If You Look For Me, You’ll Find Me. (12 minutes)

I got to a point where I couldn't walk I had to use a cane and uh I became very antisocial I would see my parents maybe once every few months I wouldn't answer any phone calls business was going downhill problems were going uphill all of a sudden the government started taking interest in some articles that I wrote about them calling them out for being cheaters and Liars started auditing my firm and if even though they couldn't find anything because bash everything was kosher I couldn't stop them from torturing me and they pretty much parked in my office after they finish one audit they bring another audit at one point I think it was in 2009 or 2010 I had six simultaneous audits six audits at the same time which only firms like Goldman Sachs and Maro Lynch would have and and even they wouldn't have six of them at the same time that was a tiny little firm I mean we were making money but relative to the real firms nothing when Hashem wants you to get back to Earth he has his ways and one of the things that I didn't realize is that the same one that brought me into this world is the same one that's doing it he didn't forget me he doesn't hate me he's trying to save me buts the pride of man will be his downfall my Gava was my Skillet my ability my money why should I worry about anything Hashem gave me something to worry about eventually I gave in and I said you know what I got to go to this guy God answer my prayers I started praying didn't work I said somebody recommended this ra to go to all these religious people that would come to my office had no recommendations whatsoever they just hope that I continue give the money still didn't tell me there's anything wrong with my life so I went to sh every Tuesday in the beginning maximum I would survive 5 minutes 5 minutes fall asleep couldn't take it it was very interesting but there was so many sins on my soul there something called a kipa a peel a shell that's around your soul every time you you make a sin which makes it very very difficult for you to learn to when you have a lot of sins and a lot of impurity especially if it's wasting seed especially if it's Shabbat major sins develop a shell around your soul so you can't learn to like you want to I was a and everything else you give me a company I could tell you exactly how much it's worth you give me a business I'll tell you exactly how to fix it how to grow it how to market for it in that world I was better than anybody else I knew I'm sure somebody else better exist I just didn't know them to World 5 minutes next week 5 and A2 minutes next week capped out at 6 so I started forcing myself to stay up I said you know what I'm going to write down every single thing he says if you keep moving you have to stay up so I started writing everything he says this was RAB a pinto in the city it's very interesting but I still didn't do cha here and there I started doing giving some whatever I had money was running out the door faster than I can count but anybody needed help and I had had some money I'd give it to them never really meant much to me as far as money just lik making it eventually the health again started deteriorating again to the point where I wanted to commit suicide I got to my limit obviously Hashem knew and that's when the first miracle happened my mom saw me in a really really bad condition and your mom's know exactly who you are without you saying a word she knew that I don't have much time left at least not psychologically so she decides to take one of these books that she has these phone books that she has she collected the rabbi's names from all over the world with phone numbers and she starts calling every single Rabbi in the book for almost two hours she's calling rabbis but nobody's answering the phone today then she reaches a number in Israel different country a woman answers the phone she asks for a certain RAB and the woman says I'm sorry it's the wrong phone number there's no such Rabbi in Hebrew my mom breaks down and starts crying to the strange lady over the phone and then hasem shows us himself and the woman says do which is my mother's name she who is this how do you know my name she dialed the wrong phone number in a different country and she got to not only a person that knows who she is recognizes her voice which is not very easy by the way especially she never talked to each other on the phone in their life but is also the only person that can help and she says who is this she goes this is Pina your niece how do I get to you I don't even have your phone number we've never talked on the phone she says I don't know but if you got to me then obviously hasem has a reason why are you crying she tells her the story my son is dying I need some help I need to speak to a rabbi she says why don't you uh talk to my brother RAB FR it's a big although very young he's extremely accomplished he's written six books by the time he was in his early 20s he's one of the of he finished the four before he was 20 this is somebody special this is one of these people that's not from this world not from he's the wrong generation why don't you talk to him these extra facts I added that I know about him but she said he's I found the I find out these facts later she says will he talk to me she goes yeah of course you're uh do Dori is from America you're uh the ant dor is from America of course you're going to talk talk to you you're a famous ant from America so she calls Rim is in Call Of course like a that he is but he calls her back and she starts crying to raim now I did not know that R exists because when I left Israel he was still a child he was born maybe a couple years before he's younger than I am I didn't know he existed I didn't know anything about him and he didn't really know much about me so he ask my mom does he speak Hebrew and she says yes he speaks a little he speaks Hebrew okay so can I call him she goes no he won't talk to you Bailey talks to us Bailey talks to his own family and at that very moment which I find out later I call my mom for the first time in years the real reason of why I called my mom is because I figured that if I'm going to commit suicide I should be nice to my mom for a little while I got to my Peak called my mom my mom is hysterical crying and she says talk to him and I said to who she's hysterical talk to a FR who's what do you want me to talk about why are you crying with what do this do that you're crying because of him no he could talk to him he could help you he can help you I said okay anyone you want can just call me just stop crying so ra calls me he tells me the story of Judah and Tamar I find it very interesting I start asking him questions questions I had my whole life and for the first time in my life I get answers but not just answers I get answers with sources if you ask me a question sometimes I'll provide you a source sometimes I'll tell you I'll get back to you but he was something different a spot and not only that when I would ask a question he'd make me feel good about it I'd ask a question oh yeah this Rabbi asked the same question as you 852 years ago in this book on this page this paragraph and it gives me exactly what it says how do you remember the page who thinks about the page I thought I was smart this guy was an alien so then I ask another question goes oh what a great question makes you feel so good like I'm like yeah of course I ask the same question of course what do you mean I'm from Wall Street of course I ask the same question as the rambam little do I know that I'm closer to being a monkey than the rambam oh yeah this Rabbi asked the same question 412 years ago on this page this paragraph this pinic and I ask everything so first conversation was very nice an hour and 40 minutes the following week he calls me Thursday 4:00 we have a conversation for 3 hours same thing questions answers sources following week Thursday 4:00 5H hour conversation following week Thursday 4:00 7h hour conversation straight whole time to but questions about everything business money dinosaurs science anything you can think of I couldn't believe it I was getting answers it was like a high something like unbelievable the pain all of a sudden was not relevant I didn't care I was in pain not pain it's getting answers finally you're finally finding the reason for even being in this world you're finally getting answers getting answers for anyone that hasn't gotten answers in their life you have to try as AEM says to us inph chapter 4 if you look for me you'll find me but only if you look for me with all of your heart and all of your soul you can't look for hem like a cat you look behind the garage oh he's not here we're going to buy another one it's not fish you look in the aquarium ah he's not there I think maybe he died no Hashem is the purpose of life Shem is everything you have no hasem you have nothing kill yourself to find AEM you have no hasem you have nothing I had Millions I had nothing with the millions in the bank and still having nothing still being depressed still being miserable every day reason why I worked so much is to escape the misery I actually lived you've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by tor anytime.com