Rabbi Shloime Ehrlich - Each Child Another Shevet; A Unique Approach

the topic tonight is every child a unique shave it's a unique tribe a unique approach right that was the again as I said and I switched today that have a lot of experience dealing with the boys and trying to connect them with the parents back and forth and we have a lot of experience hands-on experience doing this for many many years so there is a there's a common belief that every family is a style this family is Cassie dish let's say this families this casitas literacy which all kinds of types this is this is how the family works and everybody wants it to be that way because everybody wants to it's easier let's say you are you're a gerakan so you want to have your children to be the same and everything the same they're good on the same in hoggin the same thing and then it's easier for the family and it's it seems more it's nicer and everything but we all know that it doesn't work like that all the time many times we have different children and everybody has their own their own route that they want to take how they want even if they are looking and I'm not saying even challenged kids but Stan the children want to grow up in a certain way that they you know whatever pulls them - em the problem is that there was a Maha Risa has a brother see the shingle mountain and he has a brother that is alder boy but I see the my older boys 2223 forget about the parents ready nominee by the column is action is gone still a machinist freedom it's ready hey there mama so it's one day tell they told me of course not a middle of learning was after learning so he tells me that his brother is getting older and his parents are very concerned and he was thinking and I did there's a girl down the block a family they have a daughter and she's also an older girl 21 and he wants maybe if I could be the shopkin to take this boy for this girl I should call up I said no Brown just give me two names I'll call I call up this woman the mother of this and I say my name is Lemire look I want to give you a suggestion for have a shit'll suggested for your daughter this and this boy and she starts telling me do you know my daughter I said no I just heard some some you know more or less what type she is and listen his voice like this he's like that is this myth is good mythos and he's I was telling and she was so excited it's exactly what we're looking for and I go on and on and on and on and she says okay which I see this is he I said is he belongs to this and this can see this purple eyes and she does not she does not for us I said well we're vision aids what do we get I said what are you talking about you says no it doesn't work it's my husband's things all the vision that song Chavez by the table and he's not gonna know the song I got it yeah that's what that's where it ended basically the sugar kind of felt bad for her I know that not everybody worries like that extreme but there is a point here that we all have a certain image a certain design in our brain how we want our families to look like and although we're not everybody's that extreme but they are they in our family we don't wear long shadows and our family we only wear long skirts Ray Allen Mina it's it's like a a I think that in 2019 this has to stop it has to stop because it's creating issues we have our girls they go to schools and my Russian have a large family and the kids going to different schools I mean the girls are going to school on the boys say there's Qaeda there's a certain amout of the way the school works a certain model of what mother into it's not what's considered so nice in this school is in a different school consider the guy and the other way everybody is their own soccer show it's very nice but to say that every child because they went to the same color the same one of my daughter's likes to wear flies the different color let's say they abolish this child wants dad this what am I gonna fight it what am I gonna create I'm gonna create a rebellion the child is not gonna want to go along there is a and the toilet says Yankee Rivini passes by he ya Coveney was the father from the Souta he gave them the burkas Yannick if you're not right before he was nifty when he kopteva simulacrum Ivana he gathered all his kids in a sense I'm gonna pass away and I want to give all of you a broker but we all know it wasn't just abraca was a mission statement he was telling all this we called reven and it's giving him a whole mr. schmooze at exactly what his mission is in this world and then Shipman and the lady and he is such different you softly you go learn the villain you go to work and he wasn't just talking to that was talking to their children to shave it the whole he understood that every child has a total different mission on this world it says tems lianca it was yeah Avro Medina was removi no it's Huck but they were all very stuck or speaking fit in a certain Mahalo to that had to be Yankee Vinny is T 10 MS he was able to he was much broader and Emmas is olive is the first to ma'am and then self in other words he understood the context its women so to all the levels all the alibis different levels of my drag is and he was the one that was able to be the father of cloudy still to have to have cloudy through and what came out he had ciphered lively and in lively was split yet kahan oblivion it was never like we're all the same it never worked that way each and every one of them got a different mission they all had different natures they were very different beings and this is something that for some reason got lost throughout the Gulas that parents are very stuck that our kids need to be the same and we need to take the same approach certain children besides of their nature they have some kids are driven some want child as a thinker the other child is a feeler let's say one child is more of an extrovert introvert different types of kids so different types of my house can fit for them the problem is when we create an image before we get married all of us have a certain I want my children to be but I tire I want my kids to be like as a whole which is very nice it's it's good to create some kind of plan how you want your family your exposure to be Erin look how nice and healthy and very good but you need to understand that it it's not always that all these children are going to grow and become and be the same exact like their father is the mother is it's just not gonna happen that way and even more so in 2009 in in our in our age there's too many kids that are very different than than the parents used to be a little different I guess there was it just it's just different I think all of us who have as children are men each other if you you see when they're born you see right away one child always gives away that snack the other child knows how to top the snack from the other kid and they negotiate and they are it's every child is different we all born with a very different nature and different think there's a family in Barra Park that has 18 kids can another I remember when I was a child then we're really up to the younger kids that were my age and each and every one of the children over there is a total different as a little she was all about which one is it Abell demeanor like and some people say Asif our mission to Muskoka it's like it's a mixed up family it's like and I'd look at the total opposite I know the parents and I know the family I mean I've seen many of the brothers and sisters all of them grew up beautiful very successful in their own communities wherever they came to be the parents gave them a unique in what was mine to eat how to be it how to be a mensch and that's it and from there on you take it whichever one child is his his nature and his home was worked with Chabad he went to how about this talk about is great for him the other kids it went to a different place it was good for him it'sit'sit's everybody has their own unique place wherever they it was pulling them it's it's no it doesn't have to be the same so each child grew up different but to say that they're confused and it's a bad it I want to tell you that the baal shem tov the hiding about shem tov had many tommy them and you look around her see this and today it's only a fraction with that hitler killing the all the other classes would have had hundreds of types was so different on one hand but the mission and the idea you look at the shelter he gave him ish he had a he had a message for the world but he never told us to meet them exactly how to do he gave them he gave them ideas there's like there's a cipher to us it about many different things that he that he he stood for messages that he had for the world and he gave us was told me them some of them are put from polish from from Hungary from Romania from class from Russia and all of them took it in their own ways you look at this food a mattress with him one generation later two generations later it's like so different their ideology the way they look at things but there's always a common denominator is always a common thing that the Michele Tov gave a message he never dictated that almost Tommy them have to be the same and relay the message the same way he had a message he gave it over and he said this is it take it there's a there's a pussycat Hamish Clement says amid socially rockin it says shalyah - alakazoo m-pesa bounnam tick o'clock you should send away the mother first if you want to take the eggs you send away the mother first you take the eggs like this she doesn't have its are so he says that we could learn from this something deeper the Marne I'm says it the talmud cinema shelter he says shalyah the us to a mission when he go to a rabbit when you go to a teacher and mentor you should throw away the M Emma's ladouche in the communal language and means like a mother something that that there's fruit for the toilet that you can learn something from it socialized to share relatives throw out all the toy look and all these nice things it's important but very nice as a bounine take a clock take out take home the bond of the Thompson sat with him take home the message and that's what the motions of did he has a message and he gave it out he did not nobody wrote all the tourists on the shelter this is very little written from him we only have summers tell me them the swim that they wrote and you'll you look at it you see the worm Amish totally different opposite everybody who are different lavash everybody at different clothing everybody different message total different opposite you look look at hub from Kabara tyll tyll tyll tyll breast lifts all of them it's mama she myelinated before the words even more there was sons have seen all kinds they were very different the there's no need Claudia will never felt the closet should has to be the same it has to be like a certain like soldiers everybody's to be dressed the same and March the same it doesn't work like that as although they're working for the same militia Chloe's who needs them all kinds people we need to have all kinds of missions and all kinds of things and that's why it's very important to understand that there's all colors and all types but it happens the families also so now when you have a child that's challenging you you have to work on this idea even even even strong even deeper because you need to understand that this child has a very unique mission in this world this child has something a shampoo this child into a path regardless if they were abused or whatever create were ever caused or seemingly caused them to become the this this wandering soul or this searching perso this whatever it is confused so whatever it is it was there it was made was sent by Hashem he wants this child a whole different mission there was I once heard from from dr. Pelkey with maybe some of you know the story is a mighty master he said that he once had a a person called him up and he said I have one of my children was very challenging if this child is always different all my kids are very special and this child was always I think he needs therapy there's something wrong with this child and maybe you could see much I said dr. bell quits head shrugs and tight he comes in and he starts analyzing him and then he's a regular healthy kid and he said what's the issue said I don't know I just want to go to work I'm very into money and I wanna you know I want to dress a little more mad now I'm very into my looks I'm not some men have a little tendency of looking a little more you know and you had nothing more than that so shiny cause of the father then he said your child is a healthy child he's just different you just just not he says you don't understand this son is a maggot here and this is Shiva this one is a rather than this one and this daughter is a principal my wife is this and this is the only child it must be something wrong dr. Bell Coates is thinking what is it gonna do anything so he says you know out of the blue he doesn't know why I thought about it said you know what how about you come together with all your children to the office next visit together with your son with this boy and we'll discuss it and said by the way you have Graham you have parents there's grandparents said yes the family's close yet bring them along fine the Holman spotl walks in dr. Bob with us I don't know how many they have over there muga Cheatham alums and teachers everybody walks in and dr. pail code says I want to tell you guys I want to break the news every person is different and this child is even more different and this child wants the girl you all have to start respecting this kids you have to be loyal to scare to understand that this kid has his Amish and he has his own life his own he sees and the father started saying it's not true maybe we could like make do incentives that he should want to learn more maybe should dr. Kaku say what are you doing not everybody's made to learn and he's we know this Macarius that he da brings that if a person sees that Gemara doesn't work for him starts learning Allah who sometimes how long is the thing you know like I could I'd like to look always more as what thank amar when I was a bit children if this doesn't work for you maybe which nice to you maybe Toyotas on this Tomatoes I think whatever works for you that means that you're honest um has to do with that not everybody is made to do the same exact so just shocked about quotes is telling that run of exactly this word the different words like this suddenly decide that the grandfather standing there and he says I want to talk a minute can I can I talk go ahead he says I want to tell you something my dear son about there ina clerk over here before the war I came you know your help designed it from a very very special family were Alban I Toyota literacy eating all exclusive toy and I was the same like this article I was a dropout I was the one that went to work as a teenager and I wasn't I wasn't into all these things like no family and of course my family started rejecting me a little bit in the Sudeten because I was working I was you know there was no smartphones but he had he was into the news and he's listening and he saw there's a Hitler coming and this he said one day I came and I told my parents I said I'm leaving I'm leaving to America because there's a war coming it's what he talked he just learned we're gonna learn we're gonna target takes away all the designers and everything just don't worry and he said I'm packing my bags you guys could come along if you want if not Zama Gazzaniga Chavez he packed his bags they came to America and he says my whole family brothers sisters parents everybody perish perish never in the war and all of you are here only because of me the drop out of the family all of you burn i Tyra and all of you are here only because of that doctor Belka which is right we need this let him be let him be you never know they were lucky enough to have a story to see it but it's it's something that we can learn from this Amory dig a message we never know where a child's where the destination is and also Shem sees the big picture sometimes we look at our child and so painful to see a child doing bad choices it's very painful Hashem sees the big picture he has a bird's-eye view anymore you can see the next generation the next generation if you see today the biggest inspire is today the biggest speakers today in the world a Bali chuva and the other big inspires today the hibachi that are working with malikova and because they are working with them they have to become more advanced in knowing how to answer questions about a sham and how to inspire people and these bali chuva when they come from being from the world from the from the outside world and they they take he descried upon so they are the ones that are able to to articulate and to and to and to bring out all these beautiful messages about a discard because of them we created a Chitauri and a shutter is making today and and our semantics and all these places are making more about shivers from the from the FFPs from from births then by the chuva by now because we are the ones that are bought into a system and we learn you know we growing up and everything has to go this way now you have to sit now you have to DOM and I have to do this and the children today are asking questions as we said in last week's today and they're becoming you know in the signing asking question where did they go who answers the questions about the children's you go to I don't want to say the names because it's a but there's so many of the greatest speakers today are valuable people there or them or people that work is about a true or not so now let's look back there was an outer Bob in the time that she had a child that went off she was crying her heart at you saying till I'm sure - and why didn't I listen to my fellows and a chef said well I'm at poverty ROTC her children were born and raised in South Africa how about Leah Kaptur or vice versa maybe whoever it was and went to college over there was I don't know what the other and became from and now this kid this ionica Liz inspiring thousands of thousands of eating around the world said your child that went over the directly it's not gosh I made it to be in a way that you shouldn't even have an image to show mine because it wasn't his fault it was influencer and she was influenced by well whatever so she didn't even have a bejita I'm just giving a moshe love how to see that sometimes a Shem sees the big picture we don't we don't see the gun sir there was many like the other about us was saying before bye-bye shall she was the woman weren't they was saying that that with Menasha miscue I'm a little one of a child and this whole Hashem has his plans we have to always see that there's a bigger picture and we have to understand that sometimes a certain child or many of our children have to come up with something and they are trying to experience life in a different way they're trying to see things in a different way so how do we do it how do we juggle all these shoot'em how do we juggle all types of children in the same house and then you still have the regular kids that are the cookie cutter kids the way we call them like the the ones that are you know the work along with the cycle with the system and they they they they they behave the way you want they get dressed really want and everything's fine the non challenging kids living in the same house as this child if this that that's challenging you and you know new more kinds of painful things in the house and and and you're scared are going to become influenced I want to tell you something personal I'm a second marriage the children my children my wife's children are raised in my house house together box gently with my wife they're doing great but they're being exposed to the other side of the family when they go there for visitations to the family that's not so religious anymore to the father it's not a religion anymore the way we are so in the beginning of times it was a lot of people saying oh they're gonna be exposed they're gonna see different types of either's guys are gonna see people quieter and I kept the saying it doesn't matter I'm putting in the Sal Nashik awful salad I draw him to all the kids and don't make smart choices Merkel shamed all big teenagers almost the scheudle home years and they're all doing great not only great they're better than the other kids in our class because they're open they understand ask question they asked me they're been exposed that they're not so they could handle the world even the lucky tougher sometimes the kids that grow up in in in challenges and they've seen things they grow up much more solid I know the family Muncie that had a child that was mom's on drugs and two or in one hand and he was doing a crazy kid hyperactive like you've never seen and and I used to you know work with the father's and he's so worried about his other kids I said just make salads your other kids talk to him about eaters kind and excitement and explain to them that this kid is different and he has his mission in the world and he has going through his struggles the other kids are doing amazing mamas I'm looking now after ten years I'm looking back you know trying to thinking for Shabbos different families that I helped in the last 15 years they're doing what amazing these kids are growing up stronger than ever before our children I don't know where most people come from borrow clogged windows Berg Lake Worth relies the Crown Heights we have all the kids are the same they go into the same Qaeda in the same place if you look at the out-of-town kids the kids that grew up in in places where this five kids in the class have a friend of mine that grew up in Vienna another person I remember he was in Denmark there was there was one of the barbecue kid in the class what's up bruh Kaden and two very modern kids and that was the whole class all of them grew up he's telling me like he's looking back so silence so strong they grew up that this diversity there's different types of things it's okay our other children are only gonna become stronger by seeing the way you deal with this challenging child with this child that's going through now their own their their defining themselves or some say creating themselves or whatever you want to call it it's it's it's it's only gonna make them stronger it's not gonna we're so worried by being makar of this kid that fell out that it's gonna ruin the other kids it does not happen usually it's the opposite if they see you're not lost you understand that this is your kid this is your mission your mission and that's the way it's supposed to be we've seen Tanakh rescinding amudha many many families in the olden days used to be like this it was in every child was different it was it was a given that every child is different but now for some reason after the Holocaust the way we we said back lollies it all that it became that if I'm a how about school my kids have to be a karateka almost happen after it has to be that way and this is something that we the parents over here are going to teach the world outside they are the rest of the the people that don't have now at the moment children that are struggling they're learning from us a lot of things a lot of the speakers over here that come they get inspired by this Chavez and the previous shops even if they're not working hands-on with these parents and with these kids they're the ones that are becoming educated and then they go back to their can heal us and their jewels and they they they look at life and and at the family value in such a different image and this is teaching the gods clawless will do the rest of the head the rest of the film leading it's teaching and that you have to understand the it didn't sound ish and everybody's their own different way of seeing things I want to share with you a story there was the there was a it covers it started from 15-20 years ago but it said so Mordecai Massa there was this couple that the wife started after Costner she wanted to be I guess keep a teen at risk as a girl and she caught it because of it after the wedding sometimes some kids push it off because parents are so strict while the teenagers so they keep it in you're not allowed to do this you know and they're able to have control but it plots us after the wedding that's very common in the high 20s and the 30s there's a lot of people that I go through their second teenage years then it's some kind of it's a whole so this this woman was going over there she's dropping he descried every day more and more and more and they had one child a boy and the father was a female he'd and he had to divorce her she stopped keeping everything that was supposed to keep at home and he came to a boy he said listen we can't live together so they were they got separated and was getting ready to get divorced she said I'm taking the boy with me he doesn't need to be ye this whole thing is baloney dropped all the in disguise I'm taking this child with me and this so she meanwhile found the guy a boyfriend and quasi she went and he lives in Texas so she wanted to move there to go there with her boy and live with the real lololo people sorry he went to court obviously was trying to fight you didn't want his child to 2000 go over there together with his wife over there he was fighting a fighting and the law in New York in New York State I'm not sure of all the states is that the child has to the children have to remain the same religious status as they were before the parents got divorced after all so in other words if one becomes a forego it becomes easy that child has to be until they're 16 years old one the sixteenth child could decide whatever they want I think 16 to 15 shine he want that so he knew he has he had they're not like five years ago six years to go with this kid and the boy was with him his ex went the Texas she's living over there with his harley-davidson guy like real low people a shot and he has five years the boy keeps us saying I'm going back to mom you know it's it's and she keeps on bribing it's telling in the phone you can see gonna comment so he has five years to go and he's trying to put into his child whatever he could that when he's going to go there he should still be solids she was trying to think try to think myself what would you tell this child how would you Shabbos table look and how would your relationship be with this child for the next five years that when the child is gonna go there the child should not fall the child should not drop everything you should start thinking he educated himself it's time to talk about you this kind he's your history and talk about all kinds of good darling it's talking to every day when the child came up from yeshiva from kind he was talking the kid there was manipulation for them he took him out he became buddies with the kids like this when the child is gonna go over there I was gonna call back all the time you know until it be 1819 elekid's maybe eventually moved back here and dropped the whole thing of course the father succeeded the child around Aaron and banished and this boy got married this is okay but I was thinking about the story I know I know people that know this I know someone that knows this person he says he wishes he could go around in the whole Claudius rule and tell everybody how to treat their children at home because we are living in Texas we are living already in a place our children are already exposed they could be exposed any second to the biggest schmutz in the world in a second they can be exposed to the top of courses I'm telling you there's a the robot of thing that the biggest issue of the internet it's mutts it's a much bigger issue epic Ursus and a and it's not even real upper cause but at least if someone's not educated enough they they get exposed to all kinds of Sharla's and caution saying English guy which but if they're not prepared for it they don't know how to deal with it this is a bigger issue so we're ready living in Texas it's right over here what would you do with your child to make sure that the child should not get exposed so it should stay your friends should stay in the circle should stay in the folds and just taking this why can't we do it why do we have to wait till the child goes over there and then call the child's over there now I have to another choice this is something that we have to work on right now can we do it can we don't set five more minutes well can we do it so chosen by the door can we do it with our child that's a keep can we do with the child that's what we if we know how but if you do it right now try to think that your child is going to be moving to a mid version mom a place where there's no youdescribe whatsoever what would you do you will talk to your child and you would give them Jewish pride regular Jewish pride just being proud to be idiots whether the Jews do for the world regular stuff not even talked about you discard you would give them Jewish identity you would give them the family value you would give them the love you would give them the connection you would get connected to your child like your best friends I have good news for you all of our kids not only are kids that are struggling need us to become their best friends of course it has to be with their herot's you're an adult and he's a child to understand that has to be some some boundaries obviously your father and the Rebbe I did today has to become friends with the kids when I see her together I used when I saw my rabbit shot Chavez and shield the kid I ran the other I was so scared of my rebel Qaeda I was like in the pocket my kids they see their abadeer on Team Chavez day I saw my replica Zayn mawkish and I got a good hider but it's this is how it has to become if you want to save the next generation it's only getting the world is becoming more and more open and there's more more Texas over here there's more and more of that kind of situation that we need to understand that all of them need to get and there's a few ingredients that every child needs to get this is regardless of which shaver they are and regardless of what type of kid they out what type of personality they are like we said before there's there should not be a - there's a - if a child does not feel secure and stability at home that's a - that the child is a broken shattered he has to know that his parents his mother's father's here for them through thick and thin and we're here for you you're stable you're in a stable home you're in and and and you secure you're safe safety is not born and then of course a-plus which is not only a plus it's a necessity love the F didn't feel connected to you that you love them you care for them and we know what love is what is love I have a 1/2 TSP moment of shame a shame said I love you what does that mean I harvest half is giving I care for you someone could tell you I love you a thousand times but if they don't care for you they're not in tune in your feelings and your needs they don't love you they need something from you loving you means that I care for you and when you feel cared for very much there's a feeling that ignites in you and the name of that feeling is a few loved love is the name of a feeling that gets awakened when we when we give love or when we feel love when we give care and we feel cared for that's when you feel loved that's when you're able to give there was easy that came to Bala Tonya and he said Reba I'm working my avoid this a shame I don't know what's more important loving a sham or loving claudi's through harvest Sherman's huge harvest is surreal huge which one is bigger the ballot Ani says they're both the same he says what does that mean on whatever work on it says who half the Eskimo medicham Hashem said I love you I love Callisto if you love something you love their children you love who they love so it's one thing if we love Chloe zero that means that I love a sham if you love a sham that means that you have to love Chloe's little if not it doesn't go like that so what is loving me it's college to do a lot of them cell is that we have to care for each other we have to give worth to really if flexometer domine echo if a person heard themselves you have to pick them up you have to care for another and we think in doing mitzvahs and it's always outside of the home it's like what was a mother you know doing all kinds of Cosette it's all at home it's in the house and all of our children regardless if the struggling ones have not or do the ones they're going through now there and different shoot'em different nature than you adding a man that came to me mama before after Milliken is talking and he says how can I love my daughter if she walks in with the skirt it was a dress like this is how could I love her I said how could he not love her but as hard as I get this guy have to do with you loving her she's a child he loved her what's even telling you not to love this child the child is not growing up the way you want you love a child is a lovely child is there it's if there's no other shammiracle loves us regardless if we if we're if we're in a high level cannot if we do various omits as a profession Hashem loves us and he wants us to love every year the harvest is zero and harvest a shame is the same thing and that's the second thing we need to have love and the third thing is which is another plus which is a necessity of A+ is obviously self confidence you need to build them up and tell them how special they are that you're able and your capable self-esteem self-confidence you know they should feel that they're there they have a dignity they have something that are worth for there's a summer sense I'm not confident if I would sit tomorrow enter into a plane I don't want to drive a plane you think my wife trusts we welcome shine very much but you think she'll be comfortable never drove a plane in my life so does that mean that she doesn't have confidence to me she doesn't have confidence to me that I know I don't drive a plane but she has confidence in me that I'm a good father maybe that I'm a good husband that I'm good this and with that a person is not a confident person if someone never cooked in their life say I'm not so confident in my cooking does that mean you're not a confident person so if that's the case you could find in every child even while they're going through all these interesting stages and all these mishegoss that are going through you could still tell them I'm very confident in you you're a great driver you were great this and you tell them and you show them that I'm comfortable even when they drive faster you know I have a teenage son I know what it is and I like biting my tongue like holding that and he's driving it he's you know on the highway because I felt that's the only place where I could give him at that time that I'm then I'm I'm confident in him you find somewhere we give them I'm confident in you I love you I care for you you're important to me I'm a tune any feelings I know what you feel I and then security when something happens I'm the person that's gonna bail you out I'm the first one here mommy it's going to the first one they're gonna be here for you regardless if it's gonna cost us money if it's gonna cause us headaches whatever it is we are you are secure in the family are secure you can have outside the seemingly these kind of friends that they go out to party with nella when it comes to the cost any struggle if they drop you in a minute talk to your mommy home is the place where you are very safe this is a place will be carefully this is the place where we we we we love you and we care for you and I think that like a clue that's a shame I want to say a few more things but we'll have to finish but the idea is that all of our children are different chaffetz all of our children the struggling ones the non struggling ones one kid is going to come out of London and one is going to come out a businessman but if you give them one mission the mission is be your best bring out the best in yourself and whatever you're good at I'll support you this is what I'm here for you whichever direction it is if it's erroneous and gosh Mason in success in any way I'm here to back you I want to give you whatever it takes I'm not telling you which direction to go I'm not dictating if you should be this type of year if you should be that type of it I'm not dictating that we are here as parents to give you the encouragement to be much slave whichever works for you hey what did they say that they said that this is a song and it says when you come up with Shema and they can ask you did you give it all you've got that's all they're gonna ask you did you give it all you've got so all of them are given something else everybody's a talent everybody's their own brain and everybody has something to give for this world otherwise they wouldn't be here a sham created all of us here for a reason and all of us have some mission over here sometimes the parents at the moment cannot see what is the mission of this kid this kid is sitting in the basement on their phone while the computer over there for four days you know I'm off and I have this people coming I don't what's my kid doing down there I don't want to out on disturb you but did it come up for supper didn't come up for lunch the city come down of it it's like sleeping there like on facebook it wise to be on Instagram there for hours and all the fake friends and and the gun city and and you're like I'm telling you something there is a mission this kid has this case has to go through this this ages and stages you know there's all kinds of stages that a child goes through we have to let them it's like I mean you have to try obviously different Malcolm which everybody's their own mentor how to exactly deal with a child but the general statement is the general rule is every child has to go through whatever death to go through but eventually they're all gonna shun in their own way we've seen many people anybody that's over 30 40 50 years old and you look back you've seen friends that were losers when they were twenty they're so successful when they're 40 and how many times did we see this successful the top girl in class the top this the top that you look at ten years later they're like zombies we don't know it's everybody has their time and their think if your child is going through a struggle now it's very painful it's very hard to watch it but you have to understand there is a plan but for me to help my child get to their planning be successful is I have to give them security I have to give them love and confidence these are the three things you give it to them and you tell them go out whichever direction you know one child you know how our children surprise us I could think back of so many boys that I worked with in the last 17 years parents said that this child is the right of one child I remember was a dyslexic it was his mother's drop out of school many times and once it was in my office and I was on the phone with my insurance company and I told him right down the I didn't I said quickly write down the the VIN number and I saw he starts from one side and he finishes the other he wasn't continuing the VIN number his ABCs and numbers and I said you could read says now smoke suspended they never they never identified it was going through the whole elementary he this is what was like 13 14 years it's a good head so certain times when you remembered he was able to say oh my revoir my river but he was never able to they never knew he's dyslexic like in severe case so I remember we worked with him back and forth and parents of mamas he's of such a successful financially successful iing a man today you wouldn't believe it he's making a lot of nice numbers nice six digits very very successful so he has a secretary writing for him because I remember when I was sitting with his father's mother very very cozy family and I was telling them just build this child give them confident that they could do something he happens to be very smart he's able to he's a good he knows how to negotiate that was one of his I remember now he's he's a shopkin for reform for real-estate deals back and forth and makes Commission off this one that he sits with Manhattan II his English is so broken and is but he's successful he's doing he's shining he's trying and he think it's either Scranton combo everything came back he disguised when we see our children falling in the other kites that's not the problem it we only realize it then unfortunately that our children were ready struggling with something way before but when they start dropping this Levitch and that limit they stopped going to show this up putting out to fill over the girls in that way this way it's aeneas issues it's that's not it that's the way it comes out there's something deeper there's something that they need but if they're gonna feel very secure in your home they're gonna feel that my parents are here for me through thick and thin the hair for me I'm secure my parents love me regardless and my parents believe in me that give me my confident they believe in me eventually sometimes it's a longer process but eventually they're gonna come out stronger and better than before they're gonna be so successful in whichever direction whichever way they have to whichever Shive it they have to build up in cloudy so check it enough