but hashem will still use them to do   good for others and he'll even make them build a  tower in the middle of nowhere just because there   will be a righteous person that will walk past  it that needs some uh some shade a few hundred   years later so they'll still have a purpose in  the grand plan but reward they won't get for it when a person analyzes their arrogance and realize  that it's unfounded and that it only yields   hatred and bitterness from the people around  them and they can't truly say that anyone truly   loves them and that they love anyone else but  themselves life becomes purposeless very quickly   when a person chases and is able to fulfill all  of their lusts life loses its meaning even quicker   because you address one lust and that  lust creates a craving for a bigger lust   and after the second lust is is  fulfilled the craving only grows bigger   as breslav says that a person that's immoral with  themselves will eventually be immoral with someone   else and when that is not enough they'll  be immoral multiple people and when that is   not enough and they'll want something more taboo  they'll be immoral with the same gender and become   a homosexual and when that is not enough just like  the hamban said 600 years before him that person   will eventually be immoral even with an animal  just to fulfill their desire their lust today   there are over three million people in the united  states that admit to bestiality needless to say   there are many more that don't admit and needless  to say there are many more around the world   these people are not new this is already something  that we see in the torah where new buchanan and even um bilaam all  committed bestiality in the open these were people that were powerful wealthy able to fulfill every physical lust they possibly  have only to realize that all of the lusts   were simply not enough when a person looks  at the life of those people that were able   to fulfill all of their lust they always see the  same terrible endings death disease loneliness   misery now although it sounds like fun when  you're a kid and you're young and you're   clueless and you have no idea what it means  to be old and what it means to be a parent who fast forwards the the lives of such people  and makes them parents very quickly even though   the person they were lustful with has  no interest or business being a parent   a person realizes very quickly that they made  a mistake and that mistake is not an easy fix and the reality is that a  person who fills their lust   realizes very quickly that all of  their dreams and hopes have to change and they're impossible to meet and they're  impossible to fulfill and that lust doesn't   simply go away by itself because even though  now they're married and now they have a kid   they still have this desire to do unusual  things that they have no idea how to cope with   and it causes them to have their  mind in a different place than not   in their spouse which causes their  relationship to be somewhat empty and they have to go and address those  those those empty feelings in some way   whether it's take drugs or do other  things just to try to cope with the pain   that you can't diagnose  and that you can't even see   they've destroyed their mentality no less than a  drug addict does but unlike the drug addict that   you can diagnose the chemicals that are in their  body and what effect they have on them you cannot   diagnose the spiritual damage that was done on a  person that was lustful and fulfilling those lusts   but surely you can see that they always  have a inconsistent life a life that   is full of inconsistencies full of tragedies  full of sadness full of promiscuity   full of one-night stands full of tragedy  full of horrible things and that pretty face   quickly loses its value because nobody  wants the baggage that comes with it and they simply remain an image in people's minds  even though they want to be removed from the world so when a person starts to think about  the outcome of those lustful people   they no longer think of what those people  look like in the magazines but rather how   far can i run away from those people  and any resemblance to their lifestyle   when a person thinks of people that are stingy  and how miserable those people are because they   have all the gifts that are kadus who gave them  but they simply refuse to share those with others   and how much hatred they create among their peers  among the people that call themselves their family   because the kadosh who gave them allah  but they refused to share it even with   their loved ones and how disappointed  who is in them when he gave them such   a great gift and now instead of giving them a  greater gift for using the gift the right way   he has to punish them for every single dollar that  he gave them hence the reason why the khafitzhayim   said that at the end of times one of the two  groups of people that will get punished more   than everybody else will be the rich jews that  did not share their wealth with the world of torah so while many people want to admire people like   the facebook founder and the google founders  that have a lot of money and happen to be jewish   those of you that understand the  ramifications of not following the torah   realize that they are the people you  should cry about even more than yourself because when someone was gifted such a great gift   that is able to change the world of  torah needless to say the world at large   and instead of doing that they only change  whatever they feel like changing and whatever   they're changing is simply because of their own  personal opinions and their own personal lusts turns that blessing into a curse and when a person understands  what a curse from hashem means   the jealousy from those rich  people quickly dissipates   each and every single one of the bad traits that  a person has can be analyzed the same exact way   when a person looks at the ramifications of  having those bad traits any one of them they'll   realize that the end and even the journey of  having such a bad trait is always a bad one   the spiritual doctor that a person has is  not supposed to tell them that you're fine   and god loves you no matter what but  rather the opposite you're not fine   and i'm here to help you by reminding  you that that bad trait that you have   of arrogance of arguing for no reason of having  a lust to fight just for the sake of winning all of those different negative  traits that you have they're   killing you spiritually and even more so diagnosis is there the treatment is a long  one the longer it is the better it'll work   but when the patient doesn't want to listen  there's not much that the doctor can do   and therefore the kazoni says that the patient  needs these faults spilled out to them in detail   in order to search for a suitable trick   for each one because it's not easy to fool  the yetzera to simply go away and since all of the bad traits at their source are one trait  and all of the good traits are also one trait   curing one of them has an effect on the cure  of all by healing one limb the whole body is strengthened and the good trait which  includes all the good traits is elevated   well the khazuni says that even though  initially you wanted to fix the big one   you wanted to fix anger at large you wanted to fix  arrogance at large you want to fix lust at large   but the doctor said no fix what causes it fix the  small one the small things that make you angry   the small things that you crave the small  things that cause you to lose your mind   fix those one at a time because when you  fix those you'll have a domino effect   and just like one tiny little hole in  your tooth makes your entire head hurts   the second you get that cavity fixed your head  goes back it's even better than what it was before   needless to say with these small things when you  fix one small thing that you didn't even think is   important you don't even think it's a big deal  but you fix it and you're serious about it and   you're no longer stingy to that person and you're  no longer rowdy at that place and you're no longer   inappropriate with that relationship and you no  longer whatever it is with that one particular   issue it's a small minor minor minor thing but  you fixed it guess what that's gonna have a domino   effect on other things and make the other things  stronger and now you'll be more well equipped   to deal with the next one that's even bigger  and when you fix the next one that's even bigger   you'll have even more strength and more weapons  to eventually fix the big one but all of it   would have to be done not only  with instructions from the torah but instructions from the spiritual  doctors to elaborate the torah for us   in order to tell us that direction that we're  in the direction that we're on is indeed the   right direction and not just another show of  our arrogance of thinking that we know better this too will give each and every single one  of us the tools the strength the wherewithal   and the desire to serve aka an even higher level tomorrow and even for the rest of the day  today thank you very much for learning with me   bez hashem will learn again later on this week please do not forget to support share  donate and do everything you possibly can   to get other people closer to academic who  and even if we don't succeed getting others   closer at least our effort will make us closer amen so you