Rabbi Shlomo Bochner "Priceless Dream of Building Generations"

thank you everybody for coming here tonight on special edition of let's get real with coach monatum tonight's year tonight's program is number 65 and we have a massive program here tonight on the channel a lot of people i want to again start every night by saying that all the people that come on every every sunday night unusually that um we really appreciate you coming okay and telling people about it and putting in what's up statuses and you know sharing with family and friends and the brand the program is growing tremendously and we're getting huge amounts of feedback from people and uh it's really making a big difference as we call it and it's really really groundbreaking all those people are watching the replay of this video on youtube please click on the like button and click on the finasten subscribe button so uh everybody can get the new videos as they come out i want to first start off with thanking all of our advertising sponsors every week that promote us first on the liquid scoop for which one is here in lakewood special thank you to robbie and yanis for promoting us on all the kazakh platforms we really appreciate it and a special thank you to mrs mika sopher from col for posting it on cll live and a special special thank you to kylo cal for digital summer for always always promoting us especially this program on the jc and jewish content networks we're always putting out all the digital platforms again for anybody to see the first time every sunday night me and coach monaco have a sheer tonight's number 65 special but uh please come here every sunday night we have special you know program robunnen special therapist and it's been a tremendous program helping really really thousands and thousands of people i want to start off first with saying a special thank you to coach menachem and to rip aronoya freed this sunday was tisha ball we put together a they put together had nothing to do with it a special efficient program was a bunch of speakers it was a smashing success we had thousands of views people got tremendous feedback was really unbelievable um next sunday we have uh july 25th we have rav god from merchant stroll he's been discussing how to make judaism real and really giving a boost to ourselves we need to really get into getting real with ourselves which would be an amazing program please already know about it now we have discussed with having what was there worldwide well known from the being the founder of bueno is a really special person and we have a lot to talk about tonight i want to give a special thank you for coming on tonight with everybody nobody knows tonight is his big charity event he's trying to raise money to really really help clients roll and he's taking out of his precious time from precious dreams from priceless dreams to come here tonight and really answer so many questions we got from all across the board so i want to give aggressive to coming here tonight let's start off with opening with coach menachem please open it up oh yeah welcome everyone to let's get real with coach minafin tonight is a special edition tuesday night usually with sunday night and for those who are with us we've done many many programs and our mission is to open up certain topics that many times people don't have where to turn to and we all know that when something lingers in our mind it lives in our own mind it can be sometimes very painful not to know where to go what to do and tonight's topic especially is is a pretty sensitive topic and it's a very sensitive topic for those who haven't gone through the struggle don't really understand and it's it's it's hard to understand what they go through but when those people struggle with this the questions that they have not knowing where to turn is it a question should they talk they shouldn't to who they should talk to what they should do is it a problem maybe not and all of those things going on in their mind can become a real problem and that was until bueno ellen came along but not only is it a place that we you can call them and ask them your questions whatever it is and get the support but they really hold your hand for those who need it from the beginning and through the whole process and it's it's hard to imagine same way we can't imagine people will go through these things the same way in you know when the when they see the light at the end of the tunnel when there's hashem the simha is english shire and and it goes it goes together a deep deep in the journey as dark as it is when you're going through and then when you finally finally come through another side amidst hashem and you're able to see some light that light is the joy is is is mama english or something that those who didn't go through can't imagine and um tonight we will hear stories we'll hear from ravi bachner and from other stories so we can grasp a little bit of what's going on and for those who have your questions tonight we have this here for to be with us tonight so we can ask your questions whatever it is and for those who need it and for all of us that's all of us on our journey whatever it is the ups and downs the dark places that hashem should give kayev to be able to go through and to do what we need to do with the help of others so again tonight we're going to discuss infertility and all those issues everything around it we've got a tremendous amount of questions from all over the board from many different angles memencan worked very hard to put together the questions in some type of order i'm a chem if we we're going to try to cover at least the the main questions and this time we'll try to take a few live questions um i'm going to read it back in this bio and then rub it back for the floor is yours the founded bonnet with his wife in 1999. it started out as a small fund to help couples in need of financial assistance for fertility fertility treatments and since turned into an enterprise with 27 chapters around the world funding hundreds of treatments and medicine each year with diagnostic labs in the forefront of genetic and fertility advancements with private fertile clinics and more rabbi bachmann is a visionary and day-to-day director of binolum and responsible for the birth of close to ten thousand babies born to date buena island's yearly budget is over fourteen million dollars of which robbie bachmann does not accept a penny for his work it's a bix close to having him on tonight thank you rebecca for making yourself available to the audience especially during the busy time as bueno island launches its annual campaign of the year have a bachmann floor is yours good evening it's a very proud moment i have to say to connect to claude israel and i would like to start with abraham and abraham response hashem shall help us all we should always be to hear from each other only give us all health children healthy children from our children our children should go on hashem's way we should be able to marry them off and have naka's generations and generations to come this is abraham which is basically covers the entire jewish life and our purpose for being in this world and the purpose for being hait tonight's get-together i guess is people have questions to ask i will try to answer all of them as the best as i can you need a special shattered ishmaeli for that too however i do want people to understand that under every question that is asked there are many answers can't always answer all the answers for every question we are going to try the best as we can i do welcome after this program anybody who has any more questions or wants to comment please feel free to email and i will try to respond as best as i can to each and every one everyone's comment every person's thought is very very important to me because this is how binodum was built with the heart and the thoughts of claudius i am ready to take my first question okay so i have tons of questions let's first start with a video if that's okay we're going to share a video and then we'll take a poll and then we'll do questions okay carry a bachelor yes yes let's start with the poll first okay everybody let's let's ask this two question paul launcher just to get from the feeling from the oil first question we're asking everybody it's anonymous everybody here tonight how common how common is infertility in our communities what's your guess zero to five percent of couples six to fifteen percent of couples or sixty percent sixteen percent or greater how common is infertility in our communities the second question i have is what do you think is the hardest challenge for couples going through an infertility issue do you think it's the hardest issue in your opinion would be finances a b emotional support c just basic knowledge doctors treatments what to do or number four living in a community with children and not having a child of your own so please answer those two questions i'll give you five seconds and then i'll show you the results if you wanna just respond to them in your version and then we'll go to the video and then we'll really we have about the questions here we'll try to cover okay they can't see the answer yet so give one second [Music] four percent of people here think that zero to five percent of couples have infertility issues in our communities 38 of people think it's six percent to 15 58 think it's 16 percent or greater rabbi and you're 20 plus years of experience what's what's what's the average well first of all is it depends how people grade what the word infertility means to somebody a minor issue might be infertility there's some people who are more knowledgeable in the field it takes a lot more than that to be case infertility the united states government has a statistic which is quite close to statistics to the state of israel too between one in six or one and seven couples will struggle somewhat in their fertility life with issues pertaining to infertility it doesn't mean that many of them are major issues some of them are issues which we can't even address even if we want to it's a widespread but the government rates this one in six in israel they rate it one in seven robert second question what do you think is the hardest challenge for couples with your fertility issue 13 people think it's finances 70 percent feel it's emotional support only 9 fields basic knowledge of doctors and treatments and a whopping 60 feel it's living in a community with children and not having a child of your own so i will add another option to answer this question is all of the above i don't want to get that because that would be the option no because it's so true it depends you have to understand everybody takes a challenge different than the other person some people will take certain things much easier than other people and some people take it much harder the truth is is really all of the above but there is one thing which i feel throughout my entire experience which i think is above all is fear f-e-a-r fear we are afraid if we're going to be successful if we're ever going to have a child or children if a couple when they start this journey can somehow get some kind of insurance we are going to have them yet children healthy children 90 of the load goes away because we will have musician there is light at under the tunnel for sure it's just a matter how fast we're going to get there and how hard it's going to get there fear is probably the strongest of all the feelings now fear does include in itself financial issues it includes itself the the pain of this of the treatment and how i'm going to be able to take it whatever comes along with it from my experience from my own experience and from the experience we're not dealing with thousands of people for so many years i think it's fear which is the biggest the biggest challenge when a cop begins the journey of infertility treatment okay scrambler let's start with a little video about robert bachmann's uh usual day how he starts his day or about the right you wake up usually afternoon or something like that right we'll start with that and then uh coach monash we'll start with some questions we have a lot let's go so what is the question [Music] 4 30 4 45 am the phone starts ringing for the calls coming in from that's the swirl i'm coming in from europe that's when i have a chance to sit in my kitchen take the phones and learn [Music] we go to daven very early because we never know what the day brings us typical day we'll start off sitting in the office in the morning taking phone calls from patients after that it's usually phone calls to doctors and centers because blood work has come back results have come and we have to deal with the doctors in the first part of the day [Music] late afternoon this is when the couples come home from work it's again couple times medicine time which can last seven eight o'clock at night night's supposed to finish by 9 30 10 o'clock at night but never finish it before 1am [Music] many times i can get a call 3 o'clock am tomorrow i'm getting results i can't sleep explain to me the worst case scenario and how good i can go the night is gone the night is over but she actually can't sleep when the struggle became very hard if i used to make deals within a bunch then i used to walk home we used to talk to muslim when i got married i thought i'm gonna have a whole bunch of children you don't want to give me a bunch give me one give me one only one and i remember for that one child i cried so much one only one you know and that also did not happen you know you feel like you reject it as much as we believe in hashem and we are meaning being human you're still angry every time i walked into this show i used to talk to myself schleimer control yourself control yourself you're sure you have to doubt them try not to get hurt but you're going to hear what you're going to see and people walk away from people that are in pain not because they're bad they don't know how to react they don't want to hurt you that was even more painful bless them after 120 years emotions are going to ask you know shalom you run through such a heart i'm not having children at least or you're there for other people they shouldn't they shouldn't feel your pain i just can't understand in 2019 2020 there's still people struggling and if it's only because of money how can we allow them [Music] i'm not complaining because was very good to this mitzvah i can't say we put together for this cause over 120 million dollars in the last 20 years and we have changed a lot of things in labs we really have done something for clouds and forever ever to go on but still not everybody yet is helped and everyone that's not there is painful [Music] wow okay so i think before before we get the questions that we got if rabbi bachmann if you can tell us a little bit from how how this whole organization bernoullm started if you can share with the islamic whistle from the organization well there actually there were many components that actually brought to the beginning of this organization but i'm going to refer to one because of i don't want to have i don't waste a lot of time on that on my personal story it's more detached but i want people to be able to ask questions so it all began in my opinion we were together once a group of people for treatment and my next door neighbor which was another couple and we were out of the country and it was a friday morning when our neighbor the couple came back and they approached my wife because i i guess i was that time dominating i wasn't back yet and they asked my wife that they need another twenty five hundred dollars they ran out of money and they do have to change their medication so they have to buy an entire cashier of medication it's very expensive fertility medication hormones is probably one of the most expensive medicine we can buy today so my wife says i lost my husband when i came home my wife put the question to me and i was searching for an answer to be quite honest so then my wife tells me listen [Music] we don't need it now for the moment they need it now for the moment if they're not going to have they're definitely going to lose their chance maybe you won't need it maybe you would but for the moment now they need it and we don't need it so we decided to give them the money and the end was they came home with twins unfortunately we came home empty-handed but when we heard the good news for them that there is positive news i remember my wife telling me looked what 2500 made it made it different in a person's life people's lives we knew then they were carrying twins we're part in this for 2500 hours i was very happy and i was very proud so that's when my wife started pushing the point more and more we should really open up something and help people pay for treatment people never were able to afford fertility treatment it was always very expensive i'm talking when you go to top-notch places not much labs and top-notch doctors they're very expensive always was it will always be and it's a pity to see people struggling to have a child children when only actually money is the barrier between them so this is when my wife came up with the idea she wants to open up an organization i was not sold on it that quickly to be quite honest little did i know what my future is going to hold but my wife spent months convincing me until that year it was airbn kipper i was going to with my kitten with my mother and she blocked me the door and she says you're not going to shoe until you don't promise me that you're going to join me with my neighbor it was a very emotional moment it's heavy and kipper and we have we had at that time major issues to discuss with the brain and should we were going through a very very hard time i had no choice i said yes nazim kipper after the fast i asked my wife so what's my job my job is my wife explained to me there's no money in the bank so the next sunday morning was the first time ever in my life that i approached a person for money i can't begin to tell you how the earth burned under my feet what in the world am i doing i pinched myself are you normal are you normal do you have no children you go around asking people for money but hashem has his ways this person gave me the first five thousand dollars i couldn't believe it when the mayor wrote out the check he says wow this is really what hashem wants the rest is history we raised for this cause it's probably close to 160 million dollars there are branches all over the world and when we say we're going to be celebrating almost 10 000 children these are 10 000 children that we paid for there are other 10 or 15 000 children that did not need my money they only needed my guidance my connections getting them better deals in hospitals and centers there's an empire out there from children that were born from this hazard this is one of the components that brought brainerd into this world let's get into some questions the way that came in somebody sent a question from a woman i've been married now for three years without children my husband keeps on telling me to relax we'll take it easy take some time we can't afford to even start thinking about this stuff can you advise me first of all how to deal with my husband a and b what's the first steps for couples who are not pregnant after three four years so first of all there's a question age it's very different when we're talking about a 22-3 year old woman are we talking about women that's 30 plus or 35 plus a huge difference but let's say we're talking about a young woman three four years is a long time it doesn't mean it means something serious what i do in this case is i send them both for blood work now from blood work you can get more or less a feeling are we dealing with a major issue or it's an issue which is i would say sometimes a non-issue in the end but it's something which we can deal with with time but if we do get some signals in the blood work that we're dealing with something major then we do recommend treatment asap because age plays a major role in the biological clock now i know there are a lot of women out there especially singles they push off freezing preservation because no i have time i'm still young my mother had children in this age my grandmother this is so not true in this day and age it's a very very different world today every year makes a difference i'm not going to tell you about 22 23 is as major as 30 to 31 or 35 to 36 however i do believe in doing non-invasive blood tests blood work and from there we should judge where we proceed how should she deal with her husband the husband doesn't want to deal with it right now well i as far as i know wives have a very good way how they get their husbands to do whatever they think they should be doing look what my wife made me do [Laughter] okay this is a follow-up question a few people are texting right now it's a general question is there any age limit women in the late 30s or early 40s were still still be able to have children and would they be able to get assistance via bueno idol i'm sorry i missed the beginning of the question is there any age limit can women in their late 30s or even early forties get a city anyone no there is no age limit as long as a woman can produce a follicle we get a doctor a decent doctor they give the okay to move on we will be there for them okay thank you for that somebody who gives money to bernie is asking a general question i always give money to the islam i support them i said i think it's a tremendous thing that you're doing for clay israel but i'm just curious can people in these situations just get the proper medical insurance that covers most of these treatments now the answer is technically there's really no insurance however however there's a law passed in new jersey if you are an employee of a company of over 50 employees you are eligible for insurance but most of my patients do not work in companies from over 50 employees and in the office i think over 100 employees in new york not every center has to take insurance even if you have the insurance so throughout the united states i think there are three or four more states that have mandatory insurance most do not have but i want to add a point which is very important some of the real top-notch centers do not take insurance at all regardless what you have you might have out of policy rewards network whether you can get back money it depends on insurance company but by far and large i would say 97 98 of patients that come to us do not have any insurance coverage at all we have a question from someone asking about their neighbors he's saying he's not his neighbor doesn't have kids for 10 years he's not trying to minimize the pain but doesn't it just make sense just to adapt at this point instead of being so out of it depressed and borrowing hundreds of thousands of dollars absolutely not adoption is not an exchange for having your own child adoption unfortunately has a long history of being very complicated children when they grow up being adopted many of them are going through a very very hard time i'm not saying this should not this is not an option to be exercised at all but to consider adoption over struggling for your own biological child that's not an option at all okay right now somebody just texted just curious what age would you recommend the single girl should start freezing your eggs i'm sorry i didn't hear the question which age well honestly my opinion would be in the late 20s does not mean if they didn't do in the late 20s they shouldn't do it up to any age you could because we have seen women be met sleeve but by foreign large i do encourage them to do it as early as as young as possible they don't have to use them shema helps they do a shidduch and they try naturally and many of them do have children they don't have to go back to it but we have seen unfortunately many women in the early 30s are not producing the way we would like them to see at that age this is a very powerful question so let's just take a breath before we ask the question we've been trying for many many years all over the world all different types of ivf treatments the doctor came in the last time after our last failed treatment and he basically said to us it's not going to happen we're never going to have children of our own as a premier is there a time just to give up and stop this unbearable thing absolutely not i you're asking me we call this a very blind question i don't know the story i don't know who the doctor was we always should look for somebody else another opinion i want to quote you something from the alta bell he once said a person came into him crying he says my i'm ill and my doctor told me that he has exhausted every option of trying to heal me what am i going to do so the bells that have told them maybe he has exhausted all these options doesn't mean that somebody else does not have any options now again this is a very general question it's a very general answer but by far and large i can tell you that in my experience from all these years we have had people that were told by many times by the even by good doctors ain't gonna happen it did happen so always we should go and try to look for another opinion we do a lot of that work for people consultation when they bring us all the paperwork and we review it for them and many times we came up with ideas that was never tried on that before and they were let's leave never give up because there's no reason to give up okay let's go to the next question over here so many over here i live in a beautiful development with a lot of from neighbors as you can imagine everyone has children and families some even have as much as 15 siblings 15 children shabbos afternoon in the summer looks like a camp my closest friend and neighbor is 32 and has been married for many years without children the issue is it's so hard to talk with her most of the woman's conversation is about our kids i'm not sure how to make her feel comfortable almost every conversation is painful for her please advise the way to be a true friend so a person's asking for their neighbor who doesn't have kids for many many years and every time they're together the conversation is always about children and that she sees that's how from that person i'm so glad you asked this question because this question has been asked thousands of times and it's a very important question and i will say again no answer fits for all however i do want that people that have hashem a family of children should understand that people that are struggling with fertility are no different than them we are all our people i had no children unfortunately and i did not like but my friends stayed away from me i lost all my friends when i went somehow people found out it was struggling with children i was going for treatments i got back some of my friends maybe 22 or 23 years later after they finally decide oh i'm not having any more children so we can bring him back into the loop this is so wrong and maybe so crude too if a couple has no children lives in a neighborhood where there are a lot of children they should be brought into every discussion make them feel good yes we have to use common sense when this person is amongst us we should try to avoid issues which directly talk about our children but there is so many other things to talk about and make this person part of the conversation the worst thing you can do to a couple struggling fertility to lock them out this adds so much pain and so much unnecessary suffering for them why why am i different you know many times i used to go to weddings i used to walk into a hall thousands of people were there and i felt all alone haki feel alone i used to told myself you're here amongst all the people why you feel so alone but feelings are true i felt i'm alone why am i alone because i didn't feel anybody related to me everybody knew this man has no children and so and so why am i being treated differently this was one of my major struggles i worked very hard on myself i overcame and i tried to counsel couples today that they should live their own lives and not worry how people relate to them but for the people around this couple yes you might have to add another few seconds of thought how are you going to deal when this person is amongst us but it's a mitzvah to get these people involved call them to somehow it's their option if they want to come or not don't make them feel much worse than they are feeling now because ah these people also understand that we don't belong here this is unnecessary hurt and unnecessary suffering yes a little more common sense how we're gonna deal when we are all together but we should be all together no reason no reason why they cannot be part of everything in our lives would you count would you counsel couples to open up to put the pink elephant on the table to tell tell their neighbors you know i would love to be part of it no absolutely not this is not a discussion that people struggle with fertility enjoy nobody wants their privacy invaded no however if somebody has tachlas could really do something not just to enter around and talk around with other people's issues just to try to pry this is how sometimes these people feel are they only they probably know what's going on but us no tactless maybe this person needs somebody to talk to the rabbi to the masjid to the heart yes do something constructive and maybe they're struggling financially too there's so many things that we can do which is really tackles helping your neighbor and your friend if you really care just to pry and get involved in their personal life is an absolute no-no somebody just texts me a question i want to address it quickly what should a parent's role be in a children's life especially when they don't talk or share they leave the parents in the dark while they see the child is struggling with that issue so this question actually needs an answer which is going to go back many years it really depends the relationship from parents to the children i have many cases where the parents are involved literally on a daily basis which i think is too much too there are parents which when they find out that their child has some infertility they get lost they're not here they can't face it they can't deal with this issue that's also wrong there's always a happy medium there's nothing wrong when mommy invites the couple to their house with no other siblings around and there's nothing wrong with mommy sits on the couch after lexen and talks to her heart to heart i don't want to get involved i don't want to get close to your issues private you your husband but i want you to know shay fella i'm your mother i'm hurting i want to help is there anything in the world that i can do to make this journey for you easier now the parents also have to be sure that if they're going to be answered that they need help they should be able to give it if they're not going to be able to comply whatever they offer rather than not offer but there is a way there's a common sense where there's always a middleweight there's always a highway that how we can talk to the children one thing i will tell you something children that struggle in fertility are yearning they're yearning for the love from the parents understanding from the appearance everybody has a different ingredient to it not not every family is alike however to get lost and disappear from the screen is extremely painful get involved on a daily basis ask questions when you're not getting the answers have cycle walk away but always to try in a small way i want to get i want to help you is there anything i can do for you and don't push it too far when you see there's no response coming this is really what the couple wants to hear they want to feel that they have a rock behind them there's somebody there for them okay rebecca i'm going to give you a little break brought on danielle fleischer over here he wants to share her story with the oil daniel if you could be kind enough i know this is probably uh interesting place but uh you know this some thousands of people that are watching this and they're going to watch who knows how long you cheer for people that are going through this your story and give the physic the floor is yours well first of all thank you for having me and rabbi bachner always a pleasure to see you to speak with you um where to start with our story i can say that you know unlike many other couples who sometimes it takes a few years to realize that maybe there's an issue they should go see someone my wife and i found out pretty early on um we were married only a couple of months and she had a different medical issue nothing major and while she was being checked up that happened to be that the doctor saw something and told us you know you're going to have a hard time having children and you might want to see someone about it we went to see a doctor and you know he tried to help us out a bit we didn't know who to look for what to look for which centers was good which ones were not we went to see a doctor that a relative recommended for us um it was not successful and we didn't know where to go next we did not have a great experience at the doctor so we knew we didn't want to continue there i called up my rashishiva at the time just you know to get a boost to get some physique from him and told him the whole situation told him what was going on i i still remember it clearly like it was yesterday he was quiet for a few seconds and he said danielle stay by your phone i'm gonna call you back in a few minutes okay he hung up the phone i'm waiting and a few minutes later he called me back and he said here's the phone number this is the phone number for rabbi bachner he heads an organization called boniolum and give him a call he's going to help you out so azerbaijan mentioned before making that initial phone call is not easy you know you always want to give to tadaka's you don't want to be the one who has to be the recipient or the beneficiary of itseduca but you know it took a couple minutes for me just to get my nerve up and i called him he right away was able to put me at ease and he helped us out he sent us told us which doctor to do what you know tests run and that really started our journey in earnest was you know when we really really got into it it was not easy even from then on we went to a couple doctors had some tests they found that we had a variety of different things that was affecting us and we went for test procedure iuis i don't even know how many we did and nothing seemed to work at one point we said okay it's time to switch to ivf the doctor didn't think that it was even necessary at first for us to do ivf he thought iui would be fine we switched to ivf and our first one was a complete disaster because we didn't even have a single egg that fertilized in our first ivf cycle so my wife went through all the drugs the hormones everything with nothing you know we had zero to show for it our second round was a little bit better but again was unsuccessful before our third cycle we did some additional testing so they can see what was going on um we did our third ivf cycle and i could still remember one of the office staff there my wife was you know sort of friendly with her and i remember she called us up with the results screaming to tell us that it was successful that my wife was pregnant you know just try to give over what the excitement is to get something like that it's it's impossible you know if you're there you you to see it to experiences to try to give it over now all these years later i i can't so we you know we thought great we're done right we got past the hard part she's pregnant she's actually pregnant with twins so we're going back to the appointments the follow-ups everything seems to be going great and on our the last day sorry i have to back up a bit but at the time i was trying to go with my wife to all the appointments and i was taking off time from work and they didn't have the options now where you can work from home it really wasn't available back then and i was missing time at work and then my boss called me into his office one day to tell me i'm sorry you're missing too much time if you miss any more extra time we might have to fire you so at that point my wife had to start finding you know rides to get to her appointments and i was not even able to be with her which was very difficult one day it was supposed to be our you know graduation day from the fertility specialist i told my boss well in advance that i was like saving my last day to go with her because i wanted to be there for it and we went into the appointment and we the doctor you know i remember seeing the doctor's face with the ultrasound machine and he was looking and i just saw in his face something seemed wrong and we found out that you know my wife had miscarried the pregnancy and i'm sorry even now a few years later i'm starting to tear up from the snap i was crushed i i didn't know what to do i couldn't function i don't even remember exactly i know i drove my wife home i had to go into the office because i didn't have the full day off and i remember driving into the office and having to pull over on the way there because i just i couldn't think straight and i just didn't like feel like i could drive it was you know i could say probably one of the worst days that i ever had in my life when you think you're like just you know flying so high and you just come crashing down at that point they ran some more tests to try to figure out why she had miscarried and at that point the doctor told us i don't think this is going to work and you should probably look into adoption again you know within a couple days after that first one another crushing day a horrible thing to hear for us and i called up rabbi bachmann i was crying hysterically i called upon bachma and i told him what the doctor said and rabbi bachner said what do you mean he's a doctor hashem told him doesn't give the doctors permission to tell you that you're not going to get better hashem gives the doctors permission to heal so we're going to send you to another doctor this is what they said the issue is there's a doctor in new york who you know they might have a way to treat that and he sent us to another doctor we went to that doctor he checked out my wife and he said yeah there's a procedure maybe we can do but i think before we do that we might want to try one ivf cycle because i'm not sure that it really would be such an issue but you know i really think that we should do one ivf and if it doesn't work then we can talk about the procedure it has a very low success rate if it goes wrong then you're really going to ruin any chance you have really of ever carrying your own child to term but let's try that one ivf it might be your last shot so we went in you know drove into the city all the times had the appointments and what can i say you know it was the one that worked so you know my wife got pregnant with twins and again you know now i realized it wasn't necessarily the hard part that we got over the hardest part you know there was still a long road to go rabbi bachner also set us up with the best specialist for high-risk pregnancies in the area um who we went to um he still to this day will tell us that my wife's case was the most difficult case he ever encountered in his entire career uh we heard he has a picture of our twins front and center on his desk and you know our hashem you know we made it our kids were born slightly premature they were born at um 32 weeks about 30 between 32 and 33 weeks i guess one of the perks of ivf is you know exactly how far along you are um and you know they stayed in the nicu for a little bit and they came home our hashem they're healthy you know i told them in advance when you first called me about this that i wouldn't be able to bring my kids out because they're in camp for the summer so you know they can't be here with us tonight you know i want to share share the picture of your kids with everybody and um thank you so much for being vulnerable and being you know telling everybody a story it means a tremendous amount this is a picture of danielle's twin boy and girl if everybody could see it two beautiful children i'm actually going to even share i want to share the bar mitzvah picture because i think it's such a nice picture if we could share that one also sure the bar mitzvah was just a few weeks ago it's actually um my my children's birthday is the 14th of tamos so really you know less than less than a month ago as the bar mitzvah wow and neil thank you so much guys back there we have so much more ground to cover you ready ready okay i want to ask about secondary infertility i had three kids the first seven the first seven years of our marriage we took a large break but now we're trying for a few years and going nowhere i have two questions for you does it make sense to reach out to bueno island for help we feel guilty with hashem we have a family but there's so many people who don't even have any children that's a and b how common is secondary infertility okay the first question first now a person should always reach out to ben island whether it's going to be financial help or is going to be somebody that can guide you get you into a good doctor you review your blood work and your your entire file get you better prices and send us we have done this always and we will always do this right now actually for many many years until last year we were basically only able to finance primary now primary i would like people to understand i'm not talking about the primary couple are so many things that binding spends millions of dollars which is related to primary people the primary couples for instance we have a huge program that cost us a year millions of dollars genetics now we're just going to focus on that alone all the resources we have we have to put in place that a person should at least first have one child many other services are involved but all this is spent at least to give everybody that comes to us a chance to have first child last year when we had the charity which was just a year ago we reached a goal of 5 million dollars and i got onto the mic and i pleaded with claudia if you give me another million dollars i will open up a secondary program waiting for this second child the theme of that event was not to be alone the children are alone single children are alone so my heart ached for them i wanted to do something for them so we raised another million dollars and i actually the last 12 months we were sponsoring in part people struggling to have their second child when a couple is up to the third and fourth child it doesn't fall to that category but we can be an immense source of help for them we do get excellent prices at centers which the couple themselves will never get we do review their files which i stressed it a few times tonight because i find this sometimes to be the key that they should be now the second question is it off how often is secondary it's not it really depends what the cause for the primary was many times more than many times after having their first child a lot of issues get settled and they don't have to struggle again become secondary patients however if the issue in the first place was something which is i would call it a built-in problem yes they might have to struggle but let me add a point when you do a treatment in a good center and you are with sleek even though to walk away only one baby but we are able to harvest and freeze embryos it doesn't mean that you have to go through this entire process all over again it's like 25 of the work to have another child and way cheaper so a secondary can have an entire family after being a primary without doing any treatments too okay let me ask let me ask the next question a very interesting question i have a bosnia it's a little bit off topic but i i want to ask it anyway is that okay sure okay i'm a fundraiser for a large voices and sometimes i just feel like giving up people ignore you and make you feel bad and the expenses on demands keep on growing out of control my question to you is how do you do this incredible moist your budget is in the millions upon millions i'm sure the pressure from the needy people is unbearable just need physic for myself and extremely important needed as well just somebody who's you know this is what you do talk about that so first of all to that ask and i will tell them welcome aboard this happens all the time it happens every hour in the day the key to success is how much you yourself believe in the mitzvah that you're doing if you believe that this is a mission that hashem set you on then you should be able to handle all these all these hardships for myself i never wanted to do binaural it's not my brainstorm and i don't like what i'm doing to be honest with you this is not me this is not my character but i got to realize and with the hezekiah israel but this is what hashem wants for me once i started believing that i am shalif from israel as many hot chips were thrown my way and they're not easy sometimes i go to sleep at night so frustrated i can't even explain it but i do know the underlying feeling is who am i doing this for i'm doing this for the bunch then i'm doing this for cloud israel tomorrow morning will be a better morning and tomorrow will be a better day when you go with that feeling knowing that you're feeling that you're fulfilling a mission in life don't people work very hard for pranossa don't they have setbacks of business but they could but they continue why would they continue very simple because they have to they have to bring bread to the table for their for their families if you believe in your mission the way you believe that you must bring pronouns to the house you'll be able to overcome these hardships too here's a question from a single boy i'm a single booker who's rather shadow to an amazing girl and really want to get engaged my family did research and seems like there are two siblings that having infertility issues and my family is concerned can you give me some ideas on how to deal with the situation well when it comes to a shidduch there's nothing wrong that the person who is involved in should ask questions it's his life or her life it's that person who they're going to set up life together and have a family together questions should be asked but just because two siblings don't have any children don't mean that this person we're talking about has issues too it could be from the other side of the marriage it could be a husband it could be your wife there's so many options that can be that really doesn't pertain anything to this person yes it's prudent and it's wise to do some homework there's nothing wrong to ask the shotgun this bothers me can i have an answer for it most people will come forth with an answer i just actually tonight there was a at some place in new york which i was involved there was a boy spoken for a girl which there are two siblings actually exactly the story that you said that have a certain issue now that issue i feel might be genetic but we couldn't place anything we couldn't find a gene responsible for it and after consulting one doctor another doctor we came to the conclusion that we can move on but we had all the information that we needed nothing wrong to ask always ask but it doesn't mean that there is a problem with the spirit but this person actually that was speaking this is coming from a couple that's starting with the whole treatment my wife and i are starting to starting to get checked out after a few years of marriage with our children i'm asking a very broad question what is the course range for simple solutions to more complex since i plan to ask our parents for financial help i have to know what to ask them that's a and b okay i'm muted by mistake we muted him so just i'll mute him whatever's there in the room exactly yeah just want me to thank you i'll read the question again my wife and i are starting to go going to get checked and after two years of marriage we have you know we have no children just asking a very broad question what's the cost range for simpler solutions to more complex since i'm planning to ask my parents for financial help also is it okay to ask bueno oil to pay if i technically could borrow or get the money from family okay again first question first before they do anything there's really nothing what to worry about we have to wait for the results for the first test to come back and i always encourage people that there are the most the majority of people do not have major issues so we don't have to be scared we don't have to be afraid we don't have to in the beginning worry what's going to be in the end and there is no set plan nobody knows what's going to be in the end we are eating we believe in hashem we have a munda we have to do our tablets and move on no there's no nobody knows what's going to be in the future however majority of people don't have any major issues so before they do any testing this is not even a place to start worrying about it after the results come back hopefully the majority will not have to ask this question anymore because there won't be a major issue if there is an issue involved if your question was should they ask their parents for help absolutely yes parents come first and if they feel comfortable asking their parents for sure going to your second question which actually for a second i forgot what was the second question they can get the money they can borrow it yes okay a very important a very important point which i feel i'm happy you asked this question because this this this point has to be brought out to the public once and for all people have a feeling that bueno islam is the atm machine why not take from the program why not people have to understand we get no funding from no government and from no major foundations every dollar that we give out is coming from people from eden some of them are poor people they will scrimp and save and give money for binary them if somebody has the way it means to get his treatments financed in his own is not fair to come and ask from bernadette i might know the difference i might help you because whatever whatever documentation you bring me i will follow those and if it says that you're not earning money i will have to give you money and i'm happy to do it but if the person knows by himself that he can really manage on his own you're literally taking away from somebody else it's not that i always have enough money it's only a matter who gets it most of the time i never have enough there's always more people in need that when i have the public has to realize that this is money from the copa this is the money from saduka this has to be taken very seriously if you do not need the money don't take this money and that's how hashem will help you that you won't need help from anybody else but if you do need it please do not hesitate to come and ask we live in a small out of town community and we don't have any resources and volunteers as a community we want to be helpful for someone who needs that physical advice what can the community do to give these people what they need so a community if they're serious about it we can help them we can train them but we can set them up we have today many communities throughout the united states literally almost in every state where there are eden living whether it's cleveland chicago texas california in new jersey whichever one there are is denver colorado we set up many of these groups in all these places and the hashem a lot of them will do this on their own if there is a will we will definitely show them the way how to do it and it is the right way to do it because people the community do have a feeling they care more for people in their own community yes i encourage that very strongly and we are here ready to help that rebecca wasn't there a story when the community that uh they put together a story once a long time ago i remember hearing it about a community that all got together you came there the country and then they see you you had to ask you a private question for help remember that story the whole community set up that event for them yes this is this is this is a major story that's happening actually overseas this is i'm sorry the story yes so this story actually was one of the stories that still today gives me a boost in my arms what it does for claudius and mainly how we have to trust hashem so this story happened there was a community it's not in the united states of america not important to mention where the country is so they set up a new chapter of bun island they made their first dinner and they asked me to come down to speak and the entire town came the entire town meant approximately 350 people small town we all came it was such a warm dinner it was such a warm showing it was such a warm involvement i i really was taken aback i felt so good and so it was really beautiful after the dinner was over and i was waiting for my car actually to take me home and i see in the corner of the ballroom there's a man still standing there looking on his phone there's nobody in the hole they have packed up the table at this i'm just waiting for my ride so i was hoping to myself what is this person here for so by doing this and getting involved with people for so many years i developed a certain sense i can censor people that need people in need or a person i need far away from me and i have a feeling this man is looking for me this comes along actually when you get involved with people you get sensitive to feelings of people so i walked over to him and i gave him shimalakum did you attend tonight at dinner i wish i was gonna say yes and i was going to answer veldi thank you tap him pound him on his shoulder and he says no i did not attend this dinner so what do you do now it's one o'clock in the morning i came to talk to you okay here i am so i knew my intuition was right so he says this is my story this man has gone through literally literally i get him in this world and he mentioned to me all the sentences where he tried to be treated and he was not that slave so i asked him how can i be of help it says i want you to sponsor me a treatment in the united states the united states of america today is most probably the best infertility treatment we do things in other countries are far far behind i would like you to spend some new treatment now this treatment for this person to bring well the united states we're talking was probably in the range of 40 to 50 grand it says yes i will discuss it with uh the group of people from this from this town and we'll see all i can do for you but i won't let you down give me a hug and he left i turn around and i see my other guys which actually put all didn't again they're ready for me to come home and they come over to me and they ask me so what what did this person want from you he says what he wanted to me he wanted i should sponsor a treatment in america i do not know this is all planned how smart i am sometimes i'm quite silly i don't pick up on these things and they tell me epsilon this entire dinner was put together for this man for this couple we all came out to support him so this whole dinner getting together 350 people flying down giving up almost a half a week was for one couple i came back to the united states i got in touch with the doctor and it wasn't easy to get this person in the doctor didn't give us a lot of hope he was quite hesitant to try because he he looked the papers he said look everything was done everything was trying they all failed what makes you think i'm going to be successful i told the doctor we have to try the best we can does he have a decent amount a decent chance of being successful i remember the words it says i wouldn't say decent but there is a chance so i told the doctor do you know i'm just coming back from a dinner this this town where this man lives the entire community came out to support this couple they want him to have a chance for you you take him out he says yes person came in but not going into a lot of details the procedure was done and we failed when i got the call from the doctor i literally broke volunteers because i knew what this man has gone through until he reached this point i know how hard i went and i knew what a disappointment this is going to be for the people back back where he came from i literally cried i felt so bad to him because this was the end he reached the end of the road this is one of the incidents when a person knows there's no more hope it's closure it's closed i went to sleep at a very heavy heart this man was notified he took it quite calm quite good but it's always it's the calm before the storm the next 24 hours people are still numb that's when after the reality starts setting in that's when the real pain begins listen what happened in the morning early morning the doctor came in now in these areas even if you fail there's another part which is called pathology the doctor might have given up whatever he has done but pathology will still do searching in the lab for the next six eight ten hours after came in the morning early morning five thirty he goes and goes over to his desk he has all the reports from the night before and this couple's file came up and there's a little red x in the corner which means we failed i know the story in detail because he himself repeated it to me says i went into the i went into the lab put on a white coat i haven't worked in a lab he says in 30 years i'm a surgeon i don't do lab work anymore i took out the slides and i started working myself on the microscope but i'll go with the details because it was in public but i couldn't believe my own eyes that i was successful to identify some cells that we needed he calls up this couple and they were sleeping [Music] not too far away from the hospital because after anesthesia they don't let you travel home he calls up this young man even picks up the phone his little groggy and he says young man can i see you in an hour in my office and this man says for what he just told me last night that it's over it's not a phone conversation be here 6 30. then he got out of bed he had no clue he came he sat down the doctor looks in the eyes and says you are one lucky man the rest is history he had a beautiful baby i asked the doctor that morning he called me up actually i called him to congratulate him and he says what happened he just spoke to me last night now listen to the words what this doctor said when i came in the morning and i saw that we failed even pathology too i told myself how can i do this to an entire community of 350 people how can i disappoint an entire community rabbi told me this man is being supported by his entire town can't do that so i did my best i haven't i haven't looked through a microscope in the lab what was how many years but i had to do my best till the end and we had such a beautiful beautiful ending i remember when i spoke to the doctor where i was sitting at my desk i really buried my head in my hands and i started to cry i said this burnished you're far greater than i ever thought and this should be a lesson for everybody struggling not only infertility everything in life i'm a man that's gone through so many challenges in life but i do know hashem is there there's a plan and hashem will never never never let me down wow that was a powerful story okay the the last i mean i have a lot more questions but the next section of questions are the very hard questions can we can we go there can we go there sure here we go we are a couple now in our 60s and never had children just like you can you please give us advice on how to accept and deal with this whole situation in our hearts and how to possibly even make something positive out of this reality life situation currently so this is a very tough question the problem is i don't have enough time to explain this but i will try to pick the best route actually i'll pick my own round i'm very experienced how i deal with my own feelings i became a therapist on myself i've gone through all this pain and all these hard feelings but i try to help couples with i'm able to help them because i tried to explain to them what i did for myself and most of the times it worked so this is what i share with people first of all first of all when a person is in the 60s and he feels he has no children what he should really do with the rest of his life is to do something positive the worst is to end up your life and go into your grave with empty hands if hashem did not give you children it's not because he's bad this is a hajj this is something which is doesn't have to be known to us we trust hashem don't we so this is not something that to be angry about but instead of sitting and thinking and while in your own pain do something positive if you're good in helping ishida in his learning great can you help a struggling couple in your vicinity whether it's with panisa or get him a job or speak to some people to get him a decent job he should have do something positive for the super one does not even no one can imagine what's hard and how happy in china hashem is when somebody shares with somebody else and helps them just because you have the children doesn't mean that you're not a productive person member from claudia so you are just think positive and you'll find many ways how to fulfill your life and you're going to be actually very happy with your accomplishments this is a interesting question as you were so personally involved with so many families and i would assume a father of around 10 000 kids do people reach out to you for other favors besides infertility absolutely absolutely and i've learned also this in my life you don't have to be a professional only in one area when you have a heart and you feel another eats pain may it be whatever it is if you want to help hashem is going to give you the wisdom how to deal with them how to help them and will put the right words in your mouth just don't shy away somebody knocks it off for help for whatever it is i have done many am i far from it but the mitzvah came to me and we know nobody knocks on anybody's door for help if he wasn't sent there nothing happens on its own if my comes to my door and needs help and anything that means somebody something and that is the rebellion why shy away try your best you'll be you'll see you're going to be successful it's all and how much you want to share with another person how much you want to really feel in his feelings his pain and you're going to see you're going to be very very successful there's a story with the with the kids in the school you want to share that story i think it's very apropos for that question i'm really afraid to share that story because i don't want to be bombed with with requests because just because i was successful once i was going to call you after the show to help me for that also but i'm sorry i was going to ask you to help me with that also okay but this was a very unique story so the story is that i helped the couple they actually came from its role very nice couple no money self understood they were trying to make a life for themselves the united states very crucial people very nice people help them have them help them with the first child and i remember that one time she called me she says i'm sitting in in my back porch and i'm seeing the kohavim and hashem promised that we're going to have children like the stars i ask you please for another child i would like to have a second child and all of a sudden i hear a baby crying so i asked someone why is your baby crying if the baby's crying tend first to the baby call me back she says no my baby's crying because i have no milk in the fridge to give my child i said what do we have no milk so i said i'm hanging up we'll talk in a half an hour i arranged in 15-20 minutes a car pulls up actually filled up the entire fridge a child these days not having milk after that hashem she didn't need major help for me she had a second child she booked a beautiful family and successful actually today when the mitzvah came around she asked me to come for the mitzvah i don't really go because i don't have the time and i don't want to make people feel uncomfortable what am i doing here what shy has do i have so i tried to refrain from going but she made me so i came i hugged and kissed but mitsuba beautiful boy took a picture and i said good night and i left a year later she was on the phone and she asked i need to i have to push my envelope a little bit further that's now my son graduated and they're not accepting him in the issue i want to mix up so so actually what does that have to do with me maybe you could try maybe he can call the principal maybe you can call the denial maybe he could so as to why he's not being accepted so what i understood was that i guess he doesn't meet the curriculum he doesn't maybe that ishiba is only for very special very bizion or whatever and he doesn't fit that no anyway i i called i got hold of the principal and he asked who's in charge of the school so he gave me a name of a person that name ring rang rang a belt to me and then i and myself hey i once did this person a favor i'm going to call them i call them nobody responded once or twice so i call back this mother and tell her i'm not being successful so the mother tells me so you know what that means that means you know you're the father of this child if not you this child wouldn't be here how are you going to feel when you know that your child is wrong in the streets it's your child somehow she pushed the right button and i started thinking she's right i worked so hard to finance that this child should be born how am i going to feel that this boy is roaming the streets i called up again i finally got hold of him you have to listen to me it's either you fulfill my request or i'm going to have to push other bots this child is going to be accepted in your yeshiva so we made a deal he has to pass a certain test we got a private tutor we put in a lot of work for two and a half and three weeks and ibrahim was accepted not too long ago the mother called me again boy was i shivering maybe she needs help with another child she don't know she called me that was so nice of her and my son was finishing his first year in that yeshiva he passed everything with flying colors this was such a beautiful and happy ending but what do you learn from this never should a person say i can't do this i can't do that we always have to try our best you'd be surprised if you really mean it if you don't set yourself limits i can only do this and i can only do that no i can do everything you'll see how much you're going to be not sleep okay next question is a tough question are there sometimes in particular cases that both of them can know for example i have a cousin who their marriage is on the rocks but they're clearly not mentally stable how does one of them deal with such type of situations i i didn't understand your question i'm sorry there's certain types of let's say people there's certain types of situations that boiling can help or don't help let's say they know there's certain issues i don't hear the question can you please just repeat it one more time sometimes are there sometimes infertility cases that buena island can't help or don't want out yes yes there are unfortunately we can see sometimes from the first blood work that we're really not going to be even given a chance yes unfortunately let's go to the next question i'm going to leave that one alone the question i was also asking is more if you see there's like issues in the marriage or you see those mental issues that's one of them like shy away from that or i'm just curious this is a very delicate question and i don't think i can really give a full answer on a public forum but what we do is actually many hospitals do it on their own when a doctor senses that there is an issue like that by a couple they will have to pass as an analysis in the hospital if they are able to become parents usually i embark or refrained or i don't even get a chance to get involved at that point because doctors usually do this on their own they are responsible for that issue okay i'm going to ask you the next question is a very uh powerful question and i'm asking you from the field before i asked the question is that okay you're asking before you ask the question she asked me to after you asked the question not before i know you're not going to be happy so i'm going to ask you so i sent in a question i find that there's a lot of special people out there that never and so many others who never had children what do you think there's some type of correlation with that sorry honestly i don't know do i know the facebook instrument i honestly do not know and i don't want to even try to think of an answer because i honestly do not know hashem is not made for us always to to know and i knew a lot of people that were not the hazards i also did not have any children i don't think there's any correlation every person that has his challenges i don't think it's made the comment on it because it's silly we don't know the answer bottom line here's an interesting question i have a beautiful family and a very blessed i have a family members friends and so many people who bully islam who helped from the beginning to the end the story i've heard of is the amount of money are almost unimaginable i want to be part of this amazing mitzvah i do not have any extra money and i am part of zucchini is there anything i can do to make a difference well if it really touches your heart that much if you don't have money on your own you can ask other people to donate what do you think i do all day all day i'm asking people for help if i can't do this on my own if i had enough money on my own i would not ask anybody for help in this organization because i do know how big this mitzvah is i wouldn't even share it with anybody but i shouldn't put put it together this way that i have to give whatever i have to give and the rest i have to get some clothes so whatever i cannot do on my own i ask if a person feels somebody i am so strongly and i am thankful for that there are people that do feel that way if they can't do it on their own they should get other people to do i have one family actually you reminded me while you're asking this question i have a family that no money they do every year a hanukkah problem i'm actually connected to that family in a way many times they invite me to come up for the channel i go there for a few minutes we have a certain relationship one time i come up and i see there's a large basket on the table filled with with tickets and and and vouchers and ask what is this just wait wait after after the sudo we're having a special program after the sudan the father gets up and says i decided to make the suda from chanukah something more meaningful we know what bernardin does we cannot give money on our own because we do not have but since we're all an entire family together we are going to make a little raffle over here and we are going to raise money and whatever you raise is going to go for by nine this was such a beautiful thought sitting by the table group of people that do not have any money and the raffles went for small money but i was so proud to sit there these people really tried out of their bags and who knows if in chamine this few dollars were not more important than a lot of other monies that came from big people and they were just as much as mad sleep and having a baby because their heart was there everybody can help everybody can do it's all about limits if we put ourselves in limits then we're not going to be mad sleep if we understand that we're above limits then we can demonstrate in any situation let's let's let's the last two and then we're gonna go to closing match i'm asking the question this way we spoke about a little bit but i want to ask it again and we got a lot of different versions this is probably the most general asked question okay my son and daughter-in-law have not had children for many years now i was advised to be supportive and give them the space they need my question is i have some money i can give them also they started missing a lot of cinches and i understand the situation is very hard when the younger siblings are making brisim and bar mitzvahs please advise how do i go about being supportive to my children and being there for them was this i i just want to reconfirm the question was this a financial question a they have money they they know their kids don't have you know money to pay for treatments and it's many many years so they have the money they want to give it to them but how and b now there's also the general question the other siblings are making bar mitzvahs and their older siblings their younger siblings and they don't know how to be supportive for them we got this version this question about 20 different versions yeah you're asking the wrong person this question there's nothing in the world as important as helping a couple have a child have a baby there's going to be a bar mitzvah there's going to be a british and there's going to be a tinnie there's a question how fancy it's going to be and how beautiful it's going to look what the silica is going to be this couple has no children this is not even a question everything they have anything they're ready to share a child that has no children comes first above all not even a question if they have a hard time giving it themselves to the children they can always contact others or they can counter guarantee a lot of people that do that i would like to sponsor my son like i don't want them to know i'm not comfortable going through me there's so many ways how we can help a couple in anonymity but if the question is if they come first absolutely people do not have the depth of the pain infertility is it's not that somebody has a life but has an issue of infertility they have no life don't you understand getting up in the morning getting out of bed and getting dressed to start the day is a struggle for what so what am i who am i doing this for people don't have peace a second in the day nothing satisfied nothing is happy no traveling no vacations this is all silly stuff it goes along with you this pain meets you wherever you are for sure this is the biggest mitzvah and the first hassan that a person can do in his family or in general in my humble opinion okay i think we should go to the last question over here if we've been trying so many so many treatments for over 10 years with so much pain without success as of yet i would personally thank bernie island for all they have tried and did for us but from from a physical point of view if you can please give myself and my husband practical physique to keep trying and being besemka the first point of hezek is that you're given a chance still to try that's your first point of physical if there is still chances to try hopefully my name can be there for you now definitely try my best that's the first part of physics the second point of hezekias that we have to understand children is a gift from the dubai insulin we cannot set terms we cannot threaten we cannot take it in a way if i don't have it i'm not going to be able to survive we have to talk like intelligent people and like hashem is the one in charge whether you're going to be mid-slave or nuts all we have to do is restartless nothing else really matters i have seen people that had literally zero chances i walked in with a baby and i've seen people walk in for treatments we're having 90 chances to be successful and end up with zero it's all hashem's hands shem doesn't need us to plan the future if this doesn't work i'll do this it doesn't it's not for us all we have to do is style this yes in a very smart way in a way that which could be the rest just take it as hashem gives it to us when hashem says that we are makable the way we should be macabre soon hashem will answer us quick closing because i know right now has to go right back and give us five more minutes and we're to wrap it up regardless of coming on time for school i think tonight was an amazing program we really we covered a lot and we'd rather get tremendous physic and you know sure maxed out our zoom really a lot more people try to come on hopefully they'll be able to watch the show but if we got maxed out by five by five thousand registrants nobody else could have came on but the grocery store coming on we really covered practical things might be from all angles it was tremendous physical again for everybody watching every sunday night at 10 o'clock on the zoo share we have you know different shiro different topics please spread the word let everybody know about it next sunday july 25th we're going to have rob governor scroll talking about making judaism real it should be an unbelievable program everything is recorded it'll be on monaco.com if you have any questions please email coachmen people are gmail.com you said in the beginning about reaching out to you i don't know if you want to put it out there if you have any way for somebody to contact you if they have a personal issue if that's an option you have an email or something [Music] and do right when you write the email they should say this it's forever okay info at buenoeden.org networking.org and anybody who wants to listen to the this is your number 65 it's going to be on our phone line tomorrow eight four eight seven seven seven grow special thank you to our sponsor the lakewood school bravia and kazakh mika silva from seattle live kyla caldwell shows home from jcn coach manatham a quick closing and then we'll give him a bachelor to just leave up with a few words of khizuk because he has to go i feel tonight is was really a topic of pretty very very close to the ivisted to hashem who runs the world and he's in charge and like we said all we do over here is a stateless and like you said we shouldn't we shouldn't put any limits because it's not up to us anyways so once we understand it's not us it's hashem so it's a it's above the limits and what do we know we just continue doing what we need to do and i'll give a broker for everyone now everyone for those in need that are shown for help there should be light at the end of the tunnel whatever it is they should have physic to we all know when there's election going on there's a very famous sign that comes that's being shown around your vote counts what i want to sign off tonight is with a feeling that i've spoken about it many many times and i want to repeat it again because i feel that people do not get it if every person in claudia's room would understand and believe that he really or she really can make a difference in another person's life this world would be a lot better many people have set themselves guides guidelines i can't do this i can't do that i can't get around that i can't get involved with this my point to tell you is i have today a team of 75 people just responding to calls you know that ninety percent of them never had any shy history anything in fertility they were nice people they called what can i help you with there's no such thing that a person cannot be helpful in any situation yes in some areas more some areas less when it comes to points in a fertility if a person can understand for instance we do now a charity campaign now this zoom is not set up any fundraising but i will use it as an example i have a budget i don't even know what numbers are because but my budget constantly moves every month as the requests come in if every person counts to understand how much he can have how helpful he can be to help cover a couple whether it's just an appointment or just to buy medication or for whatever they offer an ivf or whatever it is you can really make a difference how do you think bueno made a difference in almost ten thousand children only by people in classroom that believe that they can make a difference when hundreds of thousands of from you will believe that they can make a difference i wouldn't have to struggle my time is much more worth for quality so when i don't have to be busy with fundraising i just sit mend the phones talk to people connect doctors get openings and labs which i am best at i do fundraising because unfortunately i can't move on if i can't pay if everybody in cloudless will understand how much even a little bit more better whatever you can do be part of supporting you don't even know how far that money is going to go and i want to end up with one tiny little story many years ago i got a call and that's this room a tomorrow actually big a little i never got his name right and he explained to me how do you know who i am he says i did my research this is a very sensitive in a very confidential issue that can i have from you i promise this but this discussion will never go out and tell the public i don't even know who you are just listen to me i am a rav of a couple the man is the mossad agent he has to be anonymous man does not exist in this world man is involved with major missions his identity is not known it's mr a or mr b whatever i think was mr a actually but he has to go through a major treatment can you promise me that you can help me get this couple through it it's going to be difficult but can only be dealt through me not with a couple and only you can't have anybody else involved children down my spine who knows who's showing up tomorrow by my door that's all i need the massage behind me i said absolutely why not i'm not going to go through detail this was seven eight months of very very it was very complicated many times we were only able to connect by notes now i'm in america he's in israel we had messages come pick up closed envelopes it was it was a story and this man had to go through a major surgery i had to get him into a hospital in israel we had to do the surgery without even the doctor knowing who this man is we had to pull together so many strings to get this done and when it was all over never met this person i was waiting a month or two i didn't make i'd make up i made up with this rob any results please let me know ten months later he calls me up i was furious he says now i can call you a baby boy was born it says how in the world did you let me wait for 10 months from you if you would know what sensitive position this person has in the mossad you wouldn't ask me why but i did get a gift i got a gift by the buddhist how this man walked in with his baby in his hands and he cried out i have that recording chills i listen to that type of keeper everybody can make a difference it's easier sometimes it's harder i took upon myself a job which no normal person would do but i knew and i understood and i felt his pain everybody can do it and everybody should do i'm looking out for clothes to be supporting me i should be able to do what i can do best to clog israel and may hashem reward us all because they hit finally they called straight fashions unbelievable tonight again tonight the charity event was started today it's going through tomorrow anybody that has extra money and nice money any money as you can hear from tonight's conversation how vital it is and it's just it's just it's being used mama to build values and i always say a person that goes through sorrow and grows from the torah is like the ultimate level right you're like on that epitome of that you know so i i i happen to disagree with you i've seen much better people do much a better job than i've done but and i disagree with you and i okay okay okay we agreed to disagree that's right robert you're a tablet we love you thank you thank you thank you happy convention make hundreds of millions thank you thank you thank you