Rabbi Simcha Barnett: 48 Ways to Successful Living, Part 3

so we're in the third of the 48 ways the first way was constant study and we talked about how life is really to gain wisdom wisdom is the basis really for all advancement in life the second thing that we talked about was shemitah oh isn't that you have to really listen the interesting point about that was that it did not take for granted that we actually take things in because we are so conditioned to interpret something a certain way then often we don't even listen to what's coming into our ears so the first point really was no no no back up listen to what's coming in your ears avoid the temptation to interpret and really then try to understand what another person saying and to challenge your opinions and assumptions and that led to definitions of discussion about definitions which was very interested because if someone can really have a clear definition if two people who are debating a topic have a clear definition you they would really be able to come to unemotional resolution of conflict I think often it's because you're throwing words around without a clear definition and it's kind of hyperbole so that was the second class so the third that we're up to now is but a rehearsed sips of Siam and that means arranged it on your lips articulate in other words to get wisdom to get understanding there there needs to be a process of articulation speaking speaking and saying things out loud very interesting a point I just want to make back up a little bit because we don't always appreciate that there's incredible power to speech and to language now you know it's no coincidence that civilization modern civilization is usually earmarked to about 5,000 years ago that's when civilization came to play and they were able to make technological advances tools cities and civilization that capacity came directly from a capacity of using language they don't know how language was developed there's miracle but language was the capacity the vehicle which allowed for progress because if you can't articulate something you can't bring it from the thought in your head into reality into the world so language was really the vehicle which brought something not real something spiritual something vague and amorphous into reality and it really paved the way for progress and that's very fascinating because if you think about a human being the mouth is the bridgehead between thought and action between spiritual and physical the words that we say that we articulate is the first is the physical izing of the spiritual thought process it's very fascinating your mouth is it that Brigid so it's the command center really for bringing physical things into the world through spirituality fascinating language rules a friend of mine a good friend of mine we're talking very recently about the Israel Israel Arab conflict and you know the whole Palestinians and the occupation and we're doing the nightly series this week about it Suns in my mind and he told me that the whole conflict has really resolved revolved around linguistics Edward Saheed who was the professor at Columbia he was linguist he was the one that's coined and started the idea of Palestinians Palestinians and their movement and their country and you say it long and I even though it's a bit of an illusion because there was never a people called Palestinians there was a country called Palestine which happened to be created by the Romans when they kicked the Jews when they conquered the Jews they wanted to get rid of all Jewish connection to the land so they called that land that we called Judea at the time they called it Palestina that was where the Dare was where it came from there was never a Palestinian people unless you want to say the Jews were Palestinians so interestingly enough he told me solve this problem very easily this is how he was saw the problem when CNN or any reporter would go up to a settler in the West Bank and say to them you are occupying Palestinians land the settler should say what are you talking about I'm Palestinian then what do you mean you're Palestinian I'm Palestinian I live in the country called Palestine Palestine is this the same is this another word for Israel Israel and Palestine it's been called that for a thousand years I'm Palestinian she would say if every Jew got up there and said they're a Palestinian they throw it they would throw the whole debate in up in the air it's very true because now the Palestinian illusion the was built upon that there's this construct called you know it's us and we're Arab easy no no I'm Palestinian and it's very it's fascinating but because the debate and the reality is defined by language another expressed another example of that which you might relate to even if the other one is a little bit counterintuitive you know they talk about the occupation now it bothers me to no end that they call it the occupation or the occupied territories because twenty thirty forty years ago the Jews we used to talk call those not the occupied territories but the disputed territories because for the Jewish point of view the Israeli point of view those territories were never accepted by the Arabs they were no-man's land the Jordanians gave up all claims to that land so we say there's the Stosur disputed territories we've had a claim we've lived in these biblical lands for thousands of years we have just as much of a claim to the territory as the Arabs have a claim to territory they're not occupied territory they're disputed territory but but do you understand that in in accepting that language and even now when Israeli diplomats respond to questions about occupied territories instead of basically saying we don't hold of that and they keep using the word disputed they're basically capitulating to the narrative and therefore giving the narrative reality even though the now have that it's their land versus horses there's no more real one-point position than the other but by using the language of my capitulating to the language you're creating reality man it's a fascinating fascinating idea and if he really goes this goes back to the very beginning story in the Bible where God formed man from the dust of the ground and he blew into his nostrils a soul of life and man became a living being now uncle estate aramaic commentator says the living being means a speaking spirit the power that God breathed into Adam roughly five thousand seven hundred and eighty years ago which coincides with all linguistics that language started that time this was the gift that made man man it was the gift of speech for the ability to take thought spirituality and put it into the world in a physical way so let's cook an introduction to this way which is now arranging it on your lips what does that really mean now cephus ayam the word self-assign lips is very interesting because it also means in the hebrew the shore like sh o r e like the shore of a river the two stew banks of the river the shores because what are the lips do they cut it can they they divide up from the bottom and that's what the shores of a river do they divide one part of the river from the other part of the water from the land so what what lips do is they divide and they distinguish one thing from another and that's what the S idea of speech does the power of speech arranging something on your lips articulation allows us to distinguish one thing from another concepts one from the other it divides and it helps us pick clarity now it's fascinating I don't know how many of you have gone into a Jewish study hall gone to a base measures they call it whether it is rayul or America but when you go there remember in Jerusalem is based medicine I haven't met happened to have met a congressman actually at the time he was a state assemblyman he and his wife came to a discovery seminar that Asia Torah was putting on in the old city and I ended up from that seminar staying and studying for a number of years so about a year later a year and a half later after I started studying someone comes to me and says hey there's a congressman outside he and his wife and and they were with another congressional couple and they came to visit me and they couldn't believe the study hall because you when you approach 50 yards away you hear this this den this huge racket like like like like a thousand voices are yelling each other and it's like thunderous and they're used to a library that's where you go to write and to study into and to collect your thoughts and in a Jewish study hall it's full of full of speech full of articulation full and that's the Jewish approach it's actually fascinating because when I you know I've had people over my house and I work with people for many many years introducing them to Judaism in different ways so so one of the things people do is they pray they start praying maybe when they were kids they learned Hebrew but you know they start getting involved in prayer they might come in and do the after blessings of benching at a Shabbat meal or saving some blessings you know out of a book but I find it's fascinating when you see newbies do this often they don't say the words in the sitter in the prayer they don't say the words in the blessing they don't say the words in the benching they read the words they're so used to when there's a book in front of them with written words on a page they're not used to saying those words actually for real out loud then what they do is they read the words don't even realize it often I have to point out to someone they're benching no no you have to read it you have to move your lips same thing with prayer you have to move your lips it's not a Western form of study or it's just fascinating people just don't they don't chill do it's a hard thing to get a hold up again when you go to study hall and when you're learning you're told to say it out like I'm reading a book I have a book in front of me in Hebrew I'll actually read the words and say it out say it out loud so what does that do for first of all what it does is it helps you really concentrate you know when you when you're reading and you kind of like go in and out and it's hard to stay focused it helps you stay focused and it helps you concentrate but more than anything more than anything saying something out helps you clarify how many I remember in high school you know the teacher would ask a question and or they would say something in theory or whatever it was and I would have a a great answer or a great question to ask teacher and you put your hand up you know you'll call me calling me and as soon as you start how many times this happened to any of you as soon as you start saying the question or saying what you're about to say you realize it wasn't a question at all in the process of articulating the thought that you had in mind the clarity that comes from articulation you realize it really wasn't so all it was cracked up to be when it was in your head so the most important thing I'm really saying things out is that it gives you clarity on what you have in your head because the things in our head is sometimes very vague very ephemeral not worked out it's sort of a lazy man's way of kind of operating in the world so the the rigor the habit that's formed from saying things out from reading you're learning even if it's weird you know in Hebrew I'm used to it because that's what we do but even in English you're reading something about Tory reading something about life say it out read it out and take something big and it really clarifies it the other thing is that what it gets you in the habit of doing is it gets you in the habit of really distilling words into what the takeaways are I mean how many times you go to a you'll hear at or a lecture or you'll hear even a depart or five minutes ten minutes and you know something they'll say what did they what did they say and you really can't summarize it you know it's kind of frustrating actually you'll hear a lecture you'll come away he was great what do you say I don't know yet you the the the analytical ability the habituation to take what you're hearing and to summarize it he made these three points a b c d this was the takeaway this was the takeaway part of that takeaway also can can be a slogan once you have what the main point is you make a slogan to remember it this is how you build up wisdom this is how you build up clarity clarity in life the other thing actually good good about this we mentioned it last week is that say we even having a debate with somebody you're sharing different different views by saying okay let me get something straight let me repeat that what you were saying what your argument is how many often do we do that you don't usually do it but what that does also is it makes the it makes it more real and take something that's in your head and it concretize it gives reality and then you can examine it and analyze it it's tremendously tremendously important now for those of you I would just say since it is a little weird to us a little far to us maybe we should start when we learn Torah if we read a Torah thought an essay we're learning the hamish the five books of Moses we're whatever Torah thing we're reading maybe then is when we should try to get into this habit because really that's all it is habit say the words out loud they will have more reality more meaning it'll be more focused and you really understand more what you're about to say but another way to help concretize and help make things real in this in this fashion and this path is writing things out now that some of you may be familiar with that some of you made big journal but that's a really good thing to do as well you go to a lecture here write it out one sentence to set in summary it gets you in the habit again a concretizing and taking something that was and making it making it clear that's the idea because we want to why do we want clarity because we wanted to inform our decisions ultimately we do want to make decisions we do want to act but unless we get our wisdom clear and our understanding of life clear our actions aren't going to be decisive our actions are not going to be effective our actions literally our physical world is only as effective as the thoughts and the communication that precedes it it's very interesting because it brings me to this next point we're kind of turning the page and we're moving very close to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and it's interesting because Rosh Hashanah as many of you might know is is the head of the year Rosh Hashana Rosh Hashanah is all about thought is all about getting our minds back in sync with God's plan for the world like God's got a blueprint God's got a plan and I'm kind of getting my mindset jiggered and readjusted in concert with God's plan that's part of what Rosh Hashanah is it's really a holiday and I thought and that is removed him Kippur we have a lot of speech we have a lot of declarations we make a lot of deformations that I made this mistake and that mistake I'm going to do better and many many many of these declarations are actually about speech I believe 40% of the declarations the you know hate Michonne there was the quote-unquote confessional is about speech and the reason we're so focused on speech or less Hashanah is as I mentioned before is because if you get into that the the important point of changing our behavior we make a mistake that it actually is at the level of action meaning if I am impatient and I snap at my mom my wife that's why I got to fix up but the truth of matter is is that what we really have to fix up is the thought and the speech the communication that puts me in that situation or to take a better example because that's it was an example of snapping example of speech say a person will eat too much or a person will cut corners at work an action so you have to work on what is the base what is the thought process what are the the the things I'm thinking and I'm communicating that are getting those actions if you get on top of your communication you get on top of what you're thinking about what you're thinking about is more holy what you're thinking about is more ethical what you're thinking about is more sensitive and more uplifted then you're going to be less like that you're not going to act in ways that are antithetical to what you're thinking about how you're communicating imagine if a person never has a very crude example a person never cursed so obviously it automatically that actions would be less crude automatically it would it would put them on a framework where they're only thinking in more positive uplifting healing type of language not low type of language we don't realize that the the basis of Rosh Hashana the basis of change the basis of becoming a good person is not at level of action the basis of become a good person is level as the level of where are you thinking what are your beliefs and how are you communicating those beliefs and putting those beliefs into action now the next idea of arranging things on your lips why do we actually arrange things on her lips is because when you say something it has more commitment to it so this is the next step as becoming a you know a greater person once you clarify those thoughts and clarify what you really want that'll life and we all have ideas say that I really feel I need to make a commitment to being healthier for I need to curtail you know I don't know I need to commit talking to my children and in a nice way so usually we keep it in our heads usually we keep our resolutions in our heads imagine you got into the habit of saying I am going to watch my weight tomorrow I'm gonna get to do my best to not have that drink after dinner which sort of triggers me or I'm going to only be positive tomorrow of lifting to my children now you think it might it might be corny or sound corny but just the act of articulating what you want what you want you usually leave in the realm of thinking actually makes a commitment my father-in-law he always used to do this and he would say because he always had you know struggles with his weight so you even do you basically tell everybody I'm gonna die tomorrow or I'm gonna do this tomorrow or I just want everybody know I'm I first thought I was a little weird when you stood up but this is what he was doing he wanted to put it out there - in in words to make it more of a commitment to more solid and he wanted some accountability to it so this is the real deep power articulation besides clarity clarity is the number one goal but also in the realm of resolution and moving forward on what we want to do in life the more we can articulate it out loud to ourselves it's as if our good inclination inside of us will hold us accountable if you leave it mushy if we leave it as a wish most of those times those wishes go on unheard and unactive upon and kind of the last two points I want to make the first is work on giving yourself pep talks in other words once you articulate once you know what your values are once you get into the habit give yourself little pep talks this is what I want to do tomorrow get this I want to be doing my wife this is that give yourself a pep talk and as we said before turn it into slogans you know in Judaism we have slogans like SHM is relevant okay - Emma here or Israel or 'god's one my whole life is one realized gods one he's with me all the time Dom Zulu told this to is for the good that's another good slogan the third slogan that I remember off off the hand is if not now when evil o ox I've a Masai and I'm not gonna do something good now when so sometimes those I think a lot of times slogans get us off the chair get us into action now one thing you have to know about slogans though you have to change your slogans from time to time because all slogans can stop losing their their their bite right so you might have to come up with you know change your slogans rotate your slogans from from time to time so the last point I want to make is a deep point but I think it's also quite helpful is that one of the advantages for outcomes that will happen once we start articulating more of our inner thoughts and our inner feelings emotions and thoughts besides the clarification that's so very important besides working out what we believe in what we want to do besides making commitments which will actually help us get more things done in life and be more self actualized what it also does is that it will by articulating more and more of what we're used to think in our heads other things that we don't articulate will become more aware of what I mean is a lot of times we say negative things to ourselves inside I'm a loser I always make those mistakes I always do this is like a dialogue it's like a running dialogue that we have inside of ourselves sometimes it's positive but a lot of times there are a lot of negative messages that we hear inside you don't equate what we hear but once we start articulating our more positive aspects and the wisdom we have and the resolutions were making all of a sudden these voices will almost seem like fahren voices will become more aware of them well that times we're not even aware and so part and parcel of who we are we're obituaries out to beating ourselves up by by the process of articulating more of the things that our lives will wake up to this ongoing broken record or tape or mp3 so we have inside and we can listen we can hear it we can disavow it and we can change the tape we can substitute it with our clarity we can substitute it with the things we we woke up to and little by little a lot of those inner voices which rule and run a lot of our lives particular psychological disposition we can really make a very big change so anyway that is the business of us I am it's something I would recommend to everybody to really you know clarified articulate and start with Jewish topics start with writing a little bit more I'm telling you in the beginning it's it's kind of weird but it really really will change your life I'm telling you my what am i learning when I articulate and I work it out and oftentimes I'll be walking around and saying okay it's at this point point A to point B Point C right and that's what we should be doing in our lives and really really make us greater people today no one will think you're crazy because a lot of people walk and they talk and you think they're you know nuts because they got there they got their Bluetooth or they got their and their phones and they're speaking away so no one's even gonna twenty years ago they think you're crazy today you'll fit right in anyways anybody I have any questions or comments if you'd like to throw him before we before we break okay yeah good um you know I know the whole office is supposed to just you know when you pray only you should hear yourself and real buddy else next to Rex so does that doesn't really apply to no bench also as I was discussing my sound there you can say it because you're basically usually saying if you don't have to you don't have to hear yourself know you should know you definitely hear yourself you should hear you should whenever you say a blessing or you say a any blessing or any prayer you should definitely near yourself but you only have to do it as loud when you hear it and you could do it in a way that you hear it but not the other person that's generally what I do like say it loud enough that I hear it but not them and you're obviously talking when you're not finishing together when you mention together you can see it doesn't matter if you see that loud because you're kind of benching in unison you know but if your bench a little bit on your own you know you see a lot enough that you're not gonna bother them but you're gonna hear it now III again I find that when people get the more people are used to say things out loud and they used to Jewish study and your study halls where everybody's saying then it doesn't really they don't get bothered when you're saying it they're saying it when people aren't used to say things out loud that's when they start to get bother when they hear a pin drop you know it's it's something to just take my little eye I just noticed that's what happens when you get used to all singing out loud more of your study or your praying your blessings then it alone less and less of a problem okay just what I found yeah all right yeah yeah but okay anyway in its a very interesting very not not Western this idea of saying speaking out your learnings your arguments it's not westerns but it's very Jewish it's a key to key it's a key to clarity is a key little entirety in life okay Peter good to have in the line