Daily Chidush: Zman Ben HaMetzarim (3 week mourning period)

we are a couple of hours away from finishing the fast of 17th of tamuz but we've also entered the which is the time that is between the date of 17th of tamuz and the nth of a these is the morning times of am Isel where many and quite frankly the the the most of the tragedies historical tragedies that have happened to am Isel have happened during this time from the destructions of both the BET mikdash to the announcement of um am not entering the land of Israel when they sinned with the 12 Spies which actually happened today 3,300 years ago approximately uh on 17th of tamuz uh so there's certain Al and certain things that we need to know about this time that I wanted to cover not only about today uh which even even though it's almost nearly over it's always good to uh to know for future reference but also for um the whole month and what's going to happen because there's a pretty significant difference in some of the minhagim the Customs that the ashkanazi and safarik have uh and it's very very important to know the difference uh not necessarily because there is a difference between us Shalom but rather because if you see someone doing something and and uh and you know you're not doing it or vice versa you should never look at anyone with a unfavorable eye you always have to understand that there are different Customs amongst the different uh traditions of of Judaism uh and nonetheless the ashkanazi have actually been very very uh stringent in their mour uh of uh this time of the year this uh this date and rightly so um not only because they uh you know it's it's actually a good thing to mourn during this time we've lost so much throughout history which we'll go over in a second but also historically the uh ashkanazi Jews have suffered much more uh you know than the sapharic Jews did uh askanazi Jews have suffered much more by you know from the pgms the uh uh Spanish inquisitions the Holocaust A lot of these things most of the suffering was by ashkanazi Jews uh whereas even though the sapharic Jews have also suffered it's uh not comparable so it's always important to know that uh when there is a choice of whether to mourn or not to mourn during this time of the year it's actually a good idea to mourn because uh either you your your grandparents your great-grandparents or even just your brothers and sisters from the other Traditions have suffered during this time so it's very good to uh connect to it and uh ask Hashem for Mercy um there are five things that have happened during significant happened today on the 17th of tamuz the mentions uh the breaching of the walls of Jerusalem this is page 28 B uh the breaching of the walls of Jerusalem where the go breached the walls then uh unfortunately shortly later by T which is just in a few weeks um destroyed the bet mikdash so it began now uh this is obviously anytime a uh a war begins it's a major major event historically and of course for is this is even more so uh also there was a the same it says that there was the uh they were no longer doing the tamid offering one of the sacrific es that was a one of the uh things we got from Moses from uh Mount siai as one of the laws uh to do was uh discontinued was discontinued on the 17th of tamuz there was also a burning of a seph t by apostos uh placing of an idol in the Holy Temple in the beta mikdash by the go uh and also there was the most uh notorious event uh that happened actually during this time time is that the uh two tablets The Ten Commandments that mosenu received from Hashem in Mount Si the first set this is the time actually when he came down from Mount Si and saw that am Isel was sinning with the um golden calf and destroyed them he broke the two uh he broke the two tablets so this is also page 28 and now to go over into this particular day we all have have to understand that when Judaism has a fast it's not a fast uh just because we have nothing better to do there's obviously a uh physical fast and a spiritual fast meaning that a spiritual purpose for the fast the physical fast uh the purpose of it is that we limit the amount of material that we consume each and every day and uh I think that anyone that's close to Hashem should take this into account and maybe even add some fast to his life because there's so much material in this world that we consume every single day but nonetheless even if you can't or you don't want to at least the fasts that are decreed by the Torah is things that we have to do and we should be uh uh happy to do in a sense that uh it's giving us a break from the material world uh by limiting our intake the second part is the spiritual part which is just fasting by itself and hanging out with the friends and the family and and talking and babbling about nothing defeats the purpose of the fast the whole purpose of the fast is to learn why we're fasting learn the learn the story read the history read what happened to our ancestors this is not just a history book and it's just something that happened and too bad for them this unfortunately in a secular world or in a disconnected world that we live in it's very easy to think oh no it's just something that happened a couple thousand years ago what's you know what's it connected to me well you know what you obviously know someone that is connected directly or you perhaps yourself are connected directly to the Holocaust and if anyone dares to mention anything about the Holocaust you know immediately APAC and every single Jewish organization right so attacks that person for denying the Holocaust or for saying anything negative about the Holocaust because we feel close to it why is it any different with the holiest Temple that ever existed the only reason why hasem even gave us was that we have the the BET mikdash and during this time is when the destruction began so obviously if we're not connecting to it there is obviously a dis a disconnect with our Torah so now the laws of uh of of during this time these next 3 weeks until the culmination which is on are uh very good to know and uh very important to follow there are many laws that are actually there's only a few laws as far as of what happens during this time but there are many me so you always want to make sure you check with your local Rabbi to see what the local Minag is if you don't already know it one thing that it also mentioned in the is that during this time on page 29 ra Papa said that a Jew who has a lawsuit with a gentile should avoid him during the month of a in general the month in a which you know starts in about 13 days uh is generally A bad month it's it's a even though thear States Shabbat page 156 that the Jews are not absolutely dominated by the astrological for forces nevertheless the uh thear mentions that this is actually a time where the M the the prosecutor goes against us in a on on during this time because of the unfavorable things that have happened throughout history for for a reason uh so one should not rely on his prayers and his merits uh during this time and just be safe by taking by decline to uh putting himself in in Jeopardy one of which being in a lawsuit with a gentile which means that if you have a lawsuit with someone during this time you should do everything you can to uh postpone this lawsuit to be at a different time uh thear also mentions that a favorable time for us is actually during the month of adal that's a good luck month for us uh Jews so even though we're not necessarily uh as Jews relying on luck there is a time of favorability and there is a time of unfavorability for us um the um kazal mentions to us that 12 months were given uh to the world to to and 10 of them were inherited by Jacob and two by asav the two are tamuz which is where we're in and of but uh even in he did not you know isav didn't take the whole month he only took up till the time of T so there's two times that are unfavorable uh times for we see throughout history whether it's the Holocaust or it's the pogs or the inquis itions or the destruction of the first or the second bet mikdash or even the events that happen in Mount Si in a desert generally have happened at a focused time of tamuz or um or of the two unfavorable months for am so now one thing we uh a few things we need to know about about this time is that this is a time where uh for both ashkanazi and for spartic we do not Sayan blessing of shanu we do not say on things like for example if you buy clothes you're supposed to say shanu then you don't say it but there are certain exceptions so obviously if there's a you sayu there are certain exceptions of when you supposed to say the prayer but generally you limit the amount of times that you do also uh celebrations during this time between the 17th of tamuz and the n9th of a are strictly forbidden no weddings no a um a uh you know all types of uh different blessing birthday blessing uh parties and things of that nature are strictly forbidden and this is actually for both the spartic and for the ashkanazi for the spartic uh the Ben and also in M mentions it uh so uh obviously this is not a uh just a Minag not having celebrations of weddings and things of that nature uh we have to make sure that we that we uh limit celebrations during a time of morning uh but if there's such an event like for example Brit Mila you cannot delay it uh then you do have the Brit Mila and even if you're ashkanazi you're allowed to attended uh also there is no music during this time uh there are many sources uh that uh talk about how there shouldn't be any music in general uh about you know during this time but if you look at the previous sources I heard a lecture byav one of the uh and you know son uh mentioned that uh you know he looked into this and that you can't really find much about music in general in the past for am as far as laws about music and the reason why is because in generally it's doubtful if Amisa is even allowed to hear music at all uh you know because because we're not really supposed to be that happy since we don't have our bet mikdash of course the both ashkanazi and the safarik Pim are um lenient in this regard when it comes to uh music that is Holy music when there's praising of hem uh that we're allowed to hear but when it comes to secular music this nonsense that people have whether it's uh rap or hip-hop or or trans and techno and all uh spear music that's out there uh this is uh uh strictly forbidden not only now but in general but obviously if you can't do it throughout the whole year at the very least you can do for am and for your connection for with hem is to limit your uh music during these next three weeks the zor says that um as I mentioned before actually that the 12 months that were given to am two were to asav and intend to or Yu but in addition to this It also says that as when he found out that yov uh stole his Blessing if you will he cried two tears cried two tears and um cried three but the third one went back in and uh in our laws of halav and Bas of milk and meat we know that there's something there's a there's a term called B which is one out of 60 if there is if there's two different flavors let's say there's a piece of meat drops into a pot of milk it's two distinct taste if the milk is 60 times more in quantity than the meat then you could take out the meat you know wash it off and the milk is still fine but if there is a uh you know a drop of non- kosher milk goes into a thousandfold pot of kosher milk the whole milk is destroyed it's not it's all non kosher and the reason why is because there're similar tastes so kazal asks if asav cried these two tears you know isn't it it wasn't there enough wasn't there Jews throughout history that have cried you know more than two tiar at least 60 fold you know 120 tiers to uh to go against asav that he's still to this day winning the battle against us and this is one of the troubling terms this is one of the troubling issues of today is that yes the uh asav cried and it looks like he had different tears it looks like he's the evil and we're the uh we're the righteous so it should be that technically 6 would be enough to cancel out and we'd have the mashia come and all the good things but in reality it's not and the reason why is because asav cried for purely for his own personal benefit and there and we are not crying for the BET mdash purely we're crying also for our personal benefit and if it's a similar taste then no amount is enough meaning that for someone to cry purely on beta mikdash purely for the will of hem purely for the connection of hem unfortunately has not happened yet to such an extent this is kind of sad and I mention it only because when you mention to a secular person that you have to fast today like what do you mean is there a way around it is it just AAG is it this is it that no it's not a it's an Al you have to fast aside from this uh this month in general is a time to uh lower happiness gift gift giving you know jewelry things of that nature you should uh not give during this time also as far as a um uh the ashkanazi actually do not eat meat or chicken uh during this time uh they are on this uh you know they're stringent on this particular uh issue where it's a uh a very very uh difficult uh time for some of them that uh you know they don't eat eating regular food whereas the spartic in general are actually only limit their intake during the week of tshav but since this year we have tab actually happening on Shabbat itself on M Shabbat there is no uh limitation in regards to uh eating meat for spartic uh during the week before um before t uh whereas the shazis already start now no no meat or uh or um chicken uh also laundry haircut shaving is not permitted during the week of tab for spartic but the ashkanazi already start since today since the 17th of tamuz not allowed to get a haircut not shave and uh also um the uh the laundry issue actually starts during roses during the first of a is when they start stop wearing new La newly laundered clothes or um uh do laundry in general um also the ashkanazi in regards to showering uh they only permit cold showers uh from the first of a until tab so nine very very difficult days uh for anyone that's not used to uh uh cold showers uh during the ninth of a the is uh itself so tab itself uh this year is an exception because this year is Shabbat so there's additional loss for that but nonetheless on a typical night of a uh there's no showers even the Ned dime that you do in the morning when you first wake up could only wash the tip of your fingers uh there's obviously no eating there's no meting uh you know being intimate with the wife uh there's no drinking um as far as the um uh clothing can you know you cannot wear newly laundered clothes during this month you cannot wear a leather sandal so in general Mo a lot of people wear things like Crocs or uh slippers that are uh um not from leather during this time uh and in essence a uh show that you're mour show that you have less than what you typically do during throughout the uh entire year uh during this time uh um now as far as washing clothes even for the for the ashkanazi Jews is that um during this August 5th to August 13th the nine days of Tav this year come out August 5th to August 13th uh so you shouldn't wash any clothes but um if somebody has young children and it's impossible not to wash their clothes then obviously they should do the minimal the most minimal amount possible um it's also prohibited to give an adult uh clo clothing adult clothing to a non-jewish launderer you know even if the clothing is going to be returned after T not allowed so uh there's no way to beat the system whatever clothes you need dry cleaning and so on you'll give it to them after T um but you are allowed to give it to the non-jewish launderer if before the ninth of a uh even if the clothing is going to be washed during the nine days but you're not allowed to wear them until after theab uh the only thing that's in regards to laundry as far as washing clothes is that it's permitted by SOS schem to to wash the clothes for the purpose of a Mitzvah meaning that you can wash specific clothes for Shabbat uh that you can do so either on Thursday night or that Friday uh in preparation for Shabbat uh as far as bathing the uh sapharic Pim mentioned that it's a uh something that you're not allowed to do for uh during these nine days of a you're not allowed to do it for pleasure uh and actually in ashkanazi have actually some of them some have actually said you're not allowed to bathe at all as a true sign of mourning uh but some have said that if uh if it's impossible for you meaning that it's a uh causing you major hygienic issues or things of that nature then you allowed to shower with cold water uh some have even said with regular uh uh water but uh in general it's uh should be quick and to the point uh no shaving is permitted by either side whether it's the um sapharic or ashkanazi uh unless some you know some post scheme of in the ashkanazi side I actually said that uh if someone's business is going to be compromised by not shaving some actually say you're allowed to shave this is a uh um more of the modern side than uh the uh Orthodox side but nonetheless someone that uh has an issue with shaving you know then obviously this is you could rely on that um personally I don't really know why anybody has such a tough time shaving okay may maybe you don't like the look but what business are you going to lose by not shaving for a week I don't if you have that kind of client you probably should change clients or career um swimming is strictly forbidden for bidden whether ashkanazi or spartic during this N9 days uh except the woman is allowed to uh go to the mikve during this time obviously um the only time you're allowed to eat meat or or chicken for the uh Safar for for ashkanazi is uh during Shabbat except that now that to eat meat or uh eat chicken and also may not drink wine with the exceptions of a during a p or you know a circumcision or if there is actually one other thing if someone finishes a that about about covers all of these uh rules in so many words I think that someone that uh wants to connect to Hashem wants to uh really take advantage of this time uh and limit their material intake limit their uh their physical needs you know they could actually take advantage of this time and uh similar to the time of elul right before where our Judgment Day um you know this is a time where you can actually limit your work limit your a um time that you spend with the material world and connect to hm connect to the spiritual and connect to your forefathers and maybe even get your point get you to a point where you actually cry a little bit on Tish it's say uh if if you get to a point where you actually cry in you cry during this morning time it's it's a big Plus in essence obviously it's not a uh uh we're not advocating everyone crying the whole year but nonetheless during a time of mour that's what you're supposed to do crying for a real reason not being an actor so we have uh we pray for better times we pray for a time where you know there's only celebration but nonetheless we have to also look at the positive things in the time of morning like we have right now which is it's a Time an opportunity for us to limit our material and connect to the spiritual connect to AEM and theem bring the mashiach in our day