How to Return a Child That Is Gone Off The Derech (OTD)

[Music] I mean it's it's 100% you have to try to do everything you possibly can to motivate him to come back and you have to in order to do that sometimes it's can't really come from you meaning that you have to Mo motivate him indirectly like for examp example uh some of the people that are most important to me weren't religious just like I wasn't religious now if I came to them originally I told them listen you should start keeping Shabbat would you become a rabbi who are you to tell me to become Rel just because you started keeping Shaban I'm going to keep Shaban just because you're doing this I'm going to do this who are you to tell me you just became religious last week you going tell me now they wouldn't take it for me and I understood this quickly early on cuz I tried influencing some people and like they like laughed in my face so I gave up very quickly but I realized that it's still very important for me for them to come back to Hashem because I finally realized and saw the truth so I would try to influence them indirectly how is it indirectly by giving me a CD get a somebody else to talk to them get the rabbi to talk to them get the school to talk to them get the friend to talk to them get someone else that they are they would look up to that's one way the second thing is is trying to find out what's the root of the of cause of their behavior So In traditional places it's like traditional cases not all cases but in traditional cases it's their surroundings so for example if you send a kid to a school that's uh comprised of a bunch of secular kids naturally he's going to want to be secular if you send him to public school he's going to want to be like the go why would you want to be Jewish in the public school I actually know two kids that are really religious that go to public school uh because unfortunately the Yeshiva system where they live is horrific and they refuse to let anyone in without having money like they just don't they can't afford it um but I don't know it's a I find that horrific I think that any school that rejects a kid because of money is should not be a school because they're not doing they're doing it as a business it's not Judaism you know yes of course you have to make money you have to put a roof on everyone you have to pay the teachers I'm not saying that Yesa should be free or anything yeah of course if it cost money it cost money but to reject a kid because of money you're sh you're a wicked person so a uh key key important thing is that I saw that there it is possible to have a religious kids go religious kid go to public school but it's very not uncommon very uncommon don't try this at home type of thing now most kids that go to public school want nothing to do with Judaism why because they feel embarrassed by their friends and a kid that's 13 years old is highly motivated by his surroundings much more than an adult he doesn't have his own unique opinion yet he has an opinion but that opinion is a reflection of his exterior so that exterior most of the time comes from his friends the other place that it comes from is from huh he's been MJ the so but the uh I mean with rin's son that's what I'm saying he's totally with the whole thing and to against and he went he but who decided whether he goes to public school or not talk about he can't go to he's living with his father okay so that's the thing so he has an influence of father I don't I don't know if to because he's going against the way he is and chose it on his own to do this so that's what I'm saying I don't know if I supposed to continue speaking to this kid or just let it go because says you're not I did what I had to do I've beenis him years yeah I mean you have a situation you have a situation that's different than the uh thing okay so if let's say for example the parents were still married and you were still under the same roof as the child both parents which means that the influence of both parents is United uh you would still be responsible as much as possible to influence him as long as he's under your roof but as soon as he moved houses and he lives with his father which obviously is a primary influence in his life you could try to influence him if it's possible but it also says certain places that if it's a uh you know certain things certain times where you're wasting your time meaning that if you know that someone is not going to listen to you don't bother telling him now some people take this specific from the where if you know someone's not going to listen just don't bother telling them a little too far meaning that they say listen I'm not going to tell the guy to violate Shabbat to keep Shabbat because he's just not going to listen so why bother but that's not true that's not what the what's not what the gar says the gar says that if it's something that's not from Biblical it's if it's something that's rabinal meaning if you see that he is a uh for example he's um he's making any type of rabinal sin and you know that if you tell him listen you know what you really should do you really should do you know he's come on leave me alone if you know he's going to say leave me alone don't bother telling him because why because it's a rical sin but if you see the guy driving on Shabbat but that's a Biblical sin you have to tell him something so people take this too far and that's one of the excuses that people use as to not tell not to rebuke the people around them but this also brings us back to that we talked about before which is that hasem destroyed the bet mikdash because everyone mistranslated this and got to a point where they said you know what they're not going to listen anyway so I'm not going to say anything and this is the reason why Hashem punished the rabbis before he punished the secular people during the times of bet mdash uh so on that end if it's United house you'd still be responsible if it's not a United house if it's you know it's unfortunately a broken house where he has the primary influence in his life is his father and your opinion is virtually worthless at this stage this is very little you can do the one thing I would definitely uh suggest for you to do is just like Hashem did not give up on us don't give up on him completely always try but try with like you know small little tidbits little grains just like David says eventually you're going to yield the benefit out of these grains out of these seeds that you plant you can plant seeds here and there so okay so it's not everyday listening you should keep Shabbat you should do this you should stop this you no not every day because then it's not gonna want to talk to you it's D against you but when you go if you see him give him a CD it doesn't matter if he listens to or not just give him the CD he said no I don't want to see okay just take it just in case take it just make your mom happy for 5 seconds by taking a CD even if you know for sure it's going to throw it in the garbage don't worry I'll pay for it give him the CD next thing after that don't ever stop praying for him don't ever stop praying for him why because if you look at everyone today that's like the biggest B serious most serious B who is it younger generation you see their parents none of them are religious sometimes you have a religious parent but for the most part parents sometimes I have one guy one student Russian guy did got married the guy was atheist before me atheist I'm much atheist came to me started doing ch started M like started learning every day one day he tell calls his mom lives in Israel tells her IMA listen she wanted to let you know that you know you're going to come visit me I keep Shabbat she say m what are you doing that what do you mean no I last 6 months I've become religious she start crying on the phone goes I would have preferred you tell me that you're addicted to cocaine instead that's his parents that's so the problem is that you have some serious B Chua in the world today you look at their parents like whose Merit is it you know it say the Merit of the parent look at the parents sometimes the parents are the worst people on Earth so what is it the Merit of some grandparent some great grandparent that didn't stop praying for that kid and the kid died without doing Chua but hasm said for that prayer has to go somewhere so I promise you that at some point that will do chuva it'll come back in a g cuz you can't go to G then yes come back come back in Google eventually he's going to do CH why for the prayer from five generations ago one of the biggest things I can tell you me from myself for example the number one reason that motivated my Chua I think and only Merit that I have is my mother's prayers my mother prayed for 10 years 10 years for me to do Chua I mean the amount of prayer that this woman made and it's not like she was like a raban or anything but she believed that I could do chuva why I have no idea she has dreams she has this she has that I don't know all I know is that she didn't stop praying for me I was with my wife at the time that wasn't Jewish for a long time she it's not going to say listen leave her she knew I wasn't going to leave her on top of that she could have not like her she's the most likable person on Earth on top of that she's the only person that cared about me while I was sick and and miserable and wanted to kill myself with all the uh sickness that I had so you can't really go against her you can't really say much to me like the last thing I want to do is start keeping Shabbat I'm dying from pain right now leave me alone so what do you do what do you have left to do pray to hasem Hashem save this kid doctor say he's [Music] dying save him she didn't stop praying for 10 years but prayers with te tears and tears and tears and tears the woman didn't stop crying she called or went to every single Rabbi I know of I mean I could think of she went to Israel she went to Morocco she went to All Over America she called every Rabbi she has a book a black book full of rabbis names like you would think this ISO it's like you think this is like some major raban knows like everybody in the world she any Rabbi that had a name she found out she called him and she didn't stop calling him until he answer the phone finally or he called her back finally when he call back okay G what could I do for you what do you want pray for my son who's your son SC she'd give him the whole story and start crying to them and crying to them and the guy would start crying with her you see this woman this poor woman is crying for her son so much you feel bad they start crying with her she's crying they start praying one time this uh big Rabbi this big mekubal in uh NATA gave her shock she went this is long time ago and uh she waited online and this specific Rabbi doesn't see women doesn't see women holy holy person usually the women see his you know his wife but she was waiting waiting and she saw him passing and she started screaming to the rabbi please please answer me answer me she started like hysterical crying she really believes in Rabbi she really is values theik and not she doesn't pray to rabbis but she values them she values their Tor he started hysterical crying that he stopped he didn't turn around start talking that he stopped just to hear what you know what she says and she started crying hysterically pray for my sons pray for my son my son my son my son my son only thing he said I don't know I don't know what he knew or he didn't know I don't know what he knew all I know is that what she told me is Shak he said your son has to do CH son has to do CH that's that's all he said left that's the Cure so a mother's prayers has no end all of the Gates of Heaven can be closed except the tears for the mother that prays for a son so as much bitterness as he's creating in your heart he's still your son you know it I know it as annoying as he is as frustrating as he is as frustrating as his father is his frustrating as his surrounding is doesn't make a difference in the end you're still going to cry over him so might as well pray to hm while you cry is listening because he's also his son I've been and I have so don't give up don't give up don't give up listen if I could do Chua anybody in the world could do Chua if I could do I'm telling you you are not this is what I want to tell because not religious right you were not born religious or raised religious zero my son was born and I taught him since he was born and he went to mtj for8 years he has the to go to mtj and to be around her and his children and grandchildren and everything most people don't have that so I'm thinking to myself he had all that and he still decided to go against I don't know thing is you not ever knowing and then you know what I'm saying but somebody that knew and knows everything know heaby years okay I'll give you some hope evil always in the end destroyed because he's right now one he's only 13 he's only 13 Even I was right he said I was right speak to him time son like what he's a makes listen won't listen is not a big deal okay but I'm saying what does he do that so against the toah like what I'm not don't K people not like that but it's like he will not I don't care about Shas I don't care about does he does he is he homosexual I'm asking you for a reason I'm not trying to make don't I okay is he okay does he does he uh do any make any sex crimes he's I don't why am I asking you these questions hold on why am I asking you this questions why am I asking you this question to happen that's what I'm saying okay one time there was a big tadik one time there was a big sadik such a big sadik that he made the entire nation learn toah full time to such an extent that hem said Hashem said if I would to decide to bring the Messiah he would be the mashia his name was t one of the 24 books of of the Tor talks about the story ofal he was the king of Israel and he was a sadik to such an extent that he said he put the sword down he dug it into the ground he said whoever doesn't go learn T I'm going to kill him you have no choice you have to go learn toah to such an extent that even the babies the one the 18month old babies knew the entire mishna by heart to that extent we don't know the entire mishna by heart we're 80 years old a little babies no 18 months to that extent now one day the prophet comes to him and says tomorrow you're going to die tomorrow is your last day you got sick tomorrow you're going to die so he said why why why one day I'm mhia the next day I'm going to die why what did I do said because you decided not to get married he said yes but I did a Mitzvah my Mitzvah my Mitzvah was that I knew I saw through prophecy that my son is going to be is he's going to rap his own family he's going to kill his grandfather he's going to do all the worst Poss he's going toing idol worship idol worship to is this is not some guy this is the king is going to bring idol worship to the to the is you want me to bring this to the world you want me to bring an enemy of hem to the world Prophet says it's not your business it's not the outcome is not your business you are still responsible to fulfill theah simple mitvah have intimacy with your wife bring a child to the world he says to the prophet okay that's what Hashem wants if that's really what it's all about Let Me Marry a daughter he marries the prophet's daughter who's born Mas man makes your kid look like theim masik took his grandfather Isaiah the prophet and chopped them up to pieces like they do at the butcher chopped them up to pie his grandfather the prophet he took them up that's why actually commit murder if he commits murder maybe but he doesn't commit murder chopped him up the prophet the he chopped them up raped murdered idol worship everything and anything you can possibly imagine what's the end of the story of manhe he did Chua says he has a share of the world to come with all the problems that he has he still mentioned in the book of Chronicles why he did Chua at the end of his life he did Chua but he wasn't mentioned directly in his own book in the Own Story why because it took time for all of the idol worship that he brought to the world to be removed from the world for all of the sins that he caused to be eliminated eventually took SE several generations for that to be over but eventually when all of the S sins and all of the bad things that he caused and led to were removed from the world he was welcome to and he's mentioned as someone that has a share of the world to come and this is someone you just hear the details of just one of the stories not all of them one of them like how this person even mentioned in the Tora this person is worth than as sh why the Chua if he could do Chua I could do Chua if I could do Chua your son what do you need you need Mercy from hem how do you get Mercy from hem you pray to him saym I did everything I could I sent him to a good school I went to a big Rabbi I I'm modest I pray to you I learn your Torah I try to fulfill everything possible I try to do everything you're are my number one foundational reason for every decision I do everything you want you said make your will into my will and you'll make my will into your into uh into your will you said it so what's missing there one secret ingredient that I can give you that will put your son and your prayers on a VIP list this we said before this year but it's worth mentioning again the prophet Isaiah mentions I believe it's chapter 33 of book of not Isaiah Jeremiah Book of Jeremiah chapter 33m says to the prophet if you do chuv tell if they do chuv I welcome them they'll stand next to me but if you bring one of my children back to me you will be like my mouth meaning there's you do chuv you always accept it even Mas could do CH you could do Chua no problem that's the first part the second part is much more significant for this situation he says but if you bring my my children back home I love my children I created them I created the whole world for them I created all these stars for them everything is for them the Torah is for them everything's for them but they ran away from me they used the tools that I gave them against me I gave them a tool called loss of memory why because I don't want them to be sad cuz they have some bad memories so want him to forget these bad memories you know remember that he lost his puppy want cry about the Lost puppy when he's 35 years old here you know the uh lost a game of cards with his friend you want him to cry when he's 35 years old it's 30 years ago already his teacher yelled at him you want him to cry 20 years later because the teacher yelled at him he fell and he broke his hand you want him to cry from the pain that he had 15 years ago for broken and no so hasem gave us forgetfulness memory loss why as a tool as a tool to ease our pain eventually all pain goes away why because of this tool what do we do with this tool we use this tool of forgetfulness against AEM what do we do with it we forgot AEM we forgot hasem is the boss instead of forgetting the bad things we forgot the good thing soem says to the prophet one of my sons one of my daughters they forgot me they use that thing I gave them they use it against me they use the pan to go pay for things that are against me bring them back to me remind them of me I'm here remind them bring them back you do that you achieve that you get somebody keep Shabbat you get somebody to be serious about me learn to on a regular bases your prayer will be like my prayer meaning your mouth will be like my mouth even if I bring a decree to the world and I say this person's time is out he's run out I have to give him disease cancer you pray for him you could override that decree why you have VIP you have VIP treatment why do you have VIP treatment because just like I created man when you bring him back to me you're also considered a creator so now hasem loves every single one of his Creations he loves every single one of his children even more so especially when they're called chosen your son is also chosen but he doesn't want to be chosen because he doesn't know what it means so you can't do much right now but he can so my strategy is go worry about hm's other kids go try to get hashem's other kids to come back to Hashem Hashem sees that oh you wor about my other kids okay okay where's your kid now oh come come that's what happened with many of the people that I couldn't reach family friends different people that there's no way in the world that I could influence them why because they're always going to look at me as my past this is Mr businessman this is this this is that it wasn't like I wasn't a murderer exact exactly I was a decent human being sh over here was worked for me for many years he knows me he can tell you guys I wasn't a murderer I helped a lot of people I did I was a decent human being but according to hm I was a I didn't follow his laws so they remember me as that guy so for me to go come to them say hey you should keep Shabbat you should keep this you keep that some people just can't get over that hum they just can't do it but I still like them I still care for them I still want to help them so I pray for them I pray for them but every time we do a lecture every time we do a Sho every time we give out a CD it helps it helps it helps and I start seeing some of these people that I couldn't influence them if my life depended on it hasem opens the door in a different way all of a sudden they call me oh you know that Rabbi M guy like yeah yeah I heard about him yeah I heard about him what about him what yeah he's amazing do you ever hear about him he's good like I'm the one I give you a CD but I don't even say it I'm the one that gave you the CD even though who cares it doesn't make a difference let him do cha or they come to me with a oh you ever hear this amazing who cares does I don't need to credit he knows in what I Tred point is Hashem open the door in a different way you like this Rabbi you like that Rabbi it doesn't make a difference to me just do CH so best thing to do start making other children of hem your top priority every day a few minutes every day 5 minutes 10 minutes 20 minutes depending on how much time you have an hour whatever time you have contribute to K contribute in every way you possibly can to do K but on a regular basis not like once in a blue every day do something if you have money contribute money if you have time contribute time if you have a skill contribute a skill if you have all contribute all the point is make kiru your business of course you have to work you have to live you have to do whatever you got to do to survive but the point is make kiru a serious part of your life why because the only way your son is going to get this VIP treatment is if you become one of those that hasem calls you'll be like my mouth you become like K mouth you don't even have to worry anymore eventually it's going to happen stop worrying you don't have to worry about it it's paid for already you just don't know it hasn't showed up in the bank account yet next no you have some more questions we finish the entire Tor amen amen [Music] [Applause] [Music]