LOVE vs. LUST (Do You Know The Difference?)

[Music] so in our Torah modesty is King a woman that is not modest is not someone that's married just to a husband she's married to everyone that looks at her a woman that refuses to be modest is a woman that refuses to be a loyal wife why because Loyalty means you not only are going to be intimate with your husband loyalty also means that you're only going to be in the mind of your husband and not everybody else's if you allow yourself to walk around in such a way that every average Joe can imagine what you look like naked in two seconds because you've already given him half the pie you're not loyal to your husband you're loyal to the attention you like that people give you soes that she is a living seph T what is the first thing she does as soon as she realizes that her husband is down the street she immediately covers herself even more what she wasn't covered of course she was covered but she covered herself even more why I want to show you I'm ready to be married I'm not interested in anything else I'm ready to be married I'm ready to be a wife I'm not looking for attention from the Walmart clerk I'm not looking for attention from the painter oh wow it's a nice dress on you have uh Miss it's a nice dress you have Miss how many kids you have wow it doesn't look like it why are you talking to the painter why are you in the house alone with the painter where's your husband oh he's working okay so the painter should be working where he is you're not allowed to be alone in the house with a strange man I don't care if he's the painter I don't care if he's your brother not allowed so now after that understands this is this is a holy of holy so brings her into the tent of Sarai his mother he marries Rifka she became his wife and only then it says and he loved her wait a minute today's world you say wait a minute first comes love then comes marriage then comes the little baby carriage no a little song from 1920s over there love marriage baby carriage wa hold on a second it's opposite what are you doing why don't you check it out data for a little while kick the wheels a little bit see what Happ test it out no what are you doing is teaching us a lesson of Life all you youngsters before you got married you don't even know what love is you can tell yourself and her and him that you love them until you're blue in the face it means zero all you have is lust you don't even know what the definition of Love is until your first fight until you've gone through hell together until she doesn't look so good until he's in the hospital until he's broke until she's broke until something happens you don't even know what love is you don't even know what love is what I love her what love her what do you love about her what do you know about her what's her favorite color uh uh what's uh what's her dream in life uh she loves me why she love you why what makes her she makes me steak okay so does the guy at the restaurant that mean he loves you he made you steak also he loves you also she made you food that makes she loves you he makes you food that means he loves you he bought you jewelry your father bought you jewelry the strange guy that wanted to rape you bought you jewelry the Arab about your jewelry why that means I love you what's says I married RKA I married RKA then I loved her then I loved her why because Love Takes Time this love at first sight nonsense that's lust at First Sight you see somebody you want them that's lust that's K that's K it's not it's not love it's K so it's important to know the difference it's important to know the difference and we're going to go back to the same par because we're going to see how does and took this belief system this full understanding of the and utilized it with their children so the says any love that depends on a specific cause when that cause is gone the love is gone Rashi says it establishes the profound this mishna establishes the profound principle that love which is based on anything besides emotional closeness and true friendship will simply not last it will not endure superficial motivations create only temporary results what what is this like this is no different than the desire for anything else in the world even something as simple as desire for food now after you look at the steak if you haven't eaten all day if you like steak they tell you want a steak Yeah I love steak I love steak steak sounds delicious look at almost right now he's he's look he's sticking to that steak right I love steak I love steak now after you finish eating the steak all 16 20 ounces of it like it's half a cow after you finish eating the steak do you still talk about the steak and how much you love it oh wow what a steak what a nice steak you know steak what a steak I love that steak had such a good personality that steak that steak had a good personality we we we match this me and the steak I'm going to I'm going to think about the steak tomorrow also the minute you take your last bite the minute you take your last bite that steak is already a forgotten memory it's a famous funny saying but it's true a lot of musar from is saying there's a fishermen like fish does a fisherman love fish do a fisherman love fish you ask every fisherman in the world what's your favorite thing to to do fish what do you love fish what do you eat fish wait hold on a second if you love The Fish why do you eat them I'm sure preceded this saying once heard a few people talking and they were talking about nonsense they were talking about food and one of the guys said I love chicken I love chicken who is a living truth says you don't love chicken if you love chicken you wouldn't eat it you wouldn't Slaughter it you love yourself you love that it makes your fat belly fatter that's what you love the chicken if you love The Chicken why you killing it why you slaughtering it yeah but it's kosher okay it's kosher doesn't mean you love it though oh okay you could justify it as much as you want maybe the chicken wants to eat you y also the chicken is going to come to you and say y I'm GNA eat you I love you I love you I'm gonna eat you fish the F so the line says let me eat you I love you I love you love you we don't love chicken we don't love fish we love what they make us feel which is no more hunger that's what we love as soon as we finish eating them we never thinking about them again there's never a person on Earth that's a normal person I'm talking about normal people of course there's an exception to every case there's always going to be an unusual circumstance I'm not talking about those crazy people I'm talking about regular people regular people if there's some left in the world no one talks about the meal they had on Monday three months ago oh you know three months ago I had the steak and it had this inch over on it or something and it had this mushrooms on it and it had the on it and it had vegetables on it and it had this on it no one talks about that why he's talking about the steak he wants to eat now he forgot about the steak from three months ago because once the desire is satiated it's finished it's gone the feeling is gone it's like it never happened that's lust that is lust that is exactly that satiation of hunger for food is no different once it's satisfied once the hunger is satisfied it's no different than lust being satisfied and that's why people get divorced the r Shalom says marriages that break up marriages that break up it's only because people confuse lust with love that's it it's the only reason why marriage is break there's nothing else there's no other reason no but we had different beliefs okay so why didn't you figure that out before you got married oh he he he likes men okay so how come he married a woman oh she likes dogs I don't want dogs so how come you didn't figure it out before you got married how come she doesn't like you more than the dog and to say you know what I like dogs but I love you so the dog can stay in the picture the dog can stay in my neighbor's house why doesn't she have love for you more than the dog why does she have why doesn't he have more love for you than his career and people when you ask them those questiony they take a person like you're attacking them why you attacking me no why don't you ask those questions before you got married because our says that if if you have a mate that means that hasem himself put it together so now this mishna is trying to teach us something that most of the8 billion people in the world and all of the ones that live before them and unfortunately many of the ones that will live after them will never know even though they're convinced they know it which is the real definition of love something that's as basic as air something that's as basic as food we should know what love means unfortunately we don't if we did divorce would not exist if we did there would never be fighting if we did disputes would rarely occur that are I'm not talking about disputes on minimal things or even things I'm talking about disputes that are break relationships up so the problem is that most of us Define lust as love we Define lust as love we Define a desire as an emotional state of mind desire is a something that you have that's temporary until it's satiated it exists once that satiation wears off it comes back again that's a desire as soon as it's satisfied it's it's as if it never existed once you eat it's as if you were never hungry once you have sex it's as if you were never hot and you never really needed it and it was never like who are you again what are you doing in my house this is this is desire this is pure lust it's when it's fulfilled it's as if it never existed existed and quite frankly sometimes it actually makes you disgusted of it disgusted that you have had this desire love on the other hand love is something that does not go away love is not something that's temporary love is not something that is based on anything love simply exists once you know what it is it simply exists without conditions love is much easier for for a woman to understand because every normal woman has it for her children the feelings that a woman has for her children not always a father the feelings that a woman has for her children are unexplainable the fact that she's willing to die for a kid even though he curses her out is not a normal thing if somebody cursed out a guy the first thing they would get is the the five fingers that he has in his right hand most guys don't want anyone to curse them out or yell at them and if they had the ability they they'd react physically if that person is their son or daughter they may not get physical but they'll definitely say something not always with a woman not always with a woman sometimes the nastier the child is the more she loves him the more she loves her the more she feels bad for them oh he's confused confused oh she's confused oh she doesn't really know what she's saying no she knows she's telling you all those things she means it no no she doesn't mean it why why do you say she doesn't mean it it doesn't make any sense that she you're saying it doesn't mean it just because she's your daughter no you don't understand she's not my daughter she's my body she's not my daughter never no man is ever going to understand the love of a woman to their child children she's not my daughter he's not my son he's my body he was inside my body he was an organ like my hand like my head like the brain like the heart you cannot tell me what my brain says he's in the brain is inside me you can't tell me stop loving your brain it's really mean to you what do you mean it's my son it's my it's the same thing so that's what men generally do not and cannot understand cuz they cannot give birth thank God but that's also why women have a much easier time understanding what love is but also an easier time confusing it too it's easy for them to understand it because they can understand the irrationality of love that's not based on anything but it's also very easy for them to become irrational themselves men on the other hand are more rational beings that things need to make sense things need to make sense in most cases so when they see a wayward child and the Torah says yeah we killed that wayward child guys don't have a problem with that you see there's a there's a par in a tah says there's a kid he's younger than 13 years old he's 12 11 years old and he overeats and he drinks alcohol and he's bad to his parents he doesn't want to listen to anyone to says we kill him we he's before though we kill him it never actually happened in reality some say it did but the point is we kill him according to the Torah if there such a child existed at the time of M time of they would kill him even though he's only a minor why because they say if he's like this now again against his own parents he goes and curses his own parents it's only a matter of time before he becomes a sinner against God so it's better we kill him while he's still innocent against God because that's a crime you can't you can't just fix by saying I'm sorry now you tell this story to men they don't have a problem with it for the most part unless they're feminine they're noit unless they're feminine and they they they think no there are some men that are feminine they're more emotional and so on and there you will have more of a problem with it but most men will not have a problem with the story with the logistics of the story yeah the kids's rotten kill him what's the problem like they're like think it's like they it's God what's the problem a law just like eating kosher what's the problem anyone has no problem with this law women on the other hand cannot get themselves to think about this why what do you mean you're going to kill a son you're going to kill a child because he's a bad kid immediately they minimize it why because to them the child is his mother's organ it's a body part it's not a different it's not separate it's not separate like it's it is for the father so that's why it's something that the women understand the irrationality of love while men have to work on it a little more [Music]