Rabbi Yaakov Bender speaks with Kollel Ohr Mevakshei of Lakewood - Stories and Lessons

I'm know CH my grandfather came to America to steal P from from where and's wife was his sister right my cousins yeah I was extremely close to them your name yeah a wow he wonderful man sweet man he wasn't but he was were full eth grade an e grade re yeah you back there yeah [Music] myersan Nathan Nathan [Music] these guys wonderful kids just by the dinner very nice my brother and my one one who lives in Florida retired old man what's he to you a great uncle great uncle you tell me story he told me huh I didn't see I'm oh proud of are you kidding I'm very happy for you made I was think I'm not thought of going because of our relationship that's know if this guy he developed over the years Ina really your father big loss your father people you live forever you know wonderful man all right so this Mr old Mr told me once that he came into awood after left some they got him on to cast cast the train so he got out and he went up there and he say he put his hand in the barracks whatever three levels for the for the the conation camp he came in just before up there put his hand box ofle they preped the in and he used those this is what your great uncle told me once he's a great grandparent yeah interesting story now yeah goe Miller Miller my brother really wonderful yeah the vamin two vam I know o very nice I work with him in my books good guy big bench yeah schwinder schwinder I know was it wburg many years ago at that family little kid yeah Ro blot Rose blood Road blot ro road BL like yeah Detroit my brother oh wonderful see what coming up wonderful special boy yeah fan Fagan Dr Fagan psychologist the restaurant also nice man father yes we had a cousin it's your father brother very nice well sorry see what side very nice the pill chicks we're related to one pill chck I'm not sure what related to relation yeah all we skip you wian the Wiman Brothers noot wi brother like w Brothers they used they used to be one remarried the second time now to a widow anyways right one of you know that one of the brothers he's his right hand man right hand man yeah Kish K related yeah P anger so I have a brother P say nobody else in the world has that name know was funny he told me that it was up to me when he a kid that made fun of him to pyy yeah nice to say hello you want to make it open what do you want to talk you want to talk anything you want to talk about any are you besides for you that I know yeah yeah I spoke about this top how do you deal with when you're miserable mooded well you have a problem how do you I spoke about this Thursday I speak on Thursdays so how do you do that are you able to not be in a bad mood it's called compartmentalizing guys ask in the morning I speak yeah which is unfortunately it's at least 10 times a year and then I got to go to afterwards so what do you do you have to compartmentalize they can't go to they can't go to the wedding because it was going on so it's not soing is a very very difficult thing it's very difficult thing I was a young little boy my father took me to laa which was in Pik Street sh huge laa I mean 19 60 probably was 110 size today and it was maybe the biggest America ever Hada maybe okay most you probably wer born you were born um so so my father took me into the airport the 10 Young gol from Lakewood TW TW did a good thing they went ahead they took out 10 seats the way nor one goes the body goes with the truck you ever go to you don't see what happens if the most I I saw twice cuz I had this of going all the way to the airplane with an iron one so I had this of going they let one guy going into the truck that had in the back like a pickup truck the arm was in the back and then they think the AR they put on a conveyable it's such an awful feeling the said about him he was the in America he's going up so go I was there they said yes L didn't want to and they took out 10 seats and they set up 10 seats in a circle right especially on this flight and they put the y in the middle and they went along with the Y over there didn't go so my father went to the a sat down shiv probably to start shiv then you know but should be the next day he sat down shiv and there was a big tum in the background very big T in the background and um and said what's what's what's going on then there were 120 Buck from the whole lake with they said there's a fight because because they want to go to this wedding L wasn't every night obviously in those days right L but the guys how can we go we just came for the re how can we go was the most soft spoken nicest person he was just such a beautiful man my story he was Mur and he calls says you talking about now is a wedding what and he got he got agitated got agitated says now was out of here s the but it's easy go to the P you want to celebrate then you have something that's bothering you know sh issue sometimes whatever is bothering you how do you comp compartmentalize it's easy said than done it's not so P really not so easy to get rid of your mind doesn't stop thinking if you have a bear dream you can't stop the dream the dream is there go back to sleep the dream still comes back to you whatever it is it is I'll tell you someone just told me and you ready I'm have this dream spoke to some lady who I was a before I got married my not saying names I want to marry a certain girl came from a very very she home but his parents typical H survivors Wanted only a wealthy wealthy wealthy wealthy girl they didn't want anybody from home like that and so I didn't know this father and mother and um I read the sh I knew the family very well I read the sh and they went out boom boom boom boom boom and a few weeks later the father of the boy came to with and he walked in who he wanted to strangle me stories don't happen they surrounded the guy you know because why 22 he 23 those days speaks over his parents who am I supposed to know and I just spoke to the mother because she wants to make certain kid in America I spoke on the phone she said I want to tell you that my husband had a dream that his father recently came to him in a Dream It's aming story it's spooky almost said didn't die too long ago to father I think almost given time didn't P I said let's go pay up come on it's scary you got to pay you know even though sometimes your dream doesn't mean anything I'm going around topic to topic because I know what you guys want to speak about but dreams you know are not P sometimes so when you know anything that bother him this was his rule he woke up in a dream that bothered him he was he was made he did it maybe too often he would tell you maybe you got too nervous about it but the time you have a be dream is only wake up three times you go so he used to he felt apy during the day etc etc but all the dreams are what I tell story now I don't understand got be story now I heard Direct from the Al I checked afterwards there was a younger man that 43 years ago this younger man I saw him before he di I in house before close to that right okay so um I said toy this walking around here he looks like something bothering him he's pacing in the room friend ofel you or I don't know which one it was and he's pacing in the room and and um I said no he's fine good you man an hour in a hip later he was dead crashed into a tree he was LIF almost like something was eating at him okay the was held that night after 3 a.m. 300 a.m. he his had a home in Lakewood had a home said he said to like I have a problem the morning he was lifted we went into the and so on this is 100% I spoke to the I spoke to the Alman I knew well CU our kids used to come to Camp that I was in he had a was they left over he went went to the in the old building was the way the old building was the before it was rebuilt it had a library on one side downstairs and the other side was kab rooms and he says to him that he went to his SA was left and he put it on a bookcase in theab room right across put on bookcase to come back later on the night return to sa he don't take it with him and unfortunately he's a y Bel he has a problem now first of all am man I got bigger problem put back safer right what does that mean so we'll try to answer that later I have a stickle turrets on I think so what happened so you got up not miss and found the saer exactly where he was he put back theer happy would be he came back to him told him he took care of me never happened was right away about you I know my my much worse than that I think the answer is maybe says end of says came and he was and he said if you want to have the major MIT Maj what do you do to make sure you do all the mitzah so I me said if he do these 11 things properly then other said that is the biggest thing but one of the 11 right one is one was over there as different word I think it keeps quiet I think think it was that he that that that one of the thing is you have to always when you hear somebody talking B you have to protest if you don't protest it's a TI on the person so Rashi says on him that he never did it it seems that Rashi says but he was n brings another rash over there and when he was n his wife saw crawling out of his ears were worms so she came he came to that one time he heard right he didn't protest so uses as an example of someone who heard and kept quiet and here he's telling his wife the reason why they're giving him a hard time is because he wants heard ter someone if you m on something if you really M on something and you keep that MIT you up to sh they give you a real welcome you took care like Mr Rosenberg made the sh laboratory in Williamsburg the original sh laborator came sh he took a Mitzvah that was non-existent in America totally non-existent in American people wearing shotless clothing and he made the first non shotless laboratory he saved a person that cares a certain Mitzvah even say keep putting away his far and if you don't put say for one time that's I think he must have been someone his wife told me afterward he was back when I'm returning his arm all the time so he had his MIT come up to that MIT would have given him degree but what happened but what happened he blew it one time on purpose no he went to turn the sa and then he was killed in a car accident so when you take a Mitzvah that's I try to tell guys she was take something something make this your Mitzvah make this your Mitzvah not just returning I always very bothered iron rights by the way one WR he says if you don't return to I once a say for I was by nobody okay for five years and train we would have got position be got and people return right take outside they destroyed in the rain if you take one thing and you turn into something really very St very about something something make it make it your business is in you see people made something they thing that's all thought huh May know huh you name knows about first day like I know about B nothing was this big still living He loves visitors visit he's well person and he comes out of the uh on Ro Street pish St that was the place we used to go learn the guy drops Not Dead Yet 45 minutes he goes out he we we got to be rights that every single City and he made take me an hour but he said he took see this Jing light who didn't know they head from their feet and it's the biggest roundt and service in the world everybody go to sleep a little better knowing that's all come now a lady go stre from me S Rabbi you don't know what it means we brought that all to neighbor so she you what it mean I sleep so much better she old put up by itself that itself is so you sleep better P so people should into something good what's that you for the most but that's a very good to want to come back back I did no oh yeah I I was staying stoping about okay very a good thing my brother live one of those retirement communities whatever he the so um he made a bris the last bris that was they told us all the family we very very well was a bungalow alongside my parents Bungalow my brother a year ago almost years my brother not the holy Jews of passed by his C and he said he stopped he didn't know was r that day r on one side of the wall on the other side of the wall and he says he feels things these things he lay down in the 45 minutes my very speci was best friends with you have three best friends same age also my brother Mal used to stay in our house when became r so he want us to come back to the Bungalow count he stays in my brother's room so used to be we knew him very well my brother makes a br and they said made a rope off Don't Go Near monkey was staring at me the whole bris I said one my brother he be nice to me I said he wants to talk to me he says you make me do big sh you know what you told me you know I said look at him he's staring at me the bris was over I'm think the bris was over took who knows how long to walk out know from the front we sat on left side and to walk out and he went into his room and then we had to leave to go to eat the BR was someplace else so my mother says to me I was very close to my mother my father was I was learning in Philadelphia my brother come back to New York people know that story ready for reading my books over there I came back to New York eight years I traveled on the Subways mother years I take said fine we went by little bit of Jar's room he had they put a recliner him the he had a room up there we have now have offes over there he had a little room for himself and the recliner he was sitting on it I open oh and then my mother walked in said we bual next to each other so first of all my brother I said h told you he says he thought I knew a certain person he good he thought a certain person I'm not saying any more about it because then people could figure out who it was maybe one person figure out he says this this this boy was a came from very in New York and the rabbitson please I'm sending my son to you like he was 19 20 years old you should work with him sh of course just you know he says this who he was he says you know his mother has TI on me has said anybody in the world that has he was such a nice man I'm telling you she I said again the same the same the world the third time I said Okay so bring I want you to bring him here you bring him here I said no problem but I don't want to wait till I get back to New York I called my de friend train High School I said she want see this in this go there now got him to late with I called later um I called later she's re we called her r i called re and I said to her he's a new person he says he was convinced in his mind he knows his mat LIF a few weeks later he he says he doesn't want to leave the world something having tus on I'm sure she hasus he sat with him for 3 hours they didn't let us go near because he so somebody had to hold him at somebody had to hold the baby right and this what he did three hours he spoke to convincing he's his F was really a very very special person he's not here 45 years so this is a Youngy know relatively young you know knew but he was extraordinary special person and amazing thing of course it more and more lat really took at that time he was extra person the me the together the gave a very hard time right those days Europe Crow I'm bad up was very fun very interesting old was still there became bigger and bigger and bigger so he was no huh what goad Us in America it's hard now it's very hard we and is have slowed down the whole push we spoke for three months straight about about about you know feeling fathers the pain we spoke about you know uh what it means to feel for the pain of other people he HED anded and [Music] and people are the problem know first Spanish reue he told me he says went so we cut that I spoke to speak for a while he said should cut down because he got very even though so we do one strong till once a day you know right very very strong but the M you got to find yourself what you can do now it's very hard right now because it a little bit you know a little bit I me you have to hope that the feeling for CH will go on you know but it's very hard it's you know you and recently and and you don't feel you have to go out to the soldiers to see soers they feel yeah yeah yeah yes is yeah but they you don't feel not because people they went out with life they went out with life they went live under War for that long but America maybe War we do things constantly with with the kids constantly Junior High SI we we we adopted a family um from from the south Friday family completely with the boy put on film boys here young the junior high middle school made um and they remember danc everything was on Zoom they bought him a sh blue sh you know it's expensive they B chipped in um we Tred to do there was a couple that got we Tred to bring in the CSL really in a daily practice there was a couple that got killed remember in an accident on the high month and a half ago child this couple second marriage right and um and so went they finished in memory of this of this we try to do things that are but you have to find different things I think you could do things that you feel to them no he compliment a picture in his ass you know Happ next he had the the video right two days later I found at my house he bought me when sent it to me the is health I think very important says that you know that you ever se you should say it once a week I say it on Sundays I can't say it every day because you know I don't want to rush says that when you have a to do something good make something Mish out of it do something Mish out of it this is very important so now I can't tell you but if you have a heart you want to do something do it do it immediately what hasn't been covered yet I don't know you know I'm sure the raising money now is not going to be easy anymore right so whatever it is if you have a is married they have to see the inside have in the back the last page of say once he says he writes there very clearly the most important be right it's being modest and then all the other things come into place everything doesn't say you know who says that say says when it speaks about and about not say it doesn't speak about they use the word means does say says each one of that's the biggest so says that then he says when you have to do something do it youte to learn more make say the five minutes you'll never the five minutes a day you'll never lose it you'll do it forever that's the answer I think I know I don't I don't know the answer is today you know I don't know the answer is today huh per so per you very e compartmentalize you get chck foret everything right what do what I I told really anybody comes to the house ask who he is what he is and when he is who he is you don't say you just need give so say if you need something else shom like when you young coule sh besides the fact if learned by now all the men who are here the answer shom is yes there yes there yes there that's sh anyway get married don't forget that guys they a't they a't saying I'm sorry to ladies you got to say I'm sorry yes dear Yes dear Yes dear that's the answer you help if you B in hardford it on P by fitting it into one of the bras it'll happen in nth grade we have you know we have something like doesn't know exists we have part different CL strong and weak L either you're in top you're in the garbage I'm sorry to say that very B problem it's a problem they do start out some as basis with the no time show up inv that's the way it works unfortunately so there's so how told his kids you're having a hard time with the came in the next day I'm not Hocus Pocus I'm not he's a new boy he learned terrific he came in he says what happened to you he says I spent my was I spent mying for this he says he just turned over upside down ultimately he went through K and everything and then he went became a lawyer very very wonderful guy I think that you have to un put him that's the answer whatever you missing in your life if it's someone sick in the family it's not me it's say they'll give it to you if you really for it will help can you some you know fourth stage and has Days to Live different story obviously you know still you know whatever you could do I think try to do I think so I think so now you nice to see you same job where you are yeah running the show over there wonderful might you know by father all years know Miss went for I went there father's not there but he's special person special no we have he was thinking giving up this at one point then had then he had a dream then his brother say say the say not chish clean up it's cleaning up at night always the machine everything Tak l so I don't know if I should do it or not I'm doing it for for my father so I told her much if I should do it and I said you know my brother always claims he has dreams from my father I'm stopping to do it if I'm supposed to be doing it I'm sure my brother will let me know the next day my brother tells me I SL you in my dream I said a weirdest dream like what do you dream about he said he's working my father him my father woke up he needed a coffee he never Dr coffee he didn't want to talk to him he didn't want my brother said talk him in of what what he was trying to read my father's notes said I just need my coffee after that I decided it's you it's you that say your father coming to your brother it's she was you that he came to help you out it's a really is she was him and your brother certainly you know that were cousins really we are CU your mother's an right and my was was a my's father's sister was married to B that's why I have a re they're cousins that's good you know if the war whatever cousins you had you had we had we had no first cousins none my a brother nothing second second not this is a great story all right we you going there for supper where you going huh room full you I gave you a room missing the word correct you all know that right why they they said whatever other people will bring they'll bring they won't bring we'll bring no problem right so what they made they said whatever we have the we have to bring correct with and we can we want and then whatever bring for that they called the answers when it comes to you jump in and you do and they blew it Sandy remember sbody say you don't have S happen to you like house after's notes 5 years of gone it didn't bother me that much I don't use them you know anymore you know it's but it bother me a lot everything was destroyed 1500 home really very very bad I went down my wife downstairs we heard the noise downstairs we went down refrigerator was floating imagine it was water till here never wrote about sha 17th Street seag 19th Street sha wasn't touched can't figure it out till today maybe that's it and it was so they made ance so when was right away turned into a cafeteria they serve three meals a day every single day a guy in my corner Su the next day came with a big van with three SARS huge amount of hot water I don't know he hooked it up what he hooked it up with and hundreds of Da sh people came online they took na they said there was nothing nobody had food nobody had electric and and was spoiled it was M flooded the houses mold it was really very bad and Brook didn't know about it but this e heard he ran and he came running Seagate got killed seate got destroyed also the kid so what happened they made an track the trailers of clothing people had no clothing for themselves for the kids and they came sign you stop bringing no way to put anything that's stop bringing that's it we would have SE left out the cold right I I think another Maybe answer is but ask him that it's a good but not for the N has to set an example he has to jump in and do I was and I stood outside of my kids my kids couldn't get in I stood outside with them listen to there was a his name Al tremendous you remember Al you remember 38 years ago you can't know 38 years ago the same yearsa two months later and he was chosen to be the he chose to be the representative of know H I know very father grandfather so what happened was he came and he spoke and he said the following to make fun of the re why knew if you b letter that you're unel money so people said gives everybody letters big ready what I mean 100 people for letter 95 I mean but people letter I saying I thought of it last week this he said said me you got to jump in you don't go investigate I have a right he said really should find out first never you got to jump in and do that's what he said you have to do something don't wait find out you have fun now we started this year you know we have a rabis raises a huge amount of money for people whole year Al but till now it's been running the way is there's a need we jump in we give a lot of our this down I went to two bam this year they give me together half million dollars 26 alas that get a check he want something to do every single month the first of the month anyway between $1,000 or $2500 a month if they have kids not enough but it helps you see the letters they write it's unbelievable they undertook to raise these 26 women between ,000 $3 a month that's my own decision and it goes further than that I went to one of the houses to visit one of the ladies the whole the the the whole staircase all chopped up and she worked every day we barely making hands of meat the sidewalk the next day these guys sent somebody $8,000 job we did the whole staircase and the whole side completely adopt 25 25 could do this he adop 25 widows who could use the help right 25 widows no question is I WR at the beginning of the year each month you'll be getting such and such a check every month but don't count it for next year because I know I and he's to B and gave me the money I know what will happen next year