How To Give?

[Music] like let's say for example if I have a tortilla or if I have a uh uh donut or something else that I want to hand it to somebody what I'm trying to understand why why wouldn't I be able to hand it to somebody I mean technically if I'm understanding your question if I have a cookie or I have a tortilla or I have a piece of bread or I have anything really I can hand it to anybody else um the only time that I can think of that a uh person may have a uh a time that they has to be more careful with handing is during Mii when you have the k Shabbat or you have K of the of Y the say that you have to treat the bread when you do the blessing of the bread you have to treat the bread in a certain way of respect so there's a old tradition that some people have that's mistaken which is to take the Moi and throw it to people throw it to people across the table why because you're not supposed to hand the bread to them so he says get it to them but that's a disrespectful way according to some so what's the best way to do it is that you give it to put it give it to them by putting it on a plate or putting on a table for them to get that's the only time that I would say uh you have to be more conscious of whether you give it to them and instead of throwing it or how you give it to them but other than that you know they as long as you're not disrespecting the the food uh or the person that you're giving it to there's no problem giving something to somebody but that's also something that a person should be conscious of not just giving but also knowing how to give many people know to give but they don't know how to give and this comes you know this is not just with food but it's with a lot of things because the way that you give something many times is more impacting on a person than what you gave so for example if let's say if let's say somebody says uh you know you have a kid and uh you know and you tell them listen give me you know can you make me a p I just came back from work long day can you make me a coffee and if your kid comes to you and he just you know gives you some hot water that you're not even sure if the cup was clean before you put it there and he puts a bag of tea or coffee next to it or something and he puts the sugar next to it he's like make it yourself that's not exactly such a precious coffee that he made you in reality if you're a strict father or mother you probably want to pour it on him instead of take this coffee it's not a good coffee why how you give this how you give your father coffee this how you give your father coffee make it nice delicious this give it to me say herey thank you AB for giving me opportunity to give coffee that's how you give but if you give me coffee like this just with warm water with some mud next to it it's not giv me a nice way right so it's the way you give coffee another way for example if you say oh honey I'm hungry can give me something to eat right give something to eat now if it's 2 3:00 in the morning and you know you woke her up she's giving you something anything she gives you say thank you but if it's let's say 2:00 in the morning at 2:00 in the afternoon or it's 5:00 some normal time that you eat like honey I'm hungry I am hungry and she she gives you hold on a second and she gives you a piece of gum that she has left over she need the other half go here you go eat come on go ahead eat now it's not exactly such a good wife right why because it's not what you feed your husband you need a little B more than a piece of half chewed gum so again you gave him food but it's not exactly the way to give but sometimes you give staka give staka right say hey herey go herey go staka you have a few dollars on you and you see some homeless guy or Rabbi or somebody you know looks homeless but it's not really hey hey hey go hey hey like this hey hey like he's a horse hey hey hey here you go herey here like this that's not a way to give why why does the whole world need to to hear the whole thing why also you have to treat the person that you're giving with some dignity and respect and not treat them as if they're like some like poor miserable person and many times people that give do the opposite where they give the person not just the money but a little bit of embarrassment too hey hey you go but before you take it like they hold on to the 20 they hold on to the 10 they hold on to the whatever Bill and he's holding on to the other end but they want to give him a speech too listen use this money right you don't spend it all one place and by the way your wife didn't look so good so maybe you should get her something and your kids they look kind of hungry so you get and give them a speech too money like that is better you don't get give it don't give it other times sometimes person say listen they uh they donate money and you know then they want to uh listen did did you get it yeah I got it I got it thank you thank you you got in the mail yeah I got it okay good a day later so you got the money yeah I told you yesterday that I got it I got it I got it I got okay fine fine a week later listen so did you spend the money that I gave you already why you need it back no no I was making sure you got it but I you told you I got it ready okay do you get anybody else what start asking 500 questions with this not necessary it's not necessary if you donated on the website I got it you don't have to tell me did you get it if you donate on a website you get a receipt that means I got it you don't have to ask 500 times but a lot of times people do that why because what do they want really what do they want they don't want to give they want to thank you they want to know you appreciate apprciate that I gave now if you're giving because you're waiting to get appreciation it's not it's okay but it's not the best way to give it's like almost similar to that like coffee with you know not ready coffee it's not mud it's not like garbage but it's not ideal why ideal should be the highest form of The Giver doesn't know who the receiver is the receiver doesn't know who the who the giver is that's the highest form now we can't do that all the time because number one we cannot trust people to just you know tell them listen you give it to whoever and we cannot trust that you know the right receiver so we have to sometimes know who we're giving it to but we should try to aim to be at the best level OFA and not make a whole ordeal out of it like listen I want to make sure that when I give it to you you give me a receipt every time and you also send me a special thank you email and a special message and every time I see you I need you to make sure that you look at me and it you don't have to make a whole deal of it why because if you're giving for that it's better you don't give it's better you don't give why although it's meritorious to give you're spending all of the merits in this world when somebody donates for example in sh the Safar have this custom where they do an auction before uh the prayers especially during the sh uh and they sell the AL to the Tora and that's usually the time where the synagogue raises the most amount of money but if you notice most of the money usually is donated in many places by the people that don't come to sh most of the year and most of the people that come most of the year they don't donate during that time they may donate to the sh but not during that time why they let everybody else get it a little bit but the problem is kazal says that those people that donate if they're not coming to the Sho the whole year why they even donating you would think you know the guy that's coming all year should donate yeah he does donate but just not then why let him he's not coming next week he's not coming next month so if he doesn't donate now he'll never donate okay okay so we can understand the guy is not you know it's going to donate later but why is the guy that's only coming once or twice a year donating why because he wants to get the respect from all of the other people that he even though he doesn't come he's still supportive he's still Rich he's still successful he's still giving and the sages say that guy that's donating because he only donates because he wants to get the respect the honor and so on he's going to cry later on when he arrives at the bedine of Heaven he says listen I gave a million dollars during my life I gave $10 million during my life I gave whatever amount of money during my life that's good right and the BET de of Heaven say yes it's good but the problem is that you got so much respect for giving publicly cuz every time you gave it was like a billboard on the highway everyone knew you gave you won the auction you got the Aliah you got the respect everyone knew you are the of the Town cuz you gave so everybody gave you a lot of respect and they even did more business with you they married your kids da da da da da right so all of that honor that was the pleasure that you got that was the reward that you got but you got it in this world all you have left out of the pleasure that's you know uh that's owed to you is one 2% left in the Eternal world and when a person sees the value of 1% of the Eternal World versus 99% of what he got in the physical world he's going to cry why because you're going to see that that 1% is more pleasant than 99% but he already spent it meaning had he not gotten all of that cavod in the physical world and saved it all or at least most of it for the spiritual world is reward would be infinite infinite so again there is a uh way to give and there's a way to give you know you can give but sometimes when you give somebody you're giving it to them and disrespecting them at the same time or you're getting too much reward and and cavod at one time and so on and so forth so very uh very good subject to constantly delve over and perhaps maybe revisit a future date is that not just to worry about giving but also how we give how we give your wife asked you a question if your answer is a demeaning a uh answer it's a aggressive answer it's a nonchalant answer it's an answer that yes you answered her question but you made her feel bad in the process it was better off you said I don't know it was better off you didn't say anything it was better off you weren't even born actually why because at least you wouldn't be insulted you understand so sometimes your wife asks you a question because she wants to know how you feel about something and you're frustrated because of a million and a half different reasons but that doesn't mean that you need to give her your frustrations same thing vice versa sometimes you're frustrated and your husband comes home he says there's something to eat cuz he's hungry cuz he's a human being and you happen to be the chef in the house but you're frustrated because your girlfriend forgot to call you and your parents haven't uh come over and you're this and you're that and the kids are driving you crazy but all your husband asked for is a little bit of food that's all he asked for but he say come on go to your mother's house what okay well it's better off you weren't married if you going to answer him that way it's better off you weren't why why does he deserve your frustration so yes you gave him an answer you gave him an answer but who needs an answer like this who needs an answer like this so that's the thing we give a lot we're constantly giving in the world we givea we give headaches we give heartaches we give a lot of things the most important thing about giving is think about what you're going to give before you give it and think of it in a ways would you want to be the receiver of your gift before you give the gift of an answer of a response of whatever would you want to be the receiver of that gift you're about to give your wife of that gift you're about to give your husband of that gift you're about to give your employee or the teller in the supermarket or whoever it is would you want to be the receiver if the answer is yes go ahead and give if the answer is no why not then why are you giving it why are you giving it we're very excited to offer you the new app 3.0 it's a newer faster app full of Torah lots of Kusa by the shim that we do myself Rim raim uh where you'll have also newer features where you're able to use the app uh while you're using other applications on your phone you'll be able to share the uh the lectures directly from the app you'll be able to donate online and support our CU and our Torah work that we're doing and the most exciting feature is that you'll be able to actually ask questions directly on the app and get answers from the rabbis directly from the app this is something unprecedented and will be able to offer it thank you again for all of your support check it out make sure you have the kosher Torah that uh will re-energize your each and every single day call to [Music]