Rabbi Shloime Ehrlich | New Age Parenting | CHAZAQ

okay everybody very excited sitting in yush the holiest city the holiest place in the world in yush right at right near the Ki in the holiest building in the holiest room of the holiest building in aspa asa.com let me spell it for you it's O HP I Za a.com it's an unbelievable organization a lot of interviews and talks and stuff you if you go to the website it's all about kir of bringing back our brothers and sisters to our beautiful beautiful yish kit and also I'd like to thank before I begin Torah anytime and kazak and we're going to start our lecture today today we're going to be talking about I have a few people over here in the room we will be talking about New Age parenting New Age parenting wow okay what does that mean we have a mitz in the T the MIT the t is that we have to teach our children to bring them to be successful beings to be healthy physically emotionally and very very connected with the to they should know and they should grow up capable and being people on this world as it says so what do we say we say it three times a day we say we need to teach T our children all of us the greatest pleasure the greatest thing a person could ever do in their life is bringing our children close to Hashem why because first of it's a Mitzvah and second because if this is something that we admire so much this whole lifestyle our afterlife style it's everything it's our whole Essence and we love it we want to make sure we want to share it with our children that they should also they too should have a successful beautiful life to be able to fulfill this Mitzvah of raising our children happy healthy and from ultimately we need to constantly revamp and rechange and redo the system the way we of course it has to be based on our old the way we got it over from generation to generation but theara the way the world is going on it's very very different now than it ever was so we constantly have to think and replan and try to see how we can get our children to be interested in our lifestyle rather than in the lifestyle which is seemingly so much more exciting the Goa world the Western cultures our children are seeing a black and white gamorra everything seems like repetition every shabas comes again you go to sh three times a day if they don't know what it is all about it seems very it's repetitive it becomes boring and the world out there there is very seemingly very exciting keeps on changing different colors new Styles and there's so much going on there's so much noise let's call it in the world so much distraction and we are trying to bring our children to be connected to the so how do we do it in now in 2024 2025 I think that we need to go back a tiny bit of History what happened in the last 20 or 30 years where the world became very very attuned to therapy everybody became psychologically driven a lot of speeches are given around the world people are going to therapy people are healing which is a great thing it's an awesome thing people are more aware of their feelings our children are are born already into this world and they they feel they're very sensitive and they're very in tune in all their feelings which is a great thing we also learned the last 20 30 years that we need to be extra loving and caring to our children it can't be anymore the old way the way it used to be in certain certain eras and certain periods throughout history where people felt that the only way to connect the children is to be strict and to set boundaries and to be uh uh you know like a helicopter parent or we call it like to be on top of them the whole time making sure that they don't get exposed or they or they don't they don't get distracted so we had rules in the house so what's now what's happening now where we up to now the world is changing back and forth I want to start by first saying that we need to bring back the parents into the house let me explain a lot of people became very confused because we were young and we were raised a certain way we were told we got a patch sometimes a smack if we didn't behave with certain things and we got punished for certain things and suddenly we're listening to so many lectures all around the world no the kids today are more sensitive they more tuned to their feelings and people are more sensitive so you have to be extra careful extra nice but what's happening is so many books came out in the last few years describing how the world became the children are becoming narcissistic they become entitled so what's the balance what's the balance of giving endless love to your children giving boundaries in a in an endless loving way without being strict and and turning them away from you away from our lifestyle what the balance and I think that the first thing is we need to claim back of being parents that we are the ones that are given the m of taking care of our children so let me let me present in this way so let's say I come home I see my child doing something he's hitting his younger brother I don't know pulling his face he's doing something and so I have two options go natural into into my the way the way I was raised I'll stop screaming what are you doing you know or I'll say ah just don't and the kid will continue and then they they try to push boundaries you tell them to get dressed they don't want to get dressed they try there constantly coming up different things they're not they're not listening because they know they're not going to get punished so what what could we do if we understand that we are the boss at home we are the boss I'm the boss in my house my wife is the boss in our house we are the boss in our house the children know that my parents are the ones that are are given the Mitzvah okay they need to know that way but I'm just saying it to us given the Mitzvah of being the children of raising our children we need to know that this is I am the boss in this house and I am the one that's deciding when my 5-year-old kids should go to bed now I'm a good boss I'm not going to be like the old days the old boss that screams and yells and I only have to say that I'm the boss never tell your children I'm the boss of this house and I'm telling you what to do no you have to think it and really know it I'm giving you back I'm giving you back ownership their parents I'm giving you back ownership you are the owners of your kids until they get older until they move on to life until they have their own to make until then you have the obligation to run your house your children are not running your house I see people in the streets talking to the little kids I see they saying do you want to go into the carriage do you want to go to sleep what what since when does a parent ask a child do you want to go to sleep so in the old days you would say go to bed right now okay that's not good so what's the good way the good way is to say I want you to go to bed I'll give you you have 10 minutes to go you see the clock when the numb is going to be straight 10:00 you have to be not 10:00 7:00 whatever time the kids have to be to bed you have to be in your bed do you want to have this blanket with you you want to put on this pajamas or that pajamas but that's it you're not giving them an option if they should go to bed you're not giving your child an option for things that it's not according to their age because then they don't feel comfortable they don't feel stable anyway they start misbehaving even more so we are the parents we are great parents we are awesome people we are the the most loving parents in the world we we think our kids and we listen to them and listen more than any time before obviously I think we need to talk about it later a little more about listening that's great part of of of parenting but I first I want to talk about Authority remember that you have authority over your kids obviously until they turn teenagers till they turn a certain age I hear people saying can you please can you know I I I think that it's a good time do you no Mommy I want to no you come out and you give them what you feel is the right thing for them and then you just do it in a very nice way but it's without a doubt so automatically if you know that you are the boss you are given the authority you're the one that Hashem gave the obligation to take care of these kids of their emotional physical needs and spiritual needs you are the one that's telling them you don't ask your little kid do you want to go to school today of course they say no you have to bribe them now and now you have to start it it's just it's it's deafening it's like it's hurting my ears I going to the stores and I listen to to mothers talking to their kids or parents they're so scared of the kids it's not their fault because what's happening the last few years in therapy was starting to to to pull back to the to the Other Extreme and that's that's creating very unhealthy children so we need to know that we are the ones that are in charge of the future of our kids and we are in charge in our house this is my house I decide what to do once you have a teenager total different conversation maybe we'll bring up that that conversation soon but the second thing is I believe that one of the things that we need to start doing much more nowadays is called um giving smart choices for the children we teach them how to make choices let's look at us adults we have more choices now in the world when we go shopping then we ever had you go into a a grocery you want to buy ketchup you have to make a decision between 25 companies and sizes and different prices and different labels like even even minute small things like that we constantly are making choice decisions decisions so there's so many options in the world so many options of candies in the world every type of cereal when I was a kid like three it was you remember was rice Casp and I don't know and honeycomb and and and Cheerios like maybe two more that's it now you have like 30 types we constantly making choices millions of choices every single day how can we train our children to make smart choices if we incorporate Incorporated together in so let's say if if my wife gets puts sleep my 8-year-old son or and she tells him listen sad in 20 minutes whatever this is the time you have to be in bed she doesn't say please do you care are you ready to go to bed no 20 minutes you have to go to bed but you don't say like in a strict way your mannerism your feelings the softness has to be the most soft and yummy and loving way it's our children what do you think it is but it shouldn't be with a doubt your children shouldn't feel even The Vibes should feel that my parent my parent is telling me that I need to go to bed now with all the love in the world and then they wake up in the morning and they want to get dressed so you want you come to your child and when they seven years old eight years old you give them an option you say sha my dear sadik you could put on one of these three shirts today which one do you want to put on that's okay you don't have to do like the olden days of being an extreme like everybody puts on this color today I remember we were Civ five brothers in a row and we all had to match actually I loved it was cute but it's like and one child is always that one kid that says no I want to get green corduroy pants today I don't want to have the blue one so you know so a parent tells a child I'm giving you options you could wear this one you can wear that one you could do the other one but he says no but I want that in the closet no I didn't give you that as an option I gave you a b or c so as they get older you give them more choices and more options to make I'll give you another example let's it's called P so why do you give I I usually give money for my kids I make up before for y we sit my wife we make a decision how much money we're giving per child for a to go shopping okay let's say we make up $35 we got to a toy store and with tell my kids you could choose whatever you want whatever fits into your $35 you could buy so what am I going to do so one son they're going to run around the whole you know every child their own nature one kid is going to look for the piano on the other I need to add $5 take off $3 one kid buys a lot of small things that fits into 35 so what I'll do is I'll tell my kids you could buy whatever you want but this choice that you're making is not going to last too long it's very exciting but if you want you can buy it and another kids you know I'll help them I'll give them advice and then back off and let them let them buy something I'm not going to force them say you're buying something you're going to regret it and then you can't buy it you have to buy something I let them what happens is a week later the toy breaks then they learned that on their own choice their body their system is learning the subconscious is is getting attuned to makeing to to to to living the consequence of their own choice so then he still sees his other brother still running around with his toy with his remote car for a few weeks later and his toys already broken I think that's a very good lesson for a child a child is learning on their own skin on their own choices that they make as they get older we give them more choices to make more options more you know you can't control your kids forever but what's happening is when the child feels my parents are giving me choices and the child feels The Vibes that my parents are solid they are the ones that are giving me the the the options they are the ones that are telling me to go to bed they're the ones are telling me to go to school the child feels safer so when they get something this big strong powerful parent that I have mother or father or both they are kind to me if my parents are Wimp And they're not sure the kids ask oh can we go tonight to the mall and the F I'm not sure let's see I don't know what you should we go we shouldn't go you know you should always say we're going to discuss it or we're going to decide and we're going to let you know if we could go tonight or not you could say the most again in the most warm way ever you don't have to say it in a in a cold like strict manner you're not you know you have to say it very lovingly but the actual Authority that you have because you are actually their owner you're actually the one that's deciding what's good for them that in itself is giving them the feeling that they need to listen they need to listen so let's go back to choices a little bit other than just an example of of of day-to-day parenting I think that I see teenagers and young adults that I work with a lot throughout my life I realize they are so confused when it comes to decision- making should I spend the money here should I not spend here how I then we need to we're living in a way in the world you know you know I think Twain said someone said we're living in a world of such abundant yet it feels like such a lack like we're like always missing but at the end of the day we're living in a world of abundance we have everything around us the the poorest person today walks into a grocery which the richest person a thousand years ago couldn't have in their Wildest Dreams every type of food and Nash whatever you could think of or or other than food anything suits shirts you ties there 20,000 types colors of ties you could buy so we're living in a world that everything there's options and choices so we need to start teaching choices to our children now I want to bring it to a little deeper conversation about choices choices of how they want to live their life I think that the olden days the olden days few just couple of years ago before the New Age came along children were not given an option you grew up kidish you grew up lsh you grew up yeshivish you grew up mod modern Orthodox you grew up within are so many types and all types it was a very nor wasn't given that that there's no option for my child to to to just just see Y in a different way it's just a or or even life you know like the whole family is doctors every child has to be a doctor the father is is a is a physician and then the child has to be now what is that it it it was like a certain thing that it was a certain Pride or it was a belief that we all have the same genes and we all the same type and everybody's to look the same and everybody's to practice the same and if you zi went you know wore this type of hat you have to wear that type of hat I think and I hope that in New Age parenting we all realize that every child is born in different natures and different different incling inclinations different styles they had different friends different Natures different nurtures I I've seen I don't know if the world change but the way I see the world there so many we have I always say that I have my my children are every type of child one child is a grape and the other child is a is is a fig touch different kids who decided that every child belongs in the same school every child and every family needs to go through the same Elementary the same High School the same it doesn't work that way we see it's not working and the ones that are trying to make it work that way that if it happens great good for you but if it doesn't go along with it understand what a child needs if we are not going to be flexible and realize that each child is a different shavit look at our yanini yanini our patriarch he's the one that had this TW 12 tribes in where he he gave a mission statement before he passed away he G he told Ren what he needs to do what he needs to improve what his mission in this world is shim totally different Ley you got to work you got to learn all the he gave them their particular Mission whatever they need to accomplish in this world you would think a regular person passes away from the world the older man and he has all his kids around him if he's lucky and he passes away like a sadic and all he has time to say goodbye what is every every person gonna say All My Children you should all be from you should always live in Shalom you should always be together and you should always you know never fight and okay but that's that's not what yakini did he said every child you excel in whatever the max you could in this way and that way and the other way I think that this is this is our role modeling is our is yini dealt with them and dealt with as and he told as of bring me he was a hunter so he was connecting to him through hunting he was telling him go bring me food and Rashi says I was so immersed and indulged in different types of stakes all just to connect to as to bear and and and to give him all the love in the world and hopefully one day he'll he'll make a smart choice of coming back which eventually happened that was that was the way the way was connecting to him and then to he totally different he was learning with him he took a total we need to understand that if we want to continue the world the to continue and the world is changing rapidly until M comes we need to constantly be more flexible and what flexibility comes in is more understanding that every child is a different shavit every child is different and whatever works for them not what works for my for my family for my ego for for my tradition what I decided it's one thing we all want our children to be to be successful and on the physically physical level then on spiritual level and the only way to do that is to understand one child needs to go to to to Yesa the other child needs to work the other child whatever works for them that they should Excel the maximum according to their nature and their n what they went through this is something that we need to really hopefully that most people are already doing that and and and if not try to really really understand that I want to share with you something that I once heard it's partially from barel wi the reab of of uh the reab of Cl to Jewish history and then a combination with a few other things I just want to say a certain statement that I put together from a few he said that in the times of the don't quote me exactly the numbers because I hate to misquote because the point that I want to bring out is more important than the actual numbers so if he said different numbers it's okay he said in the times of the there were about 11 million Jews around the world according to the Chinese history what they know they they're keeping track already five I don't know 4,000 years according to that in the time of the MD when we hadd they had about 24 million Jews so we had 11 million Jews and they had 24 million Jews now we have just about 11 million Jews I think and Chinese have one and a half billion people Chinese have much less babies than we do that's for sure we have a Mitzvah to have children we have lot families and we are still 11 we cannot think what I'm thinking we cannot think that we cannot say that we were all murdered and killed and and and like throughout throughout G 2,000 years being in Exile that we got that a billion Jews were killed yeah six million Jews by the Holocaust programs a few places F Inquisition there weren't we didn't have that many that many casualties what where did all most of the Eden go the sad news is that most of theen went off they went bye-by they left the fold it started off right with the time of mdash right after that and then then you had the people that went with you know that became Christians eventually with him and then he had the the S and the karum and throughout the generations and the most recent one was the was the hula which is The Enlightenment movement they they they took away millions of Eden out of the F totally totally left yish kite throughout the generations that's a very sad news but the good news is that nowadays there's so much in this very building that we're in the amount of knowledge we have and the and the information we have that anybody that really wants to come and listen and and figure out his Judaism we have everything in front of him like everything is prepared for him from the from communities the kids that are leaving they're not really leaving they're just in pain and we know it it's proven we all know that the children that are leaving are the ones that are in pain they're just not able to fit into the mold that we set for them because we decided that all the children need to be a certain type A Certain style a certain hat a certain School and this is exactly what's pushing out so many of our kids and this is something that cannot continue this is something that we need to change I'm very involved in a few organizations that are training parents how to how to keep these children that left to fall totally at least seemingly from the outside to keep them in the famili to be part of the Mish because one day they're going to be healed from their pain they're going to come back to the most beautiful awesome thing in the world which is living like a yid so throughout these trainings that we're giving I've been all around the world through and different organizations many different organizations that have more and more because we're realizing that the kids today that are leaving the fall that're falling out of our system is not because they are they're some kind of philosophical you know thing that that's pushing them off and they they they figured out that atheism is the right that's not their issue they're leaving because they were actually pushed out of our system they pushed start of our because they they couldn't handle the way the way we said it for them you have to go to Camp you have to go to school you have to go to Yesa at this age you have to sit from morning toight and learn you have to you know it works for a lot of kids which is great our you know our schools are awesome but a parent we parents I'm here to empower you us the parents to understand that if we want our children to be successful we need to understand when they young already try to which kid is made to go through the whole school I've had so many people telling me I work with teens all my life they tell me I sitting in school morning tonight was torture I couldn't wait I was looking at the clock every five minutes felt like a year that kid has or learning disabilities or or they're just not whatever it is the ADHD or it doesn't even have to have ABC they're just simply it just doesn't fit for them they're just not in the right place or they're just having you know the different anxieties or different things that are in their way and that's not that's keeping them from from from from following along in school but us parents the moment we see that our child is not working along we have to really figure out who said this school is for him maybe it's just for my older son my next son it doesn't work maybe it's not for my daughter you know there are this has to I I I would love to see a a world where all of us all of our families are where I could ask someone where which school do you send to your daughter your daughters he would say oh depends which one this daughter I sent to this school the other daughter here this one and that daughter is working this boy he's working half a day he's learning half a day my other son is sing away he's learning a whole day he's in and he's like you know it has to start being that way we can't we you know we institutionalize yish kite into a a conveyor belt system where every cookie has to come out the same like a cookie cutter and and what's happening is a lot of a lot of the cookies are falling off they're just not making it so I'm not here to change the cookie cutter systems I'm here to tell you that there are many different cookie cutters and make sure your child is going onto the onto the C Bel where they could Excel where they could be in their life it's it's it's something that's that it's it's obvious but we need to start actually implementing it and understanding that it's a given that all my children if you have five kids are the same one kid different it's okay you don't need to it's okay this kid needs a different school and you could tell that child nothing wrong with you you're a healthy person you're going to grow up to be I don't know who but you need to know that I find that this school is going to be better for you you'll Excel more over here and that's why you here not because you're worse or better I think the next thing we need to do we spoke about the last 20 years a lot about loving and loving our kids you need to give them love and love and it's so true there's nothing more important than giving love I know my father he just passed away a few weeks ago my dear father he loved me he never said the word I love you never and it never bothered me I always knew he loved me and then I have some siblings that are they were upset he never said I love you and then kids today you need to tell them I love you it's not enough that they feel they just don't you need to say it so it's true so that's where the world came we need to realize that we need to you know touch our kids and say hi and give them a hug and and and and and tell them how much you love them but I want to say new age is you need to say something even more than loving your children is believing in them when we need to believe in our children we need to tell them I believe in you you you have such you you I can't wait to see what you're going to be in the world you have so much to offer and the world needs every type of ye every type of person in the world so one kid who excelling and learning is able to learn by lunch and at night you get tell the world is waiting for you to be the next you're going to be the next time great if that's the kid that's the type no problem the other kid you can say you are going to run organizations that are going to shake the world world you such a good heart you have you have management skills you have you're able to to run a program you're going to or you're going to make so much money I see you you have you have the ability to tell your kids a thousand times how much you believe in them and they can't wait to see how they're going to go it's even more important than how much you love them obviously do both we need to believe in our children because all of our children came down to this world and they woke up every morning because hem believes in them you know we always say every morning we say thank you for giving me back my my soul with Grace big is so the question is why do you say R is your faith we have to say R if you know you say my faith in you so the say no how big is your face hem in me me you gave me back myish today you believe in me even before I did anything today you gave me back my soul I am so important to you Hashem and that's the best self-confidence a person could have you know I'm confident that Hashem has confidence in me my biggest affirmation in the morning is every single day I try to think I'm not say every I Tred really to to focus in on the words I'm thanking that you believe in me you cannot wait to see what I'm going to still do for the world one day and every kid should feel that way from our from their parent and eventually they'll feel that way from because our children the way they see us believing in them they're going to understand that there is such a thing I I my authority the biggest Authority also Believes In Me Okay I wasted a day I wasted a half a day I wasted a few years of my life I went through a stage I couldn't find myself I came back now wherever I am Hashem still Believes In Me because he still brought me back to the world every day if the Yankees have one of their players that's not producing he's out it's a very important game everybody gets paid very a lot of money over there because it's very important if you're not productive you're out the chosen nation is a tiny from Nation we are the light light for all the nations around the world every player in CL is so important so so so important and if we're not we wouldn't be here just make sure you're not waking up the next morning Hashem brought us to this world because he believes in us he gives us every day another day he believes in us and if I'm not able to be productive 5 years and 10 years from now be productive but my I know that Hashem Believes In Me for the very fact that I'm alive and if a child feels that from the parent that my parent really really believes in me my parent knows that I am part of the family I have so much to offer and this child is good at at at organizing the the decorating the shabas table you take that child oh you very good at it you want to set up the napkins the doilies you want to make a nice the other kids is very good at prod at at at I don't know taking care of other stuff in the house you bring it in not as a chore it's a chore also but you bring it in more as a as a wow you're so good at it and compliment your kids anything that's going to build them that they should have a confidence that you are confident in them the confidence of a kid is the confidence that the parent has confidence in me and then ultimately that's the only way we can connect to because a child is born a baby's born who who their first God who's their first Hashem who's their first everything the TTI the mommy the mother's holding the child giving the child everything they need before they even ask the mother knows the child is hungry the mother changed their diaper they didn't even have to go to the bathroom their mother does everything and as they grow older they become more and more independent they were very dependent so feel so secure and safe and soothed and soothed and they they feel they feel amazing somewhere throughout Elementary throughout all the kids and people telling them things and what's happening in the world they start feeling that this connect and start living on their own and if they are 7 years old 8 years old 9 years old and they can't come home and cry and complain to them parent and tell them how hard that they was or whatever they went through and the parents are really listening because they care for them and even when they did something wrong they still feel them their parent loves them so why should they feel when they later on in life when they when they feel that they did something wrong to Hashem against NE hasem hasm doesn't love me now I'm disconnected I did something wrong but if the parent always love them even when they did things wrong you know you could punish your child so let's say my son hits his younger brother so I what do I do uh the olden days you scream at him and 10 15 years ago you say ah you know it's not nice to hit your brother okay fine I hear what you're saying but today I believe that you should give some consequence to your kid if he's a healthy kid talk about healthy I tell my son you need to go into your room now for 10 minutes I wanted to think about what it means being hit you just hit your younger brother you're fighting with him and you're going into your Authority I'm the boss you're going into I don't say I'm the boss I'm just bringing back what I said before I have to feel that I'm the boss when I'm saying it you are going into your room now for 10 minutes and and don't come out of the room until 10 minutes because you hit the younger brother but I can't wait for you to come out you have the cutest face I love you so much I can't wait to see you come out but going into your room right now that's new The Authority the the uh the consequence you know he should have times to reflect what he did but he shouldn't feel for a second while he's being uh punished or whatever it is he shouldn't feel for a second that I lost the love or connection to my parents then a kid like grows up like this they're very different than their life in their marriage I want to see in marriage look at marriage so I just had a couple that came to me the wife says that they were eating shabas by her parents her husband said something front of the whole family they shouldn't have said he made a mistake so she is turned off she said I'm turned off a few days already he's telling me she's ignoring him she's giving him silence treatment or halfway silence treatment and he's like he's devastated he's like you know whatever so I asked her so she told me the story he embarrassed me in front of my family and he said something should have said there's a big problem me what's the problem the problem is like this we could have dual feelings at the same time I could be upset at my spouse for saying something as to love them I can't hate them I love them no not every feeling goes together but certain feelings work hand in hand so if I love my wife that's I do thank God and let's say we're living together so many years there's always going to be something that that might I tell myself I still love her but I'm upset she shouldn't have said that she shouldn't have done that oh she me a kid that's raised in a house where the parent while they're upset at them why did you hit your why did you break that vase but it's with love the child feels yes my parents is upset that I ruined something very expensive but the child doesn't feel for a second that my father doesn't love me anymore my father loves me the same he's just upset that I broke something this child is going to get married they're not going to get turned off and that's p is going to do something they're right away going to their system is going to know we're in love we're great we're great couple I'm just upset it's first of all it heals so much quicker you're able to overcome it so much quicker and that's ultimate what we need to do when it comes to never ever ever gave up on any one of us never he believes in us he believes in after the agle the golden calf he get there's no giving up is you are my first like a firstborn child you I love says expresses it he doesn't think it he says it he loves CL a child a person needs to feel you feel that at home you're can eventually feel that with one of my Ries in in Psychology and re he says we know it says in CL left Egypt left when they were me that's what he says says that that there's 50 levels of kadus 50 levels of Tim I don't know exactly how to measure that but for sure knows the 50th he can't survive anymore so took out CL the last second it was such a low area M was it's was terrible terrible place to live in every sin in the book was done in that place and Hashem took us out by 49 level of Tuma he took our CLA Ro he caught us in the nick of time soim asked obviously question why did hasm wait to take us out his loving CL at the last moment he could have taken out us out by level 10 sh it's very bad enough 49 the worst almost the worst that could be why why did hasem wait till we 49 he says a very beautiful thing I'm not sure if it's his own if he said in the name of one of the sadik that hem wanted to show to that I am not taking out because you deserve it and because your performance and because you're good that's not the reason why I'm taking you out of M I'm taking you out of MIT because I believe in your future I'm taken you out of because you are CL you're my child not to do that's why he waited we shouldn't say ah he took us out because we had we were we excelled and and this no we were me 49th level of Tuma to show that is's nothing to do if my child ever feels that I love him or her a tiny bit less because of their performance I failed I failed I hurt my child because we ultimately love our children we do we just we're just so covered with different we're busy and with stuff and but my child should never ever a child should never feel that they lost even a tiny bit of love of the parent regardless of their performance even if they do everything wrong if a child feels that way they had a healthy relationship with their God their mother their father their their protectors their Almighty parents the way a child perceive their parents eventually they'll have the same relationship with Hashem and if they don't have that they have a big struggle of connecting to hhm later or because they always feel I'm a failure I said here I did this that had so many times throughout life people telling me different clients and different teenagers that talk to me even adults they tell me anyway not I'm not going to go I'm I'm I'm I'm not close to hm hm doesn't love me I'm oh I I'm just silly hem loves us endless endless Endless Love writes the Torah that that not because he greater than other nations and not because hasem just loved and the children that's it no explanation he didn't give us explanation he just loves us just because we are zeran we are the children nothing to do with our performance of course we need to try to to connect ultimately to and and have a real healthy relationship with also but our love if a person feels even for one moment that I my parents don't love me as much just because I I was expelled from Yesa six times the child's going to have a little bit of an issue with Hashem as well not consciously self something's going to make him feelm but if a child feels that my parents love me even if I give them all the trouble in the world they love me they think about me they believe in me ah what they're going to grow up to be there so many stories of people telling us again and again because of one parent believed in me one parent just my father just my mother believed in me and always told me it's okay a lot of kids go through that stage it's okay you'll grow out of it just let me help you go through let's discuss it go for help talk to the therapist get through it but don't worry I believe in you and I love you this you know if a parent could tell a child there's nothing in the world you could do that's going to take away my love from you that is what the way every single child needs to be and who's telling it to them the parents the parents that are their owners my owner my parent my father my mother who raised me who run this house who own this house who owned the own the authority in this house they are telling me that I am special they are telling me that I am going to grow up and I'm going to perform you don't have to lie to your kids don't take it the wrong way don't lie to your kids that they're going to grow up something that they're not every child is born for different mission in this world so whatever they do have they do have whatever you do see in them elaborate it and magnify it and magnify it but don't add don't don't don't lie to your kids they're not stupid they're not going to take it even so honest parenting but say it don't be stingy on Words it's free and really believe in your kids and tell them you believe in them you believe in their future and this is going to create solid resilient children throughout through their life there's there's two more names that are supposed to say that the the the this Shir is the of two two very highly G and they should be to grow up to be there the was dedicated I really hope that this was helpful we could really go into so much more details but I think that these few points that I brought out is something that we need to take in and really try to to do our best and never be beat yourself up for not doing the best we all make mistakes this is what we need to do it's okay this is when we go to share and we read a book and we we find a new method something and what happens is people beat themselves up afterwards oh I didn't do it all the time it's okay you learned about it now wasar for you to learn now you didn't know it till now your children didn't need to have a parent like that now that you heard it now they need to get this and try try your best and I'm help that Hashem should tell us already we should hear how much he believes in us we know he believes in us through his Torah through his through the through the but we want to hear it from him directly very soon just a few hundred feet away from here the that way the whole mdash is going to come and all the all from the whole world are going to come home everybody's going to come home we're gon to ah we can't wait to see tati again in