IS USING CONTRACEPTIVES CONSIDERED WASTING SEED?

[Music] contraceptives is a uh very important topic because we see that in the rambam the and all of the Pim there is no leniency to have an abortion unless there's P unless there's a life risk unless the mother is going to die if she delivers the baby there's also no leniency which means that you can't just have a uh kid uh immediately right away sometimes because if the woman is not healthy and hard getting pregnant is going to put her in danger then what do you do if you can't kill the baby what do you do on the same token there's no leniency as far as wasting seed not let the waste seed so what can you do now wearing a condom is asso it's not allowed and the reason why is because a condom is a contraceptive that destroys the seed so it's 100% wasting seed ejaculating outside of the woman's body is also 100% asso 100% forbidden no permission to do either one of those now what happens when a man is married to his wife they just had a kid and uh a couple of months have passed after she delivered the baby she now went back to the mik she's tah she's healthy but uh she's able to uh be intimate with her husband but she's not able uh to to have a child it's dangerous for her to have a child so what do you do so there are a couple of things that are allowed of course you always have to get rabinal permission you have to have a that knows you well tell you that you're allowed but this is generally accepted uh things one at that time a woman is allowed to uh take the pill because the pill does not destroy the seed 100% And it's not destroyed on the male side it's destroyed on the female side and two there's also a suppository or different types of gels that the woman can put in her area that will allow her to uh to be intimate with her husband but also decrease not eliminate but decrease the chances of this consummating into a child that's allow that's allow but again it's allowed under rabinal supervision meaning not that the rabbi has to go into bed with you shom it says believe it not you have to explain this stuff one woman came to my one woman one woman came to my raban came to my wife and uh told uh you know I'm kind of nervous I'm going to the mik for the first time I said why are you nervous she said why are you nervous she goes oh they got to check me what do you mean to check you she thought that the Bika Clause the woman over there checks herself she didn't know anything about that you check yourself nobody touches you Shalom so people don't know this stuff what's common sense to the religious Jew is not common sense to the average person so and sometimes even religious Jews don't know because they don't learn all this stuff point being is that what rabinal supervision means is that you have to go to and ask for permission of being allowed to use this you can't just use pills or uh different types of uh uh creams or suppositories for the women whenever you feel like it because you don't feel like having a kid you have to be allowed to not have a kid meaning that you having a kid right now would be dangerous so perhaps she just had a baby a couple of months ago so it's it's a commonly accepted for you to wait a year to two years between children how do you decide whether it's going to be a year two years or even less all depending on the health of the woman if her physical and mental health are okay she could have a baby right away if she wants there's no like she has to wait a year or two years if she's physically and mentally healthy she could have a baby right away but if she's not she's a little older perhaps and it takes her longer to recover or she's younger but she's weak or whatever the case is and it takes her two years to recover the gar says it could take up to two years for a woman's body to recover from a uh from giving birth so you have up to that two-year Mark according you have to get verification again from that that knows who you are that says okay you're allowed we'll review again in six months we review again in a year not just like blanket statement good luck have fun see you in two years like your passport you check it once every 10 years no we don't do that in Judaism you have to regularly meet with this to make sure that everything is still okay she still is not able and so on and so forth but if a person if she's physically able and there's nothing mentally wrong with her but she doesn't have amuna or her husband doesn't havea because he says listen we already have a boy and a girl why do we need another kid for it's like can't we just get a dog it's cheaper that's forbidden that's forbidden you're not allowed to uh to just not have kids not allowed to have just not have kids you're supposed to have kids you're supposed to reproduce now if it's a bigger problem if you don't have both a a boy and a girl there's more leniency for people that have a boy and a girl because they fulfill the Mitzvah of pu pu is having a boy and a girl but if you did not fulfill the MIT you have much much more stringency meaning much more limitations point being is that you have to go with a that's an expert in this field not just anybody that has a Shool your local Rabbi may be a nice guy may know a lot of may know a lot of different things but this may not be his expertise you have to go to somebody that's is very good at this specific area uh and is not a pushover also you has to have he's not going to tell you whatever answer you want you want to be told because it's a very very touchy subject and it's very dangerous there's a few people that we've helped over the years with this issue and is a it's helped them a lot because it's again it's a subject that's not uh not very uh easy to talk about it's not very uh comfortable to talk about it sometimes but nonetheless it's a very very critical part of Judaism also another issue is that you have to make sure that uh your wife is not scared of you if you are a husband that scares his wife the gar says for sure your wife will end up violating the entire Torah because of you why some husbands are want to be mucho so they like to yell at everybody in their house so their whole house is scared to death of them as soon as they uh the husband comes to the house everybody's scared to death everybody becomes like soldiers so this is a problem why because what ends up happening is that the woman has to go to the mik every month now sometimes stuff happens and she forgets or the place is closed or something happens and she doesn't go and if she's scared of her husband she's not going to tell him the truth oh listen honey I I didn't go to the mik today well I'll go tomorrow why cuz she's scared he's going to you know hang her like a picture because he can't touch her until she goes to the mik so what happens she tells him no no everything is good let's have fun right let's have fun mitvah mitvah what mitvah it's a touch and he touches his wife's finger even when she didn't go to the mik it's so now when the wife is scared of the husband she's not going to tell him same thing is is if a wife is scared of the husband she's also going to violate shab says why because sometimes something happens and the pl gets turned off by itself if she's scared of the husband what she gonna do she's gonna turn it back on on Shabbat why because she's scared if he wakes up in the morning and the food's not ready he's gonna cook her because she's scared of him so what does she do she sees in the middle of the night that the food is not hot because the plot that turned off or it broke or something happened she'll turn it back on and violate Shabbat for him guess why that's ass that that food becomes ass it's like eating T So a husband needs to know that yes you're supposed to make sure that your house is Led with but not the husband not supposed to be scared of the husband supposed to you know have your house in a certain way but nonetheless this also means that your wife has to be comfortable to talk to you and to the rabbi about these specific issues that are uncomfortable but if you have one of these relationships where your wife doesn't talk to you about anything about her because she feels like when every time she said something to you you start acting like a little boy and treat like as if it's disgusting or you don't really want to know what's happening with our private part because you only need to know what to do and not necessarily what happens there this is a problem why because she needs to talk to somebody now David was the rabbi even though he was the king he was the Rab in the community that would check theik cloth a woman sometimes checks and she doesn't know she doesn't know if she's nid or not because it's a Certain Shade of color that's questionable so what happens when it's questionable you have take it to you take this cloth take a and usually do it anonymously where you leave it at a certain area you leave you come back the next day and you pick it up no one knows it's you may all most Jewish communities have this so was the one that would check theik cloth to show you how great this mitvah is of being a in this specific area and knowing what to do and how Shalom never to be disgusted or anything like that again this may not necessarily be the most ideal conversation uh for husband and wife but nonetheless it's very important for the wife to feel comfortable with the husband uh about these issues or at least for the husband to provide a community and a place where the uh the wife is not uncomfortable or by herself because what's going to happen is that the wife will eventually end up becoming uh so uh you know nonchalant about it she'll end up not going to the mik at all now if people don't think this is a problem there was a research that came out of the modern Orthodox community in 2017 and that said that out of his research that he did 48% 48% of modern Orthodox meaning the so-called religious so-called religious but modern Orthodox Jews 48% do not go to the mikve that means that 52% go to the mikve 48% don't go to the mikve that means that half the kids coming from the modern Orthodox world are coming from nid this is a disaster this is like you brought a a a a a idol into the bet mikdash the is so critical that it's the only thing that the bedin will give a person a a get on the spot meaning if a guy comes to the bedine says listen I don't want to be with my wife anymore why why don't you want ah she makes me angry well sorry that's not a valid reason to get her divorced go back fix it go to a rabbi I'll give you some counseling go back to your wife oh I don't like my wife why she spends too much money that's not a valid reason go try it again oh I don't like my wife she doesn't want to keep Shabbat sorry it's not a valid reason get her do CH come to RAB ruin with her she'll do CH after a week but what if you come to your Rabbi and say listen bed my wife doesn't want to go to the mik on the spot they give him a get on the spot they give him a Why without her going to the mik there's no marriage there's no marriage there are exceptions to the case that have been done randomly but generally speaking that's the way the bed is bed sees a wife doesn't want to go to mik there's no marriage no marriage at all why can't touch our finger even which means that if people are openly admitting to being shabat but at the same time not going to the mik we have a very very serious problem in the religious community and non-religious community in the whole Community because when a person is with his wife and she's nid creates a very problematic child plus a very problematic so in regards to contraceptives in regards to that whole issue there's a sh I did called kosher intimacy watch that sh because intimacy is something that has to be uh very something a person needs to be very careful with uh we're not the uh we're not uh people that just do whenever we feel like it we're not animals uh it's even a important to know that there are certain consequences for doing certain things for example I heard fromo that uh thear says actually that uh I think zor says that um the rambam writes that it's not allowed for a man and his wife to be together during a day with certain exceptions if he's a he knows how to darken the room and he knows not to do it ever again like that there's a permission to be together during the day but that's only for that knows the certain exceptions and only a one off situation but generally speaking not allow to be with your wife during a day but he says what if somebody does it during a day but follow suit follows the AL darkens the room it's the same thing as if it's dark outside doesn't make a difference the room is so dark you don't know if it's dark or it's light it's nothing he follows suit and he's with his wife during the day the says okay you could do it but just let you know the kid if a kid comes out of it that kid will suffer his whole life all types of suffering money problems health problems all types of problems why is it the kids's fault it's not the kids's fault he did something in his previous Carnation that he deserves to suffer you did something in current carnation a so that's why you get the kid mix and match like a puzzle a puzzle you did this okay so that's the kid that's going to come to you fits that's the kid that comes so there are certain things that are allowed but not recommended there's a where there's a woman that uh if there's a war and they uh you conquer the enemy and uh you know when you're in war everybody's a bunch of guys everybody's got their homones through the roof and one you know the soldiers see a beautiful woman they're not uh looking listen are you dating anyone they're not asking that they just killed our husband like you know two minutes ago so says that if you see a woman that's beautiful at the end of a war after you won the war and uh you see a beautiful woman that husband is dead family is dead you are allowed to convert her marry her so David one of his 18 wives was like this but then the son that came out of it was AB Shalom who tried to kill him when he grew up so DAV cried to Hashem hasm how come you gave me such a k wants to kill me Hashem tells David look what you did you married a woman that's a uh Woman as a result to the B he goes yeah butm you allowed it you wrote it it's allowed to do this he says yeah I wrote it's allowed but it's not recommended look at the very next thing that I put in my Torah right after the uh issue the explanation of the woman from the battle right after it I say what I say that there's going to be a wayward child the reason why they're connected to each other is because if you do this with this woman a wayward child will come from there so yeah there are certain things that are allowed but not recommended not recommended and this happens a lot in life there's a lot of things that are allowed but not recommended um and that's what a person needs to know that's how you measure your and also your Torah knowledge if if you going anywhere that there's has a kosher sign uh you're probably doing a lot of things that are not recommended and sometimes not even allowed you know sometimes you go to a wedding and it says kosher on the kitchen but the only thing that's kosher is the kosher the sign itself is kosher the food itself not Kosher you know because they don't know anything and they cook on Shabbat the owner is Shabbat they no one really watches where he get the meat maybe got a discount from the Arabs and that's what happens so the only thing that's really kosher is the sign not the food [Music]