Rabbi Yaakov Bender - A Heart for Another

[Music] Welcome to Inside Art Scroll where the books that we read and the people that write them come to life. Today in a very unique twist we are outside of inside art scroll and we have the incredible to be in the home of Yakabenderita and we're here to discuss what I feel is going to be one of the most amazing books probably in arts girls history. The book called a heart for another. It's a book that has amazing stories, Tyra insights, memoirs of extraordinary people and extraordinary times. Welcome welcome to my home. Thank you for having us. Pleasure to be here. Rabbi Bender, you know, as as a baka growing up, I learned the taliva and I looked at the misant at the front of the base med and 90% were European gulm from the yester year. I looked at them. I saw them. The raiv had more didn't more didn't just see them. He had a personal casher as the book is so evident with so many gdam kashuim and almost like a a front row seat of Clay Israel post the holocaust and Kla Israel today grew and kahar is flourishing cuz just share with us like how what does you know in having this front row seat like how has grown and evolved and what's changed from like early on until where we are today. What changed is that we've lost that connection to the yesterday year. But um I think they're more than ever today. We don't have to be ready to accept the md is that's the job. And I think when I started following around is when I was a bak my father passed away and I did at that time um people were ready to accept them. I think today's da maybe I shouldn't start out with b right away. This is d not ready to accept this. There are so many great people. Terror is flourishing today more than ever. That that's my feeling. Terror is flourishing. The amount of people learning terror today is incredible. So saw that coming up. But the problem is that we have to be ready to accept them. Sometimes is a little bit bitt. He's nothing. The olden days we accepted them. No one thought why he was a giant. No one thought why was tells I remember you know I'm sorry. And and they were daily because they were Israel and we have to do that today. to accept them is and if we would planning them out there. The big difference really was that they were connection to Europe. We loved hearing stories about and we we lost out American we we had no grandparents in America. Big problem with no grandparents. I remember in my class in teras 35 boys there were 10 grandparents out of 140 possible grandparents. So there's no connection. So I was lucky I my father was an American. So my grandfather was here. I had a Zade in the class. There were 10 grandparents in my class meaning mostly from three or four families. So we lost that connection. So hearing about Europe was very important to us. Hearing about was very important to us. Hearing about coming to America was important to us. Hearing about Mishkab coming to America. Hearing about coming to America there was more of a connected much further removed to 70 years later, 60 years later. That connection is somewhat lost. Excitement. The photograph I have over there of you remember when about seven eight years ago we found that video I must have watched it a hundred times to see the wow right this went wild about it because they saw the they didn't see the special great time of the didn't see it so that's what's missing somewhere today but there are people out there ready to accept Israel we're great is out there and I think it's a wonderful thing but if we're ready to accept them does does the Rashiva feel that without that connection to really such a a rich era of Tyra that yes baka could attain the godless that perhaps a baka was able to attain absolutely absolutely the learning level is very high today the amount of learning is terrific and learning they can but there's more to it as we go on today there's more to it you saw yesterday were such normal people that a bad word to say they were normal people it's a very popular word normal the certain things that I write about in the book because of my mother leash was the first who teach in America and so she had a light of daily Israel and and ma um she introduced us to that right to to to those daily Israel which was very very special so we had a sh to them in that way okay I want to tell you a story I don't know if it's in the book or not um my mother was the first kala teacher in America what happened my mother was the first bak of teacher in America and they were very close to mahiman was my father's kusen didn't have children ever. My parents waited five years for kids. So in the summer, my mother and my father went to a bungalow in Seagate. That was the vacation next to Mahimman also went and my my mother told me this that a day after she got there Bur Kaplan was the husband of Rabbitson captain who built the first Bakov in America came running that he met he met a a RV and when they told me the name obviously of Rashiva Rav and and and who tells him that his daughter is getting married when in nine days did she learn he said yeah she learned she has to go to the mikvah that's it nothing else this was it. So my mother went ahead. So captain said come she went back to Williamsburg and taught her quickly write all those call 1947 lived right across the street from us. I think I mentioned in the book ran across here from us my mother whatever always come calling us it's the gate gets he ran to the window but then he comes to my mother right he comes to my mother and and he says in 1947 BP camps came out displaced person's camps there were huge amount of single bakim remember no nobody had family and a thousand boys and he made a thousand he says the bahim we're gonna teach he told my mother but the girl is nuts I want you to give a three-hour lecture I'm going to gather these thousand girls in the Eastern District High School which is now a satire building Williamsburg at Rodney Street and Marcy Avenue and you'll give a share. My mother told me she prepared of course and she got up and she spoke for three hours after the shar was over. So they told her someone's waiting for you behind the curtain and so she went rans was sitting there he was the pis of Williamsburg hitt story about that I think it's in the book volume two maybe so and he's sitting there and he said I sat here the whole time my mother told me I almost fainted but all your were perfect you have to go on doing this etc etc was across the street my mother told either she was in there or she came later. I'm not sure that was super close to Feinstein super close. He was liter on the phone. He stood up. He put on his rock and his hat 45 minutes conversation as to that he had for and he stood the whole time on the phone. There were no videos, no, no zoom, no nothing. Right? So we saw these people and the hya they were such healthy normal people. The way they spoke to us, they spoke to kids. Nice. They didn't play the role of I'm this and I'm that it's no brittle. They respected each other greatly. Wonderful to see. And I know that in the book there speaks about the importance of showing our children these even if they don't understand what they're absolutely take them. And I know I see I see in the is that whatever a comes to America, you know, there's going to be he's going to make a visit to we're going to try. We're going to try. has been really our sort of madri in Baron le told us when he couldn't do it anymore go to and we started going to my son he calls me twice a week maybe we have a certain half hour we get in over there and he's given all answering he says it doesn't always tell us what we want to hear but he tells us the way it is it's wonderful so I tell the barak he told the when he enter he was into learning and learning and learning. When you get there, go visit the Israel. Go see the Israel. And until lately, we had we had a 15 years ago, but more than that, maybe we had we had now we had could you imagine, you know, not in the book. I think um we have cousins, the benders of Burmans. We have cousins that there's a genetic disease in the family. They lost one just died just was going and the kids no one wanted to do with the family because you know genetic disease promised them whoever does a with any one of these Burman families the kids will be perfect no problem and this is 15 years ago there hasn't been a single one of the genetic disease in the family of he lived in our dire so of course people stood online for four hours to see My cousin of Paris B once told me in the safer one of his form that he has um he writes about right and Paris told me and made he meant himself now with so we had we had some tremendous who lived remember something maybe I'm dashing too long we went through a tuf in America that we really lost the young rashi Shiva And so did a they let the oldies who lived a very long time. We lost Shaw in the 60s. We lost in ' 65 I think was either 62 or 63. We lost him. We lost 62 I think he was. We lost so many of the Israel Malmud a little before also Nift I think 57 years old. We lost them after the war. I don't know what happened exactly what they wanted. So, but we had a connection to the senior and that was a married they were around to see them and I think a little less than that age wise but we had a connection to Rab Shinber over 100 years old. So, we had that but so my says always go visit take a look what it means to go to Israel. Now, does that mean they're museum pieces? He shouldn't be I didn't bother too much of my life was the whole world came to him. So I used to go hear a shir gave a shir eight o'clock in the oh as a highlight my trip I went I think I saw I think 19 or 20 times only four times I went personal question only four times and and then um the other times I just went to Shia it was just wonderful just something very very special to hear he's giving a shalabat once had a tremendous story it's it's a what happened was someone reant Israel to me he's no longer hash wrote me a letter he asked me for a favor to go and he brought me sorry he brought me a letter from yash yash a new organization studying I won't get into details I want to know who it is and very important thing and I should go to a certain person who gives nhivas asked him to dedicate the kitchen in that yeshiva what's a quarter million dollars I spoke to individual he wasn't holding by giving me that for that type of thing he gave more for terror itself and he didn't do it so I told this person doesn't He calls him back. He had a lush. Then he says to me, "Well, has audi's upset with you to a point that he's makped and upset about what you did." I got very shook up right away, you know, because I called right away. I said, "Put all this in the book." I called I called him in the book. Yeah, I know. I called and he he started laughing. He says he's laughing at me but still felt much better. But I went to Israel right I decided this is the four times I went to see him personally. I said I got to ask him the question. So I I met him you know he was on the way now to the sh from the sh I went to the sh from the sh I went with him to his house. So I said to him this and this happened in my life those words he said I never had a in my life. and the story but you know people tried to t try to use them that wasn't a good thing right these them that was that was one other time went Yasha was an interesting story also now I think u I went Yasha because we built a beautiful campus we built beautiful beautiful bunyan buildings and my wife got nervous you know the whole world was saying wow the building is ahara so I also was a little nervous about it it's like a very nice binanim there are nicer one maybe today whatever it was about 15 years ago and my wife was nervous so she says you don't go to scy right really they appointment from 7 to 7:30 5m minute appointments so I got the 7:05 appointment I worked hard to get it which I never really bothered them all the years and I come to the I come day 7:00 before 7 and the first group went in with their shilah and they put me in right they wanted to make it easy for us waiting so I heard the whole shil in front of me it's a shrug tragedy. Um was stolen a family their van stalled in the tracks and and seven kids and the parents all horrible horrible horrific I think I think horrific tragedy. He was shak. So they came to ask Shilas pertaining to this for example they asked should we get someone say kadesh for each individual one kadesh for the whole family I said myself you come this in a building next like a where do you come I'm there I walked in oh say I said is it you know and I expect him to say like you know get out of here almost you know what are you doing there with such a child as this he looked at me with the same errands skate of before I mean he says when it's it case closed. He knew the question was important to me obviously I come to ask him when I so it wasn't like you know this is a much more earthshhating question the one before and I figured I walked out of there he made me he made me comfortable you know the same thing as he had that time with Dak he knew probably that he needs to make the person comfortable interaction with so I sort of normaly over there he has a guy coming his mind you got to answer him wonderful right Beno do you know that in the end of the of the book there's an index of personality ities. Correct. And it references every person that was quoted in the book. Does the have any idea how many people are in that index of personalities? I have no idea. I think about 400. A lot of them is my kids, family, you know. I hear but but I'm sitting here and there is speaking about all the stories that didn't make it into the book. Can I like surely time to do another book that's it by the way is terrific. People give you the credit for this book, you know. He says, "No, it's I took your stuff and I rewrote it. What if I did?" You know, but he's really is so pleasant to work with. We're talking about Besser who I'm sorry about a pleasure a humble person really terrific person you know I noticed something very interesting that whenever in this book they quote Rabi it's never like it doesn't sound it's always with a hagdama his were so articulate and so clear could could and it was very intriguing to me could the give us maybe a snapshot of what it was like to sit in the shir room and listen to share from Shubani was perfect. He never gave a share that was slightly even perfectionist. You walked out of there with such clarity of the suga really. He was tremendous and I also was very close and personal. He lived in my block you know and then I switched to Mirisha after my father was nifa. He took a tremendous personal interest in me because he lived right across the street. He just moved the year before. You know what? But he came to visit my mother once a week from Flatbush. All these alt mirror came regularly to visit baron crazy used to come epi used to come many of them used to live in Williamsburg sure they came by by subway no cars in those days I remember walking in canal street station on mid kitki on the platform people traveling today tell the kids subways you're crazy uber it's all finished my um so buddhi was the clarity Aaron Ka said about him this I know firsthand he said the machind he he came and prepared totally the three wonderful children obviously right for a while and now he's still mash they call him all in and his daughter Basi we call in the black you know Basia married um to and is the name today and um and wow what a family and reson was a great lady but he walked into Shere what he's going to say that day and never got upset that would ask questions in the sh right there was one guy especially used to make him you know I one time I said or something he said that was his worst thing that he said to a baka he was beautiful as midas I said a story in the book about him wanting to put on his coat when I came to the house and I was a Ben bias you know still but he was and the clarity of the year that was the greatest I had I had tragedy I had all I was in the for two years two and a half years I had my notes this house downstairs in the bottom of a bookcase. Not that I refer to them anymore really. So, it's really just more of a major cemental value. We had hurricane Sandy here and this town was really destroyed to my basement. I lost all my notes, all my notes to I was, you know, I wasn't looking at it was of value to me obviously, but his notes were always voluminous. It was uh Yeah. um Rajiva there's a lot of stories in this book many many different stories about gdelum of the past and gdylum of today and I'm on some level I was wondering when the Shiva wrote to had this book written wrote this book if he felt that uh one of the bakham and should should go through this book and it'll be almost like an owner's manual to things that they need to know suggest should go through the book you know I come to my office I I get I buy from art school out of extras of course by the art school is terrific I agree I know this is art school paying for this but then he asked me to say this I Going back to Rama, right? N Sherman first of all is is is one of the greatest people of the generation. He's so humble. No one knows. I look up to him once in a while. I try to call him N is a great man. I mean remember when we came out just to read his introduction. It was called what's it called? Not the introduction before Andy writes an introduction. Forward. Forward. More than forward I think. No. Okay. Whatever. I read it. Overview. Overview. Overview. Yeah. That's the word. And And he's terrific. And then you have Raa who really was he made me crazy sometimes. You know if I go up to mis kushian and he was there he would say to me you got to play the role you got to that say slow a little bit you know most take a long time they check this they check that you finish in two minutes I said yeah I want to finish in two minutes I don't want to bother people you know but he was always on remember one time this very interesting story he went and I went to my mother-in-law's burial she was over here same day on the way back somehow you know we I pushed into a seat put next to Raa and he sees my shirt that's creased this me and I said he says Rab Bender a creased shirt what are you doing I said Raa was na 25 hours ago right I we arranged the lie in New York we got on the plane and we had the burial the kura we my my my my my wife sat here and it saw for a couple hours I was with my wife and we're going back and you worried about my shirt he said yeah there are shirts today that are wrinkle-free they just come out those shirts today. They're wrinkle-free. You a person of your stature have to do that. I said, "May you, what are you doing to me? You have to hear it." And he he but he was meant my he meant everything for me. He really did. He meant it for me. He was wonderful. Now, Gdalia, it's very hard to step into the shoes. Very hard. But uh he's overdoing maybe he he's going ahead of his father. Maybe father said that don't Gdalia is wonderful and all they're all staff over there. I s I told Gay the other day you ever see a torn art school never yeshiva they used to bind them I said stop binding them no reason to bind them we have like huge amount of swarm in yeshiva don't bind them they're perfection they really are and they do the job and and working with them is pleasure really is I noticed in the back that this this was published in conjunction with so two perfect working hand in hand working with them it's been a pleasure all these years they're good people the people also very honesty integrity very important so you asked me another question before you asked me about if the bak should be yes so the truth of the matter is they heard a lot of these stories I give every Thursday you know and and a lot of this I I not really so whenever I think of I jot things down for a book I'm going to take some of the things I just said over now prepare we're going to work next bookm and I'll try to it's very hard to do it again something like this because the best stories probably are in here um but as I go through it I think of it myself a little So we'll see. I noticed in the in I noticed in the book that there's a chapter about what the uh what the goal is or the most important uh in the kuda ingredient for the bak and what the shivas aspires to that that should be there. Does she know which one I'm I'm referencing. I know and I think it's important to you know you know I want another same chapter where someone chided me you saw that piece yes that's what I'm referring to. All right. Very good. With midos midos talking about it's only learning and learning because no shenan today just about learning. We speak about learning also mind you we plenty speak about learning but without midas it's nothing. I cannot handle the b. I started off in the beginning something negative but I can't handle the b when they come back. I was speaking to bakar recent not long ago and he says to me on a certain rash say his name. He says, "Wow, him doesn't come to my my rash." First of all, maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. I don't care. Stupidity. He's narring one. And you got to hack them and hack them and hack them. I got that in my house. My parents never negativity. I struggle. These people never negativity. And there's a ble there's a B. Sometimes they come back like that. I know what it is. They pick up on that. I want them to be different. One who has no ble and is a mench is a better husband for sure. Right. We we don't make any mus every week. In other words, I give my at 11:00 and then I give similar but a little bit more to at little before 12. Then I give and every other week to the more dating and so on. And then by the way, I go give to the kindergarten. I teach the kindergarten once we meet the four-y old, you know, six, five year olds. Uh four-y old, they they're they're wonderful. They give me all the secrets first of all. They tell everything over and I teach. But what do I do? I teach them alsy and integrity. Why shouldn't they hear it at that stage? And then throughout I give so the sixth and seventh graders, the same ideas develop their midas and it works. really I can I'm not here to speak about but I want to tell you something I can give you story after story after story of how these midas developed very very exceptionally really and I think that's a very important thing to hack him about it that that chapter to me is a story that how I answer them said to me son you know okay but you have to be a mench you're a better father right you're you're a better parent you're a better husband certainly you're a better husband really we give enough credit to our wives I don't think so I start by every year but the following go say the sed is all not us you know it's bubby it's mommy she as besides the fact that from the day of the pes right she's not young still she's my age you know I'm not saying we're old but you know we have a little tiny pes kitchen over there I'll show it to you if you want to see nothing it's it's a laundry room but we have and she's working ready for me after cleaning the house all that she sets the tone for the in the And we got to make sure we take care of our wives. And if you learn and meet this when you're young, you'll be a better husband and a better father. You know, my mother never ever gave us a patch, nothing. Never ever. She would, you know, who doesn't give a little peta to their kids, right? Never ever. And she never raised a voice. She would say, "Yeah, uncle, I'm disappointed in you." In Yiddish, whatever. Disappointed. She used the English word. She might say nine times a day to me, but but but she she'd said disappoint. That was all. And that they were disappointed in her. We we held her on such a well she was also a widow we put her on a sighted pedestal but even before that the way my father treated her we never ever saw my father sing a beard to my mother and I'm sure in private also they didn't and so midas is the key to everything we do in life success in life will be in how quantum mech I I I remember reading um something about the advice from moorski I think it was moorski what one should look for when it comes to when it comes to to what kind of book what the questions one should be asking maybe will share that you don't you know it's in the it's in the book people ask about asking for I'll ask was sorry I'm sorry whatever came in the day of before he said to him I have three pieces of advice to you be and that's it if you're forever you will never have a problem the story and and his wife that uh they both very poor if he comes into the it seems it was a minute of giving her a gift also get ready then then and I don't have to spend much money to spend today sure not he apologizes to his wife he said I decided I'm coming I'll tell you that promise you whenever we have a difference of opinion I'll to you so she says interesting I wanted they had a minute of buying him a gift also on that she says I made him my mind to say and the way he treated his wife I mean legendary is right and and great people But it's all about meas I was referring to you know often we ask about the bakar in his year I think I think a quot fromki will he make his will he make his pala smile will he make her smile that's it be happy you know and and and I told people you ask me you didn't ask the boys meet those yet I try to answer the calls me come to the office I'm in yeah I'm in the classroom till about 2:00 to come into the office and then I sh the calls right I I bothers me People don't call back right away. You got to call back right away. I know we should have that was broken because you have to or didn't happen because so I tried to call back right away and then they there learning 11 learning on a scale of 1 to 10. I said your your daughter is not living with his terra. Yes, Terra is important for the house. Of course, you're going to live with him as a mench, right? You know, after they get after they have a baby, it's all about the is all about pampers and diapers. It's other stuff been mean shopping for your wife, picking up your wife. Today's young light are wonderful. Today's young light, I want you to know, you know, we didn't see it as young because today's younger light are so busy helping their wives. I love watching on the block of a lot of young living there. They're running with strollers. The hus the wives go to work and they're running around taking their kids and they really help their wives. They really help their wives and and Lakewood around the show changed a little bit to say that many years ago because Mar was late and he felt the guy should be home. The young light today really wonderful bam told the barbakite when I wasn't killed they should leave 7:00 by him terror because sedar ended mar was 8:00 I'm sorry mus was 8:00 and till 8:15 and mar took a very long time by yeshiva guys walked out at 9:00 and they went home and they found their wives plapped down on the sofa you know tired out putting the kids to sleep today's young lad are very helpful in that way they really are remember one thing I think a little bit of what happened puts this in the book I wrote a book about my parents written by Mrs. Glick Glickman tale of two worlds did very well then so in that book okay last minute just before publishing my father had a close friend Phil ridds who didn't go to to the mirror together with my father and re Pinkis together Pinkis' father so they tried to get him to come 24 letters between two of them they wrote to to their friend Phil join us in the mir and one of the letters my father write to seday in the mir 8:00 with shakas Right. 3:00 they went to the D where for lunch came back I think 5:00 10:00 they don't for supper. So a lot of she was carried over that sed but there were no young light in the mir one or two people were married and had a kid and today's young light answer the call. They really do the light today many of them and they really answer the call. They're really wonderful. There's a lot of amazing amazing mice. One miso that I thought was so special and I hope the Rashiva could share it with us was the story of of uh I don't want to ruin it before we say it. The dinner where the speaker asked if they could please call his mother who was a fresh almana. Crazy story. Could say that story. It's an amazing story that there was there was a speaker that came. He didn't want to come. His his that his father just died and he felt uncomfortable. Didn't want to come. Finally finally finally he g he gave in and he said I'm coming. He came to the dinner. He gets up and he says tells her the story that you know he says I came anyways now you do me back a favor basically if you like my speech today call my mother call my mother and tell her how wonderfully I spoke there were a few hundreds of people sitting there one single person called his mother called the mother I want you to tell him I talked to an alltime bad I said if phones were created I B it's for one reason to call your mother and say hello call your father and say hello that's the phones are there for nothing else to mitz with it I called my mother I be self- serving here every single night when I was a baker I went home I traveled that's in the book right I traveled home but I got married every night and I wouldn't hang up the phone till she hung up I fell asleep on the phone you say yian uncle what you know you got to call your parents that's part of me this part of me this and also compliments I told them in yeshiva's You know, it's not just schools because in school, you really want to make them feel good. Parents spend so much time and money and effort about their kids. Make them feel good. Make a phone call is the same way is the same way. Really good. And he practices it. When I met him later on in life, I used to go back to the first thing. How's your mother doing? You know, I didn't write enough about them. They were He was his rabbit. We had a bad day. Went up to the house, coffee, homemade cake. They were different. They were so wonderful. Those were shoes. They really were. But I would love to sit in schmoo for hours, but I think our time is coming to an end. And I have a question which I think brings everything together. The last chapter in the book is about grandparents. I thought that was a very unique way to end the book. What's the message? And and why is it so important? Why is that chapter, you know, that's that's what you remember. That's the lingering memory. I think, you know, goes in order. Grandparents are the key to our connection to yesterday. They saw things we never saw and will never see. And we have to hear them. When I grew up, like I said before in as I mentioned before, no grandparents. They weren't around and we lost out by it. The grandparents today some parents don't want I'm sorry to say this the grandparents getting involved. I have boys in Shiva that are finishing shish Mishna learning with their grandfathers on the phone and the grandfathers tell them about their own rebim the you know what that means when you're learning with a grandfather you're not just learning the whole time you're talking to them and the bubbies the bubbies they love their grandmothers I can't tell you how they love not just the chocolate chip cookies they really do and you could give them what your your children cannot give them. It's a mic thing and we see in the tell what it means the for grandparents about it how critically important it is. is the biggest braha for a home. My share and shar the last two three years of their life lived there lived there. It wasn't easy. They were both getting older. My sh was a few years before my so wasn't there that long. Okay. My mostly was there for about two three years. The entire home stopped. My wife should be she was busy all day with her mother busy all day with the father when they were here. And the kids grew up seeing that. But it means that one day we want the same thing to happen. Yeah. We want the same thing to happen that we have for us when you have grandparents but more than that so much to get from to talk about the days of I the first stop I made when I came was right said you got to go to I didn't know him well I didn't know I wasn't I knew him a little bit right but you have to go. I went as we got engaged on a Sunday. It was straight to because it meant to him the he's bring the next generation you know and it was very important to him. Grandparents bring something to the table that the parents cannot and we have to enjoy it and appreciate it. When I come to Kass and I see grandparents, wow recently, all four grandparents and eight great-grandparents. Wow. It didn't exist years ago because the Nazis did that to us and now we have grandparents take advantage of it. And I think for those people who are contemplating writing the book, buying the book, 100% they should because I think this book on some level serves the role of a grandparent because it takes us back a few generations and it brings some of those lessons to us. Thank you. Thank you for the comments. Um, a heart for another the book by Revako of Bender. I highly encourage you to buy it. It'll trans transform your life. It'll give meaning and purpose. Tremendous. You should continue to inspire to be with I appreciate coming right. Look, the kids come together, the parents come together. Isn't it so important? Really? No, but it really is such an important thing. We have the concept of mishbah. I want to tell you a story. It's a gi story. I'm sorry. This is days like over time. You know, I've written so many books already made in other books. It's a Marica story. I went to LA to try to start. This is about 15 years ago. Special ed resource rooms. On the way back, I got on the plane. See, next to me was a lady. All right. And the lady looked like she was whatever. And she's I took it right away. I used I what I do is learn I try also resides for the sh I give the shiva whatever the afternoon have to know the shogi and she's watching me I'm across the alma right and and she's I you know you feel somebody's staring at you and I felt like she's staring at me the whole time I'm sitting on the plane first I said hello to her I always say hello rak say hello I go I walk home walk me home in shabas I eat the suda with the bish every shabas and they walk me home and I every guy that passes by not have any great name but I I compliment the dogs you know they have you know have dogs these people I always say to them what a gorgeous dog I boy ala they love it to go you come you know I don't know the names of dogs I don't know dogs I don't like dogs whatever okay the kids get so I'm singing the plane and then I said hello to I said says says what do you do she says to me I said I'm a rabbi rabbi of a school in farway you know with far where are you I said what do you do she says she's a farmer the farming family in Topeka Kansas, Topeka, Kansas. She's a farming family and um it's a fantastic story in Topeka, Kansas. And um and uh I said, you know, she says she does like the business end of the farming business. And then she says, "So you have a school when do you have vacations?" I said, "Remember the conversation?" She says, "I have vacation in July and August." I asked you to give them off, May, June because it's the harvesting season, July and August. We want them to be busy in school over there. They're interesting. They have different schools and fine. I go back I bring along my and myra. So I mean so I do try to do the right way which is with what you really gain rashi is so important most of what we have in there is bam taught me that he taught us he took little rashis and built them into major duke and rashi so I'm learning I each twice then the I go down to the rashi says what are you doing rabbi I said this is the bible she was a Catholic Roman Catholic so she says I said this is the verse of the bible And here's the translation tag. And on the bottom is a commentary. Nice. She says to me, "How often do you do this?" I said, "Each of this 50s something portions." And every week you got to do one portion. Wow. Interesting. Liked it very much. Okay. Back to her book. She was reading back to you feel like she's watching me, you know. And then she says, "Rabbi, do you have Shabbat Ga from Topeka Kansas?" I said, "Of course." She says, "Every week?" I said, "Yep." Um, he says, "And then she says Shabbat," he says, "where the woman gets dressed up in a most beautiful clothing and the the girls are standing next to her and she she goes like this to me and she lights the candles. This is a Roman Catholic girl and she's telling me about Chabas and I said, "Yeah." And then the husband comes down dressed in his finery and he takes his boys, they go to the temple. Yeah. He says, "Then you come home, right? You have this Shabbat." to me again again and then they come home and they uh and they uh they they make these blessings and then they have these beautiful music and I mean they're singing songs the meals and the kids have sheets and they're eating sheets to pika Kansas and I said yeah and then she says and then the sumptious meal you know she says potato pudding meaning kle and so on and so I said yeah you have it every Shabbat and then she gave me the greatest schmoo I ever got in my life on Shabas do you know how lucky you She says to me, "You know what it means getting the family together every week and having such wonderful meals and getting together? We have it maybe twice a year." She says, "Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, they have it every week and the grandparents come to the meals." We spoke to grandfer explaining it to me and and she says, "How lucky?" And then I I had to ask her a question. I says, "You know, where do you come to Shabbat? I live in a condominium and on that floor there's a family Jewish family. Interesting that it was not the Kabad. It was Kabad. There's was a little day school then in Pika and whoever it was I know what the person did for a living whatever they were living out there and they once invited me to come for the meal. I tried to invite myself to the house all the time and she gave me I really expected when we off the plane that one day a year from now I'll meet her and she's wearing a tickle. She's McGuire and lives in Mearm. She was so great about it. That was the greatest about our families that we have. We are so lucky. We are so lucky really. Um what kind of we have kind of life we have. Let's keep at it. Thank you so much for your time. [Music]